The 15

(h/t @FetzerValves)

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Tooker needs tah stand on his head and steal us a 1-0 game!

Write more Spygate articles.

The Red Sox are now a half game behing the go-go Tampa Bay Rays? Wait, what?

Happy for Lefty.

Chris Gasper is not a real person. He’s a walking aggregation of old school takes.

I can’t believe a Kirk relationship ended in this way.

Stupid no-heart having Celtics missing their second-best player and with a nominal bench can’t keep up on the road against a higher-seeded hand-picked SuperTeam. I HATE them!

Use more hyphens.

Cakes are cooking for Hank Williams Jr, Philip Michael Thomas, Masaharu Morimoto, Helena Bonham Carter, and Rachael Sporn.

Where were you for the Great SZN Twitter Schism of 2021?

Nick Wright is a poor man’s Rob Parker. And both are trying to be Max Kellerman. Just a trifecta of gross.

That lobster HATES that basketball.

What other sports writer girls do you follow?

I have forty unimpeachable anonymous sources that tell me that the only way Don Van Natta, Jr and Seth Wickersham can maintan an erection is to write a hatchet piece about the Patriots.

Orange Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to a signal problem at Oak Grove. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

No one took a picture like Chi Modu.

Keeping your Energy Star Rating yellow tag on your television is the new leaving your sizing sticker on your flat-brim baseball cap.

That. That is why no one likes you, Kyrie.

Hey babe, this week’s Phrase the Pays is “Tom Brady just dominating the social media game!”

Is it just me, or is every TV commercial terrible?

Baseball needs an unwritten rule about home run laundry cart celebration etiquette when trailing. Obvi.

You could be my silver springs
Blue-green colors flashin’
I would be your only dream
Your shining autumn, ocean crashing
And did you say she was pretty?
And did you say that she loves you?
Baby, I don’t wanna know.

Is Brady skipping Patriots OTAs again?

I’m counting on a thunderstorm to wash all the pollen off my car. Cmon!

Sagamore Beach is the poor man’s Cape Cod.

The #Jets have hired former #Dolphins DC Matt Burke for a game-management role, source says. Burke, who most recently served as #Eagles run game coordinator and DL coach, brings 15 NFL seasons’ experience as a defensive coach but will help on both sides of the ball.

Honk if you remember buying a pair of Keds at Thom McAn.

Have you tried to navigate all the various apps you have to download to attend a major league game this year? They would have saved time by just making a rule that old people are not allowed to attend a game unless accompanied by someone under 40.

Don’t look now, but the CT Sun are off to an undefeated start at the top of the WNBA standings.

It’s worth noting that Arlen Specter, bless his heart, was a demonstrably terrible person.

Like Jack Hynes always said; ‘Follow the money.’

Take a less flattering photo of America’s most beloved ballpark. You can’t!

Best bet for the long weekend: traffic tieups on Route 3.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, Substack, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, @ThatJohnIrons and #the15, were used in this column. Do not point at face. Use only as directed.

The Red Sox, they do a lot better when they score first.

Greg Dickerson only following 56 people on Twitter is legitimately nuts.

Stidhsy has been saying in a loud stage whisper that Tyrod Taylor or Ryan Finley aren’t the short-term solution for the Texans.

Sure, trading Mookie Betts was less than ideal. But John Henry’s biggest personnel sin? Not retaining Heidi Watney. Unforgivable.

Why can’t Tom Wilson bodycheck Evan Lazar?

“I hope you all enjoy life, except that cvnt Abby Chin who took my job.” – Dickerson, most likely.

Vasco has some great unis, storied franchise founded as a rowing club in Rio by Portuguese immigrants.

An Ice Cream truck just went by. Symbol of a bygone time, Danny.

Cakes are cooking for Rick Cerone, John Friesz, Turk Wendell, London Fletcher, and Kevin Garnett.

The old barn is gonna be rocking tonight, eh Brick?

Forget ‘Friends’, what we all want is a “Mustard & Johnson” reunion special.

Hi Kent. Have you been touching yourself?

Detroit’s Spencer Turnbull just no-hit Seattle. Fifth nine-inning no-hitter in MLB this year. The record in the Modern Era is seven in one season. Second time the Mariners have been no-hit this season. It’s May 18, and they are hitting .199 as a team. That is a real statistic.

Buy more fireworks why don’t you?

That La Russa thing reminds me of Grady against the Marlins.

News Item: Pasta is a good kid.

Turtleboy shopping at Marshall’s is terrific.

Matty? He’ll be back. Just you see.

How long was Bert Breer at the Dallas Morning News and however long that was why does he think that made him a honorary member of the Cowboys organization?

Hey golden boy gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Belichick Binkies.”

Mile 22 on the Maine Turnpike is Cat Mousam Road, en route to Portland.

Please excuse my ignorance but what is a cishet man?

Honk if you remember Reddy Kilowatt.

A lot of people think Connecticut is part of new England.

Who is Rio Gomez?

TV dinners, I’m feelin’ kinda rough
TV dinners, this one’s kinda tough
I like the enchiladas, and the teriyaki too
I even like the chicken, if the sauce is not too blue.
And they’re mine, all mine,
Oh, yeah!

Red Line Braintree Branch Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

Demi’s new pronouns aren’t ‘Dese, Dem, and Dose?’

Chuck Grodin. OOTG’s. Rest in Peace.

The #Lions and OT Penei Sewell have agreed to terms on his 4-year, $24.1M fully guaranteed contract. He gets a $14.88M signing bonus.

Surf’s up!

Best bet for the weekend: a straight trouncing of the Red Bulls by the Revolution.

Standard disclaimers apply.

The first summer blockbuster from Plenipotentiary Productions. Cry.

More days in first place.

If you’ve ever suffered a torn scapholunate ligament, let us know in the comments.  

Chuck Finley can finally relax.

One more thing, Dale loves his mom more than you.

Where are the UDFA’s?

You can’t send your squad out on to the pitch with a false nine! Cor! Blimey!

I noticed in collegiate wrestling no one ever uses the Polish Hammer.

Cakes are cooking for Stacy Wilson, Tony Hawk, Jim Furyk, Steve Smith and Emily VanCamp.

Belichick talks to Baffort, Baffort horse gets busted for doping. Hmmm.

Don’t open your college commitment announcement like you’re getting divorced, ahkay?

Blehhhh! Play in game! Blehhhh!!

Gosh darn it Aiden, you should have reached out. People would have helped you.

That Chinese rocket could have really gotten people mad at the Orientals.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Take it easy, AIDS feet.’

Bottom line: Warren Sapp is an asshole. Always was, always will be.

It’s a very difficult decision to choose between UMass Dartmouth and Johnson & Wales. Like deciding between Texas and Georgia.

Tim Tebow is In Sport.

Bill Barnwell seems like someone who takes sex vacations in the Far East.

Why exactly is doping a race horse a bad thing?

Best Roast Beef in the Commonweath? Not North Shore, not South Shore. Merrimack Valley.

News Item: Leonardo DiCaprio unrecognizable in first photos of new Scorsese film.

DK Metcalf came in last, fact; not opinion.

Purple is great. They also give you the option to pay it off with Affirm so you don’t have to drop four digits.

She got whatever it is, it blows me away
She’s everything I want to say to a woman
But I couldn’t find the words to say
She got whatever it is.

The Taylor Swift Education Center opened today in Nashville. That is beyond awesome. Such a power move! @taylorswift13 is my girl!

Honk if you remember Skylab.

I can’t remember it being this consistently windy! Probably the Russians.

Woo Sox! Woo!

The Washington Football has its left tackle: The WFT is signing former #Bears LT Charles Leno to a 1-year deal worth $5M, per @SlavinRon.

Bedard is in the same shape as Babe Ruth in his Boston Braves days. See, it all comes back to baseball.

Lynnette can now drink all the passion fruit iced tea she wants.

Thank you, warrior98, whoever you are.

Best bet for the weekend: cheapies from the Capitals.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW user Hascksaw, and #the15, were used in this column. May cause drowsiness.

In an effort to reach a larger scope of sports fans with diverse political viewpoints, The 15 Net has decided to debut a new spin on an old classic.

And if white nationalism isn’t your thing, the originals are back in all their glory for a limited time.

Normally we here at The15net.com wouldn’t sour any bandwidth space on “websites “and “webmasters” that are failing worse than Magic Johnson’s talk show. However the events of the past week have left us with no recourse. Greg Bedard, he of the widely unpopular, subscription-hemmoraging website Boston Sports Journal, has now taken it upon himself to lead a crusade to tarnish the name of a Patriots second round draft pick named Christian Barmore.

To backtrack a bit, Barmore has been seen by “several teams” , as reported by Bob McGinnis of the Athletic, “who expressed concerns about what they say is his resistance to coaching and structure at Alabama.” Nick Saban, who just so happened to be his head coach when Alabama won the national championship over Ohio State, disagrees with that totally.

In addition, Saban added that Barmore is “a very emotional, competitive player who plays his tail off.’’ Seems pretty good for a defensive player, no? Plus, if anyone would know who is and isn’t doing what they should on and off the field, conventional wisdom would lead you to believe it would be Nick Saban.

And it isn’t like Saban doesn’t out the guys who aren’t doing what they should.

He had no problem calling out Reuben Foster when he started hanging around the wrong folks and got into a domestic violence issue around draft time. There is a 0.0% chance he wouldn’t call out one of his athletes who didn’t listen and balked at his process. And there is also zero chance that he would lead his pal Belichick astray, and that Belichick would ignore Saban’s advice. Especially when guys like Dont’a Hightower and Damien Harris have adapted nicely to the Patriot culture.

Now back to Big Boy. According to him, the real issue in Barmore seems to be tied to non-football issues. What are they? Well..

The dog whistle is now a full-blown yelp at this point. Think about the connotations here. A middle aged white man from MA nonchalantly suggesting that a young black athlete he knows nothing about and has never met in his life is uncivilized and inferior intellectually. The fact that he does this out of thin air with no evidence is reckless at worst and passively racist at its absolute best. But, as the 3AM infomercials say, BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

On his weekly “Big Boy Tuesday” appearance on Fecky & Motts on 98.5 The SportzKlan, he goes one step further and compares Barmore to…Aaron Hernandez.

And not to be outdone, QB1 for now Cam Newton isn’t immune from the venom he spews. Here, he believes The Coach is giving Cam a reason to “hang himself”.

In the year of our Sun God 2021, for those words to come out of the mouth of a white man in media, during the precipice of an awakening in this country in regards to police brutality against blacks and racial injustice against people of color, speaks volumes about the bubble he lives in.

Finally, on his “Greg Bedard Podcast” with Nick Cattles that 3 people listen to, he doubles down and questions Barmore’s intelligence again, and hints at something bigger that would tarnish his career, but because “sources”, he cannot reveal those things.

I recommend clicking on that entire thread by @police_at and seeing countless examples of how That Station and its hosts and guests have become synonymous with both casual and meticulous racism.

But as far as Big Boy, I would suggest to the Patriots that you pull this guy’s credentials yesterday. They were not useful to you before, and they certainly won’t be now. I would also offer another suggestion. Come out and refute this piece of crap story now. Even though it already has been by Nick Saban, the Patriots fans, especially those of color, would appreciate you having the back of one of your newest players even before he takes a snap.

Lastly, to those who might be reading this and saying, “why is The15net.com going so hard with this story? Why give him any attention?” For a long time, the Boston media has been an ass-grabbing, wagon-circling jerkoff fest of Caucasian dudes who have never had to experience any type of criticism or adversity. They have never had the mirror or the finger pointed in their direction. Just take a look at how Bedard treats potential customers when they asked him about this story.

Spineless sheep? Snowflake? “Color” athlete? Take off the white sheet and stop hiding your true feelings, Big Boy. Next thing you know he might be storming the Capitol with Viking antlers.

But it is about time for a change in Boston media, both diversity wise and editorial. It’s about time new voices rose up and spoke out about the underrepresented Boston sport fan, especially the ones of color who are just as diehard and passionate as the white ones. And it is definitely past time for some diversity in radio and TV in Boston, the #10 market in the United States. And in conculsion, Big Boy, I have some advice for you.

We cannot take you seriously on this issue until YOU start telling the truth on this. You are taking the weak, easy way out assisnating the character of a Patriots player. Either come out and say what the issue is, apologize and say you made a mistake (like a normal human being) or shut up and go away, like you did as LVRJ.

Ernie made the good picks, caller.

MLB The Show 21 is a great game. I highly recommend buying it if you haven’t yet.

There’s a reason Greg Bedard lasted 3 days at the LVRJ.

Using “green teamer” and begging for Madam Jones to notice him is a squid parlay.

Eating ice cream out of the container again. I got got.

It makes sense that it’s legal to impersonate a Boston Globe reporter considering all the fabulists and plagiarists who have worked there.

How it started: ‘You aren’t getting Mac Jones, caller.’

How it’s going: ‘You’re stuck with Mac Jones, caller.’

Cakes are cooking for Charles Nagy, Danielle Fishel, Randall Gay, Henry Cavill, and Eve Torres.

Packers best be careful, Aaron Rodgers has outside interests now, like hosting Jeopardy!, and heterosexuality.

In retrospect, of course the Baffert horse won the Derby.

Dragging Dondero was a great college indy band back in the 90s.

The NHL needs more violent goons, not fewer.

The #Raiders are releasing safety Jeff Heath on Wednesday, per source. He was the AFC Defensive Player of the Week in Week 10 last season. Now, set to be a free agent.

They should call it Section 8 podcast, because it’s so poor.

FYI, it’s still against the law to impersonate an employee of the Lawrence Eagle-Tribune.

Ned Martin didn’t have opinions, he’d just smoke a butt and do a shot to keep the ghosts of Iwo away.

Heyyyy brunch gang, this week’s Phrase that pays is “Your brain don’t work.”

I workout at an office park as well. It’s actually quite descript!

McCorkle. It’s funnier than a regular middle name.

Aloha means goodbye, Ibuprofen. Aloha.

C’mon, sunscribe to The Athletic! Steve Buckley needs more scratchy, scratchy flannel.

“Revenge of the Fifth!” Get it? Get it??

Did whoever Bedard allegedly spoke to about Barmore “just quote a rap lyric”?

Orange Line Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

If I add five more pounds to my deadlift PR it’s going to get into Miss Porter’s and Wellesley.

Nice outing, Pivetta. You too, Barnes.

All this rain best mean that the Fake Drought gets cancelled.

I probably wouldn’t have qualified for the Marathon even at the previous time.

Bruins. Playoff bound. Owning. Fluke loss.

Life with gUNT: my brain and body shut down every day from approximately 3- 4:30 PM.

I sneak in my own house
It’s four the morning
I’ve had too much to drink
Said I was out with the boys
I creep in my bedroom
I slip into bed
I know if I wake her
I’ll wake up dead.

He had me at the multicolor pen.

Honk 1488 times if you remember when Greg Bedard’s Loyko investigation was supposed to wrap up.

WooSox!

You aren’t Amy and you aren’t with Medical Services, phone spammer.

I find the Celtics to be quite likable, thank you very much.

Well Schill has certainly earned the benefit of the doubt. Wait, what?

Feliz cumpleaños México! Probablemente.

Best bet for the weekend: Orioles playing hard against the Red Sox.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, Substack, other writers, league and team sources, @basementscout, @MrJonnyConCarne, and #the15, were used in this column. Allow 8-10 weeks for delivery.