04/28/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Draft Day approaches for New England. And you know what that means!

Going to be so good when the Red Sox are once again claiming Fenway sellouts post August 1st. So good, so good, so good! A return to normal, indeed.

As a rule, supermarket employees don’t have NFL sources.

My grandpappy’s dying words were “Never trust a sports media columnist named Chad”. Sage advice, Pops.

Dale Arnold would make a great guest host on Jeopardy. “Sorry, the correct answer is WARRIOR Ice Arena, not Warner.”

I’m ever so sorry about the “Entitled Town’ audio issues on my end. That’s on me, gotta pod better. The bad news is, Coach Tomlin complained and NE has been docked a seventh round pick in 2022. The good news is is that Ironhead unknowingly agreed to wear the puffy shirt next podcast.

Summer in the city
His Barnicles can swim
Getting naked and gritty.

When you have 2 garbage bags full of weed maybe don’t start beating up restaurant employees.

New theory: John Dennis has been in a gout critical care facility for nearly a year.

Cakes are cooking for Jay Leno, Kim Gordon, Ron Zook, Bridget Moynahan and Ryan Saunders.

Have flatter feet.

It’s a ductless AC and it keeps out prowlers.

Larry Luccino should release a sing-along album. Let’s go Red Sox!

I’m at the point where I’d rather see your vaccination card than your mock draft.

Today in “life with gUNT,” I injured my back putting on my pants.

Hearing reports that Chris Sale’s rehab is coming along great, but with no firm timetable in place. And also that he nodded in apparent recognition when shown a baseball.

News Item: Keno sales finally rebound, Massachusetts Lottery says.

I hope Dana Hersey still has that great leather jacket.

My work has a nice gym but it’s been closed since COVID started.

It’s good to have a network of whores in different cities and towns in this great land where you can pop in, do drugs and get your dick sucked.

Nice job coach. How’s the liver?

I know George Floyd is looking down at Fenway and smiling.

The Bills have re-signed RFA G Ike Boettger.

Hey, gang of NFL Draftniks, This weeks Phrase that Pays is “Remember that chair?”

Some day Tanya will be able to claim a loss of Twitter clout on her tax return. Good God.

I think the clothes dryer ate the belt to my bathrobe. Less than ideal.

Red Auerbach retired as head coach of the Boston Celtics fifty-five years ago today after leading the team to eleven championships in sixteen years.

Stupid girl.
She was dressed like
she deserved everything that she got.
Bloody pumps.
Dead girl.
Hey, world;
Thanks a lot,
Thanks a lot

In retrospect, it makes sense that Brady was tweaking Coach Harbro rather than actually caring about the positional uniform number rule alteration.

Honk if you remember mimeographs.

“Y’all Qaeda” was a top 5 funny thing I heard during the pandy.

Let’s don’t be limping into the Playoffs, Celtics.

Orange Line Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

It’s an accent wall, but the accent is Welsh.

Man, those squash instructors, they get all the puss. It’s just like the old saying goes: “Squash instructors, they get all the puss.”

Best bet for the weekend: Draft report cards.

Quick Slants can be viewed from 3:00-5:00 and then 7:00-9:00.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, @thatJohnIrons, and #the15 were used in this column. Weight of meat given before cooking.

And now we say goodbye to April, in the person of actress April Bowlby. Aloha, April.

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