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Fantasy Football: Rules, Studs, Duds, and Sleepers Part Two

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Photo credit goes to Jae C. Hong/ Associated Press

In my 2nd part of Fantasy Football: Rules, Studs, Duds, and Sleepers you get less rules but more players to think about drafting. I can’t give out all my rules but I have no problem letting you know which players I’m high and low on. You’ll notice I’ve omitted the obvious players like Mahomes, Kittle, Kelce, etc but hopefully this can help give you some sense of a guide.

Rules:

  1. Always put a running back as your flex: This a rule I stand by season after season and one that some may differ from. Running backs are usually rushing and passing options, therefore I view them as more valuable than stud WR’s. I’ve been burned in the past by good running backs in the flex and won’t let it happen again.
  2. Steal your bench quarterback early: A lot of people don’t put much value in the bench QB but I’ve always valued the position. Stud QB’s can sometimes be very injury prone and it doesn’t hurt to have a good backup option in the most important position. Don’t get burned by not following this rule.
  3. Don’t wait to draft a kicker: This rule is the one a lot of people don’t follow and it burns them often. A good kicker is always a valuable commodity and gives the drafter a sense of relief when one is to be had.

Studs:

  1. QB- Tom Brady- Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The GOAT is an obvious stud and has the most weapons in the NFL to throw to. Coming off of a Super Bowl victory last season, he seems even hungrier this year to repeat. It is a virtual guarantee Brady will throw for 300+ yards and 2+ TD’s a game. Take this one to the bank.
  2. QB- Matthew Stafford- Los Angeles Rams: This one may be surprising but I see Stafford poised to have a great season with the Rams. He has an ungraded room of playmakers and was never a bad option in Fantasy Football even with the Lions. Stafford should cut down on INT’s with the Rams and his numbers should go through the roof.
  3. QB- Joe Burrow- Cincinnati Bengals: Burrow got injured last season but could be a stud if you draft him as your backup QB. By your point in the draft, you should absolutely have a better QB than Burrow but if not, he’s still gonna put up good numbers. Of the 2nd year quarterbacks, Burrow is primed to have the best season.
  4. RB- Jonathan Taylor- Indianapolis Colts: With Carson Wentz under center for the Colts, I don’t see that passing offense doing too well. The Colts should rely on Taylor due to this fact. Regardless of the QB, Taylor is a good fantasy RB option year after year.
  5. RB- Aaron Jones- Green Bay Packers: Aaron Jones emerged as a stud last season and I think he’ll be even better this year. The Packers like to play game control football and with a RB like Jones- that allows them to do so. A versatile runner, look for Jones to hit the “home run” rush on occasion as well.
  6. RB- Josh Jacobs- Las Vegas Raiders: Jacobs was dynamite last year and look for another great season to follow. An every down running back, Jacobs will get a lot of touches for the Raiders. This may be a running back that can be “stolen” in a later round if possible.
  7. WR- Justin Jefferson- Minnesota Vikings: Jefferson is can’t miss in drafts this year. Although, I’m not a big fan of Kirk Cousins, Jefferson will be the best WR on the Vikings by a landslide. In a PPR or non-PPR league Jefferson should be someone you look to grab early.
  8. WR- Mike Evans- Tampa Bay Buccaneers: With 70 receptions, 1,006 yards, and 13 touchdowns many fantasy football owners of this player were happy in 2020. Even though the Bucs are loaded with offensive weapons, do not shy away from drafting Evans. Evans is sure handed and can get yards after the catch so he is always a big threat to any defense.
  9. TE- Kyle Pitts- Atlanta Falcons: I told everyone to draft Pitts this season for many reasons. First off, even coming out of college, Pitts is NFL ready physically and mentally. Also take into consideration that after losing Julio Jones this offseason that Pitts will be more relied upon. Matt Ryan doesn’t have much to throw to anymore but Pitts will be a guaranteed stud.
  10. TE- Noah Fant- Denver Broncos: I drafted Noah Fant in a few of my leagues because I feel he is a great option to throw to whomever the Broncos QB may end up being. Tallying 62 receptions for 673 yards and 3 TD’s last season, Fant will be even more productive this year. Not only is Fant a redzone target- he’ll be a good option on every down.
  11. D/ST’s: Bucs: This defense should be tops in the league this season. With studs in the secondary and front seven, you can’t go wrong with drafting this team. Scoop them up as soon as you can.
  12. D/ST’s: Washington Football Team: This side of the ball might see a lot of time but that only allows them more opportunities. With easily the best front seven in the NFL, look for this team to be top 5 in overall defense. Similar to the Bucs, this team is loaded on defense and will not disappoint.
  13. K- Jason Myers- Seattle Seahawks: Myers is a steady kicker plus Seattle may have to settle for field goals early on in this season. Teams are gonna lock down on Tyler Lockett and DK Metcalf so drives may stall. After Tucker and Butker- I’d take Myers.
  14. K- Tyler Bass- Buffalo Bills: This season Bass will not only have field goal opportunities but many extra point tries. With a steady leg from 50 yards or beyond, Bass could shock a lot of fantasy owners this year. If any other stud kicker I mentioned is gone- take this guy.
  15. K- Rodrigo Blackenship- Indianapolis Colts: I typically don’t like going with Colts players but this guy should have MANY opportunities. Not from extra point but from long distance- Blackenship should bring you home in your kicker position.
Surprisingly Juju is a Dud for me this season.

Duds:

  1. QB- Tyrod Taylor- Houston Texans: Named newest starter of the Texans, I don’t expect Taylor to shine in any facet this season. He’s been a dud for multiple seasons and nothing is changing my mind. Taylor throws a lot of picks and indecisive with the ball- if you draft him you’re a moron.
  2. QB- Jalen Hurts- Philadelphia Eagles: Now you won’t be a moron if you draft Hurts as a bench QB but look for him to have an inconsistent season. Out of the top quarterbacks who were drafted, I expect Hurts to have the worst season. Maybe I’ll be proven wrong but I think I’ll be on the right side of history here.
  3. QB- Kirk Cousins- Minnesota Vikings: Sure, Cousins can hand the ball off to Dalvin Cook and throw it to Justin Jefferson and Adam Thielen but I’ve never been a fan of his. Always good for an untimely interception- Cousins is not a guy I would hitch my wagon to. His best years are behind him.
  4. RB- Christian McCaffrey- Carolina Panthers: McCaffrey is good when he’s healthy but when is that? Christian missed 13 games in 2020 and is now suffering quad, thigh, and ankle injuries. A small running back, McCaffrey can take a lot of big hits across the open field. I may be dead wrong about him this season but all signs point to that I won’t be.
  5. RB- David Montgomery- Chicago Bears: You’d think the Bears would try to hand it off to Montgomery several times in a game but I don’t think the Bears will be that smart. That Bears defense may put them in good field position at points but any current QB will mess it up. A “stud” in most leagues in Montgomery is an absolute dud for me.
  6. WR- Juju Smith-Schuster- Pittsburgh Steelers: In past seasons Juju was an absolute stud but he’s on the downside of things this season. Other Steelers WR’s have emerged and most teams will put their best cornerback on Smith-Schuster. Juju will put up decent numbers but don’t expect any break way weeks from him like you would a Tyreek Hill.
  7. WR- Calvin Ridley- Atlanta Falcons: Matt Ryan is in his later years and Ridley is the Falcons only viable receiver besides Kyle Pitts. Similar to Juju, every single teams top cornerback will be covering Ridley this season. I’d shy very far away from him unless you can steal him as a bench player.
  8. WR- Kenny Golladay- New York Giants: You’ll notice a theme with my dud WR’s. They are all the top options on their teams. With Daniel Jones under center for the Giants I don’t expect many accurate footballs to get Golladay’s way either. Golladay will flash in certain weeks but is not consistent and that is the most important aspect of Fantasy Football.
  9. TE- Blake Jarwin- Dallas Cowboys: I’ve seen Jarwin ranked pretty high in certain articles but I’m not buying it. The Cowboys have so many other weapons to get to other than him that I think he’ll be forgotten. From my recollection, Jarwin has always been more of a blocking tight end. Don’t expect earth shattering numbers from him this year.
  10. TE- Jared Cook- Los Angeles Chargers: Cook is merely only 34 years old but has been in the NFL for a long time. He may be a good red zone option but I think Justin Herbert will look elsewhere on crucial downs. I hope this isn’t Cook’s last season but all signs are pointing towards that. Certainly do not draft Cook in a PPR league- even for your bench.
  11. TE- Evan Engram- New York Giants: A disappointing player for years, Engram never is worth drafting as a starter these days. The Giants have other playmakers they are focused on getting the ball to and similar to Blake Jarwin I feel like he’ll be forgotten in this offense. Expect the Giants defense to be more on the field than a chance for Evan Engram to get the ball.
  12. D/ST’s- Philadelphia Eagles: I couldn’t name you one playmaker on the Eagles defense other than Fletcher Cox. With an unsure QB room that could be interception prone, this side of the ball is going to see a lot of time on the field. Look for this Eagles defense to get gassed early in the season- I wouldn’t draft them at all.
  13. D/ST’s- Indianapolis Colts: The Colts defense only has one playmaker as well and that’s Darius Leonard. With Colts QB’s throwing picks up and down the field, this defense will see a lot of time as well. If you see this team defense as draftable- I don’t know what you are thinking.
  14. K- Matt Prater- Arizona Cardinals: At age 37, Prater’s best years are well behind him. He may be reliable from 45 yards or under but I wouldn’t expect his range to reach beyond that. Also take into consideration that the Cardinals may not be in many field goal situations.
  15. K- Robbie Gould- San Francisco 49ers: I’ve never been a big fan of Robbie Gould even though he’s been around for years. In an easy prediction, this will be Gould’s last team. When I say don’t wait for a kicker- I’m not talking about Mr. Gould.
Photo credit goes to: Adrian Kraus/ Associated Press

Sleepers:

  1. QB- Justin Herbert- Los Angeles Chargers: I feel filthy putting Herbert as a sleeper and not a stud but a lot of folks may have not caught onto his game. Herbert not only has great weapons but he is a gun slinger and lethal in the red zone. I would’ve drafted Herbert on any of my teams but he was scooped up fairly early. Don’t miss your chance on him as a starter or bench QB.
  2. QB- Ryan Tannehill- Tennessee Titans: In the past Tannehill has been an interception machine but he’s got the right machinery to throw to this season. Recent addition Julio Jones, stud AJ Brown, and slot receiver Josh Reynolds will serve him well. Look for Tannehill to make better decisions with the football this year too. That’s just my hunch.
  3. RB- James Connor- Arizona Cardinals: With a new number (#6) a new team Connor is gonna do very well with the Cardinals. Teams will lock in on their top WR’s so expect Connor to have a more increased role than expected. Connor only had 6 rushing TD’s in 2020 but expect that number to increase this season. Do not sleep on this guy.
  4. RB- Zack Moss- Buffalo Bills: Even though Moss is the 2nd string running back for the Bills, I’d expect him to have runs on crucial downs. Moss could start on any team in the NFL but the Bills have the luxury of putting him at 2nd string. I wouldn’t be surprised if Moss gets the starting job eventually. This guy may be the steal of all steals in any draft.
  5. RB- Sony Michel- Los Angeles Rams: With a new team and scheme, Michel can thrive in the Rams offense. I wouldn’t want to start him but that may bode well for some. If anything, Sony would be a decent Flex or 1st or 2nd running back on your bench. Don’t look for him to thrive early in the season but later in the season all bets are off.
  6. WR- Diontae Johnson- Pittsburgh Steelers: The most likely slot wide out for the Steelers, Johnson will put up big numbers in that role. Johnson is sure handed and speedy which is never a bad combination. I’d say he’s the poor man’s Tyreek Hill. Take Diontae before anyone else does in your draft.
  7. WR- DeVonta Smith- Philadelphia Eagles: Although I’ve trashed the Eagles throughout these articles, Smith is not a guy to take lightly. In an Eagles offense that likes to take big chances, Smith is a potential home run hitter. I wouldn’t take him in a PPR league but non-PPR go for it.
  8. TE- Mike Gesicki- Miami Dolphins: At 6’6 and 249 pounds, Gesicki is an imposing figure at tight end. Look for Tua to get the ball to Gesicki across the middle of the field many times. I have a bad feeling that the Dolphins WR’s will get locked down but that will allow for Gesicki to put up huge numbers. You couldn’t go wrong with this man as a starter or backup TE.
  9. TE- Anthony Firkser- Tennessee Titans: With Jonnu Smith now a member of the New England Patriots, Firkser is the top tight end in Tennessee. In some weeks the top WR’s are sure to get locked down so Firkser may be Tannehill’s only option. I wouldn’t reach for Firkser but he would absolutely be a solid backup tight end.
  10. D/ST’s- Los Angeles Rams: With playmakers all over the field and a low ranking on most draft boards, the Rams are easily a good sleeper. This is not the type of team to play conservative on defense either. They are going for interceptions or big hits and that can bode well. If anything, Stafford will cost this teams games not the defense.
  11. D/ST’s- Arizona Cardinals: The Cardinals may end up with a very tough schedule but I think their defense will bode well. With recent addition JJ Watt adding to other playmakers on the field, the Cardinals are the type of team that will rip your heart out on defense. Do not draft them as your top defense but I think they’d be a good backup option or bye week option once it gets to that point.
  12. K- Younghoe Koo- Atlanta Falcons: In my crystal ball, I see Matt Ryan stalling out on a lot of drives this season which should allow Koo to have favorable kicks. Beyond that point, Koo has a strong and accurate leg and I’ve seen him drafted higher than I would’ve expected in certain leagues. In later rounds if you find yourself without a kicker- draft Koo.
  13. K- Joey Slye- Carolina Panthers: The Panthers will be in bad field position most of the season and will have to rely on Slye. Even though he’s been shaky in the past, expect Slye to have a big season.

Author’s Note #1: Sorry I put Kyler Murray as a stud and a sleeper in the last article. I didn’t edit well even though studs and sleepers are different.

Author’s Note #2: Consideration and advice was taken from Jon Sawlan for this article. Follow him on Twitter @JonSawlan.

By: Joshua Marion

Follow me on Twitter @jmarion34

Will The Patriots Regret Releasing Cam Newton?

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Credit for this photo goes to boston.com

On a Tuesday (obviously this past Tuesday), earth shattering, internet-breaking news occurred when Cam Newton was released by the New England Patriots. Just when most folks thought Bill Belichick was going to start Cam Week One, he shocks us once again. I’m not sure we’ll ever know the real reason why Cam Newton was cut but is this decision going to come back to bite the Patriots in the ass? Will this be regrettable for years to come or will it only be regrettable for four weeks?

For starters, regret is a strong word and I think this may be the type of thing the Patriots “regret” for four weeks. I wanted the Pats to start Newton Week One but Belichick went a different direction. Rookie Mac Jones is now our starter and while I’m a little disappointed in Belichick, I am not really that upset.

Belichick has his reasons but he may have ultimately realized that if Mac Jones was going to start eventually why not just start him Week One. For the football team that was the main reason but I also believe Newton’s ego was a factor. Cam was never going to sit behind Jones and mentor him. It’s just not in Cam’s DNA at the moment to be a mentor- he always wants to be big man on campus.

Mac Jones seems to have the mental capabilities to be a starting NFL quarterback but some are worried if he is physically ready. The only physical problem with Cam is that his football throwing ability has severely diminished but I thought Belichick should have given Cam the chance to start the season. In a now 17 game season, the quarterback room looks less formidable.

Don’t get me wrong now- I know Mac Jones is going to thrive in this offense and under these coaches. I just think the decision to pull the plug on Cam came too soon.

Obviously time will tell whether the Patriots will “regret” cutting Cam Newton and we wish him well in the future. Cam fell in line with the Patriots philosophy and that will never be forgotten. Now it’s Mac Jones time to shine and ultimately we all can’t be too upset about that.

Follow me on Twitter @jmarion34

Also check out the “Entitled Town” Podcast which can be found on Twitter @EntitledTown

The Saints Make Jameis Winston Starter for week one

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NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA – AUGUST 23: Jameis Winston #2 of the New Orleans Saints looks to throw a pass against the Jacksonville Jaguars at Caesars Superdome on August 23, 2021 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Chris Graythen/Getty Images)

According to Adam Schefter and other sources, the New Orleans Saints plan to make Jameis Winston Week One starter against the Green Bay Packers. At only 27 years old, it feels like Winston has been in the league a lot longer and this is his first starting job since being with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2019. Of course the Saints had to name a starter this year after having Drew Brees for many seasons.

With the Saints being my second favorite team I felt it necessary to comment on this decision and I believe it is the wrong one for the team. Sure, at 6’4, 231 lbs. Winston absolutely has the body to be a starting NFL QB but does he have the mind?

Winston has always been known as an interception machine and I’m not a big fan of quarterbacks who turn the ball over constantly. In his last full season in 2019, he threw 30 interceptions compared to 33 touchdowns- not a good ratio. I must mention he did also throw for 5,109 yards which is his most in a single season.

Despite the lofty accrual of yardage, Winston is not the guy that I wanted to be starting QB. That man would’ve been Taysom Hill. Hill is less reliable (at the moment) in his accuracy with the football but I believe his style of play is much more the way the league is going and the Saints should go.

Most of the league has moved on from the prototypical “pocket passer” and this would’ve been a wise move for the Saints as well. This decision may cost them early in the season but I believe after seeing Winston chuck the ball up for grabs enough that the move to Hill will be made.

Follow me on Twitter: @jmarion34

Also check out the “Entitled Town” Podcast which is accessible on Twitter @EntitledTown

The Patriots rout the eagles 35-0 in preseason game two

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Much has been said/made about the quarterback controversy in Foxborough, MA. Start Cam Newton or Mac Jones Week One? I think this game settled that debate.

Cam Newton played well in a few series going 8/9 with 103 passing yards with a 151.4 QB rating. He looked efficient and better than he did last year at times. His TD throw to Jakobi Meyers was excellent. This means much more after having two joint practices with the Eagles before this game was played. If Bill Belichick wasn’t leaning towards him as starter yet- this game solidified things.

Even without any of the Top tight ends available, Newton was surprisingly accurate and decisive with his throws. A lot of credit can go to the offensive line in this game as well, which was the true shining star of the game.

Patriots rookie Mac Jones looked great behind that offensive line also. Jones went 13/19 for 146 yards and a 91.1 QB rating. His presence in the pocket is remarkable at such a young age.

The Patriots defense still plays without Stephon Gilmore and after a shaky first game of the preseason, free agent addition Jalen Mills looked good at slot cornerback tonight as well. The Eagles were seemingly never truly at their best (starting Joe Flacco at QB) but this is a very encouraging game all around.

I’ve been strong on the record that this defense will be top 5 in the league when all is said and done. I stand by that take and will never waver on it. If we ante up and pay Gilmore- my take will look even better.

More news and notes from this game:

  1. Jalen Hurts didn’t play one snap for the Eagles in this game which is not a good sign for that team. Joe Flacco and whatever trash they threw out there isn’t winning you many games. Give the kid a chance unless he’s injured.
  2. I know I raved about the offensive line but special teams also played well for the Patriots this game. Besides the kicking game of course.
  3. Rhamondre Stevenson is an absolute savage. After a strong outing in the first preseason game, Stevenson followed that outing with another 2 TD effort in this game. Sony Michel’s days may be numbered.
  4. The Eagles were never ready to play this game. They looked flat and defeated from the jump.
  5. Watch out for Matthew Judon like I’ve been saying. He’s going for 10+ sacks this season.

This has been my first article for #The15 and I’m blessed to be able to write for them. Follow me on Twitter @jmarion34.

The 15net.com Announcement: Patriots pre-season Coverage!

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The15Net.com has long demonstrated frustration over the lack of quality, honest, agenda-free Patriots coverage in Boston Sports Media. Today, we offer a solution.

The 15Net.com’s coverage of tonight’s Patriots pre-season game will be handled by Joshua Marion of “The Joshua Marion and Friends Podcast.”

The newest author at The15Net.com, Joshua Marion

The 15 are excited to add Josh to the roster, and we’re confident his Patriots coverage will be more McDonough than Mittens. Josh is enthusiastic about sports (and the Patriots in particular), likes to keep things moving, and his Patriots insight will be authentic, informative and entertaining. Josh has editorial control over his Patriots coverage on the site and brings a fresh perspective that we hope you’ll find refreshing.

Josh’s Twitter handle is @jmarion34, and you can find his podcast here:

https://www.talkshoe.com/show/sports-talk-with-joshua-marion-friends

Welcome to The15Net.com, Josh. We’re Truly glad to have you in sports with us.

From the 15 vault – An Investigation: Did Dan Lifshatz really play Division 1 Tennis in college?

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From February 16th, 2019. Article originally written by @MRAGS316, with contributions from @SalPetrino

Does this look like someone who played tennis at a division 1 college less than a decade ago?

For those of you not familiar with Dan, he is an angry debt collector/glorified secretary for the Felcher and Mazz show on 98.5 The Sports Hub. His duties mostly include answering the phone, finding the warmest napkins for the Felgy, and washing Big Gym’s sick beamer in exchange for where to find best restaurants for protein on the north shore.

Dan also moonlights a wanna be Twitter sports betting sharp, dishing out the hottest daily pickzz you can find. Amazingly, he was able to spin this into his own podcast on the Sports Hub along side Joe Murphy called The Bankrupt Boys. Zoinks!! [Side note: If you’re getting your sports betting tips from the guy who answers the phone for the sports radio show, it’s time to reassess.]

Recently it has come to the attention of #The15 that Dan, on multiple occasions, has claimed he played tennis while in college at the University of Hartford. Noted #The15 adjacent Polar Bear lover @SalPetrino provided the receipts.

Wow! That’s pretty impressive. Playing any sport at major American University is a big deal. Just for fun we decided to see if we could locate any of Dan’s stats since he emphatically declared he played tennis in college. According to his LinkedIn profile, Dan attended the University of Hartford from 2010-2013 and luckily the UofH sports website had the rosters of the men’s tennis team going back many years. Surely, we would find some info of Dan’s career as a D1 tennis player. Here are the rosters of the teams the years Dan was enrolled:

Hmm… weird. No sign of Dan on any of the teams. In fact there was no trace of a Dan Lifshatz anywhere on the University sports websites. The only connection between Lifshatz and the University’s men’s tennis team was an article he wrote after a tough loss for the Hawks in The Informer, the school newspaper.

Maybe Dan just thinks covering the team is the same as playing for team or he just completely made it up. Either way I look forward to hearing the explanation.

[Editor’s note: We still await clarification from Dan on this apparent mix up. If we got the story wrong, please put us in our place.]

06/23/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Report: 11 out of every 12 NFL jerseys sold over past 36 hrs were his.

Just give him the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year Award now.

The real robbery in the Selke was the fact that Brad Marchand wasnt even nominated.

Saint Peter only had to deny knowing Jesus three times, Doug.

No Spida?

Sometimes, the Red Sox win when they score last.

Jim Nantz can’t believe he didn’t get a Father’s Day line after that Rahm finish.

No Nets, Lakers or Sixers. Best case scenario after a Celtics first round exit.

I guess @FanSided is cool with plagiarism?

Udoka? Maybe.

Cakes are cooking for Colin Montgomerie, Barbara Jordan, Mike Bartrum, Selma Blair, and Zinedine Zidane.

I don’t believe in omens, but stomp on Lucky at your own peril, Kyrie Irving!

“Regina” is Latin for Queen. Live your best life, Regina!

First Smaven, now the Smonitor.

A turkey hen visiting the bird feeder? Technically allowable.

Chris Paul’s leadership wins again.

Now we can’t mouth racial slurs as a lip-synching teenager without having to issue an apology? Says who? Those Belgian drits, probably.

Blehhhh! Prime Day! Blehhhh!!

This is real. No one tries harder than Trey Hendrickson in practice. He goes 100% in non-padded practices when no one blocks. Doesn’t matter.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Are you okay?”

my sex and dating life would be so much more exciting if I was actually dating all the hot people that some people seem to think I am dating? I’m glad people think I have that much game, though!

Being on the field for a walk off home run is deff one of the most exhilarating experiences 10/10 would recommend.

It’s Girardi not Girardi, idiots.

Using Talkbox/Electro Harmonix & Vocoder effect on songs of the 80’s ≠ AutoTune usage in songs after Cher’s “Believe” in 1998 through the early 00’s in urban music.

Autocrat syrup!

Parker Posey was great in WANDER, FRANCO (1994)

Remember to proofread, tweeting out ‘Your (sic) a fucking pig!’ fatally undermines whatever point you tried to make.

Maybe the Red Hat should have charged 11¢ per chicken wing? Just sayin’,

In 2021 they’d never be able to keep Randall Gay’s #21 in stock at the Patriots Pro Shop.

Honk if you remember the Maine Lumberjacks.

Doug probably wasn’t going to get appointed Minister of the Exchequer in the false pretender Spike Kingdom.

You can always find me down at Smokey Joe’s. That’s where all the hip and groovy people go.

Rich Hill is the new Jamie Moyer.

Carling Black Label. Used to be brewed with the clean Ice Cold waters of Lake Cochituate. Simpler Fucking times, Danny.

Who needs Benadryl when you’ve got 5 lbs of Xanax?

Good thing this Carl Nassib news hit and kept Steve Buckley from writing about the time Boog Powell guested on an episode of The Courtship of Eddies Father.

Dating show idea: Sox-y Beasts.

Las Vegas is an adult summer camp. That seems so true. Especially if you like to get wild.

“You’re sticking with that motherf—er?” Do you kiss your kids a second too long with that mouth, Tom?

To be fair, sometimes you can’t detect any tuna DNA after the proteins are damaged by cooking. Or after having been blasted with sweet onion sauce.

Not all who Wander are Franco.

Mattapan Trolley Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

‘Eat shit, Doug.’ Well said, counselor.

New rule: Easter Island Mo’ai statues don’t get a vote for the Selke Award.

Best bet for the weekend: Suns in four guy embarks on his 2nd fifteen minutes of fame.

Remember?

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, Substack, Subway, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15, were used in this column. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

If anything, be mad at Billie for wearing baggy clothes and dying her hair like a fishing lure.

06/10/2021 Cleaning Out The Sports Junk Drawer

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See you in the fall, you old barn you.

Did we win last night? No? Ugh, I can’t believe they lost! This is because you didn’t will them to victory in Game Five!

That was some stretch of cabbage in the hat weather we had there.

Bob Kraft’s lawyers should have petitioned the court to have the Bentley birthday present video destroyed, too.

Anyone but the Islanders. And Montreal, naturally. And not Tampa either because fuck them. And I’m not rooting for a team based in Denver so the Avalanche are right out. And Las Vegas has to wait their damn turn. So…

Out: Spider Tack. In: Spida attack.

N’Keal Harry will make you not care about Julio playing for the Titans instead, you honks and bobos.

So what are we supposed to do, drape the house in black and gold crepe? Lower the Fan Banner to half mast? Grow up.

Hey Red Sox; stop stinking up the diamond.

Cakes are cooking for Kim Deal, Kelley Deal, Brent Sutter, Bill Burr, Pokey Reese, and Tara Lipinski.

And also for Gina Gershon, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Elizbeth Hurley, and Leelee Sobieski.

Boar’s Head Deli Dressing makes a great marinade. #ad

The host chair over at the @EntitledTown podcast is beginning to resemble Spinal Tap drummers.

So that junkie horse skipped the Belmont?

With injuries limiting him to only 278 at bats on the season, old Al Kaline finished the 1972 season with 16 hits in his last 28 at bats, raising his season’s average 30 points in his last 7 games.

Coah K retired. Well, bye!

Well I for one am rightly chuffed by that outrage at the footie match in Denver!

College softball? C’mon.

News Item: Fields of Watermelons Found on Mars, Police Say.

Apparently Mike has never had Cooper Sharp American Cheese.

No use the portable one for now it works for me.

#tcot

Make boringer lists, Nana Gary.

For now should I have lain still and been quiet, I should have slept: then had I been at rest, With false spike kings and counsellers of the turf, which built desolate places for themselves.

Whatever happened to the LeBron Lakers Dynasty?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “The bloom is off the rose.”

McKayla Maroney? Y.

Congratulations to Prince* Harry and Meghan Markle on the birth of their second child. 8th in line for the throne.

What fucking skank has no kleenex?

In jail, in jail, without no bail
In jail, we’re in jail because we failed
In jail, in jail, without no bail
In jail, we’re in jail because we failed.

Red Line: Delays of up to 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Alewife. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

Jaboukie?

At least the red Sox win a series vs the yankees in new York..beggars can’t be choosers..pillow time.

Honk if you remember multicolor pens.

Boomtower. Back.

A partial solar eclipse? That’s almost as disappointing as only wining two games in a playoff series.

The NFL docked the #49ers the last week of their rookie development program for a violation of offseason work rules, per sources. The infraction took place during rookie minicamp.

Best bet for the weekend: lawn care. Do it.

Margaritaville Faneuil Hall Boston. Opening Late 2021.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, and #the15, were used in this column. Better late than never, amirite?

Bianca will make us feel better. Probably.
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