05/26/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

I have questions.

Why is the headline yelling when formatted for desktop view? WordPress!

Tooker needs tah stand on his head and steal us a 1-0 game!

Write more Spygate articles.

The Red Sox are now a half game behing the go-go Tampa Bay Rays? Wait, what?

Happy for Lefty.

Chris Gasper is not a real person. He’s a walking aggregation of old school takes.

I can’t believe a Kirk relationship ended in this way.

Stupid no-heart having Celtics missing their second-best player and with a nominal bench can’t keep up on the road against a higher-seeded hand-picked SuperTeam. I HATE them!

Use more hyphens.

Cakes are cooking for Hank Williams Jr, Philip Michael Thomas, Masaharu Morimoto, Helena Bonham Carter, and Rachael Sporn.

Where were you for the Great SZN Twitter Schism of 2021?

Nick Wright is a poor man’s Rob Parker. And both are trying to be Max Kellerman. Just a trifecta of gross.

That lobster HATES that basketball.

What other sports writer girls do you follow?

I have forty unimpeachable anonymous sources that tell me that the only way Don Van Natta, Jr and Seth Wickersham can maintan an erection is to write a hatchet piece about the Patriots.

Orange Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes due to a signal problem at Oak Grove. Trains may be asked to stand by at stations.

No one took a picture like Chi Modu.

Keeping your Energy Star Rating yellow tag on your television is the new leaving your sizing sticker on your flat-brim baseball cap.

That. That is why no one likes you, Kyrie.

Hey babe, this week’s Phrase the Pays is “Tom Brady just dominating the social media game!”

Is it just me, or is every TV commercial terrible?

Baseball needs an unwritten rule about home run laundry cart celebration etiquette when trailing. Obvi.

You could be my silver springs
Blue-green colors flashin’
I would be your only dream
Your shining autumn, ocean crashing
And did you say she was pretty?
And did you say that she loves you?
Baby, I don’t wanna know.

Is Brady skipping Patriots OTAs again?

I’m counting on a thunderstorm to wash all the pollen off my car. Cmon!

Sagamore Beach is the poor man’s Cape Cod.

The #Jets have hired former #Dolphins DC Matt Burke for a game-management role, source says. Burke, who most recently served as #Eagles run game coordinator and DL coach, brings 15 NFL seasons’ experience as a defensive coach but will help on both sides of the ball.

Honk if you remember buying a pair of Keds at Thom McAn.

Have you tried to navigate all the various apps you have to download to attend a major league game this year? They would have saved time by just making a rule that old people are not allowed to attend a game unless accompanied by someone under 40.

Don’t look now, but the CT Sun are off to an undefeated start at the top of the WNBA standings.

It’s worth noting that Arlen Specter, bless his heart, was a demonstrably terrible person.

Like Jack Hynes always said; ‘Follow the money.’

Take a less flattering photo of America’s most beloved ballpark. You can’t!

Best bet for the long weekend: traffic tieups on Route 3.

Well, it’s relitigate Spygate Day again.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, Substack, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, @ThatJohnIrons and #the15, were used in this column. Do not point at face. Use only as directed.

Birthday girl Dayle Haddon says come on in, the water’s fine.

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