06/03/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Gentleman’s sweep? We have officially bottomed out.

Trader Danny only GM’ed the team to one TITAL because he doesn’t respect YOU, caller.

The Red Sox lost, despite having scored first.

Steve Roenicke could use another shot, Celtics. Just sayin’.

Why didn’t the TDGarden crown will the B’s to a W?

Congratulations to Helio Castroneves for winning the Indianapolis 500 for the 4th time. I guess all the good Brazilian drivers are in motorsports. What?

Draft the kids, Brad!

Well, if you’re gonna throw a water bottle at an athlete, make sure it’s a Patriots player. Absent that, at least don’t do it to a Black player during a year-long nationwide moral racial panic.

Ironically, the fan missed Kyrie because he forgot to correct for the Coriolis Effect.

Puck luck. Amirite?

Cakes are cooking for Doro Pesch, Mike Gordon, Carl Everett, Al Horford, and Lalaine.

Chris Gasper pronounces Roger Taney’s name the way it’s spelled.

Sports media are really showing their true colors with this Naomi Osaka business.

This is 6A ball.

Wagyu Teppanyaki would be in the HOF if they counted his Japanese home runs.

WEEI is denying us a Larry Johnson traced cartoon of Danny with an exploding cigar motif.

Every hotel room should have a Bible in it. The Good Book shouldn’t be lost on anyone. I don’t read it but I should.

Watching the Garden full made my heart dance. A win made it almost give out.

Pierce Brosnan will bring the kids.

Winner of the Veiled Prophet Pageant also gets a job at the Boston Sports Journal.

Ok, that’s enough chicken sandwiches.

Media invents reports Celtics should hire a woman. Celtics don’t. Media kills the Celtics to sell auto glass.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is: “Horse mouthed hussy.”

Buying bagels off QVC?

What’s your guilty pleasure? Mine is room temperature skim milk.

Spida wants smoke.

You keep Bill Belichick’s name out of your mouth, Mike Lynch.

Cruz Azul, motherfuckers.

Know less about Regulation 204 CMR 4.03(1), restaurant owner lady.

Lions HC Dan Campbell on RB Todd Gurley: “We have interest in Todd, we do. And we’re talking with his agent.” He added that if a deal can be agreed to, they’d like it to get done sooner than later.

MSG. An overrated food additive and arena.

You have to figure Bob Ryan would approve of the Celtics bringing in Jason Kidd as coach.

I saw Bob Lobel drinking and hanging out at a restaurant in NH. Seemed friendly and in great spirits. That was 1990 or so.

Hello Rangoon!

Honk if you remember TWIB Notes.

Good work, Boston College Lady Women Lacrosse Eagles defeating the Syracuse Women Lady Oranges. Champs!

To atone for the bottle thrower, the Celtics need to hire Leslie Jones as coach.

Hug your li’l rappers a li’l tighter today.

I sometimes confuse Claudine Longet with Claudine Auger, and vice versa.

I’m not exactly sure what a Marquess is.

Glad to hear that Jon Secada is back after seventeen years.

One name to keep an eye on in the Celtics’ coaching search: Sophie “Swish” Pryce, who coaches the Portland Littlenecks in the WNBA G League.

You just knock that off, Rays.

Lie around all day
Have a drink to chase
“Yourself and tourists, yeah
That’s what I hate”
He said we’re going wrong
We’ve all become the same
We dress the same ways
Only our accents change

So have a nice day

Old gout ankles wants you to know how tough he is.

Why stop at Ainge. Clean house. Go get Juwan Howard and hire him as your coach.

Orange Line Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

This is my motto: You have to keep your friends’ secrets unless there’s any reason not to.

Sunburnt angular features? Pass.

Best bet for the weekend: the old barn on Causeway to be rockin’.

Good luck keeping me out of here now that the restrictions are gone.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, Twitter users who prefer to remain anonymous and #the15, were used in this column.

Left- Auget, Right- Longet.

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