06/23/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Report: 11 out of every 12 NFL jerseys sold over past 36 hrs were his.

Just give him the Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year Award now.

The real robbery in the Selke was the fact that Brad Marchand wasnt even nominated.

Saint Peter only had to deny knowing Jesus three times, Doug.

No Spida?

Sometimes, the Red Sox win when they score last.

Jim Nantz can’t believe he didn’t get a Father’s Day line after that Rahm finish.

No Nets, Lakers or Sixers. Best case scenario after a Celtics first round exit.

I guess @FanSided is cool with plagiarism?

Udoka? Maybe.

Cakes are cooking for Colin Montgomerie, Barbara Jordan, Mike Bartrum, Selma Blair, and Zinedine Zidane.

I don’t believe in omens, but stomp on Lucky at your own peril, Kyrie Irving!

“Regina” is Latin for Queen. Live your best life, Regina!

First Smaven, now the Smonitor.

A turkey hen visiting the bird feeder? Technically allowable.

Chris Paul’s leadership wins again.

Now we can’t mouth racial slurs as a lip-synching teenager without having to issue an apology? Says who? Those Belgian drits, probably.

Blehhhh! Prime Day! Blehhhh!!

This is real. No one tries harder than Trey Hendrickson in practice. He goes 100% in non-padded practices when no one blocks. Doesn’t matter.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Are you okay?”

my sex and dating life would be so much more exciting if I was actually dating all the hot people that some people seem to think I am dating? I’m glad people think I have that much game, though!

Being on the field for a walk off home run is deff one of the most exhilarating experiences 10/10 would recommend.

It’s Girardi not Girardi, idiots.

Using Talkbox/Electro Harmonix & Vocoder effect on songs of the 80’s ≠ AutoTune usage in songs after Cher’s “Believe” in 1998 through the early 00’s in urban music.

Autocrat syrup!

Parker Posey was great in WANDER, FRANCO (1994)

Remember to proofread, tweeting out ‘Your (sic) a fucking pig!’ fatally undermines whatever point you tried to make.

Maybe the Red Hat should have charged 11¢ per chicken wing? Just sayin’,

In 2021 they’d never be able to keep Randall Gay’s #21 in stock at the Patriots Pro Shop.

Honk if you remember the Maine Lumberjacks.

Doug probably wasn’t going to get appointed Minister of the Exchequer in the false pretender Spike Kingdom.

You can always find me down at Smokey Joe’s. That’s where all the hip and groovy people go.

Rich Hill is the new Jamie Moyer.

Carling Black Label. Used to be brewed with the clean Ice Cold waters of Lake Cochituate. Simpler Fucking times, Danny.

Who needs Benadryl when you’ve got 5 lbs of Xanax?

Good thing this Carl Nassib news hit and kept Steve Buckley from writing about the time Boog Powell guested on an episode of The Courtship of Eddies Father.

Dating show idea: Sox-y Beasts.

Las Vegas is an adult summer camp. That seems so true. Especially if you like to get wild.

“You’re sticking with that motherf—er?” Do you kiss your kids a second too long with that mouth, Tom?

To be fair, sometimes you can’t detect any tuna DNA after the proteins are damaged by cooking. Or after having been blasted with sweet onion sauce.

Not all who Wander are Franco.

Mattapan Trolley Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

‘Eat shit, Doug.’ Well said, counselor.

New rule: Easter Island Mo’ai statues don’t get a vote for the Selke Award.

Best bet for the weekend: Suns in four guy embarks on his 2nd fifteen minutes of fame.

Remember?

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, Substack, Subway, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15, were used in this column. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

If anything, be mad at Billie for wearing baggy clothes and dying her hair like a fishing lure.

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