Football Cat’s Week 3 NFL Picks
It’s late September, can you believe it? My cat birthday is next month, buy me food. Although, I have no concept of time, we’re already here at Week 3. It’s still too early to predict how things are shaping up for the Kitten Bowl.
Giants at 49ers (-10)
Brock Richard Purdy throws for 400 yards. If you take the approximate height of cans of delicious cat food served by my slave humans, that’s around almost a stack of 5,800 cans. Food food food. Give me food now.
Colts at Ravens (-2)
I don’t like anything about the Baltimore bird team, but they get the win. I feel like I’m rooting for a mouse getting into my bag of dry food. Still, give me my wet food now or I’ll destroy the couch!
Titans (-1) at Browns
Dogs are big dumb animals and they belong in a pound. Go bark at the wind.
Falcons at Lions (-7.5)
Coach Campbell wanted to have a big cat on the sideline. If I played for the highly intelligent Lions, he’d want me to punch the competition, but my claws of death will have to do.
Saints (-10) at Packers
If you adopt a cat, you’re a saint. Come on Dennis Allen, go to a shelter today.
Feed me, pet me, leave me alone.
Texans (-2) at Jaguars
I don’t want to pick against a cat, but it can happen sometimes. Florida isn’t a good environment for outdoor cats due to snakes, alligators, and hillbillies.
Broncos at Dolphins (-8.5)
Coach Genius and Tua lead the fish to victory. Can we have some dolphin meat for me to eat?
Chargers at Vikings (-2.5)
Yawn, who cares. Time for a nap in my pile of blankets or buy me a new toy that I’ll refuse to play with for 5 months. Remember the Metrodome? I would love to claw that roof.
Patriots (-1) at Jets
The Patriots O Line comes together like Thunder Cats and protects Mac Jones to let him cook his kitty food. Zach Wilson will throw 5 interceptions. He’s like a dumb dog.
Bills at Commanders (-2.5)
Cats run the world and will someday take command of all humans.
Panthers (-1) at Seahawks
Going with Team Panthers in this matchup of a vastly superior cat vs. more dumb birds that eat dead fish.
Cowboys (-8.5) at Cardinals
Sorry birds are dumb and I want to attack them. Predicting a breakout game from Dorance Armstrong.
Bears at Chiefs (-3.5)
Kelce returns and brags to his teammates about dating Taylor Swift. What’s her view on kitty cats?
Steelers at Raiders (-1)
I don’t like all those water fountains in Vegas but they get the win.
MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Are you ready for a kitty food party? Actually I hate all other animals and don’t want a party. Where’s my favorite green blanket?
Eagles (-8.5) at Buccaneers
Philadelphia Freedom. Sorry pirate team, but no treasure for you this week. Speaking of being out to sea, I could go for some salmon pate right about now. If it’s chopped salmon, I’ll only look at my bowl of food and refuse to eat it.
Rams (-3.5) at Bengals
I feel like a traitor picking against big kitty cats.
Cleaning out the Litter Box
Restaurant pick of the week: The Weathervane. Exciting, hip atmosphere and seafood.
Love the peace and quiet of riding in an electric car. Kitty cat approved.
Nice time of year to visit Biddeford, Maine.
The sitcom Wings could have used an airport kitty cat to kill stuff.
Jo. Anne. Fabrics.
Hey Wonder Bread Store, how about a Meow Mix section?
Need a cat nap? Listen to WZID.
Did you know that Japan has a Cat Island?
Halloween is coming. Brake for black cats, it could save your life.
Inject hyperlocal Hood Milk into my veins.
Cap space? More like cat space. (Insert Jerry Thornton pic)
Is the Lion King still in theaters? Never been to a movie theater.
Hey Boston.com, how does Mindy Kaling feel about cats?
Happy birthday to American playwright Marsha Norman.
Top skiing pick for the Winter, Wildcat Mountain.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 