Schedule for the remainder of the 2026 Tournament!
Monday 3/23 Sorry Sixteen Preview
Tuesday 3/24 – The Sorry Sixteen
Thursday 3/26 – The Hateable 8
Monday 3/30- The Four You Deplore
Tuesday 3/31 – Consolation Match
Thursday 4/2- Championship Match
Friday 4/3 – Winner Announced!
Thank you for your interest in mediot mockery.
Today we will look to the right-hand side of the bracket, with Region V and Region T. It’s a shame half of them have to lose. Polls will close at 9 PM EDT.
Round 1 had everything you could hope for in a media tournament… everyone had a reason to be upset about something. There were a few mild upsets, some close fought one-vote victories, our first ever shutout win, plus a voting scandal! A veritable charcuterie board of results. #yummy
What does Round 2 have in store? Let’s consult the Oracles and find out…
Region C
1 Greg Bedard vs 8 Mike Kadlick
The former champ is coming to reclaim his crown.
4 Matt McCarthy vs 5 Dan Shaughnessy
Shank may be irrelevant, but still not as irrelevant as one of the myriad of doofus interchangeable bearded call screeners polluting the airwaves.
3 Adam Jones vs 6 Jarred Carrabis
Adam Jones will get exponentially more votes than he has listeners, and take out Carrubish.
2 Fred Toucher vs 7 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens
The Detroit drunk takes the carpetbagger crown from the Greek New Yorker.
Region V
1 Jim Murray vs 8 Christian Arcand
Large Gymnasium mops the floor with Ahhhhhhhcand
4 Pete Abraham vs 12 Chris Curtis
What’s the opposite of easy on the eyes? The tortoise will nip the sentient garden gnome in the bud.
3 Andy Hart vs 6 Brian Scalabrine
In this neurologically divergent version of “David and Goliath”, Goliath knocks himself out while David drools in the corner.
2 Marc Bertrand vs 7 Mark Dondero
The Far Side kid rolls on to the Sour Sixteen
Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 9 Jerry Thornton
A Rabbi’s daughter and an elderly born-again Catholic man walk into a bar, and each leaves with a greater respect for the other and a deeper understanding of the world.
Gabby wins this battle in the never-ending Holy War.
4 Kevin Paul Dupont vs 5 John Zannis
John’s Anus runs away with this one.
3 Michael Felger vs 6 Kenni Middleton
Unfortunately Kendra is away on yet another “business” trip. Felger waltzes on.
2 James Stewart vs 10 Andrew Callahan
It’s every caricature artist’s dream matchup. The Sports Hub’s Hunchback rings Wojak’s bell.
Region T
1 Ted Johnson vs 8 Trenni Casey
CTEd is going to beat Trenni so bad you’ll think she is his wife
4 Rich Keefe vs 5 Scott Zolak
Zo kicks Dick Teeth’s dick and teeth in.
3 Albert Breer vs 6 Rob Bradford
New TikTok lifehack: Using fresh urine to get wrinkles out of your t-shirts! Breer whizzes past Mushmouth.
2 Chris Gasper vs 7 Rob “Hardy” Poole
Eric Rueb supporters will know exactly how Buffalo Bills fans feel after Kid Gas prances past Poole. Oh what might have been!
Vote early and vote often!
And the thrilling conclusion to the March Sadness first round commences today! Polls will close at 11:00 PM EDT.
In either a stinging rebuke of the Selection Committee’s choices, or a positive affirmation of their Wild Card selections, the voters have swept all four wild cards to victory over their normally seeded opponents. What a moment! Polls for the first full day of the Tournament will remain open until 9 PM EDT tonight, March 10th. Please enjoy.
Play -in Games Region C 10 Seed Dave O’Brien (NESN) vs wild card Brian “Rear Admiral” McGonagle (Barstool), Region V 16 Seed Travis Thomas (NESN) vs wild card James “Scaz” Scaramozzino (98.5), Region N 12 Seed Mark Daniels (MassLive) vs wild card Stanley “Stiz Grimey” Bruno (WEEI), and Region T 15 Seed Chris Forsberg (NBCSB) vs wild card Eric Rueb (ProJo).
The play-in games will be on Monday, March 9th. The rest of the field will begin on Tuesday March 10th, then Thursday and Friday of that week.
The Patriots are back in the Super Bowl for the 12th time in the past 41years. For all you non-math majors out there, that equates to 29.3% of the time. Not bad for a franchise that used to play in a Zayre’s parking lot back in the AFL days.
The Patriots have now been to 4 more Super Bowls than any other team, with an overall record of 6-5 heading into Sunday’s game. If they win, they will break a tie with the Steelers for the most wins in Super Bowl history. If they lose, they will break a tie with the Broncos for most losses in Super Bowl history. So win or lose they are guaranteed to make history. We here at Football Cat World Headquarters just hope everyone has fun!
Speaking of fun, here is a fun fact: Sam Darnold is 0-4 against the Patriots in his career, three losses with the Jets and one with the Panthers. He has thrown 1 touchdown and 9 interceptions, with a combined passer rating of 41.2. The Patriots are the monkey in Sam Darnold’s wrench.
And as we head into the long off season, remember Tom Brady may hate you but Football Cat loves you. See you in September.
Sunday Dinner Time
Seahawks (-4.5) at Patriots
Fake Seabids can’t exorcise these ghosts. Drake Maye IS!
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.
And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words:
“Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014
Sunday Early Dinner Time
Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos
Patriots bust Broncos
Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams at Seahawks (-2.5)
Horny Sheep spook Darnold
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
It’s been a fun week basking in the glory of the first Patriots playoff win since Super Bowl LIII, but now it’s time to focus on the next opponent, the Houston Texans. What better way to break it all down, than a Dan Shaughnessy style look at how each team’s respective home town matches up with the other.
Houston has the Johnson Space Center.
Foxborough has the Gillette Stadium Lighthouse.
Advantage: Patriots
Well there you have it, bet your kid’s college tuition on the home team and thank us later
Saturday Dinner Time
Bills at Broncos (-1.5)
Buffalo sauces Nix
Saturday Prowl Time
49ers at Seahawks (-7)
Fake Seabirds rain on Purrrdy’s parade
Sunday Early Dinner Time
Texans at Patriots (-3)
As that great Patriot, Patrick Star once opined: “The stars at night are dull and dim whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! “
Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams (-3.5) at Bears
Horny sheep bang da’ Bears
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Congratulations for surviving “Black Monday” and “Mixed Thursday”. If there’s one thing the sports media knows it’s that coaches losing their jobs is hilarious! Ha ha ha!
But while you’re convulsing in laughter please remember to offer thoughts and prayers to all the hardworking people affected by the imminent closing of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, and the shuttering of Horse & Buggy Whip, LLC. They will be missed.
Saturday Dinner Time
Rams (-10.5) at Panthers
Black cats’ luck runs out against horny sheep
Saturday Prowl Time
Packers (-1.5) at Bears
Meat Men send Bears into hibernation
Sunday Lunch Time
Bills at Jags (-1.5)
Guys, guys… don’t waste your money on an Esty witch. Hairy cows trample spotted cats.
Sunday Dinner Time
49ers at Eagles (-5.5)
American Birds pluck Purrrrdy’s prospectors
Sunday Prowl Time
Chargers at Patriots (-3.5)
The Patriots get their first playoff win since Super Bowl LIII
Monday Prowl Time
Texans (-3) at Steelers
Men of Steel give Houston too many problems
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
