The 15

News item: Some new executive orders have just been signed…

1. “Saturday” will be renamed to “Caturday”.
2. Catnip will be allowed to flow across the Southern border.
3. All online betting advisors will be required to publicly display their success rate or something else (*wink wink*).
4. Amnesty for the accused in the “Shedd Park Incident of July 4 1992”.
5. Laser pointers will be outlawed.
6. Designated nap times throughout the day, with comfortable sleeping spots readily available in all public spaces.
7. All deadbeat squatters will be evicted from the homes of their deceased mother’s former boyfriend. Their cats will be allowed to stay.
8. Dogs will be banned from most public areas, with designated “dog parks” far away from cat territory.
9. Anyone using “Y’all” will be banned from all social media platforms, even the Chinese ones.
10. Humans must be readily available for head scratches and belly rubs whenever a cat desires.
11. Only Union workers will be allowed on the roads between 4 am and 6 am.
12. The records from the Loyko investigation must be immediately released.

SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME
Commanders at Eagles (-6)
American Birds haven’t been this surprised by a Commie offensive in January since 1968

SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME
Bills at Chiefs (-1)
As has played out on the great plains for hundreds of years, the Native Americans, once again, take down the Tonawanda Tatanka

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.