From The Collaborative that brought you the Immaculate Squid and your daily SteveRdle, comes a new brainteaser… Is It, 1789 or 2026?
Today’s clue: “Following recent events in the Bastille neighborhood, and after careful consideration, we felt it appropriate not to move forward with the planned event in Paris”
Is It, 1789 or 2026?
If you guessed 1789, well sorry 24601, you will not be taking home any fabulous prizes to little Cosette.
The correct answer is 2026!
Since no one won today’s game, all the prizes will auctioned off with the proceeds to be split amongst the interns.
Thank you for being with us today, and remember to please help control the dog population. Have your dogs spayed, neutered or donated to scientific research. Goodbye, everybody!
Just kidding dog people, it’s all love
L’heure du Petit-Déjeuner du dimanche Steelers (-3) at Saints Les Saints de La Nouvelle-Orléans triomphent et s’offrent un défilé de la victoire sur les Champs-Élysées
Très Bien
Sunday Lunch Time 49ers (-3.5) at Falcons Purrdies rub Penix the wrong way
We miss you Jojo
Buccaneers at Panthers (-3.5) Black cats cook the Baker boys
Not so fabulous
Giants at Texans (-10) Everything is bigger in Texas, even the Giants margin of defeat
Colts at Vikings (-6.5) Norsemen discover that Carlie Irsay-Gordon’s notebook is full of cookie recipes.
Dolphins at Jets (-4.5) Jets soar over tanking Phins
Browns (-1.5) at Titans Brownies bite Tits
Ouch
Bengals at Ravens (-3) Stripey cats pounce on Poes
I got your “Nevermore” right here
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos (-4.5) at Cardinals Mile Highers club Cards
Packers at Lions (-3) Jungle Kings devour Meatmen
Just in time for Halloween
Rams (-4.5) at Raiders Horny sheep leave Las Vegas with a win
Sunday Dinner Time Chiefs at Seahawks (-2.5) All three generations of Kenneth Walkers will be celebrating
Monday Prowl Time Cowboys (-4.5) at Eagles Dallas does Dom
Debbie… OOTG
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.
Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.
And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.
Happy Upton Bell Day!
So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!
Sunday Lunch Time Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers Black cats get slapped by Penix
Packers (-7.5) at Browns Packko over Flacco
In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.
Texans at Jaguars (-2) Texicats hog tie spotted cats
Bengals at Vikings (-3) Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles
Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red
November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language
Rams at Eagles (-3.5) Philly rams LA
Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5) Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl
Colts (-4.5) at Titans Tits whip Indianapolis Jones
Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.
Raiders at Commanders (-3.5) The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos at Chargers (-3) Bolts best Broncos
Saints at Seahawks (-7.5) Saints remain winless in Seattle
Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star
Cowboys (-1) at Bears Da Bears drop Da Boys
Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5) Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.
Sunday Prowl Time Chiefs (-6) at Giants Chiefs cut the Giants down to size
9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth
Monday Prowl Time Lions at Ravens (-4.5) Scary black birds tame the big cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
News item: Some new executive orders have just been signed…
“Saturday” will be renamed to “Caturday”.
Catnip will be allowed to flow across the Southern border.
All online betting advisors will be required to publicly display their success rate or something else (*wink wink*).
Amnesty for the accused in the “Shedd Park Incident of July 4 1992”.
Laser pointers will be outlawed.
Designated nap times throughout the day, with comfortable sleeping spots readily available in all public spaces.
All deadbeat squatters will be evicted from the homes of their deceased mother’s former boyfriend. Their cats will be allowed to stay.
Dogs will be banned from most public areas, with designated “dog parks” far away from cat territory.
Anyone using “Y’all” will be banned from all social media platforms, even the Chinese ones.
Humans must be readily available for head scratches and belly rubs whenever a cat desires.
Only Union workers will be allowed on the roads between 4 am and 6 am.
The records from the Loyko investigation must be immediately released.
SUNDAY EARLY DINNER TIME Commanders at Eagles (-6) American Birds haven’t been this surprised by a Commie offensive in January since 1968
On that day our platoon sergeant sacrificed himself so we could all make it home alive. RIP Sgt.Thornton.
SUNDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Bills at Chiefs (-1) As has played out on the great plains for hundreds of years, the Native Americans, once again, take down the Tonawanda Tatanka
The buffalo seemed more stunned by the audacity of the tactic than they are surprised the wolves are actually dudes
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style, in the air there’s a feeling of Christmas. And in the spirit of the holiday season, the animals of The 15, and animals adjacent to The 15, have pooled their meager resources and gifted Football Cat a well deserved week off.
This isn’t as easy as it looked
SATURDAY LUNCH TIME Texans at Chiefs (-2.5) Marv thinks that, while the Chiefs may appear harmless, KC will suddenly snap and go for the Texans jugular.
Hi Marv!
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Steelers at Ravens (-6.5) Jocko isn’t a fan of the Black Birds, he takes the Steelers.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Cardinals (-4.5) at Panthers Jocko also isn’t a fan of the Black Cats, he takes the Cardinals.
Jocko puts up with a lot
Giants at Falcons (-9) Rams (-3) at Jets Spuckie the rat loves both New York teams to at least cover.
Spuckie loved going on long walks with his owner LJ Sandwich (OOTGs)
Lions (-6.5) at Bears Gus takes Detroit in a huge bounce back game in chilly Chicago after a loss against Buffalo.
Gus is a much gooder friend than Mac
Titans at Colts (-3.5) Millie says to lay it all on the Tits
Pay attention to Millie!
Eagles (-3.5) at Commanders Remi takes the Eagles over the Commanders.
Drinks?
Browns at Bengals (-7.5) The Cleveland Pig digs the Browns (and truffles).
I love that pig
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Vikings (-3) at Seahawks Loki wishes he could fly like a real non-existent Seahawk.
One day that will be me up there
Jaguars at Raiders (-1) And Jocko really doesn’t like the Black Hole!
49ers at Dolphins (-1) Jasper would prefer backing a team from Virginia Beach, but Miami Beach is a close second.
Poor Jasper
Patriots at Bills (-14) Bo has unwavering faith in the Coach Quick Slants.
I live with a talking potato
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Buccaneers (-4) at Cowboys Dooze loves the Cowboys especially when they play with their roof open.
Did you hear about the dog park on the moon?
MONDAY PROWL TIME Saints at Packers (-13.5) Paco backs the Meat Men, preferably with a nice coating of Rub Smoke Love BEEF CAKE premium all-natural beef rub and seasoning.
All the best food seasonings are sold at True Value
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
It’s a big weekend for fans of celestial events! Not only will the full Beaver super moon be aligning with the Pliades star cluster each night, but the Leonid meteor shower will be peaking in the wee hours of Saturday and Sunday. So grab the lawn chair and a blanket and get out there. If you’re looking for me I’ll be sleeping in your bed, so please leave the electric blanket on.
In space no one can hear you “meow”
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Packers (-5) at Bears Meat men send Bears to early hibernation
Jaguars at Lions (-13.5) Lions maul my good friend Mac
My good friend Mac before the Lions horribly disfigured him
Raiders at Dolphins (-7) The Autumn Wind is a Raider, pillaging just for fun. He’ll knock you ’round and upside down, and laugh when he’s conquered and won.
Just win baby
Rams (-5) at Patriots Mayo’s merry men keep the good time vibes rolling along.
Fake news!
Browns at Saints (-1) Dark Elf magic house of Saints
Ravens (-3) at Steelers Men of Steel cage Scary Black Birds
“Hello in the box!”
Vikings at Titans (-6) Vikings flatten Tits
Colts at Jets (-4) The new Undersecretary for Human Services leads the Jets to victory
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Falcons at Broncos (-2.5) Falcons thrive in the thin air
Seahawks at 49ers (-6.5) Purrdy downs Fake Sea Birds
Chiefs at Bills (-2) For thousands of years, Native Americans relied heavily on buffalo for their survival and well-being, using every part of the bison for food, clothing, shelter, tools, jewelry and in ceremonies. Except the wings oddly enough. Chiefs remain undefeated.
These are even better than chicken fingers
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Bengals at Chargers (-1.5) Stripey Cats drain Bolts batteries
I bet my Nana still has some of these in her junk drawer
MONDAY PROWL TIME Texans (-7.5) at Cowboys Fun Fact: The flags of six countries have flown over Texas. Don’t mess with the Texans.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat
