As it turns out, Football Cat was making rather merry yesterday, and is in no condition to make picks this week. But fear not! Other the15net.com adjacent animals have graciously stepped up to fill the void. Football Cat will be back next week, tanned and rested, and ready to ring in the New Year.
A poor excuse for picking a dog’s pocket every twenty fifth of December!
Saturday Dinner Time Texans at Chargers (-1.5) After a thorough review of each team’s sleep scores and rain gauges, Frank says take the Texans
My diet consists entirely of discarded egg yolks
Saturday Prowl Time Ravens at Packers (-3) Jocko doesn’t like the Black Birds
Sunday Lunch Time Seahawks (-7) at Panthers Jocko doesn’t like the Black Cats
Jocko is set in his ways
Cardinals at Bengals (-7.5) Warren Dull’s second stepfather’s neighbor’s nephew’s grandmother once had a budgie that got eaten by her bridge partner’s cat. The stripey cats do the same to the pretty red birds.
Trouble brewing
Steelers (-3) at Browns The Cleveland Pig will be drowning her sorrows at the feeding trough
The Ozempic has done wonders for her
Jaguars (-6.5) at Colts Kenny the pet bee thinks the Jags swarm the Colts. Indy better have extra epee pens on hand.
She suffers from rosacea you inconsiderate jerks!
Buccaneers (-5.5) at Dolphins Jasper loves the Bucs inside and out.
Keep shining! People notice!
Patriots (-13.5) at Jets Loki is waiting to see a jet crash and burn
Think lovely thoughts
Saints (-2.5) at Titans Millie says to lay it all on the Tits
Pay attention to Millie!
Sunday Dinner Time Giants (-1.5) at Raiders The Teddy the doodle is a fan of Pete the poodle
He’s hypoallergenic and machine washable
Eagles at Bills (-1.5) Packo loves Buffalo, especially their wings with a nice coating of Rub Smoke Love BEEF CAKE premium all-natural beef rub and seasoning.
It was a very popular stocking stuffer
Sunday Prowl Time Bears at 49ers (-3) Marv thinks that Bears will lay low and then suddenly snap and go for the 49ers jugular.
Hi Marv!
Monday Prowl Time Rams (-7.5) at Falcons Cocaine bear loves LA
* loud grunting noises *
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Don’t worry Minifans, Kirk will still be on all that Barstool shit you don’t care about!
Wonder if Bruins fans envision 63 one day hanging in the rafters. The number, not the player.
First Take is The View for unemployed men.
I see the 12-year-olds with meme accounts still have no idea how the NFL scheduling formula works
Cambridge is really an interesting city. It’s designed to look just like Boston and it wants so hard to be Boston, but it has none of the charm or way of life that make Boston what it is.
Ryan Clark has gotten so good at apologies they got him apologizing on behalf of Stephen A now.
I’ve grown entirely too fond of using balsamic glaze on just about everything.
I’ll never not root for Jacoby Brissett.
Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Jim Mora. UConn’s a baseball school anyway.
Cakes are cooking for Rich Little, Jan Stenerud, Ethan Russell, John McVie, Art Shell, Richie Hebner, Ilona Staller, Harry Carson, Bob Walk, Dale Jarrett, Harold Reynolds, Chuck Finley, Adam Gaynor, Mario Elie, Jeff Jaeger, Garcelle Beauvais, Sue Wicks, John Stirratt, Steve Lofton, John Amaechi, Shawn Kemp, Winky Wright, DJ Khaled, Jamie Fiske, Natasha Bedingfield, Rita Ora, and Louis Ducruet.
Was today years old learning Reggie Lewis has the exact same birthday as Björk.
Just got a complaint from another worker that the demo im doing is too loud. You’ve got two options buddy. Put some fucking ear plugs in or find a new line of work.
I was an earlier sabermetrics adopter but yes this has gotten out of hand.
Worcester Line Train 519 (7:30 am from South Station) will make additional stops at Wellesley Farms through West Natick to accommodate passengers from terminated Train 1517 (7:10 am from South Station).
Head Dummy—is that better or worse than Viceroy?
Congratulations Medford! You get to wallow in filth and vermin while your eco-idiot mayor counts the green scam money. The real trash problem is at city hall.
Get well soon Will Campbell. And Jared Wilson. And Khryiris Tonga. And Neemias Queta.
Stephen A. Smith thinks everything in sports revolves around him. Cam not even on enough for everyone to know he’s on lol. There are people who still ask what happened to Max Kellerman and that was like 3 years ago.
I really enjoyed the hell out of @RealGDT’s FRANKENSTEIN on Netflix. Terrific filmmaker.
How can I worry about not having an SP2 when I still haven’t seen a WR1?
Mass Maritime football is basically 13th grade.
Marcus Jones read that terrible throw like a millennial ripping through Harry Potter.
I think I said this before but Josh Allen could really use a Stefon Diggs.
Josh is an unreliable narrator, like Holden Caulfield, or Dan Lifshatz.
Threw some chords together The combination D-E-F Is who I am, is what I do And I was gonna lay it down for you
I try to focus my attention But I feel so A.D.D. I need some help, some inspiration But it’s not coming easily
Trying to find the magic Trying to write a classic Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know?
There’s an NCAA Mens basketball player named Jordan Marsh? Does he happen to have a recipe for blueberry muffins?
FYI: There was an entertainment world before 1970.
Nowhere for UMass Football to go but up. Or stay winless next year too, I guess.
I think I wouldn’t mind being hairless.
Sending my boss the lyrics to “Knuck If You Buck” was not on my bingo card for a Monday.
Geekie is studly. See what I did there?
Honk if you remember Bobby Orr’s last game as a Bruin.
Did Jahlani Tavai know ahead of time that Kirk was quitting the podcast?
Chris Gasper thinks you lose socks in the washing machine.
I laughed out loud when Gordon Wood popped up on Kenny Burns’ documentary.
Kirk stayed long enough with saddling Portnoy with a one-year Mut contract. Kinda respect it.
Wriggle is an underrated word.
Gonna pay an Indian guy to start an army of pro-Belichick accounts.
Maybe Orlovsky can be the new UConn coach. Mina can be the OC with her big football brain.
Best bet for the weekend: slow moving traffic.
Remember the reason for the season.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Over the river and through the woods.
Bianca says it’s okay to wear your stretchy pants tomorrow.
(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is a bonus musical playlist for your Labor Day weekend enjoyment. We’re nice like that. Assorted Songs of Work and Toil, Songs of Celebration & Songs of Summer’s Departing. Click HERE to download.)
Summer of 369 – Bryan Adams in Taunton
She Complains Hard for the Money – Women In Sports
Jobseeker- The Cryin’ Dohertys
Scenes From an Overpriced Italian Restaurant – The Royles
“Jeff Ross is so ugly not even Mengele would operate on him.”
I hope Alex Guerrero can cure whatever cancer Jeff Ross has.
Kevin Hart, I loved him as that elf in Bad Santa. He should have tried being funny last night.
Nikki Glaser did her homework and knew the guy Gisele is fucking teaches jiu jitsu, not karate. No hill run for her.
How is Drew Bledsoe funnier than actual comedians?
What’s the deal with trans Urkel? Oh, the deal is she is actually funny. Refreshing!
“I don’t know much about football, but I did spend a night on Revis Island!”
That pair of comedians set was less funny than McNally and Jastremski.
Oh great, Ron Burgundy. This bit certainly hasn’t gotten old. Will is lost without Adam McKay.
Dana White couldn’t find two UFC fighters to sit at his table who could pass for straight? What is this, the octagon, or The Birdcage?
Did Matt Chatham make the trip, or was there a rub signing at Wegmans?
“Tom’s taking such a beating tonight; they should change his name to ‘Ted Johnson’s Wife.’”
They needed to factor in more applause time for Belichick.
The audience really didn’t like Aaron Hernandez jokes. His feelings can’t get hurt.
Some Andy Reid clock management by Gronk for his segment.
Ben Affleck’s worst performance since Phantoms.
“Tara Reed’s tits think the docs botched your face, Tom.”
The joke should have been Tom would have confessed to deflating the footballs for ten million dollars.
All the gay jokes landed because being a homo is bad. What?
Schefty doesn’t really believe Tom admitted doing IT, he is just protecting ESPN’s tarnished reputation.
“And Dana White is here, Hi Dana! There’s been a lot of jokes about my ex-wife tonight, but Dana has been happily married for 25 years. I guess the secret is you gotta slap them every once in awhile. Damn, I should have tried that.”
Even if you only read body language at a Rob Gronkowski-level, it was thuddingly obvious Bill wanted absolutely nothing to do with that toast at the podium with Bob.
Mr Kraft, he didn’t look great last night. Made Jeff Ross look like Edelman by comparison. Do they make Yeezy’s with those Joe Biden no-trip soles?
I needed like 30 more massage parlor jokes.
Assembled from the instant reactions of #the15. AregularSports Junk Drawer will appear on its usual day.
The biggest shocker in March Sadness history was Mike Kadlick taking down #1 seed Ted Johnson. Johnson was seen as a heavy favorite to take this year’s title, whereas Kadlick was viewed as either flotsam or jetsam, whichever is worse. Kadlick is complete dark horse. A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.
Exactly who is Mike Kadlick? Let’s start with the basics, he is a Dedham High Graduate and can often be spotted at the Halfway Cafe. After high school, Mike matriculated at Worcester State University, graduating in 2019. While at WSU he was a quarterback on the football team. Opposing team’s scouting reports do not included any of the following words: fluid, hips, strong, arm, or good. During his senior year, he may have put up the most forgettable stat line at any level of college football: 49/115 (42.6%) 495 yards, 1 TD, 5 INT, 5 Sacks. Stats like that may look putrid, but they are still good enough to put Kadlick in the top 6 ex-athletes in local radio, behind Lifshatz, Meg-O, Wiggy, Fauria and Zolak.
After college he took a job writing at a fake media outlet, CLNS media, and now has moved on to write for a failing radio station, WEEI. The quality of his writing is equivalent to his quarterback play. He has a penchant to use lists as a crutch, he loves referencing and quoting other media outlet’s interviews, and includes way too many parenthetical stats. He writes worse than ChatGPT, but he probably works cheaper.. He has a pretty big Twitter following, over 11,000 pornbots. Certainly big enough to qualify him to appear on the “Bet with Josh Marion and Friends” podcast. I’m not a follower, but I did quickly glance through his timeline and it seems pretty benign. Mostly sports aggregation stuff, with a few normal shoepee comments from someone with dreams of working in the hot takez industry. Still nothing that can explain his stunning round 1 upset of Ted Johnson.
That left one last stone yet to be unturned. The “6 Rings Podcast”. Like most people, I have never listened to one second of this podcast. If you list “Fitzy” and “Jumbo” on the marquee of your podcast I’m avoiding it like the plague, but curiosity got the better of me and now I know why Kadlick is hated. His podcasts opinions are just a never-ending stream of contradictory nonsensical opinions, said with such conviction. The gist of it is “the Patriots have to make moves, and they better make the right moves, but you won’t be able to really tell in the short-term if these moves are the right moves, and they better make the moves mentioned in this podcast, which are obviously the right moves, unless they turn out not to be the right moves, but that is fine because speculation is what they have to do – ha, ha, ha, isn’t this funny.” Truly mind-numbing.
I don’t know if all these podcasts, are “live” shows on YouTube, but that seemed to be a big deal to Kadlick. He kept mentioning how many viewers they had, and to be fair, the numbers he quoted, over 5K, put Rich Keefe’s radio ratings to shame. I didn’t bother to check out the video version of the podcast, but I can’t imagine seeing the visage of Messrs. Hart, Stevens and Kadlick adds to the enjoyment. I recommend not listening to the podcast, but if you do, make sure it is at 1.75 speed – at least. That won’t improve the experience any, but it will get it over with quicker and save some of your brain cells.
Kadlick?
So who is Mike Kadlick? He’s just another in a long line of millennials who think they can turn their sports fandom into a career. In short, he is a loser, but in March Sadness losers become winners. On to today’s picks…
Region C: Kevin Paul Dupont (6) vs Rich Keefe (11) Rich Teeth will continue to get more votes than he has listeners and move on to the Sour Sixteen. Trenni Casey (7) vs Chris Gasper (2) This should be a close call. You can’t underestimate how much the voters hate Trenni, even changing her last name couldn’t fool them. Kid Gas, always the Bridesmaid never the bride, may not even make it to the wedding party this year. The year of unexpected upsets continues as Mrs. Casey advances.
Region V: Dan Shaughnessy (6) vs Fred Toucher (3) Expect Toucher to win and claim The Jack Kevorkian Memorial Cup. Mike McCarthy (10) vs Dan Lifshatz (2) Lifshatz’s bankrollz McCarthy, and waddles on.
Region N: Mike Kadlick (16) vs Mark Dondero (8) Kadlick’s Cinderella run continues as he dominates a flailing and gesticulating Dondero. Karen Guregian (5) vsGabby Starr (13) In today’s distaff contest, expect Gabs to win by a nose.
Region T: Tony Masserroti (1) vs Chris Curtis (9) A matchup of the two radio personalities recently suspended for casual racism last year. Mazz nips Curtis. Scott Zolak (4) vs Mark Daniels (5) It’s a “Sophie’s Choice” matchup for Jonathan Kraft. Daniels may have a pipeline to the front office, but Zolak ruins everything., The fireworks have been postponed again, Zo survives.
The 15 