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And the Winner(?) of the 2025 March Sadness Tournament is…
Tony Massarotti. A two-time Consolation Match winner, his terribleness finally shone through when it counted. And his broadcast partner Michael Felger? Not a winner. Fact: not opinion. Sorrey! Thanks to the Collaborative, the Selection Committee, and especially all the voters. See you soon!
2025 March Sadness Championship
No, not Felger & Mazz, it’s Felger versus Mazz! Which of the two is the worst of the worst this year? Entirely up to you. The poll will close at 9 PM EDT.
04/02/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
It’s never a good sign when your publicity stunt is initially thought of as an April Fool’s Day prank.
Officially tuning into Devers at bats like it’s Sosa-McGwire.
If it is the University of Denver, why do they go by DU? That doesn’t make sense. What am I missing @DU_Pioneers?
I just paid $7 for a loaf of bread. I hate it here.
Starting to believe the Red Sox might actually need THE BUTCHIE.
All baseball bats are torpedo shaped.
Flexing the gift card in the photo like it’s an Audi key fob.
I feel like people who grew up without money save things for a rainy day. And it’s really an unfair system.
‘Dan Campbell but he grew up further away from power lines’ is a tough sell for me.
Cakes are cooking for Reggie Smith, Emmylou Harris, Ayako Okamoto, David Robinson, Juha Kankkunen, Christopher Meloni, Keren Jane Woodward, Clark Gregg, Bill Romanowski, Greg Camp, Tammi Reiss, Roselyn Sanchez, Pedro Pascal, Adam Rodriguez, Rory Sabbatini, Michael Fassbender, Jeremy Bloom, Yung Joc, Jesse Plemons, Quavo, and Zach Bryan.
I’d like to think Parcells has as much use for a red jacket as Belichick does for an AFC championship trophy.
Isaiah Stewart needs like a hug or a role model or something.
MBTA CR – Greenbush Line trains will experience severe delays due to police activity on the right of way in the Cohasset area.
All the best hitting coaches tell you to flare your elbows, be as rigid as possible, and slide forward with every swing.
I can tell I’m turning into a curmudgeon because I hate almost every internet “trend” or gimmick or whatever. Like this dude with his ice and his banana can fuck off. I just get irrationally angry whenever I even see a banana near some ice water now.
Irons is just mad I got a free Big Gulp yesterday morning.
Original Mystique?! The chairs are cooking now!
Pretty, pretty good road trip, Celtics.
Jack Clark hit the second most impactful home run of the 1980s. Prove me wrong..
Richard Chamberlain was the Wilt Chamberlain of gay guys.
A team secretly made new bats? This like the 1983 America’s Cup all over again!
Can you brandish anything other than a weapon?
Hey now, you’re an all-star
Get your game on, go play
Hey now, you’re a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
(And all that glitters is gold)
Only shootin’ stars break the mold.
Needy Kraft gets the attention he craves, the local media gets their hero Duane shoehorned (tracksuited?) into the Pats HoF, it’s a Win-Win-Lose!
I once forgot to wear my shoes in the house and was limited to only five vacation weeks that year.
Honk if you remember Dennis Conner.
I know it has been a long time and nobody cares, but there is no way in hell Kevin Mitchell was more valuable than Will Clark in 1989.
NEWSMAX debuts on the New York Stock Exchange and Bianca isn’t there to ring the bell? Outrageous!
A: Store brand.
Jeff Howe still hasn’t broken the Stefon Diggs news.
Irons is just mad that his teeth aren’t the color of roasted almonds.
Why does Bill Simmons pronounce it “Mim-phis?”
I’m just saying stop bothering us with your life-altering family tragedies.
Best bet for the weekend: a #1 seed winning. Or two!
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I grew up lower middle class.
2025 The Four You Deplore Results and Consolation Match
In understandably light voting, we get the Felger VS. Mazz matchup. Yay.
Championship tilt Thursday, but for now, it’s Big Ted versus Kid Gas in the consolation match. Polls open until 8:30 EDT.
2025 March Sadness – The Four You Deplore
Will it be a 98.5 The Sports Hub drive time intramural finals? Or false erudition vs Cro-Magnonism? Or a combination thereof? Only your votes can give us that answer. Polls will stay open until 8:30 PM EDT.
March Sadness 2025 – The Hateable Eight Results
The Hateable Eight is now The Four You Deplore.
Region C winner: Ted Johnson. Region N winner: Mike Felger.
Region V winner: Christopher Gasper. Region T winner Tony Massarotti.
See you in the polling place come Monday. Enjoy the weekend.
2025 March Sadness – The Hateable Eight
Four matches today. All contestants capable of moving on to the next round. Polls will remain open until 9 PM EDT. Let your hate flow through you!
2025 March Sadness – The Hateable Eight Preview
Welcome to The Hateable Eight. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. YOU must be vote cautiously.
Region C Final
2 Ted Johnson vs 5 Andy Hart
A freakish mismatch that Mary Shelley would love. Frankenstein’s monster meets CTE-gor. Both are so inconsequential that WEEI isn’t even bothering to put either of their names on “The Afternoon Show”. Dumbo Hart has been polishing up on his polls, but he can’t beat this Johnson.
Region V Final
1 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer
If you squint really hard this is a classic “Nerd” vs “Jock” showdown. Gasper thinks he’s smart because he owns a thesaurus and Bertie thinks he’s an All-American he-man because he beat an indecent exposure charge at THE Brohio State. Kid Gas knows how to pretend to be smart by using a big words when he writes, but it’s awfully strange how his vocabulary becomes very monosyllabic when not in print. And the dying print media is Gasper’s level. He quickly failed at his attempt of being a sports anchor on WCVB, and NESN recently pulled the plug on his little watched Boston Globe streaming TV venture.
When he’s not living vicariously through intercollegiate athletes at his beloved alma mater Albert Redenbacher Breer is busy battling Piping Plovers on the dunes of Duxbury. He also claims to be an NFL Insider, even though has no sources, he never ventures off his couch and has yet to break a single story. He’s great at confirming things, and telling you what he thinks, but much like his Austrian Großvater he knows nothing… NOTHING!.
All his families Nazi gold won’t be able help Albert buy a spot in the Final Four.
Region N Final
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 2 Michael Felger
The big question heading into this match up is will either candidate NOT be on vacation today? When she’s not away on an all expenses paid trip, Gabby lays claim to the title of “Red Sox reporter” for the Herald, but everyone knows that the day-to-day beat work really belongs to Mac Cerullo. The “Gabby Starr Reporter” thing is really a vanity project, funded by her father. Which is a step up from her “Girl at the Game” blog which was a just a grift for trips and game tickets funded by her simp followers. I’m actually crying just thinking about it!
Felger somehow continues to be the dominant presence in the Boston Sports Mediot landscape, polluting the airwaves on 98.5 and NBC Sports Boston. He’s working two jobs just to avoid running into Gene Lavanchy at home.
Felger’s paint by numbers contrarian act won’t be enough to eclipse Gab’s shining star.
Region T Final
3 Cerrone Battel Ackerman vs 4 Tony Massarotti
The last time Mazz came across a couple of guys like Mr. Battel Ackerman he ended up suspended for a week. Ironically, Mazz’s overt racism resulted in Battel getting the chance to sell his soul for a few weekend/holiday slots. Now Battel can cosplay as a Boston mediot, all while living comfortably down in North Carolina thanks to his bread-winning wife. There’s no way “a guy like that” is going to steal the Regional Title from Mazz. Cerrone can’t hear us right?
Patrick is from Andover del Norte.
03/26/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer
Why not just make the entire city out of sports arenas?
I have referred Domantas Sabonis to Tom Homan for immediate deportation.
Need an entry to sports, other than just turning the game on? Try Katie Nolan’s newest short-lived show.
Jalen Rose was dressed like he’s the captain of a cruise liner.
On the one hand, it’s not MY money, but on the other, Diggs is on the wrong side of 30 and coming off an ACL injury.
Scal looks like he has the opposite of whatever Mookie is suffering from.
Chisholm buys the Celtics. Chisholm, MN was home to Archibald “Moonlight” Graham. You mean Doc Graham.
You sound like someone who has no streaming friends.
It’s sad to hear George Foreman died, but I’m glad it wasn’t George Foreman, George Foreman, George Foreman, George Foreman, or George Foreman. No father should have to bury a son.
Cakes are cooking for Bob Woodward, Diana Ross, Steven Tyler, Fran Sheehan, Vicki Lawrence, Alan Silvestri, Martin Short, Tony Papenfuss, Leeza Gibbons, Chris Hansen, Marcus Allen, John Stockton, Kevin Seitzer, Ulf Samuelsson, Michael Imperioli, Kenny Chesney, Leslie Mann, Larry Page, Irina Spîrlea, Anaïs Mitchell, Keira Knightly, Jessica McClure, Von Miller, Paige VanZant, and Danielle Bregoli.
Ben Simmons is Australian. He has trouble when playing in the northern hemisphere.
Goats are low-key everywhere.
Overly wide pelvis is the “short arms/small hands” of the WNBA scouting report.
Hey gang of true insiders! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He’s way too leveraged. Go ask around about the deal.”
Josina Anderson tweets like a four-star general who’s been kicked in the head by a horse.
The NFL Competiton Committee now has released its proposed rule and bylaw changes, including expanding instant replay to cover “objective aspects of a play and/or to address game administration issues when clear and obvious video evidence is present.”
Cooper Flagg is going to Philly because I can’t have nice things.
Mattapan Trolley: Shuttle buses replace service from 11:30 PM to the end of service on March 26 – 27 for trackwork.
Sabonis accidentally injures a lot of people.
FYI If you like Beetlejuice, Walmart has a ton of Beetlejuice apparel on sale.
If Tyrese Proctor were a doctor he would be Doctor Proctor. And what’s more, if he was an ass doctor, he’d be a proctorologist! No applause necessary.
And it’s a free for all in the parking lot
Tell me who will rule the street
And the night explodes
When the cops bring down the heat
And the chains they crash like thunder
While the weak ones all retreat
Gotta draw first blood
Or they’ll read your funeral rights
When the lightning strikes
Have more arcane requests at the deli counter. 2/5 a pound of turkey? Get the actual fuck out of here.
There’s only room for one Pastor Pedo Defender in this town.
Honk if you remember Diego Segui.
I am begging the Red Sox to give Campbell a better # before opening day. He just isn’t a #28
Is anyone else triggered by sports figures referring to the “DNA” of a team, describing attributes that don’t have ANY similarity to DNA?
People wouldn’t be giving Coach Hurley all this guff if he were Italian.
Playboy 92 Harris Rd anytime you want that smoke.
Thanks to Celtics City i learned Dave Cowens was Shaughnessy and Ryan’s hero and basically a fucking flake. Manny with a motor and fewer dead grandmothers.
You have to leave Boston to visit Flavortown now.
If you’re asking Jim Murray for literally anything you absolutely need to kill yourself. There’s no other option.
Inviting the wrong person into a group chat? Who would do that?
Best bet for the weekend: the return of baseball (and hope) to the region.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Cool the engines. Cool the engines down.
The 15 