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09/17/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 17, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*It always comes back to baseball, Danny. Robert Redford 1936-2025.*

First The Whammer, then Bump Bailey, and now Mr. Roy Hobbs? 2025 is clearing out the cast of The Natural.

I have as many FBS wins as Notre Dame this season and I’m not in the AP Top 25.

Well, to the good, in a couple of weeks Mike McDaniel will be able to use his Breitling watch to tell time.

So the show about the entertainment industry cleaned up at the Emmys? That never happens.

Tom Brady. A 24-year journey from from Mo Lewis to Mo Atta.

After Borregales missed 2 xp’s Patriots fans were ready to check him for disqualifying tattoos.

Too soon to call Carles Gil a coach killer?

Cakes are cooking for Phil Jackson, Fee Waybill, Cassandra Peterson, Rita Rudner, Scott Simpson, John Franco, Steve Clifford, Ty Tabor, Baz Luhrmann, Paul Feig, Bryan Singer, Kyle Chandler, Anastacia, Mark Brunell, David Reid, Rasheed Wallace, Jimmie Johnson, Flo Rida, Danny Haren, Eugenia Volodina, Alex Ovechkin, Mason Raymond, and Patrick Mahomes II.

Pablo Torre may be a strange lil fella who’s more obsessed with Jordon Hudson than Coach Bill himself, but he does seem to have Steve Ballmer dead to rights.

Cool limp, bro.

I hope Mike Reiss is going to demand a personal apology from the nepo GM for drafting Ja’Lynn Polk.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to police activity at Harvard.

‘Wake Up Barstool?’ That just makes one think of all the Barstool Rohypnol ‘n Foam parties back in the day.

If the Red Sox lose out they will finish 82-80. They were 81-81 last year.

Stefon Diggs and Cardi will definitely have to play zone and not man with all them kids.

You can say anything you like
But you can’t touch the merchandise
She’ll give you every penny’s worth
But it will cost you a dollar first

You can step outside your little world
(Step outside your world)
You can talk to a pretty girl
She’s everything you dream about…

(But don’t fall in love) She’s a beauty
(She’s one in a million girl) One in a million girl
(Why would I lie?) Why would I lie?

Congratulations to WNBA KIA Most Improved Player Award Winner Veronica Burton.

Another 2004 Red Sox documentary in the offing? Who asked for that?

And that goes double for Nana Gary Myers’ book.

I’m not saying you fiddled with the thermostat, but I didn’t set the heat at 55 degrees and the AC at 80.

Honk if you remember the Montrealer train.

I wonder if Pablo Torre is going to investigate the Saudi Flag Football League.

David Pastrnak will be limited in the first few days for training camp with an undisclosed injury.

Molly Qerim is a free agent.

Best bet for the weekend: Christian Gonzalez’s hamstring keeps him inactive vs Pittsburgh.

*Perpetually skeptical as to CLNS. Charlie Kirk 1993-2025*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, and things of that nature.

*And Happy Birthday to British actress Ella Purnell.*

*I hope Fred isn’t listing his height as 6’1″ on Grindr.*

Football Cat’s Week 2 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 12, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Can anyone of YOU beat Football Cat? The answer is a resounding “NO”. Despite what a nameless (brainless?) intern announced earlier this week. None of you (NONE OF YOU!) picked more winners in Week 1 than our beloved Football Cat. The faux “winner” picked 11 winners, mildly impressive for a human being. However, Football Cat picked 12 winners! TWELVE. This isn’t even advanced math like differential equations or, even worse, percentages (*gasp*). You don’t need to be a lonely pathetic ex-con finance manager working weekends selling unnecessary gap insurance to naive customers at your local car dealership to understand that 12 is greater than 11.

Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time

Unfortunately we here at Football Cat World Headquarters have been forced to petition the courts for a temporary injunction against the distribution of the official The15 joke prize pack to Mr. Warren Dull’s aunt. We request Miss/Ms./Mrs. Dull, or her representatives, direct all inquiries to @SteveBosell15. We look forward to eventually awarding the official The15 joke prize pack to an actual winner… which will be never, because YOU can’t beat Football Cat! You just can’t, but you’re welcome to keep trying.

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise

Good day and good luck!

Sunday Lunch Time
Jaguars at Bengals (-3.5)
Stripes over spots

Spots and stripes? That’s definitely advanced fashion

Giants at Cowboys (-5.5)
Pokes pop Pituitaries

Bears at Lions (-6.5)
Lions turn on their former handler

Rams (-5.5) at Titans
Horny sheep squash Tits

Patriots at Dolphins (-1.5)
Pats flounder against Phins

49ers (-2.5) at Saints
My good friend Mac is going to own in New Orleans

Mac and I will direct our laughter towards North Carolina (ha ha ha!)

Bills (-6.5) at Jets
Buffalo gets on the same page and orchestrate their attacks to perfection! The only thing McDermott is upset about is that this game wasn’t played on Thursday.

Seahawks at Steelers (-2.5)
Rodgers keeps rolling

Browns at Ravens (-11.5)
Black birds soar over Browns

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-1.5) at Colts
Danny Dimes drops Denver

Panthers at Cardinals (-6.5)
Pretty Red Birds bludgeon Black Cats

Eagles at Chiefs (-1.5)
American Birds prove that their Super Bowl domination of those poor Native Americans was no fluke.

Sunday Prowl Time
Falcons at Vikings (-3.5)
Norsemen swallow up Penix

A hot dog is all the censors would allow us to use

Monday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Texans (-2.5)
Texicans trounce Tampa

Monday Sleepy Time
Chargers (-3.5) at Raiders
Plugs short circuit the strip

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Week 2 – Beat Football Cat

Posted on September 11, 2025 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Same rules, same prizes as week 1!

Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!

A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt! – A Jar of Fluff – and, a KENO snapback hat!

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this week’s NFL matchups:

Jaguars Bengals

Patriots Dolphins

Giants Cowboys

Bears Lions

Rams Titans

49ers Saints

Bills Jets

Seahawks Steelers

Browns Ravens

Broncos Colts

Panthers Cardinals

Eagles Chiefs

Falcons Vikings

Bucs Texans

Chargers Raiders Tiebreaker – total points scored combined

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Good day and good luck!

09/10/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 10, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Jerod Mayo won his first game as HC. Just sayin’.

Stupid me thought Kawhi’s LA Clippers contract was the no show job! <Rodney Dangerfield.gif>

Just catch the 95 MPH fastball you weren’t expecting. What’s the big deal? But you know who else wasn’t expecting a fast one down the middle? That’s right: John O’Keefe.

Dondy is gonna own the 2030’s

No mass shooting at UMass Lowell last week means the Shedd Park incident still the worst catastrophe in Lowell history.

“Jump Around”(1992) is not a great walkout choice for Super Bowl champs on opening night.

Pam Oliver is morphing into Harriet Tubman.

Brazil can be a dangerous country. A friend of mine lives there.

The subtext of The Departed is that Nicholson’s character is an impotent homosexual who grooms young, impressionable men into a life of crime. So yeah, I’m fucking JACKED UP for football season!

A tale of two rookie pitchers by facial hair… Payton Tolle: gets a 5 o’clock shadow at 3 p.m. Connelly Early: shaves once a month whether he needs it or not.

Get ready for the ‘Words and Phrases People Associate With Bill Belichick in Context’ website to bring the heat!

Cakes are cooking for Artie Tripp, Danny Hutton, José Feliciano, Larry Nelson, Judy Geeson, Barriemore Barlow, Bill O’Reilly, Don Muraco, Don Powell, Joe Perry, Gary Danielson, Amy Irving, Pat Mastelotto, Johnny Hickman, Carol Decker, Kate Burton, Siobhan Fahey, Chris Columbus, Colin Firth, Randy Johnson, John E. Sununu, Joe Nieuwendyk, Robin Goodridge, Big Daddy Kane, Guy Ritchie, Julie Halard-Decugis, Paula Kelley, Ben Wallace, Ryan Phillippe, Timothy Goebel, Misty Copeland, Joey Votto, Coco Rocha, Jordan Staal, and Brooke Henderson.

Rob Bradford was a Make-A-Wish kid who never died.

How are you, a grown ass 40+ year old adult, not using the correct form of “you’re” in a company wide email you sent to the owner of the company? You ARE…not ‘your’…what’re we doing here? This is like Day 1 school stuff.

Collinsworth looks like he got his makeup done at the funeral home.

Winthrop Ferry Notice: Service will bypass Seaport through the end of service today, Sept 10, due to construction for the Red Bull Cliff Diving World Series. Passengers can use the 712/713 bus between Orient Heights and Winthrop for alternate service.

Trying to find a 5’5” Asian male in Lowell? Good luck!

Maxx Crosby looks like a guy from one of Sons of Anarchy’s affiliate clubs in Oregon that gets introduced and killed in the same episode.

Twitter is now just literal Nazis and then guys who argue about Tom Brady, for some reason.

I’m worried about the Red Sox.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I miss taking walks in the woods with you and my wiener.”

I’d like to see a throwback NFL game where they install a dirt baseball infield.

Too bad the Celtics didn’t pay Jrue and Porzingis with tree money.

To call a game because of a thunderstorm is ridiculous. The Eagles played the Cardinals in a blizzard in 1948. I was there. – Upton Bell.

Is 38 Studios moving to the Seaport too?

You can’t put a number on how many kids I want to see catch measles in Florida.

Hockey things are happening. Rookie Camp is underway!

50% of my enjoyment from watching the Messi Barca teams was thanks to Ray’s commentary of the matches. Ray made me a fan and judging by the comments here… that was true of so many others. Congrats on a magesteeeeeeerial run.

Micah Parsons chasing down Jared Goff legit looked like a video you’d see on Animal Planet.

Ohio State beat Grambling like they whistled at a white woman. What?

Haha.. it said a New England Journal of Medicine study. So, its actually easier to sauce and get jacked than to be a natty daddy and just do the work.

Watching the game over this morning: I’m infuriated by the way TreVeyon Henderson was used in this game.

Early wins > Early Wynn * (* Adjusted for recency bias)

So the Billy Joel song, ‘Scenes From an Italian Restaurant’, is that restaurant Mr. Cacciatore’s, down on Sullivan Street
across from the medical center?

My gen alpha niece just asked me if I’ve seen the movie “KPop Demon Hunters.”

Will Campbell with a compression sock on his left ankle. Looked fine.

Is Jeff Howe selling Never Forget 9/3/25 merch for charity yet?

Jeremiah was a bull frog
Was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine.

Singin’
Joy to the world
All the boys and girls, now
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me.

Alls I’m saying is Bill Belchick wasn’t this petty a person until he was a media member for like, five months.

Honk if you remember Subway Flatizzas.

I worry less about the shoulder with Boutte then the clavicle.

News Item: Arthur Demoulas removed as Market Basket president, CEO. Time is a flat circle of sawdust.

If I’m going to take any health advice from an ex-junkie, It’s going to be Keith Richards.

Imagine having the audacity to criticize professional athletes for being too proud of a championship.

Patriots HC Mike Vrabel: DC Terrell Williams will be away for the next few days. Unrelated to the incident from March. Something that just came up. Plan is to run some tests.

Jeffrey Simmons always seems so under control and level headed.

Best bet for the weekend: Coach Drip in Miami needing a win to save his job.

Not the first time Dougie Meehan has pulled 7 G’s in one day! (Danger Zone guitar riff)

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friend Larry Legend, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Roll us both down a mountain and I’m sure the fat man would win.

Football Cat’s Week 1 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on September 5, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Football Cat is tired from watching the Patriotic Birds play the Pokes.

Your long wait is finally over, and so is your Summah, football season is upon us! And this season is no ordinary season… this season YOU (yes, YOU!) get the opportunity to go head to head with our very own Feline Football Forecaster, the one, the only Football Cat!

One of our interns (I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet) outlined the rules in an earlier post.

The Cliff Notes version: If you can pick more winners than Football Cat you will be eligible to win a fabulous The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of tonight’s game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants! It’s that easy. All you have to lose is your self respect.

Which leaves us with the question… Can YOU beat Football Cat?

Sexta à Noite Prowl Time
Chiefs (-3) vs Chargers
“I play the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil
‘Cause everybody plays the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil
‘Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that you want still
Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil?”

Plugs shock Chiefs in the Southern Hemisphere’s Winter Classic

Pelé knew which game was the *real o jogo bonito*

Sunday Lunch Time
Buccaneers (-2) at Falcons
An opening week NFC South six pointer! Why wasn’t this on Sunday Night Football? Bucs win and all but clinch the division

Bengals (-6) at Browns
Stripey cats leave the Browns strewn across their litter box

Actually Cleveland is a really nice place… for me to poop on!

Dolphins at Colts (-1.5)
Ponies pop Porps

Panthers at Jaguars (-3)
Cat fight! Spotted cats send black cats home with two black eyes

Raiders at Patriots (-2.5)
Botox Brady’s team comes up short in the shadow of Tom’s tiny headed statue

Cardinals (-6.5) at Saints
Cardinals win the Holy War

Say two Hail Marys and one Act of Cat-trition (*uproarious laughter*)

Steelers (-3) at Jets
Men of Steel dominate in Metropolis

Krypto, Krytpo, Krypto! Why no love for Streaky the Supercat?

Giants at Commanders (-6)
I’m calling the president. Mr. President, we need the National Guard. We need as many men as you can spare because the Commanders are killing the Giants. Wait… what? They’re already here? Never mind.

My old Platoon Sergeant said the Guard was for pussies

Sunday Dinner Time
Titans at Broncos (-7.5)
Tits sag in the thin air

49ers (-2.5) at Seahawks
Fake Sea Birds rub Purrrdy the wrong way

Lions at Packers (-2.5)
Jungle Kings devour Meat Men

Texans at Rams (-2.5)
Horny sheep give Houston problems

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens at Bills (-1.5)
Scary Black birds spook Hairy Cows

Monday Prowl Time
Vikings at Bears (-1.5)
Norsemen skin grizzlies

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Week 1 – Beat Football Cat!

Posted on September 4, 2025 by TheIntern15 One comment

Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!

Simply pick who you think will win this week’s games. (Friday, Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack!

A BURNER ACCOUNT Tee Shirt!

A Jar of Fluff

and a KENO snapback hat!

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this week’s NFL matchups:

Chiefs Chargers

Bucs Falcons

Bengals Browns

Dolphins Colts

Raiders Patriots

Cardinals Saints

Steelers Jets

Giants Commanders

Panthers Jaguars

Titans Broncos

49ers Seahawks

Lions Packers

Texans Rams

Ravens Bills

Vikings Bears Tiebreaker – total points

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Good day and good luck!

09/03/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on September 3, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Let’s go RED Sox! (weird Tom Werner cadence)*

All the cvnts who were performatively rooting for TCU Monday are the same ones who told us they were just being unbiased for years.

“The diamond is loaded” is absolutely a thing that people say.

I already want Tommy DeVito and his greasy butt plug of a manager dead.

All these years Boston sports fans hated Peyton Manning. Now they love Payton Pritchard and Payton Tolle. Amazing what swapping out an E for an A will do.

The next Jordon Hudson joke is going to be the funny one; I can feel it.

Brennan Bernardino looks like Noel Gugliemi.

They gave his radio show to a puffy whore. They took away his casino access. They made him angry. And you don’t make Dan Lifshatz angry.

Cakes are cooking for Dick Motta, Al Jardine, Dave Eichelberger, Valerie Perrine, Eric Bell, Don Brewer, Steve Jones, Costas Mandylor, Spike Feresten, Charlie Sheen, Chris Gatling, Luis Gonzalez, Keith Traylor, Martin Straka, Damon Stoudamire, Jevon Kearse, Garrett Hedlund, Shaun White, Dominic Thiem, Kaia Gerber, and Eileen Gu.

Jimmy Bulger would have turned 95 today too, Danny. But as the Bard wrote, “violent delights have violent ends.”

Hey gang of three-color carbonless invoice enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do you have other plans today, or is that it?”

Old, white guys really love coffee.

The home run leader in the American League and the National League are both from the Cape Cod League. You’re welcome.

Green Line D Branch Reminder: Through September 11 Shuttle buses are replacing service between Kenmore and Riverside for maintenance work. Express shuttles are operating between Newton Highlands and Copley.

You know it’s a big event when Blake Snell shows up.

People from New England that use y’all should be shot in the face.

Someone please give James Gunn a hug and tell him how proud they are about how many obscure comic book characters he knows.

Nobody sweats enough to need 5000+ mgs of sodium a day.

Lays knows how to make potato chips, their Sour Cream & Onion and Barbecue flavors especially.

On May 13, 2004, the Boston Red Sox were blown out 12-6 by the Toronto Blue Jays and got passed for first place in the AL East by the New York Yankees. Roman Anthony was born that day. The rest is history.

I love when people pretend not understand why Irish-American Catholics root for Notre dame. So silly!

My dad is going to hang himself because my mom will watch the auto-previews on Netflix for hours and not pick anything to actually watch.

Good job, rookie Oriental golfer lady.

Noel Gugliemi is an American actor best known for his portrayals of Southern Californian gangsters.

Matt Patricia rolling out an overload sim with Caleb Downs on the line paired with a coffee house stunt the other way. Hooooo boy.

If the Sun moves to Boston, and assuming they adopt the Celtics colors and theme, they should absolutely be renamed the Banshees.

Not Luis Suarez!

Portugal is advancing to the next round of EuroBasket after a thrilling win following Neemias Queta’s ejection.

Roman has a strained oblique? Oh! Bleak!

Ay these edits on Tik Tok these days are on another level ! I don’t know what they are feeding these young hustlers but my goodness! Keep goin crazy!!!

Four young chiquitas in Omaha
A waitin’ for the band to return from the show
Feelin’ good, feelin’ right, it’s Saturday night
The hotel detective, he was outta sight

Now these fine ladies, they had a plan
They was out to meet the boys in the band
They said, “Come on dudes, let’s get it on”
And we proceeded to tear that hotel down.

I really feel like Saturdays are for Dr. Pepper ads and Sundays are for State Farm. Make it happen.

Woah, they released Buehler?

Honk if you remember the longest game in Fenway Park’s history, a 20 inning 8-7 loss to Seattle.

It’s time for Captain’s Skate at WARRIOR ICE ARENA already?

Well actually, Pete Rose is still not in the Baseball Hall of Fame, Mr. President.

Good for you, Jeff Howe. Way to wrest control from that dangerous spiral of six beers a week.

Tommy DeVito…we’re supposed to believe that this is a real person?

SportsChannel and NESN were $20/month on Continental Cablevision in the 80s. I paid for it with my paper route.

Wrexham has a midget.

With whom is Drake Maye getting his revenge? His elementary school teachers?

Kenny Anderson understands brand loyalty!

BC Eagles looking good early.

Best bet for the weekend: win or lose, no Gatorade bath for Coach Vrabes.

*You don’t need an official captain to hold a Captains’ Skate.*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We lose 80 minutes of daylight in September.

And happy birthday to statuesque Gold Medal-winning softball pitcher Jennie Finch.

08/20/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 20, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Haven’t the Jimmy Fund kids been through enough, why make them get interviewed by Dave O’Brien?

Steve Pagliuca is a class act who understood what it meant to represent our fandom as an owner on the NBA stage. I was disappointed he didn’t have the winning bid but this statement exudes the class he showed through his tenure as part owner. Thank you Pags!

ESPN shitting on the grave of Bert Bell will keep Upton Bell alive two more decades.

Say ‘there’s magic the the greens!’ a few more times TC.

Spending that beautiful Saturday inside because the Pats played at 1 is reminding me of all the awesome fall Sunday I’ll be inside all day because the Pats play at 1.

The coach’s challenges add to the quaint ambiance of the Little League World Series.

Watched the first episode of Hard Knocks with the Bills last night. Dion Dawkins spinning around in a race car with his young kids in the passenger seat is fucking insane. I need Felger to comment and get cancelled.

Apparently the Celtics marketing folks are trying to stay under the luxury tax as well.

Cakes are cooking for Don King, Dave Brock, Rich Brooks, Graig Nettles, Connie Chung, John Noble, Robert Plant, John Hiatt, Al Roker, Quinn Buckner, Joan Allen, Cindy Nicholas, Mark Langston, Duffy Waldorf, Jr., KRS-One, Andy Benes, Fred Durst, Ke Huy Kwan, Todd Helton, Misha Collins, Chris Drury, Andrew Garfield, Alex Newell, and Demi Lovato.

One thing Joe Burrow is going to do is stick with a drive mentally no matter what car wash he’s going through to get to the end zone and still score.

What’s the big deal here? Jesus is King.

Hey gang this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “As a mom of a boy, I need Donna Kelce to write a book on how to raise sons. INSTANT buy.”

The Cleveland Guardians are going to overtake the Red Sox despite selling at the trade deadline and having their relief ace intentionally lose.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a passenger requiring medical assistance at Harvard.

‘The Wheels on the Bus’ might be the most misogynistic song ever. All the women repeatedly tell their children “shhh” all through the town while the men adoringly say “I love you” to the kids instead. Truly a sad and misguided take on women’s relationships with their young boys and girls.

Ricardo Quaresma looks like he’s running for mayor of Swansea.

Back at the mirror, your good friend
Talkin’ to the mirror to play out your game
Stop in the middle, I stop then
Look at the winner and the price you pay
Mmm

Cold was the winter, I tremble
Long was the fall that had no end
Now little by little, the air clears
Little by little, I can breathe, I can breathe again

I can breathe again
I can breathe again now
Call your name, call your name
Call your name, call your name
Everything changes, everything changes
I call your name.

Paul Pierce said there was an “intense moment” between Kevin Garnett and Kendrick Perkins during a team meeting during the 2008-09 season.

A pitta me, carpe diem, de facto, it goes on and on like that, eck cetera.

OK new cellphone, maybe you have a point not liking the dollar store car charger. My bad.

The 2019 movie The Vault was pretty good, but the soundtrack was exemplary.

Lou Damn Merloni talking over and explaining cancer to a (checks notes) Oncology Specialist isn’t triggering at all.

I would go to a Big Head Todd and the Monsters show any day of the week.

The McCourty Twins as commentators for the Pats preseason is like getting one for the price of two! Because they sound the same.

Honk if you remember swimmer Janet Evans.

Do you tip at full-service gas stations?

Red Sox third base coach Kyle Hudson was probably thinking about how Braintree got eliminated from the LLWS when he held the runner.

Get well soon Sophie Cunningham.

I’m sure Upton will be happy when ESPN resolves the situation by issuing a 2 A.M. apology. Once.

When did they take Monument Park out of Williamsport?

A compelling case could be made for a polar bear effectively taking on an adult male elephant.

Best bet for the weekend: Coast Guard Search & Rescue missions.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. She says your voice cannot command.

*And happy birthday to American actress Amy Adams. Alliteration!*

08/06/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on August 6, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Wild Card Fever Grips Hub!

Patriots coach Mike Vrabel on his young very aggressive young players who play very very hard. “ Hey we need you’d for 17.”

I feel like we didn’t need to know the escaped lizard’s name.

Shoutout to the Braintree American team. Braintree has always had nasty baseball at the youth level. Great to see them on the doorstep of Williamsport.

Georges Niang; we hardly knew ye.

I like the concept of wearing a tee shirt from a different beach to the beach.

Beantown is Sweep-town!

There’s nothing more white trash than being the “I know crime!” guy.

Cakes are cooking for Peter Bonerz, Dorian Harewood, Catherine Hicks, Vinnie Vincent, Pat MacDonald, Stepfanie Kramer, Randy DeBarge, Dale Ellis, Michelle Yeoh, Kimberley Conrad, David Robinson, Mike Greenberg, Mike Budenholzer, M. Night Shyamalan, Geri Horner, Vera Ann Farmiga, Soleil Moon Frye, and Leslie Odom Jr.

Tossing dildos on the WNBA court turned into yelling “get in the hole!” in record time.

Hey gang of rollicking reprobates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Yeah let me get one milquetoast please.”

Garrett Crochet looks like he cooks meth for the Aryan Brotherhood.

Frances Upton was a Ziegfeld Follies Star who signed a 2-picture deal in Hollywood. She came back to the Stage and continued her career.

I thought the didgeridoo was a soulless killing animal.

Abraham Toro has great teeth.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Imagine Mike Felger being one of your heroes?

Disgusted in the crowd during Becky-Lyra. Spending hundreds of dollars to do the wave in the middle of the match is shit. It was distracting and took away from the match. Unfortunate.

If you can’t afford a roof, just say you can’t afford a roof.

I was going to see The Fantastic Four until I saw how little money it made in its second week.

All the best jobs have Tuesdays off.

Put the stupid fires out Canada or we will start sending tariffs AND acid rain your way again!

Cesar is survived by his dominoes set and cobalt blue Honda Civic.

I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they’re only getting better
I’m doing all right, getting good grades
The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades

I’ve got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou a year — buys a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they’re only getting better
I’m doing all right, getting good grades
The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

News Item: All-Women Broadcast Scores Record Low Ratings, Increase in Presence of Wild Bears.

Thanks to Cesar Osiris for using an alias!

A bidding war for the Connecticut Sun? The WNBA Connecticut Sun?

You can tell how much you owned someone by how much they talk about you after you died.

I don’t know Ma, maybe the phone handsets don’t work because you never put them back on the charger?

Joe Murray just said he puts ketchup on French toast bagel sandwiches? Ew.

Osiris was the god of fertility, agriculture, the afterlife, the dead, resurrection, life, and vegetation in ancient Egyptian religion. And of bad beats, probably.

Honk if you remember Carl Lewis winning four gold medals.

Maybe the Revs should re-sign Gil’s brother while they’re at it?

Applebees owns riblets. The Bell family allegedly owns ‘any given Sunday.’ Advantage: Applebees.

For those updating Patriots rosters at home, please note that CB Tre Avery will wear No. 26, RB JaMycal Hasty has been assigned No. 39, and DT Bryce Ganious gets No. 72.

Hand up, I thought the Sox were gonna lose eight in a row and get right back out of this thing.

Was the Giants-Giants get together in Totowa?

Joon Lee should knock it off, he’s working Chad’s side of Yawkey Way!

Proportional response? Nah.

Best bet for the weekend: pleasant memories shared of our fallen pal, gone but not forgotten.

*This statue only looks a little like Tom Brady!*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the14 were used in this column. Hug your collaborative a little tightah.

and happy birthday to model/actress Adrianne Curry, winner of the first cycle of America’s Next Top Model.

07/30/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on July 30, 2025 by scartsy15 One comment

Critical day coming ! Major League Trade Deadline Thursday at 6 pm !!!

The Tanya Ray Fox getting laid off news is great because her entire personality is “I have the job you wish you had.”

Al these celebrity deaths…damn you 2020!

Revs trying to get Matt Turner back? Ivacic is whatever but he’s like the 7th or 8th problem on the team.

Ryne Sandberg. RIP. Only guy to spell Ryan worse than Rusillo.

I hope Brian Scalabrine remembers to mention discovering Cooper Flagg on every NBC Sports & Peacock basketball broadcast.

So the shooter guy, he’s mad about the brain damage, he comes to the city to shoot Goodell, but then he takes an elevator to the wrong floor because of the brain damage. It’s like O Henry wrote a Seinfeld script.

I assume a wig falls of in a WNBA game 3-4 times per game.

Cakes are cooking for Sid Krofft, Bud Selig, Buddy Guy, Paul Anka, Jimmy Cliff, Jeffrey Hammond-Hammond, Arnold Schwarzenegger, William Atherton, Jean Reno, Frank Stallone, Ken Olin, Delta Burke, Bill Cartwright, Clint Hurdle, Kate Bush, Laurence Fishburne, Jay Feaster, Chris Mullin, Lisa Kudrow, Monique Gabrielle, Jürgen Klinsmann, Vivica A. Fox, Terry Crews, Christopher Nolan, Christine Taylor, Tom Green, Hilary Swank, Justin Rose, Hope Solo, Yvonne Strahovski, Kevin Pittsnogle, and Joey King.

Orange Line Reminder: This weekend, August 2 – 3. No Train service between Wellington & Back Bay due to signal work. Use Buses between Wellington & North Station. Use Green Line between North Station & Copley

Little League announcers tend not to harp on errors.

People don’t die in threes—they just get counted off in threes by people who say, “It always happens in threes”.

Lenny DiNardo is the best dressed man in sports analysis.

Bert Bell warned people about CTE back in nineteen dickety-two.

Hey gang, this Week’s Phrase that Pays is, “So she’s a full-on prostitute now, right?”

My poor lawn is the color of a Triscuit.

One of the biggest gambles in life is going to a different barber when yours is on vacation.

My day has been made. Just heard “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?” on Sirius XM.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Nothing makes you feel young quite like pregaming in a hotel.

Maybe Tanya Ray thought ‘Mass Layoffs’ meant getting laid off while she was back in Massachusetts?

Honk if you remember Welch’s grape soda.

Driving and listening to the Sox game, and the CSB grad and Flemming refusing to call it Minneapolis or Minnesota but “Minny” almost had me veering into a bridge abutment.

So if Sunday you’re free,
Why don’t you come with me,
And we’ll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we’ll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we’re poisoning pigeons in the park.

We’ll murder them all amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin’
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon.
It just takes a smidgin!
To poison a pigeon in the park.

Kenny Anderson didn’t win a championship in the NBA but he is a champion in life.

Charlie McAvoy’s baby boy Rhys is a hoss.

If there was a season to try the Simmons experiment, it’s this upcoming one.

A little paprika will liven up any white food.

Is it safe to ask the question that if Christian Gonzalez can’t figure out this string of being injury prone…is he a bust?

Congratulations to the Baseball Hall of Fame class of 2025.

Jon Meterparel also calls the indoor football for the Mass Pirates in the IFL and he couldn’t be more disinterested and mentally broken discussing these useless games. No disrespect to the Pirates.

For the first time since 1972, Burrillville wins the state title. State champs will play New York State champ next Saturday at 7 in Bristol.

The Hulkster will probably need a custom casket to fit those 24-inch pythons. RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: above-board, gentlemanly baseball between Houston and Boston at Fenway.

And happy birthday to model & actress Jaime Pressly, which is apparently spelled that way.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Feels so good.