Foxborough, MA – The New England Patriots are on a perfectly executed path to future dominance at the quarter mark of the 2024 season, and anyone who doubts this could be missing the bigger picture. Despite their current 2-6 record, which is simply a minor blip on their trajectory, the Patriots have laid the foundation for what will surely be a return to glory in the coming years. Head coach Jerod Mayo has created a master plan that emphasizes long-term growth, and we are seeing the early stages of a renaissance!
First, let’s talk about the defense. Christian Gonzalez and Keion White are emerging as superstar talents. Gonzalez has been a shutdown corner, neutralizing some of the league’s top wide receivers, and White is already one of the best pass rushers in the NFL with four sacks in just four games, on par with elite defenders like Myles Garrett. It’s clear this defensive duo will lead the league for years to come.
Jerod The Inspiring is wearing The Pin. How can you do any less!?!
On offense, while some may criticize the passing game, the Patriots are playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. Rhamondre Stevenson is a beast, leading a ground attack ranked 12th in the league, averaging 127 rushing yards per game. Forget the fumbles; that’s just the universe throwing obstacles in the path to greatness. With time, Stevenson’s ball security will match his explosive playmaking ability, making him one of the most feared backs in the NFL. Yes, the offensive line has had some hiccups, but that’s just part of the Patriots’ master plan to build resilience. The team is rotating through linemen at a breakneck pace, preparing for a future where no other franchise will be able to match their depth and versatility.
Jerod is Smart. S-M-R-T.
As for the quarterback situation, Jacoby Brissett and Drake Maye are part of a visionary strategy designed to slowly but surely cultivate a future superstar. The Patriots aren’t concerned with short-term optics; they are focused on building a sustainable system that will once again make them perennial favorites in the AFC.
Mark it down—this team is on the brink of something special. Give them time, and they may soon reign over the AFC East again.
First the East, then the Conference, and then…who knows?
Note: Old Friend ‘Uncle Gizmo’ took a cue from a recent Entitled Town podcast. He input into ChatGPT: “I’d like to create a story in the current style of Albert Breer. It would be a glowing story about New England Patriots coach Jerod Mayo and would use as its base Patriots media releases for the last month.” The first result wasJerod Mayo: The Emerging Leader Patriots Fans Always Needed.You just read the follow-up, written after NFL Week 5.
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SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Ravens (-9) at Browns Unless the Browns are starting Tippi Hedren at quarterback, expect the Scary Black Birds to run rampant.
They should remake this movie with cats.
Titans at Lions (-11.5) Jungle Kings bounce Tits
Colts at Texans (-6) Texans corral the Colts
Get along little kitties!
Packers (-4.5) at Jaguars Pack Men make mincemeat out of the jet-lagged Spotty Cats
Not again!
Cardinals at Dolphins (-3) Drips dizzy Dolphins drop Deacons
Jets (-7) at Patriots Mayo is not handing in his D.O.R just yet. Jets crash and burn. Love lifts us up where we belong.
He’s got nowhere else to go!
Falcons (-2.5) at Buccaneers Mmmmm, creamsicles.
With just 100 calories per bar, it’s the classic ice cream on a stick dessert that you can enjoy without guilt.
Eagles at Bengals (-2.5) Stripey Cats feast on American Birds
The Migratory Bird Treaty Act was not violated in the making of this image.
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Saints at Chargers (-7.5) Saint Eligius’ gang defeats the Saints
Yes, even electricians have a patron Saint.
Bills (-3) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds upset Hairy Cows
Bears (-2.5) at Commanders Marxist Mariota leads the Commies to victory
“Quarterbacks control the means of offensive production.”
Panthers at Broncos (-9) Black Cats have trouble adapting to the thin air
At altitude, cats prefer hockey.
Chiefs (-10) at Raiders Mahomes’ team finally defeats Brady’s team
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Cowboys at 49ers (-4.5) Federales rob gold diggers
Badges? Badges! We don’t need to show you any stinking badges!
MONDAY PROWL TIME Giants at Steelers (-6.5) Giants can’t defeat Men of Steel
Good luck getting a kid into “Walter’s International Wax Museum” for 40 cents nowadays.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Celebrities expected to be in attendance for the Celtics season-opener included Jeannine Russell, The Duke & Duchess of Athol, Donnie Wahlberg, Shaboozey, Benson Boone, Kai Cenat, Ron Catamount Muskmelon, 21 Savage, Metro Boomin, MBTA Flailin, Gord Marley, A$AP Ferg, Ja’Whaun Bentley, Davon Godchaux, Yung Lil Young, Zeppo Wahlberg, Shukri Wight, the cast of ‘Rescue: Hi-Surf’, and Nibi the Educational Beaver.
Felger should make “Tony, I Think You Had Something You Wanted to Say First?” a weekly feature.
Mookie needed 1927 Yankees Murderers Row protection to break out of his playoff blues.
Albuterol is still the best way to avoid wheezing a lot of bed.
The wax figure on the Liberty Mutual ads is by far the worst iteration of this series.
Who said D-Hop?
Looking forward to having the Dugie rally at City Hall if the Yankees win.
Cakes are cooking for Ang Lee, Dwight Yoakam, Weird Al Yankovic, Doug Flutie, Mike Tomczak, Al Leiter, Kevin Henry, Sanjay Gupta, Keith Van Horn, Cat Deeley, Ryan Reynolds, Pedro Liriano, Izabel Goulart, Emelia Clarke, Leah Van Dale, Fábio Tavares, Margaret Qualley, and Nick Bosa
Precious Achiuwa sounds like the name of a fat Lhasa Apso.
Lynx got jobbed.
Hey gang of paranormal pursuers! This week’s Phrase That Pays is, “To see the ghost, you must first believe in the ghost.”
Stammertime, welcome to Smashville.
Did TNT cut away to commercial because Paul Pierce had floated up into the TD Garden rafters too?
Honey Flower Dan Cong (also called Phoenix Mountain Oolong) is the best tea and it has been unfindable for months and it appears it has come back into stock in the US and is also way less expensive than it was last year. Big win for me.
Orange Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Forest Hills.
LeBron James the Younger debuting to play with his father was one of the most heartwarming painfully forced moments you’ll ever see.
Mercury Morris was the only thing stopping the Chiefs from going undefeated.
Bill Belichick was never 1-6. Bill Belichick never described his own team as “soft.” Bill Belichick never got the pass Jerod Mayo is getting right now. Mayo at 1-6 is treated better than Belichick was at 6-1.
Cousy is a cvnt hair away from being Jimmy Carter.
“Fernandomania” was a blast for baseball fans. Farewell to a Dodgers legend.
Charismatic megafauna!
Ime Udoka would have been at the banner raising if he knew white Cooz was gonna be there! What?
I see people saying that the Dodgers/Yankees series will get great TV ratings. Is that your belief? Because I’m skeptical. Put the two hardest teams in baseball to root for head-to-head, you really think that will draw big numbers?
Ridin’ in the bus down the boulevard, And the place was pretty packed, yeah. Couldn’t find a seat so I had to stand, With the perverts in the back/
It was smellin’ like a locker room, There was junk all over the floor. We’re already packed in like sardines, But we’re stoppin’ to pick up more, look out!
Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus, Another comes on and another comes on, Another one rides the bus; Hey, he’s gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus.
Retire? Are you kidding? The Sultan of Stat would never let down his loyal subjects (that’d be you and math).
Fun Fact: Entitled Town has an IMDB Page.
The Patriots are missing Rhamondre Stevenson, Layden Robinson, Ja’Lynn Polk and Curtis Jacobs from today’s practice Vederian Lowe returned, but looked limited. Keion White also looked limited.
Honk if you waited in line when the iPod was released.
Steve Kerr told TNT to go to commercial.
Imagine hitching your wagon to Mayo’s movable North star.
The Yankees installing Boone as manager for life is kinda weird. Like if the Red Sox had won the 2003 ALCS and then made Trot Nixon manager.
Clams hurt themselves posing with the WNBA trophy? Smdh.
Best bet for the weekend: the Fighting Irish over the Fightin’ Seabees.
It does always come back to baseball, Colin and Nick.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Mayo on the hot seat?
And a happy birthday to Brazilian fashion model Izabel Goulart.
Being a Patriots captain is like being the drummer for Spinal Tap.
‘Look What You Made Me Do’ after a Celtics win hits hard. The most disrespected Champions of all time are on a mission this year. I can’t wait.
Bruins: 41-41 here we come?
I know I’m in the super minority, but AVP had a good day Sunday- and while the discord today is typical, it’s also frivolous.
Cakes are cooking for Bob Weir, David Zucker, Falcão, Sue Pedersen, Tony Carey, Melissa Belote, Roger Phegley, Tim Robbins, Gary Kemp, Bob Mould, Val Skinner, Billy Taylor, Durga McBroom, Flea, Missy Hyatt, German Titov, Tom Tolbert, Joe Murphy, Wendy Wilson, Chad Grey, Darius Kasparaitis, Jermaine Lewis, Paul Kariya, Kellie Martin, John Mayer, Mary Halvorson, Sue Bird, Bryce Harper, and Naomi Osaka.
A nice tribute to Johnny and the other one by the Blue Jackets.
Brian Burns is showing why the Rams were willing to give up two first-round picks for him a few years ago. A massive talent.
Imagine if you had an ambidextrous schizophrenic pitcher? It would be like having two players for the price of one.
Why did I even buy a motorcycle off Temu?
The worst Boston free-agent walk-away since Carlton Fisk? Dave Goucher.
The advertising budgets for some of these Big Pharma psychosomatic drug commercials is outrageous.
Get your plants and veggies in before Thursday.
Do the Jaguars have a deeply discounted season ticket program for pretend bisexuals?
Hey Six Sigma gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “People who try & place catchy names on any process show they really aren’t doing shit.”
Orange Line Reminder: Service has resumed between North Station and Back Bay. Shuttle Buses will operate between Back Bay and Forest Hills through Oct 20. Commuter Rail alternates are available.
It will never not be funny to me that my phone autocorrects Brissett to brisket, no matter how many times I type it. #lol
My toxic trait is that I keep sleeping with my window open because I love the cold but get mad when I wake up with my sinuses in absolute shambles.
You can see the mornin’, but I can see the light Try, try, try, let it ride While you’ve been out runnin’, I’ve been waitin’ half the night Try, try, try, let it ride
And would you cry if I told you that I lied And would you say goodbye, or would you let it ride? And would you cry if I told you that I lied And would you say goodbye, or would you let it ride?
Joe Murray runs his own show but has to do his own headlines too. That’s hardcore, man. Props to you brother.
Ethel is such a hot name.
“Three Kings” ran in one big theater. We had a one-night premiere screening of “Drive Me Crazy”. I was in HELL that night. We had “American Beauty” in one theater, “Random Hearts” in one theater & opened “Fight Club” in one of our big theaters. We had to swap “Random Hearts.”
The Texans could have showed up wearing their lettermen jackets and still won.
They’re not even gonna try to fix the Trop with clear plastic sheeting and a whole mess of Flex Seal?
Honk if you remember Baby Jessica.
SF49’ers sign a kicker who could play against the Chiefs on Sunday after his missed playoff kick in January was a reason they played the Chiefs in Super Bowl LVIII.
A Hockey Club sandwich would hit the spot right now.
Peter King says Lamar Jackson calls him “Mr. Peter”. I don’t think that’s the token of respect Fatty thinks it is.
Bruins fandom needs more Laurens.
It would be fun if, when a baseball team fires six coaches, they would be required to file a five-page report on each firing, explaining in detail what it was that that coach did wrong.
If you aren’t sure what a phrase means, maybe hold off on using it.
Best bet for the weekend: Pats depart Wembley as winners.
It’s like Rodgers is the GM!
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Takitaki!
BdlG. So Fall-coded. She had a birthday this week too. Or will have one. So mysterious!
Too many, too soon, no more Super Sky Points please!
It’s okay, Pete Rose only bet on himself to make 84.
Like two minutes into his first game and I’m already sick of all the Bruins skirts calling Zadorov, “Zaddy.”
WHO WANTS TO FAWCETT MUTOMBO!?
Jerod Mayo doesn’t have a plan, “Eliot and I” have a plan. That rat fuck mentions “Elliot” more than E.T.
For what it’s worth, I hoped that the Red Sox won Game 162 if only so Joe Castiglione can call a win in his final game. Call me sentimental, but that matters more to me than a draft pick.
Those 30 million Pete Rose-signed baseballs just went up $.03 in value.
Have to wonder if Chris Sale’s psychosomatic back spasms are a result of guilt surfacing from his subconscious about how much money he’s stolen.
Cakes are cooking for Dick Barnett, Don McLean, Skip Konte, Avery Brooks, Donna Karan, Annie Liebovitz, Michael Rutherford, Bill Elliott, Sting, Lorraine Bracco, Philip Oakey, Gordie Roberts, Glenn Anderson, Mark Rypien, Sheila Echols, Floyd “Bud” Gaugh, Eddie Guardado, Kelly Ripa, Tiffany, Aaron McKie, Lene Nystrøm, Paul Teutul Jr, Tyson Chandler, Phil Kessel, Ricky Stenhouse Jr, and Brittany Howard.
This postseason, MLB should replace John Smoltz with Tom Hardy doing the Bane voice for one inning and *not* explain it at all, just having him call the game straight up.
I still have no fucking clue what Dirty Water TV actually is. But I love that they only hire shameless whores.
AHL jobbers taking runs at real NHL players in fake games. Smdh.
Notice that a hurricane never *moves* toward land, or *races* toward land; they always *barrel.* Not sure how that became the go-to word.
Green Line Update: Shuttle buses will continue to replace service today between North Station and Medford/Tufts & Union Sq. Union Sq. riders can use bus routes 86, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line.
With all the love shown to Joe Castiglione this year, you’d think WEEI’s ratings would be better than they are.
Joey Slye could be your kicker for the next 10 years…
Hey gang of useless Hufflepuffs, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Wands up tonight my fellow Potterheads.”
RC-celeb, people glom on to anything for a shred of notoriety. Radio call-in guest has to be lower than starring in an anal warts cream commercial.
Hard to believe Wakey has been gone a year now.
Orange Line: Trains may travel at reduced speeds or stand by at stations while maintenance personnel conduct track inspections near Haymarket.
Does anyone know how old Alabama WR Ryan Williams is?
Shohei this year might be a Level-1 MVP season, whereas Dick Groat in 1960 or Jim Konstanty in 1950 are like. ..well, they had to give the award to somebody, I guess. Level 10 MVPs.
Everyone hated ESPN’s Christian Yelich in-game interview.
Every time I see bicyclists while driving now, I think of Johnny and Matthew Gaudreau. They should still be here.
Wait, actors have imposter syndrome? Isn’t that their job?
NESN ‘borrowed’ the MSG feed to honor Sam Rosen who has been calling games since 1984 and is retiring at the end of the season you clueless slob. At least that what I heard!
In a couple of days we should learn how much his injury settlement lowered Armon Watts’ cap number of $2,169,765.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia has big shoes to fill in taking over for Jeff Trundy as manager of the Falmouth Commodores in the Cape Cod Baseball League next summer.
No, you give me $5!
Dame Maggie Smith, RIP. Always thought she was the Penguin in The Blues Brothers but that was Kathleen Freeman.
Dirty Water TV is like the early ‘90’s Simpsons writers’ room for braindead whores.
Jerod Mayo says it is “definitely under consideration” that RB Antonio Gibson starts over Rhamondre Stevenson on Sunday after Stevenson has fumbled in each of the first four games.
Seventy-three men sailed up From the San Francisco Bay. Rolled off of their ship, and here’s what they had to say; “We’re callin’ everyone to ride along to another shore. We can laugh our lives away and be free once more.”
But no one heard them callin’ No one came at all. ‘Cause they were too busy watchin’ those old raindrops fall. As a storm was blowin’ out on the peaceful sea, Seventy-three men sailing off to history
Ride, captain ride upon your mystery ship. Be amazed at the friends you have here on your trip. Ride captain ride upon your mystery ship. On your way to a world that others might have missed.
I was blessed to see Addams Family Values on tv. Raul Julia was a master actor. I miss him so much.
Castiglione has been a leading Clemens propagandist for decades.
I can’t believe they went to a mini pride rally and a WNBA Playoff game broke out!
Every white dude ends up looking like a lesbian eventually.
ESPN keeping Kendrick Perkins over Zach Lowe might be worse than when the Sixers kept Tobias Harris over Jimmy Butler.
Honk if you remember Steve Sabol.
Can October be scripted? It’s tempting to say yes, but I say no.
Had a dream last night that DeVonta Smith was on the New England Patriots. No idea what year it was.
Jerry Tarkanian must be spinning in his grave seeing UNLV failing to pay players.
“At least Rashee Rice went out doing what he loved. Ending a drive with a horrible collision and immediately leaving the scene.” -Brandon Carney
Does Boston College play John Ashcroft’s ‘Let the Eagle Soar’ after football games? Well they should.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reminds me of baseball. There were the awful kids who were there for the wrong reasons, and there was Charlie, who just loved candy. Maybe it’s childish, but baseball needs owners who are Charlie’s, not Veruca Salt’s & Mike TeaVee’s.
Is ‘Center’ an important position in football? Because it sounds important.
Red sox may or may not increase payroll, may or may not increase ticket prices, may or may not miss the playoffs again next season. Super. Good press conference.
A happy Rosh Hashanah to all my friends who celebrate.
Spike Lee pretend to be a Liberty fan now?
Best bet for the weekend: Pats going to get their teeth kicked in by a man named ‘Snoop’.
Less than ideal.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Come And Get Your Love.
October Fundraising Drive – If you have been a loyal reader of the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns, thank you. Or maybe you are taking Football Cat’s betting advice? Or perhaps you enjoyed the 2024 Local Mediot Tournament, or the ones previous, or the articles investigating our local sports media, or the Twitter hijinks of the local collaborative, if so, please consider making a one-time donation. Site registration isn’t free and comes due mid-month. Or in the alternative visit our The15 Genuine Merchandise page and buy a shirt or a mug? Up to you. Thanks for reading.
Any time you can needlessly accelerate your coaching succession plan by two years you have to do it.
The best NFL broadcasts come from the website where I buy $3 knockoff USB chargers that may or may not catch fire.
Anyone who used “Woj Bomb” unironically is an asshole.
I’ve thought about starting my day watching the Vince McMahon documentary. But not sure I have it in me this early.
It’s not a rivalry if the same side keeps winning!.
Is it me or is there a ton of injuries already this NFL season?
Major Red Sox uniform news: The Red Sox will unveil a City Connect 2.0 uniform in 2025 and will no longer wear their blue alternate jerseys. Given the popularity of the yellow uniforms, they have elected to keep it as a core uniform offering for the foreseeable future.
Cakes are cooking for Michael Douglas, Gil Morgan, Cheryl Tiegs, Anson Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Burleigh Drummond, Mark Hamill, Bob McAdoo, Jimmy Garvin, Jamie Hyneman, Michael Madsen, Scottie Pippen, Will Smith, Catherine Zeta-Jones, David Weathers, Dean Ween, Doug Pelfrey, John Lynch, Bridgette Wilson, Matt Hasselbeck, Chauncey Billups, Rocco Baldelli, Jason Bergmann, Van Hansis, and Cade Cunningham.
What does it say about Emerald Square that a herd of bulls at a carnival there couldn’t get out of the place fast enough?
‘Mirror in the Slideshow ‘ sounds like a Taylor Swift album title.
Tatum gets shit on for everything he does but tattooing a picture of yourself onto your back is wild.
One cheer for the 2024 Red Sox for refusing to quit now despite having previously quit a whole bunch of times.
On Saturday, September 28 only, Red Line Braintree Branch diversion will be expanded to include Ashmont Branch. This allows crews to take advantage of construction equipment in the area to remove a speed restriction on Ashmont Branch.
Should I invest in one entity that historically has never lost money or should I invest in the other entity that has rehab programs akin to alcoholism and drug abuse?
Looks like Mercury Morris’s perfect record of being alive is finally over.
Local 26 Hotel Workers putting on a good display outside the Omni Hotel the last couple days. They’ve had people holding the line overnight. Love a good picket line.
Oh no, Old Friend Trent Brown strained his left fat.
Minority position, I know, but Tanner Houck needs a pitch count like a turtle needs a microphone. In the last two years he has been taken out of countless games when he was pitching great. What he needs is a manager who will tell him “Keep pitching; you’re doing great.”
I’m sorry, Jey Uso is popular, but he isn’t Jeff Hardy popular.
“Wheel of Fortune” puzzles went from ‘Alice In Wonderland’ to ‘Say homes, how’s it hangin’, bruh?’.
You’re right, Bill Belichick sucks. Let the fat fucking deli loser handle things.
Bulletin, Bulletin, Bulletin!!! The semi-functional Shohei Ohtani is piling on. He now is 6/6 with 3 HR, 2 SB and 10 RBI. We’re not worthy.
Hey gang of the marginally employed, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, ‘Settle down, you fat retard, and go get Adam Jones his Ensure.”
I’m following Depeche Mode on Twittah. Not sure when that happened.
Darnold appears to have escaped an initial injury scare. Massive collective sigh of relief from the 612.
Reiss is only 5’2″–are we sure he can carry that much water?
Fun fact: Today has exactly 12 hours of daylight.
Make a wish baby Well and I will make it come true Make a list baby Of the things I’ll do for you Ain’t no risk now In lettin’ my love rain down on you So we could wash away the past So that we may start anew…
O’Brien and Youk talking endlessly about hot dogs? Make it stop.
Jrue might also have a tattoo of himself on his back. But how would we know?
Honk if you remember Miss Jean.
Dickie V has so much radiation in him they should call him Chernobyl.
Those Emerald Square bulls were five years too late to ransack the Skycrepers kitchen.
THE BUTCHIE isn’t real and cannot hurt you.
Have we lost perspective on what torn cartilage in your rib cage must feel like?
With the loss of the Athletics, there will be even less there there in Oakland as there was previous.
News Item: Brad Marchand has shed his red noncontact jersey for Bruins practice.
The Padres are the first team in MLB history to turn a triple play to end a game on the day they clinched a postseason berth. Only in baseball, Danny.
Rescue: Hi Surf cancelled yet?
Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox do not win eight in a row and get right back in it.
“So, uh, how bout those bulls in ah, North Attleboro? Didja see that? That chain link fence was more porous, no, er, it was less effective in stopping, erk, them than the Patriots O-Line! Ha. Speaking of steers, try the teriyaki beef skewers. My son is a Marine.“
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Pick Up The Pieces.
Yeah, I know. Even the clamdicappers were laughing at how terrible my picks were last week. I probably would have told you the Pats were going to cover the spread versus the Planes Thursday. What can I say? It was a very tough week to be a cat. Plus, I only got 19 hours of sleep the day before. On to this week…
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME Giants at Browns (-6.5) If YOU think some Giants are going to waltz into Elf Land and come away victorious, then I’ve got some magic beans to sell you.
Bears at Colts (-1.5) Colts clobber Caleb.
Alliteration! Awesome!
Texans (-2) at Vikings Sam Darnold will be seeing ghosts and stars after this one.
Eagles at Saints (-2.5) American birds can’t win on American soil. They should keep flying South.
Chargers at Steelers (-1.5) One Har-bro can beat all your Primanti Bros put together.
French fries and cole slaw INSIDE the sandwich!?!
Broncos at Buccaneers (-6.5) Fun fact: Bo Nix has the shortest full first and last name combo in NFL history. Hopefully that will assuage his grief after yet another loss.
Packers at Titans (-2.5) Pack men gobble up tits.
SUNDAY DINNERTIME Panthers at Raiders (-5) Black cats ride the Red Rocket to victory!
firework noises!
Dolphins at Seahawks (-4.5) Fake Sea Birds drop Coach Drip’s Dolphins.
Lions (-3) at Cardinals Jungle Kings don’t even both trying to find the pretty Red Birds kneecaps, they just devour them whole. A little shakin’, a little tenderizin’ and down they go.
Ravens (-1) at Cowboys Scary Black Birds open a can of whoop ass at Jerry’s World.
49ers (-6.5) at Rams Brock Purrrrdy continues to make everyone forget about the worst trade in NFL history.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME Chiefs (-3) at Falcons Every fan in attendance gets two bags of chips, two hot dogs and unlimited drink refills. Which is good because they aren’t getting a win.
MONDAY PRE-PROWLTIME Jaguars at Bills (-5) Someone needs to ask Trevor who he is tanking for.
WHO ARE YOU TANKING FOR???
MONDAY PROWLTIME ACTUAL
Commanders at Bengals (-7.5)
Stripey cats get off the schneid on their own schedule, very feline of them.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The BBQ Sundae at the Big E was too much even for me.
America loves a good story, fraught with adversity and culminating with redemption. Rising above the obstacles to accomplish something greater and to etch yourself in history for eternity. Redemption used to be the most illuminating part of an illustrious career. Bill Russell in 1968, Magic Johnson in 1985, LeBron in 2012. Athletes soaring to new heights after falling to their lowest point. The old veteran regaining his past glory. The face of the franchise haunted by humiliation comes back to put his demons to bed. The villain cutting through the chorus of boos to achieve what’s eluded him. What follows these moments of triumph is a reckoning from the detractors. A begrudging respect is formed, then admiration that drowns the voices of the past. Any remaining dissenters calling Magic Johnson “Tragic” or LeBron James a choke artist are, like Hiroo Onoda, hiding in the woods fighting a battle that long ago was loss.
Today it is considered incidental whether the script gets flipped. What was written will remain. In an era where you have superstars in various small markets, the allure of bigger markets is dimmer, yet you’ll find more animus for them rather than admiration. What is worse? To be hated or viewed with apathy? The Denver Nuggets won the title, the most team centric championship since the 1977 Portland Trail Blazers. Nikola Jokic dismantled Kevin Durant and LeBron with startling ease, playing like a 6’10 Larry Bird, acting as the fulcrum for a watch making sure all the pieces inside mesh together in perfect harmony. We used to celebrate pureness in basketball, promote team-friendly organizations that did not have the superstar who needed every little thing catered to them. But instead, they were treated with apathy and the immediate demand they’d do it again. Denver fans could only seek validation in their small, niche communities while outsiders glorified the opponents they slain.
A year later the narrative shifted away from anointing the team they collectively yawned at when they won the first time and searched high and low for a team to crown anyone but the league’s best. Players went through the superstar car wash, long exposés, and podcast segments dedicated to Anthony Edwards as if it was possible for a team to win the title when their best player is 22. The building up of stars only to tear them down and by the time they do climb the mountain all you remember is the negative moments.
(The only champion not subjected to this cruelty is the Kansas City Chiefs. Who, unlike their New England Patriots dynastic counterparts never face media scrutiny or fan fatigue. Just last month Patrick Mahomes threw a behind the back pass in a preseason game that awed fans. The Chiefs are lionized, their opponents serving as mere fodder and built up solely to heighten their sacrifice for the glory of the one true franchise.)
In the Era of The Hater, they must pick one or two instances where they do not hate to maximize the effect of hating while online. To contrast and compare, to trigger fans by demanding their favorite reach expectations one cannot possibility reach. Mahomes and LeBron are the gold standard and anyone else is mincemeat. Even as the NBA moves away from the LeBron era into one defined by parity it is still a stretch for many to accept many players have passed near 40-year-old superstar. To say you prefer a 26-year-old Jayson Tatum who plays every game, fresh off 3 straight First-Team All-NBAs and just won the title is considered asinine.
Good for you, Andrew.
We are in an era where the past effectively never dies and to even entertain a fresh new face could take over for an old one many take as a personal affront. The idea there is a future beyond the present, that a main player from our lives is somewhat replaceable is something this generation never had to face. There are no more movie stars, but brands. Brands last forever.
When you’re LeBron you’re not just a famous athlete like Dr. J or Magic or Bird. You’re a brand. No different from Microsoft, or Disney.The modern stars in basketball today will never come close to attaining this status and for that they’ll suffer. Generations of fans grew up idolizing Michael Jordan and thanks to the internet never have to let go. LeBron fans can continuously relive the glory days, have plenty of material to keep them sedated whenever the end does come, and will use him as a cudgel against players for at least fifty years.
One of the crowning moments of LeBron’s career was winning his first championship. Coming off the heels of The Decision and the 2011 season, in a gentler time the notion of a small market superstar leaving to join a bigger market to play with his best friends revolted us. Then he went to the Olympics, played on the greatest U.S basketball team and led them to the Gold as their best player. The summer of 2012 was the Summer of LeBron! Glowing headline after glowing headline. Segments not highlighting his failures, only lauding his accomplishments with promises of more to come.
Fast forward twelve years later and it’s become apparent fans and media aren’t geared to treat someone as a champion when they won one. Tatum’s career is one long story defined by overachieving when you consider the circumstances he was in. Rookie season, playing on a team missing two max salary players heading into the playoffs, out-dueled Giannis Antetokounmpo and Joel Embiid. Then went toe-to-toe with LeBron in a seven-game set. Yet, all the buzz was around LeBron and for a brief moment it seemed Boston would win everyone collectively shrugged. It’s just not the NBA Finals if LeBron isn’t in it. Tatum was viewed as a casualty, not as an up and comer.
Then 2019 is a disaster, the deck is reshuffled and he’s recast from main player to bit role. 2020 in a year where the Celtics lost Kyrie Irving and Al Horford in free agency, Tatum cobbled together his first All-NBA season and brought a Celtics team with Gordon Hayward on one leg, Kemba Walker on no legs, and his centers are Daniel Theis and Enes Kanter to within two-games of crashing the finals.
Skip ahead two years later he goes on his best individual stretch from January to finish the 2022 campaign, out duels Kevin Durant, Giannis (again), gets revenge on Miami, but runs out of gas in the finals versus Golden State. The takeaway was “they’ll never make it back” and labeled as choke artist for not beating a dynasty when no one picked Boston over them.
After all the narratives, negative headlines and braindead tweets, the Celtics have finally obtained what can’t be taken away from them… and it feels like it’s being taken away from them? How? More importantly, why? Why aren’t can’t we celebrate a championship team with a fresh, young face anymore? We did it with Giannis in 2021 and have looked the other way as he hasn’t even reached round three since. Hater culture can forgive that, but not Tatum making five conference finals in seven seasons? Both won a title. You can say both relied on their co-star (which isn’t an insult), yet we memory hole how awesome Khris Middleton was in the 2021 playoffs, and found some way to both lionize Jaylen Brown’s 2024 while not giving him any credit either.
Tatum outplayed who is largely seen as the third best player in the world in Luka Doncic, then went to the Olympics and won his second gold medal and comes back to the States ridiculed? This can read like sour grapes, but I’m more befuddled than I am annoyed. “He’s only the SIXTH best player in the league!” is a real insult I’ve seen thrown around. What is used as insults and just accepted as valid criticisms is asinine to imagine as discourse ten-years ago.
It’s likely the Celtics won’t repeat as champions, as it’s difficult to have everything go right for you in a sport where if one thing goes wrong your season is effectively over. The 2024 Celtics are anomalous in that regard, as they loss Kristaps Porzingis on two occasions and still ended up winning the title. No team before them won a title without their third best player. Yet, that’s never mentioned as a feather in Tatum’s cap. The injuries other teams suffered only matter.
If by this time next year, the Celtics have secured Banner 19, it’ll be the most impressive repeat by a champion team ever. For now, the most dominant repeat championship team is arguably the 2001 Lakers. But that era of the NBA was weak. It’s just that team was too good to properly use the shallow talent pool as a way to nick them. But for teams to repeat when the talent pool was deep, the 1988 Lakers and 1992 Bulls sit on top. But the hypothetical 2025 Celtics wouldn’t be that far behind. And even if that happens, on top of Tatum making a fourth consecutive First Team All-NBA, wins the championship and the series MVP, the hating will continue because we are now married to our takes more than ever.
I bet the haters hate this.
Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcast. He does notlive in North Haverbrook.
“You don’t leak to Van Natta about me; I leak to Van Natta about YOU!”
But did it feeeel like a win? Not so sure.
Tyreek Hill’s ongoing audition for a future season of ‘American Sports Story’ is going great.
You know it’s a big game when you hear the smooth sound of Noah Eagle.
I envy how comfortable Steve Perrault always looks.
The Hall could probably be persuaded to put Robert in if he’d end his rhetoric.
I can’t believe Clay Travis hired the Super 70’s Sports guy. Ok, I can.
People say there aren’t enough black baseball players anymore. They’re all on the TBS pregame show.
I’d like the captains patches more if they were the colors of the team. Why the same colors for all NFL teams? Patriots should be blue, red, silver, white…no yellow.
Is the Boston PWHL team named Fleet because of the building contractors?
Cakes are cooking for Brian DePalma, Lola Falana, Mickey Hart, Amy Madigan, Tommy Shaw, Jeff Sluman, Don Slaught, Scott Patterson, Robert Wren, Elizabeth Daily, Virginia Madsen, Kristy McNichol, Ellis Burks, Victor Wooten, Graeme Obree, Moby, Harry Connick, Jr, Maria Bartiromo, Taraji P. Henson, Mack Strong, Richard Ashcroft, Shelton Quarles, Jon Buckland, Ludacris, Ed Reed, Jacoby Ellsbury, Elizabeth Henstridge, and Tyler Hoechlin.
Diana Ross – Upside Down >> all the songs that sampled it.
Just remember, if Mayo turns out to be a good coach it’s because Robert Kraft saw something in him. If he turns out to be a bad coach, look to the coaching tree.
Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.
I must hear something described as “the elephant in the room” twice a week. That’s 100 elephants in the room. How many elephants can you really fit in a room do you think?
Getting a microphone tattoo is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. Might as well wear a shirt that says, “ask me about being in sports.”
Hey gang with a benevolence association, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “redirected to the ground.”
The only snakes I know of are those of Set and his cursed towers. Their evil has spread to every city. Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult, now…RIP James Earl Jones.
Agency news: KLUTCH Sports Group has acquired Ballengee Football, adding its agents including Rick Roberts, Martin Fischman and Don Weatherall and 20+ clients including Malik Nabers, Patrick Queen and Travis Etienne, to their emerging roster. This move follows the acquisitions of ROOF and Rep 1 Baseball earlier this year.
I’m home today playing Borderlands and I have to wonder…do the Vault Hunters have a Union?
Football isn’t my favorite sport but man, it really is the best-looking game on TV.
Weird fences make weird neighbors.
Why can’t Dave Grohl go the Shank route and pretend it never happened? Is it because people have a hard time believing two different women would go to bed with the CHB willingly?
In the timbers of Fennario, The wolves are runnin’ ’round. The winter was so hard and cold, Froze ten feet ‘neath the ground.
Don’t murder me. I beg of you, don’t murder me. Please, don’t murder me.
I sat down to my supper. ‘Twas a bottle of red whisky. I said my prayers and went to bed. That’s the last they saw of me.
Since 1962 the Dodgers have won six NL MVP Awards. The New York Mets have won none. I’m kind of thinking maybe this should be the year?
Lucy Wrights, just winging it. ‘One Take Lucy’, they call her.
The frozen breakfast sandwich people must be in cahoots with the paper towel manufacturers.
The Red Sox are making a mockery of George Herman Fruith’s career!
The Echoes slept through their wake up call in South Bend.
Sarah Spain thinks Van Morrison was writing about b-holes in 1967?
I ain’t calling some other dude Swagu.
YouTube Belichick is great. But it raises the question, what did they do with the other half of Matt Patricia? Deep dive conversational format is actually what I think Brady would be better suited for than color analyst.
Honk if you remember Rod Rust’s hapless Patriots squad.
Man, both sides. Amirite?
YOU fell for the Al Horford retirement announcement hoax! You did! You did!
PSA: the new linkin park clips don’t sound weird because of her singing, they sound weird because all the songs are in new (higher) keys. For sure a factor that should have been considered, but I think she sounds pretty good and now a bunch of young fans get to see them
WooSox manager Chad Tracy said that Mickey Gasper tweaked his back packing up his things after being optioned from Boston back to Worcester.
Won’t someone please think about the Sports Hub producers who were heartlessly let go? No? Okay.
John Tomase. Writing about the Patriots. NBCS Boston doesn’t get nearly the hate they should.
Red Sox refuse to die. But also refuse to put together a winning streak.
Best bet for the weekend: Trust falls in Foxboro before the breakout session.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Miserable Fellow and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Kind of a drag.
And happy birthday to local gal done good singer/songwriter Kay Hanley.
Foxborough, MA – In a month where the New England Patriots have made headlines with roster shuffles and preseason preparations, one figure has remained a constant in the eyes of the team and its fans: Jerod Mayo. The former linebacker turned coach continues to evolve into a leadership role that many now believe is poised to become more than just defensive coordination — it’s a head coach in waiting. It’s no secret that Bill Belichick has long been grooming Mayo for greater things. Patriots media releases this past month have emphasized Mayo’s involvement not only in defensive schematics but in shaping the entire team’s culture. More than once, Belichick has praised his former Pro Bowler’s football acumen, referring to him as “one of the sharpest minds” to come through the Patriots’ system. But what’s been equally telling is the way Mayo carries himself in the locker room, stepping into a role that goes beyond X’s and O’s.
A Natural Leader
Patriots fans remember Mayo for his tenacity on the field, his ability to dissect offenses as if he were already coaching. Now, as a coach, his instincts are proving even more valuable. Media releases over the past month have highlighted Mayo’s increasing presence during practice, not just with the defense but across the entire roster. In one report, Mayo was seen working closely with young quarterbacks, helping them understand defensive coverages, showing his breadth of knowledge on both sides of the ball. This is where Mayo’s leadership shines. He’s not just building a defense — he’s building a football team. And that’s exactly what this Patriots squad needs in a season filled with question marks. At 37, Mayo is still relatively young by coaching standards, but his command of the locker room is undeniable. According to sources close to the team, players gravitate toward him in a way that reflects both respect and admiration. He’s part strategist, part motivator, and entirely a team-first guy.
The Belichick Blueprint
What makes Mayo’s rise so exciting for Patriots fans is the undeniable parallels to his mentor, Bill Belichick. Like Belichick, Mayo has a meticulous approach to the game. He’s known for breaking down film until the early hours of the morning, and it shows on the practice field. In the latest media release, Patriots personnel commented on how Mayo has taken on more responsibilities, particularly in developing game plans and overseeing all three phases of the game — not just the defense. The Belichick coaching tree is extensive, but few have had the opportunity to learn directly under the greatest coach of all time while playing and coaching. It’s this dual experience that separates Mayo. The Patriots are known for cultivating homegrown talent, and in many ways, Mayo is the epitome of that philosophy.
Subtle.
What’s Next?
So, what does the future hold for Jerod Mayo? It’s not a stretch to say that many around the league view him as a head coach in waiting. With Belichick’s career winding down, Mayo has increasingly become the face of the future in New England. And if the Patriots’ latest media releases are any indication, it’s a future that’s bright. In one interview last week, when asked about his ambitions, Mayo was predictably modest: “I’m just focused on helping this team win games.” But ask anyone in the Patriots organization, and they’ll tell you Mayo’s impact is already evident — and it’s just the beginning.
North Star!
Note: Old Friend ‘Uncle Gizmo’ took a cue from the latest Entitled Town podcast. He input into ChatGPT: “I’d like to create a story in the current style of Albert Breer. It would be a glowing story about New England Patriots coach Jerod Mayo and would use as it’s base Patriots media releases for the last month.” The result is what you see above.
The 15 