Welcome to the first ever Summertime Sour Sixteen! If you like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, or more importantly if you don’t like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, then this is the competition for you! We’ve got six podcasters, seven current or former members of Red Sox radio/TV broadcasts, two crusty old newspaper men and one weepy grifter. (Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)
Region B 1 Dave O’Brien vs 4 Steve Perrault O’Brien wasn’t bad on radio play-by-play. However, he is so bad on TV that he actually makes people long for the days of Don Orsillo. Now that’s bad. Perrault is just one of the Carrabis’s many forgettable goofball sidekicks. O’Brien walks it off.
2 Chad Finn vs 3 Rob Bradford Hairy vag faced Bradfo will smother Wax Pack Chad under a pile of wrinkled t-shirts.
Chad should have stayed in the safety of internet free Mid-coast Maine
Region V (aka The Section 10 free region) 1 Gabby Starr vs 4 Justin MLB Here’s a tip for any of you looking to participate in next year’s Mini-Tourney. Put “MLB” in your twitter handle, it will set you apart from your average run of the mill baseball fans named Justin. Gabz won’t even need to come back from one of her many in-season vacations to dispatch Mr. Gonzalez.
2 Tom Caron vs 6 Hogdale The Hogriders came out in force and pushed their hero into Round 2. They may have misunderstood the assignment though. How could anyone not appreciate the passion that Grant Huckvale brings to the role of “Hogdale”? It’s always a tour de force performance. Grant is matched up with milquetoast Tom Caron. No matter how many hair plugs Caron gets, it will never be enough to mask his Megamind Forehead. Dr. Tom Leonard’s least successful client moves on.
His comb over is much more lustrous now
Region N 1 Jared Carrabis vs 4 Coley Mick Jared Carrabis is a better more knowledgeable fan than YOU. Sorry, just deal with it losers. “Coley Mick” is a lace curtain Irish dunce. “Car Rubbish”® will mash that bloated spud in the Section 10 showdown.
2 Tony Massarotti vs 3 Will Fleming It seems unfair to have the March Sadness runner up in the Midsummer Mini-Tourney, but that’s baseball. Maybe if Will Fleming starts speaking Spanish, Tony will run away and hide. Unfortunately the only Spanish Mazz will hear from Fleming is “No Más“.
Region T 1 Pete Abraham vs 4 Tyler Milikin This match up should be introduced by Dale Dorman as part of the Creature Double Feature. Sentient garden gnome (Abraham) takes on an obese two legged centaur (Milikin). The winner may depend on what country you live in.
Avert your eyes… they’re both hideous!
2 Tyler Broadman vs 3 Mike McCarthy Is Mike McCarthy the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who figured out you can lose weight by eating salads, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus with horrible teeth, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who couldn’t successfully book flights for his honeymoon or is he McBone? It’s hard to keep track of all these wacky call screeners. Tyler Broadman may turn out to be a decent play-by-play man once he completes puberty, but his fake radio voice and Connecticut School of Broadcasting cadence make me want to ram my score keeping pencil in my ears. This a tough one, but McCarthy squeezes by.
Wilyer Abreu hitting a three-run homer literally with tears in his eyes after the death of a family member would seem like one of the better baseball stories of the year.
If the IOC wants a foolproof sex test, have those two suspect boxers try and load a dishwasher.
A report late Tuesday said the Patriots are no longer in the picture when it comes to wide receiver Brandon Aiyuk. After reportedly inquiring about his availability, New England decided not to explore trade possibilities involving the pass catcher.
“Belichick stubbornly sticking to his value system” is now “Wolf wouldn’t get stupid with the money.” The tone of the coverage has completely changed. Have to give the team credit: The pizza parties were a fantastic investment.
Minutes after winning gymnastics’ most coveted title, Biles fastened on a white gold necklace and flashed a diamond-encrusted goat pendant toward the camera.
Dating back to 2003, I’ve been through like literally 6 cycles of producing content on the Internet and this is definitely one of the better ones, both just on a personal level and the overall quality of Internet content.
“He’s lacking urgency” the commentator says about the guys sprinting as fast as they can for 10 seconds.
Cakes are cooking for Rodney Crowell, Wayne Knight, Alberto Salazar, Bruce Dickinson, David Duchovny, Elizabeth Manley, Michael Shannon, Charlize Theron, Edgar Renteria, Dimitrios Eleftheropoulos, Samantha Ronson, Jamey Jasta, Sidney Crosby, Kyler Murray, and Jalen Hurts.
I always found Parmesan to be the most sensual of the hard granular cheeses.
Why do French people only have one egg for breakfast? Because it is “un oeuf”! Le chortle!
Green Line B Branch Reminder: Through August 11 – Shuttle buses replace service between Boston College and Babcock Street for track work. Shuttles will not service Allston St, Griggs St and Packard’s Corner due to accessibility issues.
I’m tired of seeing Snoop Dogg. There: I said it.
Worcester’s Own rankings: Stephen Nedoroscik > Eddie Mekka > Tanyon Sturtze.
Who was my first Attitude Era crush? Daffney. She was pretty, but it was more. Her personality just shot through the TV. I’m so beyond happy I was able to interact with her a few times.
Aerosmith. Arguably the greatest American rock & roll band. They will be missed.
Hey gang of hold-in’s, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I said when was aren’t in pads but besides me staying hours on hours to sign and throw the ball around with the fan how about y’all come talk to me.”
Silver Medal PtP goes to, “Who the fuck is Harry Frazee?”
My favorite Lucy Burdge bit on Twitter is where she pretends to like food.
I think I could medal in badminton.
Hey, Liberty Mutual, why is your company gouging the citizens of Massachusetts?
Since they were in town, I feel like I have to say this….im totally not into Metallica. Never cared for them….sorry if i have offended anyone.
“Steamer” is one helluva word. Laugh everytime I see it. – Idiot Zo.
We are living in the absolute hardest era of public restroom handwashing. Desperate handwaving at nothingness, like a wizard that lost their powers. Bathroom sinks and soap dispensers designed by Dark Souls developers.
Field hockey isn’t high scoring?
3v3 hoops is the gayest Olympics event and they have literal horse dancing.
In other baseball news, Biily Bean died, but not the one who wrote ‘Moneyball.’ RIP.
Jake Andrews was placed on season ending IR because he has a torn meniscus. It is torn in several places, and he is set to have surgery, per source.
Top 10 all-time meniscus recoveries:
1 Steve Redding (3rd surgery)
2 Steve Redding (1st)
T3 Robert Williams III
T3 Steve Redding (5th)
5 Steve Redding (11th)
6 Steve Redding (2nd)
T7 Steve Redding (4th)
T7 Steve Redding (10th)
9 Steve Redding (7th)
10 Steve Redding (9th)
HC Mayo constantly seeking validation from the loathsome press corps is astounding, if not surprising.
And it’s a free for all in the parking lot, Tell me who’ll rule the street. And the night explodes when the cops bring down the heat. And the chains they crash like thunder, While the weak ones all retreat. Gotta draw first blood or they’ll read your funeral rights. When the lightning strikes.
Gold Medalist Gabby Thomas, from right here in mortgage-free Western Massachusetts. Lordy!
What kind of alphabet do the Polacks use? I don’t think I’ve ever seen an L with a line through it before.
Every time A Bar Song by Shaboozy comes on I think it’s Wonderwall by Oasis.
I personally don’t understand why tenpin bowling isn’t an Olympic sport. Nearly every country plays it, the pros come from all over the world, and it’s extremely inexpensive for a host country to have a venue in to play it – just use an existing, high-end bowling center in whatever city hosts it.
Honk if you still have cassette tapes in your media collection. Audio or video.
I bet Alex Cora has taken some practice swings at Triston Casas. In his mind.
Bill Weld wouldn’t jump into the Seine.
Hocker? Damn near killed the Norwegian and British runners!
If two guys named ‘Dave & Chuck The Freak’ were broadcasting in this market I think I would know about it.
the next American women’s sport super star should be Ashleigh Johnson if you love water polo.
Anybody else notice that the AI imitation of Al Michaels’ voice doesn’t actually sound like Al Michaels?
Nice of Eck to show up at his daughter’s hearing in the Granite State.
Do they make cowboy boots with big toe boxes? Asking for future Country 93.7 employee MegO.
Best bet for the weekend: huge savings during the sales tax holiday!
(leans slightly) “Greatest guy in the world”(didn’t lean)”never heard of him.”
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Kingasurusand the members of #the15 were used in this columnOh, blame it on midnight.Ooh, shame on the moon.
Et nous souhaitons un joyeux anniversaire à la mannequin française Aurélie Claudel.Ooh, and might I add, là là.
The biggest shocker in March Sadness history was Mike Kadlick taking down #1 seed Ted Johnson. Johnson was seen as a heavy favorite to take this year’s title, whereas Kadlick was viewed as either flotsam or jetsam, whichever is worse. Kadlick is complete dark horse. A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma.
Exactly who is Mike Kadlick? Let’s start with the basics, he is a Dedham High Graduate and can often be spotted at the Halfway Cafe. After high school, Mike matriculated at Worcester State University, graduating in 2019. While at WSU he was a quarterback on the football team. Opposing team’s scouting reports do not included any of the following words: fluid, hips, strong, arm, or good. During his senior year, he may have put up the most forgettable stat line at any level of college football: 49/115 (42.6%) 495 yards, 1 TD, 5 INT, 5 Sacks. Stats like that may look putrid, but they are still good enough to put Kadlick in the top 6 ex-athletes in local radio, behind Lifshatz, Meg-O, Wiggy, Fauria and Zolak.
After college he took a job writing at a fake media outlet, CLNS media, and now has moved on to write for a failing radio station, WEEI. The quality of his writing is equivalent to his quarterback play. He has a penchant to use lists as a crutch, he loves referencing and quoting other media outlet’s interviews, and includes way too many parenthetical stats. He writes worse than ChatGPT, but he probably works cheaper.. He has a pretty big Twitter following, over 11,000 pornbots. Certainly big enough to qualify him to appear on the “Bet with Josh Marion and Friends” podcast. I’m not a follower, but I did quickly glance through his timeline and it seems pretty benign. Mostly sports aggregation stuff, with a few normal shoepee comments from someone with dreams of working in the hot takez industry. Still nothing that can explain his stunning round 1 upset of Ted Johnson.
That left one last stone yet to be unturned. The “6 Rings Podcast”. Like most people, I have never listened to one second of this podcast. If you list “Fitzy” and “Jumbo” on the marquee of your podcast I’m avoiding it like the plague, but curiosity got the better of me and now I know why Kadlick is hated. His podcasts opinions are just a never-ending stream of contradictory nonsensical opinions, said with such conviction. The gist of it is “the Patriots have to make moves, and they better make the right moves, but you won’t be able to really tell in the short-term if these moves are the right moves, and they better make the moves mentioned in this podcast, which are obviously the right moves, unless they turn out not to be the right moves, but that is fine because speculation is what they have to do – ha, ha, ha, isn’t this funny.” Truly mind-numbing.
I don’t know if all these podcasts, are “live” shows on YouTube, but that seemed to be a big deal to Kadlick. He kept mentioning how many viewers they had, and to be fair, the numbers he quoted, over 5K, put Rich Keefe’s radio ratings to shame. I didn’t bother to check out the video version of the podcast, but I can’t imagine seeing the visage of Messrs. Hart, Stevens and Kadlick adds to the enjoyment. I recommend not listening to the podcast, but if you do, make sure it is at 1.75 speed – at least. That won’t improve the experience any, but it will get it over with quicker and save some of your brain cells.
Kadlick?
So who is Mike Kadlick? He’s just another in a long line of millennials who think they can turn their sports fandom into a career. In short, he is a loser, but in March Sadness losers become winners. On to today’s picks…
Region C: Kevin Paul Dupont (6) vs Rich Keefe (11) Rich Teeth will continue to get more votes than he has listeners and move on to the Sour Sixteen. Trenni Casey (7) vs Chris Gasper (2) This should be a close call. You can’t underestimate how much the voters hate Trenni, even changing her last name couldn’t fool them. Kid Gas, always the Bridesmaid never the bride, may not even make it to the wedding party this year. The year of unexpected upsets continues as Mrs. Casey advances.
Region V: Dan Shaughnessy (6) vs Fred Toucher (3) Expect Toucher to win and claim The Jack Kevorkian Memorial Cup. Mike McCarthy (10) vs Dan Lifshatz (2) Lifshatz’s bankrollz McCarthy, and waddles on.
Region N: Mike Kadlick (16) vs Mark Dondero (8) Kadlick’s Cinderella run continues as he dominates a flailing and gesticulating Dondero. Karen Guregian (5) vsGabby Starr (13) In today’s distaff contest, expect Gabs to win by a nose.
Region T: Tony Masserroti (1) vs Chris Curtis (9) A matchup of the two radio personalities recently suspended for casual racism last year. Mazz nips Curtis. Scott Zolak (4) vs Mark Daniels (5) It’s a “Sophie’s Choice” matchup for Jonathan Kraft. Daniels may have a pipeline to the front office, but Zolak ruins everything., The fireworks have been postponed again, Zo survives.
The 15 