Welcome to November! As a gift just for you, Football Cat is giving you an extra hour of sleep on Sunday. Just remember Football Cat’s internal clock is still on Daylight Saving time. Please be considerate to your cats.
Why haven’t I been fed yet?
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Cowboys at Falcons (-2.5) Birds beat Boys
Broncos at Ravens (-9.5) No post-Halloween hangover for the Scary Black Birds.
Halloween is over people
Dolphins at Bills (-6) Hairy Cows trample Tua
Saints (-7) at Panthers Black Cats get skinned on All Saints Day weekend
Raiders at Bengals (-7) Stripey Cats save their season
roar
Chargers (-2) at Browns Elven magic short circuits the Bolts
This would be a much better mascot than Brownie
Commanders (-3.5) at Giants Red wave drowns the G-men
Patriots at Titans (-3.5) Ass over Tits
As far as the state of New York is concerned, you are the “ASSMAN”
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Bears at Cardinals (-1) Not even two Hail Marys and three Our Fathers will beat the Bears this week.
Better get Pete McNulty on the phone.
Jaguars at Eagles (-7.5) American Birds poop on Spotty Cats
It’s s fun hat
Lions (-3.5) at Packers Jungle Kings devour Meat Men
The lower extremities are never on sale
Rams (-1.5) at Seahawks Rams steamroll Seattle
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Colts at Vikings (-5.5) Vikings rape and pillage poor Jumpball Joe.
Poor Joe
MONDAY PROWL TIME Buccaneers at Chiefs (-8.5) The march towards perfection continues.
TUESDAY ELECTION TIME Remember,when in doubt vote Football Cat. Vote early and vote often!
Welcome to the “Era of Good Felines”
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Foxborough, MA – The New England Patriots are on a perfectly executed path to future dominance at the quarter mark of the 2024 season, and anyone who doubts this could be missing the bigger picture. Despite their current 2-6 record, which is simply a minor blip on their trajectory, the Patriots have laid the foundation for what will surely be a return to glory in the coming years. Head coach Jerod Mayo has created a master plan that emphasizes long-term growth, and we are seeing the early stages of a renaissance!
First, let’s talk about the defense. Christian Gonzalez and Keion White are emerging as superstar talents. Gonzalez has been a shutdown corner, neutralizing some of the league’s top wide receivers, and White is already one of the best pass rushers in the NFL with four sacks in just four games, on par with elite defenders like Myles Garrett. It’s clear this defensive duo will lead the league for years to come.
Jerod The Inspiring is wearing The Pin. How can you do any less!?!
On offense, while some may criticize the passing game, the Patriots are playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. Rhamondre Stevenson is a beast, leading a ground attack ranked 12th in the league, averaging 127 rushing yards per game. Forget the fumbles; that’s just the universe throwing obstacles in the path to greatness. With time, Stevenson’s ball security will match his explosive playmaking ability, making him one of the most feared backs in the NFL. Yes, the offensive line has had some hiccups, but that’s just part of the Patriots’ master plan to build resilience. The team is rotating through linemen at a breakneck pace, preparing for a future where no other franchise will be able to match their depth and versatility.
Jerod is Smart. S-M-R-T.
As for the quarterback situation, Jacoby Brissett and Drake Maye are part of a visionary strategy designed to slowly but surely cultivate a future superstar. The Patriots aren’t concerned with short-term optics; they are focused on building a sustainable system that will once again make them perennial favorites in the AFC.
Mark it down—this team is on the brink of something special. Give them time, and they may soon reign over the AFC East again.
First the East, then the Conference, and then…who knows?
Note: Old Friend ‘Uncle Gizmo’ took a cue from a recent Entitled Town podcast. He input into ChatGPT: “I’d like to create a story in the current style of Albert Breer. It would be a glowing story about New England Patriots coach Jerod Mayo and would use as its base Patriots media releases for the last month.” The first result wasJerod Mayo: The Emerging Leader Patriots Fans Always Needed.You just read the follow-up, written after NFL Week 5.
“Right now, they’re teetering on a mutiny in that locker room.”
Yesterday, during the broadcast of the ‘Catch-22’ podcast on the Patriots Podcast Network, (a part of the actual ‘Patriots Media Cartel’) Senior Reporter Evan Lazar offered his assessment of the tenor of the team’s mental state:
Right now, they’re teetering on a mutiny in that locker room. And I don’t want to be alarmist or like hyper, what’s the word? (Co-host Alex Barth: “Hyperbolic?”) I don’t want to speak for, yeah, hyperbolic, thank you, I don’t but I was in that locker room after the game on Sunday; the defense is mad at the defense, the offense is mad at the offense, you have young receivers who are literally throwing tantrums on film in Pop Douglas and Ja’Lynn Polk, and good on Pop Douglas owning that this weekend and kind of saying he’s got to be better and all that kinda stuff but I said this before and I’ll say it again you’re at the point now with 52 other guys in that locker room that all watch these two quarterbacks practice every single day and all know that they drafted Drake Maye 3rd overall and at what point in time do some of these guys say to themselves, “Why am I going out there and getting my butt kicked every single Sunday and Drake can’t? Like what am I going out there with the quarterback who can’t get me the football when we have the Ferrari back in the garage that can get me the football but I’m supposed to, I’m Ja’Lynn Polk and I’m supposed to go run every single route as hard as I can and I’m supposed to lay it all out there?’
A leader of men. Learned the ropes on HMS Optum.
Not a difficult scene to picture for a team that had lost their previous three games after winning their season opener under rookie Head Coach Jerod Mayo. But then something odd occurred:
Earlier today @ezlazar reportedly said the Patriots are "teetering on a mutiny in that locker room.” I was watching the podcast looking for that part, paused it for a minute, and then got this: pic.twitter.com/k2MIbrrnKQ
When the podcast audio had been restored, any reference to ‘mutiny’ had been removed. This had the counterproductive effect of drawing attention to the podcast and the discontent in the locker room. A classic example of the Streisand Effect.
Nice house, Babs.
Audio is still up on Apple and Spotify. It’s from the 57:30 mark. They scrubbed out the part where Lazar called it a mutiny. Funny stuff. pic.twitter.com/AdBEqDTj1p
After this unfortunate gaffe, Evan was doubtless summoned to a meeting with the higher ups:
And after a brief yet productive struggle session, he cheerfully recanted any statements that could be seen as deleterious to the image of the Patriots organizations one big happy collaborative enterprise:
“I got carried away. There is no mutiny in the locker room. I am being treated well. I have been given a blanket. The Red Cross will visit me soon with letters from my family.”
“It’s a dang mutanty!”
I will let this summarize our position on the matter, and give IH the last word:
I am struggling to think of anything more damning than an organization worth ~$10B overreacting to an in-house employee's throwaway line on a podcast no one listens to by scrubbing the audio after it's been released just to create a larger problem.
“You don’t leak to Van Natta about me; I leak to Van Natta about YOU!”
But did it feeeel like a win? Not so sure.
Tyreek Hill’s ongoing audition for a future season of ‘American Sports Story’ is going great.
You know it’s a big game when you hear the smooth sound of Noah Eagle.
I envy how comfortable Steve Perrault always looks.
The Hall could probably be persuaded to put Robert in if he’d end his rhetoric.
I can’t believe Clay Travis hired the Super 70’s Sports guy. Ok, I can.
People say there aren’t enough black baseball players anymore. They’re all on the TBS pregame show.
I’d like the captains patches more if they were the colors of the team. Why the same colors for all NFL teams? Patriots should be blue, red, silver, white…no yellow.
Is the Boston PWHL team named Fleet because of the building contractors?
Cakes are cooking for Brian DePalma, Lola Falana, Mickey Hart, Amy Madigan, Tommy Shaw, Jeff Sluman, Don Slaught, Scott Patterson, Robert Wren, Elizabeth Daily, Virginia Madsen, Kristy McNichol, Ellis Burks, Victor Wooten, Graeme Obree, Moby, Harry Connick, Jr, Maria Bartiromo, Taraji P. Henson, Mack Strong, Richard Ashcroft, Shelton Quarles, Jon Buckland, Ludacris, Ed Reed, Jacoby Ellsbury, Elizabeth Henstridge, and Tyler Hoechlin.
Diana Ross – Upside Down >> all the songs that sampled it.
Just remember, if Mayo turns out to be a good coach it’s because Robert Kraft saw something in him. If he turns out to be a bad coach, look to the coaching tree.
Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.
I must hear something described as “the elephant in the room” twice a week. That’s 100 elephants in the room. How many elephants can you really fit in a room do you think?
Getting a microphone tattoo is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. Might as well wear a shirt that says, “ask me about being in sports.”
Hey gang with a benevolence association, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “redirected to the ground.”
The only snakes I know of are those of Set and his cursed towers. Their evil has spread to every city. Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult, now…RIP James Earl Jones.
Agency news: KLUTCH Sports Group has acquired Ballengee Football, adding its agents including Rick Roberts, Martin Fischman and Don Weatherall and 20+ clients including Malik Nabers, Patrick Queen and Travis Etienne, to their emerging roster. This move follows the acquisitions of ROOF and Rep 1 Baseball earlier this year.
I’m home today playing Borderlands and I have to wonder…do the Vault Hunters have a Union?
Football isn’t my favorite sport but man, it really is the best-looking game on TV.
Weird fences make weird neighbors.
Why can’t Dave Grohl go the Shank route and pretend it never happened? Is it because people have a hard time believing two different women would go to bed with the CHB willingly?
In the timbers of Fennario, The wolves are runnin’ ’round. The winter was so hard and cold, Froze ten feet ‘neath the ground.
Don’t murder me. I beg of you, don’t murder me. Please, don’t murder me.
I sat down to my supper. ‘Twas a bottle of red whisky. I said my prayers and went to bed. That’s the last they saw of me.
Since 1962 the Dodgers have won six NL MVP Awards. The New York Mets have won none. I’m kind of thinking maybe this should be the year?
Lucy Wrights, just winging it. ‘One Take Lucy’, they call her.
The frozen breakfast sandwich people must be in cahoots with the paper towel manufacturers.
The Red Sox are making a mockery of George Herman Fruith’s career!
The Echoes slept through their wake up call in South Bend.
Sarah Spain thinks Van Morrison was writing about b-holes in 1967?
I ain’t calling some other dude Swagu.
YouTube Belichick is great. But it raises the question, what did they do with the other half of Matt Patricia? Deep dive conversational format is actually what I think Brady would be better suited for than color analyst.
Honk if you remember Rod Rust’s hapless Patriots squad.
Man, both sides. Amirite?
YOU fell for the Al Horford retirement announcement hoax! You did! You did!
PSA: the new linkin park clips don’t sound weird because of her singing, they sound weird because all the songs are in new (higher) keys. For sure a factor that should have been considered, but I think she sounds pretty good and now a bunch of young fans get to see them
WooSox manager Chad Tracy said that Mickey Gasper tweaked his back packing up his things after being optioned from Boston back to Worcester.
Won’t someone please think about the Sports Hub producers who were heartlessly let go? No? Okay.
John Tomase. Writing about the Patriots. NBCS Boston doesn’t get nearly the hate they should.
Red Sox refuse to die. But also refuse to put together a winning streak.
Best bet for the weekend: Trust falls in Foxboro before the breakout session.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Miserable Fellow and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Kind of a drag.
And happy birthday to local gal done good singer/songwriter Kay Hanley.
Foxborough, MA – In a month where the New England Patriots have made headlines with roster shuffles and preseason preparations, one figure has remained a constant in the eyes of the team and its fans: Jerod Mayo. The former linebacker turned coach continues to evolve into a leadership role that many now believe is poised to become more than just defensive coordination — it’s a head coach in waiting. It’s no secret that Bill Belichick has long been grooming Mayo for greater things. Patriots media releases this past month have emphasized Mayo’s involvement not only in defensive schematics but in shaping the entire team’s culture. More than once, Belichick has praised his former Pro Bowler’s football acumen, referring to him as “one of the sharpest minds” to come through the Patriots’ system. But what’s been equally telling is the way Mayo carries himself in the locker room, stepping into a role that goes beyond X’s and O’s.
A Natural Leader
Patriots fans remember Mayo for his tenacity on the field, his ability to dissect offenses as if he were already coaching. Now, as a coach, his instincts are proving even more valuable. Media releases over the past month have highlighted Mayo’s increasing presence during practice, not just with the defense but across the entire roster. In one report, Mayo was seen working closely with young quarterbacks, helping them understand defensive coverages, showing his breadth of knowledge on both sides of the ball. This is where Mayo’s leadership shines. He’s not just building a defense — he’s building a football team. And that’s exactly what this Patriots squad needs in a season filled with question marks. At 37, Mayo is still relatively young by coaching standards, but his command of the locker room is undeniable. According to sources close to the team, players gravitate toward him in a way that reflects both respect and admiration. He’s part strategist, part motivator, and entirely a team-first guy.
The Belichick Blueprint
What makes Mayo’s rise so exciting for Patriots fans is the undeniable parallels to his mentor, Bill Belichick. Like Belichick, Mayo has a meticulous approach to the game. He’s known for breaking down film until the early hours of the morning, and it shows on the practice field. In the latest media release, Patriots personnel commented on how Mayo has taken on more responsibilities, particularly in developing game plans and overseeing all three phases of the game — not just the defense. The Belichick coaching tree is extensive, but few have had the opportunity to learn directly under the greatest coach of all time while playing and coaching. It’s this dual experience that separates Mayo. The Patriots are known for cultivating homegrown talent, and in many ways, Mayo is the epitome of that philosophy.
Subtle.
What’s Next?
So, what does the future hold for Jerod Mayo? It’s not a stretch to say that many around the league view him as a head coach in waiting. With Belichick’s career winding down, Mayo has increasingly become the face of the future in New England. And if the Patriots’ latest media releases are any indication, it’s a future that’s bright. In one interview last week, when asked about his ambitions, Mayo was predictably modest: “I’m just focused on helping this team win games.” But ask anyone in the Patriots organization, and they’ll tell you Mayo’s impact is already evident — and it’s just the beginning.
North Star!
Note: Old Friend ‘Uncle Gizmo’ took a cue from the latest Entitled Town podcast. He input into ChatGPT: “I’d like to create a story in the current style of Albert Breer. It would be a glowing story about New England Patriots coach Jerod Mayo and would use as it’s base Patriots media releases for the last month.” The result is what you see above.
Note: Patrick Scartelli has taken this week off from Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer. In his place is an excerpt from good friend of The15net dot com, sportswriter Mr. Stanislas Tecumseh Darden, Jr., with an excerpt from his book, ‘406 Little-Known Beantown (& Foxborough) Sports Facts!’
…
Boston Celtics GM Danny Ainge traded the first overall pick in the 2017 NBA Draft to Philadelphia for their third overall pick, and selected Jayson Tatum!
John Bucyk scored 545 goals as a member of the Boston Bruins!
The city of Boston has never hosted an Olympic Games!
Boston Red Sox center fielder Dom DiMaggio’s brothers Vincent and Joseph also played baseball professionally!
Former Bruins player Gregory Campbell’s nickname was and is ‘Soupy!’
Celtics mascot Lucky doesn’t take cabs!
During a 1961 game between the then-Boston Patriots and the then-Dallas Texans, a fan in a trench coat went into the end zone to bat down a potential game-winning pass!
From 1947 until 1999, no advertisements could be found on Fenway Park’s Green Monster!
In 1970, Robert Gordon Orr won the Norris, Art Ross, Conn Smythe, and the Hart Trophy, becoming the only player to win all four awards during the same season!
Dick Flavin is an American poet known as the “poet laureate of the Boston Red Sox!”
Boston Garden was the first arena to host the Stanley Cup Final and NBA Finals at the same time in 1957!
Coachmen love The Head of the Charles Regatta!
On Mother’s Day of 2007, the Red Sox erased a 5-run deficit in the bottom of the 9th inning, winning 6-5!
After losing the Snow Bowl playoff game in Foxboro to the Patriots, the Oakland Raiders reached the Super Bowl the very next season, and lost that game as well, 21-48! Quit whining about the officiating, losers!
Fenway Park has not hosted an All-Star Game since 1999!
The Boston Bruins were founded in 1924!
When Ted Williams played the final game of his career at Fenway Park on September 28, 1960, there were only 10,454 people in the stands, much fewer than the total number of people who would later claim to have been there!
The Boston College Eagles were charter members of the original Big East Conference!
There is no longer a GameStop location in Patriot Place!
Late Celtics star Reggie Lewis played his college ball in Boston as well, for Northeastern University!
David ‘Big Papi’ Ortiz has an Identical Best Friend, named Sixto!
The USS Constitution “Old Ironsides,” like many Navy vessels fields a baseball team!
Nina Kuscsik was the first woman to officially win the Boston Marathon, which occurred in 1972!
The Bruins were the first NHL team to own aZamboni and also the first NHL team to get rid of Zamboni, TD Garden have used Olympia Ice Resurfacers since 2015!
During his pro wrestling career, Pete Doherty, The Duke of Dorchester defeated Fred Marzino 28 times with no wins scored by Marzino!
Schaefer Stadium was originally built in Mexico as a soccer venue for the 1970 World Cup, and was purchased at discount by the Sullivan family, disassembled, transported stateside, and rebuilt in Foxboro!
The original Boston Garden opened in 1928 as ‘Boston Madison Square Garden!’
The Patriots record during Upton Bell’s tenure as GM was 9-19!
Former Red Sox skipper Walpole Joe Morgan meets broadcaster Joe Morgan every few months for lunch to exchange misaddressed fan mail!
It’s funny because it’s more bear costume-y than a regular hat.
I’m surprised Shohei Ohtani wasn’t aware that Asians love gambling.
The Celtics would have won by more if either or both of the Antetokounmpo brothers played last night.
Pastrnak has 19 career hat tricks? What a Good Kid he turned out to be.
You can tell by how the guy dribbles before taking the shot if random college basketball player X will drain the free throw.
Why wouldn’t a guy with a history of beard girlfriends also believe in ‘crisis actors?’
Put the Swifties in charge of finding out the truth about Kate Middleton. They’ll have the entire thing sorted and a song written about William inheriting the lying-n-cheating gene from his father before the Eras Tour streams.
What kind of maniac puts peanut M&Ms in cookies?
Aloha means ‘goodbye’. Aloha, Trent Brown.
Cakes are cooking for Tom Flores, Timothy Dalton, Gary Oldman, Lynn Mabry, Slim Jim Phantom, Matthew Broderick, Al Iafrate, Kenny Bräck, Large Professor, Vitaly Potapenko, Marit Bjørgen, Ronaldinho, Franck Perera, and Adrian Peterson.
Love the info. Did a freshman year speech class…speech on that stuff. Very complex. (may have worn IRA sweatshirt as kid)
Red Line Update: Delays of about 25 minutes due to an earlier disabled train at Alewife.
Turtleboy out there saying you shouldn’t harass strangers on the internet because it’s a miserable way to go through life. Okay.
Mike Williams is signing a one-year deal worth up to $15 million with the Jets, per source.
Sweet potatoes are so yummy.
Former Red Sox catcher Oscar Hernandez signed with the Staten Island Ferry Hawks of the Atlantic League today.
A lot of LLCs file in Delaware because of their corporate laws.
That new Husky dog mascot UConn has looks psychotic. Maybe the pup needs to grow into his face a bit.
311 makes Sublime looks like N.W.A.
Hey gang of good listeners! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “He could give aspirin a headache.”
I was the first person in my school (and possibly a much wider geographical area) who had Pogs. My cousin from Hawaii brought them on a visit like a year before they hit the States in full.
The Big East is 0-3 in the NIT after day one.
Since the MLB season stated last night, should I assume that the President was there to throw out the first pitch?
Fun Fact: Kirk Herbstreit’s dog hates him.
Please make a note that the Toucher & Hardy ‘March Flatness’ bit about small-breasted celebrities has been stealth-edited into ‘March Plainness’. Evidently multiple of the contestants are breast cancer survivors. I’m sure 98 point Finn is halfway thru his expose.
Did you know Pat Spencer played lacrosse?
I do enjoy a Fanta Orange on a hot summer day occasionally.
We’re coming up to Greg Hill’s seasonal best ratings period, the ‘My car radio was tuned to WEEI because I was listening to the Red Sox game the night before.’
Tapas, yum.
Read, Karen-ST, S 5’5″, 130 – limited athletically due to stiff hips which hinder her backpedal and driving ability. Wood Hauler’s ass not conducive to defensive backfield play. Big hitter who will kill you if she catches you in open road but tackling ability isn’t strong enough for in the box play. Too slow in coverage to have impact at next level.
Could we have kippers for breakfast? Mummy dear, Mummy dear? They got to have ’em in Texas, ‘Cos everyone’s a millionaire.
I’m a winner, I’m a sinner; Do you want my autograph? I’m a loser, what a joker, I’m playing my jokes upon you, While there’s nothin’ better to do… Hey!
My cousin and her boyfriend just went to Brazil. He shows up to Sunday dinner, plunks down on the couch next to me and asks if I wanna look at his vacay pics. I point to the tv and said “no.” It’s Selection Sunday. Please. What’s with these people?
Vermont 4 Lexington 3. It’s a Cupset!
Bill Simmons reportedly producing Boston Celtics docuseries for Max.
Aaron Rodgers quitting the Jets to run for VP for the crackpot independent candidate married to Cheryl Hines is by far the best way to conclude CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM, kudos to Larry David for drawing this up.
Honk if you remember Hason Graham.
My two favorite Red Sox pitchers working in split squad games, both on TV. Bello is such a pleasure to watch pitch; always has been, from his first major league start. Tanner Houck is the guy I most root for, although sometimes it’s like rooting for a turtle to cross the road.
Why was Dart Adams excluded from the We Are the World documentary?
College basketball superfans are so weird. You’ve got 100 TV’s; one can be spared for golf and the group of people actually tipping their bartenders.
Real ones know to get the Kielbasa Reuben at Richard’s Grinders in West Springfield.
A five run first inning? Not the worst thing to ever happen to a Yamamoto.
We see it every year: a March Sadness competitor upping their game after they lose their matchup.
I heard Zach Edey just had another growth spurt and he’s 7’10” now.
Curt can’t make it for the Opening Day Ceremony, he’s getting his Luftwaffe uniforms let out that day.
Best bet for the weekend: Brackets. Ruined.
Hey, Ho! Let’s go!
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. One Two Three Five!!
And Happy Birthday to Czech tennis player Karolína Plíšková.
The 15 