Drake Maye’s Top 5 Conspiracy Theories: 5. Fumbles aren’t real 4. Chemtrails are creating atmospheric disturbances which are increasing the number of interceptions 3. Prolonged exposure to the electromagnetic field emanating from Robert Kraft’s surveillance bunker is weakening the soft tissue of the players 2. The real Bill Belichick is being held captive in the lighthouse while his clone is out damaging his legacy 1. Fluoridation caused Mike Vrabel to have a six year affair with Dianna Russini
I do not avoid women, Drake, but I do deny them my essence
Sunday Breakfast Time Eagles at Jaguars (-4.5) Spotted cats enjoy a win over a spot of tea
Yeah baby!
Sunday Lunch Time Bengals (-7.5) at Dolphins Stripey cats feast on fish
Look a catfish
Vikings (-1.5) at Saints Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints? Dey be the Vikings.
Raiders at Patriots (-3.5) Birds may not be real, but Drake Maye IS!
Safety first
Browns at Jets (-2.5) Brown out shuts down New York
Texans (-6.5) at Titans Texans top Tits
Texan tit top
Colts at Steelers (-2.5) Yinzy over Indy
Giants at Commanders (-3) Greek Giant skins Washington
I thought you said “green giant”
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos (-3.5) at Chargers Bolts shock Broncos
Lions (-5.5) at Cardinals Jungle Kings devour pretty red birds
Roar!
Bears (-2.5) at Packers Meatmen grind out a win
I am not a bear
49ers at Seahawks (-3) Fake Seabirds soar as Purrdy slumps in the perpetual rain of Seattle
Yet another miserable rainy day in Seattle
Sunday Prowl Time Ravens (-3.5) at Falcons Penix slaps the Scary Black Birds
Monday Prowl Time Bills at Rams (-2.5) Horny Sheep clip Hairy Cows
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
You know what the most jarring experience was for me on Sunday? It wasn’t watching my franchise quarterback get obliterated, benched, and look worse by comparison to the backup who usurped him. It was the fact that I don’t care. Not “I don’t care” like I don’t care if they win or lose, or “I don’t care” because I have a steadfast belief that Drake Maye will turn it around. It is an apathy born from asking myself what else did I expect?, knowing we’ll likely see the exact same thing next week.
My only regret is that I previously said, “Maybe the Jaguars’ tendency to blitz will cause Maye to make fewer mistakes, not more!” Nice prognosis, idiot. Maye was pressured on a staggering 48.4% of his dropbacks.
In my defense, all of Maye’s mistakes actually came when he was facing little duress. That being said, his refusal to take what the defense gives him is maddening. He simply refuses to hit the open player underneath, on the sideline, or execute anything that isn’t high-risk.
Though they only scored six points, they managed to get the ball onto the Jaguars’ side of the field seven times. Each time, they failed to score a touchdown. Instead, they coughed up three critical turnovers—two interceptions and a lost fumble by Maye—ultimately walking away with only two field goals. According to Sports Bureau and NextGenStats tracking data, this ties the highest number of drives an NFL team has advanced into an opponent’s territory without scoring a touchdown in over two decades (matching a 2003 Patriots-Browns game).
The right side of the Patriots’ offensive line was a revolving door. Since losing Mike Onwenu the week prior, his replacement, Greg Van Roten, was also injured early in the contest, leading to a total collapse of protection. Veteran Morgan Moses committed a holding penalty born from bad technique, negating what would have been a 21-yard touchdown run by Maye.
(Maye had 5 WRs open here)
Maye’s short-term regression is indicative of how poorly Eliot Wolf constructed this team, putting all of his eggs in the A.J. Brown basket. Long-term, it is important to remember that Maye is not the first of a new wave of quarterbacks to suddenly regress after an initial breakout.
The more the league trends toward moving the ball up the field while only half-heartedly embracing a conservative scheme, the more this same story will play out for reasons beyond on-field personnel and the offensive coordinator. Trevor Lawrence struggled mightily until this past season, often waxing and waning, until finally learning enough that you can confidently say he’s a quarterback you can win your division with. There was no magic elixir, no change in play-calling, and no influx of talent. His brain finally learned how to play football. It is that simple fact fans don’t wish to accept as reality for Maye: he does not know how to play football yet. Full stop.
Bad Mechanics, anyone?
The people clamoring for him to be Tom Brady—to be a model of consistent excellence for 20 years—need to get their heads checked. He’ll never be that, and we’ll likely never see that again. What we can get is year-after-year development into a solid, savvy quarterback who won’t make it his personal mission to give the ball away. He’s 24 and a bit of a moron, but what we saw in 2025 doesn’t magically disappear overnight.
For the first three games of this season, the Patriots offense has scored 29 points on 30 drives. You know what that is comparable to? The 2021 New York Jets, led by Zach Wilson. (Link to the tweet that is proof of this —
The Patriots offense has scored 29 points on 30 drives this season
That’s the fewest points per drive (0.97) by any team through 3 games since the 2021 Jets in the 1st 3 starts of Zach Wilson’s career
I never thought I’d be clamoring for Cam Ward to be my quarterback three games into the year, yet here we are. Is Ward good? Certainly not. He misses open guys routinely and scored only seven points against the Giants in a game that was begging to be taken. But you know what he doesn’t do? Turn the ball over. If Maye had Ward’s paltry stats of two touchdowns and one interception, as opposed to one touchdown and six interceptions, this team is 2-1—or hell, maybe 3-0 if they could give their defense a needed respite. Give me the quarterback who understands on some macro level that he sucks and plays within his limitations over the quarterback who says all the right things about accountability but goes out there and makes the same mistakes. At this point, any Patriots possession that ends in a punt rather than a turnover should be welcomed.
Is it a sign of defeat when you say not to expect a championship-level quarterback this season, next season, or even the season after that? Of course it is! But you shouldn’t hope for Maye to be that right now because it’s akin to banging your head against a wall. Just hope he becomes someone the Patriots are willing to keep around on a reasonable salary when his rookie contract is torn up. They won’t do it, and they absolutely shouldn’t do it, but I’d be inclined to want to see Tommy DeVito out there—knowing he isn’t any good—out of sheer curiosity to see if my inclination that this is largely Maye’s fault is correct. In the stint DeVito had in garbage time against Jacksonville, he did not turn the ball over, completed three passes for 30 yards, and logged an efficient 77 passer rating. The ball came out quickly, and the Patriots played a cleaner brand of offense in that little stint than at any point prior this season.
If you were to ask me in August how I saw this first matchup against the Bills going, I’d tell you both quarterbacks would try to keep the opposing team in the game, and ultimately it would come down to coaching and the fact that Buffalo’s defense stinks, allowing the Patriots to eke out a win. Now? I thoroughly expect a boat race. The good news is that after Buffalo, the Patriots have two easier games against Las Vegas and New York. While the Raiders are 3-0 and the Jets are feisty, the Patriots should not lose those games. If they lose those, you might as well start preparing for 2027.
If they can claw their way to 3-3 heading into week six, maybe A.J. Brown comes back, the offense opens up a little, Maye steadies himself, and the team can play the conservative style it needs to remain competitive for a playoff spot.
Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com.
A statement for immediate release from New England Patriots and Gillette Stadium Owner Robert Kraft…
🚨 LOCAL MUSICIANS WANTED 🚨
Are you looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?
Do you possess an instrument, a pulse, and absolutely zero financial ambitions?
Do you know how to keep your opinions to yourself?
Brilliant! Because we have the perfect opportunity for YOU! We are putting together a band to open for legendary singer songwriter and all around mensch, Mr. Ed Sheeran on September 25th and 26th. Our previously booked act, a highly unprofessional meshugener schmuck, tragically canceled on us. That putz’s loss is your golden opportunity!
What We Offer Unparalleled Exposure: Play for a stadium full of people that was expecting someone else entirely! The Thrill of the Rescue: Bask in the heroic glory of saving our event from absolute disaster. Complimentary Air: Breathe all the ambient oxygen you want while on stage. Free Refreshments: A half-empty cooler of lukewarm Gatorade awaits you backstage, plus one (1) complimentary bologna sandwich after your performance is complete. (NOTE: The sandwich will only be available on night two.)
What We Need Anyone who can carry a tune, hold a beat, or at least look convincing pretending to do so. Someone with absolutely no opinions on anything, especially regarding an obscure ongoing minor dispute in the Middle East. A performer with a deep, spiritual understanding that “art is its own reward” – because you won’t be getting paid.
If this sounds like you, please bring your gear and your talent down to One Patriot Place. We will supply the mandatory blue square pin.
Don’t mention Paw-listine
Sunday Lunch Time Panthers (-1.5) at Falcons Black Cats pounce on predators
Vikings at Bears (-5.5) Bears knockout Norsemen
Bengals at Texans (-3) Stripey Cats give Houston problems
Steelers at Patriots (-5.5) Kraft bans Qanon Rodgers from preforming at Gillette
Fire up the space laser
Packers (-4) at Jets Meatmen grind up Gotham
Don’t try this at home
Eagles (-7) at Titans American birds top Tits
Did someone say American tit top?
Saints at Ravens (-8.5) Scary Black Birds martyr Saints
Browns at Buccaneers (-8.5) Bucs bake Brownies
Elf on the baking shelf
Sunday Dinner Time Jaguars at Broncos (-3) Spotty cats love high places
Raiders at Chargers (-7) Plugs turn out Vegas lights
Seahawks (-4.5) at Cardinals Fake Seabirds swarm pretty red birds
Commanders at Cowboys (-3.5) Cowboys master Commanders
Dolphins at 49ers (-12.5) Prospectors fry fish
Sunday Prowl Time Colts at Chiefs (-6.5) Watch out Men of Czonka, 17-0 is still on the table
Don’t go popping that champagne just yet
Monday Prowl Time Giants at Rams (-7) Horny sheep gore G-men
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Best friends hold hands all the time. What’s the problem?
You can’t win them every year, UConn. That goes for the men as well as the women.
Red Sox are AIDSier than that lesion on Cora’s face.
This year’s Celtics broad cast was better than the one last year, I guess.
I assure you, there are still white people at Fenway.
Geekie off the schnied. The rest of the Black & Gold? eh.
I think the powers that be have drastically overestimated people’s desire for more Kelce family content.
First they say Bill is too hostile to the media. Now this. Make up your mind, people.
Cakes are coking for Stuart Pankin, Tim Thomerson, Steve Howe, Jim Lampley, Mel Schacher, Adam Woods, Barbara Kingsolver, Kane Hodder, Fred Smerlas, John Schneider, Izzy Stradlin, Julian Lennon, Terry Porter, Lisa Guerrero, Robin Wright, Patricia Arquette, Alex Gonzalez, Emma Caulfield, Jeremy Guthrie, Taylor Kitsch, Gennady Golovkin, Ezra Koenig, Félix Hernández, Matthew Healy, CeeDee Lamb, and Isaac Hempstead Wright.
Yeah, let’s get NFL-like catch rules for baseball. That’ll go great. ‘You have to make a baseball move after you catch it.’
Courtney Love looks absolutely nothing like Courtney Love.
It was a magnanimous gesture for Geno to offer that insincere apology.
Anthony Lopopolo is JK Rowling character levels of hilarious. Why not just name him ‘Vowels Spaghettini?’
Hey gang of reply guys, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I was disappointed that you were joking, then I clicked the probable spam and was disappointed you were telling the truth.”
Will Flemming should be shot into the sun for promising me smiles.
Lakers fans complaining about Luka and Reaves being injured, try dealing with consecutive first round picks DYING and get back to me.
Maybe Mike Vrabel is just an affectionate greeter?
LMAO at Barkley pretending he pays attention to women’s basketball.
Bodhisattva, would you take me by the hand?
Word of advice, if you have bipolar or another mental illness, don’t jack up your credit cards when in a mania or in a depression…use cash! Interest is a nasty mofo.
Drew Carter is morphing into Chris Forsberg.
Remember, weakness is just pain leaving the body.
The Section 10 podcast has been dropped by more platforms than Katie Nolan.
Don’t worry, guys, I’m sure Mike Reiss will hold Coach Vrabes accountable.
“Portuguese pulled pork” is what Sal calls a handjob.
The Michigan guys look taller because their numbers are so small and set high.
Flavor Flav passing Snoop as our most Reddit-coded rapper.
Dianna’s not perverted; she’s just Italian.
I will remember you Your silhouette will charge the view Of distant atmosphere Call it morning driving through the sound And even in the valley.
In and around the lake Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there One mile over we’ll be there and we’ll see you Ten true summers we’ll be there and laughing, too 24 before my love you’ll see I’ll be there with you.
I look forward to Chuck Klosterman’s next book where he writes about “How the Challenger Explosion Explains the ABS Era.”
Your insole size is the same as your shoe size.
Sir Paul McCartney doesn’t get enough credit for the “Spies Like Us’ song.
Puka is going to Nazi rehab?
Honk if you remember David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear.
Triston. Not #owning.
Vrabes will now have to interlock fingers with Karen Guregian the next time he sees her. All fix!
Whether it’s a hotel in Chicago on the Artemis II spacecraft, breaking the toilet will make you feel like a numrod.
Blink and you missed it, but Don Orsillo was back in town during the series against the Padres!
Jerry Thornton is really scared he’s going to join his brothers in hell.
CVS not immediately offering the Easter candy at 50% off is a breach of the unwrittens.
A little hand-holding is all Peter King ever really wanted.
Congratulations, Steve Burton.
Cooper Flagg is just unbelievable.
Best bet for the weekend: it coming down to the final hole on the last day at Augusta National.
Deleted. But the foreverality of the interwebs and things like that.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Old Friends Hacksaw and Miserable Fellow, @PatriotsDaily, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Perfect for entertaining, or just snacking.
I hope when BB does get in he sends Jordon to accept for him like Sacheen Littlefeather.
Stadium Series Bag Job.
No one likes a salary dump more than the Boston Red Sox.
The Cool Kids table once more eludes Mister Kraft.
Mike Conley Jr. would fill the ‘defensive guard with a white wife’ spot on the C’s roster.
Gronk really white-knuckles his ad reads with Edelman, doesn’t he?
Vučević brings a lot of Montenegrin delicacies like priganice and palacinke. Culinarily speaking it really opens up the dessert spacing.
After 35 years of eligibility, it’s finally Ken Anderson’s turn!
Cakes are cooking for Gary Conway, John Schuck, John Steel, Florence LaRue, Johnny Gamble, Dan Quayle,Jeannie Wilson, Alice Cooper, Michael Beck, James Dunn, Robert Jan Stips, Patrick Bergin, Jerry Shirley, Lisa Eichhorn, Kitarō, Lawrence Taylor, Denis Savard, Clint Black, Dan Plesac, Kevin Wasserman, Brandy Ledford, Joe Sacco, Gabrielle Anwar, Rob Corddry, Oscar De La Hoya, Natalie Imbruglia, Cam’ron, Gavin DeGraw, Kimberly Wyatt, Carly Patterson, and Charlie Barnett.
I prefer my jerseys the way Bob Kraft likes his handjobs – cheap and from Asia.
Dave Portnoy runs like he tore both groin muscles. WTF.
NBA season doesn’t technically start until Dennis Schroder gets traded.
Lindsay Vonn must have been a hockey player in a past life.
Gosling always gets lumped in with Reynolds because of the first name. But Gosling is 100 times the actor that Reynolds is. Obviously chicks and gay men like him but he can actually act.
No news story involving an au pair has ever ended well.
Blue Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a maintenance train inspecting the overhead wires on the main line. Trains may stand by at stations.
Sean McDonough loves to talk about anything other than what’s going on the ice at that time.
Veronica’s Dad > Steve Burton’s daughter
News Item: Jeffrey Epstein scouted women for New York Giants co-owner Steve Tisch. Turns out the girls couldn’t play football so they then panicked and drafted Evan Neal.
Things that only happen flying out of Providence: Seeing your car in the long-term parking lot from the plane.
Hey gang of middle school sweethearts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I like Ann Michael. Kinda cute and she’s not a psychotic Brazilian.”
Max Shulga has a monk haircut.
I predict that Bad Bunny will be the Star of the Super Bowl. It will be the ICING on The Cake.
Was kinda hoping the Cs would start all the white guys for the inaugural Pioneers Classic. For the Lol’s!
What’s less believable? That Robin Leach killed somebody in front of a bunch of witnesses, or that someone actually enjoyed a Bill Speros column?
Goalie fights are fun, but also gay.
You know it’s healthy when you describe the flavor by color and not an actual flavor.
Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson!
Mike Conley Jr. looks like he was designed in a lab for the sole purpose of being called ‘Unc’ by other black people.
McKone’s hair on Terri Schiavo-style life support.
How does one go about watching more overtime hockey than most people? Sounds like a Zamboni driver’s lament.
Oh, mother, tell your children Not to do what I have done Spend your lives in sin and misery In the House of the Rising Sun.
Well, I got one foot on the platform The other foot on the train I’m goin’ back to New Orleans To wear that ball and chain.
Even for a radio guy, Jon Wallach is shockingly untalented.
Could a senile old man list the rosters of the 1954 and 1955 Fort Wayne Pistons? I think not!
Honk if you remember the original Floramo’s.
Imagine the poor Ukrainian sex-trafficking victim who had to listen to Kraft slur on about his RKK Air Force 1s.
These “in sports” people never fail to see the hypocrisy of them smirking and snarking their way through Black Monday (and mixed Thursday) and then crying about the Washington Post closing down its Sports Page.
Jordon Hudson has been 24 years old longer than Melanie Wilkes was pregnant with Beau in Gone With the Wind.
One confusing thing is that Super Bowl LX is pronounced the same as Super Bowl LIX.
No nights off in the Big East except for most of them.
Best bet for the weekend: Hype, hype, and then, even more hype.
Beanpotfever grips Hub.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Brother John Irons, Joe Giza, Old Friends Directional Brian and Moe’s Tavern and the members of #the15 were used in this column.No more Mister Nice Guy.
Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.
My heart isn’t in it
And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words: “Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014
14 day forecast?!?!?!
Sunday Early Dinner Time Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos Patriots bust Broncos
He’s comfortable at altitude
Sunday Late Dinner Time Rams at Seahawks (-2.5) Horny Sheep spook Darnold
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
It’s been a fun week basking in the glory of the first Patriots playoff win since Super Bowl LIII, but now it’s time to focus on the next opponent, the Houston Texans. What better way to break it all down, than a Dan Shaughnessy style look at how each team’s respective home town matches up with the other.
A football cat
Houston has the Johnson Space Center. Foxborough has the Gillette Stadium Lighthouse. Advantage:Patriots
The landlocked lighthouse is much more impressive
Well there you have it, bet your kid’s college tuition on the home team and thank us later
Saturday Dinner Time Bills at Broncos (-1.5) Buffalo sauces Nix
Buffalo are right at home in Denver
Saturday Prowl Time 49ers at Seahawks (-7) Fake Seabirds rain on Purrrdy’s parade
Someone left the cat out in the rain
Sunday Early Dinner Time Texans at Patriots (-3) As that great Patriot, Patrick Star once opined: “The stars at night are dull and dim whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! “
SpongeBob had it fisrt
Sunday Late Dinner Time Rams (-3.5) at Bears Horny sheep bang da’ Bears
This is why all Bears fans support two teams
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
As DRAKE-A-MAYENIA sweeps the six state region, we’d just like to remind you where you first were introduced to that fantastic (and potentially lucrative) phrase… it was HERE, in Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’24!
and also here, in Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’24!
Double TRADEMARK!
As part of our pending intellectual property infringement lawsuit(s), our special council has advised us to put all of our ideas out there (that’s legal jargon). So without further ado we bring you our latest potential merchandise ideas (TRADEMARK!):
Remember, never settle for cheap imitations when you can choose the high quality original! Only available (potentially) at the15net.com official store!
Sunday Desayuno Time Commanders at Dolphins (-2.5) ¡Los delfines ganan!
Sunday Lunch Time Panthers at Falcons (-3.5) Black cats can’t catch a break, or find a win
Times are tough
Buccaneers at Bills (-6) Bills bully Baker
Chargers (-3) at Jaguars Spotted cats get zapped by Plugs
From the golden age of advertising
Bears at Vikings (-2.5) Norsemen sneak by sleepy Bears
Packers (-7) at Giants There will be no metamorphosis under Kafka’s leadership.
High brow humor!
Bengals at Steelers (-5.5) Yinzers flatten Flacco
Texans (-6) at Titans Tex squeezes Tits
Sunday Dinner Time 49ers (-3) at Cardinals Purrrrdy swallows pretty red birds
He’s gaining on you red
Seahawks at Rams (-3) Horny sheep trample fake sea birds
Ravens (-7.5) at Browns Scary black birds flush the Browns
If it’s brown, flush it down
Chiefs (-3.5) at Broncos Chiefs bust Broncos
Sunday Prowl Time Lions at Eagles (-2.5) Jungle kings claw out a win in Philly
He likes his cheese steak extra cheesy
Monday Prowl Time Cowboys (-3.5) at Raiders Ranch hands rustle Raiders
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
News item:ESPN and Penn Entertainment are ending their sports-betting agreement early after failing to gain significant market share. The sports-media company will instead launch a new multiyear deal with industry leader DraftKings. The early ending for ESPN’s Penn Entertainment venture and ESPN Bet’s inability to gain scale is a sign of the grip DraftKings and FanDuel have on the market. Sports betting has exploded in America, but smaller companies and later entrants have been unable to capture fans’ attention.
We’re all in!
We here at The15Net.com know how difficult it can be for the little guy to mix it up with the big boys, so we are offering up our services to Penn in its time of need. Our industry leading brand is a perfect fit for Penn’s deep pockets and poor judgement. We have year round features like the ever popular Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer, the wildly successful Football Cat’s Weekly NFL Picks, the eagerly awaited March Sadness, this summer’s surprise smash hit the Summer Mini-Tournament and a cornucopia of other fabulous rib ticklers and side splitters. How does “The15net Bets” sound to you?
And all for the low low price of only $15 million in cash per year! That’s a tenth of what you were paying ESPN, and no one even has access to that channel anymore. So please reach out to Mr. Steve Bosell, the Managing Editor of The15Net.com, at your earliest convenience (if you can find him).
Thank you for you attention to this matter.
Sunday Frühstück Time Falcons at Colts (-6.5) Indianapolis Jones triumphs over those Nazi inspired helmet logos
Sunday Lunch Time Saints at Panthers (-5.5) Black cats scare the bejesus out of the Saints
Giants at Bears (-4.5) Bears send G-men into hibernation
Seems like a bad idea
Jaguars (-1.5) at Texans Spotted cats have a problem in Houston
Bills (-9.5) at Dolphins Buffalo grills Dolphins
Not this time Flipper
Ravens (-4.5) at Vikings Scary black birds continue to come back from the dead
Browns (-1.5) at Jets Browns catch Firesale Ed’s team looking ahead to 2027
Patriots at Buccaneers (-2.5) It’s no longer Baker Mayfield, it’s Baker ISfield!
This will never make any sense
Sunday Dinner Time Cardinals at Seahawks (-6.5) Fake Seabirds snatch up pretty red birds
Rams (-3) at 49ers Horny sheep menace Mac
Lions (-7.5) at Commanders Lions tame Swamp Things
No shirt, no shoes, all action!
Sunday Prowl Time Steelers at Chargers (-3) Bolts can’t penetrate the Men of Steel’s Faraday cage
Monday Prowl Time Eagles at Packers (-2.5) American Birds snap up Meat Men
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Every one of your suggestions was fantastic, unfortunately we don’t have the bandwidth to print them all here, but rest assured they will be available for download once the World Series is over. Until then, enjoy this random assortment of responses:
“Blue square lapel pins” – Robert K., Brookline, MA
“A variety of Buddha faux succulent terrariums” – Arianne S., Peabody MA
“Hugs” – Mike M., Enfield CT
“Resumes” – Jerod M., North Attleborough, MA
“Disease infested blankets” – Jeffrey A., Amherst MA
“Yolks from hard boiled eggs” – Brian L., Mansfield MA
“Blue cupcakes” – Joshua M., Nashua NH
“EpiPens” – Kendra M., Jacksonville FL
“Keep your grimy fingers off my blue cupcakes f*ck face. Give out some of those hand sanitizer bottles you’ve been swigging.” – Roger S., Nashua NH
“Serial killer vibes” – Jonathan B., Stoughton MA
“A free ride home from any detox center” – Frank S., Peabody MA
“L’s” – Steve R., Lowell MA
“Charcoal” – Bryan D., Quincy MA
“I can’t remember the question” – Corey B., Dorchester, MA
Speaking of early onset Alzheimer’s, don’t forget to turn those clocks back on Sunday
Why am I waiting an extra hour to eat?
Sunday Lunch Time Bears (-2.5) at Bengals Tigers lose to Bears, oh my!
Vikings at Lions (-8.5) Jungle kings maul marauders
Panthers at Packers (-12.5) Meatmen slice and dice black cats
I think I’d prefer the slicing and dicing
Broncos (-1.5) at Texans Broncos nix Texicans
Falcons at Patriots (-5.5) Patriots finally get revenge for almost losing the Super Bowl nine years ago
What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander?
49ers (-2.5) at Giants Prospectors pinch Pituitaries
Colts (-3) at Steelers Indianapolis Jones yanks Yinzers
Chargers (-9.5) at Titans Bolts tingle Tits
It looks safe to me
Sunday Dinner Time Saints at Rams (-14) Saints get excommunicated in the City of Angels
Jaguars (-3) at Raiders Spotty cats claw Pete’s poodles
Get busy doodle boy
Chiefs (-2) at Bills Chiefs take down tatanka
Those are some crazy looking coyotes
Sunday Prowl Time Seahawks (-3.5) at Commanders Fake sea birds soar over swamp things
Monday Prowl Time Cardinals at Cowboys (-2.5) Cowboys cage pretty red birds
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.