City sidewalks, busy sidewalks, dressed in holiday style, in the air there’s a feeling of Christmas. And in the spirit of the holiday season, the animals of The 15, and animals adjacent to The 15, have pooled their meager resources and gifted Football Cat a well deserved week off.
This isn’t as easy as it looked
SATURDAY LUNCH TIME Texans at Chiefs (-2.5) Marv thinks that, while the Chiefs may appear harmless, KC will suddenly snap and go for the Texans jugular.
Hi Marv!
SATURDAY DINNER TIME Steelers at Ravens (-6.5) Jocko isn’t a fan of the Black Birds, he takes the Steelers.
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Cardinals (-4.5) at Panthers Jocko also isn’t a fan of the Black Cats, he takes the Cardinals.
Jocko puts up with a lot
Giants at Falcons (-9) Rams (-3) at Jets Spuckie the rat loves both New York teams to at least cover.
Spuckie loved going on long walks with his owner LJ Sandwich (OOTGs)
Lions (-6.5) at Bears Gus takes Detroit in a huge bounce back game in chilly Chicago after a loss against Buffalo.
Gus is a much gooder friend than Mac
Titans at Colts (-3.5) Millie says to lay it all on the Tits
Pay attention to Millie!
Eagles (-3.5) at Commanders Remi takes the Eagles over the Commanders.
Drinks?
Browns at Bengals (-7.5) The Cleveland Pig digs the Browns (and truffles).
I love that pig
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Vikings (-3) at Seahawks Loki wishes he could fly like a real non-existent Seahawk.
One day that will be me up there
Jaguars at Raiders (-1) And Jocko really doesn’t like the Black Hole!
49ers at Dolphins (-1) Jasper would prefer backing a team from Virginia Beach, but Miami Beach is a close second.
Poor Jasper
Patriots at Bills (-14) Bo has unwavering faith in the Coach Quick Slants.
I live with a talking potato
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Buccaneers (-4) at Cowboys Dooze loves the Cowboys especially when they play with their roof open.
Did you hear about the dog park on the moon?
MONDAY PROWL TIME Saints at Packers (-13.5) Paco backs the Meat Men, preferably with a nice coating of Rub Smoke Love BEEF CAKE premium all-natural beef rub and seasoning.
All the best food seasonings are sold at True Value
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Interns beware! It’s that festive time of year again, tonight is the “The 15’s Annual Office Holiday Party”. ( It used to be the “The 15’s Annual Office Christmas Party”, but Carl did 23andMe this past year and, oy gevalt, he’s suddenly kosher.) But have no fear! Whether you spin the dreidel, or your savior was born in a stable, all you have to do is follow Football Cat’s 7 simple tips for a funtastic Office Holiday Party…
Spot the total number HR violations in this picture! Whoever comes closest will win a bonus day off* (*unpaid)
Show Up: You do not want to be labeled as a party pooper. Get your ass to the party, they’ll be free drinks (see Tip #2).
Drink: Drink! There’s nothing people like more than talking about the person who had too much to drink at the office party. You’re just providing a public service.
Eat: If you don’t eat, you’ll get drunk too fast (see Tip #2). It’s science.
Dance: On the floor, on the table (see Tip #2) , whatever it takes.
Talk to the Big Boss: Make sure you’ve had a couple of drinks first (see Tip #2) . And make it quick. Get in, get out. Don’t linger.
Play Your Transportation By Ear: You’re going to drink (see Tip #2) so don’t drive, but don’t plan ahead either. There’s definitely someone in the office with Clara Barton Syndrome, or maybe it’s Clara Nightingale Syndrome – whichever the nice one was. It doesn’t really matter, just don’t puke in Clara’s car.
Be Prepared: Bring an extra pair of underwear, your toothbrush and your passport. You never know what will happen (see Tip #2).
Good luck and have fun (see Tip #2)!
SUNDAY LUNCH TIME Chiefs (-4.5) at Browns Chiefs scalp the Elves
Payback is a bitch
Bengals (-5) at Titans Stripey Cats pancake Tits
Tigers and pancakes? Someone’s getting cancelled.
Commanders (-7) at Saints Godless Commies decanonize Saints
Ravens (-14.5) at Giants Scary Black Birds jar Giants
Cowboys at Panthers (-2.5) Scary Black Cats spook America’s Team
I’m dreaming of a Black Sunday
Jets (-3.5) at Jags My Good Friend Mac finally owns!
This time for sure!
Dolphins at Texans (-3.5) Texans barbecue Dolphins
SUNDAY DINNER TIME Colts at Broncos (-4) Big Broncos corral lil’ Colts
Go Horse(s)!
Bills at Lions (-2.5) Hairy Cows trample Jungle Kings
Steelers at Eagles (-5) Yinzers take the Keystone State Cup
Patriots at Cardinals (-6) Pretty Red Birds fly past Mayo’s men
Stay strong Drake-A-Maniacs!
Buccaneers at Chargers (-3) Brother Jim Hawkins’ gang zaps swashbucklers
SUNDAY PROWL TIME Packers (-3) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds aren’t in the mood for Love.
MONDAY EARLY PROWL TIME Bears at Vikings (-7) Vikings plunder hibernating Bears
Sounds like a Pixar movie
MONDAY PROWL TIME Falcons (-5) at Raiders Too bad Jerry Glanville isn’t alive to see his Falcons take down the Elvis impersonators #RIP
Wait… what?
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Mark Dondero will be visited by three spirits on Christmas. It will be his highest-rated show ever.
I was told Adam Hart’s relevance wasn’t tied to Belichick.
So I guess it would be fair to suggest that Foxboro and Mansfield left it all on Martinelli Field on Turkey Day? Still, congrats to our lone champion, North Attleboro, but also thanks to Mansfield, Foxboro and King Philip for their outstanding seasons. On to courts and rinks.
Drew Carter actively tried to get Scalabrine fired by asking him why Jay Huff is sneaky athletic.
The performative outrage about Aroldis Chapman didn’t last very long.
Pam Oliver looks like Roscoe Lee Brown with a weave.
Bruins done got Winnipegged.
I still think Dartmouth and not University Park when I hear ‘SMU.’
The Parkers giving their kid a zeppelin for Christmas of ‘40 is kinda problematic. Was the Old Man a Lindbergh guy?
Bet Bryan wishes he just admitted to being Jake.
Cakes are cooking for Rita Moreno, David Gates, Donna Mills, John Kerry, Brenda Lee, Lynda Day George, Brad Bryant, Jermaine Jackson, Stu Jackson (no relation), Mike Mesaros, Nikki Sixx, Lisa Gastineau, Mary Beth Zimmerman, Darryl Jones, Mike Henneman, Ben Browder, Cosy Sheridan, Dave Gagner, Dave Schools, Justin Currie, Thomas Howard, Jay Bell, Martin Blunt, DJ Yella, Mo’Nique, Sean Grande, Errict Rhett, Willie McGinest, Daniel Alfredsson, Mos Def, Rey Mysterio, Gerben de Knegt, Rider Strong, Zacky Vengance, Samantha Ponder, and Malcolm Brogdon.
I’m hearing that The Civ Report is doing Girl at the Game type numbers!
No buzz in here about the MLB draft lottery??
Being from Roslindale and ending up in Randolph is like being born on 2nd base and ending up on 1st.
The Hawk Tuah Girl’s cybercurrency thing wasn’t called, ‘SpitCoin?’ No wonder it crashed.
Orange Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem near Wellington.
What a collection of talent we have. We’re the fucking LA Dodgers of trolls, except all the money is deferred forever.
When an official gets hurt, I think the broadcast referee expert should suit up and take his spot.
Still not sure I can trust a guy named Ollie.
Hey gang of talentless journeymen, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “”I’m on my fourth team in five years. I think I know a little something about how the NFL works, Troy.”
Dart Adams? Still boring.
My current belief is that Gemini sometimes runs real simulations, but sometimes reports the results of hallucinated simulations. Which is obviously a problem.
I just found a bargain on a Canucks shirt on Fanatics.
Accidentally made my nephew cry by telling him I saw the elf on the shelf drinking from the toilet.
No better place to rehab your damaged image from racist emails than with Barstool.
I saw Wicked and that shit bangs so hard. It fucking rocks.
Yeah, we hate our lives, not the twin slobs who mainline 14 hours of sports radio a day.
Stockton got smoked.
A yellow ESPN alert on the ticker during a football game will never not fool me that there’s a flag.
In the future, everyone will rug a memecoin for fifteen minutes.
Azzez Al-Shaair hit Trevor Lawrence like, I don’t know, a plane hitting some sort of tall building.
Seriously, though, when is the award-winning Kendra Middleton on the radio?
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree at the Christmas party hop. Mistletoe hung where you can see every couple tries to stop. Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, let the Christmas spirit ring. Later, we’ll have some pumpkin pie, and we’ll do some caroling.
You will get a sentimental feelin’ When you hear. Voices singin’, “Let’s be jolly (ooh) Deck the halls with boughs of holly.”
Rockin’ around the Christmas tree, have a happy holiday. Everyone dancin’ merrily in the new old-fashioned way.
For 2025, Wilyer Abreu vs. Teoscar H is kind of a 50/50 proposition. Over the next 3 years, Wilyer will have twice as much value as Teoscar. Over 5 years, three times as much.
As a bit of a fragrance expert (I am a collector) I will be testing this Trump perfume out and reviewing it.
You can have your Dame Time. I’ll take my Holiday Time.
Sources: The New England Revolution are set to name Gillette as their new jersey sponsor. This deal has been in the works for some time.
Honk if you remember the JFK Lufthansa Heist.
Time for another December of ‘who the fuck are these people that sent us a Christmas card?’
You took what’s yours, Shawsheen Tech Rams.
Everything that you are involved in, please do the research and learn to educate yourself.
‘Chuck Terrific’ is the name DJ Bean uses at the glory holes.
Remember if you see standing water on the road you can probably get through it – it’s probably not as deep as you think.
Commissioner Silver’s performance as Nosferatu is Oscar-worthy.
I can’t believe that WEEI interviewed a guy who spent a month on the Patriots in 2005 as a Belichick expert. Well, I guess I can.
All the fanciest domiciles have “unit” in the address.
I have a Chinese symbol for the word foot tattooed on my foot.
Larry Fitz Senior is the black Curt Schilling.
Best bet for the weekend: the Kansas City Chiefs win by two scores for a change.
“I asked Coach Tomlin if he expects Russell Wilson to return. He said, ‘most likely’, then blinked a lot. Back to you guys.”
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Red Six, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Just to win the love of a girl like you.
And happy birthday to actress-singer Hailee Steinfeld.
The 15 