Smart shoppers are avoiding the crowds by visiting the official the15net.com store to pick up their official the15net.com merchandise. It’s what all the cool people will be wearing to the office Christmas party. And who doesn’t want to be cool?
Q: Who could ever look cooler than these Fonzies
A: These two heartbreakers
Sunday Lunch Time Rams (-10) at Panthers Horny sheep skin black cats
49ers (-4.5) at Browns Prospectors fry Colonel Sanders
It takes a tough cat to make a tender bird
Texans at Colts (-4.5) Indianapolis Jones whips Houston
Saints at Dolphins (-5.5) Tua’s Dolphins dunk tanking Saints
He’s not called Coach Drip for nothing
Falcons (-2.5) at Jets Birds of Prey soar over sputtering Jets
Cardinals at Buccaneers (-2.5) Pretty Red Birds fly past Bucs
Jaguars (-6.5) at Titans Spotted cats top Tits
Did someone say “jaguar tit top”? EDITOR’S NOTE: These are leopard spots, not jaguar spots. We regret the error.
Sunday Dinner Time Vikings at Seahawks (-11.5) Sam Darnold haunts Vikings
Raiders at Chargers (-10) Bolts put out Vegas’ lights
You can get the top selling Jonathan shirt in white
Bills (-3.5) at Steelers Buffalo wings Yinzers
Sunday Prowl Time Broncos (-6) at Commanders Rested Broncos bust Commies
Monday Prowl Time Giants at Patriots (-7.5) Pats head to the bye on a high
You can get the top selling Jonathan shirt in blue
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.
Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.
And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.
Happy Upton Bell Day!
So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!
Sunday Lunch Time Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers Black cats get slapped by Penix
Packers (-7.5) at Browns Packko over Flacco
In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.
Texans at Jaguars (-2) Texicats hog tie spotted cats
Bengals at Vikings (-3) Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles
Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red
November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language
Rams at Eagles (-3.5) Philly rams LA
Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5) Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl
Colts (-4.5) at Titans Tits whip Indianapolis Jones
Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.
Raiders at Commanders (-3.5) The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos at Chargers (-3) Bolts best Broncos
Saints at Seahawks (-7.5) Saints remain winless in Seattle
Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star
Cowboys (-1) at Bears Da Bears drop Da Boys
Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5) Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.
Sunday Prowl Time Chiefs (-6) at Giants Chiefs cut the Giants down to size
9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth
Monday Prowl Time Lions at Ravens (-4.5) Scary black birds tame the big cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The bones of the previous regime will be roasted at the gates of Hell!
Sent to us from Patrick in Andover del Norte:
Wild Card Monday really lived up to its name, as each of the four winners are first time participants. Apparently, everyone loves to hate an underdog. Are there more upsets on the horizon? That’s for YOU to decide!
Region C – Michael Felger (1) vs Chris Cotillo (16) Let’s face it, Cotillo has no chance against Felger. To help ease his pain please consider signing up to his Zoom workshop for aspiring sportswriters. Come learn what it takes to break into a tough industry. All are welcome, no experience required. Maybe next year YOU can go from March Sadness voter to March Sadness participant. Chris can be reached by email at bychriscotillo@gmail.com for pricing and more info. Make sure to use the code “THE15” at checkout.
Phil Perry (4) vs Rob Bradford (13) What the hell is going on with the brim on all of Bradford’s hats? A 50+ year old man in a flat-brimmed hat is bad enough, but to have a brim with a convex curve! It’s quite the zany affect. I guess it distracts from the perpetually wrinkled boring t-shirts. Perry advances.
We’re on the way to the full Jesper Parnevik brim.
Greg Hill (3) vs Rich Keefe (14) UPSET ALERT! The last time I heard Greg Hill on the radio was during one of Howard Stern’s 20-minute-long commercial breaks. Greg actually pulls the highest ratings at WEEI, which is akin to being the tallest midget (Hello Andy Hart!). If you follow the ratings as they plummet throughout the day, you will eventually arrive at Rich Keefe. Keefer sadness for the win!
Region V – Andy Gresh (5) vs Adam Jones (12) Yet another intra-EEI match up. Imagine being at such an awful radio station that Andy Gresh is your lead in. Now imagine being such an awful radio host that you can’t even retain Andy Gresh’s audience. It must be killing Adam Jones that if he had just hung in there for six more months he could have slithered right into co-host seat at the 98.5 Morning Zoo. The Sports Vulva ffffreaking earholes Gresh.
Dan Shaughnessy (6) vs Jermaine Wiggins (11) Can Shank be the Willis Reed of this tournament? More likely the 2023 version of Reed rather than his 1970 performance. Even without a pulse Dan will beat Wiggy.
Region N – Ted Johnson (1) vs Mike Kadlick (16) And now a few words from Ted Johnson: Bread, good. Fire, BAD!
Ted smash!!
Marc Bertrand (4) vs Gabby Starr (13) Gabby was the belle of last year’s ball, but now that she’s covering the unrest in the Middle East instead of the Red Sox, I fear she may not make it out of round one. The Far Side Kid should roll to a victory.
Jim Murray (2) vs Christian Arcand (15) Arcand is a dingleberry, but Murray is a piece of shit.
Region T – Christian Fauria (8) vs Chris Curtis (9) Fauria may have been part of two Super Bowl wins, yet it is Curtis who has the more amazing accomplishment. What was Lucy thinking?
Gratuitous? Yes, and?
Mark Daniels (5) vs Joe Murray (12) Poor Joey Beefs doesn’t stand a chance against YOUR New England Patriots Minister of Information. I’m hearing whispers than Daniels is primed for a deep run.
The 15 