The 15

The Celtics can’t just have an off-game or not play their best. Any loss is an indictment of their system and the coaching that goes into it. Like the Dynasty Patriots when every win was a formality, and every loss was a referendum on the team’s legacy. It’s fucking tiresome. They lost by 4, so chill the fuck out and shut the fuck up. This team is fine.

Rickey doesn’t like this talk about Rickey being dead. Hopefully someone tells his John Olerud story again.

My favorite Shaq endorsement is printer ink.

Say what you will about Craig Breslow, but a guy who spends his Christmas Eve searching for Mickey Gasper trade partners is a guy I want running my baseball team.

Milt Pappas is a great name.

So the late and bafflingly lamented Bunky Donaldson was a negative piece of shit even during the most impressive dynasty in team sports history? Good guy! He will not be missed in this quarter, despite his savant-like ability to ‘phone a restaurant and make reservations.’

Mina Kimes providing *significantly* more insight and information than RGIII and Teo is really tough for the “you have to play football to analyze football” crowd.

Pneumonia is psychosomatic.

You can have a turnover-prone running back and win games. You can have a turnover-prone quarterback and win games. But it’s tough to win games having both.

I’ve had a theory since I was a kid but I’ve never known if it makes any sense, but it’s that the sharp/crisp sound of the audio of movies in theaters is meant to subliminally make you want to buy popcorn because of how crisp popcorn sounds when you say it.

Cakes are cooking for John Walsh, Carlton Fisk, Chris Chambliss, Ozzie Smith, Peter Woods, David Sedaris, Gail Tatterson, Karen Smith, Adrian Newey, Temuera Morrison, Lars Ulrich, Tim Legler, Jared Leto, Ryan Berube, Tiffany Brissette, Tony Brackens, Chris Daughtry, Kit Harrington, and Lucille Burdge.

Also, is it just me or are popcorn ceilings designed to make you reflexively say, “did you finish?”

Getting my period tomorrow and sobbing after two drinks today because Randy Moss doesn’t have a super bowl ring.

Wait, what?

Dickie V is going to Beetlejuice his cancer back.

Newburyport Train 146 (7:54 am from Newburyport) is cancelled due to a mechanical issue. Passengers will be accommodated by Train 148 (8:49 am from Newburyport). Passengers between Beverly and N Station may also consider Train 106 (8:13 am from Rockport).

I’m trying to figure out what ‘Sopan Deb’ is an anagram for.

Stormy Buonantony can’t be real.

Orlando and Philadelphia going with the old Pistons the end theory. Just foul every play. They won’t call them all.

I don’t have Netflix so I can’t watch football.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Nothing good ever comes from fucking around with a white girl.”

not even a full hour after everyone left did i start taking down my christmas decor. not because i was sick of it, but because the post christmas depression is too real.

Lobsters aren’t fish.

I’d like to know more about the welding school gap year.

When the literal sound of unclean audio is best explained by the word POP you might need to huddle up and run it again, stupid.

I had a dream last night that I met Sylvester Stallone and his wife. His hair was kinda blonde, which was surprising, but all I wanted to do is tell him how big a fan Kirk Minihane was of his and how the Rocky movies were some of his favorite movies (as if that was some big revelation). He was a great guy (duh!) and I was about to take a photo with him so I could share with you all on X, but then I woke up damnit. I swear I didn’t even take a gummy before bed. But alas, here’s to a very Merry Christmas to Sly and Kirk as well!

The name “Bregman” means a person who lives near a river or stream. So I’m sure the Charles would work in his favor.

Fun Fact: Bruins defenseman “Terrible” Ted Green set NHL penalty record of 3 minors, 2 majors & 2 game misconducts in a game against NY Rangers in NY’s Madison Square Garden on this day in 1968.

Have you ever met anyone that watches Charlie Moore?

I get all the rapes and pedophilia at Happy Valley, but what an atmosphere going on there during the college football playoffs.

Every time I read Shalise Manza Young’s name I hear Jose Feliciano saying it to the tune of Feliz Navidad:

Shalise Manza Young,
Shalise Manza Young.
She’s not with her family
she’s in Foxboro,
watching Patrick Chung.

Shalise Manza Young.
Shalise Manza Young.
Shalise Manza Young
She went into the baño,
Oh, what have they done?

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas,
It’s just a shame when somebody pisses,
On the seat where the chica sits-es,
And then the crust from the Pizza Huuuuut!

Walker Buehler feels like an excellent addition for the Boston Red Sox. I hope their new starters from Vanderbilt (Buehler) & Tennessee (Garrett Crochet) can get along in Boston.

Tony Brothers looks like someone tried to Grok “Black Pete Abraham.”

Had a Buffalo Chicken Wrap for lunch, could have used more blue cheese tho.

Honk if you remember the last time there was a White Christmas.

Six-time NBA All-Star Jimmy Butler prefers a trade out of Miami ahead of the Feb. 6 deadline according to league sources.

19 pitchers in baseball history have finished the season with exactly 10 wins and 18 losses. The first pitcher ever to do that was Ned Garvin, with the Cubs in 1900. The last pitcher to do it was Jerry Garvin, with the Blue Jays in 1977.

Beyoncé should have had to rope a calf.

I swear a lot of American pro sports teams have teenagers running their social media accounts.

Travis Kelce sounds like he’s trying to make up for Mahomes’ lack of blackness.

Best bet for the weekend: white boy Ladd McConkey.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’m your dream, make you real.