Category Archives: NFL

Football Cat’s Week 6 NFL Picks ’24

Admeowral of the Ocean Seas

Happy Columbus Day/Canadian Thanksgiving/Indigenous Peoples’ Day weekend to all who celebrate. If you’re NOT looking for something to do this weekend, make sure to check out the Fall Event Avoidance Generator. Otherwise make sure to dress warmly whilst you enjoy the foliage train.

Of course I’m having fun. Why do you ask?

SUNDAY TEA TIME
Jaguars at Bears (-2)
The Shaguars love playing in London.

Yeah Baby!

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Cardinals at Packers (-5)
Meat men make mince-meat of pretty Red Birds.

Texans (-7) at Patriots
Rod Rust will be one game closer to popping that heavenly champagne. 1-16 here we come!

They really needed the “Friday Funny” back in 1990

Buccaneers (-3.5) at Saints
Hopefully this win will help the residents of Florida’s Gulf Coast heal.

Commanders at Ravens (-6.5)
Black Birds fend off the Swamp Things.

Murderous Crows!

Browns at Eagles (-9)
Predators over Sexual Predators.

Colts at Titans (-2.5)
Will Levis is tanned and rested, and ready to lead the Titans to another loss.

Put me in, coach

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Chargers (-3) at Broncos
Broncos bust Bolts.

Steelers (-3) at Raiders
Rooneys rout Raiders.

Falcons (-6) at Panthers

It’s a shameful day in the community when the Black Cats lose to a bunch of birds.

Shame!

Lions (-3) at Cowboys
Kings of the Beasts bests the ‘Boys

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Bengals (-3.5) at Giants
Stripey Cats save their season by cutting the Giants down to size.

I can see East Rutherford from up here!

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Bills (-2.5) at Jets
The new coach bounce gets the Jets into a tie for first place in the pathetic AFC East

*Football Cat cannot be held responsible for any loss that maybe be incurred as a result of following the betting tips provided on this site. If you or someone you know has a sports betting or gambling problem, please call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit The National Council on Problem Gambling for more information and further assistance. In Massachusetts call 1-800-327-5050 (MA).

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

The Mystery of the Media and Mayo’s Missing Mutiny

“Right now, they’re teetering on a mutiny in that locker room.”

Yesterday, during the broadcast of the ‘Catch-22’ podcast on the Patriots Podcast Network, (a part of the actual ‘Patriots Media Cartel’) Senior Reporter Evan Lazar offered his assessment of the tenor of the team’s mental state:

Right now, they’re teetering on a mutiny in that locker room. And I don’t want to be alarmist or like hyper, what’s the word?  (Co-host Alex Barth: “Hyperbolic?”)  I don’t want to speak for, yeah, hyperbolic, thank you, I don’t but I was in that locker room after the game on Sunday; the defense is mad at the defense, the offense is mad at the offense, you have young receivers who are literally throwing tantrums on film in Pop Douglas and Ja’Lynn Polk, and good on Pop Douglas owning that this weekend and kind of saying he’s got to be better and all that kinda stuff but I said this before and I’ll say it again you’re at the point now with 52 other guys in that locker room that all watch these two quarterbacks practice every single day and all know that they drafted Drake Maye 3rd overall and at what point in time do some of these guys say to themselves, “Why am I going out there and getting my butt kicked every single Sunday and Drake can’t?  Like what am I going out there with the quarterback who can’t get me the football when we have the Ferrari back in the garage that can get me the football but I’m supposed to, I’m Ja’Lynn Polk and I’m supposed to go run every single route as hard as I can and I’m supposed to lay it all out there?’

A leader of men. Learned the ropes on HMS Optum.

Not a difficult scene to picture for a team that had lost their previous three games after winning their season opener under rookie Head Coach Jerod Mayo. But then something odd occurred:

When the podcast audio had been restored, any reference to ‘mutiny’ had been removed. This had the counterproductive effect of drawing attention to the podcast and the discontent in the locker room. A classic example of the Streisand Effect.

Nice house, Babs.

After this unfortunate gaffe, Evan was doubtless summoned to a meeting with the higher ups:

And after a brief yet productive struggle session, he cheerfully recanted any statements that could be seen as deleterious to the image of the Patriots organizations one big happy collaborative enterprise:

“I got carried away. There is no mutiny in the locker room.
I am being treated well. I have been given a blanket.
The Red Cross will visit me soon with letters from my family.”
“It’s a dang mutanty!”

I will let this summarize our position on the matter, and give IH the last word:

The Cains Mutiny?

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks ’24

Foot. Ball. Cat.

More wins than losses Week 4. How many more? Exactly enough, wise guy. Week Five:

(Bye week teams: Pumas, Plugs, Phils, & Pontoons)

SUNDAY TEA TIME
Jets vs Vikings (-2.5)
Biggest Viking defeat in England since the Battle of Stamford Bridge back in 1066.

Wot wot?

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Panthers at Bears (-4)
Black Panthers haven’t partied like this since the days of Bobby Seale and Huey Newton.

You dig?

Ravens (-2.5) at Bengals
Stripey cats take down scary black birds.

Bills (-1) at Texans
Tatanka topple Texans.

Sorry ’bout that pardner.

Colts at Jaguars (-3)
Spotted cats will need to leave the country to find a win.

Dolphins at Patriots (-1)
Mayo’s mutineers drop Coach Drip.

I’ll take any mutineers nose and hang them by the highest yard marker!

Browns at Commanders (-3)
Mystical fairy men get bogged down in the Maryland malarial swamp.

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Raiders at Broncos (-3)
What do you call a giant hill made of kittens? A meow-tain! (Try the veal, tip your waitresses and take Denver.)

erk!

Cardinals at 49ers (-7.5)
Purrrdy feasts on pretty Red Birds.

Packers (-3.5) at Rams
Meat men master muttons.

Giants at Seahawks (-6)
Fake Sea Birds sasquatch the Giants

Is that BSJ’s John Karalis?

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Cowboys at Steelers (-2.5)
Men of Steel win the Super Bowl X, XIII, and XXX rematches!

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Saints at Chiefs (-5)
After KC wins they will have successfully completed the first quarter of their inevitable march to a perfect season/three-peat.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 4 NFL Picks ’24

Week 3 review. Not as good as week 1, but not as bad as week 2. Acceptable.

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Saints at Falcons (-2.5)
When in doubt, always bet against the bird team.

Rams at Bears (-3)
LA wins the Second City Bowl.

Not the Hollywood hills. Probably.

Vikings at Packers (-2.5)
The Sam Darnold experience comes to its inevitable end.

Steelers (-2) at Colts
Go Horse.

Go Horse!!!

Broncos at Jets (-7.5)
New York nixes Nix

Eagles (-2) at Buccaneers
American birds soar over soggy field conditions.

Bengals (-4.5) at Panthers
Some cat fights are more visually appealing than others (e.g. Lucy vs Taylor). You can avert your eyes from this one. Stripey over black.

Achtung: Panzer!

Jaguars at Texans (-6)
Spotted cats have to win sooner or later. It will be later.

Zzzzz

SUNDAY DINNERTIME
Commanders at Cardinals (-3.5)
Little Red Birds are too tired after their long flight and fall to the Commies.

Patriots at 49ers (-10)
Hopefully the residual Friday Funny effect can carry the locals through the Sunday Sads. Purrrdy pummels Pats.

Browns at Raiders (-2)
Go with the Elves over the Elvis impersonators.

TCB.

Chiefs (-7) at Chargers
Kelce will score 3 TDs as Andy Reid finally cracks open the Taylor Swift playbook.

Wait, what?

SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Bills at Ravens (-2.5)
Hairy cows aren’t afraid of scary Black Birds.

MONDAY EARLY-PROWLTIME
Titans at Dolphins (-1)
Look for the Tits to burst out in Miami.

Jan Hammer Miami Vice theme music intensifies

MONDAY PROWLTIME
Seahawks at Lions (-3.5)
Big Cats bring the Fake Sea Birds down to Earth.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Bonus MV Cat content.

Football Cat’s Week 3 NFL Picks ’24

Mistakes were made.

Yeah, I know. Even the clamdicappers were laughing at how terrible my picks were last week. I probably would have told you the Pats were going to cover the spread versus the Planes Thursday. What can I say? It was a very tough week to be a cat. Plus, I only got 19 hours of sleep the day before. On to this week…

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Giants at Browns (-6.5)
If YOU think some Giants are going to waltz into Elf Land and come away victorious, then I’ve got some magic beans to sell you.

Bears at Colts (-1.5)
Colts clobber Caleb.

Alliteration! Awesome!

Texans (-2) at Vikings
Sam Darnold will be seeing ghosts and stars after this one.

Eagles at Saints (-2.5)
American birds can’t win on American soil. They should keep flying South.

Chargers at Steelers (-1.5)
One Har-bro can beat all your Primanti Bros put together.

French fries and cole slaw INSIDE the sandwich!?!

Broncos at Buccaneers (-6.5)
Fun fact: Bo Nix has the shortest full first and last name combo in NFL history. Hopefully that will assuage his grief after yet another loss.

Packers at Titans (-2.5)
Pack men gobble up tits.

SUNDAY DINNERTIME
Panthers at Raiders (-5)
Black cats ride the Red Rocket to victory!

firework noises!

Dolphins at Seahawks (-4.5)
Fake Sea Birds drop Coach Drip’s Dolphins.

Lions (-3) at Cardinals
Jungle Kings don’t even both trying to find the pretty Red Birds kneecaps, they just devour them whole. A little shakin’, a little tenderizin’ and down they go.

Ravens (-1) at Cowboys
Scary Black Birds open a can of whoop ass at Jerry’s World.

49ers (-6.5) at Rams
Brock Purrrrdy continues to make everyone forget about the worst trade in NFL history.

SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Chiefs (-3) at Falcons
Every fan in attendance gets two bags of chips, two hot dogs and unlimited drink refills. Which is good because they aren’t getting a win.

MONDAY PRE-PROWLTIME
Jaguars at Bills (-5)
Someone needs to ask Trevor who he is tanking for.

WHO ARE YOU TANKING FOR???

MONDAY PROWLTIME ACTUAL

Commanders at Bengals (-7.5)

Stripey cats get off the schneid on their own schedule, very feline of them.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

The BBQ Sundae at the Big E was too much even for me.

Football Cat’s Week 2 NFL Picks ’24

Hey Lama, how about a little something, for you know, the effort?

I hope you set aside some of Week One’s winnings to buy some treats for Football Cat!

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
49ers – 5 vs Vikings Brock Purrrrrdy and the prospectors plunder the Vikings

Chargers -5 vs Panthers Black cats can’t help crossing their own path, get zapped by Chargers.

ZZap!

Colts -2.5 vs Packers Horsies stomp the Meat Men into the unfrozen tundra of Lambeau Field.

Giants vs Commanders -1.5 Pituitaries pound Pol Pots.

Saints vs Cowboys -6 Jerry Jones and his many illegitimate children must have had a good laugh after reading that article about Rub-and-Tug Robert’s Hall of Fame struggles. Jerry’s good time keeps rolling.

Cheshire Cat grin

Browns vs Jaguars -3 Spotty cats devour the mystical fairyland sprites.

Jets -3.5 vs Titans My father Bert Bell tells me that in 1959 this would have been a match-up between the “Titans of New York” and the “Oilers of Houston”. Much like Lucy will ultimately outlast Taylor, the original Tits triumph over the new Tits.

Rrrowwl

Buccaneers vs Lions -7.5 Jungle Kings feast on pirate patellas.

Raiders vs Ravens -9 Scary birds don’t break a sweat.

Caw

Seahawks -3.5 vs Patriots Good thing mean old Bill is gone, otherwise he’d inexplicably replace Malcom Butler as honorary lighthouse keeper at the last minute – with no explanation! WTF! The Mayo-noise will be earsplitting after the Patriots start 2-0.

SUNDAY DINNERTIME
Rams vs Cardinals -1 Male sheep stomp pretty red birds.

Bengals vs Chiefs -5.5 Stripey cats get their first win of the season at Burrowhead.

Me heap big appropriate your culture!

Steelers -2.5 vs Broncos Men of Steel can’t handle the thin air. The mile high horses run wild.

SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Bears vs Texans -6.5 After the he messes with Texas, Calib Williams will be left in tears, seeking solace in the loving embrace of his mother’s arms.

MONDAY PROWLTIME
Falcons vs Eagles -6.5 I love watching birds fight! The American birds prevail and the losers gets in my belly!

You, uh, you white meat or dark meat?

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 1 NFL Picks ’24

Football Cat is back. And not in pog form, losers.

FRIDAY PROWLTIME (bonus)

Packers vs Eagles (-2.5)

American Birds win by default after Corinthians’ ultras hijack the Meat Men’s team bus.

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME

Steelers vs Falcons (-3.5) The Birds of Prey better start praying. The Men of Steel pull off the upset.

Patriots vs Bengals (-6.5) Stripey Cats win in a laugher. Boston beat writers look the other way when offered an extra slice of cold Papa Gino’s pizza and a room temperature Bud Light.

Needs a neon North Star*.

Cardinal vs Bills (-6.5) Red Birds get stampeded by Hairy Cows. Let’s feast on their tasty wings.

Titans vs Bears (-4.5) As stated so eloquently last season: “Tits may be ass.”

Anne Francis, her TV character Honey West had a pet ocelot.

Jaguars vs Dolphins (-3.5) Spotty Cats feast on the Tua Fish.

Jaguars can swim.

Texans (-3) vs Colts Houston will not have a problem.

Panthers vs Saints (-4) To quote Shukri Wright(s) “if you think Carolina is going to win the division, I have a can of corn to sell you!”

Vikings (-1.5) vs Giants Bill Belichick’s dream job may be closer than it appears. Giants lose.

We journey to Jotunheim to battle the frost giants!

DINNER TIME

Raiders vs Chargers (-3) Brother Jim’s charges zap Tom Brady’s Raiders.

Cowboys vs Browns (-2.5) In Enid Blyton’s “Book of Brownies”, a mischievous trio of brownies named Hop, Skip, and Jump attempt to sneak into a party hosted by the King of Fairyland by pretending to be Twirly-Whirly, the Great Conjuror from the Land of Tiddlywinks, and his two assistants.

Dallas prevails.

Broncos vs Seahawks (-6) The False Seabirds win the Russell Wilson Memorial Classic.

Commanders vs Buccaneers (-3.5) Commies keep pace with Patriots in the battle for the first overall pick on the 2025 NFL draft.

OCEANS ARE NOW BATTLEFIELDS

SUNDAY PROWLTIME

Rams vs Lions (-3.5) Big Cats feast on juicy mutton kneecaps. Fetlocks? Lamb hocks?

MONDAY PROWLTIME

Jets vs 49ers (-4.5) Prospectors take down Planes. Achilles tendons may be intact, but hearts are broken throughout Queens.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Ocelots of luck, bettors!

Jerod Mayo: The Emerging Leader Patriots Fans Always Needed

By A.I. Bot Breer:

Foxborough, MA – In a month where the New England Patriots have made headlines with roster shuffles and preseason preparations, one figure has remained a constant in the eyes of the team and its fans: Jerod Mayo. The former linebacker turned coach continues to evolve into a leadership role that many now believe is poised to become more than just defensive coordination — it’s a head coach in waiting. It’s no secret that Bill Belichick has long been grooming Mayo for greater things. Patriots media releases this past month have emphasized Mayo’s involvement not only in defensive schematics but in shaping the entire team’s culture. More than once, Belichick has praised his former Pro Bowler’s football acumen, referring to him as “one of the sharpest minds” to come through the Patriots’ system. But what’s been equally telling is the way Mayo carries himself in the locker room, stepping into a role that goes beyond X’s and O’s.

A Natural Leader

Patriots fans remember Mayo for his tenacity on the field, his ability to dissect offenses as if he were already coaching. Now, as a coach, his instincts are proving even more valuable. Media releases over the past month have highlighted Mayo’s increasing presence during practice, not just with the defense but across the entire roster. In one report, Mayo was seen working closely with young quarterbacks, helping them understand defensive coverages, showing his breadth of knowledge on both sides of the ball. This is where Mayo’s leadership shines. He’s not just building a defense — he’s building a football team. And that’s exactly what this Patriots squad needs in a season filled with question marks. At 37, Mayo is still relatively young by coaching standards, but his command of the locker room is undeniable. According to sources close to the team, players gravitate toward him in a way that reflects both respect and admiration. He’s part strategist, part motivator, and entirely a team-first guy.

The Belichick Blueprint

What makes Mayo’s rise so exciting for Patriots fans is the undeniable parallels to his mentor, Bill Belichick. Like Belichick, Mayo has a meticulous approach to the game. He’s known for breaking down film until the early hours of the morning, and it shows on the practice field. In the latest media release, Patriots personnel commented on how Mayo has taken on more responsibilities, particularly in developing game plans and overseeing all three phases of the game — not just the defense. The Belichick coaching tree is extensive, but few have had the opportunity to learn directly under the greatest coach of all time while playing and coaching. It’s this dual experience that separates Mayo. The Patriots are known for cultivating homegrown talent, and in many ways, Mayo is the epitome of that philosophy.

Subtle.

What’s Next?

So, what does the future hold for Jerod Mayo? It’s not a stretch to say that many around the league view him as a head coach in waiting. With Belichick’s career winding down, Mayo has increasingly become the face of the future in New England. And if the Patriots’ latest media releases are any indication, it’s a future that’s bright. In one interview last week, when asked about his ambitions, Mayo was predictably modest: “I’m just focused on helping this team win games.” But ask anyone in the Patriots organization, and they’ll tell you Mayo’s impact is already evident — and it’s just the beginning.

North Star!

Note: Old Friend ‘Uncle Gizmo’ took a cue from the latest Entitled Town podcast. He input into ChatGPT: “I’d like to create a story in the current style of Albert Breer. It would be a glowing story about New England Patriots coach Jerod Mayo and would use as it’s base Patriots media releases for the last month.” The result is what you see above.

Thoughtful Cards!

Here’s what we think some of the cards might say:

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