The 15

It’s time for the uninterestingly named Round of 32! We will keep all the matches in-region, rather than jump around as in the opening rounds. Two today, two tomorrow. Today concerns Regions N and V. Why? Because we are clearly ‘NVious’ of all these wonderful media personalities, right? Hahahahahahaha!! Polls will remain open until 10 AM EDT tomorrow, Tuesday March 21st. Choose carefully.

Sent to us unbidden from Patrick in Andover del Norte:

Unlike the frauds at the NCAA tournament, the Big Sads selection committee knows a #1 seed when they see/hear one. Massarotti, Gasper, Volin and Felger are expected to glide o’er all, and through all, and easily advance to the Sour Sixteen. The rest of the match-ups have varying levels of intrigue.

Region C.. Dan Lifshatz (4) vs Lou Merloni (9) – It will be interesting to see if Merloni pull another rabbit out of his hat. He might put up a struggle, but Dan Lifshatz should swallow him whole. No shaking, no tenderizing, down Lou goes. Albert Breer (3) vs Andy Hart (6) – Andy Hart will be punching up at Albert Breer, however Bertie will be up to his old tricks and will piss all over Andy’s parade. Tom E Curran (2) vs Jim E Stewart (7) – Hey, did you hear about the dead cat on Mars? Curiosity killed it! Meanwhile back here on Earth, Curran should do us all a favor and kill J-Stew. Maybe not literally, but maybe, possibly.

Region V… Marc Bertrand (4) vs Brian Barrett (12) – If a hot take falls in the forest, and there’s no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? Barrett has awful opinions but, thankfully nobody is listening. He doesn’t have enough gravitas to counter Bertrand’s gravitational pull. Chad Finn (3) vs Mike Giardi (6) – Chad Finn is the biggest enabler in New England, next to my wife. You see, I’m an alcoholic and she said that if I keep drinking, she’ll leave me. Jim Murray (2) vs Jerry Thornton (10) – The clocks strikes 12 for Cinderfella. All Jerry does is hope Bill Belichick still knows what he’s doing, while Big Jim hopes you outlive your children. Jerry may not break double digits.

Region N… Andrew Calahan (5) vs Nick Cattles (13)- If this match-up was happening during football season Callahan may win easily, but in the off-season he goes back to his job guarding bridges. Out of sight out of mind. A vote for Cattles is an in absentia vote for last year’s champion Greg Bedard. Alex Reimer (6) vs Christian Arcand (14) – Does Reimer get creepy “Single White Female” vibes whenever he bumps into DJ Bean? Dan Shaugnessy (2) vs Rich Keefe (7) – Shank is irrelevant. He doesn’t have a regular TV/radio outlet, and the Globe is nice enough to keep his writing locked behind a paywall. Keefe is battling Arcand to see which one of them can be the first person fired from both radio stations. Will they square off in the next round? That’s for YOU to decide.

Region T… Scott Zolak (5) vs Fitzy (13) – Zolak is going to give Fitzy a wet willy and then stuff him in a locker. Kevin F. Paul Dupont (6) vs Gabby Starr Reporter (14) – Gabby is our version of Princeton, which is ironic because Princeton is one of the few Ivy League universities that she doesn’t claim to have attended. Ted Johnson (2) vs Meg Ottolini (10) – Ted Johnson’s synaptic gaps have gotten so wide that Meg will slip right through them and into the Sour Sixteen.

(Round Two will start today at 10 AM EDT. Wicked soon!)

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

The March Sadness Second Round will take place Monday, March 20 and Tuesday, March 21. Enjoy watching collegiate and professional sports in the meanwhile.

Here’s the last bunch of first round matchups, slobberknockers all. Polls to remain open until 10 AM EDT Tomorrow March 14th.

If you have been enjoying this year’s Mediot Tournament, or the one previous, or the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns, or the articles investigating out local sports media, or Reporter Vernon’s various exploits, please consider making a one-time donation. Site registration isn’t free. The Crowdsignal plug-in that tabulates the votes costs money as well. Or visit our The15 Genuine Merchandise page and buy a shirt or a mug maybe? Up to you.

After two days of voting, this is how things stand. And the drama resumes tomorrow, with some big names still to go:

Felger! Gasper! Volin! Zolak! Dondero! Curran! MegO! Thornton! A James and a Jim! Plain Black Hat! Guregian! Hill! Uh, Bertrand! And ADAM KAUFMAN!!

Sent to us from Patrick in Andover del Norte:

I just noticed that voting has started in region T.

Where is it written that the Region T preview has to come out before voting starts?

Mike Felger (1) vs Dan Greenberg (16) Take your time here, no need to leave your keys in a running car to vote on this one. Felger wins in a walk.

Mark Daniels (8) vs Joe Haggerty (9) *** voting underway *** Pork Joe has a harder battle buttoning his shirt every morning. Haggerty (as expected) is cruising to round 2.

Scott Zolak (5) vs Steve Buckley (12) Zolak has ruined more Patriots moments than Eli Manning. Look at this prediction.

Phil Perry (4) vs “Fitzy” (13) Unless the Ancient Order of Hibernians finally wakes up and jails Nicholas Stevens for cultural appropriation, expect “Fitzy” to kickoff a run of upsets.

Kevin Paul Dupont (6) vs Michael F. Hurley (11) The winner gets to keep the losers middle name/initial. Take what’s yours Michael F. Paul Hurley!

Andy Gresh (3) vs Gabby Starr (14) *** voting underway *** Who am I to argue with the voting public. A Starr is born!

Rich Shertenlieb (7) vs Meghan Ottolini (10) In less than two years MegO has destroyed the radio careers of Glenn Ordway, Lou Merloni, and Christian Fauria. Give Meg her flowers and she might repay YOU by taking out Jones and Arcand too. Keep up the good work Meg!

Ted Johnson (2) vs Jared Weiss (15) Ted Johnson walks into a bar and gets another CTE. The upsets stop here, Early Man advances.

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

2023 March Sadness features an embarrassment of worthy candidates looking to take the lead in the never-ending race to the bottom.   In a packed field, Region V is more loaded than Sean McDonough attempting to make Florian Hall a Drive-Thru.   Here’s an armchair analysis of the best region of the worst candidates:

(1) Chris Gasper v. (16) Dakota Randall:   Young Shank is elite effete in triplicate:   A failure on TV, radio, and in print.   The ultimate bad faith pundit with a schtick as predictable as Bonesy Jonezy’s.  Dak Randall covers the Patriots for NESN, the Val-Pak of journalistic entities.  This one is over before it starts.  My vote:  Kid Gaslight

(8) Rob Bradford v. (9) Brian Scalabrine:  Bradford is Boring; the Diet Coke of Mediots.  How does Bradford move the needle unless spittle from his mushmouth does?  Scalabrine The Color Analyst makes one wonder why  an announcer-specific mute button doesn’t exist.  (There’s a thousand dollar idea!)   At the end of the day, Scal or Mushmouth ends up being cannon fodder for Young Shank.   This matchup is more irrelevant than WEEI.  My vote:  Scalabrine And A Mute App

(5) Adam Jones v. (12) Brian Barrett:  On the surface, this one looks easy.  Is it though?   Discount Felger has less range than Marc Bertrand at shortstop (relax, Theo!) and his takes on Boston sports are more predictable than Gerry Callahan’s views on race and politics.   Leaving ratings behemoth 985 The SportsKlan for WEEI with Meg0 and Arrrrrrrrcand demonstrate worse decision making than Drew Bozo.   Bonezy’s show caters to those who don’t like sports and loathe themselves inside and out – I hope you know that.  These individuals should be given a cookie – briefly pitied, then ignored.  As (Not That) Bono once said: Thank God It’s Them Instead Of You.

Barrett’s ascent to the Boston gig at The Ringer is mind-blowing.  He’s a failed WEEI weekend guy once behind Andy fucking Hart on the depth chart (poor, poor Dumbo) that Simmons pulled out of obscurity and into obscurity.   Barrett’s a shoe-pissing, Excel using, self-important ninny that is the polar opposite of the self-loathing Jones:   He genuinely believes he’s smarter than Bill Belichick, Joe Mazzulla, Don Sweeney, and Alex Cora.   He’s not good at his own job, never mind theirs.  Jones is pathetic shtick; he’s Kenny Banya – a terrible comic who once had a great lead-in.  Barrett’s got a voice only a dog-whistle could love (not that dog whistle, Tony Mazz) with an inflated sense of his worth.  Constantly using small sample size statistical “evidence” to shit on the teams he is supposedly pulling for is a particularly joyless approach to covering sports.  A vote for Barrett is a vote by proxy for California Bill.   Think on that. My vote:  Stay Off The Pike – Barrett

(4) Marc Bertrand v. (13) Duke Castiglione:  Like Michael Scott, I can’t decide between a fat joke and a “Can You Believe It?” Joe Castig joke.  My vote:  Bertrand

(6) Mike Giardi v. 11 Jermaine Wiggins:   Giardi’s an under the radar sneaky blow-dried cvnt, a local mediot on a national outlet with less clout and influence than Albert Breer.   Wiggins’ assualt on eardrums makes me wish Rod Rutledge had better hands.  My vote:  Giardi

(3) Charred Finn v. (14) John Karalis:  Finn might be the most revolting of all candidates and a good value pick to win Mediot Madness.  He’s a spineless, cucked apologist for the worst of Boston media – he’s not a critic.  He waited over a week after Tony Massarotti’s racist joke to opine because – according to Charred – the interwebs haven’t yet reached mid-coast Maine.   His 2 paragraph Mazz rebuke/foot massage/apology on a Saturday eight days later was Finn taking the journalistic fetal position.

John Karalis works for Greg Bedard and may be eligible for a seat next to Mel Torme.  My vote:  Charred Finn

(7) Jerry Thornton v. (10) Gary Washburn:  Washburn is someone to keep an eye on:   Joe Mazzulla’s open contempt for his shit-stirring, low IQ questions suggests much higher seeding in future tourneys.   As for Thornton, what’s more rare:   A Boston mediot/shoe-pisser who likes the team he writes about; a Barstool employee over the age of 50; or a person of color allowed on the Felger and Mazz show?   Sorry, Jerry:  despite campaigning for votes, I’m going for the lower downside.  My vote:  Washburn

(2) Jim Murray v. (15) John Zannis:  With a bio like this, John Zannis may be seeded waaaay too low.  And he put the Boston Sports Journal in his LinkedIn bio!  HE PUT THE BOSTON SPORTS JOURNAL IN HIS BIO.  If his LinkedIn avatar is any indication, he also makes fart noises with his mouth.

According to his LinkedIn page: 

“Big Gym” Murray apologized for Tony Massarotti’s racist joke because Big Gym didn’t think it was racist enough.   He wants the children of callers who disagree with him dead.  While many claim they’re playing a role on the air – cosplaying a contrarian, trolling with a take, acting like an asshole for the click or a listen – Big Jim isn’t playing a role.  He’s an irredeemable piece of garbage who wants others to be miserable as he is.  Murray is the worst person on a show with the worst people in Boston media. He deserves your vote and a deep tourney run. 

Murray wants to be Felger for the notoriety. Murray wants to be Massarotti for the paycheck. Murray wants to be Catfucker Jimmy Stewart for the hairline and the pussy. Murray doesn’t need to be disgraced and humiliated by “winning” Mediot Madness. Being Jim Murray already accomplished that.  My vote:  Murray

And that’s just one guy’s opinion.