March Sadness R32 Regional Best 4 Matchups
Closing out the Round of 32, here are the remaining four matchups, one from each of the C-V-N-T Regions. Voting will remain open until 4 PM EDT Tuesday. Good luck to the worst.
Category Archives: Media Criticism
March Sadness R32 Region N and Region T – Subsequent Six
Polls will be open until 4 PM EDT Monday. Turnout for the C & V Regions was, quite frankly, disappointing. Be better.
March Sadness R32 Region C and Region V – First Six
Polls are open! Until 3PM DST EDT Sunday! Don’t forget to vote, or to set your clock ahead!
March Sadness Round of 32 Weekend! (and Monday)
Thirty-two local media members left. Here’s how this will play out:
Six contests begin voting today, another six tomorrow, and on Monday, the matchup from each Region the Selection Committee decided was the most potentially competitive or entertaining.
Region T First Round Results
Ted Johnson & Ben Volin in laughers, Haggs in a squeaker, Breer, Finn, Lifshatz, Reimer, & McCarthy advance.
2022 The15 March Sadness Region T – Round One
This is it, the big magillah. Look at these names; look at them! It’s gonna be tough, but the15 have faith in you, our readers. Courage.
Due to weather, polls will remain open until 6 PM tomorrow, Thursday, March 10th.
Region C First Round Results
2022 The15 March Sadness Region C – Round One
Please cast your votes below. Polls will remain open until 1:30 PM EST tomorrow, March 9th. Everybody have fun tonight!
Region N First Round Results & Region V Predictions
A minor upset in the 8 vs. 9 matchup, apparently to know Marshall Hook is to hate him. Otherwise higher seeds advance.
Here’s ‘Patrick from Andover del Norte’ again;
Region U, I mean Region V, preview…
Dan Shaughnessy (1) vs Ken Laird (16) The only way Laird is pulling off this upset is if he finally bites the bullet and makes the switch to Country 93.7. Short of that, the increasingly irrelevant Dan Shaughnessy advances. Don’t expect a deep tournament run from 2011 Father of the Year.
Duke Castiglione (8) vs Hardy (9) Did you know that Hardy isn’t his real name? He’s actual Robert Poole. Did you know that Duke’s first name is actually Joseph? Joe Castiglione Jr has a better nom de guerre than Rob Poole. In this tournament that means Bobby Poole pulls off the minor upset. If anyone knows where he’s working now, please congratulate him.
Kevin Paul Dupont (5) vs Jimmy Stewart (12) There must be a lot of cat fanciers on the selection committee. How else can you explain the low seeding for the feline fetishist? I’m not even sure if KPD is still alive. Sorry TICA members, even the least athletic man on the planet can’t lose to a dead guy. J Stew to Round 2.
Fred Toucher (4) vs Jermaine Wiggins (13) Is Fred the zookeeper with the plain black hat or the one with the spindly arms? Both, neither, who cares? It’s amazing that the dominant morning drive program in a sports crazed region is hosted by such a banal, carpetbagging milquetoast on-air personality. Speaking of toast, Wiggy was the toast of the town 20 years ago, and now he’s a spot performer on Radio Titanic’s morning show. You can’t get much sadder than that. Wiggins advances.
DJ Bean (6) vs Mutt Mutnansky (11) DJ Bean wants to be an irritant. DJ Bean thinks he’s pulling the wool over your eyes. DJ Bean likes to pretend to be ambiguous in the hopes that someone will take the bait. DJ Bean craves attention. DJ Bean doesn’t escape the first round. Mutt keeps clinging to his media aspirations, and he can keep clinging on into round two.
Chris Gasper (3) vs Sean McAdam (14) These two put the sad in March Sadness. Kid Gas left the dying print media for the bright lights of television, quickly failed at narrating highlights, and had to scurry back to the Globe. McAdam works for Greg Bedard, although since he most likely isn’t getting paid, McAdam should really be classified as a volunteer. Gasper matriculates to the subsequent echelon.
Rich Keefe (7) vs Meg Ottolini (10) Rich Keefe wears baseball batting gloves when he plays wiffleball. Sad. People are constantly telling Meg-O how funny she is, and she believes them. Sadder. Ottolini moves on.
Ron Borges (2) vs Christian Arcand (15) On a day when they could have seeded other irrelevant dinosaurs like Eddie Andelman or Bob Ryan, the committee made disgraced plagiarist Ron Borges a 2 seed, a man who once knocked the hat off the head of a crippled boxing writer, and who claims that, if they had gone to school together, he would have taken all of Bill Belichick’s quarters. Christian Arcand, better luck next year. Ronny the Portuguese Man o’ War advances.
Touts on Louts, Part Two
Continuing, here’s Old Friend ‘Mike on Route One’:
TED JOHNSON
Why he’ll win
After failing to make the previous tournament, Ted capped off a shocking regular season with a 2 seed in the T region thanks to his scorching hot Patriots takes. He faces off against giant killer “DeathCat” Michael Holley in the first round, a mediot who features such pelts as Dale Arnold and Glenn Ordway on his wall. Not exactly your typical 15 seed. If Ted can avoid falling into Holley’s famed “repeat 2x” offense he has a real shot at making it to the round of 16 thanks to a cupcake Perillo/Yellow Teeth McCarthy matchup in the second round.
Why he won’t win
This region is absolutely loaded. As we know, experience matters. It’s a talent game in March and either Bert Breer or Ben Volin loom in the regional final. Additionally, like heavy armor in Ukrainian mud, are we even sure how his neck bolts will hold up once the sledding gets tough against the iron of this field? Make more disjointed metaphors.
CHRIS GASPER
Why he’ll win
Gasper had an incredible regular season and endured a lot of turmoil to get here. Even with the distraction of changing “jobs”, Chris managed to stay pot committed to his Mac Jones takes. His wildly entertaining style of takes – Phi Synonym-a – has endeared him to fans this past year. But somehow, the committee did not reward him with a higher seed. Despite this, his first round matchup against Sean McAdam, who I’m not even sure is still in sports, is a walkover. From there, he will move on to face, in all likelihood, DJ Bean in the round of 32. Mothers lock up your daughters, this matchup is going to be a dog fight, a phone booth game, and played in a very dark place. (and I don’t mean a vineyard Night) Whoever emerges from this will have proven that they can take a pounding. Look for Gasper to come out on top.
Why he won’t win
The voters are very much committed to legacy. Dan Shaughnessy is human vomit, obviously. But has he done enough this year to merit the generous seeding? (Dan is, of course, a generous seeder himself) It’s tough to envision a scenario where Kid Gas goes toe-to-toe with Shank. It might be closer than you think but it doesn’t feel like it’s Chris’ time yet. He’s going to come at the king, so he best not miss. (note: I’ll bet you a free TruCoat that Chris has tweeted some variation of “best not miss” because he’s an erudite consumer of high culture like The Wire, but also, he has a significant amount of “street cred” as they call it.) Sadly, for this single ploy pinto, he won’t make it to the Final Four.
ANDY GRESH
Why he’ll win
Let it not be said that Moe Gresh doesn’t have big game experience. The man played with his hand in the dirt and in his nose. When you’ve competed at the highest levels of football (Rhode Island) and you almost beat Hofstra that one time, your resume speaks for its flippin’ self. What kind of cat is Gresh? One that knows how to win.
Why he won’t win
A 2 seed!? A 2 seed!? (you should read that in the incredulous Michael Holley voice) The committee must have had a bad ice cube whilst seeding the N region. Even if he manages to squeak by the Greek Freak John Karalis, he’s headed for a buzzsaw in the most underseeded mediot of the tourney, one Tom E Curran. This is just a bad matchup for Gresh. Curran is peaking at the right time (the last six years) and Gresh is giving time and temp with a mumbling Rick Teef.
FITZY
Why he’ll win
Speaking of Greeks, he’s by far the best Hellenic-masquerading-as-a-Mick in the entire field. Fitzy is a real riser, a stretch 4 (see because his face looks like pulled taffy) who could make some noise in the early rounds. If you didn’t think the committee had a sense of humor, look no further than the laugh riot matchup in the round of 32 between Fitzy and Big Gym Murray. Like Rickles and Pryor in their primes. There’s no love – or scally caps – lost when these two get together.
Why he won’t win
Fitzy? More like can’t-fit-see-him-advancing-to-the-sweet-sixteen.
LOU MERLONI
Why he’ll win
Wanna see him pull a deep run out of his hat? The Fabulous Merloni, back for another run. His hair is the same natural color as another proven March winner, Coach K. He’s had historical success in the poles [sic] and the Big Dance. (The Mashpee Ballet)
Why he won’t win
What? You don’t think he’s gonna win the whole damn thing? Sniff. Ok. Ok. Fine. Sure. You’re gonna bet against the guy who has to matchup against the overall 1 seed who is currently stomping his dick 24-3 in the ratings? Ok. Fine. Sure. Sniff.
The 15 