Category Archives: 2025

03/12/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Hang it in the Louvre, or the Boston Sports Museum.

With Khusnutdinov and Jokiharju coming to Boston and Sophia Jurksztowicz returning, Jack Edwards retired just in time.

Sam Hauser has lowkey played some good defense against LeBron James.

I’m sure Lucy will land on her back.

Speaking of thriving, I just saw Blake Griffin in a Red Lobster commercial. Mixed-race athletes DO love cheddar bay biscuits. My grandpa was right.

Daylight Savings Time came outta nowhere this year huh?

Marchand, Carlo & Coyle traded. Always tough when a good sound bite guy leaves.

I like Kornet, but sometimes he has hands like Johnny Tremain.

Jeff Howe is my go-to insider because I like my free agent news confirmed slightly later than everyone else.

Cakes are cooking for Barbara Feldon, Johnny Rutherford, John Paul Sr, Frank Welker, Liza Minelli, Mitt Romney, James Taylor, Bill Payne, Caren Kaye, Carl Hiaasen, Dale Murphy, Steve Harris, Courtney B Vance, Darryl Strawberry, Titus Welliver, Fran Harris, Steve Finley, Steve Levy, Aaron Eckhart, Jake Tapper, Isaiah Rider, Ben Kenney, Casey Mears, Claudio Sanchez, Cristina Teuscher, Tara Mounsey, and Dont’a Hightower.

NBA players have to grow a backbone and tell their sneaker company “No, I will not wear your pink sneakers. I’m wearing purple for Chrissakes!”

It will be weird not hearing Godchaux complain about his contract during Training Camp.

You know who else was 33 when they died? That’s right. Chris Farley.

Hey gang of the moderately unsuccessful, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “When you’ve achieved nothing, what else is there?”

I’m probably really late but Ryan Seacrest hosts the Wheel?

The Krafts have better set some weight room renovation and AirKraft wi-fi retrofit money aside.

Green Line D & E Branch: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a signal problem near Lechmere. Trains may stand by at stations.

Hirohito had an early lead, too.

I find humor in the fact that I’m in better shape than one of the best players in the NBA. Looking at you Luka.

My advice? Waste your money on other things.

Sources: Boston Celtics Director of Scouting Remy Cofield is leaving the NBA to become the GM for the Arkansas athletic department.

Last week’s performance is gonna make Trevor Story’s inevitable season-ending injury that much more exciting!

Hearing whispers the economy is much more reasonable in Iowa.

Imagine having to get up and go to work the day after you try to fight a mascot at a hockey game.

Van Lith is Dutch for yes please.

JJ Redick looks like the front man for a Maroon 5 cover band.

I’ve always been apprehensive about doing the tap to pay credit card thing at stores, but I tried it today and holy cow – Absolute game changer! So much better than the swipe or insert.

No matter where you go
I will always be around
Won’t you tell me what you found, girl?
Ooh, girl, want you

Knock down the old grey wall
Be a part of it all
Nothing to say, nothing to see, nothing to do

If you would give me all
As I would give it to you
Nothing would be, nothing would be, nothing would be

No matter where you go
There will always be a place
Can’t you see it in my face, girl?
Ooh, girl, want you.

Vegas/The State typically always wins against individuals.

New lunch options at the Ninety-Nine?

Wait, Porzingis has an actual virus, and not the Hellenic Flu? Huh.

Honk if you remember Peanut Butter Twix.

Both Lipscomb and North Alabama are infinitely better than High Point.

New look B’s 2-0? Someone go tell the Performative Bruins Whores that Marchand and Coyle were cancers.

Maybe we could just move the clocks 1 minute at a time for 60 days?

St Mary’s going to be dangerous in the NIT.

Of course Stolen Valor Jerry owns some Salute to Service gear.

The original ‘Suits’ wasn’t set in LA before?

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox earn a W over the Twins edging closer to the Mayor’s Cup.

Ibid.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Best of luck and God Bless.

And a happy birthday to actress Jaimie Alexander.

2025 March Sadness Round 1 Day 1 Preview

Preview!

Region C

5 Andy Hart vs 12 Tom Carroll
UPSET ALERT! Tommy Freezepops will release his inner fat slob (who is destined to resurface at a moment’s notice) and squash mighty mite Dumbo Hart like the little cockroach he is.

3 Jim Murray vs 14 Evan Lazar
Lazar made a strong push over the weekend when he incorrectly reported that Myles Garrett had been given permission by the Browns to seek a trade, and then after his followers pointed out he was incorrect, he quickly – without admitting the error – pivoted to a slightly altered stance so he could still appear “right”. A complete weasel move by the Lizard. However Jim Murray is truly a odious human being with no redeeming qualities and will win this match up in a landslide.

6 Brian Scalabrine vs 11 Drew Carter
The Mike Gorman Memorial match-up, where you, yes YOU, get to determine who is to blame for the sharp drop in the quality of Celtics broadcasts! We’d tell you how Scal thinks this one is going to turn out, but given Scal’s horrific record at replay review predictions, you’d already know the result. (Pssst, Scal is confident that Drew pulls off the upset.)

Region V

8 Jerry Thornton vs 9 Doug Kyed
Last fall Jerry buried two of his brothers. Today he buries Kyed.

6 Jimmy Stewart vs 11 Matt McCarthy
McTeethy should be a nervous as cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Although most intelligent cats would rather be in a room full of rocking chairs than in a room with J-Stew.

Region N

4 Mike Giardi vs 13 Michael Holley
“It’s Girardi not Girardi, idiot.”

6 Nick Cattles vs 11 Mike Kadlick
Kadlick was last year’s Cinderella story, but this year it’s pumpkin head Cattles who gets to dance with Prince Charming.

Region T

1 Marc Bertrand vs 16 Joe Murray
Joe Murray seems seriously underrated as a 16 seed, but he has no chance in this battle of the behemoths. Bertrand swallows him whole.

4 Tony Massarotti vs 13 Matt Vautour
I’m not really familiar with Vautour’s work but I’m willing to believe it stinks. I’m all too familiar with Mazz’s work and I know it’s terrible.

3 Cerrone Battle Ackerman vs 14 Rob “Hardy” Poole
YOU didn’t think Ackerman should even be in this tournament! YOU thought the fact that he lives in podunk North Carolina and is completely out of touch with the Boston sports scene would be grounds for exclusion. Now YOU can’t wait to vote for him.

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

2025 March Sadness Wild Card Round Preview

Good morning local sad sacks! You lost an hour of sleep yesterday, boo hoo. Cheer up buttercup, because there’s no better time to kickoff the 2025 March Sadness tournament than when you’ve got a case of the Mondays.


Region C
#10 Jeff Howe vs Meghan Ottolini
Jeff Howe somehow avoided another medical exemption, although the committee are currently submitting a FOIA requests to breach Jeff’s HIPPA HIPAA shield. Meghan Ottolini deftly dodged the Audacy ax man a few days, possibly based on her Celtics insider status but most likely due to the fact that she is on an expiring guaranteed contract. Why pay Meg-O to do nothing at home when you can pay her to do nothing at TD Garden?

Prediction: Jeff Howe once again fights off an early exit

Jeff is going to outlive Upton


Region V
#11 Matt McCarthy vs Bobby Manning
Matt McCarthy has been at 98.5 for almost 12 years now, and I challenge anyone to pick him out of a lineup of the menagerie of freaks they employ as phone screeners. But at least I know where McTeethy works, I honestly had never heard of Bobby Manning before the brackets came out. Whenever I don’t recognize a mediot’s name the first thing that springs to mind is “they must work at CLNS Media”. Nailed it! Apparently he covers the Celtics along with about 3 or 4 other interchangeable millennial hipster doofuses.

Prediction: McCarthy chews up Manning


Region N
#9 Brian Barrett vs Jared Weiss

It would be harder to find two more irrelevant combatants in any tournament duking it out for a 9 seed. Noted shoepisser Brian Barrett, host of “Off My Radar”, was neutered when the Celtics won #18. He is facing off against the Athletic/New York Times NBA correspondent Jared Weiss. Jared got a new title back in September. He’s not just covering the Celtics anymore, now he’s covering the entire Eastern Conference. If the promotion was meant to help his exposure, it isn’t working. The page views for his February/March articles (in reverse chronological order) are 46, 25, 113, 39, 42 and a whopping 13. The “Old Gray Lady” must be pulling her hair out.

Prediction: Barrett has one or two more hate listeners than Weiss has readers


Region T
#7 Pete Abraham vs Kayla Burton

Sensitive sentient garden gnome Pete Abraham must have finally blocked everyone on Twitter because now he’s solely sharing his thoughts on BlueSky. Kayla Burton is the new kid on the block over at NBC Sports Boston. She seems fine, so you’re probably wondering how on Earth could Kayla ever defeat the universally disliked (and probably smelly) Pete Abe? Well you must not be aware that if Kayla is victorious, she will square off in a Round 1 steel caged father-daughter death match with her dad, STEVE BURTON. Will it be Patricide/Filicide, or will Pete Abe face the dreaded Burton-Burton double dip? It’s up to YOU to decide.

Prediction: The people get Burton vs Burton

The children always suffer the most

Patrick is from Andover del Norte.

March Sadness Tournament Five Timer’s Club

Let’s hear it for these local media ‘personalities’ who have been involved in this tournament since its inception. Some obvious names, and some unexpected ones. Might one of them finally take home the crown?

Pete Abraham

Christian Arcand

Marc Bertrand

Albert Breer

Trenni Casey

Kevin F. Paul Dupont

Michael Felger

Chad Finn

Christopher Gasper

Mike Giardi

Joe Haggerty

Andy Hart

Adam Jones

Rich Keefe

Tony Massarotti

Jim Murray

Bob Ryan

Dan Shaughnessy

Jerry Thornton

Fred Toucher

Scott Zolak

2025 March Sadness Tournament Bracket

If some of the seedings seem strange to you, there’s a reason for that, and possibly a good reason. We have instituted a few rule changes regarding the top seeds this year. One- only one top seed allowed per media outlet. Two- if the media member has been a multiple time #1 Seed and not won the championship, they cannot be a top seed this go around, And Three- If you are a #1 seed and lost to a #16 last tournament, you are similarly ineligible to be a top seed.

Dua Lipa also has New Rules.

 Play -in Games Region C 10 Seed Jeff Howe vs wild card Meghan Ottolini (WEEI/Celtics), Region V 11 Seed Matt McCarthy vs wild card Bobby Manning (CLNS), Region N 9 Seed Brian Barrett vs wild card Jared Weiss (The Athletic)., and Region T 7 Seed Pete Abraham vs wild card Kayla Burton (NBCSB).

Play in games will be on Monday, March 10th. The rest of the field will begin on Tuesday, then Thursday and Friday of next week.

03/05/2025 Cleaning Up the Sports Junk Drawer

“Faith and Begorrah! I hope that wasn’t your logo-stompin knee, boyo.” (Artist’s Depiction.)

Has Joel Embiid considered Nugenix? Could help with the knee pain. Plus, she’ll like it too!

And Kyrie now as well? Why do bad things happen to good people?

I’ll be honest: I heard a hack man died and thought we finally lost Jerry Thornton.

Bob Kraft hand-picked a guy 5 years ahead of time to replace the GOAT and he may never coach again. Beautiful stuff.

Man, the world lost so many titans of the film industry in the last year.

Oh good! The NBAs leading fake intellectual (maybe number 2 behind his buddy in Dallas) teaming up with TVs leading fake scientist to make a fucking sneaker. Yippee.

Thank you for your service, Trent Frederic.

You’re telling me that Josh couldn’t figure out a way to use Deebo?

One of the more underrated shots in the league is the wing taking the running hook off of a eurostep when attacking a closeout. A lot of guys get the open lane to attack one-on-one and they have to do a step through to a contested 5-footer, but so many miss it a lot.

I had no idea that Mexico has a woman president. Did you know?

Cakes are cooking for Fred Williamson, Randy Matson, Murray Head, Kent Tekulve, Eddy Grant, Marsha Warfield, Penn Jilllette, Charlie Reid, Craig Reid, Michael Irvin, John Frusciante, Eva Mendes, Wally Szczerbiak, Karolina Wydra, Dan Carter, Jake Lloyd, Kyle Schwarber, Taylor Hill, Justin Fields, and Beatrice Chebet.

It’s great having Dale back around, but every time I see him, I tend to think of Sophia and hope she’s doing ok.

Hey gang of Ramadan reflectors! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Number 8 on the court, number 20 on your hijacker manifest…BASHEEEEEER JIHAAAAAD!”

Could Adrien Brody play the lead in the Brad Marchand biopic?

All the original New York Dolls are now dead.

Green Line C Branch Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Cleveland Circle and Coolidge Corner due to an overhead wire problem near Brandon Hall.

I’m just saying, Bill Nye has been suspiciously quiet on his whereabouts during Gene Hackman’s death.

Despite hailing from Albany, Abbey Buttacavoli can’t be a more Rhode Island name.

If you have more money, you can buy more things.

One time I got a bag of broccoli florets and it was all stumps. My wife complained and Birdseye sent us $20 in coupons.

‘Fucking Dart Adams?’ That’s historian, journalist, lecturer, and Boston Native Fucking Dart Adams to you

News Item: Bill Belichick and UNC in negotiations be featured on Offseason Hard Knocks after NFL Films could not find an NFL team to do it after the Joe Schoen debacle last year.

Fun Fact: I saw The Joe Schoen Debacle play The Rat back in ’93.

One year from today we will have World Baseball Classic 2026 games.

Lil Jerry falls back on what he knows in times of crisis: being horrifyingly unfunny.

Brazil nuts are rich in Selenium.

This Gene Hackman loss won’t feel real until I read Rear Admiral’s paint-by-numbers obit on Barstool.

When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you
When I go out, yeah, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk, well, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And If I haver, hey, I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s havering to you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door.

[inarticulate Scottish noises]

Hard Knocks probably objected to the costs of needing dedicated production assistants to shoo Jordon out of every shot. And Lombardi, too.

Dybantsa? What is that? Dutch?

Listen it’s a terrible tweet. But, have faith in Dutch’s plan.

Just looked at Gasper’s Twitter bio. He describes himself as a “car geek.” lol What’s he driving, the car from ‘The Ambiguously Gay Duo?’

Honk if you remember Torvill and Dean.

Word going around: Padres superstar Fernando Tatis Jr. is considering hiring Bad Bunny’s Rimas group to personally manage him (for marketing and maybe more)

EDM has derailed many careers.

Is there any other spy series equal to “The Americans”?

Truly amazing the same people who reveled in the hit piece on Belichick and the complete undermining of him in his final year are now acting insulted and surprised Robyn Glazer has gotten the media machine turned on her. You were okay with it 14 months ago.

When do we get Lenny Clarke’s appearance in the new Celtics documentary?

The Kansas City Chiefs are trading 4x Super Bowl champion Joe Thuney to the Chicago Bears, sources say.

Is rain ever described as anything other than “much needed?”

Happy Ash Wednesday to all my mackerel snappers out there. You guys better take on Lent like a hero. None of this “I won’t have sprinkles on my ice cream” bs. Real penance, real suffering.

Best bet for the weekend: Revs score a goal in their match at Philadelphia.

And happy birthday to singer and songwriter Madison Beer.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Give it away, give it away, give it away now.

Blonde. Bouncy. Bianca.

March Sadness 2025 Field of Contestants Announcement

Attention, please! All those having business before the Tournament Selection Committee of The15net dot com division of The Local Collaborative, take care and know the following will comprise the Field of 68 in the 5th Annual Mediot Madness/March Sadness Tournament:

Peter Abraham (Globe) Christian Arcand (WEEI) Brian Barrett (The Ringer) Alex Barth (98.5) Cerrone Battle (98.5) Marc Bertrand (98.5) Rob Bradford (WEEI) Albert Breer (NBCSB) Steve Burton (WBZ) Andrew Callahan (Herald) Tom Caron (NESN) Jared Carrabis (NESN/98.5/Underdog) Tom “Freeze Pops” Carroll (WEEI) Drew Carter (NBCSB) Trenni Casey (NBCSB) Nick Cattles (CLNS/98.5) Courtney Cox (WEEI) Chris Curtis (WEEI) Mark Daniels (MassLive) Mark Dondero (98.5) Kevin Paul Dupont (Globe) Mike Felger (98.5) Chad Finn (Globe) Chris Forsberg (NBCSB) Chris Gasper (Globe/98.5) Mike Giardi (BSJ) Dan Greenberg (Barstool) Karen Guregian (MassLive) Joe Haggerty (BSJ) Andy Hart (WEEI) Michael Holley (NBCSB) Jeff Howe (The Athletic) Greg Hill (WEEI) Ted Johnson (WEEI) Adam Jones (WEEI) Mike Kadlick (CLNS) Rich Keefe (WEEI) Doug Kyed (Herald) Taylor Kyles (CLNS) Evan Lazar (Patriots) Dan Lifshatz (98.5) Jackie MacMullan (Kraft Dynasty LLC) Tony Massarotti (98.5) Sean McAdam (MassLive) Matt McCarthy (98.5) Kendra Middleton (98.5) Jim Murray (98.5) Joe Murray (98.5) Dave O’Brien (NESN) Phil Perry (NBCSB) Rob “Hardy” Poole (98.5) Mike Reiss (ESPN) Bob Ryan (CLNS) Brian Scalabrine (NBCSB) Dan Shaughnessy (Globe) Christopher Smith (MassLive) Gabrielle Starr (Herald) Nick “Fitzy” Stevens (WEEI) Jimmy Stewart (98.5) Jerry Thornton (Barstool) Fred Toucher (98.5) Matt Vautour (MassLive) Gary Washburn (Globe) Scott Zolak (98.5)

Wild Cards – Meghan Ottolini (WEEI/Celtics) Kayla Burton (NBCSB) Bobby Manning (CLNS) Jared Weiss (The Athletic). These contestants will be in the four ‘play-in games’ prior to the First Round matchups.

Brackets to be announced Thursday of this week.

(note – Though technically re-eligible, John Tomase, having no platform at this time is unable to compete.

(The Selection Committee reserves the right to substitute a new contestant for any and all Audacy employees who may be laid off on Thursday & are slated to participate in this tournament.)

02/26/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

“Teddy ‘Cancer Face’ O’Neil was once one of the most feared men in South Boston. Now, however, with his body worn down from a 35-year battle with melanoma and lupus, he discusses what it was like to be a member of the Winter Hill Gang.”

I say the Competition Committee should reach a compromise: ban the Tush Push but keep The Brotherly Shove.

Walking around Montreal during/after a blizzard is a great workout.

Do birds like cheese?

They might have support groups for those who listen to spring training baseball on the radio.

Garden crowds are the best.

Let’s be real. The Canadian flag would make for a terrible bikini.

St. John’s is the best hoops team in New York.

A belated R.I.P. to figure skating legend Dick Button. He is survived by his partner, Clit Zipper.

Cakes are cooking for Bill Duke, Mitch Ryder, Michael Bolton, Connie Carpenter-Phinney, Joe Mullen, Dave Palone, J.T. Snow, Meeno Peluce, Sasha Danilovic, Erykah Badu, Jenny Thompson, Marshall Faulk, Chad Urmston, Corinne Bailey Rae, Katherine Hull Kirk, and Li Na.

The first a capella “Sweet Caroline” of the year always gets me.

Dan Lifshatz and Kendra Middleton have the chemistry of a Hollywood producer and the young actress he violates on the casting couch.

Hey gang of haters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m gonna go ahead and take the under.”

Patrick Schwarzenegger is on ‘The White Lotus?’ Any relation?

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while Signal personnel perform maintenance between Maverick and Airport. Trains may stand by at stations.

Bill Simmons invented the documentary.

Imagine being mad the NY Yankees did away with their stupid appearance policy.

In the future, everyone will be Ted Sarandis for fifteen minutes.

Matthew Stafford’s exploration of his market value the last few weeks has indeed attracted significant interest from teams, notably the Raiders and the Giants, per sources. Teams are anticipating the Rams will now be driving up the asking price if they decide to move him.

Statistically, Nelson Cruz and Giancarlo Stanton are pretty much the same player.

The Oscars have to be the Super Bowl for Twitter.

Who’s has more fatalities since 1975: SNL cast members or Pittsburgh Steelers linemen?

Shout out Portugal!

The Yankees will no longer play Frank Sinatra’s “Theme from New York, New York” after losses, the club confirmed. Instead, there will be a rotating selection of songs — Sinatra’s “That’s Life” was played today.

Wearin’ her perfume, Chanel no. 5
Got to be the finest girl alive.
She walks real cool, catches everybody’s eye.
She’s got such good lovin’ that they can’t say goodbye.
Not too skinny, she’s not too fat.
She’s a real humdinger and i like it like that.
She’s the devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress,
Devil with the blue dress on.
Devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress,
Devil with the blue dress on.

Sixers have like four guys going with the Frederick Douglass cut.

Honk if you remember Margo Adams.

Johnny Cash is overrated.

Does Pete Blackburn have the Little Sads?

I was kinda hoping Diana Taurasi would delay her retirement announcement long enough to deprive another player deserving of a spot in the next Olympics.

The 4 Nations Face-off? A cute, fun tournament, but doesn’t compare to the Miracle on Ice.

Dan Hurley knows he can shut the fuck up every now and then, right?

Also, Jay Glazer has devolved into a Dick Tracy villain or the henchman of some megalomaniac.

Emily Kaplan, is she Amish?

Everyone look at Gronk. He needs attention.

I can handle a couple seasons of a rebuild, Bruins. Do what you gotta do.

Best bet for the weekend: more load management for Cooper Flagg.

Headband game!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Because you’re mine. I walk the line.

And a happy birthday to Aussie actress & model Teresa Palmer.

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