Category Archives: 2023

Football Cat’s Week 11 NFL Picks

I would have probably picked the Stripey Cats for Thurrsday’s game. Good thing I didn’t make a pick. Hey Burrow, cats land on their feet, not on their wrists.

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME

Cowboys (-10.5) at Panthers

Big Blacks Cats get their ninth loss. To correspond with the nine lives cats have.

Steelers at Browns (-1)

Trickster Browns edge their way by Pittsburgh.

Much better than a stupid ‘dawg’ mascot.

Bears at Lions (-7.5)

Lions too tough on their home field turf. Which just happens to be FieldTurf.

This might be Photoshopped.

Chargers (-3) at Packers

Tundra insufficiently frozen for the Pack to beat the Plugs.

Cardinals at Texans (-5)

Is Matt Houston on PlutoTV? Season 1 Episode 13 – The Purrfect Crime – When a cat food mogul is found mauled to death by a domesticated tiger, his four ex-wives retain Matt’s services so they can receive proceeds from the will. That sounds entertaining! The same can’t be said of this game, which the Texans will win.

L-R C.J. Parsons, Esq., Matlock ‘Matt’ Houston

Titans at Jaguars (-7)

Spotted Big Cats get over on Coach Vrabes squadron.

Raiders at Dolphins (-13.5)

Porps might not win by two touchdowns but will indeed win.

SUNDAY SUNSET

Giants at Commanders (-9)

Not sure if any Giants QB can toss the pigskin over the Potomac. Washington all the way.

What a dignified feline.

Buccaneers at 49ers (-12)

The Bay Area is running out of sports teams. The Prospectors are staying, and winning.

Jets at Bills (-7)

Bills are the best.500 team in the league. Jets are aiming for .500. Bisons prevail.

Seahawks (-1) at Rams

False Seabirds and Horned Sheepies tie.

SUNDAY PROWLTIME

Vikings at Broncos (-2.5)

Vikings gonna Viking.

We come from the land of the ice and snow, From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow. The hammer of the gods.

MONDAY NIGHT

Eagles at Chiefs (-3)

Eagles get the unsatisfying ‘Super Bowl rematch during the regular season’ win.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

11/15/2023 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Hamburgs in Frankfurt. (photo from MassLive.)

Hire more guys who were on the 2013 team, Red Sox.

I’d rather have a player who makes sure you don’t need a last-second shot to win the game because he made sure you won by ten, but you have your opinion too, I guess.

Kudos to Megan Rapinoe for her commitment to Achilles tendon injury equity.

Patriots need to win seven in a row to get right back into this thing.

If he had only waited 10 months, Joansie could have parachuted into Rich’s spot and been part of a top-rated show.

Is Jack Jones taking a Fung Wah to Vegas? Airports don’t seem to be his thing.

Could’ve had the greatest flyover of all time in the Patriots-Colts game, every NATO nation was in the color guard, have every NATO nation take part in a flyover.

What NFL team is gonna hire Deion Sanders to be their HC in the off-season?

Cakes are cooking for Petula Clark, Sam Waterston, Anni-Frid Lyngstad, Joe Leeway, Kevin Eubanks, Greg Anthony, Natalia Medvedeva, Chad Kroeger, Virginie Ledoyen, Lorena Ochoa, Lofa Tatupu, Shailene Woodley, and Trevor Story.

Maybe instead of Orlovsky, Mac could have found a good QB to confide in?

NO SPOILERS! The Marvels was so good! Breezy, light, funny, good story. One of the better MCU entries in a while! Really fun time at the movies.

Hey gang of simpletons, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Didn’t say it was easy. Just not complicated.”

How can play-by-play be out context?

You know you’ve crushed branding your podcast network when you need to include a parenthetical on how to pronounce it.

Red Line Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Park Street from 8:45 PM to the end of service, November 15-16, as well as the entire weekend of November 18-19, due to track work.

It’s great that noted Jets fan Rich Eisen did precisely zero research on the roster before calling a Patriots broadcast seen around the globe.

The problem with discussing racism within the NASCAR fandom is that y’all rarely include commentary from the people who are being targeted by that. That’s why some of y’all never believe it’s happening, because you personally didn’t experience it and don’t listen to those who do.

Some good Rule 5 talk on the timeline.

Apparently not following @StoolGreenie isn’t enough. I guess I need to mute or block him in order to not see a 40 something year old Celtics fan get in twitter fights every day with teenage Celtics fans under my ‘For you’ tab.

Protect Iman Vellani at all costs.

Nothing more frustrating for an insider than when you have breaking news sitting in your phone and you don’t see it, or worse don’t look because you’re not anticipating it (like today). So if you’re a source on the TL & I don’t respond, it’s because I didn’t see it. Y’all know this. Lol. Call me. My phone is not glued to my ear every waking minute. Lawd.

You better leave my kitten all alone.
You better leave my kitten all alone.
Well, I told you, big, fat bulldog.
You better leave her alone,

You better leave my kitten all alone.
You better leave my kitten all alone.
This dog is gonna get you.
If you don’t leave her alone.

Will Smith’s career has been going great since he faked that Chris Rock slap!

As has been stated over and over: These in-season tournament courts are doing their job. You know these games are unique.

Honk if you remember Peanut Butter Twix.

Every new business in Boston would love to have the publicity that’s been showered on the opening of Central Perk. What is that all about?

It was a different era, yes, but Frank Howard struck out LESS than many contemporary power hitters, including Willie Stargell, Dick Allen, Barry Bonds, Reggie Jackson and Mike Schmidt, if Schmidt is considered contemporary.

A: Vineyard Nights.

Anyone making a practice turkey dinner in advance of Thanksgiving? Let us know in the comments.

Williams, Smart, Brogdon. All injured. Brad is 3 for 3.

Does Pluto TV have an ‘Ask the Manager’ show where people beg for more Hogan’s Heroes?

I’ve watched dozens of Eras Tour livestreams (oh hush) and I still get teary when all the phones light up for “Marjorie” #TSTheErasTourBuenosAires

I’m not sure how well they can throw, but the Red Sox pitching prospects have some fantastic names. ‘Wikelman Gonzalez’ sounds like Speedy’s bi-curious nephew.

Hearing Jack Edwards narrate a hockey fight is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.

Imagine if Sauce ends up being better than Revis?

WBD to shut down GCN+, creating immediate issues for cycling fans. #CONSONANTS

Best bet for the weekend: Mac taking full advantage of the bye week to figure things out. He knows he has to play better!

Well, the TD Garden Tourney Floor isn’t as bad as this.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, several Old Friends, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t sleep in the subway, darlin’. Don’t stand in the pouring rain.

And Happy Birthday to actress Beverly D’Angelo., star of stage, screen, and television.

Football Cat’s Week 10 NFL Picks

The Patriots play when???

Big Black Cats has no luck Thurrsday. Tough for them, not so much for me.

SUNDAY BREAKFASTTIME

Colts (-1.5) at Patriots

Pats are undefeated in games played outside the USA. That will continue.

EM 50 Urban Assault Vehicle. Perfect for jaunts into and around Germany.

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME

Browns at Ravens (-6)

Evil Black Birds too tough at their home rookery.

Texans at Bengals (-6.5)

Stripey Cats have no natural fear of Texans. They win.

49ers (-3) at Jaguars

Spotted Cats have no use for gold, silly Prospectors and Brock Purrrdy. Jaguars win.

Saints (-2.5) at Vikings

Saint Gertrude of Nivelles is the patron saint of cats. But the Vikings will make with the marauding.

Can’t say I’ve ever met a Gertrude.

Packers at Steelers (-3)

What a great game! Thirty years ago. Steelers prevail.

Titans at Buccaneers (-1)

Real Stoppable Force meets Movable Object energy here. Go Tits!

SUNDAY SUNDOWN

Falcons (-1.5) at Cardinals

Raptor versus Pretty Bird. Falcons pull out a needed win on the road.

Lions (-3) at Chargers

Prediction: Pumas pummel Plugs.

Giants at Cowboys (-16.5).

Fewer people will watch Dallas demolish the Pituitaries than watched the “Who Shot J,R.?” episode

Commanders at Seahawks (-6)

Last week was the Commanders Super Bowl. False Seabirds win.

SUNDAY PROWLTIME

Jets (-1) at Raiders

This game, this will be the tie. I’m sure of it.

Jets? Raiders? Vaught F6U Pirate! Not pretty. Much like how the game will be.

MONDAY NIGHT

Broncos at Bills (-7.5)

A loss would put the Bills at .500. But they will win.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Toucher and ???

Wacky. Morning. Zookeepers. no longer.

Well, thus ends the most popular morning sports radio show in America. (citation needed) Charles de Gaulle famously said, “the graveyards are full of indispensable men.” The same applies to regional radio programs. If we are to sensibly assume that none of the 2nd, 3rd, or 7th bananas on that program will get the promotion to Rich’s plain black seat (Sorrey Wallach, O’Brien, Lockhart, & Gemelli), who will the station pair up with Fred? Here are some suggestions:

Toucher and Dick(erson) – He’s available, and more dependable than Fred.

Toucher and Upton Bell – Uppy can fill four hours of radio by himself with his impossible to verify stories of his own genius, Kevin.

Toucher and Mikey Adams – He’ll lock himself in the studio! Great stuff.

Toucher and Finn– two unhealthy-looking old pale bearded guys are better than one. Plus the Globe would definitely let Chad keep his media critic job.

Toucher and Cam in Taunton – He’s been auditioning for eight years! C’mon!

Toucher and Liz Walker – Issues affecting Boston’s disenfranchised communities and zany sports bits featuring WALLDICK.

Toucher and That Young Fella (Mark Dondero) – You can’t discount someone Felger nearly remembered the name of.

Toucher and Artificial Intelligence – Fills the void Boston morning radio has had since Carlos the Computer died during Y2K.

Toucher and Rear Admiral – Codependent Co-hosts, khed! You all right?

Toucher and Brandon Meriweather – 98.5 would regain the lead over WEEI in hiring incoherent former Patriots players. Big Bang Clock!

Toucher and Meghan Ottolini – She’s wacky and gawky! Some of which make for great radio!

Toucher and Gary Tanguay – Pro: Like Dickerson, available. Con: would probably be called ‘Toucher and Bad Toucher’ behind their backs.

Toucher and Plain Black Hat – Just one of Rich’s plain black hats. Would increase station diversity!

It’s a play on words!

11/08/2023 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Did you participate in democracy yesterday? Or did you realize you haven’t been paying attention to the issues in an off-year election and stayed home? Either one is fine with me.

New game idea: Wacky morning zoo radio show, or NHL teammates? “Listen to Heino and Steener in the morning for your chance to score Olivia Rodrigo tickets!”

Aren’t all stoves hot?

Terry Bradshaw when he’s reading the halftime scores sounds like Jack Edwards.

Jrue gotta move the rock.

Red Sox Triston Casas a finalist for AL Rookie of the Year.

During the 1980’s Bert Breer had a General Motors Starter jacket. True story.

Ironman Rob Will injured?

Patriots fans have learned the name Ben Johnson and now won’t shut the fuck up about him.

Cakes are cooking for Satch Sanders, Bonnie Raitt, Mary Hart, Leif Garrett, Gordon Ramsey, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Jose Offerman, Parker Posey, Twan Scheepers, Tara Reid, Nick Punto, Sam Bradford, Giancarlo Stanton*, & SZA.

Honestly I love Zdeno Chara But at this point I’d be more impressed if he challenged Joey Chestnut on July 4th.

I like getting barbecue rub when I pick up my leaf bags.

Patriots CB JC Jackson is not expected to travel with the team to Germany for their game against the Colts.

Check my prоfile tо gеt lаunсh money.

Red Sox should have moved Paxton at the deadline. Or Pullman. Whichever one they just let walk for nothing.

Dark at 5 pm means my seasonal depression is back!

Green Line B Branch Update: Shuttle buses replace service between Washington Street and Boston College while repairs are made to an overhead wire near Sutherland Road. And Red Line Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Park Street from 8:45 PM to the end of service, November 14-16, for track work.

I like the nachos, but only with the little round tortilla chips.

Congratulations to the Foxboro High field hockey team for their 2-0 win over Swampscott in the MIAA Tournament! Way to ignore the noise, ladies!

“Gethin Coolbaugh” sounds like a light-hitting Negro Leagues player. “Coolbaugh batted .184 and stole 307 bases during the ‘39 season.”

Did you ever realize that if you never eat anything except leftovers, somehow you will still have leftovers? I’m not sure how the math works on that.

Ryan Blaney out-drives Kyle Larson to win his first NASCAR championship.

“It’s not really a lighthouse, but that’s what they call it.” YOU SHUT YOUR STUPID WHORE MOUTH SHANNON SPAKE!!

Hey gang of young up-and-comers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t have much interest in grabbing a beer with Craig Breslow.”

Y’know, If Lucy did decide to get an OnlyFans, she could probably make enough to fix that deviated septum so she wouldn’t be panting for breath by the end of walking for 40 seconds in her betting videos.

I’ve been listening to nothing but The Cars lately. Such a good band. There isn’t even a Phoebe Cates video sucking me in.

“Con facemask y todo” is fun to say.

Sometimes I see guys walk in and I think “ooh, I like that sweater I wonder where he got that” for half a second before remembering Jayson Tatum probably spent two months’ worth of my income on it at a secret store known only to NBA players.

Kimmi Chex is a totally real name.

Do other ppl use the bathroom as a house refuge? I live with only one other person, and often I’ll just be like, ‘welp I need a break from the rest of the house, time to stand and look at my phone in front of my bathroom sink.’

Is Jack Jones even allowed to leave the country?

When Felger dies, Darren Rovell will reveal that he has the napkins Felger used to warm his legs.

Only you know and I know.
All the loving we’ve got to show.
So don’t refuse to believe it.
By reading too many meanings.

‘Cause you know that I mean what I say, so, don’t go
And never take me the wrong way.
You know you can’t go on getting your own way.
‘Cause if you do, it’s gonna get you someday, yeah.

Had assumed that Corey Seager was a good bet to make the Hall of Fame, based on his current trajectory. But, turns out he’s in 26th place among shortstops in Wins Above Replacement by age 29, between Hanley Ramirez and Rabbit Maranville. Two WS MVPs would help, of course.

People are noticing you, George Stephanopoulos.

In all seriousness, both The Beatles and The Rolling Stones have new songs out. What fucking year are we in?

Honk if you remember Joe Flynn.

Fox has Stink and Pink on the same NFL broadcast crew?

The Sara Civian fan club is strong and we stan.

Things I didn’t expect to see: The autograph line for Gina Gershon was much longer than the one for Marisa Tomei.

Add ‘plastered’ to the football lingo.

An Xfinity guy was just here and he turned on our television to see if it worked. They showed a guy on TV that was wanted and he looked exactly like me. It was actually a little frightening. Guessing that I was only the second most frightened person in the room.

All the Daylight I saved has been lost, like tears in rain.

Have fun with the sports betting, Maine.

Dick Drago. A closer before there were closers. Born too late to play on the beloved 1967 Impossible Dream Red Sox, now taken from us too soon. RIP.

Best bet for the weekend: All our veterans eating like kings on Friday restaurant-hopping for their free appetizers and desserts.

Patriots vs Colts in Frankfurt, Germany. The road to 7-7 is an Autobahn.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Ein Prosit, ein Prosit. Der Gemütlichkeit.

And happy birthday to actress Gretchen Mol. Connecticut’s Own.

Football Cat’s Week 9 NFL Picks

NFL Football in Germany, Ja!

First off, I did not make that Thursday pick. Only an idiot would bet against the Steelers at home. Someone is going to pay.

SUNDAY SECOND BREAKFASTTIME

Dolphins at Chiefs (-1.5)

Porps haven’t beaten a good team yet. Chiefs are good. Figure it out.

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME

Vikings at Falcons (-4.5)

4-4 vs 4-4. Fine. THIS game will be the tie.

Seahawks at Ravens (-6)

Evil black birds take down the false seabirds.

The Steller’s sea eagle kind of looks like a Seahawk. But it isn’t

Cardinals at Browns (-8)

Trickester Browns pull one over on the pretty birds.

Rams at Packers (-3.5)

A hot seat sounds like a lovely place to take a nap. Rams win.

Buccaneers at Texans (-2.5)

Texas has wildcats. Works for me. Houston will not have a problem.

Commanders at Patriots (-3)

The path to 6-6 starts by landing on your paws. Pats get the necessary win.

Bears at Saints (-8.5)

The 1982 movie ‘Cat People’ took place in New Orleans. Saints win.

Me-ow!

SUNDAY SUNDOWN

Colts (-3) at Panthers

Big black cats get the post Halloween bounce.

Giants at Raiders (-1.5)

Giants show Vegas it wasn’t all on McDaniels.

Cowboys at Eagles (-3)

Do the NFC East teams play each other three times a season? Feels that way. Eagles prevail.

SUNDAY PROWLTIME

Bills at Bengals (-2)

Stripey cats win, unless Buffalo convinces the league to move the game to a neutral site.

MONDAY NIGHT

Chargers (-3.5) at Jets

Prediction: Plugs pound Planes.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

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