The 15

More days in first place.

If you’ve ever suffered a torn scapholunate ligament, let us know in the comments.  

Chuck Finley can finally relax.

One more thing, Dale loves his mom more than you.

Where are the UDFA’s?

You can’t send your squad out on to the pitch with a false nine! Cor! Blimey!

I noticed in collegiate wrestling no one ever uses the Polish Hammer.

Cakes are cooking for Stacy Wilson, Tony Hawk, Jim Furyk, Steve Smith and Emily VanCamp.

Belichick talks to Baffort, Baffort horse gets busted for doping. Hmmm.

Don’t open your college commitment announcement like you’re getting divorced, ahkay?

Blehhhh! Play in game! Blehhhh!!

Gosh darn it Aiden, you should have reached out. People would have helped you.

That Chinese rocket could have really gotten people mad at the Orientals.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Take it easy, AIDS feet.’

Bottom line: Warren Sapp is an asshole. Always was, always will be.

It’s a very difficult decision to choose between UMass Dartmouth and Johnson & Wales. Like deciding between Texas and Georgia.

Tim Tebow is In Sport.

Bill Barnwell seems like someone who takes sex vacations in the Far East.

Why exactly is doping a race horse a bad thing?

Best Roast Beef in the Commonweath? Not North Shore, not South Shore. Merrimack Valley.

News Item: Leonardo DiCaprio unrecognizable in first photos of new Scorsese film.

DK Metcalf came in last, fact; not opinion.

Purple is great. They also give you the option to pay it off with Affirm so you don’t have to drop four digits.

She got whatever it is, it blows me away
She’s everything I want to say to a woman
But I couldn’t find the words to say
She got whatever it is.

The Taylor Swift Education Center opened today in Nashville. That is beyond awesome. Such a power move! @taylorswift13 is my girl!

Honk if you remember Skylab.

I can’t remember it being this consistently windy! Probably the Russians.

Woo Sox! Woo!

The Washington Football has its left tackle: The WFT is signing former #Bears LT Charles Leno to a 1-year deal worth $5M, per @SlavinRon.

Bedard is in the same shape as Babe Ruth in his Boston Braves days. See, it all comes back to baseball.

Lynnette can now drink all the passion fruit iced tea she wants.

Thank you, warrior98, whoever you are.

Best bet for the weekend: cheapies from the Capitals.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW user Hascksaw, and #the15, were used in this column. May cause drowsiness.

Ernie made the good picks, caller.

MLB The Show 21 is a great game. I highly recommend buying it if you haven’t yet.

There’s a reason Greg Bedard lasted 3 days at the LVRJ.

Using “green teamer” and begging for Madam Jones to notice him is a squid parlay.

Eating ice cream out of the container again. I got got.

It makes sense that it’s legal to impersonate a Boston Globe reporter considering all the fabulists and plagiarists who have worked there.

How it started: ‘You aren’t getting Mac Jones, caller.’

How it’s going: ‘You’re stuck with Mac Jones, caller.’

Cakes are cooking for Charles Nagy, Danielle Fishel, Randall Gay, Henry Cavill, and Eve Torres.

Packers best be careful, Aaron Rodgers has outside interests now, like hosting Jeopardy!, and heterosexuality.

In retrospect, of course the Baffert horse won the Derby.

Dragging Dondero was a great college indy band back in the 90s.

The NHL needs more violent goons, not fewer.

The #Raiders are releasing safety Jeff Heath on Wednesday, per source. He was the AFC Defensive Player of the Week in Week 10 last season. Now, set to be a free agent.

They should call it Section 8 podcast, because it’s so poor.

FYI, it’s still against the law to impersonate an employee of the Lawrence Eagle-Tribune.

Ned Martin didn’t have opinions, he’d just smoke a butt and do a shot to keep the ghosts of Iwo away.

Heyyyy brunch gang, this week’s Phrase that pays is “Your brain don’t work.”

I workout at an office park as well. It’s actually quite descript!

McCorkle. It’s funnier than a regular middle name.

Aloha means goodbye, Ibuprofen. Aloha.

C’mon, sunscribe to The Athletic! Steve Buckley needs more scratchy, scratchy flannel.

“Revenge of the Fifth!” Get it? Get it??

Did whoever Bedard allegedly spoke to about Barmore “just quote a rap lyric”?

Orange Line Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

If I add five more pounds to my deadlift PR it’s going to get into Miss Porter’s and Wellesley.

Nice outing, Pivetta. You too, Barnes.

All this rain best mean that the Fake Drought gets cancelled.

I probably wouldn’t have qualified for the Marathon even at the previous time.

Bruins. Playoff bound. Owning. Fluke loss.

Life with gUNT: my brain and body shut down every day from approximately 3- 4:30 PM.

I sneak in my own house
It’s four the morning
I’ve had too much to drink
Said I was out with the boys
I creep in my bedroom
I slip into bed
I know if I wake her
I’ll wake up dead.

He had me at the multicolor pen.

Honk 1488 times if you remember when Greg Bedard’s Loyko investigation was supposed to wrap up.

WooSox!

You aren’t Amy and you aren’t with Medical Services, phone spammer.

I find the Celtics to be quite likable, thank you very much.

Well Schill has certainly earned the benefit of the doubt. Wait, what?

Feliz cumpleaños México! Probablemente.

Best bet for the weekend: Orioles playing hard against the Red Sox.

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, Substack, other writers, league and team sources, @basementscout, @MrJonnyConCarne, and #the15, were used in this column. Allow 8-10 weeks for delivery.

Going to be so good when the Red Sox are once again claiming Fenway sellouts post August 1st. So good, so good, so good! A return to normal, indeed.

As a rule, supermarket employees don’t have NFL sources.

My grandpappy’s dying words were “Never trust a sports media columnist named Chad”. Sage advice, Pops.

Dale Arnold would make a great guest host on Jeopardy. “Sorry, the correct answer is WARRIOR Ice Arena, not Warner.”

I’m ever so sorry about the “Entitled Town’ audio issues on my end. That’s on me, gotta pod better. The bad news is, Coach Tomlin complained and NE has been docked a seventh round pick in 2022. The good news is is that Ironhead unknowingly agreed to wear the puffy shirt next podcast.

Bootleg
Summer in the city
His Barnicles can swim
Getting naked and gritty.

When you have 2 garbage bags full of weed maybe don’t start beating up restaurant employees.

New theory: John Dennis has been in a gout critical care facility for nearly a year.

Cakes are cooking for Jay Leno, Kim Gordon, Ron Zook, Bridget Moynahan and Ryan Saunders.

Have flatter feet.

It’s a ductless AC and it keeps out prowlers.

Larry Luccino should release a sing-along album. Let’s go Red Sox!

I’m at the point where I’d rather see your vaccination card than your mock draft.

Today in “life with gUNT,” I injured my back putting on my pants.

Hearing reports that Chris Sale’s rehab is coming along great, but with no firm timetable in place. And also that he nodded in apparent recognition when shown a baseball.

News Item: Keno sales finally rebound, Massachusetts Lottery says.

I hope Dana Hersey still has that great leather jacket.

My work has a nice gym but it’s been closed since COVID started.

It’s good to have a network of whores in different cities and towns in this great land where you can pop in, do drugs and get your dick sucked.

Nice job coach. How’s the liver?

I know George Floyd is looking down at Fenway and smiling.

The Bills have re-signed RFA G Ike Boettger.

Hey, gang of NFL Draftniks, This weeks Phrase that Pays is “Remember that chair?”

Some day Tanya will be able to claim a loss of Twitter clout on her tax return. Good God.

I think the clothes dryer ate the belt to my bathrobe. Less than ideal.

Red Auerbach retired as head coach of the Boston Celtics fifty-five years ago today after leading the team to eleven championships in sixteen years.

Stupid girl.
She was dressed like
she deserved everything that she got.
Bloody pumps.
Dead girl.
Hey, world;
Thanks a lot,
Thanks a lot

In retrospect, it makes sense that Brady was tweaking Coach Harbro rather than actually caring about the positional uniform number rule alteration.

Honk if you remember mimeographs.

“Y’all Qaeda” was a top 5 funny thing I heard during the pandy.

Let’s don’t be limping into the Playoffs, Celtics.

Orange Line Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

It’s an accent wall, but the accent is Welsh.

Man, those squash instructors, they get all the puss. It’s just like the old saying goes: “Squash instructors, they get all the puss.”

Best bet for the weekend: Draft report cards.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, @thatJohnIrons, and #the15 were used in this column. Weight of meat given before cooking.

Johnny Pierson: gone to that big furniture convention in the sky. Hopefully Johnny drew up his last will & testament as well as he did plays during intermission. RIP.

Congrats to the 45 million UMass alumni, all of whom never realized before last week they had a hockey team.

I swear, these alternate jerseys by Nike seems like just a way for them to get us to spend more money!

Any Super League that didn’t include Wolverhampton was doomed from the start.

Tell us in the comments what you think of the Bengals’ new ‘fits.

Next week on ‘The Case‘: Brockton is full of scumbags and Steve did a Google search.

I was also never offered the job coaching Indiana basketball. The rumors mean a lot to me but they are untrue!

You don’t need to post everything you do. You really don’t.

A whole lotta punks, squids, Haskell’s, and just plain cvnts on that Caps squad.

I guess we’ll only be able to catch Cash Cab on reruns now.

Cakes are cooking for Ed Belfour, Rob Riggle, Audra Cohen, Max Chilton, Princess Isabella of Denmark, and Josh Marion.

Every time I see a picture of Tom Werner, I feel like $20 has been withdrawn from my bank account.

I heard a lot of people telling us the celtics were back in business and look out…boy very quiet I am hearing from them after this gong show vs bulls

Came this close to pulling the trigger on purchasing a box of factory seconds biscotti at the Ocean State Job Lot.

Red Sox still have fewer wins than Mookie’s Dodgers, caller.

LAPD cancelled that Gold & Purple Alert for that missing imaginary Lakers fan lady, I suppose.

News Item: High school sophomore Matthew Vital shoots an 8-under-par 62, breaks Reading (PA) Country Club course record set by Sam Snead in 1949.

I could go for a nice scallop roll right now.

Is big pharma working on a vaccine to counter the effects of the Hellenic Flu?

Get another tattoo and do some arm curls; that will fill the emptiness this time I bet.

I like when Pete Abe tweets something that gets pushback and hides one reply when there are 12 more saying the same thing.

What, are you waiting for a streetcar?

Approximately 90% of my Premier League soccer knowledge is gleaned from Monty Python episodes.

It’s funny because that one fan threw a pizza slice at that other fan.

Glad to hear the Cape League plans to return. Go Pants Factory!

Hey bud, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Marv is Suave.”

It’s okay to admit this Celtics team has talent.

The Euro Super League, the Fenway Park Press Conference Room, and Linda Pizzuti…What are 3 things John Henry has spent very little time in?

Who Can Think About Low-Rise Jeans When We Have Vanessa Hudgens’s Jaw-Dropping Hip Cutouts?

Former Pro Bowl TE Jordan Reed is retiring, sources say. A 2013 3rd-round pick by the Washington Football Team, Reed emerged as one of the game’s best receiving TEs before battling injuries. His improbable comeback with #49ers last season allowed him to walk away with no regrets.

Red: Republican Blue: Democrat Red & Blue make Purple: One World Government Numbers, symbols & colors, are used in pagan Magic for predictive programming.

Women. Women and their knick-knacks! Amirite?

Rest In Peace, Walt Mondale.

Bitch! Kitchen!

Congratulations to the Pope Francis Prepatory H.S. Hockey team out of Springfield, MA, USA Hockey Division 1 National Champions.

Honk if you remember that Robert ‘Love’ Klemko was supposed to have a follow-up report on Antonio Brown.

You can’t be losing to a team in your division, Tone.

Now I’m not a highly metaphysical man
But I know when the stars are aligned you can
Bump into a person in the middle of the road
Look into their eyes and you suddenly know.

Actually, the worst person to sit next to at a baseball game would be ‘the relentlessly negative sports radio “celebrity caller”.’

Best bet for the weekend: a clash of the titans as the Mariners visit the lyric little bandbox on Jersey Street.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, Mego, Josh Marion, and #the15 were used in this column.

R.I.P. HRH Prince Philip and DMX. So often linked in life, so they will be in death.

Julian Edelman. I was in denial as to the severety of his knee ailment. Thanks for the memories, and the 100+ playoff catches. Way to compete. Really.

UMass Men’s Ice Hockey, National Champions. Suck it, Gilligan!

Fake ailments don’t get you on the vaccine list? Maybe try sleep apnea.

Half-price Easter candy as a gift? Sheesh.

I like Little Jonathan, epidemiologist better than Big Jonathan, draftnik.

Break up the 2021 Red Sox!

The universe has to keep expanding in order to contain all the cat gifs.

Taylor Hall. Why do I know that name? Is he in sports?

An Oriental wins The Masters post-Covid? Even more obvious than letting a team named ‘the Patriots’ win the post 9/11 Super Bowl.

Cakes are cooking for Stan Humphries, David Archibald, Da Brat, Rebecca DiPietro, and Win Butler.

Jennifer Grey is Joel Grey’s daughter? Did I just find that out, or did I forget that I knew that fact?

Hirohito had a big lead early on, too.

Putting your personal logo over an already bastardized American flag seems disrespectful to the troops.

@jumbogart

Good win, Celtics. A self-motivated win, even.

Carrabis has no family and one interest in life and he can’t please his bosses. That’s a dedication to mediocrity.

See, FIRST you snipe, THEN you celly!

Bernie Madoff. It’s like he was living on borrowed time. Aloha means ‘goodbye’, Bernie. Aloha.

Dear White People: defrost your refrigerators.

Rachel Corrie wasn’t as much of a human shield as Jules Edelman was for Robert Kraft on their trip to Israel.

Hey there gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Blast it with Sweet onion sauce.”

Poor Tanya Ray Treadwell. Who could have seen that happening?

The Gardner Museum Heist will be solved before the Loyko investigation is concluded.

It’s not the Hall of Regular Season Counting Stats. Just sayin’.

I could see Dale Arnold pulling a ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ stunt and audition for the vacated Danielle Murr chair.

Some Rhode Islanders will tell you this is the worst 5-6 Yankees team ever.

You’re not the girl you think you are, yeah
Someone’s standing in your place.

The bathroom mirror makes you look tall
But it’s all in your head, in your head.

He won’t deceive you or tell you the truth
Woman, he’ll be no trouble.
He won’t write you letters,
Full of excuses
Come on, believe you have one, in a million.

Red Sox announce top prospect Bryan Mata underwent Tommy John surgery.

Does draft expert Bob Kraft still have his stopwatch?

Don’t give new guy Reilly the 6 jersey, Bruins! Bad number for a B’s defenseman.

A. 1982 NCAA Womans Lacrosse Champs.

Great day for baseball! Let’s play two!

Isn’t it usually the ladies get a massive headache before getting an injection from the ol’ Johnson (& Johnson)? What?

Honk if you remember the Quizno’s Spongmonkey ads.

Los Angeles law enforcement gave Tiger a mulligan on the speeding.

Is it too late to insert Wally the Green Monster into Space Jam 2? Probably.

Nice scheduled four a.m. tweet, Superfly.

My Fire Stick 4K does not upgrade my TV into having 4K picture quality. Sad.

Best bet for the long holiday weekend: Jerry Remy not practicing his Spanish diction.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW posters Miz and Lefty, and #the15 were used in this column.

Great news you guys, now that LeBron’s part-owner of the Red Sox the fans in other cities can’t call Boston racist anymore. Guys? Guys?

Hey Andy Gresh, can you tell me what time it is? Oh, thanks, you just did.

It’s pretty obvious the Evergreen being “stuck” was a false flag to fake a toilet paper shortage if you really think about it.

Now I’m only writing TWO things. I finish the other piece today & turn in the draft a week early THEN I work on a project that I’m not going to speak on because it hasn’t been announced yet.

Having a microphone in his face is one of the two things that can bring old man Kraft to orgasm.

It’s like ESPN didn’t understand Paul Pierce’s sly social commentary about how everything is so oversexualized nowadays.

Did new owner LeBron James inspire the 2021 Red Sox to flop? Sure looking that way.

Wait, they won two three in a row? Then maybe it was Load Management.

This upcoming HBO Lakers series is giving me serious “The Late Shift” vibes.

I’d like to hear Mike Francesa explain what a Non-Fungible Token is.

Cakes are cooking for John Oates, Tony Dorsett, Gary Wilkinson, and Suzann Pettersen.

I’ll say it. I don’t like the Red Sox Patriot’s Day uniforms.

Gary Tanguay with a dubious vouch? Well I never!

I’d kinda like Kayce to give another defense of how Portnoy respects women today.

Orange Line: Delays of up to 15 minutes northbound due to police activity at Green Street.

Oh no. My Roomba is all clogged up with spilled Xanax. Again.

Gonzaga is no undefeated 1969 Medfield squad.

I bet @GerryCallahan watches ‘Gutfield!’ laughing like DeNiro at the movie theater in Cape Fear.

The Case podcast by Barstool Sports is great if you like to hear Kirk Minihane struggle to convey even an ounce of actual human empathy.

I was worried the Red Sox had really used up all their bat power in spring training lmao.

It’s not always about who is the biggest, the fastest, or the strongest. It’s about quickness, seeing the lane open up, reaction time, shrewd planning, and if necessary some playful flirting. Like I said, whatever it takes. But I’m rusty. I haven’t traveled on a plane post-COVID.

Some unsolicited advice for Trenni: even though it’s only radio, there’s still cameras everywhere.

Rough break with your players gettind ‘vidded up, UMass.

Hey cupcake, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘ran away like a tulip when shit got real.’

I wonder what the punishment is when @LouMerloni forgets to wash Linda Pizzuti’s car? He has to call more damn games?

I love how Worcester is now referred to as the ‘Alternate Site’ like it’s Mount Thunder or something.

Skinnygirl wine: That’s an easy grape.

Can’t remember when I ate.
It’s just thumb and walk and wait.
And I’m still 500 miles away from home.
If my luck had been just right,
I’d be with them all tonight.
But I’m still 500 miles away from home.

The Liberal Club in Fall River is my absolute favorite place to get fried clams and Covid vaccine.

Jennifer Eagan does have the prettiest eyes in Boston.

The #Jets have received very little interest in the No. 2 overall pick, which means teams are clear on what GM Joe Douglas insinuated yesterday. The Jets know their pick.

Mookie Bettis is different than Monty Beisel.

Honk if you remember where you were when you heard Republika Srpska declared its independence.

Hang in there, BMX.

Tom Werner wants the second base coach fired!

I’d rather watch that Portnoy video on a loop for 150 minutes than another Avatar movie.

Eck is only entertaining in small doses. There, I said it.

TB12 Virtual Concussion Water? Fetch my Dogecoins!

If you are your own worst enemy, know that you will find no better friend than #the15.

Best bet for the weekend; pollen.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW poster Hacksaw, and #the15 were used in this column. Like last week. But different.

After five long years, the Isobel Cup returns to Boston! Congratulations to Jennifer, and Lisa, and, uh, Amy, and all the rest of the players and coaches for the Boston team in the NWHL!

They refloated that stuck container ship before Kid Gaslight concluded his twitter tantrum.

I know; ‘The Green Kornet!’ Did anyone else think of that? Everyone? Everyone else did, too? Oh.

Pro-batflip Twitter is much more obnoxious than anti-batflip Twitter ever was.

Yes. Yes you have every right to be upset that Belichick’s draft history doesn’t look like a Kim Jong-Un golf scorecard.

No way, Paige Bueckers and Jalen Suggs knew each other in high school?

Can’t wait to see what @Toucherandrich have cooked up for April Fool’s Day! Zoinks!

Must be nice to have sleep apnea.

Chris Gasper hasn’t gotten this much attention since the 2010 P-town Carnival.

A ‘non-infectious’ positive COVID test for Matt Barnes? Alex Cora is up to his old tricks again.

Cakes are cooking for Pavel Bure, Jérôme Rothen, Chien-Ming Wang, and Jessica Joseph.

Entercom is now Audacy. Please make a note of it.

Don’t try to rig Twitter giveaway contests. You WILL be caught.

Second billing on a weekend radio show does not make one Rosie the Riveter.

Marwin? Kiké? Franchy?? These are not baseball player names. These are Sunday Drag Brunch names.

Another big day of Pro Days today — with two likely Top 10 picks Kyle Pitts and Ja’Marr Chase among those on display.

What are you thinking, contracting Covid-19 now? Next you’ll tell me you just started watching Tiger King.

A two goal lead in hockey is the worst lead to have.

Elenore, gee I think you’re swell
And you really do me well
You’re my pride and joy, et cetera
Elenore, can I take the time
To ask you to speak your mind?

The next person who makes a Suez Canal joke to me gets locked in a room with a starving Major Biden.

It’s times like these we miss Tommy…

Is being scared of winter considered a comorbidity for early vaccination?

Feels like a Charlie Bronson night.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “My hovercraft is full of eels.”

Here’s condescension: You are painfully inept with words.

It appears Deshaun Watson’s quick release is not limited to just throwing the football.

Hi Farm.

To the guy backing his shopping cart out the entire length of the one way aisle; I appreciate your commitment to the letter of the rule. Respect to you.

Of course Charlie Coyle scored in @bsp_13‘s presence!!!

Godzilla has to be the prohibitive favorite in his tilt versus King Kong.

Watson pre-came during a massage?! Wow! I shit myself while at the Natick rest stop on the Pike! Just like equals!

Wait, so the journalist with a hosting gig on 98.5 is completely different than the other 98.5 host?

There’s never a bad time to nail your personal spice blend.

Honk if you remember Creature Double Feature.

Are you more a Jane Birkin guy, or an Edwige Fenech guy?

Proud of the way I reverse-mushed UMass hockey.

Masturbate your way thru it, Britni. Eventually the pain will go away.

I think that fella is a Minihane burner account.

Any word on Jack McCormick? Will he be at Opening Day?

Deshaun Watson’s lawsuits are now old enough to drink.

By mid April, the Patriots will be claiming they’ve never even heard of Jimmy Garoppolo, whoever he is.

Best bet for the weekend: people happy they cleverly put off getting vaccinated because it meant they had to cancel the big Easter Dinner plans.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW poster Hacksaw, and #the15 were used in this column.