03/31/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Still going…

After five long years, the Isobel Cup returns to Boston! Congratulations to Jennifer, and Lisa, and, uh, Amy, and all the rest of the players and coaches for the Boston team in the NWHL!

They refloated that stuck container ship before Kid Gaslight concluded his twitter tantrum.

I know; ‘The Green Kornet!’ Did anyone else think of that? Everyone? Everyone else did, too? Oh.

Pro-batflip Twitter is much more obnoxious than anti-batflip Twitter ever was.

Yes. Yes you have every right to be upset that Belichick’s draft history doesn’t look like a Kim Jong-Un golf scorecard.

No way, Paige Bueckers and Jalen Suggs knew each other in high school?

Can’t wait to see what @Toucherandrich have cooked up for April Fool’s Day! Zoinks!

Must be nice to have sleep apnea.

Chris Gasper hasn’t gotten this much attention since the 2010 P-town Carnival.

A ‘non-infectious’ positive COVID test for Matt Barnes? Alex Cora is up to his old tricks again.

Cakes are cooking for Pavel Bure, Jérôme Rothen, Chien-Ming Wang, and Jessica Joseph.

Entercom is now Audacy. Please make a note of it.

Don’t try to rig Twitter giveaway contests. You WILL be caught.

Second billing on a weekend radio show does not make one Rosie the Riveter.

Marwin? Kiké? Franchy?? These are not baseball player names. These are Sunday Drag Brunch names.

Another big day of Pro Days today — with two likely Top 10 picks Kyle Pitts and Ja’Marr Chase among those on display.

What are you thinking, contracting Covid-19 now? Next you’ll tell me you just started watching Tiger King.

A two goal lead in hockey is the worst lead to have.

Elenore, gee I think you’re swell
And you really do me well
You’re my pride and joy, et cetera
Elenore, can I take the time
To ask you to speak your mind?

The next person who makes a Suez Canal joke to me gets locked in a room with a starving Major Biden.

It’s times like these we miss Tommy…

Is being scared of winter considered a comorbidity for early vaccination?

Feels like a Charlie Bronson night.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “My hovercraft is full of eels.”

Here’s condescension: You are painfully inept with words.

It appears Deshaun Watson’s quick release is not limited to just throwing the football.

Hi Farm.

To the guy backing his shopping cart out the entire length of the one way aisle; I appreciate your commitment to the letter of the rule. Respect to you.

Of course Charlie Coyle scored in @bsp_13‘s presence!!!

Godzilla has to be the prohibitive favorite in his tilt versus King Kong.

Watson pre-came during a massage?! Wow! I shit myself while at the Natick rest stop on the Pike! Just like equals!

Wait, so the journalist with a hosting gig on 98.5 is completely different than the other 98.5 host?

There’s never a bad time to nail your personal spice blend.

Honk if you remember Creature Double Feature.

Are you more a Jane Birkin guy, or an Edwige Fenech guy?

Proud of the way I reverse-mushed UMass hockey.

Masturbate your way thru it, Britni. Eventually the pain will go away.

I think that fella is a Minihane burner account.

Any word on Jack McCormick? Will he be at Opening Day?

Deshaun Watson’s lawsuits are now old enough to drink.

By mid April, the Patriots will be claiming they’ve never even heard of Jimmy Garoppolo, whoever he is.

Best bet for the weekend: people happy they cleverly put off getting vaccinated because it meant they had to cancel the big Easter Dinner plans.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW poster Hacksaw, and #the15 were used in this column.

Giada probably doesn’t mind hosting Easter Dinner.

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