The 15

March Sadness champ Greg Bedard wasted no time preparing his title defense, which is weird because he can no longer compete.

No one tell me who won the basketball championship! I taped it to watch later!

JK; I know the 1957 title game loss was avenged! Right Bob?

Perhaps we’re letting our hatred of Massarotti cloud our judgment that he sucks.

Warren Sharp’s real name? Touty McToutface.

YOU thought the Celtics were going to coast to the ECF before Rob got hurt! You did! You did!

Get well soon, Hampsy.

Cakes are cooking for Black Francis, Gerald Diduck, Paul Rudd, Tim Hasselbeck, Myleene Klass, Diora Baird, James Wade, and Peyton List.

Celtics need to somehow figure out how to do the player honors/number retirement ceremonies when they play on the road.

Cautiously optimistic about Team USA’s chances playing out of Group B.

I hope Tiger Woods is cutting his Ambiens in half. It would suck to win The Masters and have no memory of it.

They took the plexiglass down at the front counter of the package store last week. The pandemic is over.

Hey gang possibly consisting of an odd number of people, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Who have the ok to the weekend thing?”

Mattapan Trolley: Shuttle buses replace trolley service the weekend of April 30 – May 1, from start to end of service.

SwingJuice sells hospital gowns?

Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never read too much in spring training stats, good or bad. But Bobby Dalbec has had a good spring. Letting the ball get deep, good swings, letting his power play. Good balance, etc. Looks very hitterish.

There are evidently two Queensryches now.  The one that’s awesome, and the one everyone thinks sucks. And if you have two Queenryches, you have none.

I want Solomon Hughes to make a Tim Duncan movie after seeing him in Winning Time. They could call it “The Most Boring Movie Ever.”

Like Lucy, that Greg Hill Show poll question had Curtis’s grubby fingerprints all over it.

Jeff Howe’s successful battle with cancer was shorter than some people’s entire careers in the mulching business.

Be less consistent as to which jacket pocket you put your car keys in…you can’t!

Cameron Smith? Does he look good in green? Could be.

To be fair, Gerry Callahan had no idea his coffee beans sold for $14.88. That’s because he figured the price in Reichsmarks.

Add boys lacrosse players Caden Padelford & Devin Lampron from Waconah Regional HS (Dalton, MA) to my list of great sports names.

Could be holding you tonight
Could quit doing wrong, start doin’ right
You don’t care about what I think
I think I’ll just stay here and drink.

Hey, puttin’ you down, don’t square no deal
Least you know the way I feel
Take all the money in the bank
I think I’ll just stay here and drink.

Dan Orlofsky first and foremost should be concerned about being a Maynard G. Krebs lookalike.

Honk if you remember the Ice Capades.

Can Doctor Strange diagnose sports injuries on TV from his Bleeker Street sofa?

Rochie…Yeaaaaaaaaa…!!!!!

Fun Fact: the phrase “clappin’ them cheeks” was coined by Bert Bell.

This is where my ‘Duke lost, Lakers eliminated, watch out Yankees fans’ joke would go if I didn’t see Mike Coley or whoever from Barstool make one first. Whew! That was close!

No cute little cake cooking for Lou Merloni? Sniff. I’m making a mockery of his birthday!

The Patriots converted $2.85M of DE Deatrich Wise’s base salary into a signing bonus, creating $1.9M in salary cap space per source. A move made to accommodate the trade of WR Devante Parker.

The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry will have to wait a day to be renewed.

Best bet for the Weekend: azaleas and Jim Nantz wildly overestimating how many of us consider him to be our friend.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, The Entitled Town Group Chat, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Listen close and you can hear that loud jukebox playin’ in my ear.

Meniscus Tear Twitter is the worst.

Consecutive Isobel Cup wins? Titletown is back, Baby!!

Every time Bob Kraft speaks when there’s no confetti on the ground, I like him less.

A Michigan/Denver and Minnesota/Minnesota State Frozen Four in Boston? Why all the yellow seats, Dale?

Outcome Based Rules Change SZN.

Pro Tip: Maybe don’t go with the 3-year BSJ membership option.

Cakes are cooking for Joey Sindelar, MC Hammer, Dave Ellett, Julie Richardson, Martin Love, and Chris Canty.

Honestly, the worst part about the slap is the TAKES we’re being subjected to by the blue check brigade in response to it. Insufferable. SHUT. UP.

Taylor Hawkins devoted half his life to fighting Foo. I doubt we shall see his like again. RIP.

I really wish I was a suit person, I’d love to be the guy in the suit at Wrestlemania week in Dallas.

If you could be rich and powerful in life, but have your name be disgraced throughout history, would you do it?

You did the HIPAA violation! You did! You did!

Sometimes when I’m feeling particularly emotionally unstable and just need to cry I watch the video of Secretariat in retirement running around by himself in a paddock by a lake, anyone else? No just me. Cool cool cool.

Fun Fact: Rutgers is the State University of New Jersey, not Michigan!

Following a thorough in-depth inspection of the Orange Line tunnel, MBTA engineers & partner agencies have determined that it is safe to resume Orange Line service. Trains will travel at reduced speeds in this area & bypass Haymarket Station, which is closed until further notice.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘Good call, Karen Carpenter.’

Do Charlie and Jada’s alpacas know each other?

Middle schoolers are known for their perfect defensive rotations.

Well I’ve heard Kimberley A. Martin and Cari Champion can’t even legally ride in the same Uber.

Paige Bueckers? More like Paige Buckets, amirite?

It’s physically impossible to have not heard a Foo Fighters song, even for late adoption country & western devotees.

Q: What did Troy Kotsur say when they told him he’d won an Oscar? A: WHAT?!

I’m not saying The North End Restaurant Community should take inspiration how to deal with the Mayor from that slapping incident at the Oscars, but..

I could almost go there
Just to watch you be seen
I could almost go there
Just to live in a dream.

But no, I won’t go for any of those things
To not touch your skin is not why I sing
I can’t help myself
I’ve got to see you again.

Now is fighting allowed in the PHF, or do they just tease someone ’til they develop an eating disorder?

Honk if you remember the Ice Capades.

Can’t wait to see the Top Gun sequel. How many of Admiral Iceman’s ribbons are for volleyball?

You have to worry about all those Dikembe Mutombo-type eighth graders.

Are bucket hats the new painter’s caps?

I bet Eddie Andelman call that song ‘Everyone Forgets About Bruno.’

That was a big win for Trackhouse Racing.

I do not now know enough details to conclude whether or not Jabril Peppers will be part of the compensatory pick calculations.

The thing is, the Foo always win out in the end.

Thanks again to all the March Sadness voters for getting us this far.

Best bet for the weekend: more blueblood basketball than a horseshoe crab pick-up game.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, pseudonymous radio professionals masquerading as a sibling, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Dark, like the shady corners, inside a violin.

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Antivernal Equinox. Yes, I say ‘antivernal.’

John Clayton always looked to be the picture of robust good health. RIP.

Everyone but YOU got better!

News Item: The Red Sox will wear a patch this season to commemorate Jerry Remy. A nicotine patch?

The secret to the Celtics success? They dropped the umlaut.

In some ways “We Are All Patriots”, but in a more correct way Ty Montgomery is now a Patriot.

Are we sure Cesar “The Abuser” Peralta is capable of such a heinous act?

Cakes are cooking for Teresa Ganzel, Steve Redgrave, John Strohm, Yasmeen Ghauri, Jonas Bjorkman, and Jason Kidd.

The 15 also possess hypersonic missiles. No, you can’t see them.

I’ve been saying “What would they do with Leonard Fournette?” in my Lou Gorman voice talking about Willie McGee.

And now I’ll have lunch.

It’s a bad look to sell more PS5’s than you actually have on hand, Karen Guregian. It is!

One note on the NBA: Does anyone else miss the twenty second timeout?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Everyplace is a bathroom if you really want it to be.”

Not often you hear Semisonic’s other song.

Whoever the referee was who decided that the signal for the 3-point shot was 1 arm raised (3-point try) and the second arm raised when it goes in… that guy was an absolute genius. The signal for an exciting play is the same as a universally understood symbol for excitement.

What’s with the billowy slacks? Can we bring back the tight pants, clams?

Middleborough/Lakeville Line Train 011 (11:15 am from South Station) is operating 5-15 minutes behind schedule between Montello and Middleborough.

Ah yes, please explain to me, a baseball editor, that spring training games do not count!

It’s hard to hate plumage.

Honk if you remember red pistachios.

Hey, I’ve got an idea for new Bruins defenseman Hampus Lindholm’s nickname: ‘Lindy’.

Ever so rarely that man in a million’s born
Gentle and soft, but who’d just as soon off you,
For looking the wrong way as not

‘I didn’t even recognize youse cuz you look nothing like your mugshot!’ is probably considered a good thing to say when being introduced to a mobster.

The lesson from last season shouldn’t be “Do what the Rams did.” It should be “Any given Sunday.”

That junkie horse from the Kentucky Derby died?

That package of turkey from the deli grab-and-go section was $13.50, and not the $3.50 I thought it was? Less than ideal.

The PC Friars hoopsters will have some tough calamari to chew facing Kansas.

Will now be tweeting some random thoughts.

Best bet for the weekend: Bobby Dalbec adding to his Grapefruit League-leading RBI totals.

From The 15/15 Vision Eye Chart Column:

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, BSMW poster Laszlo Panaflex and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Hit the Panic Button!