Author Archives: scartsy15

01/28/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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And now you hand the trophy to Jonathan, that’s what you do with it.

Well, at least the NFL Network won’t be airing irrefutable evidence of Bill’s first-ballot career over the next ten days. Wait…

it’s clear there’s a QB controversy in Denver. How can they keep a superstar like Jarrett Stidham on the bench???

When they say that Diggs has had four kids this year, do they mean in the last 28 days?

Was the Pro Football Hall of Fame going to have Dylan Mulvaney announce the 2026 inductees? What a self-own.

Wow. Terry Pegula throwing McDermott directly under the Zubaz-themed bus and driving over multiple times. He says “the coaching staff” wanted Keon Coleman and Brandon Beane was just “being a team player.” Woah.

Vance Joseph looks like he manages a McDowell’s.

Imagine how good Joe Mazulla’s coaching record would be if he knew to call a timeout every time the opposing team goes on a 4-0 run.

Not taking the points with your backup QB and your defense playing great is spitting in the face of the Football Gods!

Ryan Leaf seems to hate a lot of the right people.

Even after a long bus ride back to Boston, Pasta is a good kid and Geekie is a scoring machine.

I don’t feel bad about making dated references to 90’s Seinfeld now that people are quoting The Warriors from 1979.

Cakes are cooking for Bill White, Alan Alda, John M. Fabian, Paul Henderson, Rick Allen, Jeanne Shaheen, Gregg Popovich, Barbi Benton, David Carl Hilmers, William “Billy Bass” Nelson Jr, Dan Higgins, Peter Schilling, Nick Price, Dave Sharp, Sam Phillips, DJ Muggs, Rakim, Sarah McLachlan, Jermaine Dye, Magglio Ordóñez, Tony Delk, Jarrod Montague, Mark Madsen, Rick Ross, Joey Fatone, Takuma Sato, Nick Carter, Elijah Wood, Andre Iguodala, Katie Nolan, and Whitney Peak.

Doesn’t happen often but the Bruins and the Celtics don’t often play on the same night BUT they do tonight.

Just wait until someone reads the news to Ted Johnson.

Speaking of The Warriors, Lou Merloni would have made the perfect Baseball Fury.

Red Line Update: Regular service between JFK/UMass and Ashmont has resumed. Trains continue to experience residual delays of about 20 minutes.

Is there really a Perkins School for the Blind hockey squad?

Happy for the biggest Patriots fan I know, the Big Cat.

Hey gang of Emerald Isle autists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “No one expects the Irish Inquisition!”

I love that fat shaming commercial, reminds me of being at a Minifan live show.

We’re on the brink of the verge of the Beanpot Tournament.

Bill needs to finally accept that medal of freedom to put the universe back in balance.

There’s just not enough college basketball on tv nowadays.

They’re going to ask all the committee voters how they voted and it’s going to total up to 55 ‘yes’ votes for Bill.

‘These people are the same species.‘
‘Looks like a still from The Jenny Jones Show. “Help! My Boyfriend Keeps Eating the Couch!”‘
‘Sexual Dimorphism Has Entered the Chat.‘

‘Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth’ – I had to look up the lyrics for Subdivisions, and I always heard ‘to smooth’ as ‘disprove’. This has been The Sports Junk Drawer’s Mondegreen Minute.

These names are annoyingly close. Mike MacDonald, Mike McCarthy, Mike McDaniel, Josh McDaniels.

Barmore hit Stidhsy like he messed with the thermostat.

Anyone catch the newest episode of “Stugotz & Company LIVE”? Yeah, me neither.

I’m going to let it slide because it’s his first one, but Coach Vrabes has to remember to immediately hand off the Lamar Hunt Trophy to Jonathan like it’s covered in broken glass and AIDS.

‘Belichick doesn’t deserve credit for drafting Christian Gonzalez’ people deserve a special place in Hell.

You think Planet Fitness was ever close to going with Fitness Planet? Or was Planet Fitness always the move?

Hell of a win by Seattle and congratulations to Sam Darnell.

The Little Debbie’s Valentine’s Day heart snack cakes are good, but nowhere near as good as the Christmas Tree snack cakes.

And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh, and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here.

Are we really acting like Jerod Mayo wouldn’t have this team in the exact same spot? Pats cut bait too soon.

All blizzards are snowstorms, but not all snowstorms are blizzards.

Out of the 7 NFC teams that made the playoffs, only the 49ers wouldn’t have been a Super Bowl rematch for the Patriots.

You let us get Snoopy’d, Rifkin!!

Every time I learn something new about Brazil, I feel that it’s just India with fatter ass-ed women.

News Item: Josh Allen will have significant say on the next coach of the Buffalo Bills. What if he said Sean McDermott?

Imagine getting angry about lobsters.

What is missing during this blizzard is Dan Rather strapped to a tree & the immortal Shelby Scott reporting knee deep in snow and howling wind.

Fist bumping Kraft must feel like dapping up the Cryptkeeper.

“Da’Jury Foreman” is a great defensive tackle name.

Apple watch fitness app needs snow shoveling category.

Honk if you remember 1971 NFL Draft first overall pick Jim Plunkett.

While appreciated, I don’t think Jonas Gray needed to have an official statement citing his departure from the team.

Mike McCarthy has corrupt Mayor physiognomy.

The Supreme Court thinks it’s weird the NFL Hall of Fame voters have lifetime appointments.

UConn may still also be a basketball school.

I would very much like to have seen Mayor Menino take a whack at saying ‘Jaxon Smith-Njigba.’

I think that fat shaming commercial was paid for by the LA Rams kicking unit.

So if Spygate and Deflategate were big problems for Belichick with the Pro Football Hall of Fame voters, will Tom Brady not make it in on the first ballot either?

Best bet for the weekend: more unasked-for trailers for Super Bowl commercials.

Stick tap, Joey Beefs. @joeybeefs

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. We all we got. We all we need.

And happy birthday to actress Ariel Winter.

01/21/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Boutte. Comes up big.

Lotta sports. Good thing I have 3 TVs.

Patriots win Sunday the ‘who people are rooting for in Super Bowl LX’ graphic is going to look like the 1972 presidential electoral map.

One minute your quarterback is spiking the ball backwards at midfield for no reason, the next minute you’re fired.

But I hear McDermott’s interviewing to be the number 2 guy at Al-Qaeda.

Khyiris Tonga joins the NFL “All Island” team along with James Cook, Xavier Rhodes, Howie Long, Matt Cassel, Taiwan Jones, and Jeff Ireland.

Fenway Park is officially the ‘Ranger Zone.’

I have to wonder that if the Patriots had to play Josh Dobbs this weekend if all the Boston mediots would tell Denver hosts how surprisingly good he is.

Being the new fattest guy at Barstool is like being the world’s oldest person.

Sure, Cardi B has sleep paralysis demon physiognomy, but she probably has a lovely singing voice.

When there’s something worth celebrating, Dondero is a breath of fresh air on the postgame show. At least he’s happy.

Cakes are cooking for Jack Nicklaus, Placido Domingo, Chris Britton, Jill Eikenberry, Billy Ocean, Marty Walsh, Mike Krukow, Jeff Koons, Peter Fleming, Bob Brill, Robby Benson, Detlef Schrempf, Hakeen Olajuwan, Charlotte Ross, Cat Power, Shelley Looney, Emma Bunton, Jerry Trainor, David F. Sandberg, and Luke Grimes.

If the Patriots lost Maye on a designed roll out that meant nothing I would drive McDaniels to T.F. Green myself.

Tuesday’s Wordle, yaaaaa…!!!

Here’s the thing: the sports media, they all hate their jobs. Which is why it’s so funny that they resort to “you hate me because I have your dream job” when they get criticized.

The Dedham Grant was known for its rich assortment of prized hardwoods.

The local TV news person can’t have a sports rooting interest? I’m surprised KPD would lump that riff-raff in with real journalism!

Jet fuel can’t melt pass interference.

I’ve yet to find a non-terrible person making ‘the Dodgers are not ruining baseball’ argument.

I’m convinced Sean Payton would call a pass play in victory formation.

Hey gang of opera lovers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is,”Fran Rogers gets tons of pelt.”

Fun fact: the heaters in Hondas are most efficient when set to blow hot medium.

Buffalo didn’t Stand Up for Sean McDermott.

Please remember, they’re not ‘sports betting whores’, they’re ‘clamdicappers’.

Blue Line Update: Delays of about 15 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations

I never understand throwing the jacket on the QB for 10 seconds during a stoppage in play. Doesn’t it make him want to stay under there?

Indiana was recruiting my older brother wayyyy back in the mid 2000s before they were the football program we see before us today. For that reason alone I’ve always hoped they’d find success. What an amazing story.

Harrison Meavis is an all-time terrible name.

I want Maria Taylor to toss me around with her gigantic hands.

Does Sports Illustrated know that Karalis is a real person? Because they don’t hire many of those.

Well, the brother of Carson Palmer thinks Stidham is good so that settles it: game on.

How do you have an entire organization whose mission is to combat Jewish stereotypes and then publicly bitch about paying out 0.1 % of your net worth?

I’m always team whatever TV drug is advertised. Doubly so when it affects my genitals.

Already annoyed with all the Conformity Gate BS that’s gonna come out of this SNL Episode.

You think Dart Adams ever messed around and made a Willie Bennett NBA Live player?

I just realized that candles with 2 wicks are just a scam by Big Candle to make your candles burn more quickly so you need to buy more candles.

What does Mina Kimes got to do to get a head coaching or GM interview?

Girl you’re gettin’ that look in your eyes
And it’s startin’ to worry me
I ain’t ready for no family ties
Nobody’s gonna hurry me

Just keep it friendly girl
’cause I don’t wanna leave
Don’t start clingin’ to me girl
‘Cause I can’t breathe

Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me
Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me
’cause I’ll just use you then I’ll set you free
Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me.

Using ‘The Ville’, for Louisville sounds like ‘Beantown’ or ‘Frisco’ in that nobody from there refers to it as such.

Here’s hoping the new Commanders stadium gets called the ‘RFK Jr.’

There’s never been a poor person named Tad.

I bet Rich Little does a great Frank Caliendo impression.

As an early adopter of AI, let me say this: It is far less advanced and sophisticated than normies perceive. You’re basically talking to the world’s most advanced screwdriver. Practical when you need to drive a screw. But you wouldn’t ask a screwdriver for life advice.

Honk if you remember John McEnroe getting expelled from the Australian Open.

Any college basketball games being fixed today?

Jarrett Stidham’s Arapaho name is ‘Wears Two Wristwatches’.

Think they’ll be some bad blood when the Habs visit the ol’ barn this weekend, Brick?

Nice to win the Jack Easterby Bowl.

Them Bosa brothers are about to apply for ICE TONIGHT.

Kendra is Temu Charlotte Wilder.

When did we start calling curveballs “sweepers”?

Best bet for the weekend: Flawless officiating in both Conference Championship games.

The upcoming Tubi remake of ‘Clue’ looks amazing.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Wild thing, I think I love you. But I wanna know for sure. So come on, hold me tight. I love you.

And happy birthday to Wareham, Massachusetts’ Own Geena Davis.

01/14/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Hunt Hen!

Look, the Bregman deal was for what, five years? But those Fenway Fest memories will last a lifetime. Maybe you all should consider that.

Glad the 49ers won. I had Eagles fatigue. I was Fatigled.

And all these people like Bert Breer are liars. How can you possibly watch a sport without rooting for someone?

Pastrnak ties a franchise record with six assists, moves from 14th to 7th in the league in scoring, and isn’t even the first star of the game.

D’Ernest Gets Released. Is this on BET or Tubi?

My biggest regret is I never got to hear Shukri Wrights or Mensa Matt Wilson pronounce ‘Borregales’.

No Longer a Coach Drip knows it’s cold in Cleveland, right?

I guess this Linus Ullmark thing proves that not all hockey players are gay now.

It’s just poor planning that Jack and Jackie Harbaugh didn’t have enough kids to fill all these coaching vacancies. Phil Rivers would never.

Cakes are cooking for Don Garlits, Clarence Carter, Faye Dunaway, Holland Taylor, Ronald Hunter, Shannon Lucid, Graham Marsh, Marjoe Gortner, Nina Totenberg, T Bone Burnett, Christine Belford, Lawrence Kasdan, Mark Egan, Maureen Dowd, Jim Duggan, Chas Smash, Geoff Tate, Mike Tramp, Patricia Morrison, Steven Soderbergh, Mark Addy, Shepard Smith, Daniel J. Schneider, Kerri Green, Terry Wooden, Zakk Wylde, LL Cool J, Dave Grohl, Jason Bateman, Angela Lindvall, Byron Leftwich, Cory Gibbs, Caleb Followill, Grant Gustin, and Molly Tuttle.

It just now dawned on me that both Los Angeles football teams are named after Dodge vehicles.

Scalabrine looks like a white Klump.

Poor Kendra misses out on up to 4 weeks of tweeting about traveling for performative fandom.

I’ve been told that Season 2 of Landman sucks. I read that criticism, continued watching, then Sam fuckin’ Elliott suddenly appeared. Are you people insane?

That it’s Bregman is immaterial. It’s that they traded Devers to free up more money, lost out on Alonso, and then couldn’t even retain the guy they said they were going to retain. Fuck them. And people think they’re gonna sign Bichette?

Oregon kept calling time out like they’d have enough time for a double score after the Hoosiers went up by 28.

So the guy who can’t figure out the velcro on his wristband hasn’t won a playoff game you say?

Hey gang of quiet heroes, this week’s Phrase that Pays is: “I would say that was one of the one or two hardest decisions… It was very expensive… It’s the worst financial implication since we’ve owned the team. But I’m a fan first… That’s on me.”

With a Patriots win, what does Los Angeles Mayor Bass have to send to Mayor Wu?

I thought I was having an acid flashback hearing ‘Oronde Gadsden’.

Percale over sateen.

Gonna tell my boss that I need a month off while I eagerly follow Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank’s Oscar campaign for Marty Supreme. “Could be his year!”

Red Line Ashmont branch: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a disabled train at JFK/UMass. Trains may stand by at stations.

The Bruins knew that the Rangers were so bad on home ice this season that they made them wear their home blue jerseys to get a Rangers home ice performance. Chess not checkers.

Terrell Williams’ prostate is the MVP of the 2025 Patriots.

When you get outbid every time it’s obviously a YOU problem.

What they never tell you about the portrait of John Henry smoking his cigar by the fire is the aftermath: he fell asleep because he’s old, the cigar fell out of his mouth, and burned up all his money [which was held in loose bags of cash] and now he can’t afford Devers OR Bregman.

My aunt got me Lee Iacocca’s autobiography when I turned 14.

Gary Numan is 13 days older than Gary Oldman.

I was thinking today felt like Opening Day at Fenway weather but then thought more and said they’d be lucky to have this weather for the home opener.

Jim Harbaugh always looks like something inexplicable happened.

The first day of talking radio man training they tell you not to take a position in front of a vehicle.

Tony Dungy dressed like Rosa Parks waiting for the bus.

Jaylen continually trying to get a highlight off on Wemby wasn’t thuddingly obvious and counterproductive.

Fernando Mendoza says ‘collaborative’ more than Herb Chambers’ Head Felon.

Who the fuck is Wet Leg, and why did “catch these fists” just grab me by the balls?

LA Rams could have the fattest 2 kickers in NFL history.

Kate Hudson, who has come out of nowhere to give an astonishing performance in Song Sung Blue, has been nominated for a SAG award. This means she really has a chance for an Oscar nomination, which would be deserved, as would a win.

Tell her you care each time you speak
Make it her birthday each day of the week
Bring her nice things, sugar and spice things
Roses and lollipops and lollipops and roses.

One day she’ll smile, next day she’ll cry
Minute to minute you’ll never know why
Coax her, pet her, better yet, get her
Roses and lollipops and lollipops and roses.

Why does every lady at every donut shop call me honey? That’s a little too intimate for a routine blueberry muffin purchase.

‘Sarge’ moonlights at Shea Concrete, by chewing rocks into aggregate.

What does rescind mean anyway?

Honk if you remember what denomination McDonald’s gift certificates came in.

Football & Golden Globes = major Twitter day.

The only thing I like more than replays and MVP debates is tush push arguments.

Since when did “New England” mean only Boston? Would be nice to see a lighthouse in Maine or a covered bridge in Vermont.

Alex Karaban has won 2 national titles but had never beaten Seton Hall in Newark before this week.

Does Mike McDaniel have to be interviewed twice to satisfy the Rooney Rule?

True to his word, Paul Finebaum’s going back to the old country – Ireland.

Do NFL teams get credit for extra points if their quarterback slightly looks away from his intended target as he is releasing the ball on a touchdown throw?

Best bet for this weekend: Texans leave the lettermen jackets in Houston.

“Stand up, Miss Jean Louise…Liam Coen’s passing.”

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. El Dorado, woo-hoo-hoo!

And happy birthday to British model, singer, and songwriter Karen Elson,
By Paul Hudson from United Kingdom – Karen Elson at Rough Trade, CC BY 2.0,

01/07/26 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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My advice: No travel. Barring that; steer into the skid.

Now Brother Jim Harbaugh finally has a chance to sit back, collect his thoughts, and read the NFL rule book.

A 50-point game from Jaylen! And then not. But the Celtics still won!

Ballots to the Hall in Cooperstown remind us how especially terrible the baseball contingent of sports media is.

Fun Fact: David Pastrnak has the most goals scored in 2026.

With all due respect to Dua Lipa, why is NBC using a British singer to advertise the winter Olympics taking place in Milan, Italy? Am I missing a connection somewhere?

Nobody at the gym yaps more than a guy in Adidas windpants.

I’m going to give Swayman a pass for last night, he’s probably still distracted by Trocheck making Team USA.

Merry New Year!

Cakes are cooking for Frederick Drew Gregory, Jim Lefebvre, Leona Williams, Andy Brown, Jann Wenner, Kenny Loggins, Erin Gray, Sammo Hung, David Caruso, Katie Couric, Linda Kozlowski, Kathy Valentine, Jeff Montgomery, Ron Rivera, Nicolas Cage, John Ondrasik, Doug E. Doug, Jeremy Renner, Alfonso Soriano, Éric Gagné, Aloe Blacc, Ivan L. Moody, Chris Messina, Lauren Cohan, Ruth Negga, Brett Dalton, Jon Lester, Lewis Hamilton, Lamar Jackson. and Ozzie Albies.

News Item: Peacock adding enhancements that may allow fans to mute announcers, control crowd noise.

The X makes the S superfluous in ‘Jaxson.’

Tom Heinsohn was a very interesting man. Great player. Two-time championship coach. Decorated insurance man. Brilliant artist. Excellent wordsmith. You got the idea he could be good at anything he tried.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem between Aquarium and Maverick. Trains may stand by at stations.

Can we next task Delta Force with rescuing Auston Matthews from the ingrate Torontonians?

Underrated: setting your heat for 50° and coming home to it being 54°.

Damn don’t give New Era your phone number. Countless texts trying to sell me expensive baseball hats.

Hey gang of Pacific Island holdouts, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’ve figured out that gifs only get fucked up in group chats. 1 on 1 chats, they’re good. I know this doesn’t help at all.”

Being in sports media is just as demanding as being an actual athlete or coach! Source: Sports media.

I see that worried look upon your face
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
She’s found somebody else to take your place;
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
I too have lost my love today
All of my dreams have flown away
Now just like you I sit and wonder why;
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
You need some sympathy, well so do I
You’ve got your troubles, I’ve got mine
She used to love me, that I know
And it don’t seem so long ago
That we were walking, and we were talking
The way that lovers do.

Anyone who kicks in my door, is getting stabbed in the throat.

Is there a DVD available for purchase of Laura Rutledge running from the sideline coach’s interview to the halftime report desk for all 17 games?

Ending credits of Stranger Things should have been to Shadows of The Night.

Amelia Earheart was as real as a person as Helen Keller.

It’s like you don’t even care to know that “Maneater” by Hall and Oates held its spot at #1 for a 3rd consecutive week this time back in 1983!

A classy statement from John Harbaugh, sent out from the Ravens. Love the emoji in his goodbye… perhaps an NFL first.

Florida is a very strange individual.

One of the wives of Cary Grant was Barbara Hutton. Her grandfather was Frank W Woolworth who was the founder of the F W Woolworth Company. Barbara’s cousin was the actress, Dina Merrill.

Honk if you remember the Blizzard of 1996.

I would like to see the Celtics wear throwback green road unis with ‘CELTICS’ on the front.

Why did Pete Carroll tarnish his legacy like that?

For nothing more than curiosity, it’d be interested to see if just once an entire cycle’s fired NFL head coaches would all join one team on the same staff and see how they could do. I’m sure there’d be jockeying about who’d be the HC or whatever but would be cool to see the collective wisdom from failure all concentrated into one effort. Just for fun.

Tony Dungy looks like if you left Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the sun too long.

Can we argue about NFL MVP today please?

Big Sky Conference!

Best bet for the weekend: One NFL feline team wins, and one loses and goes home.

So we’re doing it like this again, huh?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Buckner’s Legs, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Walk like a penguin.

And happy birthday to retired LPGA golfer Natalie Gulbis.

12/31/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Yep. That’s a hat all right.

Little Jonathan and Dummy Mayo should have had to drive around Greater Boston and hand out hats and tee shirts door to door.

Where was Chloe the dog when all this was allegedly happening?

I watch “Patriots All-Access” every week solely to see how disgusting Zo looks.

Love getting sucked in watching these late Bruins games and being more miserable.

There are (at least) two other humans named “Efton Chism”?!?

Pats are officially all the way back. Dominating Sports page and the Inside Track.

You’ve fallen into the BBWAA’s clever trap to get people talking about baseball at the end of December! Take some laps.

Why are Notre Dame fans mad at BYU?

Sandy Koufax (90), Tiger Woods (50) and LeBron James (41) all celebrated birthdays yesterday. I’m not into Astrology, but I’d like to hear what some student of the stars could tell me about that phenomenon.

Cakes are cooking for Anthony Hopkins, Alex Ferguson, Andy Summers, Ben Kingsley, Taylor Hackford, Barbara Carrera, Diane von Furstenburg, Burton Cummings, Tim Matheson, Bob Gilder, Tom Hamilton, James Remar, Jane Badler, Bebe Neuwirth, Paul Westerberg, Rick Aguilera, Scott Ian, Paula Barbieri, Brent Barry, Joey McIntyre, Psy, Jason Campbell, Denée Benton, Ryan Blaney, and Gabby Douglas.

PFF numbers are complete and utter fake news. Everyone knows this right?

I’d watch an Uncrustables Bowl.

Somali day care owners in Minnesota think CLNS is a scam.

It’s a good problem to still get worked up when this Celtics team loses winnable road games.

Hey there gang Of very with It pop culture experts! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Cardamom B is my favorite Spice Girl.”

Somebody get Cox Media Group and Verizon Fios TV in a room.

My brother took our Dad to the phlebotomist at Gillete Monday am and saw Hollins walk in. Had a bad feeling when he told me.

You also know the Patriots are back when any matchup would be “bad news for the Patriots” according to the scribes.

Dondy’s gonna open his fill-in spot tomorrow with Greatest Stranglings in Sports History.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Rich Eisen is the worst. Was Dennis Miller not available?

It’s pretty cool that all of the men and women who work at Barstool have massive tits.

CeCe Peniston had another song?

Best Christmas ever. Had Kowloon with the boy and Nigeria was bombed.

I love a free Snoop Dogg concert during the game. But they hardly ever have a free football game at a concert.

The Patriots beat more women than Martina Navratilova.

Sunisa Lee is my favorite NFR photographer.

Doug Drabek had a better prime than Andy Pettitte did.

I’m so stressed out that I DMed someone to ask if they wanted to see my bologna and now I’m worried I might have been a creep.

All lesbians are Irish-coded, so I’m ok with them being firefighters.

I’m sure Diggs is a total dickhead to be around but I’m also sure every other text on his phone reads something like “is you high bitc”

Chris Broussard looks like Eddie Murphy when he wore whiteface.

Wow, Bert Bell thought an NFL team could have success in one of the biggest cities in America? One with an existing 90,000+ seat football stadium? What a visionary.

In Diggs’s defense, have you ever met a chef? Some of the most egotistical psychos you’ll ever meet. Look at Jen Royle, for chrissakes!

Every chick looks better with the ponytail through the baseball hat. #facts

Do any religions recognize pop tarts as valid sacrifices?

I’m very disappointed this team the media characterized as being a bunch of no-names, cast-offs, reclamation projects and bargain bin finds is probably going to miss out on the #1 playoff seeding due to a tiebreaker.

Meanwhile, in the Bills Mafia Twilight Zone episode, they learn that the only thing that can wedge their championship window open for another season is an undamaged folding table.

Honk if you remember the movie Bill Murray and John Candy co-starred in.

‘Efton Chism’ sounds like a mild oath someone’s aunt might use instead of profanity.

Imagine being proud of yourself or having fun.

You know you’re playing in a prestigious college bowl game when it starts at 11 AM.

Don’t want to close my eyes
I don’t want to fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you (even when I dream)
The sweetest dream would never do
I’d still miss you, baby
And I don’t want to miss a thing.

Belichick did it right and got the guys a flophouse for when things got heated.

The US Juniors Squad seems to be good.

Should we start a rumor that McConnell called Walsh a cancer patient? Let us know in the comments.

Q. Game time temp is 55 degrees, why are all the in sportz ladies wearing gloves and winter hats? A. It’s cute cozy SZN. Also, broads get cold very easily.

25 years of not giving a tinker’s fig about who wins the NFL MVP comes in real handy right about now.

What do you mean what do I need night vison goggles for? To see in the dark! Duh!

Pour one out for the hip hop artists and such that we lost in 2025: DJ Unk, Irv Gotti, Gene “Groove” Allen, G$ Lil Ronnie, Lotto Savage, Sayso P, Jemini The Gifted One, Young Scooter, and Young Noble. Some at the top of their profession, others mid-process of turning their lives around. Tragic either way.

How fast can Barmore start dating Nicki Minaj?

Every time I see “retread coach” I think it says, well, you know.

Sometimes the Falcons play good, sometimes they don’t.

I will say, the thermostat can cause a lot of issues in a house. Not making excuses.

Rodney Harrison is more worthy of enshrinement in Canton than the majority of those finalists this year. Laughable.

Best bet for the weekend: Patriots fans waiting for a third shoe to fall.

We say farewell to both 2025 and legendary French actress Bridgette Bardot. Ooh, and might I add, La La.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Colored lights can hypnotize.

And happy birthday to Chinese-born actress Gong Li.

12/24/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Build a snowfort with a sally port at Snowport!

Thank you to our partner, Karma Asian Fusion, for providing a delicious holiday sushi lunch to the local collaborative today!

You’d think the 40 pounds of cold weather gear Lamar was wearing might also have protected him from injury.

No offense, but I have no interest in hearing about which items are not on people’s bingo cards. Also, I had no idea so many people played bingo.

It’s almost like Joe Mazulla is a good coach and Brad Stevens is good at finding overachieving role players.

Ann Michael Maye should do follow up TikToks where she cleans up the Bakemas mess she made in her kitchen.

Take a few days off, Bruins. It’s needed.

It doesn’t matter what NFL teams are playing… whenever a starting quarterback goes out with an injury, I just assume Gardner Minshew is coming in to replace him.

Is signing Wilson Contreras smile-worthy?

The athletes do a great job of not hitting fans, usually.

Cakes are cooking for Bob Lobel, Ian Burden, Michael Flynn, Lee Daniels, Carol Vorderman, Jay Wright, Gavin O’Connor, Jay Bilas, Mary Ramsey, Mark Valley, Deidrich Bader, Ricky Martin, Stephenie Meyer, Ryan Seacrest, and Riyo Mori.

My favorite Christmas movie is the one where they use Darlene Love during a montage.

George Pickens will make a ton of NIL money in the Transfer Portal (free agency).

Lifting to slow jams is underrated.

If Mike Tirico was calling the Miracle on Ice, he’d yell out that they still have to beat Finland.

Honestly, at this point everyone should just block Variety. They clearly WANT to spoil the moviegoing experience in advance. They like the engagement. Just mute/block them altogether.

Aita and Fajardo sound like Boston restaurants that closed this year.

Coach Vrabes always looks like he’s trying to remember if he unplugged the iron before he left the house.

Sex crimes aside, the island looks pretty cool.

It’s a tragedy that Jimmy the Greek never got to lay eyes on Derrick Henry.

Hey gang enjoying their time off, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That beard must smell like a ferret.”

I love Nike Dri-Fit shirts.

Orange Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Jackson. Personnel are on-scene to resolve the problem. Trains may stand by at stations.

Pit Beef isn’t a rapper who just died?

I hadn’t watched GREMLINS in ages. Caught it the other night and realized that’s where QT boosted the ending for INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS. (I’m sure it’s been pointed out elsewhere several times.)

I don’t even know why Oprah is in this graphic.

Circling back to my use of CC watching ‘The Wire’, I was unfamiliar with the S1 lingo. It was largely local drug parlance. So I went to subtitles and it informed me in a way that was much better to understand the show. And it’s also done the same for so many others.

I always look forward to the Celtics account’s Injury Report tweets to see if Tatum is still on it.

Tony Dungy looks like Red Skull in a BET version of Captain America.

I just spent an obscene amount of time explaining to my daughters that the Chiefs’ Kansas City is in Missouri, not Kansas. And now I’ve gotta put the toothpaste back into that tube?!?

Yes, I call individual black men, ‘the brother.’ I’m Richard Roundtree.

Brooklyn Raines – MLS player or OnlyFans porn star?

I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can’t make it all alone
I’ve built my dreams around you,

The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing Galway Bay
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas day.

Not a bad time to catch up on podcasts and Taylor Sheridan TV shows.

2026 can’t get here fast enough…2025 absolutely sucks…of all the shitty stuff this year, the icing on the cake is apparently Dollar Tree no longer carries the Animal Crackers I am addicted to.

I’ve never seen an Asian broad with nice teeth.

Our Boston sports family will learn the hard way. Every single one of them.

Yhoiker Fajardo is both a great and terrible name.

Honk if you remember the Bruins going over the dasher and into the stands at Madison Square Garden.

Darryl Johnston does not shut the fuck up.

A wild Home Alone fact. The Christmas film came out in 1991 and was such a hit in Europe that “Kevin” became the most popular baby name in France, Germany and Netherlands for a few years.

That Corona “O Christmas Tree” whistling ad gets my dog’s attention every time.

Happy Festivus to all the losers and haters.

Best bet for the weekend: Wasabi. Fenway. Bowl.

Why can’t we get associated with holidays like that?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.

And a Merry Christmas from actress/singer Taylor Momsen, seen here wearing her old Cindy Lou Who costume from ‘How The Grinch Stole Christmas‘.

The 2025 Christmas/Holiday Mixtape Playlist

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(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is a musical playlist for your particular winter holiday enjoyment. And everyone else who stayed off the naughty list this year. Click HERE to download. Additional song suggestions are welcomed in the comments. )

Mary, Did You Know That Bert Bell Invented the NFL Draft? – Upton Bell & The Drells

Roger Got Run Over By A Reindeer (Unfortunately) – The Skulking Muskrats

Carol of the Fog Bells – Foxboro Human Shield Chorale

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (and a few doctors) – the Bowen 5

Can They Hear What I Hear, Mike? – Live Zzam

Let It Snow 3.5″ According to my Ruler in Mansfield, MA – BHL

Rich Tried to Put Me on Santa’s Naughty List – Ferrante & Toettcher

Away in a Pallet Shack – MC 34 Year Old Jesus

You Guys I’m Deathly Allergic to Rudolph the Red #5 Nosed Reindeer!!! – Kendra Middleton

Shalise Manza Young – José Feliciano

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Expect for That Sack of Shit Stever)- Carmine Tazzi

Staring at Christmas Trees – Gregory Alan Isakov

Why Can’t We Get Messiahs Like That? – Bob Lobel and the Boston Jewish Men’s Choir

Happy Xmas (War is Over, Kid) – Rear Admiral

A Visit From St. Nicholas- recited by The Honorable Thomas M. Menino (deceased)

Fairytale of New York and of Boston and of Philadelphia – The Shukes

Eight Maids a Milking was #1 on my 2021 12 Days of Christmas Draft Board – Danny Kelley

In the Bleak Mid-Winter Ratings – Brighton Chilly

I Heard the Bells on Happy Honda Days – The Herb Chambers Choir

The MutStacker Suite – The Saratoga Tiny Brass Band

I Won’t Be Home for Christmas (Or Until You Get Offline) – Mrs. Bowen and the Chatty Nurses

Don We Now Our Gay Apparel- Zesty Freddy Lynn

Hark! The Herald Is Just $1 For 1 Year If You Subscribe Now – Callahan & Kyed

Christmas In Millis – Average White Band

She Bettah Nawt Bring Him to Christmas Dinnah – Keno Snapback Guys

Greenteamersleeves – The Blehhhhs

Who Told You King Wenceslas was Good? – Oafis Redding & the Carbonless Trio

Walking in a Winter Hill Wonderland – The Feebs

Angels We Have Heard on High Got Better Ratings Than WEEI Afternoons – Arbitronix

The Christmas Song – Mensa Matt

Last Minute Gift Ideas!

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ID 167997128 | Christmas © Anton Anton | Dreamstime.com

Hey, it’s nearly Christmas! And in the likely event you have a hard to buy for someone, we at The15 want to help. So here are some gift ideas:

Shoe rain coats, for the shoepisser(s) in your life,

Influencer Marketing for Dummies, for the Autist or Valuencer,

The Amazon 3,257,875th best-selling fiction book by Gary Tanguay, buy it and maybe he won’t creep you out by appearing on your streaming program,

2025 pennies, from the Denver and Philadelphia Mints,

Dedicated Egg Fridge, henhouse and layers sold separately,

Red Tinted Ring Light, for that perfect rosacea-y glow,

Upcycled scrap metal and other curios,

A heavily used (yet still functional) dot matrix printer,

3 season napkins, for those chilly days,

Karen Read’s Lexus

A 5 lb bag of Tom E. Curran action figures,

Red dye free hamburger buns, and Blu Blocker sunglasses,

A tiny house, culvert adjacent & perfect for weekday midmorning getaways,

RSLOSweatshirt, For the incel in your life who loves OnlyFans smokeshows and three-team parlays.

Merry Christmas everybody.

12/17/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Two goals in one game. Pretty good. Is a hattie for Geekie in the future?

They used to have cool pregame montages before big games on TV.

Biff Poggi is a tremendous Star Wars name.

Imagine how sore Phil Rivers is this morning. Damn. And there’ll be somebody reminding him, “it’s always worse the second day!”

Bummed the NBA cup is over, I really enjoyed not having games to watch.

I know America is back because I’m watching a white linebacker named “Jack.”

If Buddy Cianci was still Mayor, this guy would have been caught within a couple hours. Figure it out.

Holy cow. What a tragedy. Pray for Mahomes.

Do you think Donnie Wahlberg has a red phone that TV producers call when they need a Boston-themed gameday promo?

Ann Michael Maye make your husband as many peppermint chocolate cookies as he WANTS.

Cakes are cooking for Chris Matthews, Ernie Hudson, Eugene Levy, Wes Studi, James Alexander, Paul Rodgers, Ken Hitchcock, Barry Livingston, Bill Pullman, Peter Farrelly, Mike Mills, Tammie Green, Michele Tafoya, Craig Berube, Vincent Damphousse, Curtis Pride, Chuck Liddell, DJ Homicide, Claire Forlani, Tony Richardson, Laurie Holden, Rian Johnson, Giovonni Ribisi, Duff Goldman, Sarah Paulson, Milla Jovovich, Takeo Spikes, Arnaud Clement, Alex Cintrón, Chase Utley, Manny Pacquiao, Neil Sanderson, Jaimee Foxworth, Ryan Hunter-Reay, David Longstreth, and Nat Wolff.

Yeah, bro. Just add 3 MPH to your fastball.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Let’s not disparage big floppy tits.”

Coach Drip should take the ‘72 Lombardi out and drag it out around the parking lot from a rope tied to his car.

Nick Wright looks like he’d challenge Indiana Jones to a scimitar duel.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

An ACL tear is a sprained knee as a stroke is a headache.

This part of the calendar is hysterical. Half the days I’m using up my PTO and the other ones, my calendar is so empty that I’m sitting around diagramming new drills to run in my practices.

Carlton Davis III has returned to the game (fourth quarter, 9:55).

Congratulations to the New York Knicks for winning the NBA Emirates Cup. As far as made-up awards from an ethically dubious outfit, it’s no FIFA Peace Prize.

Had no idea there was a Utah NHL team. Been living under a rock I guess.

Honk if you remember where they serve meat in Melrose.

Just heard a radio commercial for a water filtration system. The woman doing the V/O says “it’s echo friendly” as in An echo that goes hello, hello…..isnt it pronounced eeeeeco(eco)? these are the things that keep me up these days……ugh.

Mentho-Lyptus!

Carlton Davis reminds me so much of Browner. Hope he doesn’t try to kill his girlfriend in a few years.

Decide yourself if radio’s gonna stay
Reason it could polish up the gray
Put that, put that, put that up your wall
That this isn’t country at all
Radio station decide yourself

Keep me out of country and the word
Wheel of fortune’s leading us absurd
Push that, push that, push that to the floor
That this isn’t nothing at all
Straight off the boat, where to go

Calling out in transit
Calling out in transit
Radio Free Europe (Radio)

Weather app tells me it feels like Drake Maye’s uniform number outside right now. I wish it felt like his completion percentage.

Families allow you to spend time with people you would otherwise never associate with.

How does Adam Jones not get punched every day?

Perhaps a boost the Bearcats need as Jizzle James returns to the basketball roster.

I swear Cena is having his 5th “last match” in a 3-month span.

Ann Michael Maye likes baking, and terrariums, and firetrucks, and hugs.

For seasonal home decorations, The Nightmare Before Christmas is really the way to go. Put them up early October when it’s still nice out and let it ride all the way through New Year’s.

Chloe the German Shepherd a suspect yet in that Hollywood double murder?

Fun Fact: Winning the NBA Cup qualifies the Knicks for the 2026 CONCACAF Champions League.

Eh, Patriots just got the Michael Gee Memorial pre-playoff loss out of the way.

Selling the Pittsburgh Penguins means FSG can focus of the Red Sox again. Right?

Best bet for the weekend: throwing all the records out the window when JMU takes on Oregon.

Congratulations to Bianca de la Garza on being recognized as Dame of the House of Savoy in the August family of chivalric orders. There is nuthin’ like a dame.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Rock and Roll fantasy.

And happy birthday to Canadian actress Katheryn Winnick.

12/10/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Oh no.

Notre Dame still has a chance at the CFP if Mike Pence does the right thing.

People saying Herbert was rude to Laura Rutledge are nuts. That was nothing; I’m ruder to more people than that every day before 8 am.

Great time of year for sports. Spring Training right around the corner.

Boy genius Jaylen Brown not understanding what having an extra chromosome means is still more proof Bill Nye is not a science guy.

Whether you like the Colts or not, if you’re not rooting for Phillip Rivers like this is a real-life Disney movie, you’re not a true football fan.

Don’t even think about it, Tom Brady.

Dave Portnoy hates antisemitism. Hates it almost as much as losing a tiny sum of money on a bad beat!

Anna Michael Maye is 1000x more likeable than Gisele ever was.

Shams is basically the guy at your wife’s work who, in an effort to bang her, tells her every little transgression you’ve ever made and will even make some stuff up if it gets her in the sack.

Cakes are cooking for Gloria Loring, Walter Orange, Susan Dey, Jack Hues, John J. York, Mark Aguirre, Kenneth Brannaugh, Paul Assenmacher, Nia Peeples, Robin White, Bobby Flay, Luis Polonia, J Mascis, Mel Rojas, Rob Blake, Brian Molko, Meg White, Matt Bentley, Patrick Flueger, Raven-Symone, Teyana Taylor, Kiki Layne, Joe Burrow, Maja Stark, and Alex Steeves.

The actual football fans will be watching the Idaho vandals take FCS by storm in 2026.

Hey gang of f-f-f-f-lipping winners, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We saw in some of the early games that the pill was kinda slippery.”

Guess what? You don’t get to be the ombudsman when you were a Mayo guy until the bitter end.

I’m a big vest guy. Mimics my wetsuits and keeps my core warm. And speaking of wetsuits, I won’t get in the water if the air temp is below 45 and the water temp is below 50. Different when I was younger but I’m old and a bit of a bitch now.

Families allow you to spend time with people you would otherwise never associate with.

Mary J Blige doesn’t get enough credit.

At some point the Dodgers will sign big free agents they don’t even have spots for and pay them to stay home so other teams can’t get them.

Blue Line: delays of up to 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Airport.

I’m 100% Irish 2nd generation and vinegar hasn’t come with 100 ft of any French Fry of mine..!!!!

It’s easy to confuse novelty acts.

Aroldis Chapman’s next arrest will be for pushing his wife’s face into some spotted dick.

Is it me…or are NFL officials getting worse? You can’t watch a game without seeing so many mistakes by those guys.

Spar varnish!

Gees, you’d think Pete Carroll had put an already-showered and dressed in street clothes Caitlin Clark back in the game to try and get one more assist to have a triple-double.

Soccer is behind cricket but above emu jousting in popularity in Australia.

Honk if you remember Bruno Sammartino.

Florio might be hated as much as Volin among the local media.

You know who Mike Gesicki loves? Mike Gesicki.

Researchers have recently coined a term to define Bob Kraft’s particular speech impediment. They call it “Orchids Aphasia”.

I’ll drive a million miles
To be with you tonight
So if you’re feeling low
Turn up your radio

The words we use are strong
They make reality
But now the music’s on
Oh baby, dance with me, yeah

Rip it up, move down
Rip it up, move it down to the ground
Rip it up, cool down
Rip it up, don’t hang me on the borderline

Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody have fun tonight
Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

I thought Fred Durst was dead; turns out I mixed him up with that fellow from Smash Mouth (RIP).

Jeff Kent? I guess.

The Ravens aren’t afraid to host YOU for Sunday Night Football!

Lay off Jake Elliott. He has rosacea.

What’s everyone’s encryption pin? Let us know in the comments.

Army. UConn. Wasabi Fenway Bowl. December!

Whenever I see this Notre Dame AD with the last name Bevacqua all I can think of is Tommy Lasorda’s rant on Kurt effing Bevacqua and I can’t stop laughing.

Maybe Texas Tech is good and that’s why they’re winning.

Jayson Tatum Ewing Theory Szn?

Best bet for the weekend: supremely overconfident Bills fans.

Spend over the threshold? And not have money for iced cream?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Lebron and BBtL, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Remember where we parked.

And happy birthday to actress-musician Summer Phoenix.
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