Author Archives: naop

Football Cat’s Conference Picks 2026

Storms brewiin’

Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.

My heart isn’t in it

And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words:
“Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014

14 day forecast?!?!?!

Sunday Early Dinner Time
Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos

Patriots bust Broncos

He’s comfortable at altitude

Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams at Seahawks (-2.5)

Horny Sheep spook Darnold

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Divisional Round Picks

It’s been a fun week basking in the glory of the first Patriots playoff win since Super Bowl LIII, but now it’s time to focus on the next opponent, the Houston Texans. What better way to break it all down, than a Dan Shaughnessy style look at how each team’s respective home town matches up with the other.

A football cat


Houston has the Johnson Space Center.
Foxborough has the Gillette Stadium Lighthouse.
Advantage: Patriots

The landlocked lighthouse is much more impressive

Well there you have it, bet your kid’s college tuition on the home team and thank us later

Saturday Dinner Time
Bills at Broncos (-1.5)

Buffalo sauces Nix

Buffalo are right at home in Denver

Saturday Prowl Time
49ers at Seahawks (-7)

Fake Seabirds rain on Purrrdy’s parade

Someone left the cat out in the rain

Sunday Early Dinner Time
Texans at Patriots (-3)

As that great Patriot, Patrick Star once opined: “The stars at night are dull and dim whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! “

SpongeBob had it fisrt

Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams (-3.5) at Bears

Horny sheep bang da’ Bears

This is why all Bears fans support two teams

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Wild Card Picks 2026

The Coaching Carousel is full

Congratulations for surviving “Black Monday” and “Mixed Thursday”. If there’s one thing the sports media knows it’s that coaches losing their jobs is hilarious! Ha ha ha!

I don’t think we’re supposed to be talking about this

But while you’re convulsing in laughter please remember to offer thoughts and prayers to all the hardworking people affected by the imminent closing of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, and the shuttering of Horse & Buggy Whip, LLC. They will be missed.

Saturday Dinner Time
Rams (-10.5) at Panthers

Black cats’ luck runs out against horny sheep

Don’t blame me, assholes

Saturday Prowl Time
Packers (-1.5) at Bears

Meat Men send Bears into hibernation

At least no one is getting ground up this time

Sunday Lunch Time
Bills at Jags (-1.5)

Guys, guys… don’t waste your money on an Esty witch. Hairy cows trample spotted cats.

The upside is more beach time for the spotty cats

Sunday Dinner Time
49ers at Eagles (-5.5)

American Birds pluck Purrrrdy’s prospectors

Sunday Prowl Time
Chargers at Patriots (-3.5)

The Patriots get their first playoff win since Super Bowl LIII

Do you feel lucky, punk?

Monday Prowl Time
Texans (-3) at Steelers
Men of Steel give Houston too many problems

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 18 NFL Picks 2026

Happy New Year to all who celebrate!

Happy Mew Year

From the home office in Nashua New Hampshire, the Top 10 Cat New Year’s resolutions for 2026

  • 10. Stop knocking things off the table… before making eye contact.
    9. Learn what “no” means — and continue to ignore it.
    8. Sit on warm laptops instead of freshly folded laundry. (Maybe)
    7. Eat food more slowly so humans stop accusing me of “inhaling.”
    6. Meow at 3 a.m. with a clearer sense of purpose.
    5. Fit into boxes without questioning physics.
    4. Respect personal space — primarily my own.
    3. Pretend to be grateful when receiving gifts I absolutely hate.
    2. Reduce judgmental staring to under 14 hours a day.
    1. Finally reveal why I do anything… just kidding!

Saturday Dinner Time
Panthers at Buccaneers (-2.5)

Black cats sink Bucs

Never too early to mark those calendars

Saturday Prowl Time
Seahawks (-1.5) at 49ers

Purrrrrdy swallows fake Sea Birds

Sunday Lunch Time
Saints at Falcons (-3)

Falcons excommunicate Saints

St.Gertrude of Nivelles, patron saint of cats

Browns at Bengals (-7.5)
Stripey Cats eat elves

Colts at Texans (-10.5)
Houston’s practice squad has no problem with Indy’s practice squad

Titans at Jaguars (-12.5)
Jags top Tits

Did someone say “Jags tit top”?

Packers at Vikings (-6.5)
Vikings win by default

Cowboys (-3.5) at Giants
Dart defeats Dallas

Darts is (are?) the sport of the future

Jets at Bills (-7)
Bills ground Jets

Visual flight rules are in affect

Lions at Bears (-3)
Bears send Jungle Kings into hibernation

Chargers at Broncos (-12.5)
Is this the long awaited Trey Lance breakout game? Sorry Patriot fans, it is not.

Cardinals at Rams (-7.5)
Rams rough up Red Birds

Chiefs (-5.5) at Raiders
Raiders are dozing for Mendoza

It’s not tanking, it’s napping

Dolphins at Patriots (-10.5)
Patriots drop Coach Drip

Commanders at Eagles (-7)
American Birds crush Commies

The good old days when Russia were the bad guys

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens (-3.5) at Steelers

Team X lives! Black birds get to prove that they aren’t afraid to lose on Wild Card Weekend.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 17 NFL Picks 2025

As it turns out, Football Cat was making rather merry yesterday, and is in no condition to make picks this week. But fear not! Other the15net.com adjacent animals have graciously stepped up to fill the void. Football Cat will be back next week, tanned and rested, and ready to ring in the New Year.

A poor excuse for picking a dog’s pocket every twenty fifth of December!

Saturday Dinner Time
Texans at Chargers (-1.5)

After a thorough review of each team’s sleep scores and rain gauges, Frank says take the Texans

My diet consists entirely of discarded egg yolks

Saturday Prowl Time
Ravens at Packers (-3)

Jocko doesn’t like the Black Birds

Sunday Lunch Time
Seahawks (-7) at Panthers

Jocko doesn’t like the Black Cats

Jocko is set in his ways

Cardinals at Bengals (-7.5)
Warren Dull’s second stepfather’s neighbor’s nephew’s grandmother once had a budgie that got eaten by her bridge partner’s cat. The stripey cats do the same to the pretty red birds.

Trouble brewing

Steelers (-3) at Browns
The Cleveland Pig will be drowning her sorrows at the feeding trough

The Ozempic has done wonders for her

Jaguars (-6.5) at Colts
Kenny the pet bee thinks the Jags swarm the Colts. Indy better have extra epee pens on hand.

She suffers from rosacea you inconsiderate jerks!

Buccaneers (-5.5) at Dolphins
Jasper loves the Bucs inside and out.

Keep shining! People notice!

Patriots (-13.5) at Jets
Loki is waiting to see a jet crash and burn

Think lovely thoughts

Saints (-2.5) at Titans
Millie says to lay it all on the Tits

Pay attention to Millie!

Sunday Dinner Time
Giants (-1.5) at Raiders

The Teddy the doodle is a fan of Pete the poodle

He’s hypoallergenic and machine washable

Eagles at Bills (-1.5)
Packo loves Buffalo, especially their wings with a nice coating of Rub Smoke Love BEEF CAKE premium all-natural beef rub and seasoning.

It was a very popular stocking stuffer

Sunday Prowl Time
Bears at 49ers (-3)

Marv thinks that Bears will lay low and then suddenly snap and go for the 49ers jugular.

Hi Marv!

Monday Prowl Time
Rams (-7.5) at Falcons

Cocaine bear loves LA

* loud grunting noises *

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 16 NFL Picks ’25

Do you like football? Of course you do or you wouldn’t be here. Do you like the color and pageantry of college athletics? We can see you rockin’ and reelin’, and hanging from the ceiling, so that’s a “yes”. And most importantly, do you like showtunes? *Squeals with delight!* Well Mr./Mrs./Ms./Dr. First Nighter do we have a fabulous quiz for you!

You know what would be fun?


Each of the four games in this weekend’s college football playoff involves at least one team associated with a Tony Award winning Broadway musical!

Can you name the show for each matchup? (click to reveal the answer)

Alabama at Oklahoma

“Oklahoma” (Duh!)

Miami at Texas A&M

“The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas”

Tulane at Ole Miss

“Show Boat”

James Madison at Oregon

“Hamilton”

Now these are musical cats!

Saturday Dinner Time
Eagles (-6.5) at Commanders

American Birds crush the Commies

Saturday Prowl Time
Packers at Bears (-1.5)

Northwest Indiana Bears grind the Meatmen

This is not in the holiday spirit

Sunday Lunch Time
Buccaneers (-3) at Panthers

Someone has to win this game, may as well be the Black Cats

Bills (-10.5) at Browns
What can Brown do for you, Patriots fans? Nothing. Bills cruise

I’d prefer to a lump of coal

Chargers at Cowboys (-2.5)
Fun fact: In Weeks 12 and 13, the Cowboys defeated the Eagles and Chiefs. In Weeks 14 and 15, the Chargers defeated the Eagles and Chiefs. That was the first time that two different teams defeated the previous season’s Super Bowl teams in consecutive weeks. Bolts shock Boys

Jets at Saints (-5.5)
Saints cook Jets

Thanks to the cooking Saints at the Nashua Soup Kitchen!

Vikings (-3) at Giants
Vikings sink tanking G-Men

Chiefs (-3) at Titans
Tits motorboat Mahomes-less Chiefs

Ahoy, polloi!

Bengals (-4.5) at Dolphins
Stripey cats win vs Quinn the Fin

Sunday Dinner Time
Falcons (-3) at Cardinals

Raptors raid pretty red birds nest

Jaguars at Broncos (-3)
Spotty cats can’t handle the (atmospheric) pressure

Spotty cats prefer being at sea level

Steelers at Lions (-7)
Jungle Kings can’t be caged by Steel Men

Raiders at Texans (-14.5)
Texans toast Vegas

Sunday Prowl Time
Patriots at Ravens (-3)

Road warriors roll Ravens

Glad tidings to all the Drake-A-Maniacs!

Monday Prowl Time
49ers (-6) at Colts

Purrrrdy pops Ponies

Meowy Christmas

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’25

Can you find the ten HR violations?

Late Night with Football Cat presents: Top 10 Office Christmas Party Mistakes
From the home office in Nashua New Hampshire, the Top 10 ways to turn your company Christmas party into a career-ending blooper reel…
10) Introducing the new employee to everyone as “the diversity hire we got for the tax break.”
9) Doing the Macarena with Karen from Accounting… on top of the copier.
8) Starting a conga line through the open-bar line. Congratulations, you just turned a 45-minute wait for vodka into a fire-code violation with jazz hands.
7) Telling the intern that the mistletoe belt buckle is “company tradition.”
6) Karaoke rendition of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” as an unwilling duet with your married boss.
5) Complimenting Stacy from Marketing on how “the red dress really brings out the exit sign behind you.”
4) Cornering the CEO under the mistletoe and saying, “Pucker up, you magnificent bald elf.”
3) Grabbing the mic from the DJ to announce, “This next song goes out to Steve in accounting—thanks for doing my taxes and my wife!”
2) Drunken PowerPoint presentation titled “Things I’d Change If I Ran This Place.”
1) Slow-dancing with the cardboard cutout of the founder while crying to “Last Christmas.”

Wake the kids and phone the neighbors!

Sunday Lunch Time
Browns at Bears (-7.5)

Bears flush the browns

If it’s Brownie flush him downie

Ravens (-2.5) at Bengals
Stripey cats pounce on the black birds

The Marlin Perkins Memorial Bowl

Cardinals at Texans (-9.5)
Texicans barbeque pretty red birds

Jets at Jaguars (-13.5)
Spotty cats ground the Jets

Chargers at Chiefs (-5.5)
Chiefs aren’t dead until you drive a stake through their heart and cut off their head

Bills (-1.5) at Patriots
Buffalo sauces the locals

He’ll sauce you and then roll you down a hill

Commanders at Giants (-2.5)
G-men master Commanders

Raiders at Eagles (-11.5)
Raiders won’t even cover

He got his cover last week

Sunday Dinner Time
Packers (-2.5) at Broncos

Denver curdles cheesemen

Lions at Rams (-6)
Horney sheep trample jungle kings

Panthers (-2.5) at Saints
Black cats spook Saints

This cat has seen some stuff

Colts at Seahawks (-13.5)
Fake Seabirds sink Old Man Rivers

Titans at 49ers (-12.5)
Purrdy topples Tits

The air is thinner up here

Sunday Prowl Time
Vikings at Cowboys (-5.5)

Cowboys hogtie Mini-men

Monday Prowl Time
Dolphins at Steelers (-3.5)
Yinzers feast on frozen fins

You smell that? It’s the playoffs!

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 14 NFL Picks ’25

Football Cat’s Week 14 NFL Picks ’25

Time to check in with everyone’s favorite nonagenarian sportswriter, none other than legendary boxing and gridiron correspondent for the old Boston Evening Gazette, Buzz “Lefty” McBride. Mr. McBride would like to share his take on the controversial hit New England Patriots’ linebacker Christian Eliss placed on New York Giants’ quarterback Jaxson Dart during the first quarter of Monday night’s football game.

Simpler times


Buzz “Lefty” McBride: “Looks to me like Eliss knocked Jaxson Dart onto Queer Street”

Exhibit A
Exhibit B

Many thanks to “Lefty” for his thoughtful and enlightened commentary.

Sunday Lunch Time
Titans at Browns (-4.5)

Turds top Tits

Did someone say turd tit top?

Seahawks (-7) at Falcons
Fake sea birds rule the roost

Colts (-1.5) at Jaguars
Jags jettison Jones

Commanders at Vikings (-2.5)
Feds raid Minnesota

Bengals at Bills (-5.5)
Buffalo buries Burrow

Just a dusting

Saints at Buccaneers (-8.5)
Bucs defrock the clergy

Steelers (-6) at Ravens
Scary black birds love a game played in a dark place

I guess it’s not good luck

Dolphins (-2.5) at Jets
New Yorkers feast on frozen fish

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos (-7.5) at Raiders

YOU want the Raiders to win, but you can’t always get what you want

Bonus bet: Raiders cover

Rams (-8.5) at Cardinals
Horney sheep trample pretty red birds

Bears at Packers (-6.5)
The pack is back!

Sunday Prowl Time
Texans at Chiefs
(-3.5)
Indoor cats can’t handle the chill of the open plains

Indoors is where it’s at

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles (-2.5) at Chargers

Patriotic birds zap Bolts

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’25

Welcome to Black Friday 2025!

Bring your cash in while we’re slashin’

Smart shoppers are avoiding the crowds by visiting the official the15net.com store to pick up their official the15net.com merchandise. It’s what all the cool people will be wearing to the office Christmas party. And who doesn’t want to be cool?

Q: Who could ever look cooler than these Fonzies
A: These two heartbreakers

Sunday Lunch Time
Rams (-10) at Panthers

Horny sheep skin black cats

49ers (-4.5) at Browns
Prospectors fry Colonel Sanders

It takes a tough cat to make a tender bird

Texans at Colts (-4.5)
Indianapolis Jones whips Houston

Saints at Dolphins (-5.5)
Tua’s Dolphins dunk tanking Saints

He’s not called Coach Drip for nothing

Falcons (-2.5) at Jets
Birds of Prey soar over sputtering Jets

Cardinals at Buccaneers (-2.5)
Pretty Red Birds fly past Bucs

Jaguars (-6.5) at Titans
Spotted cats top Tits

Did someone say “jaguar tit top”?
EDITOR’S NOTE: These are leopard spots, not jaguar spots. We regret the error.

Sunday Dinner Time
Vikings at Seahawks (-11.5)

Sam Darnold haunts Vikings

Raiders at Chargers (-10)
Bolts put out Vegas’ lights

You can get the top selling Jonathan shirt in white

Bills (-3.5) at Steelers
Buffalo wings Yinzers

Sunday Prowl Time
Broncos (-6) at Commanders

Rested Broncos bust Commies

Monday Prowl Time
Giants at Patriots (-7.5)

Pats head to the bye on a high

You can get the top selling Jonathan shirt in blue

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Thanksgiving Picks ’25

Turkey fans enjoy giving out gobbles this time of year, but what about America’s fastest, and fattest, growing dietary subgroup the Porksaterians? Well don’t worry Porky, we’re here to satisfy you with a serving of oinks.


Grant Huckvale (a.k.a. Hogdale):
Hogdale carved a niche for himself as an overly exuberant alternative broadcaster to the stoic and bland official Red Sox play-by-play teams on NESN and WEEI. Over the summer you’d see Hogdale clips occasionally retweeted into your timeline, usually after Red Sox wins, and you’d think to yourself “I think that’s the tops“. We probably all agree that Hogdale is special. Smash cut to present day, and we are confronted with a hog of a different color. Barstool, in an effort to fill an obese chromosomically challenged void in their lineup, swooped in and waved a lucrative (by part-time minimum waged Iowan standards) five figure contract in front of Hogdale’s snout and lured him into their slaughter house. Now Hogdale’s giant screaming maw is ever present, ever hot takey and ever annoying. To quote Rocky IV: “What started out as a joke has turned into a disaster”.
4 oinks 🐷🐷🐷🐷

That will do pig

Thanksgiving early eaters time
Packers at Lions (-2.5)

Jungle Kings slice and dice Cheese Heads

Thanksgiving late eaters time
Chiefs (-3.5) at Cowboys
Squantos feast on the Pilgrims

Thanksgiving overeaters time
Bengals at Ravens (-7)

Scary Black Birds bury Burrow’s boys

Black Friday Afternoon Nap time
Bears at Eagles (-7)

Birds bully Bears

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

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