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Sorry Sixteen Preview – March Sadness 2026

Posted on March 23, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Welcome to Round 3 of March Sadness 2026, when the true pieces of shit separate themselves from the turds.

You can’t tell the players without a scorecard

If you were expecting a “Sour Sixteen” preview, then we have one word for you… SORRRRRREY! It’s now the “Sorry Sixteen” © ℠ ® ™ _{^{Patent Pending}}. And a very sorry preview it is…

Region C
1 Greg Bedard vs 5 Dan Shaughnessy
It took overtime for Shank to sneak into the ~~Sour~~ Sorry Sixteen by the skin of his McTeeth. Look for Bedard to kick his balls up around his head.

The sun will come out tomorrow, but only for one of these two

2 Fred Toucher vs 3 Adam Jones
Fred Toucher spent a lot of time last week defending himself against accusation of racism. You know who doesn’t spend a lot of time defending themselves against accusations of racism? Non-racists. He doth protest too much advances.

Region V
1 Jim Murray vs 12 Chris Curtis
Advancing to the Sour Sixteen may be the second most shocking thing Curtis has ever done, but Large Gymnasium wins the battle of the bald middle aged dimwitted overconfident flash boys.

Curtis, in happier times, with the most shocking thing he’s done.

2 Marc Bertrand vs 3 Andy Hart
The Far Side kid burns lil’ Andy with his magnifying glass

Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 4 Kevin F Paul Dupont
The woman in sports snips KPD’s sports manhood

2 James Stewart vs 3 Michael Felger
Jimmy Stewart gives Felger the Lavanchy treatment.

Gentleman, hide your ladies… and your cats

Region T
1 Ted Johnson vs 5 Scott Zolak
We will finally get an answer to a question that has been confounding medical experts for decades: Which causes more long term cognitive issues, head trauma or substance abuse? We’ve got good news, you can keep doing drugs kids, CTEd snowplows Zo.

2 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer
Breer sends Kid Gas to the golden showers.

It’s outrageous, egregious, preposterous

Vote early and often!

March Sadness 2026 – Round 2 Preview

Posted on March 16, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Round 1 had everything you could hope for in a media tournament… everyone had a reason to be upset about something. There were a few mild upsets, some close fought one-vote victories, our first ever shutout win, plus a voting scandal! A veritable charcuterie board of results. #yummy

What does Round 2 have in store? Let’s consult the Oracles and find out…

Region C
1 Greg Bedard vs 8 Mike Kadlick
The former champ is coming to reclaim his crown.

4 Matt McCarthy vs 5 Dan Shaughnessy
Shank may be irrelevant, but still not as irrelevant as one of the myriad of doofus interchangeable bearded call screeners polluting the airwaves.

3 Adam Jones vs 6 Jarred Carrabis
Adam Jones will get exponentially more votes than he has listeners, and take out Carrubish.

2 Fred Toucher vs 7 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens
The Detroit drunk takes the carpetbagger crown from the Greek New Yorker.

Old Jazz recordings, or sports radio? Choose wisely.

Region V
1 Jim Murray vs 8 Christian Arcand
Large Gymnasium mops the floor with Ahhhhhhhcand

4 Pete Abraham vs 12 Chris Curtis
What’s the opposite of easy on the eyes? The tortoise will nip the sentient garden gnome in the bud.

3 Andy Hart vs 6 Brian Scalabrine
In this neurologically divergent version of “David and Goliath”, Goliath knocks himself out while David drools in the corner.

2 Marc Bertrand vs 7 Mark Dondero
The Far Side kid rolls on to the Sour Sixteen

Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 9 Jerry Thornton
A Rabbi’s daughter and an elderly born-again Catholic man walk into a bar, and each leaves with a greater respect for the other and a deeper understanding of the world.
Gabby wins this battle in the never-ending Holy War.

4 Kevin Paul Dupont vs 5 John Zannis
John’s Anus runs away with this one.

3 Michael Felger vs 6 Kenni Middleton
Unfortunately Kendra is away on yet another “business” trip. Felger waltzes on.

Excellent? Not so sure about that, Tone.

2 James Stewart vs 10 Andrew Callahan
It’s every caricature artist’s dream matchup. The Sports Hub’s Hunchback rings Wojak’s bell.

Region T
1 Ted Johnson vs 8 Trenni Casey
CTEd is going to beat Trenni so bad you’ll think she is his wife

4 Rich Keefe vs 5 Scott Zolak
Zo kicks Dick Teeth’s dick and teeth in.

3 Albert Breer vs 6 Rob Bradford
New TikTok lifehack: Using fresh urine to get wrinkles out of your t-shirts! Breer whizzes past Mushmouth.

2 Chris Gasper vs 7 Rob “Hardy” Poole
Eric Rueb supporters will know exactly how Buffalo Bills fans feel after Kid Gas prances past Poole. Oh what might have been!

Vote early and vote often!

March Sadness Round One – Day Two Preview

Posted on March 12, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Welcome to Day 2 of March Sadness 2026! Things got off to a roaring start on Tuesday, with Jerry Thornton and Matt McCarthy ekeing out one vote victories. Jarad Carrabis and Mark Dondero also scored single digit victories in a hard-fought opening round. One other Day 1 highlight was Bert Breer recording the first ever shutout in tournament history, by jumping out to a 50-0 lead over Jeff Howe and triggering the Mercy Rule circuit breaker. Such an embarrassing showing would be enough to drive a man to drink!

Region C
8 Mike Kadlick vs Taylor Kyles 9
Kadlick kicks Kyles’ keister.

5 Dan Shaughnessy vs Kevin Millar 12
This looks like a fait accompli for the CHB, but don’t let Millar win today!

Nick “Fitzy” Stevens 7 vs Cerrone Battel 10
New York’s finest should roll over the Raleigh NC DPW worker in this Battle of Fake Bostonians.

Region V
Jim Murray 1 vs James “Scaz” Scaramozino WC
The 43 seconds it took to look up Scaz’s real name was a waste of time.

Brian Scalabrine 6 vs Drew Carter 11
The public finally gets to decide who is at more at fault for the diminished quality of the Celtics TV broadcasts! (It’s Scal)

Marc Bertrand 2 vs Brian Barrett 15
Bertrand swallows Barrett whole. A little shaking, a little tenderizing, and down he goes.

Region N
Kevin Paul “E” Dupont 4 vs Joe Haggerty 13
A blowout on paper, but expect Porkchop Joe to make this tighter than the top button on his shirt. However KPED will prevail.

Phil Perry 7 vs Andrew Callahan 10
The sentient Wojak cartoon upsets Curran’s boy toy.

Region T
Rob “Hardy” Poole 7 vs John Karalis 10
Hardy wins the battle of the balds.

Chris Gasper 2 vs Eric Rueb WC
Rueb can always cherish that memory of his wild card win.

Vote early and vote often!

Football Cat’s Super Bowl LX Pick

Posted on February 6, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

The Patriots are back in the Super Bowl for the 12th time in the past 41years. For all you non-math majors out there, that equates to 29.3% of the time. Not bad for a franchise that used to play in a Zayre’s parking lot back in the AFL days.

The Patriots have now been to 4 more Super Bowls than any other team, with an overall record of 6-5 heading into Sunday’s game. If they win, they will break a tie with the Steelers for the most wins in Super Bowl history. If they lose, they will break a tie with the Broncos for most losses in Super Bowl history. So win or lose they are guaranteed to make history. We here at Football Cat World Headquarters just hope everyone has fun!

Speaking of fun, here is a fun fact: Sam Darnold is 0-4 against the Patriots in his career, three losses with the Jets and one with the Panthers. He has thrown 1 touchdown and 9 interceptions, with a combined passer rating of 41.2. The Patriots are the monkey in Sam Darnold’s wrench.

Are YOU really going to lose to Sam Darnold?

And as we head into the long off season, remember Tom Brady may hate you but Football Cat loves you. See you in September.

Sunday Dinner Time
Seahawks (-4.5) at Patriots
Fake Seabids can’t exorcise these ghosts. Drake Maye IS!

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Conference Picks 2026

Posted on January 23, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.

And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words:
“Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014

Sunday Early Dinner Time
Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos
Patriots bust Broncos

Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams at Seahawks (-2.5)
Horny Sheep spook Darnold

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Divisional Round Picks

Posted on January 16, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

It’s been a fun week basking in the glory of the first Patriots playoff win since Super Bowl LIII, but now it’s time to focus on the next opponent, the Houston Texans. What better way to break it all down, than a Dan Shaughnessy style look at how each team’s respective home town matches up with the other.

Houston has the Johnson Space Center.
Foxborough has the Gillette Stadium Lighthouse.
Advantage: Patriots

The landlocked lighthouse is much more impressive

Well there you have it, bet your kid’s college tuition on the home team and thank us later

Saturday Dinner Time
Bills at Broncos (-1.5)
Buffalo sauces Nix

Saturday Prowl Time
49ers at Seahawks (-7)
Fake Seabirds rain on Purrrdy’s parade

Sunday Early Dinner Time
Texans at Patriots (-3)
As that great Patriot, Patrick Star once opined: “The stars at night are dull and dim whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! “

Sunday Late Dinner Time
Rams (-3.5) at Bears
Horny sheep bang da’ Bears

This is why all Bears fans support two teams

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Wild Card Picks 2026

Posted on January 9, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Congratulations for surviving “Black Monday” and “Mixed Thursday”. If there’s one thing the sports media knows it’s that coaches losing their jobs is hilarious! Ha ha ha!

I don’t think we’re supposed to be talking about this

But while you’re convulsing in laughter please remember to offer thoughts and prayers to all the hardworking people affected by the imminent closing of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, and the shuttering of Horse & Buggy Whip, LLC. They will be missed.

Saturday Dinner Time
Rams (-10.5) at Panthers
Black cats’ luck runs out against horny sheep

Saturday Prowl Time
Packers (-1.5) at Bears
Meat Men send Bears into hibernation

At least no one is getting ground up this time

Sunday Lunch Time
Bills at Jags (-1.5)
Guys, guys… don’t waste your money on an Esty witch. Hairy cows trample spotted cats.

The upside is more beach time for the spotty cats

Sunday Dinner Time
49ers at Eagles (-5.5)
American Birds pluck Purrrrdy’s prospectors

Sunday Prowl Time
Chargers at Patriots (-3.5)
The Patriots get their first playoff win since Super Bowl LIII

Monday Prowl Time
Texans (-3) at Steelers
Men of Steel give Houston too many problems

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 18 NFL Picks 2026

Posted on January 1, 2026 by naop Leave a comment

Happy New Year to all who celebrate!

From the home office in Nashua New Hampshire, the Top 10 Cat New Year’s resolutions for 2026…

10. Stop knocking things off the table… before making eye contact.
9. Learn what “no” means — and continue to ignore it.
8. Sit on warm laptops instead of freshly folded laundry. (Maybe)
7. Eat food more slowly so humans stop accusing me of “inhaling.”
6. Meow at 3 a.m. with a clearer sense of purpose.
5. Fit into boxes without questioning physics.
4. Respect personal space — primarily my own.
3. Pretend to be grateful when receiving gifts I absolutely hate.
2. Reduce judgmental staring to under 14 hours a day.
1. Finally reveal why I do anything… just kidding!

Saturday Dinner Time
Panthers at Buccaneers (-2.5)
Black cats sink Bucs

Saturday Prowl Time
Seahawks (-1.5) at 49ers
Purrrrrdy swallows fake Sea Birds

Sunday Lunch Time
Saints at Falcons (-3)
Falcons excommunicate Saints

St.Gertrude of Nivelles, patron saint of cats

Browns at Bengals (-7.5)
Stripey Cats eat elves

Colts at Texans (-10.5)
Houston’s practice squad has no problem with Indy’s practice squad

Titans at Jaguars (-12.5)
Jags top Tits

Packers at Vikings (-6.5)
Vikings win by default

Cowboys (-3.5) at Giants
Dart defeats Dallas

Jets at Bills (-7)
Bills ground Jets

Lions at Bears (-3)
Bears send Jungle Kings into hibernation

Chargers at Broncos (-12.5)
Is this the long awaited Trey Lance breakout game? Sorry Patriot fans, it is not.

Cardinals at Rams (-7.5)
Rams rough up Red Birds

Chiefs (-5.5) at Raiders
Raiders are dozing for Mendoza

Dolphins at Patriots (-10.5)
Patriots drop Coach Drip

Commanders at Eagles (-7)
American Birds crush Commies

The good old days when Russia were the bad guys

Sunday Prowl Time
Ravens (-3.5) at Steelers
Team X lives! Black birds get to prove that they aren’t afraid to lose on Wild Card Weekend.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 17 NFL Picks 2025

Posted on December 26, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

As it turns out, Football Cat was making rather merry yesterday, and is in no condition to make picks this week. But fear not! Other the15net.com adjacent animals have graciously stepped up to fill the void. Football Cat will be back next week, tanned and rested, and ready to ring in the New Year.

A poor excuse for picking a dog’s pocket every twenty fifth of December!

Saturday Dinner Time
Texans at Chargers (-1.5)
After a thorough review of each team’s sleep scores and rain gauges, Frank says take the Texans

My diet consists entirely of discarded egg yolks

Saturday Prowl Time
Ravens at Packers (-3)
Jocko doesn’t like the Black Birds

Sunday Lunch Time
Seahawks (-7) at Panthers
Jocko doesn’t like the Black Cats

Cardinals at Bengals (-7.5)
Warren Dull’s second stepfather’s neighbor’s nephew’s grandmother once had a budgie that got eaten by her bridge partner’s cat. The stripey cats do the same to the pretty red birds.

Steelers (-3) at Browns
The Cleveland Pig will be drowning her sorrows at the feeding trough

Jaguars (-6.5) at Colts
Kenny the pet bee thinks the Jags swarm the Colts. Indy better have extra epee pens on hand.

She suffers from rosacea you inconsiderate jerks!

Buccaneers (-5.5) at Dolphins
Jasper loves the Bucs inside and out.

Patriots (-13.5) at Jets
Loki is waiting to see a jet crash and burn

Saints (-2.5) at Titans
Millie says to lay it all on the Tits

Sunday Dinner Time
Giants (-1.5) at Raiders
The Teddy the doodle is a fan of Pete the poodle

He’s hypoallergenic and machine washable

Eagles at Bills (-1.5)
Packo loves Buffalo, especially their wings with a nice coating of Rub Smoke Love BEEF CAKE premium all-natural beef rub and seasoning.

Sunday Prowl Time
Bears at 49ers (-3)
Marv thinks that Bears will lay low and then suddenly snap and go for the 49ers jugular.

Monday Prowl Time
Rams (-7.5) at Falcons
Cocaine bear loves LA

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 16 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on December 19, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Do you like football? Of course you do or you wouldn’t be here. Do you like the color and pageantry of college athletics? We can see you rockin’ and reelin’, and hanging from the ceiling, so that’s a “yes”. And most importantly, do you like showtunes? *Squeals with delight!* Well Mr./Mrs./Ms./Dr. First Nighter do we have a fabulous quiz for you!

Each of the four games in this weekend’s college football playoff involves at least one team associated with a Tony Award winning Broadway musical!

Can you name the show for each matchup? (click to reveal the answer)

Alabama at Oklahoma

“Oklahoma” (Duh!)

Miami at Texas A&M

“The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas”

Tulane at Ole Miss

“Show Boat”

James Madison at Oregon

“Hamilton”

Saturday Dinner Time
Eagles (-6.5) at Commanders
American Birds crush the Commies

Saturday Prowl Time
Packers at Bears (-1.5)
Northwest Indiana Bears grind the Meatmen

Sunday Lunch Time
Buccaneers (-3) at Panthers
Someone has to win this game, may as well be the Black Cats

Bills (-10.5) at Browns
What can Brown do for you, Patriots fans? Nothing. Bills cruise

Chargers at Cowboys (-2.5)
Fun fact: In Weeks 12 and 13, the Cowboys defeated the Eagles and Chiefs. In Weeks 14 and 15, the Chargers defeated the Eagles and Chiefs. That was the first time that two different teams defeated the previous season’s Super Bowl teams in consecutive weeks. Bolts shock Boys

Jets at Saints (-5.5)
Saints cook Jets