The 15

If I were the Celtics I simply wouldn’t have missed 45 out of 60 of my 3-point shots.

Popular player with the additional benefit of recency bias wins popularity contest. Oh noes! Congratulations Julian.

Why do I love small ball so much?

Unfortunately because of my knee injury I sustained at the end of the season I wasn’t be able to attend the Met Gala in NY last night as so many people have been asking and congratulating me on! Hate to miss an historical event! My beautiful powerful Queen was there holding the castle down as she always has done!

May the Fourth only Star Wars Day if you have a lisp.

Interacting with me on this app is like dumping a packet of pop rocks in your mouth and then taking a swig of sprite and shaking your face around. I wouldn’t have it any other way. True story tho.

Get well soon Triston.

Celts and Knicks have only had two playoff series since 1990. Damn.

St Louis got the Jim Montgomery Experience.

Cakes are cooking for Christy Moore, Bill Danoff, Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb, Amy Heckerling, Phil “Wizzö” Campbell, Ronnie Harmon, Chris O’Connor, Eagle Eye Cherry, Katerina Maleeva, Breckin Meyer, Matt Helders, and Cameron Young.

I don’t think Ben Volin knows what a liquidation sale is.

May 7, 1925: Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop Glenn Wright records a rare unassisted triple play. Against St. Louis in the 9th inning he catches a liner hit by Jim Bottomley, steps on second base to retire Jimmy Cooney and tags out Rogers Hornsby. Still, the Cardinals win, 10-9.

I like how religious Jerry Thornton is after years of celebrating 13-year-old boys fucking their teachers.

Hey gang of hall monitors! Thsis week’s Phrase that Pays is, “With all due respect you look like you just woke up on a hospital floor.”

I hope the Lakers waited for the Clippers at LAX for the trip to Cancun.

How come I never see the Mets at the Met Gala?

Same old Red Sox that we have seen for four years, isn’t it? Play well for a week, give away games the next, injuries at key spots, players playing positions they’re really not good at, middle relief is as reliable as Motel 6 air conditioning.

Just had a beer in the Cask with Justin Topa’s dad.

The Bill Russell Bridge (aka the new ‘Close the fuckin’ bridge!’ Bridge) and Boston Harbor are awash in green (the Harbor’s color about 35-40 years ago).

Sometimes a morning shower really hits perfectly.

Orange Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM Friday, May 9, through end of service Sunday, May 18. Shuttle Buses replace service between Oak Grove and North Station due to MassDOT bridge work.

How many goddamn slaves you need for a camel race?

I shouldn’t confuse Lily-Rose Depp and Millie Bobby Brown. But I do.

So I just learned that there’s a Wahlburgers about 5 miles away. I love a good burger, but not with a ton of crap on it. Meat, cheese, mustard, bread. Maybe some bacon. Not paying for crap I don’t want to eat.

Go on and close the curtains
‘Cause all we need is candlelight
You and me, and a bottle of wine
To hold you tonight (oh, yeah)
Well, we know I’m going away
And how I wish, I wish it weren’t so
So take this wine and drink with me
And let’s delay our misery:

Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone.
Save tonight, and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone.

I got a dwi one Halloween dressed as Hulk Hogan. Couldn’t even get Jimmy Hart on the phone. Someone threw an apple at my head.

Honk if you remember Shelley Long.

It’s got to kill the media to finally get rid of Belichick but then have to deal with Joe.

Hey Dart Adams: What were the circumstances surrounding John Amos leaving Good Times? $ or creative differences?

Mammoth? Like the rock band named after the rock band?

I can’t hear C.F. McCarthy’s without thinking of Tipsy McStaggers.

There’s still time to fire Kerr and replace him with Jim Park.

Maybe Will Campbell knew he was getting drafted by the New England Patriots and that’s why he wore green. He knew it was his last night to wear New York Jets colors.

Stop skippping The Preakness, Kentucky Derby winning horse owner guys, sultans, & conglomerates!

The Revs: owning?

Best bet for the weekend: earnest but hopeless attempts to serve mom breakfast in bed.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Victory!