Mercury, draw near, and to my prayer incline, Angel of Jove and Maia’s son divine; Studious of contests, ruler of mankind, With heart almighty, and a prudent mind. Celestial messenger, of various skill, Whose powerful arts could watchful Argus kill: With winged feet, ’tis thine thro’ air to course, O friend of man, and prophet of discourse: Great life-supporter, to rejoice is thine, In arts gymnastic, and in fraud divine: With power endured all language to explain, Of care the loosener, and the source of gain. Whose hand contains of blameless peace the rod, Corucian, blessed, profitable God; Of various speech, whose aid in works we find, And in necessities to mortals kind: Dire weapon of the tongue, which men revere, Be present, Mercury, and thy suppliant hear; Assist my works, conclude my life with peace, Give graceful speech, and my memory’s increase. -The Orphic Hymn to Mercury
Did someone say Mercury?
Sunday Full English Breakfast Time Rams (-3) at Jaguars Horny sheep shag Jags
Oh behave!
Sunday Lunch Time Saints at Bears (-4.5) Poohs rattle Popes
Dolphins at Browns (-2.5) Fairies fry fish
Raiders at Chiefs (-11.5) Indigenous Peoples are on the war path
Please don’t pee pee in the teepee
Eagles (-1.5) at Vikings Philly sinks Norsemen
Panthers (-1.5) at Jets Black cats ground jet lagged New Yorkers
Teterboro Tower, this is Piper 2-0-2
Patriots (-7) at Titans Patriots pinch Tits
Sunday Dinner Time Giants at Broncos (-7) Denver drops Dart
Colts at Chargers (-1.5) Indianapolis Jones pulls the Plugs
Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.
Packers at Cardinals (-6.5) Meatmen pluck pretty red birds
Commanders (-2.5) at Cowboys Washington shuts down Dallas
From Dallas, Texas, the flash, apparently official: The Cowboys stink
Sunday Prowl Time Falcons at 49ers (-2.5) Penix plows Prospectors
Monday Prowl Time Buccaneers at Lions (-5.5) Kings of Beasts maul Mayfield
Monday Sleepy Time Texans at Seahawks (-3) Houston upsets Fake Sea Birds, but it’s still baseball season in Seattle!
It all comes back to baseball, Danny
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Bill needs to dump that gold-digging whore. I’m talking about Freddie Kitchens, obviously.
The Boston Bruins quest for The Cup begins tonight, with no less than three alternate Captains. Leadership will evolve organically.
I’m hearing that Barstool just hired Frederica Bimmel.
Zdeno Chara will be the first player to hang his jersey up in the rafters without needing a pulley system.
You’re all pissing me off the album is good and it’s ok if you think it’s bad but like it’s not my problem. She’s cringe. Expecting her not to be cringe was your problem. BTW, this is how many of us felt about “Pop” in 1997.
If H. Paul Rico were alive he would crack down on the Bills Mafia.
For many of us this is a baseball High Holy Day, the 69th anniversary of Don Larsen’s Perfect Game. Or, as some prefer, Yogi’s Leap.
I like that Mark Sanchez went back to the bar after being stabbed. You can’t teach that.
Cakes are cooking for Rona Barrett, Paul Hogan, Fred Cash, Chevy Chase, R.L. Stine, Ray Royer, Hamish Stuart, Sigourney Weaver, Robert “Kool” Bell, Edward Zwick, Michael Dudikoff, Bill Elliott, Darrell Hammond, Stephanie Zimbalist, Joe Castiglione, Nick Bakay, Tony Eason, Reed Hastings, CeCe Winans, Matt Biondi, Emily Procter, Karyn Parsons, Matt Damon, Soon-Yi Previn, Monty Williams, Donnie Abraham, DJ Q-Ball, Kristanna Loken, Nick Cannon, The Miz, Raffi Torres, Travis Pastrana, Bruno Mars, Bubba Wallace, G Herbo, and Bella Thorne.
Cam In Taunton actually applied for a job at Barstool, but they told him he was too thin.
.A Ferrari beefing with a Sauber? I’m sat.
Imagine what Christian Barmore could accomplish if he only knew how to read.
Never skip face day, bro.
Orange Line: This weekend, October 11 – 13. No Train service between Forest Hills and North Station due to signal work. Use Shuttle buses between Forest Hills and Back Bay. Use the Green Line between Copley and North Station.
Hey Hogdale, You don’t need to work blue! You’ll never play the big rooms with that crap. Ask Redd Foxx. You don’t need the blue stuff, kid, you got talent!
Bob, I was lucky enough to watch the whole game on Black and White TV. I skipped school that day. I don’t think we will ever see that again. The present managers would have Larsen out in the 6th. I thought Jackie Robinson would break up the Perfect game. It was a joyous day. I interviewed Don Larsen many years later.
Most teams play better when they aren’t too busy being dumb.
Hey gang of pill hurlers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “when you grip the hide, hide your grip!”
Trying not to let small disappointments determine my day.
Good radio bit for Dondy: ranking the greatest sports stabbings. “OJ had the panache, but I gotta give the edge to Seles here. And Pierce gotta be top 3.”
We skipped the light fandango Turned cartwheels ‘cross the floor I was feeling kind of seasick But the crowd called out for more. The room was humming harder, As the ceiling flew away. When we called out for another drink- The waiter brought a tray-
And so it was that later As the miller told his tale. That her face, at first just ghostly, Turned a whiter shade of pale.
Foxboro Stadium in the 70s at a night game would kill everyone in Western NY and then invade Canada.
Honk if you remember Hyacinth Bucket.
Why make a name for yourself when you can just ride your dad’s coattails? Must be nice.
I can’t imagine being excited about that time 69 years ago when I read about a baseball game a day after it happened. And then saw the Movietone News highlights a week later between the Bowery Boys and the latest Abbott and Costello feature. I’m sure it was magical.
I can’t WAIT to bust out my Irish cardigan soon!
Has the Widow Russell forbidden Bill’s kids from using his bridge?
Much. Needed. Rain.
Well now I’m hearing Bill is giving his players warm Gatorade! An alum can’t pony up his buyout wad fast enough!
Puka Nacua remains a must-start in all formats.
Imagine not hating your job.
Either die a Marv Levy or coach long enough to become a Joe Gibbs.
Passed out at 6-1. The Yankees came back and won?!?!?!
Bert Bell created the Himmy Award in 1949. The Philadelphia Eagles’ Steve Van Buren took home the first one.
Best bet for the weekend: Football Cat’s win streak starts again.
We had a very funny footer gag planned comparing Mac’s outfit to something the Batman villain Two Face would wear, “Heads interception, tails nut-crushing fumble.” but then he had to go out there and own. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Pick Up the Pieces.
And happy heavenly birthday to Johhny Ramone and to C.J. Ramone, who is not pictured here and may still be alive.
I can’t be giving away prizes every other week! it’s unsustainable!
Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
We had another winner this week, who will be announced when and if they check their email!
Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Vikings at Browns
Cowboys at Jets
Broncos at Eagles
Texans at Ravens
Raiders at Colts
Dolphins at Panthers
Giants at Saints
Buccaneers at Seahawks
Titans at Cardinals
Lions at Bengals
Commanders at Chargers
Patriots at Bills
Chiefs at Jaguars
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our intrepid squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Breaking News: Baseball is officially over! Time to take out the air conditioners, put in the storm windows and start raking those pesky leaves. Sounds like a fun weekend of puttering around until Sunday Night Football, but you know what else sounds like fun? Banking goodwill with you significant other! Week 5 has a horrific lineup of games and the weather is supposed to be glorious. There’s no better time than now to break out the official The15 Fall Event Avoidance Generator and topsy turvy that motherf*cker. It’s the perfect opportunity for you, yes YOU, to bite the bullet and invite your loved one to the Foliage Brunch or the Hay Festival or even a trip to the Apple Maze. The Patriots play at 1 o’clock for the next five weeks – think ahead. Remember failing to plan is planning to fail.
Say it ain’t so, Uncle Joe
Sunday English Muffin Time Vikings (-3.5 ) at Browns Norsemen squash woodland sprites
Sunday Lunch Time Cowboys (-2.5 ) at Jets Jets soar to Cowboys crash
Broncos at Eagles (-5.5) Philly nix Nix
I told you these match-ups are boring
Texans at Ravens (-7.5) Scary black birds kickoff spooky season with a win
Raiders at Colts (-6.5) Indianapolis Jones extends the Raiders lost season
More belly rubs Dr. Jones
Dolphins (-1.5 ) at Panthers Black cats feast on fish
Giants (-1.5 ) at Saints David slays Goliath
Davey has been radicalized
Sunday Dinner Time Buccaneers at Seahawks (-3) Bucs sink Seahawks
Titans at Cardinals (-9.5) Phoenix grabs the Mythical Creature Bowl
Lions (-8.5 ) at Bengals Jungle kings dominate the battle of the big cats
They’ll both rip your lungs out once they grow up
Commanders at Chargers (-2.5) Bolts shutdown Washington
Sunday Prowl Time Patriots at Bills (-8.5) The whiteout uniforms whitewash the Patriots
Polar bear in a snowstorm on Hoth
Monday Prowl Time Chiefs (-3) at Jaguars Indigenous peoples skin the spotted cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
If the New York Yankees had won last night Karl Ravech was going to drive non-stop to Cooperstown and hand deliver the game footage to the Baseball Hall of Fame.
The Patriots are arguably the best 2-2 team in the AFC East.
Oh, I know how get-off-my-lawnish this may sound, but the fuss about a Super Bowl halftime show eludes me. Just give me a good marching band.
It took all of Europe’s best golfers playing out of their minds to just barely beat the scrappy US Ryder Cup squad. I hope they’re very proud for that.
Oh, you know, that old New England seaside tradition, “ringing the fog bell?”
Can you imagine Kendra Middleton eating fried dough at the Topsfield Fair? The zaniness would be off the charts! LOL
The Raiders let the Bears block the kick so no one would say Tom Brady’s classified intel helped them win.
Humiliating Mut is my favorite Barstool thing ever.
Watching the Wild Card game reminds me that the late Larry Johnson could not freehand draw the Yankees logo. At all.
Cakes are cooking for Julie Andrews, Rod Carew, Stephen Collins, Randy Quaid, Earl Slick, Larry Miller, Jeff Reardon, Leslie Burr-Howard, Theresa May, Martin Cooper, Michelle Bauer, Youssou N’dour, Elizabeth Dennehy, Esai Morales, Mark McGwire, Roberto Kelly, Cliff Ronning, Christopher Titus, Mike Pringle, Scot Young, Zach Galifianakis, Rudi Johnson, Johnny Oduya, Matt Cain, and Brie Larson.
Seth, Good luck on your Book. I wrote in my Book that the two most important positions in America are the President and the Quarterback.
I’m convinced the Sullivan Tire Guy is Greater Boston’s Jimmy Savile.
All Lynn Ferry service is cancelled for the remainder of today, October 1, due to rough seas
Tyreek Hill’s leg snapped easier than a three-year old’s arm. What?
Hey gang of stackers, this week’s Phrased that Pays is, “Mut just got cucked by Hogdale.”
That Ceddanne at bat against Weaver was one of the coolest things my eyes have ever seen. Like seeing a minotaur.
Fun Fact: ‘The Fog Belles’ was the name of the San Francisco 49ers first cheerleading squad.
How does a car race go to overtime?
Ravech acting like Judge playing right field on roller skates is making plays out there like he’s Willie Mays.
I’ll say it again: if you want to be a creator, don’t let brands exploit you. A massive food company just asked me to eat something so spicy it required a safety waiver and for zero pay. I’ve been doing this for 10 years and still get offers like this. No one will advocate for you but you. If a brand says, ‘no compensation, just community,’ the answer is NO. They don’t get to use your image for clicks and their gain for none of your own, because I promise they have the budget. The end.
Fire Country is at least an actual phrase. Sheriff Country makes no sense.
Red Sox Alumni News: Nice to see Francona bring the Reds to the playoffs. Ely De La Cruz is a fun player to watch. Rafi Devers played 163 games this season. Gary Allenson is still alive.
Cam has good rabbit-killing hands.
Zooey Deschanel looks completely different without bangs.
I’m jk I know this usually means a retirement tour or whatever but I have declared the Kings my punching bag of the year.
If you leave, don’t leave now Please don’t take my heart away Promise me just one more night Then we’ll go our separate ways We’ve always had time on our sides Now it’s fading fast Every second, every moment We’ve got to, we’ve gotta make it last
I touch you once, I touch you twice I won’t let go at any price I need you now like I need you then You always said we’d still be friends someday
I always knew Nick Sogard and Nate Eaton would be big for the Red Sox in the playoffs.
Honk if you remember ‘Memphis Seoul.’
Portland Heart of Pine playing on a field with both football and soccer markings is confusing.
Smokey Joe Wood? He was a problem.
Live is one of the few bands actually worse than Nirvana.
Happy trails, Al Horford. You will be missed.
I can’t name one Zac Bryan or Eric Church song, and I’m guessing neither can Gerry Callahan.
The Ryder Cup Envelope Rule?
Best bet for the weekend: early whiteout conditions in Buffalo. Check for Skyway closure announcements!
Douglas, Henry, & Diggs could get used to winning.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friend Hacksaw, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Souma Yergon, Sou Nou Yergon. We are shakin’ the tree.
And happy Birthday to model and actress Cindy Margolis, the one-time ‘Most Downloaded Person in the world’
Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport! The thrill of victory, and the agony of defeat! Welcome to Football Cat’s Wide World of Sports Weekend! In Asia there are the World Athletics Championship finishing up in Tokyo. In the Land Down Under we have an all feline Grand Final in the Australian Football League as the Geelong Cats (a personal favorite) take on the defending champion Melbourne Lions. In Brazil there’s the Grand Chess Tour Finals kicking off (a Blitz isn’t only in football kids). And who could possibly forget about everyone’s favorite jingoistic biennial golf tournament, that the Ryder Cup (any relation to Greg?) is taking place at Bethpage Black (any relation to Shirley Temple Black?) Even the Red Sox are prepping for the playoffs (PLAYOFFS?!?!) But Faith and Begorrah the most important international sporting event of the weekend will be taking place in the Emerald Isle, when the Steelers “host” the Vikings in the first ever regular season NFL game to ever be played on the auld sod. Why the Steelers you may ask? What a stupid question boy-o! Why I ought to bop you on the head with me shillelagh! The Steelers were the obvious choice because of their deep Irish roots. Steeler’s patriarch Art Rooney’s great-grandparents emigrated from Ireland way back in 1840 during the Great Famine. That means current Steeler’s owner Dan Rooney only has to go back four generations to reach his potato roots. Wow a 4th generation Irish American! There are only about 32 other million of those, and half are in Southie. So remember no matter how many times you drop “Sláinte” or “Éire go Brách”, your blood will never be as green as the Sainted Rooney family. Top o’ the mornin’ to YOU, ya’ spud!
The local Mick community couldn’t be more excited
And congratulations to Warren Dull’s Aunt on being the only human to ever defeat Football Cat
Choke on that Fluff lady
Sunday Potato Pancake Time Vikings (-2.5) vs Steelers Stillers hand the Vikings their worst defeat in Ireland since the Battle of Clontarf in 1014
Brian Boru invented sudden death centuries before Bert Bell
Sunday Lunch Time Commanders (-1.5) at Falcons Penix stiffens up and balls out.
Saints at Bills (-15.5) Even Saint Jude is backing the Bills in this one.
The Popes!
Browns at Lions (-9.5) Jungle Kings smear the Browns
Titans at Texans (-7.5) FUN FACT: This game showcases the only two teams in the NFL whose nicknames end in “ans”! Tex top Tit
Did someone say “Texas tit top”?
Panthers at Patriots (-5.5) Black cats get caught looking ahead to October.
Chargers (-6.5) at Giants Jaxon Dart? More like Jaxon Sharts the bed!
Eagles (-3.5) at Buccaneers American birds soar in this battle of the unbeatens
Sunday Dinner Time Colts at Rams (-3.5) Hairy sheep hand Indianapolis Jones his first loss
Jaguars at 49ers (-3.5) Mac tames the Spotted Cats
My good friend Mac and I can’t stop owning
Ravens (-2.5) at Chiefs Scary Black birds murder Mahomes
Bears (-1.5) at Raiders It is officially fall, and the Autumn Wind is a Raider… Vegas baby!
Packers (-6.5) at Cowboys Meat men grind up Cow boys
Eeek!
Monday Early Prowl Time Jets at Dolphins (-2.5) Jets take the toilet bowl
Monday Prowl Time Bengals at Broncos (-7.5) Stripey Cats succumb to hypoxia
I hope this is nitrous
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket or Big Y! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Vikings Steelers
Commanders Falcons
Saints Bills
Browns Lions
Titans Texans
Panthers Patriots
Chargers Giants
Eagles Buccaneers
Colts Rams
Jaguars 49ers
Ravens Chiefs
Bears Raiders
Packers Cowboys
Jets Dolphins
Bengals Broncos (Tiebreaker – total points scored)
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our squadron of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Oh, good the new 2004 Red Sox documentary has JFK and forced busing in it. I was scared they were going to leave those out.
Not sure if Coach Parcells should be purchasing green bananas when he goes to buy the groceries.
Jayson Tatum is now a spokesperson for Vertex Pharmaceuticals after using their new non-opioid pain drug, Journavx, following Achilles surgery. The FDA approved the drug earlier this year.
omfg it just dawned on me that we have a fantastic chance of getting a Lyss v Nai WNBA Finals, and if that wouldn’t be the best thing ever, I don’t even know what to say anymore.
Whenever there’s a Minihane live show, do the Minifans pick a Designated Survivor?
Red Sox are 5-2 now in minor league ballparks this season.
Jeff Hardy is aging in dog years.
Pats wore the throwback uniforms. Edelman rang the lighthouse bell; what more were they supposed to do?
Cakes are cooking for Joe Greene, Jerry Donahue, Gorgon Clapp, Emilio Castillo, Kristina Wayborn, Joseph P. Kennedy II, Hubie Brooks, Brad Bird, Kevin Sorbo, Allen Bestwick, Mike Phelan, Nia Vardalos, Rafael Palmeiro, Sean McNabb, Bernard Gilkey, Kevin Koslofski, Shawn Crahan, Megan Ward, Eddie George, Kyle Turley, Stephanie McMahon, Daniele Bennati, Drew Gooden, Ryan Briscoe, Paul Hamm, and Lisa Wang.
Alex Cora told the media Payton Tolle will pitch out of the bullpen for the remainder of the season.
2/3 of Irsay’s daughters… WOULD.
The homeless Athletics came into your house and beat YOU!
Fitchburg Line Diversion Reminder: Saturday, Sept. 27th & Sunday, Sept. 28th Red & Green Line subway service will replace regular Commuter Rail service between North Station and Porter. This allows for North Station Terminal Area Signal System Improvement work.
You HAVE to tag Jerry Thornton when you get a divorce. No way around it.
I have to wonder if Sal still would have created cancel culture all those years ago if he could have foreseen how it would eventually be used.
Bruins scoring goals in bunches, nice to see, even in preseason.
Tried to use AI to put together my fantasy football lineup for this weekend. Complete trash. Everyone’s jobs are safe.
‘I don’t want the bass loaded anymore?’ What an idiot Lou Meloni is. The term is ‘loaded diamond.’
Zolak’s pronunciation of “Steelers” isn’t triggering at all.
Hey mean and not for everyone gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s nothing scandalous, it’s just some broad on the internet.”
Wyomissing translates from the Lenape to ‘brook full of trull.’
I hope years of forced bicoastal living won’t place undue strain on Attorney Jackson’s marriage.
Dallas Braden seems like if Pat McAfee was in the Lumineers.
What if I don’t like Millwall? What then?
It’s almost like sportswriting attracts a disproportionate number of talentless losers.
Kirk Minihane might be retarded.
You’ve got “toss the egg yolk” money in this economy? Must be nice.
Walked into a strange cafe No one there’s ever heard my name Go to the bar, have a seat Talk to that woman sittin’ next to me
She ask me in a voice so low, She ask me if I come in here alone. She ask me nicely, “Can I buy you a drink?” You know I think she likes me, that’s what I think, I think she likes me, that’s what I think.
Can someone who has covered the NFL longer than I explain why all nine Patriots-Steelers games from 1981 to 1995 were in Pittsburgh? Was there no rhyme or reason to NFL scheduling? Just going off vibes?
Kay Adams debuting the ‘bait for a gang initiation beatdown’ look is certainly a bold decision.
Kenny Anderson: wash cloth user.
Honk if you remember NASCL’s Enemies List.
I bet if they try even harder the media can make one more person care about the Tom Brady “conflict of interest” storyline.
Vocal fry in a male is very off-putting.
Whenever Donald Trump comes after one of Bill Simmons’ friends he stops talking about Belichick. So who’s to say whether him forcing ABC to cancel Jimmy Kimmel is a bad thing or not.
Also, I really wanna go 100% on this but…I can’t cancel Disney+…I just can’t. Marvel has a hold on me. Disney/Pixar movies have a hold on me. Shit, Hulu does somewhat too. And now with WWE moving their PLE’s there? Ugh. I’m sorry. I’m still 99% with everyone though!
It’s good to be on the good side of the crazy coworker.
Ramondre knows he has to be better!
Rub some dirt on it, David Fry. Walk it off. You’re okay.
Can you imagine Kendra Middleton going to the Big E? Hahahahaha zoinks!!
Best bet for the weekend: New England improves to 2-2.
Bruce Allen Jr, the indispensable founder of the Boston Sports Media Watch website. A good man, a kind man, a tall man. Taken from us too soon. He will be greatly missed.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Walk, Don’t Run.
And there’s some leftover cake in the break room from THE BUTCHIE’S birthday yesterday.
“Where are my blue cupcakes!?”
Don, it’s RAH SHERSHONNAH, so a SHONER TOVER to you and yours. And just so you know, the only state I’ll recognize is RED SOX NATION!
Can you pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Simply pick who you think will win this week’s remaining games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! (Pictured Below)
…or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket or Big Y! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this week’s NFL matchups:
Falcons Panthers
Packers Browns
Texans Jaguars
Bengals Vikings
Steelers Patriots
Rams Eagles
Jets Bucs
Colts Titans
Raiders Commanders
Broncos Chargers
Saints Seahawks
Cowboys Bears
Cardinals 49ers
Chiefs Giants
Lions Ravens (Tiebreaker – total points scored)
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our gritty squadron of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.
Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.
And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.
Happy Upton Bell Day!
So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!
Sunday Lunch Time Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers Black cats get slapped by Penix
Packers (-7.5) at Browns Packko over Flacco
In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.
Texans at Jaguars (-2) Texicats hog tie spotted cats
Bengals at Vikings (-3) Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles
Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red
November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language
Rams at Eagles (-3.5) Philly rams LA
Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5) Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl
Colts (-4.5) at Titans Tits whip Indianapolis Jones
Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.
Raiders at Commanders (-3.5) The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos at Chargers (-3) Bolts best Broncos
Saints at Seahawks (-7.5) Saints remain winless in Seattle
Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star
Cowboys (-1) at Bears Da Bears drop Da Boys
Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5) Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.
Sunday Prowl Time Chiefs (-6) at Giants Chiefs cut the Giants down to size
9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth
Monday Prowl Time Lions at Ravens (-4.5) Scary black birds tame the big cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 