Drake Maye’s Top 5 Conspiracy Theories: 5. Fumbles aren’t real 4. Chemtrails are creating atmospheric disturbances which are increasing the number of interceptions 3. Prolonged exposure to the electromagnetic field emanating from Robert Kraft’s surveillance bunker is weakening the soft tissue of the players 2. The real Bill Belichick is being held captive in the lighthouse while his clone is out damaging his legacy 1. Fluoridation caused Mike Vrabel to have a six year affair with Dianna Russini
I do not avoid women, Drake, but I do deny them my essence
Sunday Breakfast Time Eagles at Jaguars (-4.5) Spotted cats enjoy a win over a spot of tea
Yeah baby!
Sunday Lunch Time Bengals (-7.5) at Dolphins Stripey cats feast on fish
Look a catfish
Vikings (-1.5) at Saints Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints? Dey be the Vikings.
Raiders at Patriots (-3.5) Birds may not be real, but Drake Maye IS!
Safety first
Browns at Jets (-2.5) Brown out shuts down New York
Texans (-6.5) at Titans Texans top Tits
Texan tit top
Colts at Steelers (-2.5) Yinzy over Indy
Giants at Commanders (-3) Greek Giant skins Washington
I thought you said “green giant”
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos (-3.5) at Chargers Bolts shock Broncos
Lions (-5.5) at Cardinals Jungle Kings devour pretty red birds
Roar!
Bears (-2.5) at Packers Meatmen grind out a win
I am not a bear
49ers at Seahawks (-3) Fake Seabirds soar as Purrdy slumps in the perpetual rain of Seattle
Yet another miserable rainy day in Seattle
Sunday Prowl Time Ravens (-3.5) at Falcons Penix slaps the Scary Black Birds
Monday Prowl Time Bills at Rams (-2.5) Horny Sheep clip Hairy Cows
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
You know what the most jarring experience was for me on Sunday? It wasn’t watching my franchise quarterback get obliterated, benched, and look worse by comparison to the backup who usurped him. It was the fact that I don’t care. Not “I don’t care” like I don’t care if they win or lose, or “I don’t care” because I have a steadfast belief that Drake Maye will turn it around. It is an apathy born from asking myself what else did I expect?, knowing we’ll likely see the exact same thing next week.
My only regret is that I previously said, “Maybe the Jaguars’ tendency to blitz will cause Maye to make fewer mistakes, not more!” Nice prognosis, idiot. Maye was pressured on a staggering 48.4% of his dropbacks.
In my defense, all of Maye’s mistakes actually came when he was facing little duress. That being said, his refusal to take what the defense gives him is maddening. He simply refuses to hit the open player underneath, on the sideline, or execute anything that isn’t high-risk.
Though they only scored six points, they managed to get the ball onto the Jaguars’ side of the field seven times. Each time, they failed to score a touchdown. Instead, they coughed up three critical turnovers—two interceptions and a lost fumble by Maye—ultimately walking away with only two field goals. According to Sports Bureau and NextGenStats tracking data, this ties the highest number of drives an NFL team has advanced into an opponent’s territory without scoring a touchdown in over two decades (matching a 2003 Patriots-Browns game).
The right side of the Patriots’ offensive line was a revolving door. Since losing Mike Onwenu the week prior, his replacement, Greg Van Roten, was also injured early in the contest, leading to a total collapse of protection. Veteran Morgan Moses committed a holding penalty born from bad technique, negating what would have been a 21-yard touchdown run by Maye.
(Maye had 5 WRs open here)
Maye’s short-term regression is indicative of how poorly Eliot Wolf constructed this team, putting all of his eggs in the A.J. Brown basket. Long-term, it is important to remember that Maye is not the first of a new wave of quarterbacks to suddenly regress after an initial breakout.
The more the league trends toward moving the ball up the field while only half-heartedly embracing a conservative scheme, the more this same story will play out for reasons beyond on-field personnel and the offensive coordinator. Trevor Lawrence struggled mightily until this past season, often waxing and waning, until finally learning enough that you can confidently say he’s a quarterback you can win your division with. There was no magic elixir, no change in play-calling, and no influx of talent. His brain finally learned how to play football. It is that simple fact fans don’t wish to accept as reality for Maye: he does not know how to play football yet. Full stop.
Bad Mechanics, anyone?
The people clamoring for him to be Tom Brady—to be a model of consistent excellence for 20 years—need to get their heads checked. He’ll never be that, and we’ll likely never see that again. What we can get is year-after-year development into a solid, savvy quarterback who won’t make it his personal mission to give the ball away. He’s 24 and a bit of a moron, but what we saw in 2025 doesn’t magically disappear overnight.
For the first three games of this season, the Patriots offense has scored 29 points on 30 drives. You know what that is comparable to? The 2021 New York Jets, led by Zach Wilson. (Link to the tweet that is proof of this —
The Patriots offense has scored 29 points on 30 drives this season
That’s the fewest points per drive (0.97) by any team through 3 games since the 2021 Jets in the 1st 3 starts of Zach Wilson’s career
I never thought I’d be clamoring for Cam Ward to be my quarterback three games into the year, yet here we are. Is Ward good? Certainly not. He misses open guys routinely and scored only seven points against the Giants in a game that was begging to be taken. But you know what he doesn’t do? Turn the ball over. If Maye had Ward’s paltry stats of two touchdowns and one interception, as opposed to one touchdown and six interceptions, this team is 2-1—or hell, maybe 3-0 if they could give their defense a needed respite. Give me the quarterback who understands on some macro level that he sucks and plays within his limitations over the quarterback who says all the right things about accountability but goes out there and makes the same mistakes. At this point, any Patriots possession that ends in a punt rather than a turnover should be welcomed.
Is it a sign of defeat when you say not to expect a championship-level quarterback this season, next season, or even the season after that? Of course it is! But you shouldn’t hope for Maye to be that right now because it’s akin to banging your head against a wall. Just hope he becomes someone the Patriots are willing to keep around on a reasonable salary when his rookie contract is torn up. They won’t do it, and they absolutely shouldn’t do it, but I’d be inclined to want to see Tommy DeVito out there—knowing he isn’t any good—out of sheer curiosity to see if my inclination that this is largely Maye’s fault is correct. In the stint DeVito had in garbage time against Jacksonville, he did not turn the ball over, completed three passes for 30 yards, and logged an efficient 77 passer rating. The ball came out quickly, and the Patriots played a cleaner brand of offense in that little stint than at any point prior this season.
If you were to ask me in August how I saw this first matchup against the Bills going, I’d tell you both quarterbacks would try to keep the opposing team in the game, and ultimately it would come down to coaching and the fact that Buffalo’s defense stinks, allowing the Patriots to eke out a win. Now? I thoroughly expect a boat race. The good news is that after Buffalo, the Patriots have two easier games against Las Vegas and New York. While the Raiders are 3-0 and the Jets are feisty, the Patriots should not lose those games. If they lose those, you might as well start preparing for 2027.
If they can claw their way to 3-3 heading into week six, maybe A.J. Brown comes back, the offense opens up a little, Maye steadies himself, and the team can play the conservative style it needs to remain competitive for a playoff spot.
Vinny Jace is a special contributor to The15net.com.
The Patriots are back in the Super Bowl for the 12th time in the past 41years. For all you non-math majors out there, that equates to 29.3% of the time. Not bad for a franchise that used to play in a Zayre’s parking lot back in the AFL days.
No metal bleachers
The Patriots have now been to 4 more Super Bowls than any other team, with an overall record of 6-5 heading into Sunday’s game. If they win, they will break a tie with the Steelers for the most wins in Super Bowl history. If they lose, they will break a tie with the Broncos for most losses in Super Bowl history. So win or lose they are guaranteed to make history. We here at Football Cat World Headquarters just hope everyone has fun!
Nothing is more fun than winning!
Speaking of fun, here is a fun fact: Sam Darnold is 0-4 against the Patriots in his career, three losses with the Jets and one with the Panthers. He has thrown 1 touchdown and 9 interceptions, with a combined passer rating of 41.2. The Patriots are the monkey in Sam Darnold’s wrench.
Are YOU really going to lose to Sam Darnold?
And as we head into the long off season, remember Tom Brady may hate you but Football Cat loves you. See you in September.
Sunday Dinner Time Seahawks (-4.5) at Patriots Fake Seabids can’t exorcise these ghosts. Drake Maye IS!
You go girl!
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.
My heart isn’t in it
And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words: “Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014
14 day forecast?!?!?!
Sunday Early Dinner Time Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos Patriots bust Broncos
He’s comfortable at altitude
Sunday Late Dinner Time Rams at Seahawks (-2.5) Horny Sheep spook Darnold
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
It’s been a fun week basking in the glory of the first Patriots playoff win since Super Bowl LIII, but now it’s time to focus on the next opponent, the Houston Texans. What better way to break it all down, than a Dan Shaughnessy style look at how each team’s respective home town matches up with the other.
A football cat
Houston has the Johnson Space Center. Foxborough has the Gillette Stadium Lighthouse. Advantage:Patriots
The landlocked lighthouse is much more impressive
Well there you have it, bet your kid’s college tuition on the home team and thank us later
Saturday Dinner Time Bills at Broncos (-1.5) Buffalo sauces Nix
Buffalo are right at home in Denver
Saturday Prowl Time 49ers at Seahawks (-7) Fake Seabirds rain on Purrrdy’s parade
Someone left the cat out in the rain
Sunday Early Dinner Time Texans at Patriots (-3) As that great Patriot, Patrick Star once opined: “The stars at night are dull and dim whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! “
SpongeBob had it fisrt
Sunday Late Dinner Time Rams (-3.5) at Bears Horny sheep bang da’ Bears
This is why all Bears fans support two teams
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
As DRAKE-A-MAYENIA sweeps the six state region, we’d just like to remind you where you first were introduced to that fantastic (and potentially lucrative) phrase… it was HERE, in Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’24!
and also here, in Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’24!
Double TRADEMARK!
As part of our pending intellectual property infringement lawsuit(s), our special council has advised us to put all of our ideas out there (that’s legal jargon). So without further ado we bring you our latest potential merchandise ideas (TRADEMARK!):
Remember, never settle for cheap imitations when you can choose the high quality original! Only available (potentially) at the15net.com official store!
Sunday Desayuno Time Commanders at Dolphins (-2.5) ¡Los delfines ganan!
Sunday Lunch Time Panthers at Falcons (-3.5) Black cats can’t catch a break, or find a win
Times are tough
Buccaneers at Bills (-6) Bills bully Baker
Chargers (-3) at Jaguars Spotted cats get zapped by Plugs
From the golden age of advertising
Bears at Vikings (-2.5) Norsemen sneak by sleepy Bears
Packers (-7) at Giants There will be no metamorphosis under Kafka’s leadership.
High brow humor!
Bengals at Steelers (-5.5) Yinzers flatten Flacco
Texans (-6) at Titans Tex squeezes Tits
Sunday Dinner Time 49ers (-3) at Cardinals Purrrrdy swallows pretty red birds
He’s gaining on you red
Seahawks at Rams (-3) Horny sheep trample fake sea birds
Ravens (-7.5) at Browns Scary black birds flush the Browns
If it’s brown, flush it down
Chiefs (-3.5) at Broncos Chiefs bust Broncos
Sunday Prowl Time Lions at Eagles (-2.5) Jungle kings claw out a win in Philly
He likes his cheese steak extra cheesy
Monday Prowl Time Cowboys (-3.5) at Raiders Ranch hands rustle Raiders
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Every one of your suggestions was fantastic, unfortunately we don’t have the bandwidth to print them all here, but rest assured they will be available for download once the World Series is over. Until then, enjoy this random assortment of responses:
“Blue square lapel pins” – Robert K., Brookline, MA
“A variety of Buddha faux succulent terrariums” – Arianne S., Peabody MA
“Hugs” – Mike M., Enfield CT
“Resumes” – Jerod M., North Attleborough, MA
“Disease infested blankets” – Jeffrey A., Amherst MA
“Yolks from hard boiled eggs” – Brian L., Mansfield MA
“Blue cupcakes” – Joshua M., Nashua NH
“EpiPens” – Kendra M., Jacksonville FL
“Keep your grimy fingers off my blue cupcakes f*ck face. Give out some of those hand sanitizer bottles you’ve been swigging.” – Roger S., Nashua NH
“Serial killer vibes” – Jonathan B., Stoughton MA
“A free ride home from any detox center” – Frank S., Peabody MA
“L’s” – Steve R., Lowell MA
“Charcoal” – Bryan D., Quincy MA
“I can’t remember the question” – Corey B., Dorchester, MA
Speaking of early onset Alzheimer’s, don’t forget to turn those clocks back on Sunday
Why am I waiting an extra hour to eat?
Sunday Lunch Time Bears (-2.5) at Bengals Tigers lose to Bears, oh my!
Vikings at Lions (-8.5) Jungle kings maul marauders
Panthers at Packers (-12.5) Meatmen slice and dice black cats
I think I’d prefer the slicing and dicing
Broncos (-1.5) at Texans Broncos nix Texicans
Falcons at Patriots (-5.5) Patriots finally get revenge for almost losing the Super Bowl nine years ago
What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander?
49ers (-2.5) at Giants Prospectors pinch Pituitaries
Colts (-3) at Steelers Indianapolis Jones yanks Yinzers
Chargers (-9.5) at Titans Bolts tingle Tits
It looks safe to me
Sunday Dinner Time Saints at Rams (-14) Saints get excommunicated in the City of Angels
Jaguars (-3) at Raiders Spotty cats claw Pete’s poodles
Get busy doodle boy
Chiefs (-2) at Bills Chiefs take down tatanka
Those are some crazy looking coyotes
Sunday Prowl Time Seahawks (-3.5) at Commanders Fake sea birds soar over swamp things
Monday Prowl Time Cardinals at Cowboys (-2.5) Cowboys cage pretty red birds
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.
Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.
And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.
Happy Upton Bell Day!
So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!
Sunday Lunch Time Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers Black cats get slapped by Penix
Packers (-7.5) at Browns Packko over Flacco
In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.
Texans at Jaguars (-2) Texicats hog tie spotted cats
Bengals at Vikings (-3) Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles
Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red
November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language
Rams at Eagles (-3.5) Philly rams LA
Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5) Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl
Colts (-4.5) at Titans Tits whip Indianapolis Jones
Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.
Raiders at Commanders (-3.5) The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins
Sunday Dinner Time Broncos at Chargers (-3) Bolts best Broncos
Saints at Seahawks (-7.5) Saints remain winless in Seattle
Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star
Cowboys (-1) at Bears Da Bears drop Da Boys
Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5) Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.
Sunday Prowl Time Chiefs (-6) at Giants Chiefs cut the Giants down to size
9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth
Monday Prowl Time Lions at Ravens (-4.5) Scary black birds tame the big cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Football Cat is tired from watching the Patriotic Birds play the Pokes.
Your long wait is finally over, and so is your Summah, football season is upon us! And this season is no ordinary season… this season YOU (yes, YOU!) get the opportunity to go head to head with our very own Feline Football Forecaster, the one, the only Football Cat!
One of our interns (I haven’t taken time to learn their names yet) outlined the rules in an earlier post.
The Cliff Notes version: If you can pick more winners than Football Cat you will be eligible to win a fabulous The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack! Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of tonight’s game) and our plucky squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants! It’s that easy. All you have to lose is your self respect.
Which leaves us with the question… Can YOU beat Football Cat?
Actual prize may vary
Sexta à Noite Prowl Time Chiefs (-3) vs Chargers “I play the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil ‘Cause everybody plays the beautiful game while I’m in Brazil ‘Cause it’s all we’ve ever wanted, and it’s all that you want still Don’t you wanna play the beautiful game out in Brazil?”
Plugs shock Chiefs in the Southern Hemisphere’s Winter Classic
Pelé knew which game was the real o jogo bonito
Sunday Lunch Time Buccaneers (-2) at Falcons An opening week NFC South six pointer! Why wasn’t this on Sunday Night Football? Bucs win and all but clinch the division
Bengals (-6) at Browns Stripey cats leave the Browns strewn across their litter box
Actually Cleveland is a really nice place… for me to poop on!
Dolphins at Colts (-1.5) Ponies pop Porps
Panthers at Jaguars (-3) Cat fight! Spotted cats send black cats home with two black eyes
Woof
Raiders at Patriots (-2.5) Botox Brady’s team comes up short in the shadow of Tom’s tiny headed statue
Cardinals (-6.5) at Saints Cardinals win the Holy War
Say two Hail Marys and one Act of Cat-trition (*uproarious laughter*)
Steelers (-3) at Jets Men of Steel dominate in Metropolis
Krypto, Krytpo, Krypto! Why no love for Streaky the Supercat?
Giants at Commanders (-6) I’m calling the president. Mr. President, we need the National Guard. We need as many men as you can spare because the Commanders are killing the Giants. Wait… what? They’re already here? Never mind.
My old Platoon Sergeant said the Guard was for pussies
Sunday Dinner Time Titans at Broncos (-7.5) Tits sag in the thin air
49ers (-2.5) at Seahawks Fake Sea Birds rub Purrrdy the wrong way
Lions at Packers (-2.5) Jungle Kings devour Meat Men
It’s just a flesh wound
Texans at Rams (-2.5) Horny sheep give Houston problems
Sunday Prowl Time Ravens at Bills (-1.5) Scary Black birds spook Hairy Cows
Monday Prowl Time Vikings at Bears (-1.5) Norsemen skin grizzlies
It’s not a rug it’s a weave
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.