Not only do we have an AFC Championship game to look forward to on Sunday, but we also have the storm of the century bearing down on our beloved six state region, yes even Rhode Island. How much snow will YOU get? Well, that depends on many factors: how close to the benchmark the storm is, where does any banding set up, what is the QPF and how much love you have in your heart.
My heart isn’t in it
And before you rush out to the stores to stock up on bread and milk, remember these wise words: “Look, I’m not saying I could do it better than them. I’m just saying they’re wrong a lot. That’s a fact. They’re wrong a lot. We all make mistakes. I’m not being critical of them, I’m just saying I don’t think you can go based on that. My experience of going with the forecast in this area two days before the game, I mean I’d bet a lot that they’re wrong, just based on history because they’re almost always wrong. An hour before the game, maybe. You might have something to work with there. I think if you start game planning for what the weather is going to be and you game plan wrong, you’ve wasted a lot of time.” – Bill Belichick, October 31, 2014
14 day forecast?!?!?!
Sunday Early Dinner Time Patriots (-4.5) at Broncos Patriots bust Broncos
He’s comfortable at altitude
Sunday Late Dinner Time Rams at Seahawks (-2.5) Horny Sheep spook Darnold
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Patriots win Sunday the ‘who people are rooting for in Super Bowl LX’ graphic is going to look like the 1972 presidential electoral map.
One minute your quarterback is spiking the ball backwards at midfield for no reason, the next minute you’re fired.
But I hear McDermott’s interviewing to be the number 2 guy at Al-Qaeda.
Khyiris Tonga joins the NFL “All Island” team along with James Cook, Xavier Rhodes, Howie Long, Matt Cassel, Taiwan Jones, and Jeff Ireland.
Fenway Park is officially the ‘Ranger Zone.’
I have to wonder that if the Patriots had to play Josh Dobbs this weekend if all the Boston mediots would tell Denver hosts how surprisingly good he is.
Being the new fattest guy at Barstool is like being the world’s oldest person.
Sure, Cardi B has sleep paralysis demon physiognomy, but she probably has a lovely singing voice.
When there’s something worth celebrating, Dondero is a breath of fresh air on the postgame show. At least he’s happy.
Cakes are cooking for Jack Nicklaus, Placido Domingo, Chris Britton, Jill Eikenberry, Billy Ocean, Marty Walsh, Mike Krukow, Jeff Koons, Peter Fleming, Bob Brill, Robby Benson, Detlef Schrempf, Hakeen Olajuwan, Charlotte Ross, Cat Power, Shelley Looney, Emma Bunton, Jerry Trainor, David F. Sandberg, and Luke Grimes.
If the Patriots lost Maye on a designed roll out that meant nothing I would drive McDaniels to T.F. Green myself.
Tuesday’s Wordle, yaaaaa…!!!
Here’s the thing: the sports media, they all hate their jobs. Which is why it’s so funny that they resort to “you hate me because I have your dream job” when they get criticized.
The Dedham Grant was known for its rich assortment of prized hardwoods.
The local TV news person can’t have a sports rooting interest? I’m surprised KPD would lump that riff-raff in with real journalism!
Jet fuel can’t melt pass interference.
I’ve yet to find a non-terrible person making ‘the Dodgers are not ruining baseball’ argument.
I’m convinced Sean Payton would call a pass play in victory formation.
Hey gang of opera lovers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is,”Fran Rogers gets tons of pelt.”
Fun fact: the heaters in Hondas are most efficient when set to blow hot medium.
Buffalo didn’t Stand Up for Sean McDermott.
Please remember, they’re not ‘sports betting whores’, they’re ‘clamdicappers’.
Blue Line Update: Delays of about 15 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations
I never understand throwing the jacket on the QB for 10 seconds during a stoppage in play. Doesn’t it make him want to stay under there?
Indiana was recruiting my older brother wayyyy back in the mid 2000s before they were the football program we see before us today. For that reason alone I’ve always hoped they’d find success. What an amazing story.
Harrison Meavis is an all-time terrible name.
I want Maria Taylor to toss me around with her gigantic hands.
Does Sports Illustrated know that Karalis is a real person? Because they don’t hire many of those.
Well, the brother of Carson Palmer thinks Stidham is good so that settles it: game on.
How do you have an entire organization whose mission is to combat Jewish stereotypes and then publicly bitch about paying out 0.1 % of your net worth?
I’m always team whatever TV drug is advertised. Doubly so when it affects my genitals.
Already annoyed with all the Conformity Gate BS that’s gonna come out of this SNL Episode.
You think Dart Adams ever messed around and made a Willie Bennett NBA Live player?
I just realized that candles with 2 wicks are just a scam by Big Candle to make your candles burn more quickly so you need to buy more candles.
What does Mina Kimes got to do to get a head coaching or GM interview?
Girl you’re gettin’ that look in your eyes And it’s startin’ to worry me I ain’t ready for no family ties Nobody’s gonna hurry me
Just keep it friendly girl ’cause I don’t wanna leave Don’t start clingin’ to me girl ‘Cause I can’t breathe
Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me ’cause I’ll just use you then I’ll set you free Baby, baby, don’t get hooked on me.
Using ‘The Ville’, for Louisville sounds like ‘Beantown’ or ‘Frisco’ in that nobody from there refers to it as such.
Here’s hoping the new Commanders stadium gets called the ‘RFK Jr.’
There’s never been a poor person named Tad.
I bet Rich Little does a great Frank Caliendo impression.
As an early adopter of AI, let me say this: It is far less advanced and sophisticated than normies perceive. You’re basically talking to the world’s most advanced screwdriver. Practical when you need to drive a screw. But you wouldn’t ask a screwdriver for life advice.
Honk if you remember John McEnroe getting expelled from the Australian Open.
Any college basketball games being fixed today?
Jarrett Stidham’s Arapaho name is ‘Wears Two Wristwatches’.
Think they’ll be some bad blood when the Habs visit the ol’ barn this weekend, Brick?
Nice to win the Jack Easterby Bowl.
Them Bosa brothers are about to apply for ICE TONIGHT.
Kendra is Temu Charlotte Wilder.
When did we start calling curveballs “sweepers”?
Best bet for the weekend: Flawless officiating in both Conference Championship games.
The upcoming Tubi remake of ‘Clue’ looks amazing.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Wild thing, I think I love you. But I wanna know for sure. So come on, hold me tight. I love you.
And happy birthday to Wareham, Massachusetts’ Own Geena Davis.
It’s been a fun week basking in the glory of the first Patriots playoff win since Super Bowl LIII, but now it’s time to focus on the next opponent, the Houston Texans. What better way to break it all down, than a Dan Shaughnessy style look at how each team’s respective home town matches up with the other.
A football cat
Houston has the Johnson Space Center. Foxborough has the Gillette Stadium Lighthouse. Advantage:Patriots
The landlocked lighthouse is much more impressive
Well there you have it, bet your kid’s college tuition on the home team and thank us later
Saturday Dinner Time Bills at Broncos (-1.5) Buffalo sauces Nix
Buffalo are right at home in Denver
Saturday Prowl Time 49ers at Seahawks (-7) Fake Seabirds rain on Purrrdy’s parade
Someone left the cat out in the rain
Sunday Early Dinner Time Texans at Patriots (-3) As that great Patriot, Patrick Star once opined: “The stars at night are dull and dim whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! “
SpongeBob had it fisrt
Sunday Late Dinner Time Rams (-3.5) at Bears Horny sheep bang da’ Bears
This is why all Bears fans support two teams
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
From the home office in Nashua New Hampshire, the Top 10 Cat New Year’s resolutions for 2026…
10. Stop knocking things off the table… before making eye contact. 9. Learn what “no” means — and continue to ignore it. 8. Sit on warm laptops instead of freshly folded laundry. (Maybe) 7. Eat food more slowly so humans stop accusing me of “inhaling.” 6. Meow at 3 a.m. with a clearer sense of purpose. 5. Fit into boxes without questioning physics. 4. Respect personal space — primarily my own. 3. Pretend to be grateful when receiving gifts I absolutely hate. 2. Reduce judgmental staring to under 14 hours a day. 1. Finally reveal why I do anything… just kidding!
Saturday Dinner Time Panthers at Buccaneers (-2.5) Black cats sink Bucs
Never too early to mark those calendars
Saturday Prowl Time Seahawks (-1.5) at 49ers Purrrrrdy swallows fake Sea Birds
Sunday Lunch Time Saints at Falcons (-3) Falcons excommunicate Saints
St.Gertrude of Nivelles, patron saint of cats
Browns at Bengals (-7.5) Stripey Cats eat elves
Colts at Texans (-10.5) Houston’s practice squad has no problem with Indy’s practice squad
Titans at Jaguars (-12.5) Jags top Tits
Did someone say “Jags tit top”?
Packers at Vikings (-6.5) Vikings win by default
Cowboys (-3.5) at Giants Dart defeats Dallas
Darts is (are?) the sport of the future
Jets at Bills (-7) Bills ground Jets
Visual flight rules are in affect
Lions at Bears (-3) Bears send Jungle Kings into hibernation
Chargers at Broncos (-12.5) Is this the long awaited Trey Lance breakout game? Sorry Patriot fans, it is not.
Cardinals at Rams (-7.5) Rams rough up Red Birds
Chiefs (-5.5) at Raiders Raiders are dozing for Mendoza
It’s not tanking, it’s napping
Dolphins at Patriots (-10.5) Patriots drop Coach Drip
Commanders at Eagles (-7) American Birds crush Commies
The good old days when Russia were the bad guys
Sunday Prowl Time Ravens (-3.5) at Steelers Team X lives! Black birds get to prove that they aren’t afraid to lose on Wild Card Weekend.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
As DRAKE-A-MAYENIA sweeps the six state region, we’d just like to remind you where you first were introduced to that fantastic (and potentially lucrative) phrase… it was HERE, in Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’24!
and also here, in Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’24!
Double TRADEMARK!
As part of our pending intellectual property infringement lawsuit(s), our special council has advised us to put all of our ideas out there (that’s legal jargon). So without further ado we bring you our latest potential merchandise ideas (TRADEMARK!):
Remember, never settle for cheap imitations when you can choose the high quality original! Only available (potentially) at the15net.com official store!
Sunday Desayuno Time Commanders at Dolphins (-2.5) ¡Los delfines ganan!
Sunday Lunch Time Panthers at Falcons (-3.5) Black cats can’t catch a break, or find a win
Times are tough
Buccaneers at Bills (-6) Bills bully Baker
Chargers (-3) at Jaguars Spotted cats get zapped by Plugs
From the golden age of advertising
Bears at Vikings (-2.5) Norsemen sneak by sleepy Bears
Packers (-7) at Giants There will be no metamorphosis under Kafka’s leadership.
High brow humor!
Bengals at Steelers (-5.5) Yinzers flatten Flacco
Texans (-6) at Titans Tex squeezes Tits
Sunday Dinner Time 49ers (-3) at Cardinals Purrrrdy swallows pretty red birds
He’s gaining on you red
Seahawks at Rams (-3) Horny sheep trample fake sea birds
Ravens (-7.5) at Browns Scary black birds flush the Browns
If it’s brown, flush it down
Chiefs (-3.5) at Broncos Chiefs bust Broncos
Sunday Prowl Time Lions at Eagles (-2.5) Jungle kings claw out a win in Philly
He likes his cheese steak extra cheesy
Monday Prowl Time Cowboys (-3.5) at Raiders Ranch hands rustle Raiders
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
News item:ESPN and Penn Entertainment are ending their sports-betting agreement early after failing to gain significant market share. The sports-media company will instead launch a new multiyear deal with industry leader DraftKings. The early ending for ESPN’s Penn Entertainment venture and ESPN Bet’s inability to gain scale is a sign of the grip DraftKings and FanDuel have on the market. Sports betting has exploded in America, but smaller companies and later entrants have been unable to capture fans’ attention.
We’re all in!
We here at The15Net.com know how difficult it can be for the little guy to mix it up with the big boys, so we are offering up our services to Penn in its time of need. Our industry leading brand is a perfect fit for Penn’s deep pockets and poor judgement. We have year round features like the ever popular Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer, the wildly successful Football Cat’s Weekly NFL Picks, the eagerly awaited March Sadness, this summer’s surprise smash hit the Summer Mini-Tournament and a cornucopia of other fabulous rib ticklers and side splitters. How does “The15net Bets” sound to you?
And all for the low low price of only $15 million in cash per year! That’s a tenth of what you were paying ESPN, and no one even has access to that channel anymore. So please reach out to Mr. Steve Bosell, the Managing Editor of The15Net.com, at your earliest convenience (if you can find him).
Thank you for you attention to this matter.
Sunday Frühstück Time Falcons at Colts (-6.5) Indianapolis Jones triumphs over those Nazi inspired helmet logos
Sunday Lunch Time Saints at Panthers (-5.5) Black cats scare the bejesus out of the Saints
Giants at Bears (-4.5) Bears send G-men into hibernation
Seems like a bad idea
Jaguars (-1.5) at Texans Spotted cats have a problem in Houston
Bills (-9.5) at Dolphins Buffalo grills Dolphins
Not this time Flipper
Ravens (-4.5) at Vikings Scary black birds continue to come back from the dead
Browns (-1.5) at Jets Browns catch Firesale Ed’s team looking ahead to 2027
Patriots at Buccaneers (-2.5) It’s no longer Baker Mayfield, it’s Baker ISfield!
This will never make any sense
Sunday Dinner Time Cardinals at Seahawks (-6.5) Fake Seabirds snatch up pretty red birds
Rams (-3) at 49ers Horny sheep menace Mac
Lions (-7.5) at Commanders Lions tame Swamp Things
No shirt, no shoes, all action!
Sunday Prowl Time Steelers at Chargers (-3) Bolts can’t penetrate the Men of Steel’s Faraday cage
Monday Prowl Time Eagles at Packers (-2.5) American Birds snap up Meat Men
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Every one of your suggestions was fantastic, unfortunately we don’t have the bandwidth to print them all here, but rest assured they will be available for download once the World Series is over. Until then, enjoy this random assortment of responses:
“Blue square lapel pins” – Robert K., Brookline, MA
“A variety of Buddha faux succulent terrariums” – Arianne S., Peabody MA
“Hugs” – Mike M., Enfield CT
“Resumes” – Jerod M., North Attleborough, MA
“Disease infested blankets” – Jeffrey A., Amherst MA
“Yolks from hard boiled eggs” – Brian L., Mansfield MA
“Blue cupcakes” – Joshua M., Nashua NH
“EpiPens” – Kendra M., Jacksonville FL
“Keep your grimy fingers off my blue cupcakes f*ck face. Give out some of those hand sanitizer bottles you’ve been swigging.” – Roger S., Nashua NH
“Serial killer vibes” – Jonathan B., Stoughton MA
“A free ride home from any detox center” – Frank S., Peabody MA
“L’s” – Steve R., Lowell MA
“Charcoal” – Bryan D., Quincy MA
“I can’t remember the question” – Corey B., Dorchester, MA
Speaking of early onset Alzheimer’s, don’t forget to turn those clocks back on Sunday
Why am I waiting an extra hour to eat?
Sunday Lunch Time Bears (-2.5) at Bengals Tigers lose to Bears, oh my!
Vikings at Lions (-8.5) Jungle kings maul marauders
Panthers at Packers (-12.5) Meatmen slice and dice black cats
I think I’d prefer the slicing and dicing
Broncos (-1.5) at Texans Broncos nix Texicans
Falcons at Patriots (-5.5) Patriots finally get revenge for almost losing the Super Bowl nine years ago
What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander?
49ers (-2.5) at Giants Prospectors pinch Pituitaries
Colts (-3) at Steelers Indianapolis Jones yanks Yinzers
Chargers (-9.5) at Titans Bolts tingle Tits
It looks safe to me
Sunday Dinner Time Saints at Rams (-14) Saints get excommunicated in the City of Angels
Jaguars (-3) at Raiders Spotty cats claw Pete’s poodles
Get busy doodle boy
Chiefs (-2) at Bills Chiefs take down tatanka
Those are some crazy looking coyotes
Sunday Prowl Time Seahawks (-3.5) at Commanders Fake sea birds soar over swamp things
Monday Prowl Time Cardinals at Cowboys (-2.5) Cowboys cage pretty red birds
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
With Halloween only one week away you are probably looking for a fun, yet simple, way to get into the spooky spirit. Little did you know that bone chilling excitement is just a phone call away.
Traverse into the eerie elements of the other world and encounter those who lurk in the night. Call the Halloween Haunted Hotline at 585-IF-U-DARE! Carefully choose your fright, not all who call survive the night.
There are many haunted attractions in New England, but none scarier than the House on Harris Road in Nashua, NH. Home of the infamous “Death Couch”. Those who dare sit on the sofa will be doomed, and not just because they’ve come in contact with its sticky coating of ectoplasm. Within the past three years there have been documented cases of a man suffering a debilitating stroke, another being institutionalized (multiple times), numerous extraterrestrial visitations and one actual death happening to people after they’ve sat upon the cursed couch. If you’re interested in purchasing it, or some old ceiling tiles, you can call 603-881-6980. In lieu of cash, blue cupcakes will be accepted in trade.
In celebration of the Halloween season, Sony Pictures and Ghost Corps have launched a brand-new campaign, letting fans both call and text the Ghostbusters. If you’ve got something strange in your neighborhood to report, pick up the phone and call (or text) 516-718-TRAP.
Wrinkles the Clown is no Stephen King character, but that doesn’t make this real-life clown any less creepy. Based in Naples, Florida, this clown offers a wide variety of services, like performing at parties and intentionally scaring children. Calling 407-734-0254 sends you to his voicemail, where we’re told you can hear a pretty chilling message.
Would you like to speak with Frankenstein’s monosyllabic monster? Then just dial 617-779-7937 any weekday afternoon between 2 pm and 6 pm. Remember he has an abnormal brain, so please be patient and speak slowly.
Bread good… ratings BAD!
Just remember that standard message and data rates may apply.
Sunday Lunch Time Dolphins at Falcons (-7.5) Penix penetrates porpoises
Bears at Ravens (-6.5) Scary black birds spook da’ Bears
Frightening
Bills (-7.5) at Panthers Hairy cows rub black cats the wrong way
Jets at Bengals (-6.5) Stripey cats maul Jets
49ers at Texans (-1.5) Mac gives Houston problems
My good friend Mac continues to own
Browns at Patriots (-7) It’s no longer Drake may… it’s Drake IS!
Drake-a-mania grips Hub!
Giants at Eagles (-7.5) Philly dash Dart
Sunday Dinner Time Buccaneers (-4.5) at Saints Bucs cook Cajuns
Cowboys at Broncos (-3.5) Denver does Dallas
We said Denver, not Debbie… D E N V E R
Titans at Colts (-14) Indianapolis Jones whips Tits
Sunday Prowl Time Packers at Steelers (-3) Packmen rout Rodgers
Looking sharp
Monday Prowl Time Commanders at Chiefs (-12.5) KC shuts down DC
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Breaking News: Baseball is officially over! Time to take out the air conditioners, put in the storm windows and start raking those pesky leaves. Sounds like a fun weekend of puttering around until Sunday Night Football, but you know what else sounds like fun? Banking goodwill with you significant other! Week 5 has a horrific lineup of games and the weather is supposed to be glorious. There’s no better time than now to break out the official The15 Fall Event Avoidance Generator and topsy turvy that motherf*cker. It’s the perfect opportunity for you, yes YOU, to bite the bullet and invite your loved one to the Foliage Brunch or the Hay Festival or even a trip to the Apple Maze. The Patriots play at 1 o’clock for the next five weeks – think ahead. Remember failing to plan is planning to fail.
Say it ain’t so, Uncle Joe
Sunday English Muffin Time Vikings (-3.5 ) at Browns Norsemen squash woodland sprites
Sunday Lunch Time Cowboys (-2.5 ) at Jets Jets soar to Cowboys crash
Broncos at Eagles (-5.5) Philly nix Nix
I told you these match-ups are boring
Texans at Ravens (-7.5) Scary black birds kickoff spooky season with a win
Raiders at Colts (-6.5) Indianapolis Jones extends the Raiders lost season
More belly rubs Dr. Jones
Dolphins (-1.5 ) at Panthers Black cats feast on fish
Giants (-1.5 ) at Saints David slays Goliath
Davey has been radicalized
Sunday Dinner Time Buccaneers at Seahawks (-3) Bucs sink Seahawks
Titans at Cardinals (-9.5) Phoenix grabs the Mythical Creature Bowl
Lions (-8.5 ) at Bengals Jungle kings dominate the battle of the big cats
They’ll both rip your lungs out once they grow up
Commanders at Chargers (-2.5) Bolts shutdown Washington
Sunday Prowl Time Patriots at Bills (-8.5) The whiteout uniforms whitewash the Patriots
Polar bear in a snowstorm on Hoth
Monday Prowl Time Chiefs (-3) at Jaguars Indigenous peoples skin the spotted cats
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The 15 