Tag Archives: new-england-patriots

Football Cat’s Week 12 NFL Picks ’25

Domo arigato

Please enjoy some pre-Thanksgiving haikus…


A Cat:
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren’t that sharp.

Football:
Pigskin, gridiron
These equal true happiness
All thanks to Bert Bell

Robert Kraft:
Desperate for praise
Time for my prepaid close up
Get my booster sea
t

Kendra Middleton:
I crave attention
Look at me I am zany
Stop bothering me

Bob Socci:
This is not tv
Please give me down and distance
This is radio

Scott Zolak:
Must you grunt and groan
You are ruining the game
Try doing less coke

He’s the picture of health

Sunday Lunch Time
Jets at Ravens (-13.5)

The Poes crawl out from under the floor boards

S’all right? S’all right!

Steelers at Bears (-2.5)
Bears won’t be caged

Patriots (-8.5) at Bengals
Stripey cats can’t trap Pats

Off to the jungle

Giants at Lions (-10.5)
Jungle kings cut down Giants

Vikings at Packers (-6.5)
Packmen gobble up JJ

Colts at Chiefs (-3.5)
Native peoples corral Colts

Seahawks (-13.5) at Titans
Fake seabirds best the breasts

Did someone say “best breasts”?

Sunday Dinner Time
Jaguars (-2.5) at Cardinals

Spotted cats swallow pretty red birds

Browns at Raiders (-3.5)
Black hole excretes the Browns

The photo Keebler didn’t want you to see

Eagles (-3.5) at Cowboys
Birds beat Boys

Falcons (1.5) at Saints
Saints flush Falcons in the Toilet Bowl

Being bowl eligible isn’t always good

Sunday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Rams (-6.5)

It’s no longer Baker Mayefield, it’s Baker Won’t-field

Monday Prowl Time
Panthers at 49ers (-7)

Purrrrdy boxes black cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 11 NFL Picks ’25

TRADEMARK!

As DRAKE-A-MAYENIA sweeps the six state region, we’d just like to remind you where you first were introduced to that fantastic (and potentially lucrative) phrase… it was HERE, in Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’24!

and also here, in Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’24!

Double TRADEMARK!

As part of our pending intellectual property infringement lawsuit(s), our special council has advised us to put all of our ideas out there (that’s legal jargon). So without further ado we bring you our latest potential merchandise ideas (TRADEMARK!):

Remember, never settle for cheap imitations when you can choose the high quality original! Only available (potentially) at the15net.com official store!

Sunday Desayuno Time
Commanders at Dolphins (-2.5)

¡Los delfines ganan!

Sunday Lunch Time
Panthers at Falcons (-3.5)

Black cats can’t catch a break, or find a win

Times are tough

Buccaneers at Bills (-6)
Bills bully Baker

Chargers (-3) at Jaguars
Spotted cats get zapped by Plugs

From the golden age of advertising

Bears at Vikings (-2.5)
Norsemen sneak by sleepy Bears

Packers (-7) at Giants
There will be no metamorphosis under Kafka’s leadership.

High brow humor!

Bengals at Steelers (-5.5)
Yinzers flatten Flacco

Texans (-6) at Titans
Tex squeezes Tits

Sunday Dinner Time
49ers (-3) at Cardinals

Purrrrdy swallows pretty red birds

He’s gaining on you red

Seahawks at Rams (-3)
Horny sheep trample fake sea birds

Ravens (-7.5) at Browns
Scary black birds flush the Browns

If it’s brown, flush it down

Chiefs (-3.5) at Broncos
Chiefs bust Broncos

Sunday Prowl Time
Lions at Eagles (-2.5)

Jungle kings claw out a win in Philly

He likes his cheese steak extra cheesy

Monday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-3.5) at Raiders

Ranch hands rustle Raiders

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 10 NFL Picks ’25

News item: ESPN and Penn Entertainment are ending their sports-betting agreement early after failing to gain significant market share. The sports-media company will instead launch a new multiyear deal with industry leader DraftKings. The early ending for ESPN’s Penn Entertainment venture and ESPN Bet’s inability to gain scale is a sign of the grip DraftKings and FanDuel have on the market. Sports betting has exploded in America, but smaller companies and later entrants have been unable to capture fans’ attention.

We’re all in!


We here at The15Net.com know how difficult it can be for the little guy to mix it up with the big boys, so we are offering up our services to Penn in its time of need. Our industry leading brand is a perfect fit for Penn’s deep pockets and poor judgement. We have year round features like the ever popular Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer, the wildly successful Football Cat’s Weekly NFL Picks, the eagerly awaited March Sadness, this summer’s surprise smash hit the Summer Mini-Tournament and a cornucopia of other fabulous rib ticklers and side splitters. How does “The15net Bets” sound to you?

And all for the low low price of only $15 million in cash per year! That’s a tenth of what you were paying ESPN, and no one even has access to that channel anymore. So please reach out to Mr. Steve Bosell, the Managing Editor of The15Net.com, at your earliest convenience (if you can find him).

Thank you for you attention to this matter.

Sunday Frühstück Time
Falcons at Colts (-6.5)

Indianapolis Jones triumphs over those Nazi inspired helmet logos

Sunday Lunch Time
Saints at Panthers (-5.5)

Black cats scare the bejesus out of the Saints

Giants at Bears (-4.5)
Bears send G-men into hibernation

Seems like a bad idea

Jaguars (-1.5) at Texans
Spotted cats have a problem in Houston

Bills (-9.5) at Dolphins
Buffalo grills Dolphins

Not this time Flipper

Ravens (-4.5) at Vikings
Scary black birds continue to come back from the dead

Browns (-1.5) at Jets
Browns catch Firesale Ed’s team looking ahead to 2027

Patriots at Buccaneers (-2.5)
It’s no longer Baker Mayfield, it’s Baker ISfield!

This will never make any sense

Sunday Dinner Time
Cardinals at Seahawks (-6.5)

Fake Seabirds snatch up pretty red birds

Rams (-3) at 49ers
Horny sheep menace Mac

Lions (-7.5) at Commanders
Lions tame Swamp Things

No shirt, no shoes, all action!

Sunday Prowl Time
Steelers at Chargers (-3)

Bolts can’t penetrate the Men of Steel’s Faraday cage

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles at Packers (-2.5)

American Birds snap up Meat Men

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 9 NFL Picks ’25

Happy Halloween!

We at Football Cat World Headquarters would like to thank the thousands of you who mailed in your postcards with answers to this week’s FBC Burning Question©: “What would you give out to Trick-or-Treaters if you ran out of candy?” 

Every one of your suggestions was fantastic, unfortunately we don’t have the bandwidth to print them all here, but rest assured they will be available for download once the World Series is over.  Until then, enjoy this random assortment of responses:

“Blue square lapel pins” – Robert K., Brookline, MA

“A variety of Buddha faux succulent terrariums” – Arianne S., Peabody MA

“Hugs” – Mike M., Enfield CT

“Resumes” – Jerod M., North Attleborough, MA

“Disease infested blankets” – Jeffrey A., Amherst MA

“Yolks from hard boiled eggs” – Brian L., Mansfield MA

“Blue cupcakes” – Joshua M., Nashua NH

“EpiPens” – Kendra M., Jacksonville FL

“Keep your grimy fingers off my blue cupcakes f*ck face.  Give out some of those hand sanitizer bottles you’ve been swigging.” – Roger S., Nashua NH

“Serial killer vibes” – Jonathan B., Stoughton MA

“A free ride home from any detox center” – Frank S., Peabody MA

“L’s” – Steve R., Lowell MA

“Charcoal” – Bryan D., Quincy MA

“I can’t remember the question” – Corey B., Dorchester, MA

Speaking of early onset Alzheimer’s, don’t forget to turn those clocks back on Sunday

Why am I waiting an extra hour to eat?

Sunday Lunch Time
Bears (-2.5) at Bengals

Tigers lose to Bears, oh my!

Vikings at Lions (-8.5)
Jungle kings maul marauders

Panthers at Packers (-12.5)
Meatmen slice and dice black cats

I think I’d prefer the slicing and dicing

Broncos (-1.5) at Texans
Broncos nix Texicans

Falcons at Patriots (-5.5)
Patriots finally get revenge for almost losing the Super Bowl nine years ago

What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander?

49ers (-2.5) at Giants
Prospectors pinch Pituitaries

Colts (-3) at Steelers
Indianapolis Jones yanks Yinzers

Chargers (-9.5) at Titans
Bolts tingle Tits

It looks safe to me

Sunday Dinner Time
Saints at Rams (-14)

Saints get excommunicated in the City of Angels

Jaguars (-3) at Raiders
Spotty cats claw Pete’s poodles

Get busy doodle boy

Chiefs (-2) at Bills
Chiefs take down tatanka

Those are some crazy looking coyotes

Sunday Prowl Time
Seahawks (-3.5) at Commanders

Fake sea birds soar over swamp things

Monday Prowl Time
Cardinals at Cowboys (-2.5)

Cowboys cage pretty red birds

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 8 NFL Picks ’25

The call is coming from inside the house!

With Halloween only one week away you are probably looking for a fun, yet simple, way to get into the spooky spirit. Little did you know that bone chilling excitement is just a phone call away.

  1. Traverse into the eerie elements of the other world and encounter those who lurk in the night. Call the Halloween Haunted Hotline at 585-IF-U-DARE! Carefully choose your fright, not all who call survive the night.
  2. There are many haunted attractions in New England, but none scarier than the House on Harris Road in Nashua, NH. Home of the infamous “Death Couch”. Those who dare sit on the sofa will be doomed, and not just because they’ve come in contact with its sticky coating of ectoplasm. Within the past three years there have been documented cases of a man suffering a debilitating stroke, another being institutionalized (multiple times), numerous extraterrestrial visitations and one actual death happening to people after they’ve sat upon the cursed couch. If you’re interested in purchasing it, or some old ceiling tiles, you can call 603-881-6980. In lieu of cash, blue cupcakes will be accepted in trade.
  3. In celebration of the Halloween season, Sony Pictures and Ghost Corps have launched a brand-new campaign, letting fans both call and text the Ghostbusters. If you’ve got something strange in your neighborhood to report, pick up the phone and call (or text) 516-718-TRAP.
  4. Wrinkles the Clown is no Stephen King character, but that doesn’t make this real-life clown any less creepy. Based in Naples, Florida, this clown offers a wide variety of services, like performing at parties and intentionally scaring children. Calling 407-734-0254 sends you to his voicemail, where we’re told you can hear a pretty chilling message.
  5. Would you like to speak with Frankenstein’s monosyllabic monster? Then just dial 617-779-7937 any weekday afternoon between 2 pm and 6 pm. Remember he has an abnormal brain, so please be patient and speak slowly.
Bread good… ratings BAD!

Just remember that standard message and data rates may apply.

Sunday Lunch Time
Dolphins at Falcons (-7.5)

Penix penetrates porpoises

Bears at Ravens (-6.5)
Scary black birds spook da’ Bears

Frightening

Bills (-7.5) at Panthers
Hairy cows rub black cats the wrong way

Jets at Bengals (-6.5)
Stripey cats maul Jets

49ers at Texans (-1.5)
Mac gives Houston problems

My good friend Mac continues to own

Browns at Patriots (-7)
It’s no longer Drake may… it’s Drake IS!

Drake-a-mania grips Hub!

Giants at Eagles (-7.5)
Philly dash Dart

Sunday Dinner Time
Buccaneers (-4.5) at Saints

Bucs cook Cajuns

Cowboys at Broncos (-3.5)
Denver does Dallas

We said Denver, not Debbie… D E N V E R

Titans at Colts (-14)
Indianapolis Jones whips Tits

Sunday Prowl Time
Packers at Steelers (-3)

Packmen rout Rodgers

Looking sharp

Monday Prowl Time
Commanders at Chiefs (-12.5)

KC shuts down DC

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks ’25

You know what would be fun?

Breaking News: Baseball is officially over! Time to take out the air conditioners, put in the storm windows and start raking those pesky leaves. Sounds like a fun weekend of puttering around until Sunday Night Football, but you know what else sounds like fun? Banking goodwill with you significant other! Week 5 has a horrific lineup of games and the weather is supposed to be glorious. There’s no better time than now to break out the official The15 Fall Event Avoidance Generator and topsy turvy that motherf*cker. It’s the perfect opportunity for you, yes YOU, to bite the bullet and invite your loved one to the Foliage Brunch or the Hay Festival or even a trip to the Apple Maze. The Patriots play at 1 o’clock for the next five weeks – think ahead. Remember failing to plan is planning to fail.

Say it ain’t so, Uncle Joe

Sunday English Muffin Time
Vikings (-3.5 ) at Browns

Norsemen squash woodland sprites

Sunday Lunch Time
Cowboys (-2.5 ) at Jets

Jets soar to Cowboys crash

Broncos at Eagles (-5.5)
Philly nix Nix

I told you these match-ups are boring

Texans at Ravens (-7.5)
Scary black birds kickoff spooky season with a win

Raiders at Colts (-6.5)
Indianapolis Jones extends the Raiders lost season

More belly rubs Dr. Jones

Dolphins (-1.5 ) at Panthers
Black cats feast on fish

Giants (-1.5 ) at Saints
David slays Goliath

Davey has been radicalized

Sunday Dinner Time
Buccaneers at Seahawks (-3)

Bucs sink Seahawks

Titans at Cardinals (-9.5)
Phoenix grabs the Mythical Creature Bowl

Lions (-8.5 ) at Bengals
Jungle kings dominate the battle of the big cats

They’ll both rip your lungs out once they grow up

Commanders at Chargers (-2.5)
Bolts shutdown Washington

Sunday Prowl Time
Patriots at Bills (-8.5)

The whiteout uniforms whitewash the Patriots

Polar bear in a snowstorm on Hoth

Monday Prowl Time
Chiefs (-3) at Jaguars
Indigenous peoples skin the spotted cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 3 NFL Picks ’25

Happy Upton Bell Day!

Every September 19th all of Patriots Nation gather together with their family and friends to celebrate the legacy of their one time wunderkind General Manager Upton Bell. Back in February of 1971, Billy Sullivan hired the snot nosed 33 year old Bell to be his GM. The most memorable moment of Upton’s brief reign of terror was when he forgot to mail out contracts to all the team’s impending free agents, thus instantly granting them their freedom. The Upton Bell era came to an abrupt end in December 5, 1972 when he was unceremoniously fired after amassing a putrid 9 – 19 record. Sure that is a bad record, but really damning fact is that Upton was so incompetent that he never worked in the NFL again. Imagine how awful his reputation within the league must have been to never get another front office job. This was the son of former NFL Commissioner and Eagles owner/founder Bert Bell, and after being fired at the age of 35 his career in the league was over.

Today the 88 year old social media maven has morphed into a modern day Baron Hieronymus Karl Friedrich Freiherr von Münchhausen. The list of famous (all dead) people Upton has met includes Burt Reynolds, Jane Russell, Hedy Lamar, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Grace Kelly, Stephen Hawking, Patricia Neal, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickerson, Arnold Palmer, Alan Shepard, Ted Turner, Seiji Ozawa, Donna Reed, Hedy Lamarr, Carely Simon, Yo Yo Ma and three (THREE!) Tuskegee Airmen. The list goes on and on. We didn’t even bother with listing the sports figures he claims to have known/discovered, but rest assured if they’re dead Upton claims he interacted with them.

And if Upton didn’t meet them, rest assured his mother did. Per Upton, his mom, Broadway “star” Frances Upton, had close encounters with Charles Lindbergh, James Cagney, Florenz Ziegfeld, George Gershwin, George Burns, Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Al Capone. According to Upton, when Bert Bell, his father, dropped dead Universal Pictures wanted to make a movie about him with Danny Thomas as the lead, but Frances turned it down (of course she did!). The aforementioned Bert Bell invented the NFL Draft, coined the phrase “On Any Given Sunday”, brought the entire Eagles team with him on his honeymoon, proposed local TV blackouts, and in 1958 came up with the idea of sudden death overtime – which is ironic because he dropped dead less than one year later while attending a football game.

Happy Upton Bell Day!


So celebrate today the Upton way by forgetting to send out important legal documents on time, or by getting you rugs cleaned or by lying on social media about all the famous dead people you’ve interacted with. Happy 9-19 to all who celebrate!

Sunday Lunch Time
Falcons (-5.5) at Panthers

Black cats get slapped by Penix

Packers (-7.5) at Browns
Packko over Flacco

In 1935 Bert Bell invents the NFL draft. In 1948 Bert Bell invents prank calling potential draft picks.

Texans at Jaguars (-2)
Texicats hog tie spotted cats

Bengals at Vikings (-3)
Norsemen beat Burrow-less Bungles

Steelers (-1.5) at Patriots
Pat Patriot makes Rodgers see red

November 14, 1972 press conference with owner Billy Sullivan (right), interim head coach Phil Bengtson (center), lame duck GM Upton Bell (left). Disgraceful body language

Rams at Eagles (-3.5)
Philly rams LA

Jets at Buccaneers (-6.5)
Tampa takes the Todd Bowles Revenge Bowl

Colts (-4.5) at Titans
Tits whip Indianapolis Jones

Frances Upton in her only feature film role as Angie in ‘Night Work’ (1930). Francis loved to tell Upton about all the times she lost out on an acting job because she would not submit to the casting couch. Proving that lying is inherited.

Raiders at Commanders (-3.5)
The Raiders keep racking up frequent flyer miles but not wins

Sunday Dinner Time
Broncos at Chargers (-3)

Bolts best Broncos

Saints at Seahawks (-7.5)
Saints remain winless in Seattle

Upton saw Wilt Chamberlain play high school basketball and new he’d be a super star

Cowboys (-1) at Bears
Da Bears drop Da Boys

Cardinals at 49ers (-2.5)
Prospectors use the Pretty Red Birds as their canaries in the gold mine.

Sunday Prowl Time
Chiefs (-6) at Giants

Chiefs cut the Giants down to size

9 wins as Patriots GM work out to 1 win for every tooth

Monday Prowl Time
Lions at Ravens (-4.5)

Scary black birds tame the big cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Patriots Surging Ahead at the Quarter Pole: The Plan is Working to Perfection

All Hail Jerod, The Great Helmsman.

By A.I. Bot Breer:

Foxborough, MA – The New England Patriots are on a perfectly executed path to future dominance at the quarter mark of the 2024 season, and anyone who doubts this could be missing the bigger picture. Despite their current 2-6 record, which is simply a minor blip on their trajectory, the Patriots have laid the foundation for what will surely be a return to glory in the coming years. Head coach Jerod Mayo has created a master plan that emphasizes long-term growth, and we are seeing the early stages of a renaissance!

First, let’s talk about the defense. Christian Gonzalez and Keion White are emerging as superstar talents. Gonzalez has been a shutdown corner, neutralizing some of the league’s top wide receivers, and White is already one of the best pass rushers in the NFL with four sacks in just four games, on par with elite defenders like Myles Garrett. It’s clear this defensive duo will lead the league for years to come.

Jerod The Inspiring is wearing The Pin. How can you do any less!?!

On offense, while some may criticize the passing game, the Patriots are playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. Rhamondre Stevenson is a beast, leading a ground attack ranked 12th in the league, averaging 127 rushing yards per game. Forget the fumbles; that’s just the universe throwing obstacles in the path to greatness. With time, Stevenson’s ball security will match his explosive playmaking ability, making him one of the most feared backs in the NFL. Yes, the offensive line has had some hiccups, but that’s just part of the Patriots’ master plan to build resilience. The team is rotating through linemen at a breakneck pace, preparing for a future where no other franchise will be able to match their depth and versatility.

Jerod is Smart. S-M-R-T.

As for the quarterback situation, Jacoby Brissett and Drake Maye are part of a visionary strategy designed to slowly but surely cultivate a future superstar. The Patriots aren’t concerned with short-term optics; they are focused on building a sustainable system that will once again make them perennial favorites in the AFC.

Mark it down—this team is on the brink of something special. Give them time, and they may soon reign over the AFC East again.

First the East, then the Conference, and then…who knows?

Note: Old Friend ‘Uncle Gizmo’ took a cue from a recent Entitled Town podcast. He input into ChatGPT: “I’d like to create a story in the current style of Albert Breer. It would be a glowing story about New England Patriots coach Jerod Mayo and would use as its base Patriots media releases for the last month.” The first result was Jerod Mayo: The Emerging Leader Patriots Fans Always Needed. You just read the follow-up, written after NFL Week 5.

10/23/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Celebrities expected to be in attendance for the Celtics season-opener included Jeannine Russell, The Duke & Duchess of Athol, Donnie Wahlberg, Shaboozey,  Benson Boone, Kai Cenat, Ron Catamount Muskmelon, 21 Savage, Metro Boomin, MBTA Flailin, Gord Marley, A$AP Ferg,  Ja’Whaun Bentley, Davon Godchaux, Yung Lil Young, Zeppo Wahlberg, Shukri Wight, the cast of ‘Rescue: Hi-Surf’, and Nibi the Educational Beaver.

Felger should make “Tony, I Think You Had Something You Wanted to Say First?” a weekly feature.

Mookie needed 1927 Yankees Murderers Row protection to break out of his playoff blues.

Albuterol is still the best way to avoid wheezing a lot of bed.

The wax figure on the Liberty Mutual ads is by far the worst iteration of this series.

Who said D-Hop?

Looking forward to having the Dugie rally at City Hall if the Yankees win.

Cakes are cooking for Ang Lee, Dwight Yoakam, Weird Al Yankovic, Doug Flutie, Mike Tomczak, Al Leiter, Kevin Henry, Sanjay Gupta, Keith Van Horn, Cat Deeley, Ryan Reynolds, Pedro Liriano, Izabel Goulart, Emelia Clarke, Leah Van Dale, Fábio Tavares, Margaret Qualley, and Nick Bosa

Precious Achiuwa sounds like the name of a fat Lhasa Apso.

Lynx got jobbed.

Hey gang of paranormal pursuers! This week’s Phrase That Pays is, “To see the ghost, you must first believe in the ghost.”

Stammertime, welcome to Smashville.

Did TNT cut away to commercial because Paul Pierce had floated up into the TD Garden rafters too?

Honey Flower Dan Cong (also called Phoenix Mountain Oolong) is the best tea and it has been unfindable for months and it appears it has come back into stock in the US and is also way less expensive than it was last year. Big win for me.

Orange Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Forest Hills.

LeBron James the Younger debuting to play with his father was one of the most heartwarming painfully forced moments you’ll ever see.

Mercury Morris was the only thing stopping the Chiefs from going undefeated.

Bill Belichick was never 1-6. Bill Belichick never described his own team as “soft.” Bill Belichick never got the pass Jerod Mayo is getting right now. Mayo at 1-6 is treated better than Belichick was at 6-1.

Cousy is a cvnt hair away from being Jimmy Carter.

“Fernandomania” was a blast for baseball fans. Farewell to a Dodgers legend.

Charismatic megafauna!

Ime Udoka would have been at the banner raising if he knew white Cooz was gonna be there! What?

I see people saying that the Dodgers/Yankees series will get great TV ratings. Is that your belief? Because I’m skeptical. Put the two hardest teams in baseball to root for head-to-head, you really think that will draw big numbers?

Ridin’ in the bus down the boulevard,
And the place was pretty packed, yeah.
Couldn’t find a seat so I had to stand,
With the perverts in the back/

It was smellin’ like a locker room,
There was junk all over the floor.
We’re already packed in like sardines,
But we’re stoppin’ to pick up more, look out!

Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus,
Another comes on and another comes on,
Another one rides the bus;
Hey, he’s gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus.

Retire? Are you kidding? The Sultan of Stat would never let down his loyal subjects (that’d be you and math).

Fun Fact: Entitled Town has an IMDB Page.

The Patriots are missing Rhamondre Stevenson, Layden Robinson, Ja’Lynn Polk and Curtis Jacobs from today’s practice Vederian Lowe returned, but looked limited. Keion White also looked limited.

Honk if you waited in line when the iPod was released.

Steve Kerr told TNT to go to commercial.

Imagine hitching your wagon to Mayo’s movable North star.

The Yankees installing Boone as manager for life is kinda weird. Like if the Red Sox had won the 2003 ALCS and then made Trot Nixon manager.

Clams hurt themselves posing with the WNBA trophy? Smdh.

Best bet for the weekend: the Fighting Irish over the Fightin’ Seabees.

It does always come back to baseball, Colin and Nick.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this columnMayo on the hot seat?

And a happy birthday to Brazilian fashion model Izabel Goulart.

Football Cat’s Week 6 NFL Picks ’24

Congratulations on all that sweet cash you made following last week’s picks (10-3 against the spread, and 11-2 straight up – not that we’re keeping track). As a way of saying “thank you”, head on over to the official The 15 Store and load up on some genuine merch during the big October sale.

I can’t believe this awesome shirt is on sale for only $16!

SUNDAY TEA TIME
Patriots at Jaguars (-5.5)
Spotty cats lose to New England in Olde England.

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Bengals (-4.5) at Browns
Stripey cats use the Dog Pound as their litter box.

It’s actually an improvement.

Lions at Vikings (-1.5)
Jungle Kings knee cap the Vi-Kings

Texans at Packers (-3.5)
Texans grind up the Meat Men

Someone get Upton Sinclair on the phone.

Eagles (-3.5) at Giants
Baby New York wins the game, but loses the Belichick Bowl.

And they have pretzels

Dolphins at Colts (-3.5)
Drips dizzy Dolphins dropped

Seahawks at Falcons (-2.5)
Real birds defeat fake sea birds.

Titans at Bills (-8.5)
You’ll see tits on a bull before you see the Tits beat the Bills.

Superfluous

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Panthers at Commanders (-7.5)
The Swamp Things may not be as good as they’ve looked, but the Black Cats are worse than they’ve looked.

Raiders at Rams (-5.5)
Cleveland-LA-St. Louis-LA Rams win the Transient Bowl over the Oakland-LA-Oakland-Las Vegas Raiders

I once faced down the devil.

Chiefs at 49ers (-1)
49ers win the Super Bowl rematch, but don’t actually avenge the loss, then spiral into a deep depression.

I’m sorry, did you say something? I wasn’t listening.

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Jets at Steelers (-1.5)
Men of Steel master Metropolis

It’s a bird…it’s a plane… no wait, it’s eaten the bird… all the birds.

MONDAY EARLY PROWL TIME
Ravens (-3.5) at Buccaneers
Scary Black Birds get Buccan-owned

MONDAY ACTUAL PROWL TIME
Chargers (-2.5) at Cardinals
The bad night for birds continues as the pretty Red Birds get zapped.

Shocking!

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Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

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