Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Football Cat was not beat Week 8! Good effort, though.
How to play? Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Bears at Bengals
Vikings at Lions
Panthers at Packers
Broncos at Texans
Falcons at Patriots
49ers at Giants
Colts at Steelers
Chargers at Titans
Saints at Rams
Jaguars at Raiders
Chiefs at Bills
Seahawks at Commanders
Cardinals at Cowboys (Tiebreaker – total points scored)
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) or, if that isn’t your bag, post them on the Twitter and our spooky band of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Every one of your suggestions was fantastic, unfortunately we don’t have the bandwidth to print them all here, but rest assured they will be available for download once the World Series is over. Until then, enjoy this random assortment of responses:
“Blue square lapel pins” – Robert K., Brookline, MA
“A variety of Buddha faux succulent terrariums” – Arianne S., Peabody MA
“Hugs” – Mike M., Enfield CT
“Resumes” – Jerod M., North Attleborough, MA
“Disease infested blankets” – Jeffrey A., Amherst MA
“Yolks from hard boiled eggs” – Brian L., Mansfield MA
“Blue cupcakes” – Joshua M., Nashua NH
“EpiPens” – Kendra M., Jacksonville FL
“Keep your grimy fingers off my blue cupcakes f*ck face. Give out some of those hand sanitizer bottles you’ve been swigging.” – Roger S., Nashua NH
“Serial killer vibes” – Jonathan B., Stoughton MA
“A free ride home from any detox center” – Frank S., Peabody MA
“L’s” – Steve R., Lowell MA
“Charcoal” – Bryan D., Quincy MA
“I can’t remember the question” – Corey B., Dorchester, MA
Speaking of early onset Alzheimer’s, don’t forget to turn those clocks back on Sunday
Why am I waiting an extra hour to eat?
Sunday Lunch Time Bears (-2.5) at Bengals Tigers lose to Bears, oh my!
Vikings at Lions (-8.5) Jungle kings maul marauders
Panthers at Packers (-12.5) Meatmen slice and dice black cats
I think I’d prefer the slicing and dicing
Broncos (-1.5) at Texans Broncos nix Texicans
Falcons at Patriots (-5.5) Patriots finally get revenge for almost losing the Super Bowl nine years ago
What did the Squirtle say to the Charmander?
49ers (-2.5) at Giants Prospectors pinch Pituitaries
Colts (-3) at Steelers Indianapolis Jones yanks Yinzers
Chargers (-9.5) at Titans Bolts tingle Tits
It looks safe to me
Sunday Dinner Time Saints at Rams (-14) Saints get excommunicated in the City of Angels
Jaguars (-3) at Raiders Spotty cats claw Pete’s poodles
Get busy doodle boy
Chiefs (-2) at Bills Chiefs take down tatanka
Those are some crazy looking coyotes
Sunday Prowl Time Seahawks (-3.5) at Commanders Fake sea birds soar over swamp things
Monday Prowl Time Cardinals at Cowboys (-2.5) Cowboys cage pretty red birds
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
The first thing I’d ask if I were at a crooked poker game is, ‘Does the table always hum like that?’
Once again, the local media contingent is the last to know breaking Patriots news.
I thought we had so many years left with Beef. His absence leaves a void that can only be filled with fatter, more hilariously named men.
You know it could be a good day when one of the first things you hear is Screamin’ Jay Hawkins singing “I Put A Spell On You.”
Does Eliot Wolf fancy himself as some kind of 6th round draft savant?
The Bruins appear to be bipolar. Unfortunately.
That stuff that Chauncey Billups and Damon Jones are accused of is legitimately the type of stuff that gets people taken out. No exaggeration.
Cakes are cooking for Ralph Bakshi, Claude Brochu, Robbie van Leeuwen, Richard Dreyfuss, Kate Jackson, Guy Gelso, Denis Potvin, Lee Child, Roger O’Donnell, Dan Castellaneta, Jesse Barfield, Mike Gartner, Michael Carter, Randy Jackson, Yasmin Le Bon, Peter Timmons, Joely Fisher, Rufus Sewell, Peter Breen, Marquez Pope, Gabrielle Union, Tracee Ellis Ross, Michael Shur, Ben Foster, Amanda Beard, Maurice Clarett, Chris Baio, Eric Staal, Gio Benitez, Andy Dalton, and Evan Fournier.
Sarge, that picture should be titled ‘Beefcake Heaven’ or the ‘Studs on Causeway.’
It’s always best to point shave in game 7 of the ECF, a game nobody pays attention to.
Orange Line Update: Please continue to expect delays of about 10 minutes while signal personnel work to overcome a switch problem at Oak Grove.
Does Hogdale become the new Barstool Beef automatically, or is a vote needed?
I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: I love rugby style punters.
Hey gang of fun-haters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “One-day contracts are stupid.”
Never thought I’d be looking at the NBA Tankathon page again so soon but here we are.
Brian Kelly. Free to pursue other opportunities.
I never understood how an inverted W isn’t just an M.
Pablo Torre’s working on Jordon Hudson’s connection to this NBA gambling scandal.
Coach Vrabes is whacking people with connections to the Lombardi crime family.
Isn’t Dybantsa the drug that treats POTS?
There are survivalist ham radio operators with better Arbitron ratings than WEEI’s lineup.
I am physically incapable of not saying Quinshon Judkins without using the same cadence as ‘Leroy Jenkins.’
Climate change stops when we harness the power of pregame show fake laughs for clean energy.
In Deliver Me from Nowhere, Bruce Springsteen says his favorite hotdog condiment is mustard but in real life, Bruce Springsteen hates mustard so much he did a whole yap about it during a show. How the hell did E Street Ombudsman Gary W. Tallent let this happen?
Working on a fun story tonight where I get to combine two passions: special teams and apple cider doughnuts.
We’ve reached the point where it’s no longer Hazel may … it’s Hazel does.
Today I learned that primer is pronounced, ‘primmer’ when used as a preview of something. I have been mispronouncing that for 46 years.
It’s like those veteran suicide awareness commercials, but instead of some jarhead, they send in Bill Burt and “Hardy.”
Barstool Tofu is still alive and well.
Robert Saleh’s defense loves undersized interior penetrators.
I put a spell on you Because you’re mine Stop the things you tell Watch out, I ain’t lyin’.
Yeah, I can’t stand it No runnin’ around I can’t stand it No, put me down.
I put a spell on you Because you’re mine, oh yeah Stop the things you do Watch out, I ain’t lyin’.
Pets are the best so you just have to give them the best life possible while you can and let them live forever in your memories.
Fun Fact: Point shaving in the WNBA is called point waxing.
Pats should sign Jerod Mayo to a one-day contract and immediately cut him.
Honk if you remember the F/V Andrea Gail.
Or maybe Barstool is like Al-Qaeda: One leader dies, they’re automatically replaced. Seamless transition.
TreyVeyon got his touches! Now what to complain about?
If Hogdale is streaming to ten people during a normal game, I wonder what was happening in the 18th inning the other night.
Another reminder MLB should have emergency backup pitchers in the stands. EBUPs.
I can’t remember a Sunday night when I didn’t think Cris Collinsworth is an asshole. Last Sunday was not one of them.
Sad about Logan Mankins. Maybe Speros stole his donor kidney?
Why on Earth is Marlins Man still a thing? Go away already. It’s played out.
Best bet for the weekend: zero bags of leftover candy.
Bad start, good finish.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Hacksaw & Yahtzee, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Happy Halloween, ladies. (laughs) Nuns. No sense of humor.
And happy Birthday to actress Winona Ryder, who puts one on a Halloween frame of mind.
Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Football Cat was outpicked by the Merrimack Valley’s savviest aunt. Congratulations, lady.
How to play? Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
Hat. Shirt. Fluff.
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Dolphins at Falcons
Bears at Ravens
Bills at Panthers
Jets at Bengals
49ers at Texans
Browns at Patriots
Giants at Eagles
Buccaneers at Saints
Cowboys at Broncos
Titans at Colts
Packers at Steelers
Commanders at Chiefs (Tiebreaker – total points scored)
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) or, if that isn’t your bag, post them on the Twitter and our merry band of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
With Halloween only one week away you are probably looking for a fun, yet simple, way to get into the spooky spirit. Little did you know that bone chilling excitement is just a phone call away.
Traverse into the eerie elements of the other world and encounter those who lurk in the night. Call the Halloween Haunted Hotline at 585-IF-U-DARE! Carefully choose your fright, not all who call survive the night.
There are many haunted attractions in New England, but none scarier than the House on Harris Road in Nashua, NH. Home of the infamous “Death Couch”. Those who dare sit on the sofa will be doomed, and not just because they’ve come in contact with its sticky coating of ectoplasm. Within the past three years there have been documented cases of a man suffering a debilitating stroke, another being institutionalized (multiple times), numerous extraterrestrial visitations and one actual death happening to people after they’ve sat upon the cursed couch. If you’re interested in purchasing it, or some old ceiling tiles, you can call 603-881-6980. In lieu of cash, blue cupcakes will be accepted in trade.
In celebration of the Halloween season, Sony Pictures and Ghost Corps have launched a brand-new campaign, letting fans both call and text the Ghostbusters. If you’ve got something strange in your neighborhood to report, pick up the phone and call (or text) 516-718-TRAP.
Wrinkles the Clown is no Stephen King character, but that doesn’t make this real-life clown any less creepy. Based in Naples, Florida, this clown offers a wide variety of services, like performing at parties and intentionally scaring children. Calling 407-734-0254 sends you to his voicemail, where we’re told you can hear a pretty chilling message.
Would you like to speak with Frankenstein’s monosyllabic monster? Then just dial 617-779-7937 any weekday afternoon between 2 pm and 6 pm. Remember he has an abnormal brain, so please be patient and speak slowly.
Bread good… ratings BAD!
Just remember that standard message and data rates may apply.
Sunday Lunch Time Dolphins at Falcons (-7.5) Penix penetrates porpoises
Bears at Ravens (-6.5) Scary black birds spook da’ Bears
Frightening
Bills (-7.5) at Panthers Hairy cows rub black cats the wrong way
Jets at Bengals (-6.5) Stripey cats maul Jets
49ers at Texans (-1.5) Mac gives Houston problems
My good friend Mac continues to own
Browns at Patriots (-7) It’s no longer Drake may… it’s Drake IS!
Drake-a-mania grips Hub!
Giants at Eagles (-7.5) Philly dash Dart
Sunday Dinner Time Buccaneers (-4.5) at Saints Bucs cook Cajuns
Cowboys at Broncos (-3.5) Denver does Dallas
We said Denver, not Debbie… D E N V E R
Titans at Colts (-14) Indianapolis Jones whips Tits
Sunday Prowl Time Packers at Steelers (-3) Packmen rout Rodgers
Looking sharp
Monday Prowl Time Commanders at Chiefs (-12.5) KC shuts down DC
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
Football Cat went 11-3 for the week, better than any of the opposition.
Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
You like prizes.
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Rams at Jaguars
Saints at Bears
Dolphins at Browns
Raiders at Chiefs
Eagles at Vikings
Panthers at Jets
Patriots at Titans
Giants at Broncos
Colts at Chargers
Packers at Cardinals
Commanders at Cowboys
Falcons at 49ers
Buccaneers at Lions
Texans at Seahawks
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our fine squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants
Mercury, draw near, and to my prayer incline, Angel of Jove and Maia’s son divine; Studious of contests, ruler of mankind, With heart almighty, and a prudent mind. Celestial messenger, of various skill, Whose powerful arts could watchful Argus kill: With winged feet, ’tis thine thro’ air to course, O friend of man, and prophet of discourse: Great life-supporter, to rejoice is thine, In arts gymnastic, and in fraud divine: With power endured all language to explain, Of care the loosener, and the source of gain. Whose hand contains of blameless peace the rod, Corucian, blessed, profitable God; Of various speech, whose aid in works we find, And in necessities to mortals kind: Dire weapon of the tongue, which men revere, Be present, Mercury, and thy suppliant hear; Assist my works, conclude my life with peace, Give graceful speech, and my memory’s increase. -The Orphic Hymn to Mercury
Did someone say Mercury?
Sunday Full English Breakfast Time Rams (-3) at Jaguars Horny sheep shag Jags
Oh behave!
Sunday Lunch Time Saints at Bears (-4.5) Poohs rattle Popes
Dolphins at Browns (-2.5) Fairies fry fish
Raiders at Chiefs (-11.5) Indigenous Peoples are on the war path
Please don’t pee pee in the teepee
Eagles (-1.5) at Vikings Philly sinks Norsemen
Panthers (-1.5) at Jets Black cats ground jet lagged New Yorkers
Teterboro Tower, this is Piper 2-0-2
Patriots (-7) at Titans Patriots pinch Tits
Sunday Dinner Time Giants at Broncos (-7) Denver drops Dart
Colts at Chargers (-1.5) Indianapolis Jones pulls the Plugs
Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.
Packers at Cardinals (-6.5) Meatmen pluck pretty red birds
Commanders (-2.5) at Cowboys Washington shuts down Dallas
From Dallas, Texas, the flash, apparently official: The Cowboys stink
Sunday Prowl Time Falcons at 49ers (-2.5) Penix plows Prospectors
Monday Prowl Time Buccaneers at Lions (-5.5) Kings of Beasts maul Mayfield
Monday Sleepy Time Texans at Seahawks (-3) Houston upsets Fake Sea Birds, but it’s still baseball season in Seattle!
It all comes back to baseball, Danny
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
We had yet another winner this week, who will be announced when and if they check their email!
Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Broncos at Jets
Rams at Ravens
Cowboys at Panthers
Cardinals at Colts
Seahawks at Jaguars
Chargers at Dolphins
Browns at Steelers
Patriots at Saints
Titans at Raiders
49ers at Buccaneers
Bengals at Packers
Lions at Chiefs
Bills at Falcons
Bears at Commanders
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our intrepid squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
Mythology of the Succubus A succubus is a demon or supernatural entity in folklore and mythology, often depicted as a beautiful young woman who seduces men in their dreams, or on a flight from Massachusetts to Florida, feeds off their life energy and sometimes even causes death – or worse, she may ruin their reputation as the greatest football coach of all time! The Succubus has evolved from a terrifying figure in religious folklore to a more complex social influencer character in modern society, frequently representing temptation, seduction and danger. Her demonic nature makes her a fascinating figure in the intersection of desire, football and the supernatural.
Characteristics of the Succubus
Seductive Appearance: The Succubus typically appears as a beautiful and alluring young woman, using her physical attractiveness to manipulate and seduce her victims. She may even pretend to enjoy reading books on planes. While her outward appearance is stunning, it conceals her true demonic form, which can include bat-like wings, horns, a tail and a very snarky personality – marking her as a creature of the underworld.
Dream Manipulation: One of the Succubus’ defining traits is her ability to enter the dreams of her victims. The victim may be completely unaware that he would have been much happier hanging out with the Manning brothers every Monday Night, instead of listening to parents complain that lil’ Johnny Knoxboro isn’t getting enough playing time.
Energy Drain and Life Force Consumption: A Succubus sustains herself by feeding off the life energy (a.k.a. money) of her victims, often via multiple million dollar real estate transactions. Over time, repeated interaction with a Succubus can lead to a person’s gradual deterioration as their life force, and reputation as a football genius, is siphoned away.
Shape-Shifting and Immortality: Succubi are often portrayed as immoral demons who can take on any appearance they desire, making them highly skilled in deception. Their ability to transform allows them to infiltrate society and manipulate individuals with ease. They may appear as a cheerleader, or a philosopher, or a cheerleader philosopher, or even a philosopher cheerleader. A Succubus may claim to be a recent graduate from the New England Hair Academy but don’t be fooled, she has been ruining lives since the dawn of time.
If you suspect that you, or someone whose football acumen you love, may be under the influence of a Succubus please alert the University of North Carolina Athletic Department at (919) 843-2000 or by visiting their website, GoHeels.com!
Regular evil
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sunday English Muffin Time Broncos (-7.5) at Jets Broncos bang and mash jolly old Jets
Sunday Lunch Time Rams (-7.5) at Ravens Rams rout Ravens
Cowboys (-3) at Panthers Cowboys flip off black cats
Jerry thinks YOU are #1
Cardinals at Colts (-7) Indianapolis Jones rolls over red birds
Seahawks at Jaguars (-1.5) Fake sea birds soar over spotted cats
Chargers (-4.5) at Dolphins Bolts reel in fish
Browns at Steelers (-5.5) Yinzers devour Brownies
NO!
Patriots (-3.5) at Saints Krafts cook Cajuns
Sunday Dinner Time Titans at Raiders (-3.5) Vegas tops Tits
Did someone say Vegas Tit Top?
49ers at Buccaneers (-3) Baker’s boys boil Mac
Bengals at Packers (-14) Meatmen grind stripey cats
Ouch!
Sunday Prowl Time Lions at Chiefs (-2.5) Taylor’s team tames lions
How big is the wood?
Monday Prowl Time Bills (-4.5) at Falcons Bills bounce back
Bears at Commanders (-4.5) Washington shuts down Ditkas
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
I can’t be giving away prizes every other week! it’s unsustainable!
Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!
We had another winner this week, who will be announced when and if they check their email!
Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)
(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)
Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:
Vikings at Browns
Cowboys at Jets
Broncos at Eagles
Texans at Ravens
Raiders at Colts
Dolphins at Panthers
Giants at Saints
Buccaneers at Seahawks
Titans at Cardinals
Lions at Bengals
Commanders at Chargers
Patriots at Bills
Chiefs at Jaguars
Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) and our intrepid squad of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!
The 15 