Tag Archives: Boston Sports Media

04/30/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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The Magic paid for that confetti, and they were damn sure going to use it! Losers.

Nobody picks worse acquaintances than Bill Belichick. Except maybe Ahmad Rashad.

If your lawyer wears a Hanes beefy tee you going to prison.

Have a goddamn series, Boldy! Wowza.

A solo homer when the score is 12-5 cuts the lead in half!

I love listening to Will Campbell talk.

Dummy Scal at halftime said the Celtics aren’t suddenly gonna hit a bunch of threes.

Cakes are cooking for Carl XVI Gustaf, Perry King, Phil Garner, Jane Campion, Lars von Trier, Paul Gross, Stephen Harper, Isiah Thomas, Michael Waltrip, Adrien Pasdar, J.R. Richards, Elliott Sadler, Johnny Galecki, Kunal Nayyar, Kirsten Dunst, Lloyd Banks, Gal Gadot, Ana de Armas, and Travis Scott.

How fucking funny were the Jerky Boys the first time you heard them (likely on a cassette tape)?

Sox win, and we’re having cacio e pepe for dinner. That is a perfect Sunday.

Red Line Ashmont Branch Reminder: Through end of service today, April 30. Shuttle Buses are replacing service between JFK/UMass and Ashmont.

So many smoked bunnies. Don’t you think?

I was today years old when I found out the Philadelphia Eagles logo faces left so it can form a hidden E on the right.

Celtics should’ve added Zadorov to the roster for Game 4.

Hey gang of hardball enthusiasts! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Her dad forgot to oil her, tie her up and leave her under the mattress. Now her pocket’s all loose and dry.”

Going to see Sinners later. Pretty fired up for it. Great word of mouth.

People are upset spent more time on the dynastic teams of his childhood than the most recent championship team. Very shocking stuff. Celtics twitter is one of the worst places on earth

Egregious typographical error? That’s just part of #owning.

The Sandwich Is Good … The Sandwich Is Bussin.

Maybe it’s just me, but I would like to see Campbell take a step or two up the brick-shithouse scale. He looks a little pudgy to me. Maybe because he’s just a kid …

Say maybe more.

Larry the Globe Pitchbot breaks character more often than Jimmy Fallon.

I was one of 14K+ at Fenway 39 years ago last night.

Get well soon Dame.

Susan Tedeschi is basically Bonnie Raitt 2.0, right?

Nailing hookers is alpha. Streamlines your day so you can get back to doing your elite football game planning quicker without all the nagging. Can’t date and share passwords with them, though. Big fumble, there.

The Dillon Gabriel pick makes fuck all sense now.

Must’ve been mid afternoon
I could tell by how far the child’s shadow stretched out and
He walked with a purpose
In his sneakers, down the street
He had many questions
Like children often do
He said:

Tell me all your thoughts on God
Tell me am I very far

Sorry Spam callers, I rarely answer any phone calls that doesn’t come from someone in my contacts.

Skunk cabbage!

You know who’d love a photo of a cemetery? Maria Stephanos.

It’s Daniel Whitley, not David Whitley.

Shedeur already high-hosied the chair with armrests in the Cleveland quarterback room.

Honk if you remember Father Guido Sarducci.

Um, you guys, if Jordon was a ‘tute Bob Hohler would have found out by now.

Quinten Post looks like a guy who is addicted to Mountain Dew.

I thought that was a great catch by Varsho.

Really interested in the comeback of the term “slurve”. In the 70s and early 80s there were dozens/ pitchers who threw slurves, but beginning in the mid-80s the half-and-half pitch began to acquire a BAAD reputation.

At least Giannis can go help fight the gorilla now.

Best bet for the weekend: fade the Mutnansky horses.

Nice recovery and catch.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. No more 2025 mock drafts?

And feliz cumpleanos to actress Ana de Armas.

04/23/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Number 11 in your programs, NBA Sixth Man Winner for 2025.

One thing you don’t wanna do is FAFO with the Celtics girlies.

Has Pedro Pascal’s schedule been too busy to do a Rosie Ruiz film?

“Griffin Canning” sounds like a mortgage-free Western Mass charity drive.

Episode 7, Reggie Lewis. Man.

Irons is just jealous because I have two scoops of raisins.

The TNA Champion getting a WrestleMania match? Unreal. The night gets even better.

One more mock draft and I’m throwing up in my mouth…..

At least the Celtics didn’t also list Tatum on the injury report for his emotional problems.

Cakes are cooking for Lee Majors, Blair Brown, Joyce DeWitt, Terry Moor, Judy Davis, Valerie Bertinelli, George Lopez, Magnús Ver Magnússon, Donna Weinbrecht, Melina Kanakaredes, Stan Frazier, Rachel Hetherington, Patrick Poulin, Sam Madison, Andruw Jones, John Cena, Jaime King, Joanna Krupa, Jessica Stam, Nicole Vaidišová, Gigi Hadad, Jake Kiszka, Josh Kiszka, and Chloe Kim.

Moxie is trans root beer. Tastes like a tree.

My comic book “Reasonable Doubt – In the Karen Read Case” is now available on Amazon. Dive into the details THEY don’t want you to see!

Laughter is the best medicine…except for Kratom.

I don’t know why everyone cares about RFK Jr’s thoughts on autism. That guy is retarded!

Five straight playoff losses for Linus Ullmark.

I question anyone that moves to Kentucky on purpose.

Only a sucker would have bet against the New England Revolution on the 250th Anniversary of Lexington and Concord.

Showers with your SO really are the best.

Hey gang of slumping underachievers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Look at me! I’m irritating old people!”

The tanning dye on Lucy’s hands is egregious.

Were there still dinosaur sportswriters bemoaning the 24 second shot clock ‘gimmick’ forty-five years after it was introduced?

I only leave the house when required.

My promise for Easter I will Never get on a Boeing 737 Plane.

It makes me sad a lot of ‘yall ‘will never know ab watermelon season in Arkansas.

I saw a pic of Kate Peter and she’s kinda hot.

Boston Celtics fans should be wearing green IMO. The NBA franchise I most associate with black attire is probably the Orlando Magic.

How come none of you MFers never told me how bomb sourdough bread is?

Sal, Your the Leader of the Band. Thank you.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world Dart Adams exists.

Is Jamal Webster serious with these questions?

Nelson Cruz has one of the most unusual career shapes of all time. He was literally five or six years late getting a foothold, for a player or that quality. Then he was short of the Hall of Fame, but not all that much short. Hit 464 homers, and wasn’t a bad right fielder.

What are they gonna do, melt down and tell me I’m worthless? My wife already does that.

Have to be believe KPerk needs help buttoning his shirt.

The only thing more pathetic than the Dondy/Ty holiday pairing is listening to them and trying to engage the show via Twitter.

The American Four of the Original Six should have a charity golf scramble.

I’m going back someday
Come what may, to Blue Bayou.
Where you sleep all day and the catfish play
On Blue Bayou.

All those fishin’ boats with their sails afloat
If I could only see.
That familiar sunrise through sleepy eyes
How happy I’d be.

Fun Fact: The slam dunk was invented by star player Curly “Heebie” Kikelberg, who helped lead CCNY to both the NCAA and NIT championships in 1950. He would later throw himself off the Brooklyn Bridge after being implicated in a point-shaving scandal.

The College of Cardinals has won zero SEC Championships.

I’m glad Yaz’s grandson has had himself a decent MLB career. Just makes me smile.

Alice Cook; you still got it, kid.

Honk if you remember Rhéal Cormier.

Peter Schrager makes Chris Gasper look like Warren Beatty.

Andy Lugo, now he can flip a bat.

The amount of talent Nico Harrison has dumped is insane.

Why don’t they make the whole Red Sox bullpen out of hot-headed Cubans?

PK Subban should change his name to PK Acho.

People are frecklier than you expect when meeting them in person.

Best bet for the weekend: Green Line: Shuttle Buses replace service between Government Center and Medford/Tufts for maintenance work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 109, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line.

And a happy birthday to Slovak tennis player Daniela Hantuchová.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Can we have class outside today?

Palm Beach BdlG.

04/16/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Rory completes the Grand Slam.

You know shit’s bad when Cora takes the blame.

It’s sad Don Hasselbeck won’t rest in peace seeing as he played for the Patriots before Parcells arrived and brought respectability to the franchise.

I thought I was buggin’. I was like wait, that’s DWhite??

Wait, the guy with like 10,000 tweets about Deuce Tatum turned out to be a creep? If only there were signs!

I am officially done doubting Paddy Pimblett, never again.

Shane Baz looks like a 55-year-old booze bag at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

I’m happy for Rory and whatever country he says he’s from today.

Cam in Taunton’s mom could steal 2nd on Blake Sabol.

Cakes are cooking for Jim Lonborg, Bob Montgomery, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Bill Belichick, Billy West, Ellen Barkin, Bruce Bochy, Anne Kursinski, David Pate, Ian MacKaye, Garry Galley, Dave Pirner, Jon Cryer, Martin Lawrence, Grace Kim, Steve Emtman, Natasha Zvereva, Peter Billingsley, Tracey K. Smith, Akon, Lukas Haas, Gina Carano, Luol Deng, Chance the Rapper, and Sadie Sink.

On this Netflix Red Sox show, MegO still has a job.

Green Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem near Copley.

Irons is just upset because he pays his bills.

I’m happy C.M Punk gets his WrestleMania main event. Much deserved. But I don’t know if I like it being a triple-threat. Why couldn’t Roman Reigns be Punk’s opponent and slot Rollins into the Jey/Gunther title match?

The Ten Commandments. ABC.

There’s a million bagel shops but why no places that specialize in rye toast?

My wife this morning used the term “high-falutin”, which used to be something you’d hear every day. Is falutin actually a word? Is it used in any other context, or does the only falutin have to be high falutin?

You can tell you’re in Barcelona by the amount of Dutch people working at the hotel.

Why is Dave O’Brien surprised that Rod Beck had a camper?

I feel like Upton Bell when I watch Lee Remick.

I wonder if Abby Chin’s husband even bothers (Vulgar Term Redacted). He’s just hungry again a half-hour later.

Hey gang of questionably sane aspiring Canadian post-graduates! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That is definitely the right Doctor specialty for me.”

All those quirky gayisms aren’t so cute when you suck.

I think I can prove Karen Read is innocent. There is a ‘magic bullet’ aspect to this case the defense is missing.

Boneless buffalo wings?? An aristocrat!

I believe our balls can be kept nice and clean without any rotary machinery!

Garrett Crochet reminds me of some other big lefty from the past, but I can’t quite say who. I’m talking about motion/delivery/release point. Somebody else who was good threw like that, but I can’t quite get there. Anybody?

I liked Jason Statham in ‘Agent of the Commonwealth.’

I can’t believe someone with all those vowels in their last name would miss the point so badly.

Honk if you remember Bill Rodgers.

My source for all things Flau’jae Johnson is obviously Owen Pence.

What is the hiring process like at Barstool? It’s a bunch of guys nicknamed Duggs who all weigh 900 pounds.

Put me out of my misery
I’d do it for you, would you do it for me
We will always be busy making misery

We could build a factory and make misery
We’ll create the cure; we made the disease
Frustrated Incorporated
Frustrated Incorporated.

The Accountant is insane. Affleck trying to act like an autistic weirdo who’s really good at both Rain Man-like forensic accounting and shooting people in the head.

Dale Arnold has to stand there like a cuck and watch Sophia do his job.

As they say in Sometimes a Great Notion, never give an inch.

My favorite thing about the Chat GPT action figures is when fat women make one in their own likeness and say, “Why do I look so fat?”

I got a skanky spam email. Don’t open any attachments from me.

Asbestos is a carcinogen? That’s a myth from big fiberglass.

Does anyone know if this is the first time that all four American-based Original Six teams have missed the playoffs?

I saw Pasta’s goal in the elevator. I’ve never experienced that before.

Steve Buckley writes an ‘Adam Viniatieri belongs in the Pats HOF’ article, and of course a Jim Lonborg story breaks out.

These Rays/Sox games at Steinbrenner Field feels like a Cape Cod League game.

Pluto, Fubo; it’s all the same thing.

Cameron Tabatabaie joins an illustrious history of Boston sports twitter sex perverts. We haven’t seen one this nasty since the likes of Craig Teed.

Best bet for the weekend: the bestest Easter dinner ever.

Soon.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Smack that, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

And happy birthday to British/American actress Anya Taylor-Joy.

04/09/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Know this: After throwing out the first pitch along with his 1975 AL Pennant winning teammates, Carl Yastrzemski was back home before all the jets that did the flyover had landed.

Sox fans. Feeling a little better now? It’s a long season, in case nobody ever told you.

Has any other adult ever tried one of those Squishmallows blankets? They’re ridiculously cozy!

Val Kilmer’s death didn’t feel real. But then I saw Rear Admiral’s obit on Barstool…

Even when the racially confusing broad isn’t on the NESN broadcast O’Brien and Merloni make me feel like they’re pitching me timeshares.

What a demeaning existence. Gresh would’ve been guarding the king’s drawbridge 500 years ago, but now he’s stuck discussing Geno Auriemma’s legacy on something called “InfSportsNet” at 1am.

Rafael Devers runs like Charles Durning in When a Stranger Calls.

And now it’s Houston that can’t buy a basket in the waning moments. Congratulations Florida.

I don’t trust grunting pitchers.

Cakes are cooking for Dennis Quaid, Kirk McCaskill, Cynthia Nixon, Graeme Lloyd, Jacques Villeneuve, Gerard Way, Clare Bronfman, Keshia Knight Pulliam, Yoanna House, Milan Bartovič, Adam Loewen, Leighton Meester, Kristen Stewart, Elle Fanning, Lil Nas X, and Brooke Raboutou.

Bad news for my enemies, I woke up.

Whoever let Eduardo Perez get into broadcasting is a monster.

Isn’t Oblivio a Spider-Man villain?

Red Line Reminder: April 10-30 Service between JFK/UMass & Ashmont will operate with a shuttle train on each track. A shuttle train is one train, operating back & forth, between Ashmont & JFK/UMass on a single track. Riders on the Ashmont Branch should expect longer wait times for trains during this work. Please transfer to the Braintree platform at JFK/UMass for continued service towards Alewife.

Am I the only one who thinks Kelvin Sampson looks like OJ Simpson? Noticed the other day and can’t unsee it.

The Denver Nuggets should hire Mina Kimes. She’s so smart.

‘Fraser Minten’ was my favorite flavor of Frusen Glädjé when I was a kid.

Nice tribute to Luis Tiant above the Monster, similar to the ones for Tim Wakefield and Larry Lucchino last year. Hopefully the Sox won’t need to put one up next season.

“Hey gang of landlubbers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “So my ex-girlfriend has joined the Navy and wants to see me before she leaves for Bootcamp.”

He’s gonna cross the sauces so hard tonight.

Wait, so Duran tried to kill himself because a law librarian bullied him?

Unless these MIT dorks invent a torpedo arm to help the Yankees pitchers throw the ball past people, this team isn’t going anywhere.

Okay, so the Russian beat the Canadian’s counting stat NHL total. Big deal.

“Ringing in the dough”? Is that a phrase?

Jay Williams who hasn’t wrecked his bike in like 20 years using “panic and miraculous” as his “one word to describe the Houston/Duke game” is peak ESPN.

‘Back to the Future’ but it’s Marty singing Jelly Roll at the school dance, and the entire crowd beats him to death.

Bruce Pearl is a slob.

When teams give extensions, they’re not just paying the player, they’re paying the person. Kristian Campbell is not the kind of guy that’s gonna be changed by money. He wants to learn and he wants to be great. Wholesomeness level at 100 just a great dude who worked to earn this.

Congrats to Marisa Ingemi, US Basketball Writers Association 2025 Rising Star.

Do you like PEEPS? I love PEEPS

The pretty ones who have no discernible talent but also don’t want to show their cooch are in a tough spot.

Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our Rice Krispies

We can’t hear anything at all.
Mother chants her litany of boredom and frustration.
But we know all her suicides are fake.

Daddy only stares into the distance.
There’s only so much more that he can take.
Many miles away
Something crawls from the slime
At the bottom of a dark
Scottish lake.

I was asked today about my NBA comp for Cooper Flagg. I went with Scottie Pippen. I believe it’s a compliment to both, and also accurate. Obviously no comp is ever 100% on the money. But I will say, comparing Flagg to only white players seems lazy and uninformed.

Carl Yastrzemski is the bizarro Bobby Orr.

The World Egg throwing Championship will take place in June in Swaton England. Assuming the competitors can afford the eggs.

Gary Gaetti and Tim Wallach are kind of the same player, aren’t they?

This is a super old guy take, but one of the things I like best about the tournament as opposed to every NBA game is that there’s nothing being played over the PA system while the game is being played. Everything’s about the game. The constant barrage of sound stinks.

We will use the dire wolves to hunt the de-extinct wooly mammoths.

So it’s just now registering that Wally the Green Monster’s name is “Wally” because of the wall. Is this a revelation for anyone else? Clarifying that I understood the green monster part. The “Wally” for the wall part? Right over my head.

Fun fact: cookies and seafood are different.

If your favorite outfielder isn’t Wily Mo Peña, are you really a fan?

Honk if you remember Fernandomania.

A lotta kids shredded their rotator cuff because of that Canobie Lake Park radar gun.

Whose wife did Mike Malone bang?

RIP Octavio Dotel. I’m going to have to stop using the phrase, ‘as safe as a Dominican nightclub’ now.

So down to The Masters, how’s Tiger hittin’ em?

We unfroze our Yaz bread after the 2004 World Series. It smelled like cigarettes.

Best bet for the weekend: more much needed rain.

And that’s a sweep of the Knickerbockers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Aja, when all my dime dancin’ is through, I run to you.

And happy birthday to Czech-born supermodel Paulina Porizkova.
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