As it turns out, Football Cat was making rather merry yesterday, and is in no condition to make picks this week. But fear not! Other the15net.com adjacent animals have graciously stepped up to fill the void. Football Cat will be back next week, tanned and rested, and ready to ring in the New Year.
A poor excuse for picking a dog’s pocket every twenty fifth of December!
Saturday Dinner Time Texans at Chargers (-1.5) After a thorough review of each team’s sleep scores and rain gauges, Frank says take the Texans
My diet consists entirely of discarded egg yolks
Saturday Prowl Time Ravens at Packers (-3) Jocko doesn’t like the Black Birds
Sunday Lunch Time Seahawks (-7) at Panthers Jocko doesn’t like the Black Cats
Jocko is set in his ways
Cardinals at Bengals (-7.5) Warren Dull’s second stepfather’s neighbor’s nephew’s grandmother once had a budgie that got eaten by her bridge partner’s cat. The stripey cats do the same to the pretty red birds.
Trouble brewing
Steelers (-3) at Browns The Cleveland Pig will be drowning her sorrows at the feeding trough
The Ozempic has done wonders for her
Jaguars (-6.5) at Colts Kenny the pet bee thinks the Jags swarm the Colts. Indy better have extra epee pens on hand.
She suffers from rosacea you inconsiderate jerks!
Buccaneers (-5.5) at Dolphins Jasper loves the Bucs inside and out.
Keep shining! People notice!
Patriots (-13.5) at Jets Loki is waiting to see a jet crash and burn
Think lovely thoughts
Saints (-2.5) at Titans Millie says to lay it all on the Tits
Pay attention to Millie!
Sunday Dinner Time Giants (-1.5) at Raiders The Teddy the doodle is a fan of Pete the poodle
He’s hypoallergenic and machine washable
Eagles at Bills (-1.5) Packo loves Buffalo, especially their wings with a nice coating of Rub Smoke Love BEEF CAKE premium all-natural beef rub and seasoning.
It was a very popular stocking stuffer
Sunday Prowl Time Bears at 49ers (-3) Marv thinks that Bears will lay low and then suddenly snap and go for the 49ers jugular.
Hi Marv!
Monday Prowl Time Rams (-7.5) at Falcons Cocaine bear loves LA
* loud grunting noises *
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Thank you to our partner, Karma Asian Fusion, for providing a delicious holiday sushi lunch to the local collaborative today!
You’d think the 40 pounds of cold weather gear Lamar was wearing might also have protected him from injury.
No offense, but I have no interest in hearing about which items are not on people’s bingo cards. Also, I had no idea so many people played bingo.
It’s almost like Joe Mazulla is a good coach and Brad Stevens is good at finding overachieving role players.
Ann Michael Maye should do follow up TikToks where she cleans up the Bakemas mess she made in her kitchen.
Take a few days off, Bruins. It’s needed.
It doesn’t matter what NFL teams are playing… whenever a starting quarterback goes out with an injury, I just assume Gardner Minshew is coming in to replace him.
Is signing Wilson Contreras smile-worthy?
The athletes do a great job of not hitting fans, usually.
Cakes are cooking for Bob Lobel, Ian Burden, Michael Flynn, Lee Daniels, Carol Vorderman, Jay Wright, Gavin O’Connor, Jay Bilas, Mary Ramsey, Mark Valley, Deidrich Bader, Ricky Martin, Stephenie Meyer, Ryan Seacrest, and Riyo Mori.
My favorite Christmas movie is the one where they use Darlene Love during a montage.
George Pickens will make a ton of NIL money in the Transfer Portal (free agency).
Lifting to slow jams is underrated.
If Mike Tirico was calling the Miracle on Ice, he’d yell out that they still have to beat Finland.
Honestly, at this point everyone should just block Variety. They clearly WANT to spoil the moviegoing experience in advance. They like the engagement. Just mute/block them altogether.
Aita and Fajardo sound like Boston restaurants that closed this year.
Coach Vrabes always looks like he’s trying to remember if he unplugged the iron before he left the house.
Sex crimes aside, the island looks pretty cool.
It’s a tragedy that Jimmy the Greek never got to lay eyes on Derrick Henry.
Hey gang enjoying their time off, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That beard must smell like a ferret.”
I love Nike Dri-Fit shirts.
Orange Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Jackson. Personnel are on-scene to resolve the problem. Trains may stand by at stations.
Pit Beef isn’t a rapper who just died?
I hadn’t watched GREMLINS in ages. Caught it the other night and realized that’s where QT boosted the ending for INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS. (I’m sure it’s been pointed out elsewhere several times.)
I don’t even know why Oprah is in this graphic.
Circling back to my use of CC watching ‘The Wire’, I was unfamiliar with the S1 lingo. It was largely local drug parlance. So I went to subtitles and it informed me in a way that was much better to understand the show. And it’s also done the same for so many others.
I always look forward to the Celtics account’s Injury Report tweets to see if Tatum is still on it.
Tony Dungy looks like Red Skull in a BET version of Captain America.
I just spent an obscene amount of time explaining to my daughters that the Chiefs’ Kansas City is in Missouri, not Kansas. And now I’ve gotta put the toothpaste back into that tube?!?
Yes, I call individual black men, ‘the brother.’ I’m Richard Roundtree.
Brooklyn Raines – MLS player or OnlyFans porn star?
I could have been someone Well so could anyone You took my dreams from me When I first found you I kept them with me babe I put them with my own Can’t make it all alone I’ve built my dreams around you,
The boys of the NYPD choir Still singing Galway Bay And the bells are ringing out For Christmas day.
Not a bad time to catch up on podcasts and Taylor Sheridan TV shows.
2026 can’t get here fast enough…2025 absolutely sucks…of all the shitty stuff this year, the icing on the cake is apparently Dollar Tree no longer carries the Animal Crackers I am addicted to.
I’ve never seen an Asian broad with nice teeth.
Our Boston sports family will learn the hard way. Every single one of them.
Yhoiker Fajardo is both a great and terrible name.
Honk if you remember the Bruins going over the dasher and into the stands at Madison Square Garden.
Darryl Johnston does not shut the fuck up.
A wild Home Alone fact. The Christmas film came out in 1991 and was such a hit in Europe that “Kevin” became the most popular baby name in France, Germany and Netherlands for a few years.
That Corona “O Christmas Tree” whistling ad gets my dog’s attention every time.
Happy Festivus to all the losers and haters.
Best bet for the weekend: Wasabi. Fenway. Bowl.
Why can’t we get associated with holidays like that?
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.
And a Merry Christmas from actress/singer Taylor Momsen, seen here wearing her old Cindy Lou Who costume from ‘How The Grinch Stole Christmas‘.
(Dear The15net dot com Wicked Pissah Beantown Chowderheads Platinum Elite Members; Here is a musical playlist for your particular winter holiday enjoyment. And everyone else who stayed off the naughty list this year. Click HERE to download. Additional song suggestions are welcomed in the comments. )
Mary, Did You Know That Bert Bell Invented the NFL Draft? – Upton Bell & The Drells
Roger Got Run Over By A Reindeer (Unfortunately) – The Skulking Muskrats
Carol of the Fog Bells – Foxboro Human Shield Chorale
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (and a few doctors) – the Bowen 5
Can They Hear What I Hear, Mike? – Live Zzam
Let It Snow 3.5″ According to my Ruler in Mansfield, MA – BHL
Rich Tried to Put Me on Santa’s Naughty List – Ferrante & Toettcher
Away in a Pallet Shack – MC 34 Year Old Jesus
You Guys I’m Deathly Allergic to Rudolph the Red #5 Nosed Reindeer!!! – Kendra Middleton
Shalise Manza Young – José Feliciano
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Expect for That Sack of Shit Stever)- Carmine Tazzi
Staring at Christmas Trees – Gregory Alan Isakov
Why Can’t We Get Messiahs Like That? – Bob Lobel and the Boston Jewish Men’s Choir
Happy Xmas (War is Over, Kid) – Rear Admiral
A Visit From St. Nicholas- recited by The Honorable Thomas M. Menino (deceased)
Fairytale of New York and of Boston and of Philadelphia – The Shukes
Eight Maids a Milking was #1 on my 2021 12 Days of Christmas Draft Board – Danny Kelley
In the Bleak Mid-Winter Ratings – Brighton Chilly
I Heard the Bells on Happy Honda Days – The Herb Chambers Choir
The MutStacker Suite – The Saratoga Tiny Brass Band
I Won’t Be Home for Christmas (Or Until You Get Offline) – Mrs. Bowen and the Chatty Nurses
Don We Now Our Gay Apparel- Zesty Freddy Lynn
Hark! The Herald Is Just $1 For 1 Year If You Subscribe Now – Callahan & Kyed
Christmas In Millis – Average White Band
She Bettah Nawt Bring Him to Christmas Dinnah – Keno Snapback Guys
Greenteamersleeves – The Blehhhhs
Who Told You King Wenceslas was Good? – Oafis Redding & the Carbonless Trio
Walking in a Winter Hill Wonderland – The Feebs
Angels We Have Heard on High Got Better Ratings Than WEEI Afternoons – Arbitronix
Two goals in one game. Pretty good. Is a hattie for Geekie in the future?
They used to have cool pregame montages before big games on TV.
Biff Poggi is a tremendous Star Wars name.
Imagine how sore Phil Rivers is this morning. Damn. And there’ll be somebody reminding him, “it’s always worse the second day!”
Bummed the NBA cup is over, I really enjoyed not having games to watch.
I know America is back because I’m watching a white linebacker named “Jack.”
If Buddy Cianci was still Mayor, this guy would have been caught within a couple hours. Figure it out.
Holy cow. What a tragedy. Pray for Mahomes.
Do you think Donnie Wahlberg has a red phone that TV producers call when they need a Boston-themed gameday promo?
Ann Michael Maye make your husband as many peppermint chocolate cookies as he WANTS.
Cakes are cooking for Chris Matthews, Ernie Hudson, Eugene Levy, Wes Studi, James Alexander, Paul Rodgers, Ken Hitchcock, Barry Livingston, Bill Pullman, Peter Farrelly, Mike Mills, Tammie Green, Michele Tafoya, Craig Berube, Vincent Damphousse, Curtis Pride, Chuck Liddell, DJ Homicide, Claire Forlani, Tony Richardson, Laurie Holden, Rian Johnson, Giovonni Ribisi, Duff Goldman, Sarah Paulson, Milla Jovovich, Takeo Spikes, Arnaud Clement, Alex Cintrón, Chase Utley, Manny Pacquiao, Neil Sanderson, Jaimee Foxworth, Ryan Hunter-Reay, David Longstreth, and Nat Wolff.
Yeah, bro. Just add 3 MPH to your fastball.
Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Let’s not disparage big floppy tits.”
Coach Drip should take the ‘72 Lombardi out and drag it out around the parking lot from a rope tied to his car.
Nick Wright looks like he’d challenge Indiana Jones to a scimitar duel.
Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.
An ACL tear is a sprained knee as a stroke is a headache.
This part of the calendar is hysterical. Half the days I’m using up my PTO and the other ones, my calendar is so empty that I’m sitting around diagramming new drills to run in my practices.
Carlton Davis III has returned to the game (fourth quarter, 9:55).
Congratulations to the New York Knicks for winning the NBA Emirates Cup. As far as made-up awards from an ethically dubious outfit, it’s no FIFA Peace Prize.
Had no idea there was a Utah NHL team. Been living under a rock I guess.
Honk if you remember where they serve meat in Melrose.
Just heard a radio commercial for a water filtration system. The woman doing the V/O says “it’s echo friendly” as in An echo that goes hello, hello…..isnt it pronounced eeeeeco(eco)? these are the things that keep me up these days……ugh.
Mentho-Lyptus!
Carlton Davis reminds me so much of Browner. Hope he doesn’t try to kill his girlfriend in a few years.
Decide yourself if radio’s gonna stay Reason it could polish up the gray Put that, put that, put that up your wall That this isn’t country at all Radio station decide yourself
Keep me out of country and the word Wheel of fortune’s leading us absurd Push that, push that, push that to the floor That this isn’t nothing at all Straight off the boat, where to go
Calling out in transit Calling out in transit Radio Free Europe (Radio)
Weather app tells me it feels like Drake Maye’s uniform number outside right now. I wish it felt like his completion percentage.
Families allow you to spend time with people you would otherwise never associate with.
How does Adam Jones not get punched every day?
Perhaps a boost the Bearcats need as Jizzle James returns to the basketball roster.
I swear Cena is having his 5th “last match” in a 3-month span.
Ann Michael Maye likes baking, and terrariums, and firetrucks, and hugs.
For seasonal home decorations, The Nightmare Before Christmas is really the way to go. Put them up early October when it’s still nice out and let it ride all the way through New Year’s.
Chloe the German Shepherd a suspect yet in that Hollywood double murder?
Fun Fact: Winning the NBA Cup qualifies the Knicks for the 2026 CONCACAF Champions League.
Eh, Patriots just got the Michael Gee Memorial pre-playoff loss out of the way.
Selling the Pittsburgh Penguins means FSG can focus of the Red Sox again. Right?
Best bet for the weekend: throwing all the records out the window when JMU takes on Oregon.
Congratulations to Bianca de la Garza on being recognized as Dame of the House of Savoy in the August family of chivalric orders. There is nuthin’ like a dame.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Rock and Roll fantasy.
And happy birthday to Canadian actress Katheryn Winnick.
Notre Dame still has a chance at the CFP if Mike Pence does the right thing.
People saying Herbert was rude to Laura Rutledge are nuts. That was nothing; I’m ruder to more people than that every day before 8 am.
Great time of year for sports. Spring Training right around the corner.
Boy genius Jaylen Brown not understanding what having an extra chromosome means is still more proof Bill Nye is not a science guy.
Whether you like the Colts or not, if you’re not rooting for Phillip Rivers like this is a real-life Disney movie, you’re not a true football fan.
Don’t even think about it, Tom Brady.
Dave Portnoy hates antisemitism. Hates it almost as much as losing a tiny sum of money on a bad beat!
Anna Michael Maye is 1000x more likeable than Gisele ever was.
Shams is basically the guy at your wife’s work who, in an effort to bang her, tells her every little transgression you’ve ever made and will even make some stuff up if it gets her in the sack.
Cakes are cooking for Gloria Loring, Walter Orange, Susan Dey, Jack Hues, John J. York, Mark Aguirre, Kenneth Brannaugh, Paul Assenmacher, Nia Peeples, Robin White, Bobby Flay, Luis Polonia, J Mascis, Mel Rojas, Rob Blake, Brian Molko, Meg White, Matt Bentley, Patrick Flueger, Raven-Symone, Teyana Taylor, Kiki Layne, Joe Burrow, Maja Stark, and Alex Steeves.
The actual football fans will be watching the Idaho vandals take FCS by storm in 2026.
Hey gang of f-f-f-f-lipping winners, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “We saw in some of the early games that the pill was kinda slippery.”
Guess what? You don’t get to be the ombudsman when you were a Mayo guy until the bitter end.
I’m a big vest guy. Mimics my wetsuits and keeps my core warm. And speaking of wetsuits, I won’t get in the water if the air temp is below 45 and the water temp is below 50. Different when I was younger but I’m old and a bit of a bitch now.
Families allow you to spend time with people you would otherwise never associate with.
Mary J Blige doesn’t get enough credit.
At some point the Dodgers will sign big free agents they don’t even have spots for and pay them to stay home so other teams can’t get them.
Blue Line: delays of up to 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Airport.
I’m 100% Irish 2nd generation and vinegar hasn’t come with 100 ft of any French Fry of mine..!!!!
It’s easy to confuse novelty acts.
Aroldis Chapman’s next arrest will be for pushing his wife’s face into some spotted dick.
Is it me…or are NFL officials getting worse? You can’t watch a game without seeing so many mistakes by those guys.
Spar varnish!
Gees, you’d think Pete Carroll had put an already-showered and dressed in street clothes Caitlin Clark back in the game to try and get one more assist to have a triple-double.
Soccer is behind cricket but above emu jousting in popularity in Australia.
Honk if you remember Bruno Sammartino.
Florio might be hated as much as Volin among the local media.
You know who Mike Gesicki loves? Mike Gesicki.
Researchers have recently coined a term to define Bob Kraft’s particular speech impediment. They call it “Orchids Aphasia”.
I’ll drive a million miles To be with you tonight So if you’re feeling low Turn up your radio
The words we use are strong They make reality But now the music’s on Oh baby, dance with me, yeah
Rip it up, move down Rip it up, move it down to the ground Rip it up, cool down Rip it up, don’t hang me on the borderline
Everybody have fun tonight Everybody have fun tonight Everybody Wang Chung tonight.
I thought Fred Durst was dead; turns out I mixed him up with that fellow from Smash Mouth (RIP).
Jeff Kent? I guess.
The Ravens aren’t afraid to host YOU for Sunday Night Football!
Lay off Jake Elliott. He has rosacea.
What’s everyone’s encryption pin? Let us know in the comments.
Army. UConn. Wasabi Fenway Bowl. December!
Whenever I see this Notre Dame AD with the last name Bevacqua all I can think of is Tommy Lasorda’s rant on Kurt effing Bevacqua and I can’t stop laughing.
Maybe Texas Tech is good and that’s why they’re winning.
Jayson Tatum Ewing Theory Szn?
Best bet for the weekend: supremely overconfident Bills fans.
Spend over the threshold? And not have money for iced cream?
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Old Friends Lebron and BBtL, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Remember where we parked.
And happy birthday to actress-musician Summer Phoenix.
Wake up to a bunch of tweets from NBA reporters wondering what happened between the Clippers and Chris Paul. How about do your job and figure it out?
Nothing says rivalry weekend quite like UCF at BYU.
Jason Kelce’s eyebrows look like 2 Australian shepherds about to square off.
Basic math is now ‘analytics’.
The thing about Lane Kiffin is that he hates making things about himself. I can only imagine how hard this must be for him.
The Lions game not starting at 12:30 threw me off. A Thanksgiving staple.
I wonder if the Bruins players’ wives also made them get up early on Black Friday and drive them to Target.
Ryan Day bears an uncanny resemblance to Ming the Merciless.
What are there more of, “Kirk Minihane Show” ex-producers or videos of Turtleboi Aidan crying?
Cakes are cooking for Mickey Thomas, Rick Mears, David Hixon, Don Barnes, Franz Klammer, Melody Anderson, Kathy Jordan, Daryl Hannah, Julianne Moore, Mike Ramsey, Joe Lally, Andrew Stanton, Katarina Witt, Brendan Fraser, Montell Jordan, Harold Steinbrenner, Amy Helm, Laura Schuler, Lindsey Hunter, Paul Byrd, Vernon White, Bucky Lasek, Holly Marie Combs, Rainbow Sun Francks, Sean Parker, Tiffany Haddish, Anna Chlumsky, Jenna Dewan, Brian Bonsall, Michael Essian, Amanda Seyfried, Michael Angarano, Jake T. Austin, and Lil Baby.
If MLB has rules that apply to only one player, how soon until the NFL grants Mahomes possession of the ball no matter what at the end of games?
Rhody has a LB named Rohan Davy. No relation.
I liked New Mexico’s turquoise uniforms. The computers should’ve had that as a deciding factor.
Dallas plays football like chipmunks who found a bag of coke.
Hey gang of fake cancer survivors! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Making a big deal over quitting your social drinking is wild.”
The ‘There Are Too Many Streaming Services!’ Guy is my least favorite archetype.
Lem Barney has been upgraded from ‘dead’ to ‘alive’.
Not to go all Brad Rifkin on you, but elk and lingonberries are an incredible pairing.
Anthony Edwards looks like he can’t read.
Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a disabled train at Park Street. Trains may stand by at stations.
Thanksgiving games don’t need halftime shows. Sorry.
Wonder if Max Brosmer woke up today wondering when they play Holy Cross?
Korpisalo makes some good saves, but you always know when he’s playing because Bs are down 2 five minutes into the game.
Ian Eagle does a great job at play-by-play. A great mix of seriousness and excitement.
This is how we do it, all hands are in the air And wave them from here to there If you’re an OG mack or a wanna-be player You see the hood’s been good to me Ever since I was a lower case G But now I’m a big G The girls see I got the money Hundred dollar bills, y’all.
Hollywood Brown sounds like the name of a hustler from a James Ellroy novel.
Post Malone is the pinnacle of the redneck-wigger aesthetic. A uniquely American archetype.
I’ve slept 29 hours and 43 minutes the last 3 nights.
Lamar must be wondering what he did wrong to have Josina dump him for Shedeur.
Honk if you remember to steer into the skid. And to warn people that you’re skidding, I guess.
Espn had Herbstreit, ‘Booger’, and then Joey Galloway out there saying you’re just being soft if you think Kiffin shouldn’t coach two teams. So fucking stupid.
Wearing my Barstool hoodie so that everyone knows I’m a cool guy who loves sports and chicks and gambling.
Too many evictions scheduled, man.
USF’s Alex Golesh to Auburn? This is a great hire. AG is a BIG culture guy. Excited to see what he can do there. I’ve never heard of him.
Never discount the power of sincerely offered glad tidings.
Who is forcing BYU? Win and in. Lose and not.
Jaylen Brown one of the quickest hair recessions in history. Had that sweet flat top like 5 years ago to this patchy, sloppy mess today.
Boston’s Snowport Holiday Market: Tourist trap, or bad rap?
Just an inscrutable play by Younghoe Koo.
Derek Thompson is the most fake smart writer I’ve ever seen.
Brian Walshe looks like Jay Sherman from ‘The Critic’.
So many catalogs arriving based on the questionable assumption I want to give the gift of cheese.
Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta returns to practice.
The Game. Zero winners.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.I’m travelin’ down the road and I’m flirtin’ with disaster I got the pedal to the floor and my life is runnin’ faster.
And happy birthday to Boston’s Own Alicia Sacramone, multiple time Gymnastics World Champion.
Don’t worry Minifans, Kirk will still be on all that Barstool shit you don’t care about!
Wonder if Bruins fans envision 63 one day hanging in the rafters. The number, not the player.
First Take is The View for unemployed men.
I see the 12-year-olds with meme accounts still have no idea how the NFL scheduling formula works
Cambridge is really an interesting city. It’s designed to look just like Boston and it wants so hard to be Boston, but it has none of the charm or way of life that make Boston what it is.
Ryan Clark has gotten so good at apologies they got him apologizing on behalf of Stephen A now.
I’ve grown entirely too fond of using balsamic glaze on just about everything.
I’ll never not root for Jacoby Brissett.
Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Jim Mora. UConn’s a baseball school anyway.
Cakes are cooking for Rich Little, Jan Stenerud, Ethan Russell, John McVie, Art Shell, Richie Hebner, Ilona Staller, Harry Carson, Bob Walk, Dale Jarrett, Harold Reynolds, Chuck Finley, Adam Gaynor, Mario Elie, Jeff Jaeger, Garcelle Beauvais, Sue Wicks, John Stirratt, Steve Lofton, John Amaechi, Shawn Kemp, Winky Wright, DJ Khaled, Jamie Fiske, Natasha Bedingfield, Rita Ora, and Louis Ducruet.
Was today years old learning Reggie Lewis has the exact same birthday as Björk.
Just got a complaint from another worker that the demo im doing is too loud. You’ve got two options buddy. Put some fucking ear plugs in or find a new line of work.
I was an earlier sabermetrics adopter but yes this has gotten out of hand.
Worcester Line Train 519 (7:30 am from South Station) will make additional stops at Wellesley Farms through West Natick to accommodate passengers from terminated Train 1517 (7:10 am from South Station).
Head Dummy—is that better or worse than Viceroy?
Congratulations Medford! You get to wallow in filth and vermin while your eco-idiot mayor counts the green scam money. The real trash problem is at city hall.
Get well soon Will Campbell. And Jared Wilson. And Khryiris Tonga. And Neemias Queta.
Stephen A. Smith thinks everything in sports revolves around him. Cam not even on enough for everyone to know he’s on lol. There are people who still ask what happened to Max Kellerman and that was like 3 years ago.
I really enjoyed the hell out of @RealGDT’s FRANKENSTEIN on Netflix. Terrific filmmaker.
How can I worry about not having an SP2 when I still haven’t seen a WR1?
Mass Maritime football is basically 13th grade.
Marcus Jones read that terrible throw like a millennial ripping through Harry Potter.
I think I said this before but Josh Allen could really use a Stefon Diggs.
Josh is an unreliable narrator, like Holden Caulfield, or Dan Lifshatz.
Threw some chords together The combination D-E-F Is who I am, is what I do And I was gonna lay it down for you
I try to focus my attention But I feel so A.D.D. I need some help, some inspiration But it’s not coming easily
Trying to find the magic Trying to write a classic Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know?
There’s an NCAA Mens basketball player named Jordan Marsh? Does he happen to have a recipe for blueberry muffins?
FYI: There was an entertainment world before 1970.
Nowhere for UMass Football to go but up. Or stay winless next year too, I guess.
I think I wouldn’t mind being hairless.
Sending my boss the lyrics to “Knuck If You Buck” was not on my bingo card for a Monday.
Geekie is studly. See what I did there?
Honk if you remember Bobby Orr’s last game as a Bruin.
Did Jahlani Tavai know ahead of time that Kirk was quitting the podcast?
Chris Gasper thinks you lose socks in the washing machine.
I laughed out loud when Gordon Wood popped up on Kenny Burns’ documentary.
Kirk stayed long enough with saddling Portnoy with a one-year Mut contract. Kinda respect it.
Wriggle is an underrated word.
Gonna pay an Indian guy to start an army of pro-Belichick accounts.
Maybe Orlovsky can be the new UConn coach. Mina can be the OC with her big football brain.
Best bet for the weekend: slow moving traffic.
Remember the reason for the season.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Over the river and through the woods.
Bianca says it’s okay to wear your stretchy pants tomorrow.
Man. Quoting Cam Newton in Ebonics is a rough look.
I’m no computer nerd, but the best way to avoid B*arstool tweets probably isn’t throwing a banana cream pie at their clown car.
Mazzulla is always visibly fuming when Drew Carter does the pre-game interview.
Kirk is taking Mut not knowing what a sitcom is really hard.
I wonder if Dianna Russini has thoughts about the Olivia Nuzzi revelations.
Being able to move on from your playing days is a skill.
I was just thinking, is Barstool ready for what they’ve started? No one messes with Hardy and Sarge’s crew and gets away it.
Coed adult cheerleading team?
Red Sox now have a new catcher, but only one bullpen lefty. Concerning.
Cakes are cooking for Ted Turner, Eddie Raynor, Calvin Klein, Dennis Hull, Bob Boone, Ahmad Rashad, Robert Beltran, Kathleen Quinlan, Ann Curry, Charlie Kaufman, Michael Wilbon, Alison Janney, Grant Ledyard, Meg Ryan, Jodie Foster, Terry Farrell, Paul Weitz, Gail Devers, Rocco DiSpirito, Gary Disarcina, Justin Chancellor, Jeremy McGrath, Savion Glover, Jack Dorsey, Kerri Strug, Ryan Howard, Adam Driver, and Patrick Kane.
Little known fact: The viceroy and roy aren’t constitutionally allowed to fly on the same airplane.
I had a Pop-Tart and feel disgusting.
Never in NFL history has a backup QB come into a game and used it as the launchpad for a successful career.
Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Editorial discretion.”
Meanwhile, the phrase that never pays to say is and remains, “May I meet you?”
The NFL is better when the Jaguars are good.
Stan Musial: 1815 home hits. I815 road hits. As the Ol’ Perfessor would say, “You can look it up.”
One might say Kenni’s about to grow into an allergy… of getting owned.
Aaron Glenn looks like the leader of a slave rebellion.
Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.
Surely this Kendra humiliation will cut through all the squids telling her how great she is.
“Blue-collar chip on shoulder guy” is a top 5 annoying personality type.
Robert appearing to be half a head taller than Gronk thanks to his booster seat is ridiculous.
Kirk Herbstreit’s job at this point is just humoring doddering old men while they prattle on about bullshit from 30 years ago. “Oh, really, Hartford? Wow, crazy.”
If Gresh blocked at URI like he does on Twitter he would’ve been drafted.
Does Pete Carroll have a legacy and is it in flames?
John Cena vs. Dominik Mysterio at Survivor Series would absolutely slap.
YOU were in a rock fight with the Jets, caller!
Normally you had to pay admission to one of Portnoy’s old Barstool foam parties to get that level of abused.
Have any of the radio stations gone to all-Thanksgiving music yet?
Honk if you remember Briff.
Rewatching the Patriots game and it brought up a random thought. I really miss the bond you get from being on a team. I miss that team camaraderie. Nothing like it. Anyone else miss it? Let us know in the comments.
Now if I appear to be carefree, it’s only to camouflage my sadness In order to shield my pride, I’ve tried to cover this hurt with a show of gladness But don’t let my show convince you That I’ve been happy since you decided to go (why did you go?) Oh, I need you so (I need you so) I’m hurt and I want you to know (want you to know) But for others I put on a show (it’s just a show)
Ooh ah, there’s some sad things known to man But there ain’t too much sadder than the tears of a clown When there’s no one around, oh yeah
Mais non, cher, from what I see, Gresh lost over 100 pounds back in 2019 wit’ a program, not Ozempic. No sign he usin’ dat stuff. Callin’ him a slob? Dat’s subjective, me, but he a sharp sports guy. Laissez les bons temps rouler!
You had me at “ok face.”
Imagine thinking having 5 active jobs on the ol’ LinkedIn looks good.
When did YAC yards become RAC yards?
You know a guy is dirty when Mark Schelreth says, “this guy isn’t dirty.”
BYU and UNC will have an epic Holiday Bowl in 2027.
Next thing you know we’re going to find out she doesn’t really work 65 hours a week.
Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Johnny Beecher.
Best bet for the weekend: Bill the GM’s former players playing well on other NFL squads.
THE GARDEN was built for the brawlers, the bombers, THE ABSOLUTE SHOT-CALLERS! Beantown demands the PROS, baby, not some doe-eyed amateurs still figuring out which end of the rink is up! We shelled out our hard-earned cash to watch the GODS: Russell blockin’ shots into the Charles, Orr flyin’ end-to-end like a jet, Bird drainin’ ‘em with the silky smooth, Espo snipin’ top shelf where Mama hides the cookies! These are the GIANTS who strode among us mere mortals! So take that college kiddie carnival back down to Storrs, Geno!
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column.Wash before wearing.
And happy birthday to Ukrainian-Canadian supermodel Daria Werbowy.
As DRAKE-A-MAYENIA sweeps the six state region, we’d just like to remind you where you first were introduced to that fantastic (and potentially lucrative) phrase… it was HERE, in Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’24!
and also here, in Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’24!
Double TRADEMARK!
As part of our pending intellectual property infringement lawsuit(s), our special council has advised us to put all of our ideas out there (that’s legal jargon). So without further ado we bring you our latest potential merchandise ideas (TRADEMARK!):
Remember, never settle for cheap imitations when you can choose the high quality original! Only available (potentially) at the15net.com official store!
Sunday Desayuno Time Commanders at Dolphins (-2.5) ¡Los delfines ganan!
Sunday Lunch Time Panthers at Falcons (-3.5) Black cats can’t catch a break, or find a win
Times are tough
Buccaneers at Bills (-6) Bills bully Baker
Chargers (-3) at Jaguars Spotted cats get zapped by Plugs
From the golden age of advertising
Bears at Vikings (-2.5) Norsemen sneak by sleepy Bears
Packers (-7) at Giants There will be no metamorphosis under Kafka’s leadership.
High brow humor!
Bengals at Steelers (-5.5) Yinzers flatten Flacco
Texans (-6) at Titans Tex squeezes Tits
Sunday Dinner Time 49ers (-3) at Cardinals Purrrrdy swallows pretty red birds
He’s gaining on you red
Seahawks at Rams (-3) Horny sheep trample fake sea birds
Ravens (-7.5) at Browns Scary black birds flush the Browns
If it’s brown, flush it down
Chiefs (-3.5) at Broncos Chiefs bust Broncos
Sunday Prowl Time Lions at Eagles (-2.5) Jungle kings claw out a win in Philly
He likes his cheese steak extra cheesy
Monday Prowl Time Cowboys (-3.5) at Raiders Ranch hands rustle Raiders
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
