Category Archives: The Sports Junk Drawer

07/21/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Well that’s not right.

Bucks winning the Finals will be a nice story to tide Wisconsinites over until Rodgers holdout becomes official.

Red Sox were clearly broken up about Biz during the Yankees series.

Marisa Ingemi; no longer a free agent. Congratulations.

Wait, a team from somewhere other than Los Angeles or Tampa is gets to win a championship?

All these Caribbean soccer teams have sweet nicknames.

Is Misty May-Trainor 200 lbs yet?

News Item: Malika Andrews is the youngest sports broadcaster to host the NBA Finals Trophy ceremony.

Cakes are cooking for Eric Bazilian, Jon Lovitz, Ali Landry, Tamika Catchings, and Juno Temple.

Tom forgot to wear his MAGA hat to the White House ceremony.

Kyed leaving NESN? Who’s gonna type up the “Skip Bayless said this about the Patriots” clickbait tweets now?

Morikawa’s an assassin. Perhaps even a ninja.

Ray Lewis’s hyperbolic ‘watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game’ speech about the 2011 NFL lockout? That, but only about free agent Richard Sherman.

Maybe in 18 years Giannis can costar in a Warner Brothers Looney Tunes movie, ‘Space Tzatziki.’

Didn’t like that one? Well Mypos Fitzy thought it was great!

Congratulations to @pff_kyed and the fake spike king on their new role.

Never eat at a place with the word ‘shanty’ in it.

Peak Gammo makes Rap look like a water carrying piker.

Free agent pass-rusher Alex Okafor is signing back with the #Chiefs, source said. He gets a 1-year deal and will return to KC, his home for the last two seasons.

Thornton and his kid should go surfing at Nauset dressed as seals.

Pleased to see the crowds back at the New Hampshire Motor Speedway.

From the Eye Column: “Our spies tell us Boozy QB/QT Mac Jones noshed at Davio’s with PR czar George Regan and Pats poobah Robert Kraft before choppering to Tanglewood to take in the Pops. All the better to not be behind the wheel. File that under: musby nice.”

Wife wanted to see flowers. They’re the same flowers that grow at home, but in a different place.

“People who flatter me are classy” – Jen

Watch This Space for this Week’s Phrase that Pays!

Pogacar is a cyclist? Not gonna lie, that’s confusing.

If you get to the Christmas Tree Shops before Memorial Day, there’s great deals on beach chairs and adirondacks that won’t even last a full season.

Remember the old maxim: Grey Goose is just a sip away from “Gay Gooks.”

I don’t think the Blue Origin rocket looked like that. I think it looked like a neck massager.

As the late gorilla monsoon once famously said..stick a fork in Conor McGregor after last Saturday night

One combination still impresses;
Women, wind and summer dresses.
Meet me underneath that hollow tree,
I hope you don’t mind if thunder follows me.

Honk if you remember Toe Nash.

Warner Brothers really missed an opportunity to make Lola Bunny trans.

Malika is a reporter, not the youngest RAF pilot during the Blitz. Sheesh.

Will Kyed be tabulating sti+ as part of his job for PFF?

The Peabette would make the15’s All Scholastic Squad, if we had one. Now take that 3.9 GPA and explain to your dad vaccines do prevent disease.

Welcome to Boston, Mari Salazar!

Pro tip: don’t get your Covid vaccine from a Portagee restaurant in Fall River.

Green Line D Branch Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

A Stoolster Big Papi podcast? Rolleyes. Do people even fucking still like Ortiz?

Chris Paul just wins everywhere he goes except for Phoenix and Oklahoma City and Houston and LA and New Orleans and Wake Forest

Best bet for the weekend: the Olympic Spirit.

Strangely poignant

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Congratulations to Old Friend Heidi Watney for making broadcast history or something.
Type ‘Congratulations’ more

07/14/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Your 2021 Boston Red Sox MLB All-Stars

Just buy the chrome bat. We’re not going to ask nicely again.

Does Team USA think it can just roll its neoprene out onto the court and win?

Eyeties top Blighty.

Having a rookie QB contract will be big for the next 4 years.

Addison Rae. Owning.

A Spaniard, a Swiss, and a Serbian walk onto a tennis court. And each leaves with 20 Grand Slam wins.

I bet Stephen A. Smith has an opinion on Korean boy bands.

Flying only up to the Armstrong Line is the hanging an AFC Finalist Banner of spaceflight. Sorrey!

If I was 18 in 2021. I would be a social media star and skip college. And it would be the easiest decision I ever made.

Cakes are cooking for Jackie Earl Haley, Patrick ‘Patches’ Kennedy, Missy Gold, Tim Hudson, and Conor McGregor.

It’s funny because the Red Sox draft pick superficially resembles an actor from an HBO series that ended ten years ago.

Anybody here have fuboTV?

I bet a whole lot of those discarded gas grills you see out on the curb only need minor repairs.

Why should anyone want to put the damaged Stanley Cup on the LIRR? I don’t get it.

Have more rainy days so far this month. You can’t!

You can throw out the records when longtime CONCACAF rivals Qatar and Panama clash.

News Item: Brooklyn Nets forward Kevin Durant has said the United States basketball team has Kobe Bryant’s DNA embedded in it.   What, like a Colorado hotel room?

Messi not scoring in the 88th is why he’ll never win an international trophy.

What’s more believable: Callahan saying he just “left my TV on @ABC for @NBA Finals postgame show” or people just leaving EEI on in the car after the Sox game?

So now what, a Fiat Parade?

I’m whacky
Wife stumbled off to bed
Wonderwall

Almy’s? Gone. Benny’s? Same. But Renys abides.

Who decided there needed to be a Space Jam sequel, only with a guy two orders of magnitude less charismatic than Jordan, and with the same cartoon characters everyone in the smart set thinks are problematic in 2021?

I don’t often get angry about a lot of things.

Do they call penalty kicks ‘pens’? Is that actually a thing? Ew.

Anytime you have the opportunity to wear your finest 3/4 length camo cargo shorts while proposing to the mother of your children, you have to do it.

What did ex-cop Red Sox traveling secretary Jack McCormack say to Manny that provoked him that one time?

A Yeti is nice, but it’s not twenty snow shovels.

Hey! Stop under-crediting Troy Brown’s insane versatility with the Pats!

Americans aren’t perfect, and one problem we absolutely have is assuming everyone everywhere should know the language we speak—when so few of us are even bilingual compared to those in other countries. (It’s a big reason why a lot of Europeans resent U.S. tourists.)

Honk if you remember Vic Tayback.

One week remains for teams and franchise tagged players to negotiate multi-year deals. The 7 tagged players left: Chris Godwin, Marcus Maye, Taylor Moton, Allen Robinson, Cam Robinson, Brandon Scherff, Marcus Williams.

jfc indian red boy died?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “it’s not 1992 anymore.”

I will never understand rooting for a country you never lived in. Your great grandparents fucked there? Great.

It Is Balloon!

Na na na na na na na na na na na na yeah! Si tu m’entends Et qu’tu souris C’est que tu as compris cette mélodie, yeah!

Them Brit soccer yobbo fans need diversity training.

Here’s your hat, here’s your coat Suns in 4 Guy. Aloha means goodbye. Aloha.

Kiko Alonso > Pete Alonso

Narrator: the SI belt was not holding her pelvis in place.

Is Smehhh the new Blehhhh?

If Cassius Marsh wants publicity, he should announce a run for a Senate seat.

American League wins the ASG; PTT & reserve the duckboats.

It would be a shame if actor Michael Shannon got typecast as a tightly-wound authority figure with violent tendencies.

Orange Line Update: Trains are returning to regularly scheduled service.

Best bet for the Weekend: short porch cheapies in the Bronx.

Pocket JAG! Little Leader! Muddy Chicken!!

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15, were used in this column. Gluten free. 

Easterling, not Easterby.

07/08/2021 Cleaning Out The Sports Junk Drawer

#FakeDrought

Will the Tampa Lightning Stanley Cup Championship Cap have a loophole?

Biz dies, Sox still alive.

‘Why can’t the networks find something to do with someone as so obviously talented as Katie Nolan?’ Has anyone trademarked a show called “failing upwards” yet? If not, she should.

Chaim is just lucky this Red Sox squad he assembled keeps winning and winning. (West coast scores not available at press time.)

“The Stanley Cup is in the building!” Of course it is. Does it have somewhere else to be?

The Patriots have signed rookie QB Mac Jones to his four-year contract with a fifth-year team option, per source.

IG tip: Put the 6 next to the 3.

N’Keal? Probably a Moor. As a non-sovereign the draft does not apply to him. Nor does the expectation that he run routes correctly and catch passes thrown at his feet.

It’s the simple times you’ll remember, like chugging Barefoot and crushing heaters playing video games.

Cakes are cooking for Jeff Stork, Toby Keith, Glen Featherstone, Marlies Askamp, and Beck.

Okay, I’ll say it. Trade Gilmore, and give JC Jackson that money.

Absolutely clutch bit of information for anyone who is going to do an egg freezing cycle: after you do your nightly injections, put a cold soda can on it. Takes the stinging down so much.

Guess he’s no Angel.

Sunlight may be the best disinfectant, but it is also a terrible algaecide.

What is the Latvian equivalent of getting accidentally killed in a 4th of July fireworks accident? Being devoured by wolves on Jāņi?

Hey gang of sovereign citizens, this week’s Phrase that Pays is ‘The Rise of the Moops.’

Joe Chestnut, the spirit of 76. A Great American.

Can Rach Nichols still get passed around by the players like the town bike?

Free Slappy!

Tampa beating Montreal makes Boston’s cup win fluky. Makes sense.

He’s giving me the high hat!

Washington Football Team something oral report something something ‘Dianna Russini’.

Why would you have the radio on during a Vineyard movie marathon for the boys?

I hope Milwaukee understands how important it is not to get swept.

Fireworks and cheap repairs, burn me out and breaks me down. Leaves me lost, I’ve gotta swear off, fireworks and cheap repairs.

Honk if you remember Barney Miller.

Ohtani is the real deal.

That myopic line judge has a lot to answer for regarding the public perception of N’Keal Harry.

“Congrats to NBC on 15 years of bartenders needing 5 minutes to figure out which channel the hockey game you want to see is on.” – @BobbyBigWheel, via Awful Announcing

You did it, Carl!

Does the camera linger too long on Wendy Pfeffercorn’s ass in The Sandlot? #CancelSquints

Joey JoJo’s crew has a name, Mego.

Green Line Reminder: Shuttle buses replace D Branch service between Reservoir and Riverside, Tue – Thurs, beginning at 8:45 PM through the end of service.

Can someone please reach out to Mike Barnicle regarding Biz Marquee?

Hey now Matt Barnes, Xander Bogaerts, Rafael Devers, Nathan Eovaldi, J.D. Martinez, you’re an All Star.

Up next on ESPN3, “Failing Upwards with Katie Nolan.”

Best bet for the weekend: tasty waves.

Top that, Christopher Nolan. You can’t!

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15, were used in this column. Please reuse and recycle these materials.

WEEI’s Courtney Cox.

06/30/2021 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Go grandpa – grandma!

You can’t spell GONE without a Big O. AlOha, Glenn.

Kids today taking selfies at Fenway instead of scoring the game using your own proprietary system of notations. Sad!

<sighs> Just to get it out of the way – yes, yes, Nia Long *is* everything.

From mystique and aura to missing Tack and horror, for the Yankees Gerrit Cole. You hate to see it.

Is today ‘Post like Gammo or Uppy Day’? Sheesh.

Is that Minifan logo a guy staring into the headlight of an oncoming train?

Montana has weatherbunnies and wide open highways without another car for miles and miles. Just sayin’.

Cor blimey, that one Euro 2020 footie match was a boffin’s spanner!

Hiring former Spurs assistant coaches not named Becky? Troubling.

Cakes are cooking for Randy Ladouceur, Karolyn Kirby, Yngwie J. Malmsteen, Monica Potter, and Chan Ho Park.

They’ve already played four games of the NBA Finals? When? Wait: not the Finals. Whew!

Oooh, semi-cryptic!

May have just eaten the whole box of ice cream sandwiches.

Those annoying subscription card thingies aren’t in Boston Magazine as much as Jen Royle is.

He’s a walkin’ contradiction
Partly truth and partly fiction
Takin’ every wrong direction
On his lonely way back home.

Have a wedding July 17 and a golf tournament July 31. Otherwise I should be wide open.

That’s enough of your yimmer-yammer and shilly-shally.

Boston does have sufficient dedicated bike lanes if Coach Udoka wants to make Jayson and Jaylen ride to practice every day on a bicycle built for two.

Is Greek the Freak now Gimp the Limp?

What am I supposed to do with those three free articles in the Concord Monitor now?

Blehhhh! Missing pigeons! Blehhhhhh!!

Anthony Ramos says he is not disappointed by the box office turnout for #InTheHeights.

Yes Fenway fans, that win was, ‘sweet’, just like said in your chant!

Sportsblogging at a TV station is like dancing about architecture.

College World Series? Is that another thing Almost-a-Coach Bedard is an expert about?

Hey Dudes, this weeks Phrase that Pays is; “Now you see what happens when you find a Stranger in the Alps!’

Bon travail bon effort femme avec un signe.

This Gatorade is warm! Take their picks. All of them.

This was a bad week to have an irrational aversion to wearing shorts masquerading as a point of pride.

That Yankees equipment truck is like a metaphor, or something.

Does that Supreme Court NCAA ruling mean UMass gets its Final Four appearance reinstated?

A heat advisory has been declared for the Entitled Town Metropolitan Statistical Area. Be prepared for rolling interruptions in the podcasting schedule. Cry, but hydrate.

Honk if you remember Tidy Cat.

Green Line B Branch Update: Train service is resuming between Kenmore and Washington St, shuttle buses are being phased out.

Clambag!

Just for the All-Star game, pitchers should be able to bring a bucket of whatever they want to cheat with.

Will Amaka Ubaka interview Ime Udoka?

Reminder: TEVA sandals are to be written in all caps. Like WARRIOR Ice Arena.

A fireworks shortage? Not among #The15.

Well whatsherface is certainly the most famous third place finishing hammer thrower ever.

Some days Twitter is just one big 24 hour open meeting of Oversharers Nononymous. Or Pseudonymous.

Best bet for the weekend: Songs that build up America.

Yankees truck! Yankees truck!

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Ash + Kat, the Hess twins. I’m not sure what it is exactly they do, but they look good doing it.

06/17/2021 Cleaning Out The Sports Junk Drawer

It’s a great few days ahead. Take off your masks and get outside.

The state of emergency is over. The Baker out front should have told ya.

Cry more, Gerrit Cole.

Channel 5 can’t keep you so busy you couldn’t do a 5 minute Google search and find out Tatum does watch a lot of video, Gasper. Just like Spida!

So would a healthy goalie have prevented the defense from turning over the puck 10 feet from the net repeatedly? Because if not I’m not sure what difference benching Rask would have made.

Plagiarism? Unseemly. Linky-link.

Which hesi pull-up move do you guys rock with the most?

Nate Diaz is a warrior.

Cheese and crackers is such a simple but good snack.

Gosh, it is a shame Philly fans are upset today.

Has Kirk made the Call Her Daddy payday about himself yet?

I believe swallowed by a whale Guy.

Cakes are cooking for Mike Milbury, Isabelle Delobel, Venus Williams, Kendrick Lamar, and Andrew Ogilvy.

I meant no ill will towards Nikki, but I’m used to the people associating with her twisting my words to fit a narrative about the media.

I had too much to dream last night.

Glad to hear that Jerry Remy is back at home scratching comfortably. Resting! Resting comfortably! Ha ha, What did I say?

McGreevy’s, Lir, The Pour House, Bukowski Tavern, Whiskey’s. With all those Boylston Street bars permanantly shuttered thanks to the pandemic; it’s like a bomb went off.

‘Yacksel Ríos’ sounds like Bronson Pinchot’s Serge character from Beverly Hills Cop saying the name of the GnR frontman.

You can tell I’m “In Sports” because I constantly post revealing thirst trap pictures then get mad when you notice.

We have 15 sports editors.

Yes, but what if you are an asshole who has bad shorts? Hmm?

Imagine y’all sign a woman HC and win the chip next season. That would be epic

If your pronoun is He, shouldn’t you be playing in the MNBA?

Mudcat Grant? Sounds made up. RIP, if real.

So sensi.

News Item: Celtic great Bob Cousy to get statue in Worcester.

Also; bronze statues of Julius “Dr. J” Erving, Marcus Camby, Jack Leaman, and John Calipari to be unveiled at UMass this September.

No statues planned of Dan Shaughnessy by his alma mater, employer, or either any of his families.

It’s an ice cream place; the menu hasn’t changed.

I heard after placating mopey Cam the Patriots coaches were also discussing what a sexual tyrannasaurus Greg Bedard is.

Honk if you remember the “Quickie Board”.

Prediction: Mama Wilfork is gonna whip that boys ass.

Ok so for some reason I’m watching the bachelorette and being around this many men at one time seems terrifying/terrible

Hey true believers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “We HAVE to be allowed to keep cheating, or batters are going to get hurt!”

Chiefs coach Andy Reid on the comments made by his former RB Le’Veon Bell: “I enjoyed my time with him. I’m pulling for him. That’s how I roll.”

Do the Red Sox have a Big 3 (Martinez, Bogaerts and Devers) or a Big 4 (Martinez, Bogaerts, Devers and Verdugo)?

Sign more Holy Joe God Squadders, Easterby.

If you are fully vaccinated, RT this column for a chance at a free one year subscription to the 15 dot net!

PINK STRIPES LOL I pay attention to stuff.

Wanna tell her that I’m sorry
For the pain that I’ve caused
I’ve been listenin’ to your reasonin’
It makes no sense at all
Need to tell her that I’m sorry
For the pain that I’ve caused
You may think that you’re a player
But you’re completely lost
That’s why I sing

How many Father’s Day telephone calls does Tom E. Curren have to make this Sunday?

Blue Line update: no Blue Line information is available at this time.

Who do you like in the EUFA Championships? Let us know in the comments!

I didn’t think boys had labrums.

Welcome to the15net dot com, Anita! link

I don’t know why Gary Tanguay isn’t allowed at Patriots training camp, but I wholeheartedly approve of the decision.

Stan Van Gundy, fired.  Again.

Best bet for the weekend: smart asses complaining that Juneteenth fell on a Saturday this year.

This Guy. Amirite?

material from interviews, wire services, Facebook, Discord, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15, were used in this column. We reserve the right to limit quantities.

The only Fitzy we approve of.

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