Coach Mayo’s Patriots Media Happy Hour Concert!
Robert and Jonathan Kraft are fully committed to easing the tensions and atoning for the inhuman working conditions at Gillette Stadium under the Previous Regime That Shall Not Be Named.
The Kraft Family pulled out all the stops for Coach Mayo’s Patriots Media Happy Hour this week, bringing in one of the great singer/songwriters of all time to entertain their esteemed media guests: The Piano Man, Billy Joel.
It’s nine o’clock at Media Day
The regular slobs shuffle in
Krafty Bob’s seated next to me
Makin’ love to his tonic and gin
He says, “Son, can you play me a memory?
I’m not really sure how it goes
But it’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete
When I was paying Bledsoe through the nose.”
Oh, la, la-la, di-di-da
La-la di-di-da, da-dum
Sing us a song, Mr. Charlatan
Sing us a song tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for some tummy rubs
And you’ve got us feelin’ all right
Now, Tom E. at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there’s someplace that he’d rather be
He said, “Phil, I believe this is killing me,”
As the smile ran away from his face
“Well, I’m sure I could nab Ian Rapoport’s job
If I could get out of this place.”
Oh, la, la-la, di-di-da
La-la di-di-da, da-dum
Simple Ben is an idiot columnist
With a mail-order bride for a wife
And he’s talking with Dumb Andy
Who’s still on the JV
And probably will be for life
And Coach Mayo is practicing politics
While the mediots slowly get stoned
Yes, they’re sharing a drink called incompetence
But it’s better than drinking alone
Suck up to us, Mr. Charlatan
Suck up to us tonight
Well, we don’t really care if you win a game
As long as you serve us Bud Light
It’s a pretty good crowd for media day
And Stacey James gives me a smile
‘Cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see
To forget about Bill for a while
Ben McAdoo thinks it’s a carnival
And Van Pelt, he drinks all the beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, “Man, thank god that you’re here.”
Oh, la, la-la di-di-da
La-la, di-di-da, da-dum…
Sing us a song, Mr. Charlatan
Sing us a song tonight
Well we’re all in the mood for tummy rubs
And you’ve got us feelin’ all right.
The 15 