It’s all building up to something. Eight very hateable media members soon will be reduced to four. By your votes. Polls will close at 9 PM EDT.
Update: Polls will close temporarily at 12:30 PM EDT to deal with voting irregularity issues. Thank you in advance.
2nd Update: Done.
You read the preview, now cast your vote! Polls to remain open until 8:00 PM EDT.
Welcome to Round 3 of March Sadness 2026, when the true pieces of shit separate themselves from the turds.
If you were expecting a “Sour Sixteen” preview, then we have one word for you… SORRRRRREY! It’s now the “Sorry Sixteen” © ℠ ® ™ Patent Pending. And a very sorry preview it is…
Region C
1 Greg Bedard vs 5 Dan Shaughnessy
It took overtime for Shank to sneak into the Sour Sorry Sixteen by the skin of his McTeeth. Look for Bedard to kick his balls up around his head.
2 Fred Toucher vs 3 Adam Jones
Fred Toucher spent a lot of time last week defending himself against accusation of racism. You know who doesn’t spend a lot of time defending themselves against accusations of racism? Non-racists. He doth protest too much advances.
Region V
1 Jim Murray vs 12 Chris Curtis
Advancing to the Sour Sixteen may be the second most shocking thing Curtis has ever done, but Large Gymnasium wins the battle of the bald middle aged dimwitted overconfident flash boys.
2 Marc Bertrand vs 3 Andy Hart
The Far Side kid burns lil’ Andy with his magnifying glass
Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 4 Kevin F Paul Dupont
The woman in sports snips KPD’s sports manhood
2 James Stewart vs 3 Michael Felger
Jimmy Stewart gives Felger the Lavanchy treatment.
Region T
1 Ted Johnson vs 5 Scott Zolak
We will finally get an answer to a question that has been confounding medical experts for decades: Which causes more long term cognitive issues, head trauma or substance abuse? We’ve got good news, you can keep doing drugs kids, CTEd snowplows Zo.
2 Chris Gasper vs 3 Albert Breer
Breer sends Kid Gas to the golden showers.
Vote early and often!
Well, we were close to putting this Round in the books, but the vote came out even, so we will have a tiebreaker. Polls will close at 4:30 PM EDT.
With the right-hand side of our bracket set, we now move to the left, Regions C and N! Fun! Polls will stay open until 10 PM EDT today. Vote your heart.
Today we will look to the right-hand side of the bracket, with Region V and Region T. It’s a shame half of them have to lose. Polls will close at 9 PM EDT.
Round 1 had everything you could hope for in a media tournament… everyone had a reason to be upset about something. There were a few mild upsets, some close fought one-vote victories, our first ever shutout win, plus a voting scandal! A veritable charcuterie board of results. #yummy
What does Round 2 have in store? Let’s consult the Oracles and find out…
Region C
1 Greg Bedard vs 8 Mike Kadlick
The former champ is coming to reclaim his crown.
4 Matt McCarthy vs 5 Dan Shaughnessy
Shank may be irrelevant, but still not as irrelevant as one of the myriad of doofus interchangeable bearded call screeners polluting the airwaves.
3 Adam Jones vs 6 Jarred Carrabis
Adam Jones will get exponentially more votes than he has listeners, and take out Carrubish.
2 Fred Toucher vs 7 Nick “Fitzy” Stevens
The Detroit drunk takes the carpetbagger crown from the Greek New Yorker.
Region V
1 Jim Murray vs 8 Christian Arcand
Large Gymnasium mops the floor with Ahhhhhhhcand
4 Pete Abraham vs 12 Chris Curtis
What’s the opposite of easy on the eyes? The tortoise will nip the sentient garden gnome in the bud.
3 Andy Hart vs 6 Brian Scalabrine
In this neurologically divergent version of “David and Goliath”, Goliath knocks himself out while David drools in the corner.
2 Marc Bertrand vs 7 Mark Dondero
The Far Side kid rolls on to the Sour Sixteen
Region N
1 Gabrielle Starr vs 9 Jerry Thornton
A Rabbi’s daughter and an elderly born-again Catholic man walk into a bar, and each leaves with a greater respect for the other and a deeper understanding of the world.
Gabby wins this battle in the never-ending Holy War.
4 Kevin Paul Dupont vs 5 John Zannis
John’s Anus runs away with this one.
3 Michael Felger vs 6 Kenni Middleton
Unfortunately Kendra is away on yet another “business” trip. Felger waltzes on.
2 James Stewart vs 10 Andrew Callahan
It’s every caricature artist’s dream matchup. The Sports Hub’s Hunchback rings Wojak’s bell.
Region T
1 Ted Johnson vs 8 Trenni Casey
CTEd is going to beat Trenni so bad you’ll think she is his wife
4 Rich Keefe vs 5 Scott Zolak
Zo kicks Dick Teeth’s dick and teeth in.
3 Albert Breer vs 6 Rob Bradford
New TikTok lifehack: Using fresh urine to get wrinkles out of your t-shirts! Breer whizzes past Mushmouth.
2 Chris Gasper vs 7 Rob “Hardy” Poole
Eric Rueb supporters will know exactly how Buffalo Bills fans feel after Kid Gas prances past Poole. Oh what might have been!
Vote early and vote often!
And the thrilling conclusion to the March Sadness first round commences today! Polls will close at 11:00 PM EDT.
In either a stinging rebuke of the Selection Committee’s choices, or a positive affirmation of their Wild Card selections, the voters have swept all four wild cards to victory over their normally seeded opponents. What a moment! Polls for the first full day of the Tournament will remain open until 9 PM EDT tonight, March 10th. Please enjoy.
Play -in Games Region C 10 Seed Dave O’Brien (NESN) vs wild card Brian “Rear Admiral” McGonagle (Barstool), Region V 16 Seed Travis Thomas (NESN) vs wild card James “Scaz” Scaramozzino (98.5), Region N 12 Seed Mark Daniels (MassLive) vs wild card Stanley “Stiz Grimey” Bruno (WEEI), and Region T 15 Seed Chris Forsberg (NBCSB) vs wild card Eric Rueb (ProJo).
The play-in games will be on Monday, March 9th. The rest of the field will begin on Tuesday March 10th, then Thursday and Friday of that week.
The 15 