(Clears throat) If you have been enjoying the run up to this year’s Mediot Tournament, or the ones previous, or the Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer columns, or the articles investigating out local sports media, or the Twitter hijinks of the local collaborative, please consider making a one-time donation. Site registration isn’t free. The Crowdsignal plug-in that tabulates the votes costs money as well. Or in the alternative visit our The15 Genuine Merchandise page and buy a shirt or a mug? Up to you. Thanks for reading.
The Wild Card participants all move on into The Big Sads! They’ve earned an off day. Ten contests today, an off day for everyone Wednesday, 12 more on Thursday, with last 10 of Round One on Friday. Let’s Go!!
The bones of the previous regime will be roasted at the gates of Hell!
Sent to us from Patrick in Andover del Norte:
Wild Card Monday really lived up to its name, as each of the four winners are first time participants. Apparently, everyone loves to hate an underdog. Are there more upsets on the horizon? That’s for YOU to decide!
Region C – Michael Felger (1) vs Chris Cotillo (16) Let’s face it, Cotillo has no chance against Felger. To help ease his pain please consider signing up to his Zoom workshop for aspiring sportswriters. Come learn what it takes to break into a tough industry. All are welcome, no experience required. Maybe next year YOU can go from March Sadness voter to March Sadness participant. Chris can be reached by email at bychriscotillo@gmail.com for pricing and more info. Make sure to use the code “THE15” at checkout.
Phil Perry (4) vs Rob Bradford (13) What the hell is going on with the brim on all of Bradford’s hats? A 50+ year old man in a flat-brimmed hat is bad enough, but to have a brim with a convex curve! It’s quite the zany affect. I guess it distracts from the perpetually wrinkled boring t-shirts. Perry advances.
We’re on the way to the full Jesper Parnevik brim.
Greg Hill (3) vs Rich Keefe (14) UPSET ALERT! The last time I heard Greg Hill on the radio was during one of Howard Stern’s 20-minute-long commercial breaks. Greg actually pulls the highest ratings at WEEI, which is akin to being the tallest midget (Hello Andy Hart!). If you follow the ratings as they plummet throughout the day, you will eventually arrive at Rich Keefe. Keefer sadness for the win!
Region V – Andy Gresh (5) vs Adam Jones (12) Yet another intra-EEI match up. Imagine being at such an awful radio station that Andy Gresh is your lead in. Now imagine being such an awful radio host that you can’t even retain Andy Gresh’s audience. It must be killing Adam Jones that if he had just hung in there for six more months he could have slithered right into co-host seat at the 98.5 Morning Zoo. The Sports Vulva ffffreaking earholes Gresh.
Dan Shaughnessy (6) vs Jermaine Wiggins (11) Can Shank be the Willis Reed of this tournament? More likely the 2023 version of Reed rather than his 1970 performance. Even without a pulse Dan will beat Wiggy.
Region N – Ted Johnson (1) vs Mike Kadlick (16) And now a few words from Ted Johnson: Bread, good. Fire, BAD!
Ted smash!!
Marc Bertrand (4) vs Gabby Starr (13) Gabby was the belle of last year’s ball, but now that she’s covering the unrest in the Middle East instead of the Red Sox, I fear she may not make it out of round one. The Far Side Kid should roll to a victory.
Jim Murray (2) vs Christian Arcand (15) Arcand is a dingleberry, but Murray is a piece of shit.
Region T – Christian Fauria (8) vs Chris Curtis (9) Fauria may have been part of two Super Bowl wins, yet it is Curtis who has the more amazing accomplishment. What was Lucy thinking?
Gratuitous? Yes, and?
Mark Daniels (5) vs Joe Murray (12) Poor Joey Beefs doesn’t stand a chance against YOUR New England Patriots Minister of Information. I’m hearing whispers than Daniels is primed for a deep run.
I was hoping we could get Lucy Burdge to make these picks whilst sashaying through a parking garage, but apparently the budget was blown on AI Trump. Alas, there’s nothing left to splash out on Lucy and her Flex Seal pants. To the match-ups…
Gratuitous? Perhaps.
Region C: Steve Buckley vs Shukri Wright(s) Steve Buckley? Now, that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time You may remember him from his many stints on WEEI in the late 90s or for his often-recycled columns in the Herald. Now apparently he works as the caretaker for the estate of Donnie Beardsley. Buck is up against a relative newcomer to the Boston sports scene, Shukri Wrights (it maybe Wright, nobody is sure – especially Shukri). Shukri, a NYC native who moved to Boston in 2017, is a lifelong diehard Boston sports fan, that is if you believe life starts at 30. Shukri’s greatest success has come by cosplaying a Bruins fan, which he has been able to parlay into many non-paying jobs at numerous faux media outlets. Does Shukri have what it takes to advance to the round of 64? Do you Bleav in miracles? Buck vs Shuk, should be an old fashioned Pierre Nightmare!
Adama Sanogo!
Region V: Dan Greenberg vs Henry McKenna For all the pants pissing he does during each and every Celtics game, Dan’s Twitter handle should be changed to SoilieYellowStain. I guess Dan just cares more, and he’s not afraid to show it! Performative fanning at its finest. Henry McKenna is a milquetoast nobody. Went from http://Boston.com to Fox Sports where he now covers the AFC East and not just the Patriots. He grew a mustache to cover up the fact that he has no upper lip. Punch Greenberg’s ticket to the big dance.
Okay
Region N: John Karalis vs Gethin Coolbaugh There was a real danger of the Boston Sports Journal being over-represented in the tournament given their extremely low subscriber to “people who give a shit” ratio. So it’s glad to see that these two bald losers have to battle it out for inclusion. Karalis, he of the scrubbed Twitter timeline, has been barely hanging on to the periphery of the Boston sports scene for years. Still pretending to cover the Celtics, and still no one noticing. Coolbaugh is a complete unknown. Nobody heard of him before Bedard hired him, and nobody has heard of him since Bedard hired him. His Twitter profile picture is himself next to a giant oversized prop microphone, insinuating that he is on the radio. It’s most likely a Rupert Pupkin situation, with Gethin “broadcasting” from his mother’s basement to her weekly bridge group. Based on reviewing their Twitter interactions, Karalis should win this by a total vote count of 1 to 0.
Gethin will shave his facial hair into a ‘G’ if he wins today.
Region T: Courtney Cox vs Cerrone Battle How often do you think Courtney Cox is greeted by disappointed faces when they find out she’s not THE Courtney Cox? 99% or is it actually 100%? I’m told that she’s part of Greg Hill’s Morning Zoo on WEEI, and to be honest I’ve never heard her. All I know if that she is not THE Courtney Cox, and for that I am disappointed. Ten years ago Cerrone Battle’s Twitter timeline was awash with Tweets rightfully calling out Felger and Mazz for their borderline racist comments. After Mazz crossed the border last year, the 98.5 higher ups were desperately scrambling to find “a couple of guys like that” to provide cover for their hosts more colorful comments. Welcome to the 98.5 family Cerrone, just stay away from Felger’s car. Is Cerrone Battle a sellout? Will he advance? That’s for you the voting public to decide.
Play in Games: Region C 12 Seed Steve Buckley vs wild card Shukri Wrights, Region V 13 Seed Dan Greenberg vs wild card Henry McKenna, Region N 14 Seed John Karalis vs wild card Gethin Coolbaugh, and Region T 15 Seed Courtney Cox (WEEI) vs wild card Cerrone Battle.
Play in games will be on Monday, March 11th. The rest of the field will begin on Tuesday, then Thursday and Friday of next week.
I personally trust the judgment of the 82-year-old who got caught getting dirty oriental handjobs to do the best thing.
Bruins need to be less committed to not repeating as the Presidents’ Trophy winners, and also not getting any more upper or lower body injuries.
Every football game should be shown on SkyCam with no announcers.
Where the fuck did Nick Cattles get tens of thousands of dollars? Well, if he ever gets a job in radio, he can make that money back in 3 or 4 years.
Good job, good effort, Last Two Minute Report.
If NE needed to kick more FG’s Sunday they should have brought out Zolak to clear the ground.
Does anybody actually enjoy Pat McAfee?
Some feel that Michigan winning the NC will take Harbaugh to the NFL. I can’t believe that he’d leave his Alma Mater after winning a Natty. I’m sure we’ll know shortly.
I ain’t dying shoveling snow.
Cakes are cooking for William Sanderson, Edward ‘Colonel DeBeers’ Wiskoski, Rod Stewart, Donald Fagan, George Foreman, Pat Benatar, Shawn Colvin, Janet Jones, Jim Lindeman, Sarah Josephson, Glenn Robinson, Jake Delhomme, Shannon Kavanaugh, and Adam Kennedy
Dan Orlovsky wouldn’t wash those wet jackets after the Steelers-Ravens game; He’d just let them air dry and wear them again.
Just make Trent Brown the GM. All fix!
Women are constitutionally incapable of taking criticism.
Gallant Vrabes is a defensive guru; Goofus Bill saw the game pass him by.
If this Celtics lose to the Heat again than take a fucking bomb to this thing. That team has zero business on the same floor as them it’s embarrassing, they’re one Jimmy Butler three away from being 0-3 vs that team in the ECF. Nut up and beat their asses.
Red Line Braintree Branch Update: Southbound delays of about 20 minutes due to flooding near Braintree have cleared.
I don’t think 100,000 Dominican pesos are very many dollars.
Oh no, Hali. Hope he’s alright.
Belichick should stroll in wearing an Orchids of Asia sweatshirt and put his feet up on the old man’s desk.
If you are covering three NHL teams you are covering none.
The Mt. Calvary Crew team should not be eligible for the Division 1 Finals! Parochials should play their own kind!
Hey gang of wokesters, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Mark Cuban is from Cuba you SPEDs.”
Only one feline team left for Football Cat to root for in the playoffs.
Nick Wright looks like a mashup of every weird friend in every teen comedy film from 1980-2010.
If I don’t have Will Flemming in my life anymore I’ll be livid.
The Progressive ads protecting people from becoming their parents never miss.
I’m definitely at the point in my life where heated seats are more for back pain than staying warm.
Brush your teeth, cumrag.
The greatest mistake the city of Boston made in terms of this was not figuring out a way to connect both North and South Stations especially during the Big Dig.
The Michigan win is definitely tempered by a Harbro being happy. Bleh.
Do people from Houston really care about the program that’s employed thousands, brought humanity into outer space, and exponentially accelerated technological developments including many of the things in our daily lives we take for granted? Yes, Albert, they do.
I always love it when someone says a car has a “yolk steering wheel.”
Introduce me to that big blonde. She’s got a touch of Tuesday Weld. She’s wearing Ambush and a French twist. She’s got us wild and she can tell. She loves to limbo, that much is clear; She’s got the right dynamic for the new frontier.
Well I can’t wait till I move to the city. Till I finally make up my mind To learn design and study overseas.
If you’re going to hire Vrabel you might as well just keep Belichick. Eh, Artie Blank finna give Vrabes the bag anyway.
Honk if you remember Spider Sabich.
I was rooting for Katie Nolan on ‘Celebrity Jeopardy.’ Sorrey!
Centrist Libertarians aren’t real and cannot hurt you.
Congratulations Theresa Schafzahl on scoring Team Boston’s first WPHL goal. Here’s to many more.
I’m sorrey but if you leave 4,000 cash out in plain sight you deserve to have your dog eat it once it’s unattended.
Understanding and anger are the deadliest of enemies. Understanding kills anger in most cases. Anger kills understanding in all cases.
Josh Allen’s gonna play for fifteen more years?
No TJ Watt against the Bills on Sunday. (Or against the Chiefs on Saturday, as Watt does not play for the Dolphins)
The song from the new IHOP commercial slaps hard.
If TurtleChode had hired Smaven instead of this other nutsack Bradl he’d be having a scorpion bowl at the Dragon 88 RN planning his next move, proly.
A: $1,702.00
Drew Carter is like if you gave a wetnap a really obnoxious radio voice.
I don’t talk to dead people.
Probably shouldn’t have let a criminal have your washable check, huh?
The league needs more drunk Irish GMs.
Best bet for the weekend: The Dolphins freezing up against KC in icy Arrowhead.
Not an officially sanctioned Immaculate Squids. Is there a solution?
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend jforb, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Clean this mess up, else we’ll all end up in jail. Those test tubes and the scale, just get it all out of here. Is there gas in the car? Yes, there’s gas in the caaar. I think the people down the hall know who you are.
The Immaculate Grid, Boston sports media edition will return with new grids after the Christmas and New Year’s Day holidays. Until then, enjoy the winners from weeks nine thru sixteen!
The Immaculate Grid, Boston sports media edition will return with new grids after the Christmas and New Year’s Day holidays. Until then, enjoy the winners from the first eight weeks.
