The 15

After five long years, the Isobel Cup returns to Boston! Congratulations to Jennifer, and Lisa, and, uh, Amy, and all the rest of the players and coaches for the Boston team in the NWHL!

They refloated that stuck container ship before Kid Gaslight concluded his twitter tantrum.

I know; ‘The Green Kornet!’ Did anyone else think of that? Everyone? Everyone else did, too? Oh.

Pro-batflip Twitter is much more obnoxious than anti-batflip Twitter ever was.

Yes. Yes you have every right to be upset that Belichick’s draft history doesn’t look like a Kim Jong-Un golf scorecard.

No way, Paige Bueckers and Jalen Suggs knew each other in high school?

Can’t wait to see what @Toucherandrich have cooked up for April Fool’s Day! Zoinks!

Must be nice to have sleep apnea.

Chris Gasper hasn’t gotten this much attention since the 2010 P-town Carnival.

A ‘non-infectious’ positive COVID test for Matt Barnes? Alex Cora is up to his old tricks again.

Cakes are cooking for Pavel Bure, Jérôme Rothen, Chien-Ming Wang, and Jessica Joseph.

Entercom is now Audacy. Please make a note of it.

Don’t try to rig Twitter giveaway contests. You WILL be caught.

Second billing on a weekend radio show does not make one Rosie the Riveter.

Marwin? Kiké? Franchy?? These are not baseball player names. These are Sunday Drag Brunch names.

Another big day of Pro Days today — with two likely Top 10 picks Kyle Pitts and Ja’Marr Chase among those on display.

What are you thinking, contracting Covid-19 now? Next you’ll tell me you just started watching Tiger King.

A two goal lead in hockey is the worst lead to have.

Elenore, gee I think you’re swell
And you really do me well
You’re my pride and joy, et cetera
Elenore, can I take the time
To ask you to speak your mind?

The next person who makes a Suez Canal joke to me gets locked in a room with a starving Major Biden.

It’s times like these we miss Tommy…

Is being scared of winter considered a comorbidity for early vaccination?

Feels like a Charlie Bronson night.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “My hovercraft is full of eels.”

Here’s condescension: You are painfully inept with words.

It appears Deshaun Watson’s quick release is not limited to just throwing the football.

Hi Farm.

To the guy backing his shopping cart out the entire length of the one way aisle; I appreciate your commitment to the letter of the rule. Respect to you.

Of course Charlie Coyle scored in @bsp_13‘s presence!!!

Godzilla has to be the prohibitive favorite in his tilt versus King Kong.

Watson pre-came during a massage?! Wow! I shit myself while at the Natick rest stop on the Pike! Just like equals!

Wait, so the journalist with a hosting gig on 98.5 is completely different than the other 98.5 host?

There’s never a bad time to nail your personal spice blend.

Honk if you remember Creature Double Feature.

Are you more a Jane Birkin guy, or an Edwige Fenech guy?

Proud of the way I reverse-mushed UMass hockey.

Masturbate your way thru it, Britni. Eventually the pain will go away.

I think that fella is a Minihane burner account.

Any word on Jack McCormick? Will he be at Opening Day?

Deshaun Watson’s lawsuits are now old enough to drink.

By mid April, the Patriots will be claiming they’ve never even heard of Jimmy Garoppolo, whoever he is.

Best bet for the weekend: people happy they cleverly put off getting vaccinated because it meant they had to cancel the big Easter Dinner plans.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW poster Hacksaw, and #the15 were used in this column.

I don’t mean this disrespectfully I seriously want to know, what was Dale Arnold’s signature moment in 30 years with WEEI?

We don’t usually break news here at #The15, but I have it on good authority that Brad Stevens plans on having many private team meetings going forward this season.

Where have you gone, William Bendetson? Pats Nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

I wonder if Lou Merloni is cashing 15th place bonus checks?

Coach Kyles is so busy grinding tape he doesn’t even have time to retake his twitter profile picture!

I’m just happy Kenny Moore is having fun again.

Patrick Chung is retiring just the moment I stopped calling him Eugene.

Sorry Andy Hart, we can’t have you slide over into Dale’s chair, we need to find a true talent like Andy Gresh.

Cakes are cooking for Pat Bradley, The Undertaker, Alyson Hannigan, Aaron Brooks, and Corey Hart.

After this stuff with female massage therapists, I guess Deshaun Watson really is the heir apparent to Peyton Manning?

How could the Commissioners Office allow these lawsuits to get out BEFORE Watson forced a trade to NE. Heads will roll at 345 Park Avenue.

RIP Dick Hoyt’s left-parted hairpiece.

Keep yappin’ Bob. That always works out for you. Make sure to remind the other owners about their inefficiencies. I doubt they’ll remember and soon rally behind some fictional scandal that will ensnare your coach and players, simply to remind you that you’re nouveau riche. Schmuck.

I bet the real media gets to bring a bag into Fenway Park.

Fitzy and Titzy is a great radio morning zoo name. Just sayin’.

Upton Bell is right. His dad never would have sold the broadcast rights to a streaming internet service in the 1950’s.

I have a pile of Malta Today back issues I haven’t gotten to yet.

Cry Moore.

Deshaun wrecked my ‘Stimmy For Jimmy’ joke.

Curt should be as loved as KG in this town. What a fuckup he is.

Parcells now has to be slotted behind Chung for inclusion in the Pats Hall of Fame. Sorrey Big Tuna.

In retrospect, all the Tourney upsets were foreseeable.

Mike Holley goes from working with Dick Teeth Keefe to Shiny Tooth Felger.

So, long story short: the jacket was full of spiders.

If Dov is brave, truthful and unselfish, he can become a real boy.

Gresh is one of those people you stare at a little longer on the street because you can’t quite tell if he’s rocking an extra chromosome or not.

Why does Ben Volin want college basketball players to contract Covid-19?

Mexican pizza brings me back. Just hits different y’all.

Hey gang. This week’s Phrase that Pays is “Nobody wanted to go to New England to be coached by Bill Belichick!”

Can’t believe having BJ Dean on every night wasn’t the answer for NBCSports Boston. Well, at least he can now focus on his burgeoning music career.

Neunundneunzig Düsenflieger
Jeder war ein großer Krieger
Hielten sich für Captain Kirk
Das gab ein großes Feuerwerk
Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft
Und fühlten sich gleich angemacht.

Maybe don’t trade Mookie if you don’t want a billboard mocking that decision.

Autobiography by Ashlee Simpson is one of the albums that raised me tbh. Pieces of Me is now stuck in my head and I’m not complaining. It goes so hard STILL TO THIS DAY.

Caesars is reportedly expected to sign a 20-year naming rights deal with the Saints and Superdome.

No, Duxbury HS did not submit a waiver claim on Rohrwasser. Why would you ask that?

Honk if you remember Hank Gathers.

Topographically, oatmeal raisin cookies are noticeably different from chocolate chip cookies. There is no excuse for confusing one for the other.

Bro. Did I ever tell you about the sick scar I got from a Slip N Slide injury at college? Carling Black Labels, amirite?!

Yayyyy! Fried zucchini!

DJ Bean is gonna be pissed if he has to cover games at Fenway. “It’s not a purse; it’s a European carry-all!”

You said the quiet part out loud, Tim Peel.

Best bet for the weekend: UMass Ice Hockey Wagon turns back into a pumpkin.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, Larry Johnson, BSMW member Pats67, and  #the15 were used in this column.

Hey, does Tom E. Curran still think that Bill Belichick should relinquish his GM duties?

Its time to start have have a discussion about the Bruins as sellers..not buyers.

I don’t do estimates.

Dale Arnold: Faker of sincerity on Boston radio since 1991.

Bye Marv Marvin.

Admit it. You’re excited for Space Jam 2 Day at Fenway.

I prefer my presidents not to be blown away.

If Gary Tanguay were a method actor, he would at least try to know something about sports when trying to credibly portray a sports radio host.

Cakes are baking for Bill Mueller, Natalie Zea, Samoa Joe, and Katie Ledecky.

Y’all ever not eat and take a bunch of benzo?

Local Market Basket customer pandemic response update: Double-masking? No. At least one person going the wrong way down the one-way aisles? Yes.

It’s really a shame we don’t have Brady to attract free agents.

Sources have confirmed that Dale’s step stool and back clips will not be retired from NESN broadcasts.

Four free throw attempts? Four? This. League.

They’re still doing the 11:05 start time for the Patriot’s Day Red Sox game, even with no Boston Marathon?

More time to spend at Table. Less money to spend at Table. Quite a conundrum.

Hmm. Aston Martin’s reviving its Vanquish nameplate.

To help facilitate ongoing Orange Line infrastructure upgrades at Wellington and address damage from the derailment, shuttle buses will continue to replace service between Oak Grove and Sullivan Square for the next 3 weeks.

Ray Leonard’s punches can’t hurt Hagler anymore. Not that they ever did.

Duke Men’s Basketball ran the ol’ COVID Al Czervik play?

Rick Keefe offed the Death Cat and stole his powers. Prove me wrong.

Yayyy! Breadsticks!

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Won’t get you Paid is “Did I stutter?”

Was @patriotsopinionsfromacallowteenager247 taken? It would explain things.

A: La Croix.

Thanks for ruining my ‘Bill’s spending money like he’s Robert at Orchids of Asia!’ joke, homicidal weirdo.

Mush-a ring dum-a do dum-a da
Whack for my daddy-o
Whack for my daddy-o
There’s whiskey in the jar.

No Ma, the spiral hams aren’t out yet. Yes, I asked the guy in the meat department. Soon. That’s all he’d say. It’s probably the corned beef taking up their spot.

His real name’s Alonzo Mosely.

Looking forward to trying out my ‘more dominant official state flower’ method of picking March Madness winners.

Honk if you remember the Ditty app.

My wife ordered clam chowder in San Diego and it ruined the whole trip. I was so pissed.

Ted Karras. Not a pawn in the game of life.

Fear Strikes Out? Timely reference, CHB.

The meteorologists don’t get to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day.

I’m man enough to admit I did forget the time John Brown COOKED the reigning DPOY.

Best bet for the weekend: a 10 seed upsetting a 7 seed.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and  #the15 were used in this column. 

If we look at this through the prism of ‘Bill doesn’t care what the media thinks’ this is a win, I guess.

Full offseason and a year more removed from shoulder surgery. I’m in. (Not really)

Know what will calm me down? An illegible Instagram post!

Maybe they’re signing Cam just to attract all the free agent weaponz?

I almost think this makes them more likely to trade up for Lance. Lance definitely isn’t ready but you aren’t taking on the vet for more than a year.

Where was Bedard with the scoop?

I jinxed it by trying to reverse mush it by saying Bill was going to bring him back out of spite.

Less yakking and more coaching, Jordan Palmer!!!

It is impossible to be reasonable about this right now. He’s cooked.

Already talking myself into a one year deal meaning nothing.

Waiting on @RapSheet to tell us that Cam had multiple offers, including at least one multiyear deal, but felt he has unfinished business in New England.

Bill has given money to veteran players he admires before.

So maybe Tawm had a point about taking the offensive keys away from Bill?

The new QB’s insta would’ve been cringy garbage anyway.

At least the coach has a history of starting an unproven young guy over a high priced underperforming veteran.

The sad thing is that except for the fruity clothing, goofy social media posts, inability to pass, misguided confidence, excessive cigar smoking, batted down passes, lack of ball security…

They’re definitely drafting a 1st round QB and trading for Beckham and signing Golladay.

I’m not rooting for someone named “Lance”.

It’s not in a lot of the medical literature, but COVID is notorious for making QBs set their feet perpendicular to the direction they’re throwing.

I love Patriots Twitter. It’s entertaining during the offseason.

Again taking Belichick at his word, and hearing everything the team says about him, they love the guy.

The contract better have an incentive for a legible font on his Instagram.

This is gonna kill Stidhsy when he wakes up and finds out; one o’ clock Eastern, nine AM Pacific.

If they keep Cam and trade away Harry all the wrong people are going to be insufferable. Correction: even more insufferable.

Kinda stole poor Justin Bethel’s thunder.

Noontime: actually, Cam is paying the Patriots 14M to let him hang around and is opening a bespoke chapeau shop in the old TB12 space.

Ask me in August.

Assembled from the instant reactions of #the15. And others.

When is International ‘People In Sports’ Day?

Saturday mornings are for people pretending to care about English professional soccer now, apparently.

I can’t believed they killed Wanda.

Neanderthal is by far the most offensive N-word I can think of.

Hockey Twitter stinks. Sorrey!

Trent Brown seems really excited to play with Tom Brady.

Maybe stop snapping the pills in half, Kyrie?

Cakes are cooking for Pam Oliver, Neneh Cherry, Eva Herzigova, and Belinda Bencic.

Try to name five current Red Sox players. You can’t.

Anyhoo, that Markle broad seems nice.

If Pipkin didn’t get sent off for that bullshite second yellow, they’d be dancing in the streets of Kingston-Upon-Hull.

If only Bill’s other busts could be so easily removed.

Maybe no Fronchy on Opening Day?

Funny for all of Bedard’s supposed sources telling him Jimmy G is ‘Plan A’, no one broke the Trent Brown trade to him.

I wanted to observe the occasion, but I worry that saying “Happy International Women’s Day!” sounds like I’m telling all women everywhere to smile at once.

Titans release cornerback Malcolm Butler, per source.

Dale Arnold has left work with a box more times than Jack Nicholson.

This is true and you can look it up: When Albert Pujols was a rookie, his team also had another rookie named Stubby Clapp.

Does this mean I can’t watch Uncle Drew anymore, Kyrie?

The greatest trick Dart Adams ever pulled was convincing the world he existed.

Are we sure Myers Leonard didn’t mean “you Kiké bitch”?

If you want to do an interview to complain about an insanely rich old lady who has no idea about the struggles of ordinary people, clearly Oprah is your first call.

Clearly Gerry Callahan is a racist who hates gingers.

Say clearly more.

Hey pal, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “Fine honey, we’re going to Sonic. What a life.

I’m not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean.
Philosophy, is a walk on the slippery rocks,
Religion is a light in the fog.

Blehhhhh! Compensatory draft picks! Blehhhh!!

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross died? Back in 2004? This is going to take some time to process.

Biting issues with the Biden dogs? Should have gotten golden retrievers.

Women don’t celebrate themselves enough the other 364 days out of the year.

Well as a kid I read ‘And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street’, and I turned out fine.

Honk if you remember The Maniacal One, Chuck Waseleski.

Leonbergers like #BoldFlavors, too, apparently.

Did Warner Brothers de-sexualize Lola Bunny because of concerns about Kobe Bryant? I’m jus asking the question.

Stay off the ice over the next few days!

Did you know that Cecil Cooper’s middle name was “Celester”? Well, now you do.

Death Cat Mike Holley comes for us all.

That Anya Taylor-Joy gal has quite a mouth on her.

I miss being able to play Entitled Town Bingo.

How do you replace a talent like Danielle Murr? I guess you start by hiring any other woman on the planet who doesn’t want to talk sports.

Radio baseball: a theater of the mind.

Best bet for the weekend: Episode 55 of Josh Marion and Friends featuring Greg Bedard.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, definite non-weirdo Bill James and #the15 were used in this column. 

Are the 12% of Bruins fans who are allowed to attend the game just the ones without shamrock tattoos? Or the ones under 3 bills?

Never meet your heroes. Especially if your hero is Big Jim Murray.

The15 also doesn’t offer paid internships.

Maybe that G-Leaguer told Jeremy Lin ‘you are a Coronavirus to your team’?

Don’t get so excited about Spring Training home runs, caller. They’re still using the old, livelier ball.

Happy birthday in heaven Fred Scolari. Blind in one eye. Deaf in one ear. Nicknamed Fat Freddie. Played in the league for 10 years. #Celtics

Oooh, bases loaded, spicy.

I had no idea Bertie went to Ohio State.

Cakes are cooking for Brian Leetch, Kristine Radford, Rick Mirer, and Tyler Florence.

Did Chris Gasper ever own capri pants? Sources say yes.

Score another one for The Spike King.

‘Wash Before Wearing?’ What’s the deal with that? Some kind of kickback to Big Detergent, I guess.

The Washington Football Team will create the team’s first co-ed dance team as part of its new game day entertainment program, hiring Petra Pope as senior advisor to run it. Formerly, Pope was manager of the Laker Girls and then Knicks City Dancers.

Hug your sports creatives a little tighter tonight.

Listening to Fitzy and Mego while spending my stimmy that I got cuz of the pandy.

Flag Football in South Florida is absolutely no joke.

Why is Biden not cancelled? He also has allegations against him.

“Patriots beat writer”: I wish they would.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “well I like em NAAAAASTY!”

Have fatter legs.

Who do you like to win the Hockomock League?

It’s time we stop;
Hey, what’s that sound?
Everybody look, what’s going down?

Red Line experiencing northbound delays of about 10 minutes due to a train with a door problem at Downtown Crossing.

Where’s JBJ?

‘Raid other teams…’ GTFO.

I wish I studied the Dewey Decimal System in college. I, too, could be driving in an overpriced luxury vehicle that will be off the road in 3 years.

Blehhhhh! Arctic blast! Blehhhh!

Celtics not mathematically eliminated, despite panic among the radio talking men.

Oh? You once ran a deep route in a flag football game?

I have about 10 McChicken sandwiches a year.

So the Red Sox invoked that new 20 pitches in an inning rule for their ‘big’ free agent signing?  Less than ideal.

Gina. Commerce-ing.

Honk if you remember Bucko Kilroy.

Does anyone really think the baseball station’s football guy has sources?

Finders are Grinders.

In Norway, March come in like a polar bear and goes out like a walrus.

Huascar Ynoa?

That sneaker story. Wow.

Best bet for the weekend: Atlanta strip club chicken wings being big sellers with the NBA All Star Game in town.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15 were used in this column. 

Sports creatives are depended on for so much and not valued nearly enough for the enormous and diverse amount of work that we do, and not feeling valued is a terrible feeling.

I guess Earl wasn’t the family member who taught Tiger how to drive. What?

The fact that it is only February 24th and I have to wait another month for the Patriots to have a quarterback is sad and bad.

If you use commas in your ellipsis then you need to turn in your pretend sports media card.

Pasta is a Good Kid. A Good Kid in a Barbie World.

Maybe, in the alternative, let’s don’t blow it up and fire Brad and put Danny out on an ice floe on the Great Salt Lake, or however the Mormons do things?

Johnny Damon had to get home.

Avalanche have a really good team this year. Makar (UMASS) is fucking sick. He’s the real deal.

Does Jarrett Stidham think he’s still in high school? Get on the practice field, lover boy!

Cakes are cooking for Alain Prost, Paula Zahn, Fuad Reveiz, Manon Rheaume, and Zach Johnson.

All those 1980’s NFL quarterbacks’ kids were born with birth defects and somehow Chris Simms gets to survive into his 40’s? Life isn’t fair.

CM Punk retired? I thought that happened years ago.

The media circling around Always Accessible Cam as a lure to FA signees is aggravating me.

Knock-Knock. ‘Who’s there?’ Dart Adams. ‘Dart Adams who?’ EXACTLY.

That Oklahoma football player fight video was boring. Sorrey!

Why not just tell us how big your new condo is, rather than post a stupid video ostensibly about bulldogs? Oh, right you did tell us that, too.

Anybody want to invest in a no helmet, no pads, tackle football league? #EatGlass #FamFirst

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is “It’s time to be patient – lots of speculation in the media from doctors who have never treated these kinds of injuries.”

It sokay t’admit a seemingly good guy is cooked as a starting quarterback. The rest is just gaslighting.

Just rediscovered ‘Time Passages’ by Al Stewart. Thanks interwebs!

I bet LJ Sandwich would have appreciated the Bruins 90’s themed outfits. Him and Fred and Ted.

What happens when your franchise QB becomes your bridge QB and he’s still paid like a franchise QB?

Why not just lower the prices for t shirts at Super70ssportsstore.com by $5.00?

It seem like Nick Cafardo has been gone for way more than two years.

Around the world, around the world. Rock, robot rock.

Even the loathsome Red Sox Ownership Group would balk at trading Pastrnak. Good job, good effort 98.5 dummies.

I have to make 80 Peet’s Holiday Blend K-cups last until November. Less than ideal.

From NFL Now: An extension for #Bucs QB Tom Brady would make sense for all sides, easing Tampa Bay’s cap hit and securing Brady (playing as well as ever) for another year.

Blue Line Update: Regularly scheduled service has resumed.

Asante. Just no.

Nine three-pointers? WOW

The toughest thing about podcasting? Converting time zones.

Teamwork make the team work.

Honk if you remember Montreal Canadiens coach Claude Julien.

BTS is an internet acronym for ‘bad to say.’

With Kobe gone and Tiger down, has ESPN dispatched an entire Blackwater mercenary team to protect LeBron? 

Man, Chuck Jones died. In 2002.

veryceleb dot com. Not exactly a lightweight.

Best bet for the weekend: refund applications to 5Dimes Sportsbook.

material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW, and #the15 were used in this column. What are we looking at here, Conor?