The 15

YOU got smoked off white wine spritzers and tried to ride YOUR bike, caller. You did!

Should have used some of last nights runs during the losing skid, Red Sox.

The statue looks like Tom and is the head is properly proportioned. Knock it off.

So the Celtics can say “Happy birthday, Cooz” and it’s cool, but if I say it to my wife, she gets mad.

I enjoy the yearly ritual of seeing how much fatter Zolak got since last preseason.

‘Swedish Electrician’ sounds like a sex move. “I don’t recommend trying the Swedish Electrician with your wife if you’ve got a bad hip!”

I might be an old man but the sneakers with a suit is infuriating.

Love that the social media girl for the NHL’s 25th best team is being feted like a dying Lou Gehrig.

Nice to see the Astros wearing the OXY patch in honor of Rear Admiral.

Celtics Governorship Drama szn.

Cakes are cooking for Jocelyn Elders, Gary Davidson, Janet Yellin, Bobby Clarke, Jeff Altman, Betsy King, Hideo Fukuyama, David Feherty, Danny Bonaduce, Tom Niedenfuer, Koji Kondo, John Slattery, Debi Mazar, Jay Buhner, Mark Lemke, Elvis Grbac, Kevin Plank, Sherman Williams, Corey Patterson, Sebastian Stan, Boone Logan, Steve Perrault, and DeMarcus Cousins.

With pads on, Will Campbell looks like a football player.

The CEO of the OXY corporation must be like, “Why do we have to change our name when it’s the massive drug epidemic that sucks?”

Hey gang of qualified sports insiders, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Well, the games this weekend will certainly be interesting.”

Do I already have ‘Stretch’ fatigue?

Blue Line Reminder: Through August 17. Shuttle buses are replacing service between Airport and Wonderland for infrastructure upgrades, trackwork, and station improvements. Riders should allow extra time during this work.

Arrighetti sounds like spaghetti with arrabbiata sauce.

I replaced my underwear inventory with all under armour boxer jock. They are great. And then for running / lifting i have the UA compression shorts. Also outstanding.

Paul Perillo has the skin of an ’84 Lebaron convertible top.

Superfan Cam probably sat up in his shitty bed like Dick Hallorann when the psychic wave of Felger’s fall hit him.

RKK’s speechwriter should have axed the ‘passing precision’ phrase.

All broads think about is making videos of themselves.

Stop wasting my time
You know what I want
You know what I need
Or maybe you don’t
Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?

Gimme some money
Gimme some money

Have fun and play hard against the Irmo, South Carolina squad, Braintree Little Leaguers.

I’m just now realizing that the Pats have a running back room led by players whose last names end in -son: Rhamondre StevenSON TreVeyon HenderSON Antonio GibSON, And they would have had another if Lan LariSON hadn’t been placed on IR!

St. Hubbins was patron saint of quality footwear.

I miss Jerry Remy adding R’s to words and names that didn’t have R’s in the spots of those pronunciations.

Honk if you remember Danny Almonte.

You would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at the Super Bowl XLIX excerpt from Michael-Shawn Duggar’s book about the Seahawks.

Mike in Woburn is gonna have a heart attack. And then he’ll probably have another one when he hears the Felger news.

You can powerbomb people in UFC?

The heat bugs must be loving this weather. Because of the heat.

Nevada Supreme Court ruled in favor of Jon Gruden. But watch ol’ Roger Goodell elude this one, too.

Eye Column Item: Kayla Burton is dating Pats special teams coordinator Jeremy Springer.

Well done, Boston Crusaders Drum & Bugle Corps. DCI Champions.

The same people who in January can’t tell me if it will snow tomorrow are all over this hurricane coming in over a week.

Best bet for the weekend: New England’s prseason march toward relevance continues in Minnesota.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Welcome back Carmine.