Tag Archives: the15

10/23/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Celebrities expected to be in attendance for the Celtics season-opener included Jeannine Russell, The Duke & Duchess of Athol, Donnie Wahlberg, Shaboozey,  Benson Boone, Kai Cenat, Ron Catamount Muskmelon, 21 Savage, Metro Boomin, MBTA Flailin, Gord Marley, A$AP Ferg,  Ja’Whaun Bentley, Davon Godchaux, Yung Lil Young, Zeppo Wahlberg, Shukri Wight, the cast of ‘Rescue: Hi-Surf’, and Nibi the Educational Beaver.

Felger should make “Tony, I Think You Had Something You Wanted to Say First?” a weekly feature.

Mookie needed 1927 Yankees Murderers Row protection to break out of his playoff blues.

Albuterol is still the best way to avoid wheezing a lot of bed.

The wax figure on the Liberty Mutual ads is by far the worst iteration of this series.

Who said D-Hop?

Looking forward to having the Dugie rally at City Hall if the Yankees win.

Cakes are cooking for Ang Lee, Dwight Yoakam, Weird Al Yankovic, Doug Flutie, Mike Tomczak, Al Leiter, Kevin Henry, Sanjay Gupta, Keith Van Horn, Cat Deeley, Ryan Reynolds, Pedro Liriano, Izabel Goulart, Emelia Clarke, Leah Van Dale, Fábio Tavares, Margaret Qualley, and Nick Bosa

Precious Achiuwa sounds like the name of a fat Lhasa Apso.

Lynx got jobbed.

Hey gang of paranormal pursuers! This week’s Phrase That Pays is, “To see the ghost, you must first believe in the ghost.”

Stammertime, welcome to Smashville.

Did TNT cut away to commercial because Paul Pierce had floated up into the TD Garden rafters too?

Honey Flower Dan Cong (also called Phoenix Mountain Oolong) is the best tea and it has been unfindable for months and it appears it has come back into stock in the US and is also way less expensive than it was last year. Big win for me.

Orange Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Forest Hills.

LeBron James the Younger debuting to play with his father was one of the most heartwarming painfully forced moments you’ll ever see.

Mercury Morris was the only thing stopping the Chiefs from going undefeated.

Bill Belichick was never 1-6. Bill Belichick never described his own team as “soft.” Bill Belichick never got the pass Jerod Mayo is getting right now. Mayo at 1-6 is treated better than Belichick was at 6-1.

Cousy is a cvnt hair away from being Jimmy Carter.

“Fernandomania” was a blast for baseball fans. Farewell to a Dodgers legend.

Charismatic megafauna!

Ime Udoka would have been at the banner raising if he knew white Cooz was gonna be there! What?

I see people saying that the Dodgers/Yankees series will get great TV ratings. Is that your belief? Because I’m skeptical. Put the two hardest teams in baseball to root for head-to-head, you really think that will draw big numbers?

Ridin’ in the bus down the boulevard,
And the place was pretty packed, yeah.
Couldn’t find a seat so I had to stand,
With the perverts in the back/

It was smellin’ like a locker room,
There was junk all over the floor.
We’re already packed in like sardines,
But we’re stoppin’ to pick up more, look out!

Another one rides the bus, another one rides the bus,
Another comes on and another comes on,
Another one rides the bus;
Hey, he’s gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus.

Retire? Are you kidding? The Sultan of Stat would never let down his loyal subjects (that’d be you and math).

Fun Fact: Entitled Town has an IMDB Page.

The Patriots are missing Rhamondre Stevenson, Layden Robinson, Ja’Lynn Polk and Curtis Jacobs from today’s practice Vederian Lowe returned, but looked limited. Keion White also looked limited.

Honk if you waited in line when the iPod was released.

Steve Kerr told TNT to go to commercial.

Imagine hitching your wagon to Mayo’s movable North star.

The Yankees installing Boone as manager for life is kinda weird. Like if the Red Sox had won the 2003 ALCS and then made Trot Nixon manager.

Clams hurt themselves posing with the WNBA trophy? Smdh.

Best bet for the weekend: the Fighting Irish over the Fightin’ Seabees.

It does always come back to baseball, Colin and Nick.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Mayo on the hot seat?

And a happy birthday to Brazilian fashion model Izabel Goulart.

Football Cat’s Week 6 NFL Picks ’24

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Congratulations on all that sweet cash you made following last week’s picks (10-3 against the spread, and 11-2 straight up – not that we’re keeping track). As a way of saying “thank you”, head on over to the official The 15 Store and load up on some genuine merch during the big October sale.

I can’t believe this awesome shirt is on sale for only $16!

SUNDAY TEA TIME
Patriots at Jaguars (-5.5)
Spotty cats lose to New England in Olde England.

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Bengals (-4.5) at Browns
Stripey cats use the Dog Pound as their litter box.

It’s actually an improvement.

Lions at Vikings (-1.5)
Jungle Kings knee cap the Vi-Kings

Texans at Packers (-3.5)
Texans grind up the Meat Men

Someone get Upton Sinclair on the phone.

Eagles (-3.5) at Giants
Baby New York wins the game, but loses the Belichick Bowl.

And they have pretzels

Dolphins at Colts (-3.5)
Drips dizzy Dolphins dropped

Seahawks at Falcons (-2.5)
Real birds defeat fake sea birds.

Titans at Bills (-8.5)
You’ll see tits on a bull before you see the Tits beat the Bills.

Superfluous

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Panthers at Commanders (-7.5)
The Swamp Things may not be as good as they’ve looked, but the Black Cats are worse than they’ve looked.

Raiders at Rams (-5.5)
Cleveland-LA-St. Louis-LA Rams win the Transient Bowl over the Oakland-LA-Oakland-Las Vegas Raiders

I once faced down the devil.

Chiefs at 49ers (-1)
49ers win the Super Bowl rematch, but don’t actually avenge the loss, then spiral into a deep depression.

I’m sorry, did you say something? I wasn’t listening.

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Jets at Steelers (-1.5)
Men of Steel master Metropolis

It’s a bird…it’s a plane… no wait, it’s eaten the bird… all the birds.

MONDAY EARLY PROWL TIME
Ravens (-3.5) at Buccaneers
Scary Black Birds get Buccan-owned

MONDAY ACTUAL PROWL TIME
Chargers (-2.5) at Cardinals
The bad night for birds continues as the pretty Red Birds get zapped.

Shocking!

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Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

10/16/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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The Greatest 20 Point Loss in Team History.

In the event of a Subway Series, will the New York celebrities get assigned a rooting interest at random?

The Celtics are the top team in town…until something changes.

“It’s October! It’s costume month!” – Broads. Probably.

Being a Patriots captain is like being the drummer for Spinal Tap.

‘Look What You Made Me Do’ after a Celtics win hits hard. The most disrespected Champions of all time are on a mission this year. I can’t wait.

Bruins: 41-41 here we come?

I know I’m in the super minority, but AVP had a good day Sunday- and while the discord today is typical, it’s also frivolous.

Cakes are cooking for Bob Weir, David Zucker, Falcão, Sue Pedersen, Tony Carey, Melissa Belote, Roger Phegley, Tim Robbins, Gary Kemp, Bob Mould, Val Skinner, Billy Taylor, Durga McBroom, Flea, Missy Hyatt, German Titov, Tom Tolbert, Joe Murphy, Wendy Wilson, Chad Grey, Darius Kasparaitis, Jermaine Lewis, Paul Kariya, Kellie Martin, John Mayer, Mary Halvorson, Sue Bird, Bryce Harper, and Naomi Osaka.

A nice tribute to Johnny and the other one by the Blue Jackets.

Brian Burns is showing why the Rams were willing to give up two first-round picks for him a few years ago. A massive talent.

Imagine if you had an ambidextrous schizophrenic pitcher? It would be like having two players for the price of one.

Why did I even buy a motorcycle off Temu?

The worst Boston free-agent walk-away since Carlton Fisk? Dave Goucher.

The advertising budgets for some of these Big Pharma psychosomatic drug commercials is outrageous.

Get your plants and veggies in before Thursday.

Do the Jaguars have a deeply discounted season ticket program for pretend bisexuals?

Hey Six Sigma gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “People who try & place catchy names on any process show they really aren’t doing shit.”

Orange Line Reminder: Service has resumed between North Station and Back Bay. Shuttle Buses will operate between Back Bay and Forest Hills through Oct 20. Commuter Rail alternates are available.

It will never not be funny to me that my phone autocorrects Brissett to brisket, no matter how many times I type it. #lol

My toxic trait is that I keep sleeping with my window open because I love the cold but get mad when I wake up with my sinuses in absolute shambles.

You can see the mornin’, but I can see the light
Try, try, try, let it ride
While you’ve been out runnin’, I’ve been waitin’ half the night
Try, try, try, let it ride

And would you cry if I told you that I lied
And would you say goodbye, or would you let it ride?
And would you cry if I told you that I lied
And would you say goodbye, or would you let it ride?

Joe Murray runs his own show but has to do his own headlines too. That’s hardcore, man. Props to you brother.

Ethel is such a hot name.

“Three Kings” ran in one big theater. We had a one-night premiere screening of “Drive Me Crazy”. I was in HELL that night. We had “American Beauty” in one theater, “Random Hearts” in one theater & opened “Fight Club” in one of our big theaters. We had to swap “Random Hearts.”

The Texans could have showed up wearing their lettermen jackets and still won.

They’re not even gonna try to fix the Trop with clear plastic sheeting and a whole mess of Flex Seal?

Honk if you remember Baby Jessica.

SF49’ers sign a kicker who could play against the Chiefs on Sunday after his missed playoff kick in January was a reason they played the Chiefs in Super Bowl LVIII.

A Hockey Club sandwich would hit the spot right now.

Peter King says Lamar Jackson calls him “Mr. Peter”. I don’t think that’s the token of respect Fatty thinks it is.

Bruins fandom needs more Laurens.

It would be fun if, when a baseball team fires six coaches, they would be required to file a five-page report on each firing, explaining in detail what it was that that coach did wrong.

If you aren’t sure what a phrase means, maybe hold off on using it.

Best bet for the weekend: Pats depart Wembley as winners.

It’s like Rodgers is the GM!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Takitaki!

BdlG. So Fall-coded. She had a birthday this week too. Or will have one. So mysterious!

Football Cat’s Week 6 NFL Picks ’24

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Admeowral of the Ocean Seas

Happy Columbus Day/Canadian Thanksgiving/Indigenous Peoples’ Day weekend to all who celebrate. If you’re NOT looking for something to do this weekend, make sure to check out the Fall Event Avoidance Generator. Otherwise make sure to dress warmly whilst you enjoy the foliage train.

Of course I’m having fun. Why do you ask?

SUNDAY TEA TIME
Jaguars at Bears (-2)
The Shaguars love playing in London.

Yeah Baby!

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Cardinals at Packers (-5)
Meat men make mince-meat of pretty Red Birds.

Texans (-7) at Patriots
Rod Rust will be one game closer to popping that heavenly champagne. 1-16 here we come!

They really needed the “Friday Funny” back in 1990

Buccaneers (-3.5) at Saints
Hopefully this win will help the residents of Florida’s Gulf Coast heal.

Commanders at Ravens (-6.5)
Black Birds fend off the Swamp Things.

Murderous Crows!

Browns at Eagles (-9)
Predators over Sexual Predators.

Colts at Titans (-2.5)
Will Levis is tanned and rested, and ready to lead the Titans to another loss.

Put me in, coach

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Chargers (-3) at Broncos
Broncos bust Bolts.

Steelers (-3) at Raiders
Rooneys rout Raiders.

Falcons (-6) at Panthers

It’s a shameful day in the community when the Black Cats lose to a bunch of birds.

Shame!

Lions (-3) at Cowboys
Kings of the Beasts bests the ‘Boys

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Bengals (-3.5) at Giants
Stripey Cats save their season by cutting the Giants down to size.

I can see East Rutherford from up here!

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Bills (-2.5) at Jets
The new coach bounce gets the Jets into a tie for first place in the pathetic AFC East

*Football Cat cannot be held responsible for any loss that maybe be incurred as a result of following the betting tips provided on this site. If you or someone you know has a sports betting or gambling problem, please call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit The National Council on Problem Gambling for more information and further assistance. In Massachusetts call 1-800-327-5050 (MA).

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

10/9/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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El Tiante.

Swayman had got his contract signed. Our short, regional nightmare is now over.

Thank God the Patriots made the Maye announcement on Tuesday. It would have been a shame if the Texans didn’t have a full week to prepare.

Be careful out there, Floridian friends.

Peppers has made $34MM in his career and rents an apartment in Braintree? He should be cut for that reason alone.

“Hey, can I ruin your photo?” – ‘Fitzy’

Luis Clemente Tiant Vega; taken from us too soon. Cigars and a crazy wind-up. He was called, ‘El Tiante’, which means, ‘The Tiante.’ Rest in peace, amigo.

Do the Mohegans have a legend about a wily Lynx defeating the Sun? Maybe they should.

It’s not Giancarlo’s fault! Bob Costas is basically what everyone always said Joe Buck is.

So the Manning’s spent time wondering if Matt Patricia had a special pencil that worked on a laminated play sheet? Another chess move by Bill.

Cakes are cooking for Nona Hendryx, Jackson Browne, Brian Downing, Richard Chaves, Sharon Osbourne, Tony Shalhoub, James Fearnley, John O’Hurley, Scott Bakula, Don Garber, Ini Kamoze, Michael Paré, Mike Singletary, Trevor Matich, Guillermo del Toro, Dwayne Sabb, Polly Jean Harvey, Annika Sorenstam, Kenny Anderson, Brandon Pollard, Dexter McCleon, Steve Burns, Sean Lennon, Nick Swardson, Brian Roberts, Henrik Zetterberg, Marie Kondo, Jacob Batalon, and Ben Shelton.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to a signal problem at Wood Island.

I just got beeped at in drive thru line at Doughboy. It’s rather concerning if the general public no longer understands the concept of a drive thru line.

It’s almost like choosing as Belichick’s heir apparent a man whose post-playing career talent ceiling is ‘casino greeter at Plainridge’ was a bad idea.

Veal Parm is the greatest of Parms for Subs.

Hey gang of incurable romantics, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Everyone knows that the portion of the brain used for critical thinking is markedly less developed in women, honey.”

I’m fine with it not being tonight and surprised Goldberg wasn’t getting that Saudi check versus Gunther, but you gotta pull the trigger on Sami, Great matches with Gunther, Cody, Roman all as challenger. The Sami Hogan shit is corny. Put the belt on him in the next 12 months

It’s 2024, don’t get offended if I tell you i won’t eat your dish made with Rao’s or Ragu jarred sauce. it’s not that serious. I don’t like it, you cannot change my mind. I am sure you are a wonderful cook. it’s not personal

First they came for William Bendetson, and I said nothing…

Someone should ask Mayo if he knows he can make these decisions without consulting the press.

I have a peck of apples to eat from last weekend!

What do you call “imposter syndrome” when it’s not a syndrome?

Tasing is lame. Just shoot him.

Vegans and people from Texas; They’re going to shoehorn that fact into every conversation in any way that they can.

Look, he’s crawling up my wall.
Black and hairy, very small.
Now he’s up above my head.
Hanging by a little thread.

Boris the spider.
Boris the spider.

Now he’s dropped on to the floor
Heading for the bedroom door.
Maybe he’s as scared as me.
Where’s he gone now, I can’t see.

Boris the spider.
Boris the spider.

Just when I thought D daddy bald daddy NBA champion daddy White couldn’t be any cooler. I need this hoodie of him tucking in Tatum’s best friend the Larry O’Brien Trophy into bed immediately

The world does need Rat Shovelers.

The Kraft’s have their team back. It’s an awful, irrelevant team, but hey, it’s theirs!

Honk if you remember Dean Smith.

When the Red Wings fans throw an octopus onto the ice, the team either needs to have a player leave the ice or they get called for a too many men penalty.

Joe Kelly is the modern Moe Drabowsky.

Yaaaaa Sully … Mayo’s got a plan, kid, yaaaaaaaaa!

A: Nothing, she’s already been told twice.

Few things are more annoying than when the referees constantly delay the game by making unnecessary “Delay of Game” calls. Hold up the game 20 seconds because the snap was a half-second late.

Drake Maye’s lifelong dream is about to come true and Greg Dickerson thinks he should be depressed.

Best bet for the weekend: someone earns their True Yankee pinstripes.

Where did Mayo get these captain’s patches, Needful Things?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Creepy, crawly, creepy creepy crawly crawly.

Happy Birthday to The L Word actress Erin Daniels.

The Mystery of the Media and Mayo’s Missing Mutiny

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“Right now, they’re teetering on a mutiny in that locker room.”

Yesterday, during the broadcast of the ‘Catch-22’ podcast on the Patriots Podcast Network, (a part of the actual ‘Patriots Media Cartel’) Senior Reporter Evan Lazar offered his assessment of the tenor of the team’s mental state:

Right now, they’re teetering on a mutiny in that locker room. And I don’t want to be alarmist or like hyper, what’s the word?  (Co-host Alex Barth: “Hyperbolic?”)  I don’t want to speak for, yeah, hyperbolic, thank you, I don’t but I was in that locker room after the game on Sunday; the defense is mad at the defense, the offense is mad at the offense, you have young receivers who are literally throwing tantrums on film in Pop Douglas and Ja’Lynn Polk, and good on Pop Douglas owning that this weekend and kind of saying he’s got to be better and all that kinda stuff but I said this before and I’ll say it again you’re at the point now with 52 other guys in that locker room that all watch these two quarterbacks practice every single day and all know that they drafted Drake Maye 3rd overall and at what point in time do some of these guys say to themselves, “Why am I going out there and getting my butt kicked every single Sunday and Drake can’t?  Like what am I going out there with the quarterback who can’t get me the football when we have the Ferrari back in the garage that can get me the football but I’m supposed to, I’m Ja’Lynn Polk and I’m supposed to go run every single route as hard as I can and I’m supposed to lay it all out there?’

A leader of men. Learned the ropes on HMS Optum.

Not a difficult scene to picture for a team that had lost their previous three games after winning their season opener under rookie Head Coach Jerod Mayo. But then something odd occurred:

When the podcast audio had been restored, any reference to ‘mutiny’ had been removed. This had the counterproductive effect of drawing attention to the podcast and the discontent in the locker room. A classic example of the Streisand Effect.

Nice house, Babs.

After this unfortunate gaffe, Evan was doubtless summoned to a meeting with the higher ups:

And after a brief yet productive struggle session, he cheerfully recanted any statements that could be seen as deleterious to the image of the Patriots organizations one big happy collaborative enterprise:

“I got carried away. There is no mutiny in the locker room.
I am being treated well. I have been given a blanket.
The Red Cross will visit me soon with letters from my family.”
“It’s a dang mutanty!”

I will let this summarize our position on the matter, and give IH the last word:

The Cains Mutiny?

Football Cat’s Week 5 NFL Picks ’24

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Foot. Ball. Cat.

More wins than losses Week 4. How many more? Exactly enough, wise guy. Week Five:

(Bye week teams: Pumas, Plugs, Phils, & Pontoons)

SUNDAY TEA TIME
Jets vs Vikings (-2.5)
Biggest Viking defeat in England since the Battle of Stamford Bridge back in 1066.

Wot wot?

SUNDAY LUNCH TIME
Panthers at Bears (-4)
Black Panthers haven’t partied like this since the days of Bobby Seale and Huey Newton.

You dig?

Ravens (-2.5) at Bengals
Stripey cats take down scary black birds.

Bills (-1) at Texans
Tatanka topple Texans.

Sorry ’bout that pardner.

Colts at Jaguars (-3)
Spotted cats will need to leave the country to find a win.

Dolphins at Patriots (-1)
Mayo’s mutineers drop Coach Drip.

I’ll take any mutineers nose and hang them by the highest yard marker!

Browns at Commanders (-3)
Mystical fairy men get bogged down in the Maryland malarial swamp.

SUNDAY DINNER TIME
Raiders at Broncos (-3)
What do you call a giant hill made of kittens? A meow-tain! (Try the veal, tip your waitresses and take Denver.)

erk!

Cardinals at 49ers (-7.5)
Purrrdy feasts on pretty Red Birds.

Packers (-3.5) at Rams
Meat men master muttons.

Giants at Seahawks (-6)
Fake Sea Birds sasquatch the Giants

Is that BSJ’s John Karalis?

SUNDAY PROWL TIME
Cowboys at Steelers (-2.5)
Men of Steel win the Super Bowl X, XIII, and XXX rematches!

MONDAY PROWL TIME
Saints at Chiefs (-5)
After KC wins they will have successfully completed the first quarter of their inevitable march to a perfect season/three-peat.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Football Cat’s Week 4 NFL Picks ’24

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Week 3 review. Not as good as week 1, but not as bad as week 2. Acceptable.

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Saints at Falcons (-2.5)
When in doubt, always bet against the bird team.

Rams at Bears (-3)
LA wins the Second City Bowl.

Not the Hollywood hills. Probably.

Vikings at Packers (-2.5)
The Sam Darnold experience comes to its inevitable end.

Steelers (-2) at Colts
Go Horse.

Go Horse!!!

Broncos at Jets (-7.5)
New York nixes Nix

Eagles (-2) at Buccaneers
American birds soar over soggy field conditions.

Bengals (-4.5) at Panthers
Some cat fights are more visually appealing than others (e.g. Lucy vs Taylor). You can avert your eyes from this one. Stripey over black.

Achtung: Panzer!

Jaguars at Texans (-6)
Spotted cats have to win sooner or later. It will be later.

Zzzzz

SUNDAY DINNERTIME
Commanders at Cardinals (-3.5)
Little Red Birds are too tired after their long flight and fall to the Commies.

Patriots at 49ers (-10)
Hopefully the residual Friday Funny effect can carry the locals through the Sunday Sads. Purrrdy pummels Pats.

Browns at Raiders (-2)
Go with the Elves over the Elvis impersonators.

TCB.

Chiefs (-7) at Chargers
Kelce will score 3 TDs as Andy Reid finally cracks open the Taylor Swift playbook.

Wait, what?

SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Bills at Ravens (-2.5)
Hairy cows aren’t afraid of scary Black Birds.

MONDAY EARLY-PROWLTIME
Titans at Dolphins (-1)
Look for the Tits to burst out in Miami.

Jan Hammer Miami Vice theme music intensifies

MONDAY PROWLTIME
Seahawks at Lions (-3.5)
Big Cats bring the Fake Sea Birds down to Earth.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Bonus MV Cat content.

9/25/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Shiny.

Any time you can needlessly accelerate your coaching succession plan by two years you have to do it.

The best NFL broadcasts come from the website where I buy $3 knockoff USB chargers that may or may not catch fire.

Anyone who used “Woj Bomb” unironically is an asshole.

I’ve thought about starting my day watching the Vince McMahon documentary. But not sure I have it in me this early.

It’s not a rivalry if the same side keeps winning!.

Is it me or is there a ton of injuries already this NFL season?

Major Red Sox uniform news: The Red Sox will unveil a City Connect 2.0 uniform in 2025 and will no longer wear their blue alternate jerseys. Given the popularity of the yellow uniforms, they have elected to keep it as a core uniform offering for the foreseeable future.

Cakes are cooking for Michael Douglas, Gil Morgan, Cheryl Tiegs, Anson Williams, Pedro Almodovar, Burleigh Drummond, Mark Hamill, Bob McAdoo, Jimmy Garvin, Jamie Hyneman, Michael Madsen, Scottie Pippen, Will Smith, Catherine Zeta-Jones, David Weathers, Dean Ween, Doug Pelfrey, John Lynch, Bridgette Wilson, Matt Hasselbeck, Chauncey Billups, Rocco Baldelli, Jason Bergmann, Van Hansis, and Cade Cunningham.

What does it say about Emerald Square that a herd of bulls at a carnival there couldn’t get out of the place fast enough?

‘Mirror in the Slideshow ‘ sounds like a Taylor Swift album title.

Tatum gets shit on for everything he does but tattooing a picture of yourself onto your back is wild.

One cheer for the 2024 Red Sox for refusing to quit now despite having previously quit a whole bunch of times.

On Saturday, September 28 only, Red Line Braintree Branch diversion will be expanded to include Ashmont Branch. This allows crews to take advantage of construction equipment in the area to remove a speed restriction on Ashmont Branch.

Should I invest in one entity that historically has never lost money or should I invest in the other entity that has rehab programs akin to alcoholism and drug abuse?

Looks like Mercury Morris’s perfect record of being alive is finally over.

Local 26 Hotel Workers putting on a good display outside the Omni Hotel the last couple days. They’ve had people holding the line overnight. Love a good picket line.

Oh no, Old Friend Trent Brown strained his left fat.

Minority position, I know, but Tanner Houck needs a pitch count like a turtle needs a microphone. In the last two years he has been taken out of countless games when he was pitching great. What he needs is a manager who will tell him “Keep pitching; you’re doing great.”

I’m sorry, Jey Uso is popular, but he isn’t Jeff Hardy popular.

“Wheel of Fortune” puzzles went from ‘Alice In Wonderland’ to ‘Say homes, how’s it hangin’, bruh?’.

You’re right, Bill Belichick sucks. Let the fat fucking deli loser handle things.

Bulletin, Bulletin, Bulletin!!! The semi-functional Shohei Ohtani is piling on. He now is 6/6 with 3 HR, 2 SB and 10 RBI.
We’re not worthy.

Hey gang of the marginally employed, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, ‘Settle down, you fat retard, and go get Adam Jones his Ensure.”

I’m following Depeche Mode on Twittah. Not sure when that happened.

Darnold appears to have escaped an initial injury scare. Massive collective sigh of relief from the 612.

Reiss is only 5’2″–are we sure he can carry that much water?

Fun fact: Today has exactly 12 hours of daylight.

Make a wish baby
Well and I will make it come true
Make a list baby
Of the things I’ll do for you
Ain’t no risk now
In lettin’ my love rain down on you
So we could wash away the past
So that we may start anew…

O’Brien and Youk talking endlessly about hot dogs? Make it stop.

Jrue might also have a tattoo of himself on his back. But how would we know?

Honk if you remember Miss Jean.

Dickie V has so much radiation in him they should call him Chernobyl.

Those Emerald Square bulls were five years too late to ransack the Skycrepers kitchen.

THE BUTCHIE isn’t real and cannot hurt you.

Have we lost perspective on what torn cartilage in your rib cage must feel like?

With the loss of the Athletics, there will be even less there there in Oakland as there was previous.

News Item: Brad Marchand has shed his red noncontact jersey for Bruins practice.

The Padres are the first team in MLB history to turn a triple play to end a game on the day they clinched a postseason berth. Only in baseball, Danny.

Rescue: Hi Surf cancelled yet?

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox do not win eight in a row and get right back in it.

“So, uh, how bout those bulls in ah, North Attleboro? Didja see that? That chain link fence was more porous, no, er, it was less effective in stopping, erk, them than the Patriots O-Line! Ha. Speaking of steers, try the teriyaki beef skewers. My son is a Marine.“

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Pick Up The Pieces.

And a happy Birthday to actress Heather Locklear.

Football Cat’s Week 3 NFL Picks ’24

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Mistakes were made.

Yeah, I know. Even the clamdicappers were laughing at how terrible my picks were last week. I probably would have told you the Pats were going to cover the spread versus the Planes Thursday. What can I say? It was a very tough week to be a cat. Plus, I only got 19 hours of sleep the day before. On to this week…

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Giants at Browns (-6.5)
If YOU think some Giants are going to waltz into Elf Land and come away victorious, then I’ve got some magic beans to sell you.

Bears at Colts (-1.5)
Colts clobber Caleb.

Alliteration! Awesome!

Texans (-2) at Vikings
Sam Darnold will be seeing ghosts and stars after this one.

Eagles at Saints (-2.5)
American birds can’t win on American soil. They should keep flying South.

Chargers at Steelers (-1.5)
One Har-bro can beat all your Primanti Bros put together.

French fries and cole slaw INSIDE the sandwich!?!

Broncos at Buccaneers (-6.5)
Fun fact: Bo Nix has the shortest full first and last name combo in NFL history. Hopefully that will assuage his grief after yet another loss.

Packers at Titans (-2.5)
Pack men gobble up tits.

SUNDAY DINNERTIME
Panthers at Raiders (-5)
Black cats ride the Red Rocket to victory!

firework noises!

Dolphins at Seahawks (-4.5)
Fake Sea Birds drop Coach Drip’s Dolphins.

Lions (-3) at Cardinals
Jungle Kings don’t even both trying to find the pretty Red Birds kneecaps, they just devour them whole. A little shakin’, a little tenderizin’ and down they go.

Ravens (-1) at Cowboys
Scary Black Birds open a can of whoop ass at Jerry’s World.

49ers (-6.5) at Rams
Brock Purrrrdy continues to make everyone forget about the worst trade in NFL history.

SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Chiefs (-3) at Falcons
Every fan in attendance gets two bags of chips, two hot dogs and unlimited drink refills. Which is good because they aren’t getting a win.

MONDAY PRE-PROWLTIME
Jaguars at Bills (-5)
Someone needs to ask Trevor who he is tanking for.

WHO ARE YOU TANKING FOR???

MONDAY PROWLTIME ACTUAL

Commanders at Bengals (-7.5)

Stripey cats get off the schneid on their own schedule, very feline of them.

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

The BBQ Sundae at the Big E was too much even for me.

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