Tag Archives: sports

9/11/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

“You don’t leak to Van Natta about me; I leak to Van Natta about YOU!”

But did it feeeel like a win? Not so sure.

Tyreek Hill’s ongoing audition for a future season of ‘American Sports Story’ is going great.

You know it’s a big game when you hear the smooth sound of Noah Eagle.

I envy how comfortable Steve Perrault always looks.

The Hall could probably be persuaded to put Robert in if he’d end his rhetoric.

I can’t believe Clay Travis hired the Super 70’s Sports guy. Ok, I can.

People say there aren’t enough black baseball players anymore. They’re all on the TBS pregame show.

I’d like the captains patches more if they were the colors of the team. Why the same colors for all NFL teams? Patriots should be blue, red, silver, white…no yellow.

Is the Boston PWHL team named Fleet because of the building contractors?

Cakes are cooking for Brian DePalma, Lola Falana, Mickey Hart, Amy Madigan, Tommy Shaw, Jeff Sluman, Don Slaught, Scott Patterson, Robert Wren, Elizabeth Daily, Virginia Madsen, Kristy McNichol, Ellis Burks, Victor Wooten, Graeme Obree, Moby, Harry Connick, Jr, Maria Bartiromo, Taraji P. Henson, Mack Strong, Richard Ashcroft, Shelton Quarles, Jon Buckland, Ludacris, Ed Reed, Jacoby Ellsbury, Elizabeth Henstridge, and Tyler Hoechlin.

Diana Ross – Upside Down >> all the songs that sampled it.

Just remember, if Mayo turns out to be a good coach it’s because Robert Kraft saw something in him. If he turns out to be a bad coach, look to the coaching tree.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

I must hear something described as “the elephant in the room” twice a week. That’s 100 elephants in the room. How many elephants can you really fit in a room do you think?

Getting a microphone tattoo is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. Might as well wear a shirt that says, “ask me about being in sports.”

Hey gang with a benevolence association, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “redirected to the ground.”

The only snakes I know of are those of Set and his cursed towers. Their evil has spread to every city. Two or three years ago it was just another snake cult, now…RIP James Earl Jones.

Agency news: KLUTCH Sports Group has acquired Ballengee Football, adding its agents including Rick Roberts, Martin Fischman and Don Weatherall and 20+ clients including Malik Nabers, Patrick Queen and Travis Etienne, to their emerging roster. This move follows the acquisitions of ROOF and Rep 1 Baseball earlier this year.

I’m home today playing Borderlands and I have to wonder…do the Vault Hunters have a Union?

Football isn’t my favorite sport but man, it really is the best-looking game on TV.

Weird fences make weird neighbors.

Why can’t Dave Grohl go the Shank route and pretend it never happened? Is it because people have a hard time believing two different women would go to bed with the CHB willingly?

In the timbers of Fennario,
The wolves are runnin’ ’round.
The winter was so hard and cold,
Froze ten feet ‘neath the ground.

Don’t murder me.
I beg of you, don’t murder me.
Please, don’t murder me.

I sat down to my supper.
‘Twas a bottle of red whisky.
I said my prayers and went to bed.
That’s the last they saw of me.

Since 1962 the Dodgers have won six NL MVP Awards. The New York Mets have won none. I’m kind of thinking maybe this should be the year?

Lucy Wrights, just winging it. ‘One Take Lucy’, they call her.

The frozen breakfast sandwich people must be in cahoots with the paper towel manufacturers.

The Red Sox are making a mockery of George Herman Fruith’s career!

The Echoes slept through their wake up call in South Bend.

Sarah Spain thinks Van Morrison was writing about b-holes in 1967?

I ain’t calling some other dude Swagu.

YouTube Belichick is great. But it raises the question, what did they do with the other half of Matt Patricia? Deep dive conversational format is actually what I think Brady would be better suited for than color analyst.

Honk if you remember Rod Rust’s hapless Patriots squad.

Man, both sides. Amirite?

YOU fell for the Al Horford retirement announcement hoax! You did! You did!

PSA: the new linkin park clips don’t sound weird because of her singing, they sound weird because all the songs are in new (higher) keys. For sure a factor that should have been considered, but I think she sounds pretty good and now a bunch of young fans get to see them

WooSox manager Chad Tracy said that Mickey Gasper tweaked his back packing up his things after being optioned from Boston back to Worcester.

Won’t someone please think about the Sports Hub producers who were heartlessly let go? No? Okay.

John Tomase. Writing about the Patriots. NBCS Boston doesn’t get nearly the hate they should.

Red Sox refuse to die. But also refuse to put together a winning streak.

Best bet for the weekend: Trust falls in Foxboro before the breakout session.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Miserable Fellow and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Kind of a drag.

And happy birthday to local gal done good singer/songwriter Kay Hanley.

Jerod Mayo: The Emerging Leader Patriots Fans Always Needed

By A.I. Bot Breer:

Foxborough, MA – In a month where the New England Patriots have made headlines with roster shuffles and preseason preparations, one figure has remained a constant in the eyes of the team and its fans: Jerod Mayo. The former linebacker turned coach continues to evolve into a leadership role that many now believe is poised to become more than just defensive coordination — it’s a head coach in waiting. It’s no secret that Bill Belichick has long been grooming Mayo for greater things. Patriots media releases this past month have emphasized Mayo’s involvement not only in defensive schematics but in shaping the entire team’s culture. More than once, Belichick has praised his former Pro Bowler’s football acumen, referring to him as “one of the sharpest minds” to come through the Patriots’ system. But what’s been equally telling is the way Mayo carries himself in the locker room, stepping into a role that goes beyond X’s and O’s.

A Natural Leader

Patriots fans remember Mayo for his tenacity on the field, his ability to dissect offenses as if he were already coaching. Now, as a coach, his instincts are proving even more valuable. Media releases over the past month have highlighted Mayo’s increasing presence during practice, not just with the defense but across the entire roster. In one report, Mayo was seen working closely with young quarterbacks, helping them understand defensive coverages, showing his breadth of knowledge on both sides of the ball. This is where Mayo’s leadership shines. He’s not just building a defense — he’s building a football team. And that’s exactly what this Patriots squad needs in a season filled with question marks. At 37, Mayo is still relatively young by coaching standards, but his command of the locker room is undeniable. According to sources close to the team, players gravitate toward him in a way that reflects both respect and admiration. He’s part strategist, part motivator, and entirely a team-first guy.

The Belichick Blueprint

What makes Mayo’s rise so exciting for Patriots fans is the undeniable parallels to his mentor, Bill Belichick. Like Belichick, Mayo has a meticulous approach to the game. He’s known for breaking down film until the early hours of the morning, and it shows on the practice field. In the latest media release, Patriots personnel commented on how Mayo has taken on more responsibilities, particularly in developing game plans and overseeing all three phases of the game — not just the defense. The Belichick coaching tree is extensive, but few have had the opportunity to learn directly under the greatest coach of all time while playing and coaching. It’s this dual experience that separates Mayo. The Patriots are known for cultivating homegrown talent, and in many ways, Mayo is the epitome of that philosophy.

Subtle.

What’s Next?

So, what does the future hold for Jerod Mayo? It’s not a stretch to say that many around the league view him as a head coach in waiting. With Belichick’s career winding down, Mayo has increasingly become the face of the future in New England. And if the Patriots’ latest media releases are any indication, it’s a future that’s bright. In one interview last week, when asked about his ambitions, Mayo was predictably modest: “I’m just focused on helping this team win games.” But ask anyone in the Patriots organization, and they’ll tell you Mayo’s impact is already evident — and it’s just the beginning.

North Star!

Note: Old Friend ‘Uncle Gizmo’ took a cue from the latest Entitled Town podcast. He input into ChatGPT: “I’d like to create a story in the current style of Albert Breer. It would be a glowing story about New England Patriots coach Jerod Mayo and would use as it’s base Patriots media releases for the last month.” The result is what you see above.

9/4/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Eagles!

Our long national nightmare of Katie Nolan not being on TV is over.

The Seminoles got wicked Sturrowed! #lol

Jarren Duran being the only guy to not tap out is quite the 180 from two years ago.

Jerod sooo wanted to wear a C as a player.

Johnny Gaudreau seemed to be too nice a guy to have gone to BC. Very sad.

My fantasy football draft strategy? Just vibes.

Cakes are cooking for Ken Harrelson, Ray Floyd, Tom Watson, Martin Chambers, Blackie Lawless, Khandi Alexander, George Hurley, Damon Wayans, John Vanbiesbrouck, Tomas Sandström, Mike Piazza, Ione Skye, Wes Bentley, Pat Neshek, Beyoncé, Hildur Guðnadóttir, Kaillie Humphries, and Olha Kharlan.

Additionally, Brother John Irons is also entitled to a cake today.

Red Line Reminder: September 6-29 No Train service between JFK/UMass and Braintree due to track work. Commuter Rail alternatives are available. Shuttle buses will not service JFK/UMass.

What made you think Jaylen got hacked? Weird tweets?

Hard to believe a health nut like (checks notes) Fatman Scoop just collapsed like that. RIP.

I need to know who the IU and Purdue are of the ACC.

The most effective fly swatter I have ever tried is a rolled-up bath towel. The hitting surface is like ten times larger than fly swatter, and it tends to stun them without smashing them and creating little blood spots.

Do you guys remember how fun it used to be to ask questions?

Hey gang of accountability experts! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “a frustrated Rafael Devers sat with a bat for about 40 minutes staring into his locker.”

Triston Casas exists within a vibe and the vibeless cannot stand him for it.

Who is your personal favorite San Diego Padres prospect who never really made it? Someone who never reached Majors or never got much opportunity to play. I’ll go with Dennis Tankersley. So close to Eck! Had to root for him. But he did nothing to earn more opportunity.

Every time Joe Furey is on TV it seems like the first time ever.

Maybe the racially ambiguous bull dykes shouldn’t goon up on the nice white lady? Just a thought.

Brian Kelly looks like a general contractor that’s always bringing you bad news.

Count me among the Tiafoe fans. Love the way he plays tennis.

Sometimes, in a quiet moment, I’ll be listening to the cicadas, and I’ll get lost in thought and remember that the Boston Celtics won the 2024 NBA Finals and have the most titles in NBA history.

Now look at the people
In the streets, in the bars
We are all of us in the gutter
Some of us are looking at the stars
Look ’round the room
Life is unkind
We fall but we keep gettin’ up
Over and over and over…

Me and you, every night, every day.
We’ll be together always this way.
Your eyes are blue like the heavens above.
Talk to me darlin’, with a message of love.

Denver Broncos and two-time Pro-Bowl CB Patrick Surtain ll reached agreement today on a four-year, $96 million extension that includes $77.5 million guaranteed, now making him the highest-paid defensive back in NFL history. Tory Dandy of CAA negotiated the deal.

Katie Nolan won’t stop until she’s fired from every sports outlet in North America.

Franklin Park Zoo lights: Super cool.

The current condition of Ponkapoag must have Donald Ross rolling around in his grave.

Taylor Mathis doesn’t realize she could walk around reading the ingredients for raisins and her followers would not give a hoot. Not one hoot.

Honk if you remember Tom Tupa scoring the first 2-point conversion in NFL history.

Oh yeah, Chris Gasper. There’s your answer.

News Item: Former Patriots wide receiver Danny Amendola joining ‘Dancing with the Stars.’

When selling a home, I tell all my clients, “Hide your Fluff.”

Except for hockey, the C on the jersey always triggers me. It was so lame when Varitek wore it, and the NFL gays it up another level with the stars, always loved that Bill wouldn’t allow it. It’s just another reminder how the Kraft’s are hellbent on distancing themselves from the greatest coach of all time. Complete loser asshole behavior.

Chris Sale was doing his best impression of Eric Idle in European Vacation last year and now he’s pitching like a gentile Koufax.

Best bet for the weekend: Tennessee Volunteer Charles Davis handling Tennessee Volunteer Jerod Mayo with kid gloves during Sunday’s broadcast.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Lebron and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Message of love.

Bianca is looking forward to the fall weather.

8/21/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Not for much longer.

Did Mayor Wu ever get that meeting with Jarren Duran?

Crazy that Andy Hart’s kid is pulling in his dad’s biweekly salary in a single weekend.

Happy Hour’s overdue return to the Commonweath shot down yet again? Another W for the Puritans.

A certain percentage of fans are going to treat WAR as a reliable estimate of a player’s value, no matter how obvious it is that it is wrong.

Adam 12, Deathcat Holley. Deathcat Holley, Adam 12.

The International Olympic Committee wants Jordan’s Chiles bronze medal back? Molṑn labé.

Veronica Burton…TD Garden, ten minutes court time, two rebounds, one assist. Zero points on 0 for 4 shooting…your thoughts?

I’m going to give Bedard the benefit of the doubt. It’s clear he meant to say, “Nip Cage is a goof.”

Cakes are cooking for Archie Griffin, Kim Cattrall, Kim Sledge, Jim McMahon, Carrie-Anne Moss, Josee Chouinard, Craig Counsell, Alicia Witt, Jason Marquis, Kelis Rogers-Jones, BJ Upton, Eve Torres, Laura Haddock, Usain Bolt, Kacey Musgraves, Hayden Panettiere, and Bo Burnham.

Love the idea that talking gambling while bouncing your your titties is some sort of intellectual property that needs protecting.

Hey gang of deck chair rearrangers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I don’t need to know anything about the radio losers’ lifestyles.”

I’m sure Bloomberg’s AM signal is already one of the 14 stations beating Jones and MegO, but will they really have more listeners than good old American rock n roll?

‘Keep off the moors and stick to the roads’ was the best advice I ever got in life.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Angel Reese has officially signed a sponsorship deal with Reese’s. Her first “Reese’s Pieces” apparel collection launches today.

Mayo’s “I have impostor syndrome” article from 2021 is a “boy did I outkick my coverage, hahaha!” humblebrag.

A “blend of lifestyle entertainment?” That should give Joansie the ratings he got at The Sports Hub with F&M as his lead-in.

I don’t care how many times you email me about it, I do not want two free weeks of Uber One.

If I’m Michelle Wu, I’m demanding a sit-down with Eliot Wolf right now.

Just saw a Dairy Queen commercial where they’re eating the Blizzards at home. Unless you live right next to the DQ this is a bad idea they melt fast in transit.

A fan with very poor sense of humor yelled “You need a tennis racket” with Duran at the plate Friday. Comedic value? 0 out of 10.

Fun Fact: Everett is not in Boston.

Spencer Torkelson would be a great name for a Professor of Paleontology. That is all.

Lifestyle and entertainment? What’s Keefe gonna do, talk about his Funko Pop collection?

Naming a cat Dr. Doom is great. But it’s especially great when the vet tech announces “Dr. Doom?” in a waiting room.

I only do my banking at Char­gogg­a­gogg­man­chaugg­a­gogg­chau­bun­a­gung­a­maugg Bank.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
No, not just for some, but for everyone.

Lord, we don’t need another meadow.
There are cornfields and wheat fields
Enough to grow.
There are sunbeams and moonbeams
Enough to shine.
Oh listen Lord, if you want to know.

Frogger is an interesting game because at the highest level of play it’s possible to reach a board that’s not solvable, ending your game. It’s not a true kill screen, however, because with proper strategy that scenario can be avoided.

Two deep throws so far, two completions from Jordan Love to Romeo Doubs. The connection is real and has the potential to be spectacular.

Pochettino? Sounds delicious! Is it something a gaucho chuckwagon makes?

Honk if you remember Rick & Paul Reuschel becoming the first brothers to pitch a combined shut out.

The Pope doesn’t even have a rain gauge in the Vatican FFS.

I know more than a few people who would consider a standard big watermelon to be ‘personal sized.’

Golf swings and fantasy zings: Steve is a pop culture poster!

Oh sure, MegO, she’s obviously the problem. The least-smarmy of the three hosts.

The right Jennifer is out there for you Ben Affleck! Probably.

Maybe making someone other than a sullen, unpatriotic, cigar store Indian-looking player the face of the WNBA was a good thing.

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox hang tough.

Shu’s angry TikTok thumbnails all look like the last thing Tony Mazz sees before someone steals his car.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Gresh? Fauria?

And happy birthday to Czech tennis player Karolína Muchová.

7/31/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Going great.

The Sox tapping out every year immediately after the All-Star game is so weird.

Matthew Judon sat on a trash can watching pass-rushers practice? Doesn’t he know they put a PlayStation in the locker room??

“It’s not based on The Last Supper, but rather on an obscure Dutch painting from the 17th century!” has real, “We didn’t name our candy bar after the most famous baseball player in America in 1920, but after the dead daughter of a former President!” energy.

There’s a macabre subset of Celtics Twitter that loves talking about how long Len Bias and Reggie Lewis have been dead.

El Prez can’t claim the child tax credit for his girlfriend?

The US men’s basketball team and the US women’s beach volleyball team are both wearing long spandex pants. Disapprove!

Cakes are cooking for Gerry Philbin, Sab Shimono, Bill Weld, Barry Van Dyke, Evonne Goolagong Cawley, Alan Autry, Michael Biehn, Bill Berry, Mark Cuban, Dale Hunter, Sandra Hodge, Wesley Snipes, Fatboy Slim, J.K. Rowling, Andre Ware, Chris Weinke, Jonathan Ogden, Tim Couch, Zac Brown, B.J. Novak, DeMarcus Ware, Evgeni Malkin, and Kyle Larson.

Here’s the thing: There’s only so many plays one can run on offense in team handball.

@Dart_Adams Donna Summer: from Dorchester or Mission Hill? Always thought Dot but heard/read MH somewhere.

Hey gang of Volvik users, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Are you fucking Caleb Williams?”

Why does Steve Kerr hate Tyrese Halliburton?

Green Line Update: Regular service has resumed between Heath Street and Brigham Circle.

What a stupid ritual wakes are. Gonna kneel in front of this rotting corpse filled with formaldehyde and pray to an old guy in the sky. Totally normal! Free Jacks won their playoff game.

Overheard at #The15 water cooler: “Dude, this gash football game is kinda tense!”

Great to see Dorchester gal Ayo Edebiri kicking ass onscreen with Robert Townsend in S3 of “The Bear”, 37 years after his iconic movie Hollywood Shuffle.

Oh good; water polo has VAR too.

The Call Her Daddy whore should ask Simone if the trainer made her squirt.

Next Olympics: Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Oh wow, Don Orsillo called a Padres no-hitter? I’m sure he’ll never tell us about it.

Anyone know the medal count?

We got on the ol’ Ouija Board to try and contact the restless spirit of Red Sox Poet Laureate Dick Flavin to see if he’d honor us with a timely poem. Here’s what we got:

“Detox Day is a movable feast,

When you need it the most or need it the least.

When your mouth is so dry you can’t even spit,

Or when your overtaxed liver is ready to quit.

Those will be days are the, the days..”

It goes on and on like that.

Duquette’s dumbest idea, that Karen Read is innocent or Wilfredo Cordero?

That can only mean Theo Epstein will be the one to come in and actually free Karen.

And the train conductor says,
Take a break, Driver 8.
Driver 8, take a break,
We can reach our destination.
But we’re still a ways away, but it’s still a ways away.
But we’re still a ways away, but it’s still a ways away.

A way to shield the hated heat.
A way to put myself to sleep.
A way to shield the hated heat.
A way to put myself, my children to sleep.

Savannah Guthrie always has a look on her face like she just asked, ‘You want to put what where?’

The US women’s gymnastics team is like a Benetton ad.

Tatum getting stapled to the bench was the worst act of terrorism ever involving a member of the Kerr family.

Yes, Ma: I heard about the deli meat recall.

TITTPT.

The Patriots reward another one of their own: The team and Davon Godchaux have agreed to a two-year extension worth up to $21M with $16.5M guaranteed. The deal was done by Drew Rosenhaus, Jason Rosenhaus and Ryan Matha.

Wait, there’s men’s field hockey?

RB Aaron Jones should have plenty of opportunities earlier for Minnesota.

Honk if you remember Jimmer Fredette.

Has there ever been a team like the 2024 Yankees before? I’ve never seen one. It’s like Maris and Mantle were traded to the 1962 Mets.

Hey guys, that’s Lenny DiNardo! *blank stares*

Try harder to make us like you Coach Mayo. It’s going to happen. Soon.

That Aussie RugbyRoo Sevens gal almost ran down Spiff Cedrick like Ben Watson did Champ Bailey.

My grade on the Revs trade? Um, incomplete?

Imagine having a problem with Simone Biles. (Gerry Callahan not eligible)

Tough loss, Renegades.

Best bet for the weekend: Judon gets neither a bag or his flowers.

Le Festin des Dieux – Jan van Bijlert OK, I can kinda see it.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Citius, Altius, Fortius – Communiter.

And happy birthday to American model Chandra North.

7/24/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Camp. For Training.

Has Coach Mayo used “Optum” as an adjective yet?

Kenley Jansen has an irregular heartbeat? What a coincidence; so do I, when I see him come in from the bullpen! Bwahahahaha!

Sam Hauser, getting paid like he owns a suburban daycare center.

Coors Field features two of my favorite Stupid Cool Things in baseball: The forest in center field, and the row of purple seats to denote one mile above sea level.

Imagine going to Duluth and your first thought is to ask Big Gym about it.

Can’t help but be distracted by a TBS game broadcast using a TNT Sports graphics package.

Aaron Rodgers, reporting for duty on reporting day.

Cakes are cooking for Ruth Buzzi, Bob Lily, Dan Hedaya, Robert Hays, Michael Richards, Lynda Carter, Gus Van Sant, Steve Grogan, Robbie Grey, Paul Geary, Julie Krone, Karl Malone, Barry Bonds*, Nick Nurse, Kristin Chenoweth, Jennifer Lopez, Rick Fox, Patty Jenkins, Danny Dyer, José Valverde, Rose Byrne, Valerio Scassellati, Summer Glau, Anna Paquin, Elisabeth Moss, Patrice Bergeron, and Kyle Kuzma.

Orange Line: Trains may travel at reduced speeds or stand by at stations while maintenance personnel conduct track inspections. Then again, they may not.

Am I un-American if I was rooting for South Sudan?

Been saying Bolt is the most dominant athlete for a long time now…..put some respect on Usain Bolt name.

I don’t think anybody under 40 can throw a frisbee.

Kirk Herbstreit announces new show featuring his dog Ben? The seize and decyst from Mina Kimes and Lenny is on the way! Woof.

Hammer dulcimer!

The multipart BET “Rap City” docuseries was a slap in the face to its longtime viewers. It covered almost NOTHING about why “Rap City” was groundbreaking, essential, or necessary from its inception on August 11th, 1989. I’ll write about it because I remember damb near everything!

I ain’t calling some other grown man ‘McLovin.’

Don’t you just love the pomp and pageantry of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, Craig? I really do.

OK, trust falls, then the breakout sesh!

Gees, the COVID bubble champs regardless of the sport are sensi and salty.

Poor people always find time to fuck.

Hearing whispers Jonathan Jones had a nice first day of camp. He finished with two pass breakups.

Your New England Free Jacks need a win Saturday to reach the MLR Finals!

The 1901 Detroit Tigers had only one regular or near-regular player who went by and is listed today by his actual first name or a common derivative of that. No less than 3 of their regulars went by the monicker “Kid”. The others were called “Sport”, “Ducky”, “Doc”, “Pop” and “Fritz.”

Moving forward, using all my breath.
Making love to you was never second best.
I saw the world crashing all around your face.
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace.

I’ll stop the world and melt with you.
You’ve seen the difference, and it’s getting better all the time.
There’s nothing you and I won’t do.
I’ll stop the world and melt with you.

Summer in Boston meant the TV lineup changed. Suddenly, channel 25 added “The Monkees” to the lineup & channel 66 added “Gidget” starring a young Sally Field. Next came the “Creature Double Feature”, “Kung Fu Theater” & Frankie Avalon/Annette Funicello film marathons all Summer.

I made over 100 grand working construction every year Biden was President.

Am I supposed to root against the US Olympic Team because MLS doesn’t have promotion and relegation?

Not even a mention of Klobuchar as a potential VP pick. But that aint a problem for us Klob Slobs, we’re patient folk.

Jerod Mayo is going to re-injure something with all the false hustle he’s putting out.

Honk if you remember the Pine Tar Game.

Was just thinking the other day it’s been forever since I saw a frog in my yard and then yesterday, boom! A tree frog out on the porch. Nature, uh, finds a way.

Commander Biden tried to warn us about the Secret Service.

Going to miss seeing that tall girl play the Olympic 3 on 3 basketball.

Jackie Connors. Now an Eternal Eagle. RIP.

The Sports Junk Drawer turned into MSNBC so gradually no one even noticed. #LeanForward

Best bet for the weekend: Red Sox determine whether they will be buyers or sellers at the MLB trade deadline.

Zesty drip! Mothers, lock up your daughters!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Here comes the night.

BdlG in Gucci, which is not an official sponsor of the 2024 Paris Olympic Games.

7/18/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Jarren Duran. Si, mas!

Kysre?

Are you now a member of the Patriots coaching staff? Are you sure? Check your emails.

The MLB ASG was very Red Sox intensive. As it should be.

Doubtless everyone in Jamaica Plain was rooting for the Fila-sponsored Barbora Krejcikova, to win Wimbledon, right?

If you can’t use a hammer correctly, sailing might not be your thing either.

MLB Draft: 9 of the first 21 players selected in the first round are Black players. #Diversity

Spaniards must be partying like it’s 1799 with the Euro Cup win and Alcaraz as the Wimbledon Men’s champ.

Ingrid Andress is going to rehab? This is going to ruin the tour.

Bedtime at 8:30 is delightful, sorree!

Cakes are cooking for Dick Button, Tenley Albright, Paul Verhoeven, Dion DiMucci, Joe Torre, Craig Fuller, Richard Branson, Nick Faldo, Elizabeth McGovern, Wendy Williams, Dan O’Brien, Vin Deisel, Anfernee Hardaway, Bruce Walker, Torii Hunter, Elsa Pataky, Ben Sheets, Dion Branch, Kristin Bell, Priyanka Chopra, and Canelo Alvarez.

Fun Fact: ‘Kysre’ is pronounced. ‘kaiser!’

Watching some Nets/Cavs from 1993 and Paolo Banchero reminds me so much of Derrick Coleman.

My grass is so brown Gerry Callahan is throwing rocks at it.

Tough loss at Wimbledon, but at least Jasmine Paolini now gets to go back to The Shire and marry Sam Gamgee.

Three monocle emojis can sometimes mean, ‘I’m happy for my Celtics teammate’, right?

Green Line B and C branch trains are currently terminating at Park Street due to a track problem at Government Center. For service to Boston College or Cleveland Circle from Government Center, board any train and switch at Park Street.

Greg Dickerson: “Is it bad that I’m insanely jealous of the hawk tuah girl? I just want fame and fortune for living life with no talent.” Sad!

Does Dave O’Brien even like his job? Guy should be conducting estate sales.

Red Sox drafted David Ortiz’s son, D’Angelo, in the 19th round. The Yankees will literally never know peace.

My “for you” tab is all fight vids and videos of animals you wouldn’t think would be friends, but are.

Jeff Howe thinks Dickie V. should stop showboating.

Hey gang of insecure phenoms! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m not afraid of you or your resources.”

BattleBots!

Uh, Dakota Fannings breakout role was in I Am Sam, 3 roles before Man on Fire.

Looking at Shakira is always a treat but once again who asks for music at a sporting event?

No better way to prove you’re definitely not jealous or bothered by criticism than to make another tweet about it a day later.

This Week’s Bill Simmons Mad Libs: “Is Jamie Lee Curtis the Eli Manning of her generation?”

Anybody with the last Campbell is called Soupy or Soup.

Jarren Duran joins Yaz, Roger, Pedro, and JD Drew as Red Sox All Star Game MVP winners.

Chanting at sporting events is like verbally holding hands with other guys.

Two absolutely fantastic rookie pitchers this year, Skenes and Miller. When was the last time we had two rookies like that in one year?

I can see why you think you belong to me.
I never tried to make you think or let you see
one thing for yourself.
But now you’re off with someone else and I’m alone.
You see I thought that I might keep you for my own.

Amie, what you wanna do?
I think I could stay with you,
For a while, maybe longer if I do.

News Item: Bill Belichick to join the cast of The CW’s ‘Inside the NFL’ The CW still exists? Is it on after ‘Gossip Girl?’

Bro, you need to get to Comerica.

What happens if you say ‘Klutch Sports Group’ five times in a mirror?

I’ve seen D’Angelo Ortiz play a few times. Good approach, works the count. Table-setter at Miami Dade. Smart player, too. He worked hard and played two years of juco. Nothing glamorous there, just bus rides and ball.

What a bizarre culture we’ve created where the third wheel on a hockey podcast feels the need to tell us he’s laying off the benzos.

Honk if you remembered to watch the ESPY’s.

Gaylord Perry would have liked that ‘Hawk Tuah’ gal.

Well at least the fans from the South American countries didn’t live down to stereotypes and low expectations in the Copa.

Third Eye Blind can pack ’em in at Great Woods and 50 Cent can’t? We truly live in an odd odd time in history.

Kayla Burton, Steve’s kid, NBC Sports Boston. Your thoughts?

Hillbilly Elegy is a prime day deal $7.45. I Am due for a next book to read and heard it was good.

Aloha means ‘goodbye.’ Aloha, Gregg Berhalter.

Now you can’t stream to Twitter unless you’re a “Premium Member?” Thanks for making it tougher to survive as a content creator, Elon.

Best bet for the weekend: high drama at Royal Troon.

Jaylen. Kysre. Cute couple of hoopers.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Modified limited hiatus?

And happy birthday to pale British actress Kelly Reilly.

Still Even More Little-Known Beantown (and Foxborough) Sports Facts!

Note: Patrick Scartelli has taken this week off from Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer. In his place is an excerpt from good friend of The15net dot com, sportswriter Mr. Stanislas Tecumseh Darden, Jr., with an excerpt from his book, ‘406 Little-Known Beantown (& Foxborough) Sports Facts!’

Boston Celtics GM Danny Ainge traded the first overall pick in the 2017 NBA Draft to Philadelphia for their third overall pick, and selected Jayson Tatum!

John Bucyk scored 545 goals as a member of the Boston Bruins!

The city of Boston has never hosted an Olympic Games!

Boston Red Sox center fielder Dom DiMaggio’s brothers Vincent and Joseph also played baseball professionally!

Former Bruins player Gregory Campbell’s nickname was and is ‘Soupy!’

Celtics mascot Lucky doesn’t take cabs!

During a 1961 game between the then-Boston Patriots and the then-Dallas Texans, a fan in a trench coat went into the end zone to bat down a potential game-winning pass!

From 1947 until 1999, no advertisements could be found on Fenway Park’s Green Monster!

In 1970, Robert Gordon Orr won the Norris, Art Ross, Conn Smythe, and the Hart Trophy, becoming the only player to win all four awards during the same season!

Dick Flavin is an American poet known as the “poet laureate of the Boston Red Sox!”

Boston Garden was the first arena to host the Stanley Cup Final and NBA Finals at the same time in 1957!

Coachmen love The Head of the Charles Regatta!

On Mother’s Day of 2007, the Red Sox erased a 5-run deficit in the bottom of the 9th inning, winning 6-5!

After losing the Snow Bowl playoff game in Foxboro to the Patriots, the Oakland Raiders reached the Super Bowl the very next season, and lost that game as well, 21-48! Quit whining about the officiating, losers!

Fenway Park has not hosted an All-Star Game since 1999!

The Boston Bruins were founded in 1924!

When Ted Williams played the final game of his career at Fenway Park on September 28, 1960, there were only 10,454 people in the stands, much fewer than the total number of people who would later claim to have been there!

The Boston College Eagles were charter members of the original Big East Conference!

There is no longer a GameStop location in Patriot Place!

Late Celtics star Reggie Lewis played his college ball in Boston as well, for Northeastern University!

David ‘Big Papi’ Ortiz has an Identical Best Friend, named Sixto!

The USS Constitution “Old Ironsides,” like many Navy vessels fields a baseball team!

Nina Kuscsik was the first woman to officially win the Boston Marathon, which occurred in 1972!

The Bruins were the first NHL team to own a Zamboni and also the first NHL team to get rid of Zamboni, TD Garden have used Olympia Ice Resurfacers since 2015!

During his pro wrestling career, Pete Doherty, The Duke of Dorchester defeated Fred Marzino 28 times with no wins scored by Marzino!

Schaefer Stadium was originally built in Mexico as a soccer venue for the 1970 World Cup, and was purchased at discount by the Sullivan family, disassembled, transported stateside, and rebuilt in Foxboro!

The original Boston Garden opened in 1928 as ‘Boston Madison Square Garden!’

The Patriots record during Upton Bell’s tenure as GM was 9-19!

Former Red Sox skipper Walpole Joe Morgan meets broadcaster Joe Morgan every few months for lunch to exchange misaddressed fan mail!

Follow Mr. Darden at @StdSportswriter on Twitter.

books

TO’s & Threes – NBA Column: Why It Is Hard to Repeat

By Vinny Jace, Special to the15net dot com:

Surveying the landscape, the ramifications of the second apron now in full effect; the restrictions and penalties are onerous and assist only the greediest and cheapest owners. Until circumstances change it is safe to assume dynasties are impossible. The last five champions are in variations of turmoil.

• The Los Angeles Lakers are shackled to LeBron and his various whims, are deep in the red and have no real avenue to contend in a younger, more talented western conference.
• Milwaukee could have won another title in the years 2019, 2020 and 2022 when the team around Giannis was younger and better. But Fred VanVleet had a baby, swung the east finals series for Toronto. Jimmy Butler emasculated Giannis in The Bubble. Khris Middleton got hurt and was never the same. Now they are capped out, fired a very good regular coach in Mike Budenholzer, are rudderless at the head coach position and only have 3 actual NBA players.
• All Golden State needed to do was hit one just ONE of their lottery picks from 2020 and 2021 they wouldn’t be in this mess. James Wiseman, Jonathan Kuminga and Moses Moody could have easily been LaMelo Ball (I am not faulting them for not trading down for Tyrese Haliburton, nobody else did it), Franz Wagner or Alperen Sengun. Then they probably are able to get Paul George or Lauri Markkanen this summer instead of staring at the abyss of wasting the rest of Steph Curry’s career.
• Denver should have repeated this past year, but as fate would have it blowing a 20-point lead in a home Game 7 was the toll price paid for last season’s success. Famously cheap owner Stan Kroenke let lynchpins Reggie Jackson and Kentavious Cardwell-Pope depart leaves Denver more vulnerable with an underwhelming bench and I’d go as far to say they have fallen a tier in my rankings.
• And then there’s the sweet, beautiful boys in green… Wyc Grousbeck announced his intentions to sell and we’ll wait for the details to come, but if he hands the keys off to someone like Tillman Fertitta then we have to worry about cost cutting measures because someone rich enough to buy a professional basketball team didn’t have deep enough pockets to pay for it’s roster.

The NBA has become the NFL. Strangling dynasties in their cradle, turning the window of contention into a revolving door. In reality the window for title contenders are usually two measly years. The Celtics fortunately held on to nearly everyone from the title team; we’re still waiting to hear about Oshae Brissett and if there are any ring chasers looking for a spot.

Wrong aprons.

The draconian rules of the second apron have set the NBA on the course for potentially becoming Major League Baseball, undermining the bargaining power of the players by instituting harsh penalties for spending too much. If a player feels he isn’t being respected at the negotiating table because the team doesn’t want to enter the second apron, then what if the other teams he goes to share that same fear? This is what we’ll see unfold in the near future.

In this new era it is arguably preferable for a team like the Clippers to let Paul George walk for nothing, because now nothing is something. Nothing is a mid-level exception you can use to sign a free agent. Nothing is some much needed financial wiggle room that takes you out of the deep red and into a light shade of orange. Los Angeles could have traded George to Golden State for a solid, young player like Jonathan Kuminga and veteran backup point guard Chris Paul and chose not to. If this was 10-years ago the Clippers would admit defeat and look to reposition their aging roster in an advantageous position to sell for parts, garnering assets along the way.

Right now the Celtics are paying over $547 million for their championship roster. Having made Jayson Tatum the richest player in league history; surpassing his teammate Jaylen Brown who achieved this honor last summer. Speaking of which, his supermax officially kicks in this upcoming season, Tatum’s will in 2025-26. They’re over $66 million over the cap, $15 million above the first apron and are $5 million above the second.

The penalties for crossing the second apron are both Byzantine and draconian:

No signing exceptions
Team becomes hard-capped at Second Apron by or can’t use/do:
• Using Tax MLE
• Aggregating two or more player salaries in a trade
• Sending out cash in trade
• Acquiring a player using a
TPÈ that was created via a previous sign-and-trade
• Can only:
• Re-sign own free agents
• Sign draft picks
• Sign players to minimum contracts
• Make trades where one player salary is sent out and equal or less salary comes back (can do a 1-for-2 or more trade

One doesn’t have to look to far to surmise the possible reason Wyc Grousbeck is selling his shares because when the bill comes due he wants no part of the aftermath and it’s not like pulling the plug now is an option. The Celtics are well worth their hefty salary and are poised to repeat in the minds of oddsmakers in Las Vegas. To preserve the runway now is to obliterate a proven near term future. Wyc will not do what Clay Bennett did to Oklahoma in 2012 and trade a star player just to duck the luxury tax.

However, when the Celtics do find themselves too far in the red it is safe to assume the ramifications will be ugly. This means potentially breaking up the Jays, either in a gut-wrenching trade where the Celtics pursue assets and cap relief rather than a “win-now” player, or a divorce similar to what Klay Thompson and the Warriors just went through. One side chasing another monumental pay day, and a withering dynasty consumed with apathy for one of its signature players.

But that’s all future Celtics problems. The hope I have is Wyc cares enough about the Celtics to not sell his shares in the immediate term and instead do it when the bill is coming due. It would be more profitable to sell now, give the team over to some cheap billionaire who’ll cry poor and in a year breaks the team down to spare parts. But maybe Wyc hangs on and lets Brad Stevens write the checks even if it decreases the value of the sale?

The pressure is on the Celtics, like it was this past season, to get the job done (again) and try to accomplish what would be the most impressive back-to-back championship in league history. There are plenty of reasons to assume it won’t happen, and a lot of them happen to be out of the Celtics control. This was the second straight playoffs where the championship team didn’t play a fifty-win team en route to the finals. Everything for the Celtics broke their way, and just like the 2015 Golden State Warriors made the most of their opportunities, you can expect the following playoffs to be more strenuous.

Of the last 9 teams to go back-to-back only one of them repeated with the same ease like they won in the first go-around.

1986-87 Lakers: 15-3

1987-88 Lakers: 15-9 (3 Game 7s!)

1988-89 Pistons: 15-2

1989-90 Pistons: 15-5

1990-91 Bulls: 15-2

1991-92 Bulls: 15-7

1993-1994 Rockets: 15-8

1994-1995 Rockets: 15-7

1995-96 Bulls: 15-3

1996-97 Bulls: 15-4

1999-00 Lakers: 15-8

2000-01 Lakers: 15-1

2008-09 Lakers: 16-7

2009-2010 Lakers: 16-7

2011-12 Heat: 16-7

2012-13 Heat: 16-7

2016-17 Warriors: 16-1

2017-18 Warriors: 16-5

⁃ 4 repeat champions where the difficulty on the back-half was comparable to the first part.
⁃ 1 repeat champion had an easier road to than the first time.
⁃ 4 repeat champions where the journey was harder on the back half.

We haven’t seen a repeat champion since Golden State. Every champion since fell into a decline two-years removed from their moment of triumph. Toronto nearly made the East Finals in 2020, then twiddled their thumbs as players like Kyle Lowry, Fred VanVleet and Pascal Siakam depreciated in value; Lowry and VanVleet leaving in free agency for nothing. The complacency bug bit their general manager Masai Ujiri.

LeBron’s Lakers won off the backs of two-way role players, and evidently he found that too boring and ordered the front office to go dumpster diving for the highest scoring free agent they could find. Trading Danny Green for Dennis Schroder when they already had Kentavious Cardwell-Pope as the creator on the second unit. Low-balling Alex Caruso. Trading KCP and Kyle Kuzma for Russell Westbrook. Then trading Westbrook for D’Angelo Russell, only to inexplicably hold on to him at the deadline when they could have netted an asset. The charade reached new highs when LeBron magnanimously offered to take a pay cut if Rob Pelinka could coax a star to join him in Los Angeles. Of course, they wasn’t possible given the short span of time. Los Angeles’ decline was self imposed.

But what of the newer generation of players who now made their way to the championship? Why hasn’t Giannis or Jokic returned to the winners circle? The answer could be winning the title doesn’t possess the same advantages it once did. You don’t get the LeBron 2013 season where he is freed from the shackles of scrutiny and the league officially becomes his. Instead, you’re expected to do it again with a bigger target painted on your back. The media becomes more vicious and wears them down. The Nuggets enjoyed a quiet rise to the top in 2023, later burdened by expectations and being treated as inevitable possesses an underrated threat to defending champions it did not before. Inevitability used to galvanize the favored team and demoralize the challenger, now the roles are reversed.

It is very possible we’ll see more additions to the “One and Done Club” due to the circumstances of the modern NBA.

The superstars in the One and Done Club list is:

• Dirk Nowitzki
• Julius Erving
• Moses Malone
• Rick Barry
• Elvin Hayes
• Wes Unseld
• Jerry West
• Nikola Jokic
• Giannis Antetkoumpo
• Jayson Tatum

Besides Dirk, before the beginning of the 2020s it was rare to win just one championship between the years 1988 and 2002. It used to be when you win the title once you’re going to do it again. Most of the One and Done champions came from the turbulent 1970s when team building was volatile due to strenuous contract negotiations, rampant egos and unpredictability. Only the Knicks and Celtics were allowed to peacefully decline. The Warriors fell because Rick Barry‘s petulance. The Blazers fell because of Walton’s poor feet and poor treatment of Maurice Lucas. The SuperSonics fell off because Dennis Johnson alienated the team during his contractual standoff. It would happen so suddenly too. The Warriors should have repeated in ‘76. The Blazers in ‘78.

Now the team that “should have” repeated loses in a more graceful, dignified manner. The short-handed Bucks fought the Celtics valiantly in ‘22. The Nuggets simply ran into a bad matchup in round two this year. Had nothing to do with egos or fisticuffs. Merely the grind becoming too much and the bottom giving out.

But this team “feels” different. The circumstances feel more favorable to Boston than in the past. The last eastern conference team to win the title was Milwaukee, the only reason they lost was because Middleton was injured. Many people picked them to repeat because the conference was viewed as easy pickings compared to the stronger west. Had they remained healthy they at least make it back to the finals and then it’s up to you whether they’d beat Golden State.

Fast forward to today, the east is still viewed as the “Leastern Conference”, the contenders don’t particularly stand out. Philadelphia signing Paul George will help ease the burden on Joel Embiid. But the issue for Philly is Embiid is never healthy when he is needed the most. They lost Nic Batum and Buddy Heild, and don’t possess a quality starting center or a deep bench. If your fourth best player isn’t at the level of Derrick White you’re going nowhere.

New York reunited the Villanova Wildcats by paying a premium for Mikal Bridges to complete their set. Their core of Jalen Brunson (28), Josh Hart (turning 30 next March), Donte Divencenzo (27), and the aforementioned Bridges (28) are poised to give the Knicks at least two more cracks at the title before the dearth of assets and financial flexibility hammer them. But it’s the hefty price of 5-first round picks they paid for Bridges that bothers me. They should have played hard ball with Brooklyn; there’s no way the Knicks didn’t know Bridges already wanted to go to them. Plus, they’re going to need those picks for potential future deals. Losing Isaiah Hartenstein to Oklahoma City leaves only the talented, but often injured Mitchell Robinson as their quality starting level center. Which isn’t ideal. I would have waited for Donovan Mitchell to become available because easing the scoring load for Brunson was more of a pressing concern to me than trading for Bridges when I am already paying a lot of money for O.G Anonuby.

The Knicks have time to fix their problems, though they don’t have many tools left in their arsenal. Tom Thibodeau is a great head coach, but tends to grind his players knees into dust which is how you get the pitiful Game 7 exit they ended last season with. They may have won the off-season, but can they win the post season?

So who are the real challengers for the champion Celtics? Milwaukee deserves a mention for having Giannis on their team. Beyond that they don’t have much to intimidate them with. If Brook Lopez is traded that leaves a hole at the center position, and it is quite frankly a bad idea to cast blame for the team falling from 4th in defensive rating in ‘22-23 to 19th in ‘23-24 on him and not Middleton’s continued decline and Damian Lillard being a turnstile. The front office is blaming the wrong player for their woes.

The real contenders are Miami, because they’ve beaten Boston before and more recently than Milwaukee. Much is ballyhooed about the rift between Jimmy Butler and Pat Riley, but they were never going to trade Butler. He is on an expiring contract, coming off an injury riddled campaign and Miami wouldn’t get much for him if they bit the bullet anyway. Unless Miami experiences another three-point shooting variance in the playoffs (can’t count out lightning striking twice) then this is the last stand for Heat Culture. Regardless, there is a chance the young guns Jaimie Jacquez and Nikola Jovic contribute and provide the aging Heat roster with a needed shot in the arm. Anything is possible with Erik Spolstra.

And lastly, the Indiana Pacers. Yeah, the team Boston swept. The only team that didn’t win a game versus the Celtics in the playoffs. Yeah, those guys I am saying could be the ones to do the job if the cookie crumbles in a certain manner. Indiana’s offensive rating in the East Finals was an astonishing 116. They play fast, efficient and are very smart. Rick Carlisle coached up Andrew Nembhard and everyone not named Myles Turner played really well offensively in that series. Defensively is a different story. But if they get a healthy Tyrese Haliburton in the playoffs and Bennedict Mathurin it’ll better compliment an already deep Pacers squad.

My only advice for the Celtics is try your damndest to avoid an unfavorable matchup in the second round. The second round is where the playoffs are the most volatile. It’s also where four of the last five defending champions fell.

Vinny Jace appears on the Entitled Weekend podcastHe does not come from the future.

7/3/24 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Oh no.

Wow, summer sports doldrums really set in this week, am I right, Michael? Heh heh heh.

Celtics just gonna set it up and run it again? Love to see it.

Matt Grzelcyk will be swapping out the NHL’s original Black and Gold for a different town’s black and gold. Enjoy the Three Rivers, Grizz. Charlestown is forever proud of you no matter. Best of luck, pal.

Just wait until our soccer players are playing in Europe then we’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

I guess Marketa Vondrousova has plenty of unplanned free time now to take in the sights and sounds of London town.

It’s okay Wyc. Lots of us don’t own a sports arena. Thanks for your stewardship of the team.

I am not a fan of all these advancements in AI. I’m worried more people are going to lose their jobs to robots. This World is moving all too fast for me and I just don’t trust AI unless it is being intended for good causes. Plus I hate that the lower-case L and capital i look the same in Twitter font. I’m having a tough time deciding if people are talking about AL or Ai.

Idiot holdouts denying me Supermax Jayson Tatum and Framingham Karen Read in the same week.

Portugal always has awesome uniforms.

Did I tune into day two of the NBA Draft or was that a Make-A-Wish documentary?

Cakes are cooking for Kurtwood Smith, Iain MacDonald-Smith (no relation), Betty Buckley, Dave Barry, Jan Smithers, Frank Tanana, Montel Williams, Stephen Pearcy, Hunter Tylo, Tom Cruise, Greg Vaughn, Moises Alou, Neil O’Donnell, Brian Cashman, Teppo Numminen, Audra MacDonald, Benedict Wong, Shawnee Smith, Teemu Selänne, Shane Lynch, Ludivine Sagnier, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Olivia Munn, Sebastian Vettel, and Elle King.

One of the things I love about the NHL Draft is how, once round 2 starts, teams just announce picks right there from their tables. Rapid fire.

You know Red Sox fans, if the MLB playoffs started right now, that would be really odd seeing as they haven’t even played the All-Star Game yet.

Hey, gang of grifter ghosters! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I got, like, a bunch of felonies, like, that I’m facing. And like, I want them to go away.”

Cumberland Farms upping the coffee price every 6 months is so annoying. They’re not much cheaper than Dunkin anymore.

Don Sweeney? Absolute immunity! Sorrey!!

How many of you remember the expression “three hots and a cot?” Old Army guys would say they joined up to get three hot meals a day plus a place to sleep.

I never seen Lauri Markkanen rockin’ the Adidas slides with the gray Fubu sweatshorts. Ya dig?

‘Esplanade’ is a fun word.

Karen, you’ve really emboldened this bullied kid to talk more openly about shitting his pants.

If I can’t call Nikita Zadorov ‘Big Z’, I will instead call him, Baked Ziti! All abroad!

Take the T on the 4th of July: Subway: Saturday service to 3pm, then weekday. Bus: Sunday service. Commuter Rail & Ferry: Weekend service. FREE subway, bus, CR, and ferry after 9:30 PM.

Are the Free Jacks primed to Free-peat?

I hope NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman is doing okay health-wise. There appeared to be something off at both Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final and last night at the NHL Draft. I am not a doctor and my opinion on this does not matter, but I hope he’s doing okay.

At least Martin Mull can be reunited with Shifty Shellshock.

There is a small but deadly population of Timber Rattlesnakes in the Greater Boston area, as well as other isolated parts of Massachusetts.

Xander Bogaerts (not playing) and Don Orsillo (as an opposing broadcaster) returning to Fenway Park for the first time really had me in my feels.

Do you think Alan Jackson lubes his cock before he fucks Karen Read in the ass, or does the anal leakage act as enough of a lubricant?

Elephants are famously large. Making larger than life sculptures of them seems like gilding the lily.

Six hardboiled eggs is a perfectly sane breakfast to eat on vacation.

I hope Jared Zero was able to watch the Celtics parade coverage from that nice farm he’s on in upstate New York.

There she stood in the street.
Smiling from her head to her feet.
I said, “Hey, what is this, now baby”, maybe,
Maybe she’s in need of a kiss

I said, “Hey, what’s your name, baby?
Maybe we can see things the same.”
Now don’t you wait or hesitate,
Let’s move before they raise the parking rate.

All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
All right now, baby, it’s all right now.
Let me tell you now.

People regarded Jordan & Pippen as a Batman & Robin situation as opposed to a Superman & Batman partnership and that affected how every other basketball duo was viewed in the past 35 years… Jayson Tatum & Jaylen Brown are more like Iron Man & War Machine or Cable & Deadpool.

Make one joke about an asteroid taking out a bunch a lunatics in pink shirts outside a courthouse and next thing ya know, one week twitter ban. Free speech yada yada yada.

Honk if you know the US President who was born on the Fourth of July.

Patriots just gonna set it up and run it again with Bill the GM’s players? Love to see it.

Gary Striewski signs multi-year extension with ESPN. But not during Pride Month?

76’ers collecting all the slugs. Trust that process.

I have a friend who screws up Rocket Man every time. Instead of “Burning out a fuse up here alone” he says “Burning out a fuse with Cheap Cologne” it drives me nuts.

FSG shoulda brought that Barstool whoah-personality in on Friday so Donny O could get a piece.

Fun Fact: the HP Hood Company maintains several stands of birch trees throughout all six New England states that eventually become the Hoodsie Cup’s iconic wooden spoons.

Know this: ‘Himno Nacional’ sounds like someone Peter Gammons tried to foist on us as a Very Special Person in the late 90s.

What an honor it must be to shake the hand of the deputy commissioner of the NBA at 4:42 on a Thursday afternoon when the Pacers pick you 36th overall.

When are the Bruins going to re-sign Swayman?

I hope that poor performance doesn’t affect the USMNT’s really real top 15 FIFA ranking.

Everybody knows about Joe DiMaggio. You’re a baseball fan if you can explain about Vince and Dom. You may need help is you know about Vince Jr.

Robots counting 18 munchkins would be wild.

Does anyone know a good Vancouver based sports marketing firm? Asking for Jake D.

The social media app is Twitter, the tall building at 200 Clarendon is the John Hancock, and people who own NBA franchises are Owners. GTFO with this governor nonsense.

We sure the Celtics didn’t mean to draft Creighton Scheierman from Baylor?

Some EXCITING news to share on the eve of long holiday weekend ahead: All three Rub Smoke Love rubs are now found in all Massachusetts Hannaford grocery stores!

Best bet for the weekend: Solarcaine.

A fine summer tradition.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I will be taking next week off for real. Something will run in this place. Enjoy the 4th.

BdlG wants you to know the beaches are open! Except for the closed ones.
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