Who shall it be? Will Tony take the Tournament Double Crown, despite not being a horse? Oe will Gabby Starr announce her arrival as a local media legend? Voting will remain open until Midnight EDT. Play Ball!
(Oh yes, there’s also the consolation match.)
What was up with ESPN’s broadcast of the Red Sox game? Were Philly fans climbing the satellite antenna or stealing the cables for the copper?
You can tell the ones who’ve been fans since his Black Sabbath days by the way the think his name was Ozzie.
Cheryl Miller played against nurses and secretaries.
The media love training camp because every good play has a counterbalancing bad play for them to focus on.
Rich Hill must fucking hate his family.
If you’re looking for the long-time voice of Boston College Football you will find Jon Meterparel doing the famous Cape Cod League All Star game on NESN. Take A Bow! Jon.
Shane Gillis? Is he a member of Mobb Deep?
Yoshida vs. Imanaga as Japan looks on at 8:38 a.m. on a Sunday.
Ben Volin is already in midseason form.
News Item: All UNC football tickets sold out for 1st season in Bill Belichick era. It sure is going to suck when he leaves before the first game because his buyout is only $1m!
I have gone since 1997 saying ou est ta craie, only to now realize that means where is your chalk. Oops. Ou est ta couronne, roi rien?
Cakes are cooking for Dan Hedaya, Chris Sarandon, Jim Armstrong, Michael Richards, Gus Van Sant, Steve Grogan, Robbie Grey, Paul Geary, Julie Krone, Karl Malone, Barry Bonds.*, Doug Liman, Nick Nurse, Kristin Chenoweth, Laura Leighton, Jennifer Lopez, Rick Fox, Rose Byrne, Summer Glau, Anna Paquin, Elisabeth Moss, Xenia Rubinos, Mara Wilson, Daveigh Chase, Evan James Springsteen, Emily Bett Rickards, Kyle Kuzma, and Cailee Spaeny.
I’ll never forget when Like That came out. I was up in NH for work and listened to that song EXCLUSIVELY every time I was in the car. 25 minute commute each way. Like That. Every single time. Who knew it’d do what it did huh?
Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Matrices and Dons get special treatment.”
Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.
How can you pull a “Do you know who I am?” when it’s not even you?
Orange Line Reminder: July 26-27 No Train service between Wellington & Back Bay due to signal work. Use Buses between Wellington & North Station. Use the Green Line between North Station & Copley.
The Running of the Jorts! A tradition like many others.
My two biggest NBA what if’s remain: Sabonis joining Drexler and Portland in 86 or Len Bias living.
I wish I loved anything as much as broads love singing Blues Traveler.
At the podium Patriots All Pro CB Christian Gonzalez, “ Pressure is a priviledge. ”
Crazy, but that’s how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it’s not too late
To learn how to love and forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Life’s a bitter shame
I’m going off the rails on a crazy train
I’m going off the rails on a crazy train
Owen Pence’s performative WNBA fandom is covering for some heinous shit. Mark my words.
Indoor spiders, why am I still seeing earwigs in the basement? You had one job.
How did Scott Kacsmar ever get a job at a serious football outfit in the first place? Guy could not be more unhinged.
Is Meterparel living with a host family too for the summer like the Cape League players?
My likes keep my IG scroll wall right where I want it, and nobody on my IG is shocked about what that content is, bc they’ll run up on me in person to show me what colors they have.
Honk if you remember Tony Kornheiser’s short lived vanity project, “Listen Up”,
Is Kelsey Plum an autist?
The ESPY’s are now like that mediocre restaurant you pass every so often and say, “that’s still open?”
Underwhelming Helmet Reveal szn,
Create more false equivalencies between Bob Kraft’s uncalled for swipes at Belichick and his responses to them.
Get well soon Mut.
H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot is triggering to kids that had him as a Fantastic Four member instead of The Human Torch in their Saturday morning cartoon.
If the concessionaires and vendors at Fenway go on strike, will you be allowed to sneak a sausage inside?
Justin Fields is limping to the sideline.
Best bet for the weekend: England versus Spain once again, this time at the Women’s Euro Championship.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Here comes the night.
Welcome to the first ever Summertime Sour Sixteen! If you like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, or more importantly if you don’t like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, then this is the competition for you! We’ve got six podcasters, seven current or former members of Red Sox radio/TV broadcasts, two crusty old newspaper men and one weepy grifter. (Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)
Region B
1 Dave O’Brien vs 4 Steve Perrault
O’Brien wasn’t bad on radio play-by-play. However, he is so bad on TV that he actually makes people long for the days of Don Orsillo. Now that’s bad. Perrault is just one of the Carrabis’s many forgettable goofball sidekicks. O’Brien walks it off.
2 Chad Finn vs 3 Rob Bradford
Hairy vag faced Bradfo will smother Wax Pack Chad under a pile of wrinkled t-shirts.
Region V (aka The Section 10 free region)
1 Gabby Starr vs 4 Justin MLB
Here’s a tip for any of you looking to participate in next year’s Mini-Tourney. Put “MLB” in your twitter handle, it will set you apart from your average run of the mill baseball fans named Justin. Gabz won’t even need to come back from one of her many in-season vacations to dispatch Mr. Gonzalez.
2 Tom Caron vs 6 Hogdale
The Hogriders came out in force and pushed their hero into Round 2. They may have misunderstood the assignment though. How could anyone not appreciate the passion that Grant Huckvale brings to the role of “Hogdale”? It’s always a tour de force performance. Grant is matched up with milquetoast Tom Caron. No matter how many hair plugs Caron gets, it will never be enough to mask his Megamind Forehead. Dr. Tom Leonard’s least successful client moves on.
Region N
1 Jared Carrabis vs 4 Coley Mick
Jared Carrabis is a better more knowledgeable fan than YOU. Sorry, just deal with it losers. “Coley Mick” is a lace curtain Irish dunce. “Car Rubbish”® will mash that bloated spud in the Section 10 showdown.
2 Tony Massarotti vs 3 Will Fleming
It seems unfair to have the March Sadness runner up in the Midsummer Mini-Tourney, but that’s baseball. Maybe if Will Fleming starts speaking Spanish, Tony will run away and hide. Unfortunately the only Spanish Mazz will hear from Fleming is “No Más“.
Region T
1 Pete Abraham vs 4 Tyler Milikin
This match up should be introduced by Dale Dorman as part of the Creature Double Feature. Sentient garden gnome (Abraham) takes on an obese two legged centaur (Milikin). The winner may depend on what country you live in.
2 Tyler Broadman vs 3 Mike McCarthy
Is Mike McCarthy the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who figured out you can lose weight by eating salads, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus with horrible teeth, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who couldn’t successfully book flights for his honeymoon or is he McBone? It’s hard to keep track of all these wacky call screeners.
Tyler Broadman may turn out to be a decent play-by-play man once he completes puberty, but his fake radio voice and Connecticut School of Broadcasting cadence make me want to ram my score keeping pencil in my ears. This a tough one, but McCarthy squeezes by.
It’s bittersweet that Dick Flavin isn’t around to commemorate this 10-game Red Sox winning streak with a terrible poem.
Alcaraz might be a greater non-sweater than Federer, which is really saying something.
Ken Lofton Jr is the definition of a bull in a china shop.
One thing that I will always hate about the MLB Draft is that teams don’t just draft the best players on their board.
I saw Felger on the Nantucket Ferry. He looked scared.
As someone who needs to be reminded the times were living in…a guy who has the last name ..Sinner ..won.wimbledon ..what’s next a man whos last name is judas wins the masters ?
Jerry Thornton has more dead relatives than Daenerys Targaryen.
David Ortiz fans chant, “Who’s your Papi?” Do fans chant, “Who’s your Dumper?” For Cal Raleigh?
It must be exhausting pretending to be an expert on everything. And also being 400 lbs.
Fan mail sent directly to my house will not be opened. It will be thrown out.
Cakes are cooking for Margaret Smith Court, Jimmy Johnson, Cyndy Garvey, Stewart Copeland, Michael Flatley, Gary Anderson, Terry Pendleton, Miguel Indurain, Charles Smith, Claude Lemieux, Chip Lohmiller, Jyrki Lumme, Will Ferrell, Barry Sanders, Daryl Mitchell, Rain Prior, William Van Landingham, Chris Thomas, Corey Feldman, Aaron Glenn, and Adam Scott.
For the record, Claudia Bellofatto is the only Big Dumper I recognize.
“Where does this walk-off rank in THE PANTHEON? Let’s go to the phones,” I say to my concerned wife and terrified children. Their reaction? I’ll let you know, after the break.
I’ve attended somewhere around 100 events at TD Garden between games and shows. Last night definitely cracks my top 5. The Caitlin Clark experience is legit and she is box office.
The terrible irony is that if Bob Kraft had spent the past decade and a half trying to get Stanley Morgan into the Hall of Fame they both would be enshrined in Canton by now.
Showing up in person as a fan to watch the MLB draft should land you on some kind of federal watchlist.
Jelly Roll looks like he does heroin in a Canobie Lake bathroom.
Red Sox kept the better Raffy.
Drew Bledsoe doesn’t get nearly the credit he deserves for his toughness. The man was a warrior.
Blue Line Update: No trains currently stuck under Boston Harbor.
Sox stockpiling arms in the Draft.
Jannik Sinner is Italian?
Cool to see Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner sitting front row at Fenway. Always a special atmosphere when big names show up at the park.
The bunnies and the squirrels have an uneasy truce in place.
Hey gang of squids who barely got through Navy basic, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Just buy some calamine lotion, you cheap fuck.”
@MarkDondero don’t sell yourself short mark
Hit up Strega after my North End stroll yesterday. This prosciutto-stuffed veal chop was phenomenal as was the octopus appetizer.
I would like to apologize if I sounded like I wished harm upon either Hardy Boy..
Honk if you remember Rick Dee’s, “Into the Night”.
Memo to WNBA announcer: Don’t call a layup (or lay-in) a “lay.” Nobody is having sex out there.
Respectfully: Keira Knightley looks like a billion dollars.
With one breath, with one flow,
You will know synchronicity.
A sleep trance, a dream dance,
A shared romance, synchronicity.
[Chorus]
A connecting principle,
Linked to the invisible,
Almost imperceptible,
Something inexpressible.
Science insusceptible,
Logic so inflexible,
Causally connectable,
Nothing is invincible…
It has rained for quite a few Heritage Nights with the Red Sox. Just saying….
They Saved Hitler’s Brain somehow went from a cheesy 1964 sci fi movie to a billion-dollar 2025 AI project.
Imagine having two phones.
Almost-a-Scout Bedard is miffed Belichick didn’t take a big chance on him.
During this heat wave don’t forget to check up on elderly neighbors to make sure their whole house fan is in good working order.
I think Jerry Trupiano needs to do an All-Sentence Music Fest headlined by Teddy Swims and Billy Strings.
Jerry Thornton wanted Up With People to perform at the All-Star Game.
Summer League is physical.
So the Sox play relatively clean for a couple weeks and suddenly that’s all the info from the last four years that we should acknowledge? Okay.
If Angel Reese didn’t exist it would be necessary to invent her.
Best bet for the weekend: Bostonians converging on Elwood Blues’ listed address.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t tell the director I said so but are you safe, Miss Gradenko?
Here it is. Please note that the Red Sox beat reporters for the Boston Globe and the Boston Herald have been swapped, for competition purposes. Competition begins Thursday, July 17th.
Mexicans once again doing a job Americans won’t: winning at soccer.
Next time tell Will Clark to bring donuts.
Never got to see him play, but boy, did my father love him. RIP LB.
I always like when Shams or Schefter tell us who the agent is when they announce a signing. Those guys work hard and deserve it.
Don’t forget to use promo code MALIK for $100 in bonus bets on ESPN BET!
Sox look good against these bad teams, don’t they?
Relax, Halsey.
You either love “MacArthur Park” or you hate it. Am I correct?
Cakes are cooking for Dean Koontz, Chris Cooper, John Tesh, Debbie Sledge, Fred Norris, Jimmy Smits, Willie Wilson, Tom Hanks, Marc Almond, Jim Kerr, Kevin Nash, Christopher J “Gus” Loria, Courtney Love, Scott Verplank, Frank Bello, Pamela Adlon, Trent Green, Marc Andreessen, Scott Grimes, Derek Mills, Kelly Holcomb, Jack White, Dan Estrin, Fred Savage, Ben McAdoo, Issac Brock, Linda Park, and Mitchel Musso.
Aw, man. Michael Madsen. He was terrific is so much. THELMA & LOUISE RESERVOIR DOGS DONNIE BRASCO KILL BILL: VOL. 1 KILL BILL: VOL. 2 And many others. Farewell, Mr. Blonde…
Glacial erratics!
I wonder if there are Yankees fans who ask Grok to create an image of Thurman Munson successfully landing a plane. What?
Jim I have been in retail for a while. The Egg Nog arrives the day after Labor Day. And the Halloween candy arrives the day after the 4th of July.
Hey Gym Gang! This week’s that Pays is, “Come on, we’ve all seen T Quizzle’s gym selfies.”
The cowardly snapperheads who run Red Sox social media account won’t even post about team’s visit to the White House. Like it didn’t happen. Bigger pussies than Napkin Boy Felger.
#CarmineStrong
“What do you mean you gave all your wedding presents away?” – Everyone who bought presents for Drake and Ann Michael Maye’s wedding.
There’s no way Beau Hossler is a real name.
Anyone ever stop and think that Alex Verdugo’s last name, as a noun, means “the executioner” or “the butcher”? Just me? Oh well.
Red Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM on July 10 – July 13 Shuttle buses replace service between Kendall/MIT and JFK/UMass. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree and Porter & North Station.
A guy named Fritz had his Wimbledon tennis match hampered by a glitch?
Hockey goons age worse than female porn stars.
They are so occupied on if they can keep creating Jurassic Park movies they haven’t stopped to think if they should.
I’m gonna fight ’em off
A seven nation army couldn’t hold me back
They’re gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back
And I’m talking to myself at night
Because I can’t forget
Back and forth through my mind
Behind a cigarette
And the message coming from my eyes
Says “Leave it alone”
Alan Hassenfeld and Ed DiPrete died. Rhode Island lore taking a hit today.
Fun Fact: Lucy Burdge doesn’t drink seltzer anymore because it gives her canker sores.
If GIF is supposed to be said with a hard g because of the first word in the acronym, how would you then pronounce PAWG?
Honk if you remember Chef Wayne’s Big Mamou.
Phone battery that was losing 3% a minute got better the minute I ordered an upgraded device. Tough noogies, old cellphone.
Who keeps saying Dame? Who?
Thank you for your interest in the USMNT.
Yeah, I moved on from the Niang leg grab incident pretty much right after it happened.
70s Sports Bro looks like the Muppet Ghost of Christmas Present.
Hit my longest drive ever yesterday. Sat back down in my cart, swigged my beer (Mass market lager, natch) and took a drag off my cigar as my friends were teeing off with “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue” on on the aux. It’s coolest I have ever felt on the golf course.
Was Tom Caron having Green Monster duty supposed to be interesting?
Red Bull team principal Christian Horner has been fired after 20 years with the team.
Best bet for the weekend: a raucous Dropkick Murphy’s Bobblehead Night at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take my tears and that’s not nearly all. Tainted love (oh) Tainted love.
Are we sure Kornet’s gone? Shams might just be using the Celtics for clicks.
During the NBA Draft my dog ran and hid under the bed when Adam Silver came out.
I believe the AP Hockey Stylebook would prefer “Hagsy” to be James Hagen’s Bruins nickname.
Is the L in Luka Garza’s name silent, like the H in Hugo Gonzalez’s?
Jahmai Webster should tell Bradfo his secret to keeping shirts wrinkle-free.
What is going on at the Wimbledon Women’s draw?!
Welcome to Boston Alex Steeves, Tanner Jeannot, Sean Kuraly, and Michael Eyssimon.
Keep on that grind, JT. The fan base and the city are behind you 100%. Before you know it you’re gonna be dominating the league again. There’s still so much more left to be written in your Celtics story.
Did the Bruins make a good first round draft pick simply because their internet cut out and they were on autodraft?
Cakes are cooking for Imelda Marcos, Robert Ito, Polly Holliday, Richard Petty, John H. Sununu, Larry David, Saul Rubinek, Roy Bittan, Johnny Colla, Brandel Chamblee, Jose Canseco, Mark Tewksbury, Monie Love, Jared Palmer, Troy Brown, Éric Dazé, Owain Yeoman, Joe Thornton, Michelle Branch, Johnny Weir, Ashley Tisdale, Lindsay Lohan, Alex Morgan, Margot Robbie, and Saweetie.
Are we ever going to hear the results of the Lifshatz referee investigations?
Green Line B Branch Update: Regular service has resumed. This delay has cleared.
Hugo Gonzalez? The many Spanish Celtics fans I know will be thrilled.
Kudos to you for finding out the identity of the guy who uses his real name on Twitter.
I hoped Marchand came back to the Bruins so they can trade him at the deadline again for another #1 pick.
I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic when I say the 2-6 show on WEEI is the actual worst regular show either station has ever trotted out. Which is saying something.
Feel like I should be having a Maine Beer Co. brew right now out of respect to Cooper Flagg.
At random events for work I tell people that Andy Wong is my uncle.
Hey gang of stick-tappers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You just have to let the draft come to you.”
2025 NBA Draft had no shortage of cryers.
Whichever Market Basket executive pledges to once again start selling their hot dog rolls in packs of 8 instead of 6 has my vote to replace Artie T.
Yesterday at this time it was 94° with a real feel of 104°. In my part of RI that is NOT normal. Today it’s 65° and cloudy with a slight breeze. 30 degrees of difference in 24 hours is nuts.
Lying about being a women’s basketball insider is deranged.
Wander Franco got 2-year suspended sentence for raping a 14-year-old? Was Jerry Thornton the judge?
I miss when Rod Thorn used to do the second round of the draft.
Overrate the Kowloon some more.
News Item: Phil Pressey has been named the new Head Coach of the Maine Celtics.
Don’t feel bad for Damian Lillard. This is a win-win. Dame had a player option for next summer that he was considering not exercising. No secret living away from family in Milwaukee was a challenge. So he gets his $ and is now an unrestricted free agent free to go where HE wants.
Hey Sydney Sweeney, fair warning, Tom Brady has to be an awful fuck. You know he can’t just enjoy it; he’s got to execute in all three phases.
Bobby Bonilla Day BWAHAHAHAHAHA! AMIRITE?
You know you’ve been in this draft watching game a long time when the player your team drafts looks like your son’s best friend.
Roberto Alomar gave Shaughnessy’s niece AIDS. Well, that’s how I heard it.
Honk if you remember when Pete Abe tweeted out a screen shot of some random Instagram girl’s ass and then pretended like he got hacked.
You can tell Bill and Ryen are serious basketball analysts by how often they refer to players as “assets.”
Was going thru my whiskey bottles to grab one for vacation and couldn’t believe how much i have in the house. Haven’t touched it since December. Wowowo allowing my gray matter neurons to heal.
A nice screened in porch is the perfect summer amenity.
Marner, if he ends up with Boston, will change spelling of last name to MAH-nuh. Just to assimilate.
I like my bands in business suits, I watch them on TV
I’m working out most every day and watching what I eat
They tell me that it’s good for me, but I don’t even care
I know that it’s crazy
I know that it’s nowhere
But there is no denying that
It’s hip to be square
It’s hip to be square
It’s hip to be square
So hip to be square.
Yeah, the guy who got fired from the two-hour Saturday morning show is tapped into the Celtics’ front office.
A: Chico, Burrito, and Shaman.
In New England culture sometimes all carbonated soft drinks are referred to as tonic.
Bruins should take a look at Brynov Tsaevarski.
If BYU If doesn’t want their student-athletes having sex they should just have them all get married.
“One may know how to draft without knowing how to do it” – Sun Tzu Dupont
Did Jordon Hudson outbid Pablo Torre for a pair of heels on eBay? WTF.
Get well soon, Red Panda.
Best bet for the weekend: the busiest Fourth of July ever for travel.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HBD USA.
Congrats to the Sonic Thunder. Does that count as their second title, or is appropriating another city’s titles just an LA thing?
Should’ve at least gotten Yaz back for Raffy, that’s just an obvious one, Craig.
Anfernee for Jrue is also an upgrade in the important ‘preposterously spelled first name’ category.
I’ll say this: a woman who shits herself hasn’t owned Boston this hard since Uta Pippig won the Marathon back in ‘96.
Carrabis is so personally hurt that another guy with a tattoo sleeve doesn’t want to be besties with him.
Monday morning quarterbacking here but it would have been cool to see Mikayla Timpson minutes as a counter to the Valkyries frontcourt speed.
Kristian Campbell’s slump is like a cough that you think is only going to last two weeks but instead it keeps getting worse and you wonder if you are even going to make it out of it alive.
Georges Niang looks like a heroin dealer on the Marseilles waterfront.
Holy fuck, was that sun ridiculously goddamn hot here in Boston yesterday. Not sure I remember ever feeling this level of heat before. Check on your neighbors to make sure they have enough water and Percocet.
Prediction: KD will be happy for two months and then get hurt and then be mad that the crowd cheered too loud for VanVleet when he was out and he’ll demand a trade.
Casually dropping the N bomb on air is insane.
Cakes are cooking for June Lockhart, Peter Blake, James Meredith, Eddie Floyd, Carly Simon, Jimmie Walker, Lee Wilkof, Tim Finn, David Paich, Sonia Sotomayor, Paris Themmen, Ricky Gervais, Doug Gilmour, Mike Stanley, Dell Curry, John McCrea, Aaron Sele, Angela Kinsey, Carlos Delgado, Milan Hnilicka, Vernon Crawford, Linda Cardellini, José Cancela, Busy Philipps, Hirooki Goto, La La Anthony, Annaleigh Ashford, Benson Boone, and Mckenna Grace.
Strange loyalty to video game companies basically created arguing on the internet.
The only way WWE decides to hold a show in Saudi on Saturday, is if they’ve had assurances they’re not in danger. To all the tribal wrestling fans: I don’t believe they would send people into imminent danger to hold a freaking PLE.
How bad is the economy that Upton Bell is reduced to cruising in a *Planet Fitness*?
For those asking, yes, new Mets reliever Richard Lovelady has requested to go by his nickname Dicky. So it will be Dicky Lovelady from here on out.
Maybe that Sports Hub guy wanted Golden State assistant coach Nick Kerr’s boat?
If I see one more tweet about Len Bias dying I’m gonna…probably do nothing. But for fuck’s sake…
Hey gang of luckless motorists! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You are outside your mind if you think you’re sending me a picture of a dead deer,”
Every Red Sox podcaster looks like they have been accused of date rape at least once.
Green Line D branch: Eastbound delays of about 20 minutes due to a signal problem at Riverside. Trains may stand by at stations.
To the men at the gym: Put your nipple(s) away. Please.
I don’t know if I’m in the minority, but I despise when wrestlers have more than, like, 2 belts max.
Steph Curry is half a Nick Kerr.
Will the updated quarterly dummy rankings be released before the long July 4th weekend?
I thought BYFBO was “bring your fat butt over.”
Would advise all gay men with naturally hairy bodies to stop shaving their legs. It looks weird. As a hairy Jew/Italian myself, trim is great. But totally smooth? Strange and unnatural.
Bob Ryan on Russillo’s pod claimed to be the president of the TJ McConnell fan club, then immediately called him TJ O’Connell.
NBC10 should change their call letters to WFKR.
Fun fact: There’s more jazz in Utah than there are lakes in Los Angeles.
Never trust anyone who doesn’t like Joe Walsh. Even people who hate the Eagles are like “But Joe Walsh is alright.”
I’m already annoyed by the people at the gym tomorrow morning.
In other great news, Drake Mayeberry finally married the first girl he ever kissed. This doesn’t bode well for his decision-making ability.
Dozier > Hozier.
Jaylen Brown cannot dribble and does not appreciate infrastructure.
Has Jonathan Bowen shipped out to Iran yet?
As a kid, I cleaned the theaters at the local movie theater on the weekends. I’d sometimes ask for the promotional posters. I had a Howard the Duck poster, which I’d affixed to my bedroom wall for years. He was right next to Heather Thomas. Sigh.
This Nick Kerr is crazy!
Did anyone else ever have a nun turning the World Series game on the radio when 1 o’clock rolled around?
I got you, that’s all I want
I won’t forget, that’s a whole lot
I don’t go out, not now that you’re in
Sometimes we shout, but that’s no problem
I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
You can see my eyes, you can tell that I’m not lyin’
Look at you, you’re a pageant
You’re everything, that I’ve imagined
Somethings wrong, I feel uneasy
You show me, tell me you’re not teasin’
I don’t know why sometimes I get frightened
You can see my eyes, you can tell that I’m not lyin’
The Aaron Rodgers and Pittsburgh Steelers situation fascinates me.
Honk if you remember the Skybox Restaurant & Sports Bar.
Do you denounce Kate Peter? And all her works?
Dakota Johnson on ‘Hot Ones’ made me appreciate her so much more. Something about the vulnerability the show creates in people can show you who they are. She seems so genuine.
Chet Holmgren is just a tall version of Kip from Napoleon Dynamite after he gets a black gf.
These sincere apologizes are becoming increasingly frequent and insincere.
Karen Read is built like Chris Klemmer.
Wayne’s Fatha is going to be disappointed when he discovers PLAYA BOWLS isn’t a competitor to Wamesit Lanes.
Aloha may mean many things. But pae ʻia means ‘stranded.’
Congratulations to Zdeno Chara & Joe Thornton on making the Hockey Hall of Fame.
Best bet for the weekend: a great crowd coming out to root on the Free Jacks.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. You don’t have to prove to me you’re beautiful to strangers, I’ve got lovin’ eyes of my own.
Sure, Roman Anthony hit a 497-foot grand slam but remember the ball travers further at Worcester’s lofty altitude.
Welcome back to Boston Marco Sturm.
Dort? what is that? Dutch?
How is a home game her “day off”? She’s in sports! Maybe change the blog to ‘Girl NOT at the Game?’
Kendrick Perkins seems to be aging in Zolaks.
Just found out I’m banned from all NH DK casinos because I win too much.
Pablo Torre’s like a ladyboy version of Katie Nolan.
I could listen to Nancy Lieberman talk basketball all day long. Such a brilliant mind.
Swiss Team frugal with goals allowed, defeats USMNT 4-0.
Cakes are cooking for Jackie Stewart, Joey Dee, Adrienne Barbeau, Skip Alan, Frank Beard, George Willig, Donnie Van Zant, Johnny Neel, Joe Montana, Hugh Laurie, Memhet Oz, Rob Birch, Tiffany Cohen, Peter Dinklage, Brock Marion, Geoff Ogilvy, Joshua Jackson, Diana Taurasi, José Reyes, Shia LaBoeuf, Brock Holt, , Maya Moore, Anna Sawai,and Jessica Fox.
I did some math i eat 3,000-3,500 calories per day. Never figured this out before, just eat every few hours.
The Ringer should rebrand themselves as ‘The Last Thing I Saw’.
Seth cashed in on Jey, Sami wins KoTR and Sami beats Seth at SummerSlam.
Finding a woman attractive is basically rape.
News Item: Patriots head coach Mike Vrabel and private aviation provider Magellan Jets have announced a partnership the company announced today in a press release.
Chappell Roan looks like she always has skid marks.
I almost feel hungover when I wake up the morning after a bad Red Sox loss, completely sober. My brain can’t even process a thought yet, but my body still feels the residual effects of the loss from the previous night, all before I can recall that they even lost.
Hearing whispers that DiJonai “Black Poupon” Carrington is a dirty basketball player who hates White women.
Tough day for the Commonwealth.
Hey gang of congenital fibbers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “That’s as accommodating as I can be to someone who just called me a pig.”
I love how the terrible drunk at the corner of the bar turns into a horse racing expert 3 times a year. It’s refreshing.
Red Line Reminder: June 14 – 15 (this weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between JFK/UMass and Braintree for signal upgrades. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree.
Can’t believe Elon and Trump broke up during Pride Month.
Fitzy always looks like he’s about to say “Check please!” in an absurdly hammy manner.
Well, they’ve got a new dance and it goes like this
(Bop shoo-op, a-bop-bop, shoo-op)
Yeah, the name of the dance is Peppermint Twist
(Bop shoo-op, a-bop-bop, shoo-op)
Well, you like it like this, the Peppermint Twist
(Bop shoo-op, a-bop-bop, shoo-op)
It goes round and round, up and down
Round and round, up and down
Round and round and a-up and down
And a one, two, three, kick, one, two, three, jump.
The #1 complaint these psycho fans have about Bruins management is that they prioritized playoffs over championships to maximize revenue, which is the dumbest take. The way you maximize revenue, especially beyond gate receipts, is by winning the Cup. If their goal was to have the Garden open more nights, they wouldn’t have mortgaged the future multiple times. They would welcome a wild card berth and hope to make the second round. They would’ve added to the roster this year to back into 8th place. They wouldn’t have fired Cassidy or Montgomery. They’re doing the opposite of everything these losers are blaming them for.
If you’re confusing Sikhs with Muslims, you’re a moron.
I hope Boston has a parade for Marchand if he wins the Cup.
30-26? Does that Barstool Basketball league not use a shot clock? Congratulations?
You very much are allowed to shout ‘Fire’ in a crowded movie house. And what’s more, the same goes for shouting ‘Movie!’ in a crowded firehouse.
Be more pill-addled.
Say hello to the last adult male in America without a calf tattoo.
Honk if you remember the McDonald’s Snack Wrap.
Tyrese Haliburton is making all these shots because Steve Kerr didn’t play him.
Where’s Bill James?
This one really hurts me to say more than any of the tweets in this series ever have: Dairy Queen – not as good anymore.
Belated congratulations to that US Hockey Team that did the thing.
Anthony Anthony? Really?
Jaylen Brown today underwent a successful right knee arthroscopic debridement procedure. He is expected to participate in training camp without limitation.
Best bet for the weekend: an eventful 250th birthday to the Army.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I heard you missed us. We’re back.
Well. at least Jim Irsay died doing what he loved! Drugs.
For years I thought KAT’s last name was Anthony-Towns, not that his first name was Karl-Anthony.
Do you think Jim Rice is confused by people constantly asking if he’s having a stroke?
Marcelo Mayer will wear No. 39 in his MLB debut. Fitting, since he was the Red Sox’s highest draft pick (4th) since they selected Mike Garman in 1967, and he also ended up wearing 39.
Per his wishes, Mr. Irsay’s ashes will be snorted by Barstool’s Rear Admiral.
I said last year I wasn’t gonna gamble on Monaco again and I really should have kept my word.
NFL players and boat parties. What could go wrong?
Sunrise, Florida is Hockeytown now, I guess.
Cakes are cooking for Rebbie Jackson, Ron Levy, Danny Elfman, Larry Blackmon, LaToya jackson, Annette Bening, Mel Gaynor, Rupert Everett, Adrian Paul, David Palmer, Melissa Etheridge, Eric Davis, Lisa Whelchel, Ukyo Katayama, Noel Gallagher, Melanie Brown, David Buckner, Jerry Hairston Jr., Carmelo Anthony, Riley Keough, Kristin Alderton, Richard Carapaz, and Markelle Fultz.
When Jerry Thornton gets sued into oblivion by Jen McCabe, is he going to tell her lawyers to “Take my wife—please”?
Great experience with @SeatGeek today. Just awesome people to deal with. Definitely a great place to buy tickets.
You think they will pump extra crowd noise into the Irsay memorial service?
Orange Line Reminder: May 30 – June 1 No Train service between Forest Hills and North Station due to signal work. Use Shuttle buses between Forest Hills and Back Bay. Use the Green Line between Copley and North Station.
John Fetterman is widely known to be severely depressed and suicidal. He should step down and Jonathan Bowen should take his place.
Hey gang of Somervillians! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I hear Pound House has a soft opening.”
Think there’s ever been a catcher that’s had to sneeze right as the pitcher delivers the pitch?
That better not be Red Dye#3 in your pink cocaine!
Thank you to the Boston gang members for staging a Memorial Day brawl on the beach today. Nice touch.
Rob Refsnyder and Connor Wong should swap names.
I am so sorry. Not to be all yeehaw, but it’s a national anthem. Why are we making it a ballad?
Never trust a woman who looks like Marty Schottenheimer.
Honk if you remember White Hen Pantry.
If Coach Thibs isn’t going to accept reality and shave off that stranded tuft of hair he should comb it straight forward.
My life is OVER!!! (Dunkin got rid of the raspberry watermelon refresher)
How long did it take John Streicher to get the nickname “stretch”? Over/under has to be 45 seconds, right?
You were made for me (You were made for me)
Everybody tells me so
You were made for me (You were made for me)
Don’t pretend that you don’t know
All the trees were made for little things that sing and fly
And the sun was made to burn so bright and light the sky
Pretty eyes were never made to cry, they were made to see
When I held you in my arms I knew that you were made for me.
Modern research tools are absolutely fantastic, and the researchers who are good at using them–which I am not–are fantastic. Just for the halibut I asked my computer where Richie Ashburn went to high school. Took it about 3 seconds, but it responded with where AND when.
Commercials featuring doorbells are terrorism.
Organized. Team. Activities.
So happy for John and Linda. They needed a win.
Michael Holley is still on the fucking radio?
Bill Simmons put on a generational last-thing-I-saw performance on his most recent podcast.
Red Sox need a shakeup. Three words: Manager Lou damn Merloni.
Get well soon CC.
Best bet for the weekend: novelty street signage being quietly taken down across Manhattan.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Quiet time for sports locally.
The 15 