Tag Archives: sports

08/20/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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A worthy cause.

Haven’t the Jimmy Fund kids been through enough, why make them get interviewed by Dave O’Brien?

Steve Pagliuca is a class act who understood what it meant to represent our fandom as an owner on the NBA stage. I was disappointed he didn’t have the winning bid but this statement exudes the class he showed through his tenure as part owner. Thank you Pags!

ESPN shitting on the grave of Bert Bell will keep Upton Bell alive two more decades.

Say ‘there’s magic the the greens!’ a few more times TC.

Spending that beautiful Saturday inside because the Pats played at 1 is reminding me of all the awesome fall Sunday I’ll be inside all day because the Pats play at 1.

The coach’s challenges add to the quaint ambiance of the Little League World Series.

Watched the first episode of Hard Knocks with the Bills last night. Dion Dawkins spinning around in a race car with his young kids in the passenger seat is fucking insane. I need Felger to comment and get cancelled.

Apparently the Celtics marketing folks are trying to stay under the luxury tax as well.

Cakes are cooking for Don King, Dave Brock, Rich Brooks, Graig Nettles, Connie Chung, John Noble, Robert Plant, John Hiatt, Al Roker, Quinn Buckner, Joan Allen, Cindy Nicholas, Mark Langston, Duffy Waldorf, Jr., KRS-One, Andy Benes, Fred Durst, Ke Huy Kwan, Todd Helton, Misha Collins, Chris Drury, Andrew Garfield, Alex Newell, and Demi Lovato.

One thing Joe Burrow is going to do is stick with a drive mentally no matter what car wash he’s going through to get to the end zone and still score.

What’s the big deal here? Jesus is King.

Hey gang this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “As a mom of a boy, I need Donna Kelce to write a book on how to raise sons. INSTANT buy.”

The Cleveland Guardians are going to overtake the Red Sox despite selling at the trade deadline and having their relief ace intentionally lose.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a passenger requiring medical assistance at Harvard.

‘The Wheels on the Bus’ might be the most misogynistic song ever. All the women repeatedly tell their children “shhh” all through the town while the men adoringly say “I love you” to the kids instead. Truly a sad and misguided take on women’s relationships with their young boys and girls.

Ricardo Quaresma looks like he’s running for mayor of Swansea.

Back at the mirror, your good friend
Talkin’ to the mirror to play out your game
Stop in the middle, I stop then
Look at the winner and the price you pay
Mmm

Cold was the winter, I tremble
Long was the fall that had no end
Now little by little, the air clears
Little by little, I can breathe, I can breathe again

I can breathe again
I can breathe again now
Call your name, call your name
Call your name, call your name
Everything changes, everything changes
I call your name.

Paul Pierce said there was an “intense moment” between Kevin Garnett and Kendrick Perkins during a team meeting during the 2008-09 season.

A pitta me, carpe diem, de facto, it goes on and on like that, eck cetera.

OK new cellphone, maybe you have a point not liking the dollar store car charger. My bad.

The 2019 movie The Vault was pretty good, but the soundtrack was exemplary.

Lou Damn Merloni talking over and explaining cancer to a (checks notes) Oncology Specialist isn’t triggering at all.

I would go to a Big Head Todd and the Monsters show any day of the week.

The McCourty Twins as commentators for the Pats preseason is like getting one for the price of two! Because they sound the same.

Honk if you remember swimmer Janet Evans.

Do you tip at full-service gas stations?

Red Sox third base coach Kyle Hudson was probably thinking about how Braintree got eliminated from the LLWS when he held the runner.

Get well soon Sophie Cunningham.

I’m sure Upton will be happy when ESPN resolves the situation by issuing a 2 A.M. apology. Once.

When did they take Monument Park out of Williamsport?

A compelling case could be made for a polar bear effectively taking on an adult male elephant.

Best bet for the weekend: Coast Guard Search & Rescue missions.

Hug your surfers a little tighter.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. She says your voice cannot command.

And happy birthday to American actress Amy Adams. Alliteration!

08/13/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Simply amazing to see.

YOU got smoked off white wine spritzers and tried to ride YOUR bike, caller. You did!

Should have used some of last nights runs during the losing skid, Red Sox.

The statue looks like Tom and is the head is properly proportioned. Knock it off.

So the Celtics can say “Happy birthday, Cooz” and it’s cool, but if I say it to my wife, she gets mad.

I enjoy the yearly ritual of seeing how much fatter Zolak got since last preseason.

‘Swedish Electrician’ sounds like a sex move. “I don’t recommend trying the Swedish Electrician with your wife if you’ve got a bad hip!”

I might be an old man but the sneakers with a suit is infuriating.

Love that the social media girl for the NHL’s 25th best team is being feted like a dying Lou Gehrig.

Nice to see the Astros wearing the OXY patch in honor of Rear Admiral.

Celtics Governorship Drama szn.

Cakes are cooking for Jocelyn Elders, Gary Davidson, Janet Yellin, Bobby Clarke, Jeff Altman, Betsy King, Hideo Fukuyama, David Feherty, Danny Bonaduce, Tom Niedenfuer, Koji Kondo, John Slattery, Debi Mazar, Jay Buhner, Mark Lemke, Elvis Grbac, Kevin Plank, Sherman Williams, Corey Patterson, Sebastian Stan, Boone Logan, Steve Perrault, and DeMarcus Cousins.

With pads on, Will Campbell looks like a football player.

The CEO of the OXY corporation must be like, “Why do we have to change our name when it’s the massive drug epidemic that sucks?”

Hey gang of qualified sports insiders, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Well, the games this weekend will certainly be interesting.”

Do I already have ‘Stretch’ fatigue?

Blue Line Reminder: Through August 17. Shuttle buses are replacing service between Airport and Wonderland for infrastructure upgrades, trackwork, and station improvements. Riders should allow extra time during this work.

Arrighetti sounds like spaghetti with arrabbiata sauce.

I replaced my underwear inventory with all under armour boxer jock. They are great. And then for running / lifting i have the UA compression shorts. Also outstanding.

Paul Perillo has the skin of an ’84 Lebaron convertible top.

Superfan Cam probably sat up in his shitty bed like Dick Hallorann when the psychic wave of Felger’s fall hit him.

RKK’s speechwriter should have axed the ‘passing precision’ phrase.

All broads think about is making videos of themselves.

Stop wasting my time
You know what I want
You know what I need
Or maybe you don’t
Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?

Gimme some money
Gimme some money

Have fun and play hard against the Irmo, South Carolina squad, Braintree Little Leaguers.

I’m just now realizing that the Pats have a running back room led by players whose last names end in -son: Rhamondre StevenSON TreVeyon HenderSON Antonio GibSON, And they would have had another if Lan LariSON hadn’t been placed on IR!

St. Hubbins was patron saint of quality footwear.

I miss Jerry Remy adding R’s to words and names that didn’t have R’s in the spots of those pronunciations.

Honk if you remember Danny Almonte.

You would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at the Super Bowl XLIX excerpt from Michael-Shawn Duggar’s book about the Seahawks.

Mike in Woburn is gonna have a heart attack. And then he’ll probably have another one when he hears the Felger news.

You can powerbomb people in UFC?

The heat bugs must be loving this weather. Because of the heat.

Nevada Supreme Court ruled in favor of Jon Gruden. But watch ol’ Roger Goodell elude this one, too.

Eye Column Item: Kayla Burton is dating Pats special teams coordinator Jeremy Springer.

Well done, Boston Crusaders Drum & Bugle Corps. DCI Champions.

The same people who in January can’t tell me if it will snow tomorrow are all over this hurricane coming in over a week.

Best bet for the weekend: New England’s prseason march toward relevance continues in Minnesota.

Some people (and AIs) don’t know what they’re doing. I think that’s how you have to look at it.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Welcome back Carmine.

And Happy Birthday to American tennis player Amanda Anisimova.

08/06/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Te saludamos, amigo.

Wild Card Fever Grips Hub!

Patriots coach Mike Vrabel on his young very aggressive young players who play very very hard. “ Hey we need you’d for 17.”

I feel like we didn’t need to know the escaped lizard’s name.

Shoutout to the Braintree American team. Braintree has always had nasty baseball at the youth level. Great to see them on the doorstep of Williamsport.

Georges Niang; we hardly knew ye.

I like the concept of wearing a tee shirt from a different beach to the beach.

Beantown is Sweep-town!

There’s nothing more white trash than being the “I know crime!” guy.

Cakes are cooking for Peter Bonerz, Dorian Harewood, Catherine Hicks, Vinnie Vincent, Pat MacDonald, Stepfanie Kramer, Randy DeBarge, Dale Ellis, Michelle Yeoh, Kimberley Conrad, David Robinson, Mike Greenberg, Mike Budenholzer, M. Night Shyamalan, Geri Horner, Vera Ann Farmiga, Soleil Moon Frye, and Leslie Odom Jr.

Tossing dildos on the WNBA court turned into yelling “get in the hole!” in record time.

Hey gang of rollicking reprobates, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Yeah let me get one milquetoast please.”

Garrett Crochet looks like he cooks meth for the Aryan Brotherhood.

Frances Upton was a Ziegfeld Follies Star who signed a 2-picture deal in Hollywood. She came back to the Stage and continued her career.

I thought the didgeridoo was a soulless killing animal.

Abraham Toro has great teeth.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Imagine Mike Felger being one of your heroes?

Disgusted in the crowd during Becky-Lyra. Spending hundreds of dollars to do the wave in the middle of the match is shit. It was distracting and took away from the match. Unfortunate.

If you can’t afford a roof, just say you can’t afford a roof.

I was going to see The Fantastic Four until I saw how little money it made in its second week.

All the best jobs have Tuesdays off.

Put the stupid fires out Canada or we will start sending tariffs AND acid rain your way again!

Cesar is survived by his dominoes set and cobalt blue Honda Civic.

I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they’re only getting better
I’m doing all right, getting good grades
The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades

I’ve got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou a year — buys a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they’re only getting better
I’m doing all right, getting good grades
The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

News Item: All-Women Broadcast Scores Record Low Ratings, Increase in Presence of Wild Bears.

Thanks to Cesar Osiris for using an alias!

A bidding war for the Connecticut Sun? The WNBA Connecticut Sun?

You can tell how much you owned someone by how much they talk about you after you died.

I don’t know Ma, maybe the phone handsets don’t work because you never put them back on the charger?

Joe Murray just said he puts ketchup on French toast bagel sandwiches? Ew.

Osiris was the god of fertility, agriculture, the afterlife, the dead, resurrection, life, and vegetation in ancient Egyptian religion. And of bad beats, probably.

Honk if you remember Carl Lewis winning four gold medals.

Maybe the Revs should re-sign Gil’s brother while they’re at it?

Applebees owns riblets. The Bell family allegedly owns ‘any given Sunday.’ Advantage: Applebees.

For those updating Patriots rosters at home, please note that CB Tre Avery will wear No. 26, RB JaMycal Hasty has been assigned No. 39, and DT Bryce Ganious gets No. 72.

Hand up, I thought the Sox were gonna lose eight in a row and get right back out of this thing.

Was the Giants-Giants get together in Totowa?

Joon Lee should knock it off, he’s working Chad’s side of Yawkey Way!

Proportional response? Nah.

Best bet for the weekend: pleasant memories shared of our fallen pal, gone but not forgotten.

This statue only looks a little like Tom Brady!

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the14 were used in this column. Hug your collaborative a little tightah.

and happy birthday to model/actress Adrianne Curry, winner of the first cycle of America’s Next Top Model.

07/24/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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John. Michael. Osbourne. Think he knew how to rock?

What was up with ESPN’s broadcast of the Red Sox game? Were Philly fans climbing the satellite antenna or stealing the cables for the copper?

You can tell the ones who’ve been fans since his Black Sabbath days by the way the think his name was Ozzie.

Cheryl Miller played against nurses and secretaries.

The media love training camp because every good play has a counterbalancing bad play for them to focus on.

Rich Hill must fucking hate his family.

If you’re looking for the long-time voice of Boston College Football you will find Jon Meterparel doing the famous Cape Cod League All Star game on NESN. Take A Bow! Jon.

Shane Gillis? Is he a member of Mobb Deep?

Yoshida vs. Imanaga as Japan looks on at 8:38 a.m. on a Sunday.

Ben Volin is already in midseason form.

News Item: All UNC football tickets sold out for 1st season in Bill Belichick era. It sure is going to suck when he leaves before the first game because his buyout is only $1m!

I have gone since 1997 saying ou est ta craie, only to now realize that means where is your chalk. Oops. Ou est ta couronne, roi rien?

Cakes are cooking for Dan Hedaya, Chris Sarandon, Jim Armstrong, Michael Richards, Gus Van Sant, Steve Grogan, Robbie Grey, Paul Geary, Julie Krone, Karl Malone, Barry Bonds.*, Doug Liman, Nick Nurse, Kristin Chenoweth, Laura Leighton, Jennifer Lopez, Rick Fox, Rose Byrne, Summer Glau, Anna Paquin, Elisabeth Moss, Xenia Rubinos, Mara Wilson, Daveigh Chase, Evan James Springsteen, Emily Bett Rickards, Kyle Kuzma, and Cailee Spaeny.

I’ll never forget when Like That came out. I was up in NH for work and listened to that song EXCLUSIVELY every time I was in the car. 25 minute commute each way. Like That. Every single time. Who knew it’d do what it did huh?

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Matrices and Dons get special treatment.”

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

How can you pull a “Do you know who I am?” when it’s not even you?

Orange Line Reminder: July 26-27 No Train service between Wellington & Back Bay due to signal work. Use Buses between Wellington & North Station. Use the Green Line between North Station & Copley.

The Running of the Jorts! A tradition like many others.

My two biggest NBA what if’s remain: Sabonis joining Drexler and Portland in 86 or Len Bias living.

I wish I loved anything as much as broads love singing Blues Traveler.

At the podium Patriots All Pro CB Christian Gonzalez, “ Pressure is a priviledge. ”

Crazy, but that’s how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it’s not too late
To learn how to love and forget how to hate

Mental wounds not healing
Life’s a bitter shame

I’m going off the rails on a crazy train
I’m going off the rails on a crazy train

Owen Pence’s performative WNBA fandom is covering for some heinous shit. Mark my words.

Indoor spiders, why am I still seeing earwigs in the basement? You had one job.

How did Scott Kacsmar ever get a job at a serious football outfit in the first place? Guy could not be more unhinged.

Is Meterparel living with a host family too for the summer like the Cape League players?

My likes keep my IG scroll wall right where I want it, and nobody on my IG is shocked about what that content is, bc they’ll run up on me in person to show me what colors they have.

Honk if you remember Tony Kornheiser’s short lived vanity project, “Listen Up”,

Is Kelsey Plum an autist?

The ESPY’s are now like that mediocre restaurant you pass every so often and say, “that’s still open?”

Underwhelming Helmet Reveal szn,

Create more false equivalencies between Bob Kraft’s uncalled for swipes at Belichick and his responses to them.

Get well soon Mut.

H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot is triggering to kids that had him as a Fantastic Four member instead of The Human Torch in their Saturday morning cartoon.

If the concessionaires and vendors at Fenway go on strike, will you be allowed to sneak a sausage inside?

Justin Fields is limping to the sideline.

Best bet for the weekend: England versus Spain once again, this time at the Women’s Euro Championship.

And the Red Sos win 9-8 in extra innings. Thank you for watching ESPN.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Here comes the night.

And happy birthday to no-introduction-needed Lynda Carter.

Mini-Tourney Round 2 Preview

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Welcome to the first ever Summertime Sour Sixteen! If you like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, or more importantly if you don’t like new media and Red Sox broadcasters, then this is the competition for you! We’ve got six podcasters, seven current or former members of Red Sox radio/TV broadcasts, two crusty old newspaper men and one weepy grifter. (Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas)

Region B
1 Dave O’Brien vs 4 Steve Perrault
O’Brien wasn’t bad on radio play-by-play. However, he is so bad on TV that he actually makes people long for the days of Don Orsillo. Now that’s bad. Perrault is just one of the Carrabis’s many forgettable goofball sidekicks. O’Brien walks it off.

2 Chad Finn vs 3 Rob Bradford
Hairy vag faced Bradfo will smother Wax Pack Chad under a pile of wrinkled t-shirts.

Chad should have stayed in the safety of internet free Mid-coast Maine

Region V (aka The Section 10 free region)
1 Gabby Starr vs 4 Justin MLB
Here’s a tip for any of you looking to participate in next year’s Mini-Tourney. Put “MLB” in your twitter handle, it will set you apart from your average run of the mill baseball fans named Justin. Gabz won’t even need to come back from one of her many in-season vacations to dispatch Mr. Gonzalez.

2 Tom Caron vs 6 Hogdale
The Hogriders came out in force and pushed their hero into Round 2. They may have misunderstood the assignment though. How could anyone not appreciate the passion that Grant Huckvale brings to the role of “Hogdale”? It’s always a tour de force performance. Grant is matched up with milquetoast Tom Caron. No matter how many hair plugs Caron gets, it will never be enough to mask his Megamind Forehead. Dr. Tom Leonard’s least successful client moves on.

His comb over is much more lustrous now

Region N
1 Jared Carrabis vs 4 Coley Mick
Jared Carrabis is a better more knowledgeable fan than YOU. Sorry, just deal with it losers. “Coley Mick” is a lace curtain Irish dunce. “Car Rubbish”® will mash that bloated spud in the Section 10 showdown.

2 Tony Massarotti vs 3 Will Fleming
It seems unfair to have the March Sadness runner up in the Midsummer Mini-Tourney, but that’s baseball. Maybe if Will Fleming starts speaking Spanish, Tony will run away and hide. Unfortunately the only Spanish Mazz will hear from Fleming is “No Más“.

Region T
1 Pete Abraham vs 4 Tyler Milikin
This match up should be introduced by Dale Dorman as part of the Creature Double Feature. Sentient garden gnome (Abraham) takes on an obese two legged centaur (Milikin). The winner may depend on what country you live in.

Avert your eyes… they’re both hideous!

2 Tyler Broadman vs 3 Mike McCarthy
Is Mike McCarthy the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who figured out you can lose weight by eating salads, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus with horrible teeth, or is he the pudgy bearded millennial doofus who couldn’t successfully book flights for his honeymoon or is he McBone? It’s hard to keep track of all these wacky call screeners.
Tyler Broadman may turn out to be a decent play-by-play man once he completes puberty, but his fake radio voice and Connecticut School of Broadcasting cadence make me want to ram my score keeping pencil in my ears. This a tough one, but McCarthy squeezes by.

07/16/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Schwarbsy. Good player. Missed locally.

It’s bittersweet that Dick Flavin isn’t around to commemorate this 10-game Red Sox winning streak with a terrible poem.

Alcaraz might be a greater non-sweater than Federer, which is really saying something.

Ken Lofton Jr is the definition of a bull in a china shop.

One thing that I will always hate about the MLB Draft is that teams don’t just draft the best players on their board.

I saw Felger on the Nantucket Ferry. He looked scared.

As someone who needs to be reminded the times were living in…a guy who has the last name ..Sinner ..won.wimbledon ..what’s next a man whos last name is judas wins the masters ?

Jerry Thornton has more dead relatives than Daenerys Targaryen.

David Ortiz fans chant, “Who’s your Papi?” Do fans chant, “Who’s your Dumper?” For Cal Raleigh?

It must be exhausting pretending to be an expert on everything. And also being 400 lbs.

Fan mail sent directly to my house will not be opened. It will be thrown out.

Cakes are cooking for Margaret Smith Court, Jimmy Johnson, Cyndy Garvey, Stewart Copeland, Michael Flatley, Gary Anderson, Terry Pendleton, Miguel Indurain, Charles Smith, Claude Lemieux, Chip Lohmiller, Jyrki Lumme, Will Ferrell, Barry Sanders, Daryl Mitchell, Rain Prior, William Van Landingham, Chris Thomas, Corey Feldman, Aaron Glenn, and Adam Scott.

For the record, Claudia Bellofatto is the only Big Dumper I recognize.

“Where does this walk-off rank in THE PANTHEON? Let’s go to the phones,” I say to my concerned wife and terrified children. Their reaction? I’ll let you know, after the break.

I’ve attended somewhere around 100 events at TD Garden between games and shows. Last night definitely cracks my top 5. The Caitlin Clark experience is legit and she is box office.

The terrible irony is that if Bob Kraft had spent the past decade and a half trying to get Stanley Morgan into the Hall of Fame they both would be enshrined in Canton by now.

Showing up in person as a fan to watch the MLB draft should land you on some kind of federal watchlist.

Jelly Roll looks like he does heroin in a Canobie Lake bathroom.

Red Sox kept the better Raffy.

Drew Bledsoe doesn’t get nearly the credit he deserves for his toughness. The man was a warrior.

Blue Line Update: No trains currently stuck under Boston Harbor.

Sox stockpiling arms in the Draft.

Jannik Sinner is Italian?

Cool to see Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner sitting front row at Fenway. Always a special atmosphere when big names show up at the park.

The bunnies and the squirrels have an uneasy truce in place.

Hey gang of squids who barely got through Navy basic, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Just buy some calamine lotion, you cheap fuck.”

@MarkDondero don’t sell yourself short mark

Hit up Strega after my North End stroll yesterday. This prosciutto-stuffed veal chop was phenomenal as was the octopus appetizer.

I would like to apologize if I sounded like I wished harm upon either Hardy Boy..

Honk if you remember Rick Dee’s, “Into the Night”.

Memo to WNBA announcer: Don’t call a layup (or lay-in) a “lay.” Nobody is having sex out there.

Respectfully: Keira Knightley looks like a billion dollars.

With one breath, with one flow,
You will know synchronicity.
A sleep trance, a dream dance,
A shared romance, synchronicity.

[Chorus]
A connecting principle,
Linked to the invisible,
Almost imperceptible,
Something inexpressible.
Science insusceptible,
Logic so inflexible,
Causally connectable,
Nothing is invincible…

It has rained for quite a few Heritage Nights with the Red Sox. Just saying….

They Saved Hitler’s Brain somehow went from a cheesy 1964 sci fi movie to a billion-dollar 2025 AI project.

Imagine having two phones.

Almost-a-Scout Bedard is miffed Belichick didn’t take a big chance on him.

During this heat wave don’t forget to check up on elderly neighbors to make sure their whole house fan is in good working order.

I think Jerry Trupiano needs to do an All-Sentence Music Fest headlined by Teddy Swims and Billy Strings.

Jerry Thornton wanted Up With People to perform at the All-Star Game.

Summer League is physical.

So the Sox play relatively clean for a couple weeks and suddenly that’s all the info from the last four years that we should acknowledge? Okay.

If Angel Reese didn’t exist it would be necessary to invent her.

Best bet for the weekend: Bostonians converging on Elwood Blues’ listed address.

Did we do this to Mike? We did, didn’t we?

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Don’t tell the director I said so but are you safe, Miss Gradenko?

And happy birthday to retired model & actress Phoebe Cates, whom you may associate with a song by The Cars.

07/09/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Why all the yellow seats, Lyndon?

Mexicans once again doing a job Americans won’t: winning at soccer.

Next time tell Will Clark to bring donuts.

Never got to see him play, but boy, did my father love him. RIP LB.

I always like when Shams or Schefter tell us who the agent is when they announce a signing. Those guys work hard and deserve it.

Don’t forget to use promo code MALIK for $100 in bonus bets on ESPN BET!

Sox look good against these bad teams, don’t they?

Relax, Halsey.

You either love “MacArthur Park” or you hate it. Am I correct?

Cakes are cooking for Dean Koontz, Chris Cooper, John Tesh, Debbie Sledge, Fred Norris, Jimmy Smits, Willie Wilson, Tom Hanks, Marc Almond, Jim Kerr, Kevin Nash, Christopher J “Gus” Loria, Courtney Love, Scott Verplank, Frank Bello, Pamela Adlon, Trent Green, Marc Andreessen, Scott Grimes, Derek Mills, Kelly Holcomb, Jack White, Dan Estrin, Fred Savage, Ben McAdoo, Issac Brock, Linda Park, and Mitchel Musso.

Aw, man. Michael Madsen. He was terrific is so much. THELMA & LOUISE RESERVOIR DOGS DONNIE BRASCO KILL BILL: VOL. 1 KILL BILL: VOL. 2 And many others. Farewell, Mr. Blonde…

Glacial erratics!

I wonder if there are Yankees fans who ask Grok to create an image of Thurman Munson successfully landing a plane. What?

Jim I have been in retail for a while. The Egg Nog arrives the day after Labor Day. And the Halloween candy arrives the day after the 4th of July.

Hey Gym Gang! This week’s that Pays is, “Come on, we’ve all seen T Quizzle’s gym selfies.”

The cowardly snapperheads who run Red Sox social media account won’t even post about team’s visit to the White House. Like it didn’t happen. Bigger pussies than Napkin Boy Felger.

#CarmineStrong

“What do you mean you gave all your wedding presents away?” – Everyone who bought presents for Drake and Ann Michael Maye’s wedding.

There’s no way Beau Hossler is a real name.

Anyone ever stop and think that Alex Verdugo’s last name, as a noun, means “the executioner” or “the butcher”? Just me? Oh well.

Red Line Reminder: Beginning at 8:30 PM on July 10 – July 13 Shuttle buses replace service between Kendall/MIT and JFK/UMass. Commuter Rail will be fare-free between South Station & Braintree and Porter & North Station.

A guy named Fritz had his Wimbledon tennis match hampered by a glitch?

Hockey goons age worse than female porn stars.

They are so occupied on if they can keep creating Jurassic Park movies they haven’t stopped to think if they should.

I’m gonna fight ’em off
A seven nation army couldn’t hold me back
They’re gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back

And I’m talking to myself at night
Because I can’t forget
Back and forth through my mind
Behind a cigarette

And the message coming from my eyes
Says “Leave it alone”

Alan Hassenfeld and Ed DiPrete died. Rhode Island lore taking a hit today.

Fun Fact: Lucy Burdge doesn’t drink seltzer anymore because it gives her canker sores.

If GIF is supposed to be said with a hard g because of the first word in the acronym, how would you then pronounce PAWG?

Honk if you remember Chef Wayne’s Big Mamou.

Phone battery that was losing 3% a minute got better the minute I ordered an upgraded device. Tough noogies, old cellphone.

Who keeps saying Dame? Who?

Thank you for your interest in the USMNT.

Yeah, I moved on from the Niang leg grab incident pretty much right after it happened.

70s Sports Bro looks like the Muppet Ghost of Christmas Present.

Hit my longest drive ever yesterday. Sat back down in my cart, swigged my beer (Mass market lager, natch) and took a drag off my cigar as my friends were teeing off with “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue” on on the aux. It’s coolest I have ever felt on the golf course.

Was Tom Caron having Green Monster duty supposed to be interesting?

Red Bull team principal Christian Horner has been fired after 20 years with the team.

Best bet for the weekend: a raucous Dropkick Murphy’s Bobblehead Night at America’s Most Beloved Ballpark.

Good seats still available.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take my tears and that’s not nearly all. Tainted love (oh) Tainted love.

And happy Birthday to actress Kelly McGillis, of Witness and Top Gun fame.

07/02/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

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Free Jacks FreePeat ThreePeat!

Are we sure Kornet’s gone? Shams might just be using the Celtics for clicks.

During the NBA Draft my dog ran and hid under the bed when Adam Silver came out.

I believe the AP Hockey Stylebook would prefer “Hagsy” to be James Hagen’s Bruins nickname.

Is the L in Luka Garza’s name silent, like the H in Hugo Gonzalez’s?

Jahmai Webster should tell Bradfo his secret to keeping shirts wrinkle-free.

What is going on at the Wimbledon Women’s draw?!

Welcome to Boston Alex Steeves, Tanner Jeannot, Sean Kuraly, and Michael Eyssimon.

Keep on that grind, JT. The fan base and the city are behind you 100%. Before you know it you’re gonna be dominating the league again. There’s still so much more left to be written in your Celtics story.

Did the Bruins make a good first round draft pick simply because their internet cut out and they were on autodraft?

Cakes are cooking for Imelda Marcos, Robert Ito, Polly Holliday, Richard Petty, John H. Sununu, Larry David, Saul Rubinek, Roy Bittan, Johnny Colla, Brandel Chamblee, Jose Canseco, Mark Tewksbury, Monie Love, Jared Palmer, Troy Brown, Éric Dazé, Owain Yeoman, Joe Thornton, Michelle Branch, Johnny Weir, Ashley Tisdale, Lindsay Lohan, Alex Morgan, Margot Robbie, and Saweetie.

Are we ever going to hear the results of the Lifshatz referee investigations?

Green Line B Branch Update: Regular service has resumed. This delay has cleared.

Hugo Gonzalez? The many Spanish Celtics fans I know will be thrilled.

Kudos to you for finding out the identity of the guy who uses his real name on Twitter.

I hoped Marchand came back to the Bruins so they can trade him at the deadline again for another #1 pick.

I don’t think I’m being hyperbolic when I say the 2-6 show on WEEI is the actual worst regular show either station has ever trotted out. Which is saying something.

Feel like I should be having a Maine Beer Co. brew right now out of respect to Cooper Flagg.

At random events for work I tell people that Andy Wong is my uncle.

Hey gang of stick-tappers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You just have to let the draft come to you.”

2025 NBA Draft had no shortage of cryers.

Whichever Market Basket executive pledges to once again start selling their hot dog rolls in packs of 8 instead of 6 has my vote to replace Artie T.

Yesterday at this time it was 94° with a real feel of 104°. In my part of RI that is NOT normal. Today it’s 65° and cloudy with a slight breeze. 30 degrees of difference in 24 hours is nuts.

Lying about being a women’s basketball insider is deranged.

Wander Franco got 2-year suspended sentence for raping a 14-year-old? Was Jerry Thornton the judge?

I miss when Rod Thorn used to do the second round of the draft.

Overrate the Kowloon some more.

News Item: Phil Pressey has been named the new Head Coach of the Maine Celtics.

Don’t feel bad for Damian Lillard. This is a win-win. Dame had a player option for next summer that he was considering not exercising. No secret living away from family in Milwaukee was a challenge. So he gets his $ and is now an unrestricted free agent free to go where HE wants.

Hey Sydney Sweeney, fair warning, Tom Brady has to be an awful fuck. You know he can’t just enjoy it; he’s got to execute in all three phases.

Bobby Bonilla Day BWAHAHAHAHAHA! AMIRITE?

You know you’ve been in this draft watching game a long time when the player your team drafts looks like your son’s best friend.

Roberto Alomar gave Shaughnessy’s niece AIDS. Well, that’s how I heard it.

Honk if you remember when Pete Abe tweeted out a screen shot of some random Instagram girl’s ass and then pretended like he got hacked.

You can tell Bill and Ryen are serious basketball analysts by how often they refer to players as “assets.”

Was going thru my whiskey bottles to grab one for vacation and couldn’t believe how much i have in the house. Haven’t touched it since December. Wowowo allowing my gray matter neurons to heal.

A nice screened in porch is the perfect summer amenity.

Marner, if he ends up with Boston, will change spelling of last name to MAH-nuh. Just to assimilate.

I like my bands in business suits, I watch them on TV
I’m working out most every day and watching what I eat
They tell me that it’s good for me, but I don’t even care
I know that it’s crazy
I know that it’s nowhere
But there is no denying that

It’s hip to be square
It’s hip to be square
It’s hip to be square
So hip to be square.

Yeah, the guy who got fired from the two-hour Saturday morning show is tapped into the Celtics’ front office.

A: Chico, Burrito, and Shaman.

In New England culture sometimes all carbonated soft drinks are referred to as tonic.

Bruins should take a look at Brynov Tsaevarski.

If BYU If doesn’t want their student-athletes having sex they should just have them all get married.

“One may know how to draft without knowing how to do it” – Sun Tzu Dupont

Did Jordon Hudson outbid Pablo Torre for a pair of heels on eBay? WTF.

Get well soon, Red Panda.

Best bet for the weekend: the busiest Fourth of July ever for travel.

Hearing reports traffic is backed up from the Cape bridges to the gas tanks.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. HBD USA.

And happy birthday to supermodel, actress and Texas gal Jerry Hall, who appeared in the 1992 film, ‘Freejack.’
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