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12/03/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on December 3, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Jaylen is making the most of his opportunity.*

The New England Patriots are back. Weep.

Wake up to a bunch of tweets from NBA reporters wondering what happened between the Clippers and Chris Paul. How about do your job and figure it out?

Nothing says rivalry weekend quite like UCF at BYU.

Jason Kelce’s eyebrows look like 2 Australian shepherds about to square off.

Basic math is now ‘analytics’.

The thing about Lane Kiffin is that he hates making things about himself. I can only imagine how hard this must be for him.

The Lions game not starting at 12:30 threw me off. A Thanksgiving staple.

I wonder if the Bruins players’ wives also made them get up early on Black Friday and drive them to Target.

Ryan Day bears an uncanny resemblance to Ming the Merciless.

What are there more of, “Kirk Minihane Show” ex-producers or videos of Turtleboi Aidan crying?

Cakes are cooking for Mickey Thomas, Rick Mears, David Hixon, Don Barnes, Franz Klammer, Melody Anderson, Kathy Jordan, Daryl Hannah, Julianne Moore, Mike Ramsey, Joe Lally, Andrew Stanton, Katarina Witt, Brendan Fraser, Montell Jordan, Harold Steinbrenner, Amy Helm, Laura Schuler, Lindsey Hunter, Paul Byrd, Vernon White, Bucky Lasek, Holly Marie Combs, Rainbow Sun Francks, Sean Parker, Tiffany Haddish, Anna Chlumsky, Jenna Dewan, Brian Bonsall, Michael Essian, Amanda Seyfried, Michael Angarano, Jake T. Austin, and Lil Baby.

If MLB has rules that apply to only one player, how soon until the NFL grants Mahomes possession of the ball no matter what at the end of games?

Rhody has a LB named Rohan Davy. No relation.

I liked New Mexico’s turquoise uniforms. The computers should’ve had that as a deciding factor.

Dallas plays football like chipmunks who found a bag of coke.

Hey gang of fake cancer survivors! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Making a big deal over quitting your social drinking is wild.”

Bring. Back. The. Patriots. White. Over. White. 80’s. Throwbacks.

The ‘There Are Too Many Streaming Services!’ Guy is my least favorite archetype.

Lem Barney has been upgraded from ‘dead’ to ‘alive’.

Not to go all Brad Rifkin on you, but elk and lingonberries are an incredible pairing.

Anthony Edwards looks like he can’t read.

Red Line: Delays of about 15 minutes due to a disabled train at Park Street. Trains may stand by at stations.

Thanksgiving games don’t need halftime shows. Sorry.

Wonder if Max Brosmer woke up today wondering when they play Holy Cross?

Korpisalo makes some good saves, but you always know when he’s playing because Bs are down 2 five minutes into the game.

Ian Eagle does a great job at play-by-play. A great mix of seriousness and excitement.

This is how we do it, all hands are in the air
And wave them from here to there
If you’re an OG mack or a wanna-be player
You see the hood’s been good to me
Ever since I was a lower case G
But now I’m a big G
The girls see I got the money
Hundred dollar bills, y’all.

Hollywood Brown sounds like the name of a hustler from a James Ellroy novel.

Post Malone is the pinnacle of the redneck-wigger aesthetic. A uniquely American archetype.

I’ve slept 29 hours and 43 minutes the last 3 nights.

Lamar must be wondering what he did wrong to have Josina dump him for Shedeur.

Honk if you remember to steer into the skid. And to warn people that you’re skidding, I guess.

Espn had Herbstreit, ‘Booger’, and then Joey Galloway out there saying you’re just being soft if you think Kiffin shouldn’t coach two teams. So fucking stupid.

Wearing my Barstool hoodie so that everyone knows I’m a cool guy who loves sports and chicks and gambling.

Too many evictions scheduled, man.

USF’s Alex Golesh to Auburn? This is a great hire. AG is a BIG culture guy. Excited to see what he can do there. I’ve never heard of him.

Never discount the power of sincerely offered glad tidings.

Who is forcing BYU? Win and in. Lose and not.

Jaylen Brown one of the quickest hair recessions in history. Had that sweet flat top like 5 years ago to this patchy, sloppy mess today.

Boston’s Snowport Holiday Market: Tourist trap, or bad rap?

Just an inscrutable play by Younghoe Koo.

Derek Thompson is the most fake smart writer I’ve ever seen.

Brian Walshe looks like Jay Sherman from ‘The Critic’.

So many catalogs arriving based on the questionable assumption I want to give the gift of cheese.

Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta returns to practice.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. I’m travelin’ down the road and I’m flirtin’ with disaster
I got the pedal to the floor and my life is runnin’ faster.

*And happy birthday to Boston’s Own Alicia Sacramone, multiple time Gymnastics World Champion.*

Football Cat’s Thanksgiving Picks ’25

Posted on November 27, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Turkey fans enjoy giving out gobbles this time of year, but what about America’s fastest, and fattest, growing dietary subgroup the Porksaterians? Well don’t worry Porky, we’re here to satisfy you with a serving of oinks.

Grant Huckvale (a.k.a. Hogdale):
Hogdale carved a niche for himself as an overly exuberant alternative broadcaster to the stoic and bland official Red Sox play-by-play teams on NESN and WEEI. Over the summer you’d see Hogdale clips occasionally retweeted into your timeline, usually after Red Sox wins, and you’d think to yourself “I think that’s the tops“. We probably all agree that Hogdale is special. Smash cut to present day, and we are confronted with a hog of a different color. Barstool, in an effort to fill an obese chromosomically challenged void in their lineup, swooped in and waved a lucrative (by part-time minimum waged Iowan standards) five figure contract in front of Hogdale’s snout and lured him into their slaughter house. Now Hogdale’s giant screaming maw is ever present, ever hot takey and ever annoying. To quote Rocky IV: “What started out as a joke has turned into a disaster”.
4 oinks 🐷🐷🐷🐷

Thanksgiving early eaters time
Packers at Lions (-2.5)
Jungle Kings slice and dice Cheese Heads

Thanksgiving late eaters time
Chiefs (-3.5) at Cowboys
Squantos feast on the Pilgrims

Thanksgiving overeaters time
Bengals at Ravens (-7)
Scary Black Birds bury Burrow’s boys

Black Friday Afternoon Nap time
Bears at Eagles (-7)
Birds bully Bears

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

11/26/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 26, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

Don’t worry Minifans, Kirk will still be on all that Barstool shit you don’t care about!

Wonder if Bruins fans envision 63 one day hanging in the rafters. The number, not the player.

First Take is The View for unemployed men.

I see the 12-year-olds with meme accounts still have no idea how the NFL scheduling formula works

Cambridge is really an interesting city. It’s designed to look just like Boston and it wants so hard to be Boston, but it has none of the charm or way of life that make Boston what it is.

Ryan Clark has gotten so good at apologies they got him apologizing on behalf of Stephen A now.

I’ve grown entirely too fond of using balsamic glaze on just about everything.

I’ll never not root for Jacoby Brissett.

Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Jim Mora. UConn’s a baseball school anyway.

Cakes are cooking for Rich Little, Jan Stenerud, Ethan Russell, John McVie, Art Shell, Richie Hebner, Ilona Staller, Harry Carson, Bob Walk, Dale Jarrett, Harold Reynolds, Chuck Finley, Adam Gaynor, Mario Elie, Jeff Jaeger, Garcelle Beauvais, Sue Wicks, John Stirratt, Steve Lofton, John Amaechi, Shawn Kemp, Winky Wright, DJ Khaled, Jamie Fiske, Natasha Bedingfield, Rita Ora, and Louis Ducruet.

Was today years old learning Reggie Lewis has the exact same birthday as Björk.

Just got a complaint from another worker that the demo im doing is too loud. You’ve got two options buddy. Put some fucking ear plugs in or find a new line of work.

I was an earlier sabermetrics adopter but yes this has gotten out of hand.

Worcester Line Train 519 (7:30 am from South Station) will make additional stops at Wellesley Farms through West Natick to accommodate passengers from terminated Train 1517 (7:10 am from South Station).

Head Dummy—is that better or worse than Viceroy?

Congratulations Medford! You get to wallow in filth and vermin while your eco-idiot mayor counts the green scam money. The real trash problem is at city hall.

Get well soon Will Campbell. And Jared Wilson. And Khryiris Tonga. And Neemias Queta.

Stephen A. Smith thinks everything in sports revolves around him. Cam not even on enough for everyone to know he’s on lol. There are people who still ask what happened to Max Kellerman and that was like 3 years ago.

I really enjoyed the hell out of @RealGDT’s FRANKENSTEIN on Netflix. Terrific filmmaker.

How can I worry about not having an SP2 when I still haven’t seen a WR1?

Mass Maritime football is basically 13th grade.

Marcus Jones read that terrible throw like a millennial ripping through Harry Potter.

I think I said this before but Josh Allen could really use a Stefon Diggs.

Josh is an unreliable narrator, like Holden Caulfield, or Dan Lifshatz.

Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
Is who I am, is what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you

I try to focus my attention
But I feel so A.D.D.
I need some help, some inspiration
But it’s not coming easily

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know?

There’s an NCAA Mens basketball player named Jordan Marsh? Does he happen to have a recipe for blueberry muffins?

FYI: There was an entertainment world before 1970.

Nowhere for UMass Football to go but up. Or stay winless next year too, I guess.

I think I wouldn’t mind being hairless.

Sending my boss the lyrics to “Knuck If You Buck” was not on my bingo card for a Monday.

Geekie is studly. See what I did there?

Honk if you remember Bobby Orr’s last game as a Bruin.

Did Jahlani Tavai know ahead of time that Kirk was quitting the podcast?

Chris Gasper thinks you lose socks in the washing machine.

I laughed out loud when Gordon Wood popped up on Kenny Burns’ documentary.

Kirk stayed long enough with saddling Portnoy with a one-year Mut contract. Kinda respect it.

Wriggle is an underrated word.

Gonna pay an Indian guy to start an army of pro-Belichick accounts.

Maybe Orlovsky can be the new UConn coach. Mina can be the OC with her big football brain.

Best bet for the weekend: slow moving traffic.

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Over the river and through the woods.

*Bianca says it’s okay to wear your stretchy pants tomorrow.*

Football Cat’s Week 12 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 21, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

Please enjoy some pre-Thanksgiving haikus…

A Cat:
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren’t that sharp.

Football:
Pigskin, gridiron
These equal true happiness
All thanks to Bert Bell

Robert Kraft:
Desperate for praise
Time for my prepaid close up
Get my booster seat

Kendra Middleton:
I crave attention
Look at me I am zany
Stop bothering me

Bob Socci:
This is not tv
Please give me down and distance
This is radio

Scott Zolak:
Must you grunt and groan
You are ruining the game
Try doing less coke

Sunday Lunch Time
Jets at Ravens (-13.5)
The Poes crawl out from under the floor boards

Steelers at Bears (-2.5)
Bears won’t be caged

Patriots (-8.5) at Bengals
Stripey cats can’t trap Pats

Giants at Lions (-10.5)
Jungle kings cut down Giants

Vikings at Packers (-6.5)
Packmen gobble up JJ

Colts at Chiefs (-3.5)
Native peoples corral Colts

Seahawks (-13.5) at Titans
Fake seabirds best the breasts

Sunday Dinner Time
Jaguars (-2.5) at Cardinals
Spotted cats swallow pretty red birds

Browns at Raiders (-3.5)
Black hole excretes the Browns

The photo Keebler didn’t want you to see

Eagles (-3.5) at Cowboys
Birds beat Boys

Falcons (1.5) at Saints
Saints flush Falcons in the Toilet Bowl

Sunday Prowl Time
Buccaneers at Rams (-6.5)
It’s no longer Baker Mayefield, it’s Baker Won’t-field

Monday Prowl Time
Panthers at 49ers (-7)
Purrrrdy boxes black cats

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

11/19/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 19, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Man. Quoting Cam Newton in Ebonics is a rough look.*

I’m no computer nerd, but the best way to avoid B*arstool tweets probably isn’t throwing a banana cream pie at their clown car.

Mazzulla is always visibly fuming when Drew Carter does the pre-game interview.

Kirk is taking Mut not knowing what a sitcom is really hard.

I wonder if Dianna Russini has thoughts about the Olivia Nuzzi revelations.

Being able to move on from your playing days is a skill.

I was just thinking, is Barstool ready for what they’ve started? No one messes with Hardy and Sarge’s crew and gets away it.

Coed adult cheerleading team?

Red Sox now have a new catcher, but only one bullpen lefty. Concerning.

Cakes are cooking for Ted Turner, Eddie Raynor, Calvin Klein, Dennis Hull, Bob Boone, Ahmad Rashad, Robert Beltran, Kathleen Quinlan, Ann Curry, Charlie Kaufman, Michael Wilbon, Alison Janney, Grant Ledyard, Meg Ryan, Jodie Foster, Terry Farrell, Paul Weitz, Gail Devers, Rocco DiSpirito, Gary Disarcina, Justin Chancellor, Jeremy McGrath, Savion Glover, Jack Dorsey, Kerri Strug, Ryan Howard, Adam Driver, and Patrick Kane.

Little known fact: The viceroy and roy aren’t constitutionally allowed to fly on the same airplane.

I had a Pop-Tart and feel disgusting.

Never in NFL history has a backup QB come into a game and used it as the launchpad for a successful career.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Editorial discretion.”

Meanwhile, the phrase that never pays to say is and remains, “May I meet you?”

The NFL is better when the Jaguars are good.

Stan Musial: 1815 home hits. I815 road hits. As the Ol’ Perfessor would say, “You can look it up.”

One might say Kenni’s about to grow into an allergy… of getting owned.

Aaron Glenn looks like the leader of a slave rebellion.

Blue Line: Delays of about 10 minutes while a maintenance train inspects the overhead wires between Airport and Wonderland. Trains may stand by at stations.

Surely this Kendra humiliation will cut through all the squids telling her how great she is.

“Blue-collar chip on shoulder guy” is a top 5 annoying personality type.

Robert appearing to be half a head taller than Gronk thanks to his booster seat is ridiculous.

Kirk Herbstreit’s job at this point is just humoring doddering old men while they prattle on about bullshit from 30 years ago. “Oh, really, Hartford? Wow, crazy.”

If Gresh blocked at URI like he does on Twitter he would’ve been drafted.

Does Pete Carroll have a legacy and is it in flames?

John Cena vs. Dominik Mysterio at Survivor Series would absolutely slap.

YOU were in a rock fight with the Jets, caller!

Normally you had to pay admission to one of Portnoy’s old Barstool foam parties to get that level of abused.

Have any of the radio stations gone to all-Thanksgiving music yet?

Honk if you remember Briff.

Rewatching the Patriots game and it brought up a random thought. I really miss the bond you get from being on a team. I miss that team camaraderie. Nothing like it. Anyone else miss it? Let us know in the comments.

Now if I appear to be carefree, it’s only to camouflage my sadness
In order to shield my pride, I’ve tried to cover this hurt with a show of gladness
But don’t let my show convince you
That I’ve been happy since you decided to go (why did you go?)
Oh, I need you so (I need you so)
I’m hurt and I want you to know (want you to know)
But for others I put on a show (it’s just a show)

Ooh ah, there’s some sad things known to man
But there ain’t too much sadder than the tears of a clown
When there’s no one around, oh yeah

Mais non, cher, from what I see, Gresh lost over 100 pounds back in 2019 wit’ a program, not Ozempic. No sign he usin’ dat stuff. Callin’ him a slob? Dat’s subjective, me, but he a sharp sports guy. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

You had me at “ok face.”

Imagine thinking having 5 active jobs on the ol’ LinkedIn looks good.

When did YAC yards become RAC yards?

You know a guy is dirty when Mark Schelreth says, “this guy isn’t dirty.”

BYU and UNC will have an epic Holiday Bowl in 2027.

Next thing you know we’re going to find out she doesn’t really work 65 hours a week.

Aloha means goodbye. Aloha, Johnny Beecher.

Best bet for the weekend: Bill the GM’s former players playing well on other NFL squads.

THE GARDEN was built for the brawlers, the bombers, THE ABSOLUTE SHOT-CALLERS! Beantown demands the PROS, baby, not some doe-eyed amateurs still figuring out which end of the rink is up! We shelled out our hard-earned cash to watch the GODS: Russell blockin’ shots into the Charles, Orr flyin’ end-to-end like a jet, Bird drainin’ ‘em with the silky smooth, Espo snipin’ top shelf where Mama hides the cookies! These are the GIANTS who strode among us mere mortals!
*So take that college kiddie carnival back down to Storrs, Geno!*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Wash before wearing.

*And happy birthday to Ukrainian-Canadian supermodel Daria Werbowy.*

Week 11 – Beat Football Cat!

Posted on November 14, 2025 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!

Congratulations to Warren Dull’s aunt for beating Football Cat once again in Week 10!

How to play? Simply pick who you think will win this weekend’s games. (Sunday and Monday only, Football Cat negotiated no non-holiday Thursdays) Pick more winners than FC, and you can win either a The15 Inside Joke Prize Pack or a $25 Supermarket Gift Card! Your choice as to Market Basket, Big Y, Shaw’s, or Stop & Shop! (Or another, if you are outside the New England Area)

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:

Commanders at Dolphins

Panthers at Falcons

Buccaneers at Bills

Chargers at Jaguars

Bears at Vikings

Packers at Giants

Bengals at Steelers

Texans at Titans

49ers at Cardinals

Seahawks at Rams

Ravens at Browns

Chiefs at Broncos

Lions at Eagles

Cowboys at Raiders (Tiebreaker – total points scored)

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) or, if that isn’t your bag, post them on the Twitter and our hardy heam of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Good luck to all our contestants!

Football Cat’s Week 11 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 14, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

As DRAKE-A-MAYENIA sweeps the six state region, we’d just like to remind you where you first were introduced to that fantastic (and potentially lucrative) phrase… it was HERE, in Football Cat’s Week 13 NFL Picks ’24!

and also here, in Football Cat’s Week 15 NFL Picks ’24!

As part of our pending intellectual property infringement lawsuit(s), our special council has advised us to put all of our ideas out there (that’s legal jargon). So without further ado we bring you our latest potential merchandise ideas (TRADEMARK!):

Remember, never settle for cheap imitations when you can choose the high quality original! Only available (potentially) at the15net.com official store!

Sunday Desayuno Time
Commanders at Dolphins (-2.5)
¡Los delfines ganan!

Sunday Lunch Time
Panthers at Falcons (-3.5)
Black cats can’t catch a break, or find a win

Buccaneers at Bills (-6)
Bills bully Baker

Chargers (-3) at Jaguars
Spotted cats get zapped by Plugs

Bears at Vikings (-2.5)
Norsemen sneak by sleepy Bears

Packers (-7) at Giants
There will be no metamorphosis under Kafka’s leadership.

Bengals at Steelers (-5.5)
Yinzers flatten Flacco

Texans (-6) at Titans
Tex squeezes Tits

Sunday Dinner Time
49ers (-3) at Cardinals
Purrrrdy swallows pretty red birds

Seahawks at Rams (-3)
Horny sheep trample fake sea birds

Ravens (-7.5) at Browns
Scary black birds flush the Browns

Chiefs (-3.5) at Broncos
Chiefs bust Broncos

Sunday Prowl Time
Lions at Eagles (-2.5)
Jungle kings claw out a win in Philly

Monday Prowl Time
Cowboys (-3.5) at Raiders
Ranch hands rustle Raiders

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

Week 10 – Beat Football Cat!

Posted on November 7, 2025 by TheIntern15 Leave a comment

Football Cat thanks you for your service.

Can YOU pick more winners than our own Football Cat? If so, you become eligible to win prizes!

Congratulations to Murph for beating Football Cat in Week 9! We will figure some way to get your prize to you.

(One winner per week. In the event of a tie, a winner will be chosen at random. Winners remail eligible to also win in future weeks.)

Here are this weekend’s NFL matchups:

Falcons at Colts

Saints at Panthers

Giants at Bears

Jaguars at Texans

Bills at Dolphins

Ravens at Vikings

Browns at Jets

Patriots at Buccaneers

Cardinals at Seahawks

Rams at 49ers

Lions at Commanders

Steelers at Chargers

Eagles at Packers (Tiebreaker – total points scored)

Email your picks to bjbsjournalintern@gmail.com (prior to kickoff of the first listed game) or, if that isn’t your bag, post them on the Twitter and our patriotic band of interns will make sure your entry is added to this week’s pool of contestants!

Good luck and have an appropriate Veterans Day.

Football Cat’s Week 10 NFL Picks ’25

Posted on November 7, 2025 by naop Leave a comment

News item: ESPN and Penn Entertainment are ending their sports-betting agreement early after failing to gain significant market share. The sports-media company will instead launch a new multiyear deal with industry leader DraftKings. The early ending for ESPN’s Penn Entertainment venture and ESPN Bet’s inability to gain scale is a sign of the grip DraftKings and FanDuel have on the market. Sports betting has exploded in America, but smaller companies and later entrants have been unable to capture fans’ attention.

We here at The15Net.com know how difficult it can be for the little guy to mix it up with the big boys, so we are offering up our services to Penn in its time of need. Our industry leading brand is a perfect fit for Penn’s deep pockets and poor judgement. We have year round features like the ever popular Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer, the wildly successful Football Cat’s Weekly NFL Picks, the eagerly awaited March Sadness, this summer’s surprise smash hit the Summer Mini-Tournament and a cornucopia of other fabulous rib ticklers and side splitters. How does “The15net Bets” sound to you?

And all for the low low price of only $15 million in cash per year! That’s a tenth of what you were paying ESPN, and no one even has access to that channel anymore. So please reach out to Mr. Steve Bosell, the Managing Editor of The15Net.com, at your earliest convenience (if you can find him).

Thank you for you attention to this matter.

Sunday Frühstück Time
Falcons at Colts (-6.5)
Indianapolis Jones triumphs over those Nazi inspired helmet logos

Sunday Lunch Time
Saints at Panthers (-5.5)
Black cats scare the bejesus out of the Saints

Giants at Bears (-4.5)
Bears send G-men into hibernation

Jaguars (-1.5) at Texans
Spotted cats have a problem in Houston

Bills (-9.5) at Dolphins
Buffalo grills Dolphins

Ravens (-4.5) at Vikings
Scary black birds continue to come back from the dead

Browns (-1.5) at Jets
Browns catch Firesale Ed’s team looking ahead to 2027

Patriots at Buccaneers (-2.5)
It’s no longer Baker Mayfield, it’s Baker ISfield!

Sunday Dinner Time
Cardinals at Seahawks (-6.5)
Fake Seabirds snatch up pretty red birds

Rams (-3) at 49ers
Horny sheep menace Mac

Lions (-7.5) at Commanders
Lions tame Swamp Things

Sunday Prowl Time
Steelers at Chargers (-3)
Bolts can’t penetrate the Men of Steel’s Faraday cage

Monday Prowl Time
Eagles at Packers (-2.5)
American Birds snap up Meat Men

Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.

11/05/2025 Cleaning Out the Sports Junk Drawer

Posted on November 5, 2025 by scartsy15 Leave a comment

*Be more needy for attention, Robert. You can’t! And are those Cardi’s sisters, Hennessy and Thunderbird?*

Blue Jays got Maple Leaf’d. You hate to see it. I am gutted for Don Mattingly.

Miami GM gets axed, but McDaniel doesn’t? The headline could have been, ‘Dolphins fire 1-and-a-half black men.’

The Bruins Russian contingent is playing like the alternative is being shipped out to the Donetsk salient.

If you forced detainees at Guantanamo Bay to watch “Wake Up Barstool,” it would be considered a grave breach of the Geneva Conventions.

Socci is not good at play by play, but he has no chance with Zolak’s Tourette’s.

Anybody know the best way to directly and immediately pay for some groceries for people who need them right now? Was going to just post a tweet asking if I could Venmo whoever needs it but I don’t want to have to make people publicly respond.

Chaisson needs the Henderson skinny letter nameplate for his jersey. IMO.

Jordan Walsh is the only Celtics player not getting into these games. Is it because he scares people?

Cakes are cooking for Elke Sommer, Art Garfunkel, Pablo Gomez, Debbie Massey, Alvin Gentry, Kris Jenner, Jeff Watson, David Moyse, Michael “Mike” Score, Robert Patrick, Bryan Adams, Ken Coomer, Tilda Swinton, Brian Wheat, Tatum O’Neal, Judy Reyes, Bob Dahl, Sam Rockwell, Jennifer Guthrie, Javy López, Corin Nemec, Dana Jacobson, Jonny Greenwood, Rob Jones, Alexei Yashin, Johnny Damon, Rupert Grant, Jerry Stackhouse, Ryan Adams, Bubba Watson Jr., Nick Folk, Kevin Jonas, and Odell Beckham Jr.

Florida National vs Florida International feels like it should be a bigger rivalry.

So, given the heartbreak of 2023 and all the chances left on the table of we’ll never know… how in the Phil Esposito-autographed, put-the-biscuit-in-the-basket world did Pavel Zacha not shoot the puck wide open in the slot late in the second period of a scoreless game?

I expected the loudmouth Italian with two shitty part time jobs to be an intellectual.

You know the Patriots are back when you start seeing Schwab tweets.

Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The fourth costume of the weekend will be the funny one.”

The Dodgers have started a necklace rage. Kiké and Yoshinobu Yamamoto have sapphire tennis ones, custom made. Miguel Rojas has an agate VCA Alhambra one. Joc Pederson’s pearls look lame by comparison.

Green Line: Through November 13 No service between Park St and Medford/Tufts for maintenance. Use shuttles between Medford/Tufts and North Station. Use the Orange Line through downtown. Union Square riders use Route 87 to Lechmere.

Raheem Morris was dressed like he’s invading Ice Station Zebra.

Boston sports media members age worse than pro wrestlers. And many look like them, especially the women.

Are tires important in NASCAR? It seems like they would be.

Loved the bald ump struggling to explain the rule they made up for one guy: “Yeah it’s the World Series and we got a lotta Japs watching tonight so why don’t you fuck right off?”

I can’t believe there are people out there who would voluntarily live and/or work in anything higher than the fourth floor of a building.

If only the Jets had a Geno Smith or Sam Darnold-type. Wait, what?

Regardless of how you feel about Mike McDaniel as a coach, he is the type of leader I would want surrounding my loved one if they were in the NFL.

When people are like you must not be watching the game BABE it’s the St. Louis blues and I’m bi in Boston and its midnight on a Wednesday I’m doing Cher ‘Believe’ on karaoke why would I ever be watching that game?

Littal you big dummy, you can’t join the mile high club in your own bed.

Why would you watch sports if your reaction to somebody breaking a record is “congrats on doing your job.”

I support Lou Whitaker’s candidacy, but it has nothing to do with the fraudulent nonsense non-stat known as WAR.

Cloning your dog is 100000x weirder than letting a 24-year-old tug your prick.

Listened on repeat whole workout. 1 hour 44 minutes of we to install microwave ovens custom kitchen deliveryyyyy.

I found something worse than women’s basketball. Women’s college hockey. Holy cannoli.

Where on God’s green earth does one find that donut croissant?

For all the great anthem singers in Canada, MLB has really whiffed on their O Canada warblers.

Aldi employees cross train in all departments. It creates roster flexibility across all platforms and lets Madge unload a truck once in a while.

I’m sure it’s great for your mental health to have your name be shorthand for abject failure. Ryan Leaf IS Roy Munson.

Lotta opting ins, lotta opting outs, lotta what have you’s.

Hi. A pedantic moment. We are now back in Standard Time. Daylight Saving Time is the summertime one.

Drake Maye, Mac Jones and Jacoby Brissett all win this week. Just missing Jimmy G.

Good at least the Sox are in on everything again and this will provide some needed momentum for Christmas at Fenway sponsored by Stop and Shop.

Sauce Gardner got more picks for the #Jets yesterday (2) than he has for his whole career (1).

If the Dodgers win another World Series when baseball resumes in 2027 will that count as a Threepeat?

I am going to miss Ryen Rotillo no-selling Simmons’ stupid jokes.

Anyone else been just super depressed since we lost Barstool Beef? I find myself looking for him everywhere.

Clamdicapping is a hell of a business.

Won’t you scratch my itch, sweet Annie Rich?
And welcome me back to town
Come out on your porch or step into your parlour
And I’ll tell you how it all went down
Out with the truckers and the kickers and the cowboy angels
And a good saloon in every single town.

Yes and I remembered something you once told me
And I’ll be damned if it did not come true
Well twenty thousand roads I went down, down, down
And they all led me straight back home to you.

On the bright side, some gayball Toronto sportswriter is gonna milk this heartbreaking loss for the next 50 years.

And now Kiner-Falefa has some free time to teach Drake Maye how to slide.

Was Jordon Hudson seen carrying a book containing the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Sherlock Holmes short story ‘Silver Blaze?’

Honk if you remember George Foreman KO of Michael Moorer to regain the Heavyweight championship.

Denny Hamlin: More laps in first place!

Coach Vrabes is gonna make Curtis start drinking again.

Sean McVay has developed a relationship with Joe Mazzulla — and Mazzulla apparently is trying to convince McVay to try jiu jitsu.

Every position is a specialist. That’s why they’re called ‘positions.’

If you make the playoffs and then shop a guy like Skubal you should be forced to sell the team.

Kevin Love is on the Jazz?!

Best bet for the weekend: now the Loyko investigation can begin in earnest over at BSJ!

*(The lowest form of humor is the ‘same name!’ gag. Nevertheless…)*

Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Joe Giza, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Sail on silver girl. Sail on by.