“Jeff Ross is so ugly not even Mengele would operate on him.”
I hope Alex Guerrero can cure whatever cancer Jeff Ross has.
Kevin Hart, I loved him as that elf in Bad Santa. He should have tried being funny last night.
Nikki Glaser did her homework and knew the guy Gisele is fucking teaches jiu jitsu, not karate. No hill run for her.
How is Drew Bledsoe funnier than actual comedians?
What’s the deal with trans Urkel? Oh, the deal is she is actually funny. Refreshing!
“I don’t know much about football, but I did spend a night on Revis Island!”
That pair of comedians set was less funny than McNally and Jastremski.
Oh great, Ron Burgundy. This bit certainly hasn’t gotten old. Will is lost without Adam McKay.
Dana White couldn’t find two UFC fighters to sit at his table who could pass for straight? What is this, the octagon, or The Birdcage?
Did Matt Chatham make the trip, or was there a rub signing at Wegmans?
“Tom’s taking such a beating tonight; they should change his name to ‘Ted Johnson’s Wife.’”
They needed to factor in more applause time for Belichick.
The audience really didn’t like Aaron Hernandez jokes. His feelings can’t get hurt.
Some Andy Reid clock management by Gronk for his segment.
Ben Affleck’s worst performance since Phantoms.
“Tara Reed’s tits think the docs botched your face, Tom.”
The joke should have been Tom would have confessed to deflating the footballs for ten million dollars.
All the gay jokes landed because being a homo is bad. What?
Schefty doesn’t really believe Tom admitted doing IT, he is just protecting ESPN’s tarnished reputation.
“And Dana White is here, Hi Dana! There’s been a lot of jokes about my ex-wife tonight, but Dana has been happily married for 25 years. I guess the secret is you gotta slap them every once in awhile. Damn, I should have tried that.”
Even if you only read body language at a Rob Gronkowski-level, it was thuddingly obvious Bill wanted absolutely nothing to do with that toast at the podium with Bob.
Mr Kraft, he didn’t look great last night. Made Jeff Ross look like Edelman by comparison. Do they make Yeezy’s with those Joe Biden no-trip soles?
I needed like 30 more massage parlor jokes.
Assembled from the instant reactions of #the15. AregularSports Junk Drawer will appear on its usual day.
Every quip on Twitter by a broad talking about what an Uber driver “said” to them is made up. Every single one.
What if the Toronto Polar bear has a humiliation fetish? Way to kink shame.
Dave O’Brien still can’t stop talking about a pitcher’s tempo even though there’s a pitch clock.
Jayson Tatum is Tatuming.
So we have one eyeshadow guy that likes the Patriots draft thus far, and one that hates it.
Maple Leaf Square should be renamed “Staple Loss Square” with how many times the Leafs get their lunch handed to them by the Bruins in the playoffs.
Did SkyCrepers pull out of sponsoring the Rich Keefe All Night Draft Party?
Brad’s going to trade that Executive of the Year Award for two second round picks and then turn those picks and an expiring contract into a 2027 first.
Cakes are cooking for Frank Beard, Rita Coolidge, Joanna Lumley, John Woo, Jerry Heard, Douglas Barr, Paul Teutul, Sr., Dann Florek, Ray Parker Jr, Nick Feldman, Dick Swett, Eddie Johnson, Steven Cauthen, Gary Clark, Yvonne von Gennip, Tim McGraw, Yael Arad, Bryan Marchment, Wes Anderson, Alex Van Pelt, Stuart Appleby, Curtis Martin, Wes Welker, David Backes, Ryan Matthews, Marcus Stroman, Anfernee Jennings, and Charli D’Amelio.
I’m sure Durant will be happy on the next team he goes to.
Hey gang of supplicants and courtiers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “You sound like a bafoon.”
I ain’t calling some other dude Kool-Aid.
Oatmeal raisin cookies are the identity thieves of the cookie world. From a distance you think they’re chocolate. Adrenaline spikes in anticipation of chocolatey morsels and that refreshing swig of ice-cold milk. Then you get nearer and realize you’ve been bamboozled. Crushing!
Are the rappers fighting again?
The smartest thing to ever come out of Lucy’s mouth is Curtis’s dick.
Folks, this should probably be pretty self-evident, but, for the record; I have 2FA enabled on literally everything I have setup in my life (which alerts me to login attempts or resets). Please, do not violate the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act of 1996. I will report it. K? Thx.
WEEI fired Kadlick the day before the Draft Party. You’d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.
No Bron-Bron?
What’s this about Coach Mayo having a mural of himself depicted as a centaur installed in Gillette?
Red Line Reminder: May 2-10 Shuttle buses will replace Red Line service all day between Park Street and JFK/UMass due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Ashmont after 8:30 PM each day through May 9.
Aloha means goodbye. Norman Esiason, Aloha.
Marquette WBB junior wing Lee Volker has withdrawn her name from the portal.
Them Red Sox, they could continue to surprise!
We as a society do not give enough credit to the Reese’s Take 5 as one of our most superior candy innovations.
“Brainteaser” stumping everybody on Wheel of Fortune is a little too on the nose.
I won a really snazzy record player at an event for my grammar school. Which is really cool but now I need to buy records. Thinking ‘Nebraska’ or ‘Born to Run’ for my first purchase. Feels like a whole new world – straight back to my childhood.
The others were untrue But when it came to lovin’ you I’d spend my whole life with you ‘Cause you came and you took control You touched my very soul You always showed me that Loving you was where it’s at You made me so very happy I’m so glad you came into my life.
Thank you baby. Yeah yeah-yeah.
I don’t know, is Chicago even allowed to have a good non-Jewish quarterback?
Honk if you remember Francis Gary Powers.
Woke up the other morning and my wife left me a post-it saying, “Vontae Mack no matter what.” Ooops. Sorry. Eyes blurry. It says, “Pick up dry cleaning.” Draft day!
What’s the deal with all the crane flies this spring?
I hope Kendra keeps this same energy when one of her 98.5 co-workers inevitably says something racist. Again.
I used to ride an electric scooter to and from train stations commuting for work so I get the appeal of them. But these people now who have scooters to get from the garage to the job LITERALLY ACROSS THE STREET is peak laziness.
Being a Leo is great because anytime I’m accused of wanting attention I’m like, yeah literally astrologically I feel no shame about that.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Remember — it’s okay to ask for help. You sad little nancy.
“EDGE” is not a position. It’s called defensive end.
No one has the right to call Nick Cattles an idiot. Everyone has the responsibility to call him an idiot.
Jose Ramirez is fascinating, because he doesn’t look at all like one of the five best players in baseball, but he is. He doesn’t look like he would be fast, but he is. Sort of in the Rick Reuschel/deceptive body class.
The Heat have signaled they want to quit. Finish them, Celtics.
Conversely, Uber drivers make up stories about things sportswriters tell them.
Where are all the yellow seats, Dale? Reinstall them!
Best bet for the weekend: The Patriots doing something cringe on Cinco de Mayo.
The Aggregator Vanishes.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. And I can’t get away.To Live and Die in L.A.
And happy birthday to actress Joy Harmon, who you may remember from this scene in ‘Cool Hand Luke’.
So, you see, Boston is a city in the United States, which is a different country than Canada, where Toronto is located.
Robert may have yappa-yappa-yappa’d himself out of a spot in the HoF this year? You hate to see it.
Was that foul on Tatum by Martin an example of Heat Culture?
You can win a hockey game scoring only two goals, but you’re more likely to lose.
In short, go to Pittsburgh to catch a game or two. Stay at a hotel where you can walk to the park, see a few museums, stroll around. You’ll have a fine time.
Bobby Orr has looked exactly the same for forty years.
You don’t have to actually watch the Pat McAfee Show, you can follow one of those transcription services. Alex Barth, for example.
Zach Wilson getting traded to the weed capitol of the US is an absolute meme.
Pavel Zacha for Erik Haula – Sweeney’s deal with the Devil(s).
Hey Kevin Maggiore ..Bruins better win this series ..because if they don’t ..they will be consequences
Dave McCarty, he’s with La Schelle Tarver now. RIP to both.
Cakes are cooking for Shirley MacLaine, Rob Hyman, Eric Bogosian, Vince Ferragamo, Michale O’Keefe, Stuart Pearce, Cedric the Entertainer, Dino Radja, Omar Vizquel, Stacy Haiduk, Todd Jones, Ken Klee, Chipper Jones, Lee Westwood, Kelly Clarkson, and Ashleigh Barty.
The lady who plays the lead in those The Nun movies must be freaking stoked when they announce another sequel.
So Gregg Doyel made a fool of himself? What is this, 2015?
The New England Revolution strengthened their backline on Tuesday after trading for 2019 MLS Cup winner Xavier Arreaga from Seattle Sounders FC in exchange for a 2025 international roster slot and up to $75,000 in cash.
Congratulations to Tim ‘Sarge’ McKane on the permanent third banana spot middays.
High stick! Wrong thread.
Hanging off the side of a 20-story building grinding metal in the rain. This is the kind of thing I chose to get good at in life
Blue Line Reminder: Through April 28 Shuttle Buses replace service between Airport and Wonderland due to track work.
A lonesome death? Either multiple people beat the life out of him, or his girlfriend ran him over. Either way he was surrounded by people. And perhaps a dog.
Hello Gang of car petting baggers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “It’s stupid and frankly gross.”
If I were a goose I’d be a mute one. Honking is so embarrassing.
One other thing about Hubie Brown: anyone who has attended a Hubie basketball clinic or lecture has come away spellbound.
You think Mike Silver still thinks about kissing Wendy Peffercorn?
Rooting for the Red Sox these days is kind of like driving an old beater that you never get serviced. It runs great for a few days, and then something happens, and you have a week of borrowing your brother’s truck.
Father Time Stumped The Schwab.
FYI: Ham salad from Brentwood NH is worse than any bologna I’ve ever had. Just saying.
Instead of ‘doggos’, just say dogs. It’s shorter.
Memories Light the corners of my mind. Misty watercolor memories Of the way we were.
Scattered pictures Of the smiles we left behind. Smiles we gave to one another, For the way we were.
Ever wonder why bread can be in a plastic bag but we can’t pack groceries in plastic bags?
RIP Lawrence M. Krause III.
Working in sports = never not working.
You’ve gotta be a little nuts to be a beekeeper. There isn’t enough money in the world you could pay me to do that.
Not nearly enough people played Horizon Zero Dawn.
Honk if you remember Argeo Paul Cellucci.
Paul Bissonnette is blacker than Deuce Tatum. What?
Liz put me on to Chappell Roan and idk if it’s the ADHD but I‘ve barely listened to anyone else since.
Ryan Poles on if he’s ready to declare Caleb Williams the Bears 1st overall pick: “We know what we’re gonna do, but everyone’s gonna have to wait until Thursday.”
If you have two black swans…
Sal? Don’t worry about him. He’s living in upstate New York, with a nice, loving family on their engagement farm. Plenty of room for him to run around and cancel people!
Carb loading only sounds like fun until you actually have to do it.
I was listening to the Sox game the other night and one of the sponsors is Chock Full o’ Nuts coffee. Like, what the fuck year is this?
Best bet for the weekend: Messi-Mania!
It’s going to be great when he doesn’t play because of the turf.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. People who need people. Are the luckiest people in the world.
Enjoy your last few broadcasts before retirement, Jack Edwards. May your muffin never tumble into the Chinese mustard.
Rich Keefe is jealous of Alex Cora’s job security.
Good job running, Sisay Lemma.
I heard the Be Like Mike song and commercials centered around Michael Jordan were originally meant for Mike Gorman.
Everyone’s killing Ippei the interpreter but give him this: he showed good restraint not betting on baseball.
The next time Lucchino dies Henry and Werner will try and make it.
If Norm Macdonald had been alive for everyone giving him his flowers over O.J. it would’ve put him on tilt that he couldn’t fixate on the first day of The Masters.
So, just roll out same menu from 2023 for the Masters Club Dinner next year?
Cakes are cooking for Jan Hammer, Dwane Casey, Nick Hornby, Sean Bean, Norman Esiason, Maynard James Keenan, Henry Ian Cusick, Liz Phair, Marquis Grissom, Adam McKay, Redman, Gordon Laro, Jennifer Garner, Tony Boselli, Kenneth Carlsen, Theo Ratliff, Victoria Beckham, Brad Boyes, and Rooney Mara.
Everybody’s genuine interest in WNBA salaries is duly noted.
There are the owners…and then everyone else. That’s how it works in the NFL. I never forget it.
New England’s professional soccer team fell in penalties last night.
We will all remember Blake Griffin for many reasons, but I will always admire him for his classy Big Brother mentorship on the ‘22-23 Celtics.
Blue Line Reminder: Service changes beginning today for track work. April 17-19: Shuttle Buses replace service between Maverick and Wonderland. April 20-28: Shuttle Buses replace service between Airport and Wonderland.
Hey gang who stans, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Do the roar.”
Orange Line Reminder: April 20-21 (This Weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Forest Hills and Ruggles for signal work. Commuter Rail service will be free to ride between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.
R.I.P. OJ. You taught me it was OK to leave a toxic relationship.
Whenever I listen to Jared Carrabis I feel like I’m listening to Ryan Reynolds. They sound the exact same.
The last thing anyone on the Karen Read did it side wants is a trial.
Hey cicadas, finish the job this time would ya? We get it. You do numbers. very cool. Now do whatever you came to do and get all the way lost. We’ve got enough to deal with.
Why can’t we not be sober? I just want to start things over. Why can’t we sleep forever? I just want to start this over.
I want what I want. I want what I want. I want what I want. I want what I want.
I think, to complete the spirit of Jackie Robinson day, that all of the teams should be required to wear the same uniforms.
Few have ever looked as good as Andrew Garfield in The Social Network.
Cerrone Battle? This is what a March Sadness snub does to people. Motivation. Tough times make tough people.
Sylvester Stallone daughters. Whoa.
Idk if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear when a chain coffee shop is in a gas station it tastes a million times better than just a normal coffee shop.
Bob Kraft calling someone “untrustworthy” is like Ray Flynn calling someone else a drunk.
Dolphins GM Chris Grier told reporters that the team plans to pick up the fifth-year options for WR Jaylen Waddle and pass-rusher Jaelan Phillips prior to the deadline.
Honk if your PIN number is baseball related.
If this elbow in injury is the end for Daniel Bard at age 38, he is a person who pitched that I will forever respect. To go without an MLB pitch from 4/27/2013 to 7/25/2020, never surrender, throw 197 games through ’23 w/10K/9 IP with courageous dignity…well, he’s a Bard.
And let’s don’t forget Verne Lundquist. He retired too.
Me? I’m a self-diagnosed autodidact.
Did John Sterling misjudge how many games were left in the season like it’s a fly ball to center?
Free wine? You had me at hello.
Great article in The Athletic about long-overlooked research into the best way to draft in the NFL by Viking beat writer Alec Lewis.
After a magical US Open Cup run, soccer darlings El Farolito fell to the Oakland Roots in the third round.
So long, Phoenix Coyotes. Ice hockey really wasn’t a fit in the high desert. Good luck in, (checks notes) Salt Lake City?
Is a 1 PM start in basketball like an 11 AM start in baseball? Asking for a friend.
I assume NESN brought Jack into a room and played a montage of him saying ‘Jurksztowicz’ this season.
With MLB’s Herzog’s passing, there can’t be that many Whiteys left out there. RIP.
No shame in falling to Denver in the Frozen Four Championship, BC. They never lose those.
No, we can’t exchange Masataka Yoshida for a different Jap player. No substitutions!
If you had told me in early 2011 there would ever be a point I would far prefer the Jacobs Crime Family to the Kraft’s and Henry/Werner, I’d have suggested you should seek help, fuckface.
Really though, O.J. Simpson? Good riddance.
Best bet for the weekend: a few dozen more mockable mock drafts.
Bring him home.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Heh heh, ‘Tool.’
Caitlin NMI Clark. Now the all-time leading college basketball scorer. And she did it with a foul shot. Fundamentals!
I’m trying to convince myself that was a scheduled loss for the Celtics, but it feels like a regular loss.
Are the Bruins back on that Overtime foolishness again? I thought we cleared that up last month!
Red Sox might consider just painting BOSTON on the bottom of the AL East standings part of the Green Monster scoreboard. Save an employee some time fiddling with the signs.
I have no worries about the draft. After receiving a few hours of training at the insurance company, Coach Jerod has created a four tab spreadsheet for the draft. He’ll share it with the friendly media at the next beer summit of forgiveness.
Caitlin Clark is going to play for some Panini team in Italy? Weird.
Cakes are cooking for Marion Barry, Ivan Boesky, Cookie Rojas, Kiri Te Kanawa, Hugh Grundy, Martin Kove, Richard Noble, Kiki Dee, Rob Reiner, Eddie Deezen, Tom Arnold, Sleepy Floyd, Carla McGhee, Moira Kelly, Shaquille O’Neal, Greg Ostertag, Ken Anderson, Erik Bedard, and Tyler, the Creator.
How was Episode 5 of The Dynasty not titled ‘Do You Have Any Cassels?’
The way Stilgar was talking about Paul is basically the way Nick Wright talks about LeBron.
Hey gang of engagement farmers! This week’s Phrase that Pays is, “Every time I look at this bitch, I expect her to start belting out ‘Under the Bridge’.”
A UCL injury for Giolito? Can’t eat innings with one of those. It’s like a busted jaw.
You know, sometimes, imposter syndrome is correct.
Little known fact: Tommy Lister’s famous character Deebo is based off a story Ice Cube heard about a man named ‘Bill the G.’
Is there any available wall space that the Japanese don’t advertise on?
What do you mean there was no three-point shot when Pete Maravich played? This changes everything.
What’s your favorite album with a hidden track over 3 minutes and 32 seconds after the final track?
I believe that Jeff Howe believes he’s fighting a courageous battle.
Orange Line Reminder: March 9-10 (This weekend) Shuttle Buses replace service between Forest Hills and Ruggles for signal work. Commuter Rail service will be free to ride between Forest Hills, Ruggles, Back Bay, and South Station.
Does Bill Simmons think Doncic is Serbian?
Hard to think of a family that has had more bad luck of late than the Wakefields. Thoughts to Trevor and Brianna, who are left to go on without their mother and father far too soon.
The O.J. Simpson case was covered by great crime writers like Dominick Dunne and James Ellroy. The Read case has autistic freaks and unemployable delinquents. Just a murderers’ row of ‘tards.
One Kelce down. One to go.
Mark Dondero is worried that the Celtics might lose one out of every 12 games in the playoffs.
It’s the time of the season When love runs high In this time, give it to me easy And let me try with pleasured hands
To take you in the sun To promised lands To show you every one It’s the time of the season for loving
What’s your name? (What’s your name?) Who’s your daddy? (Who’s your daddy?) (He rich) is he rich like me? Has he taken (has he taken) Any time (any time) (To show) to show you what you need to live?
Tell it to me slowly Tell you what I really want to know It’s the time of the season for loving.
For the record, I think kombucha tastes absolutely terrible. Unless it makes me immortal, I don’t think I’m going out of my way to drink it again.
With Matthew Slater retiring, it looks like Jabrill Peppers is the new fan favorite of the returning group. A great choice.
Get your servers in order, men of DraftKings.
Jordan Montgomery is now widely believed to be wearing on the last nerve.
Honk if you miss Jimmy Orthwein.
Watched May December last night. That’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back. Movie is just empty, has nothing to say, no insight into its characters, no action. BAD.
Wait another ten years and Bill Simmons will know about gas station kratom!
A: Scissors, duct tape, elastics.
Is it me or Pizza Hut isn’t as good as it used to be? Like it’s alright but I feel like it’s not as good as it was.
That Sydney Sweeney has a certain je ne sais quoi. Perhaps two.
The two most famous Mickey’s in America are Mickey Mouse and Mickey Mantle.
No, Ryan Mallet was decidedly unavailable.
Do you know what Kate Middleton did the last 14 years of her life? Counterintelligence. Kate’s gone. There is no Kate.
Hearing from multiple sources that some trades may happen on trade deadline week.
Blitzing my way through the Apple TV shows after signing on for The Dynasty, and those twunts on Ted Lasso and Slow Horses say twat all wrong!
Back-to-back threes put the Celtics back in control versus Golden State. Bob Ryan must have hated that.
Have fun in Mid-America, UMass. Or something.
Did they dedicate a picnic table to John and Gerry down to Spring Training?
Congratulations to Captain Brian.
Rigor Mort?
Best bet for the weekend: YOU forgetting to set your clock ahead.
Mix it up with The15’s elite Elk Cavalry at your peril.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend BBtL, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Handle with care, the digital ink is still wet on this edition.
And happy birthday to actress Connie Britton, of Spin City, Friday Night Lights, and Nashville fame.
Peter King. A true journalist that could be bought for a lifetime by a ride to an NFL training camp and a plate of cafeteria scrambled eggs. Mr. King plans to spend his retirement with his family and learning to recognize subtle social cues.
You are gonna have to try a little harder Grim Reaper to get ol’ Jeff Howe!
So now the Sox have a Jason Alexander and the grandson of the actor who played Mr. Ross. Maybe Crazy Joe Davola has a nephew who can really hit.
I feel like the owner shouldn’t continually repeat the story about calling the coach a schmuck.
After watching most of two hockey games on TNT, I can’t get “The Rhythm of the Slice” out of my head.
Yes, but storming the court is also awesome.
Cakes are cooking for Mario Andretti, Donnie Iris, Mike Figgis, William Finn, Ricky ‘the Dragon’ Steamboat, Cindy Wilson, Rae Dawn Chong, Djamolidine Abdoujaparov, Tim Goad, Shawn McEachern, Eric Lindros, Jason Aldean, Jamaal Tinsley, Natalia Vodianova, Karolína Kurková, Jelena Janković, and Luka Dončić.
Oh waaaah; I’m so lonely playing basketball for 50 million a year. If only I was in Florida I wouldn’t be as lonely.
Does Fanatics know that their baseball pants are sheer? does Fanatics know that their baseball pants are going to be like a wet t-shirt contest after one inning?
The winners in the NFL salary cap spike? Everyone. But an especially big win for quality players at premium positions. Teams have that much more room to reset the market (hello, Justin Jefferson) or pay very good players near the top of the market.
Imagine thinking we have an ethos.
I am officially convinced the people who run MLB are brain dead idiots. Lots of people like me want to see all 30 ballparks. So smartly I wanted to kill two birds with one stone and see both Baltimore and Washington on the same weekend this summer. However, the geniuses who run the game didn’t schedule both the Orioles and Nationals to be home on the same weekend ONCE ALL SUMMER. Like who the hell is making the decisions down there good grief wake up.
The Red Sox not jumping on making Mike Monaco full time is insane.
A thought while reading the tributes to Peter King. Don’t measure your success on who you stepped over in your climb, but by those you carried along the way. Be respectful of others. I think that’s forgotten lately, and the best tribute to Peter King is to be a Peter King.
Ok but why is CVS the most expensive store for no reason?
Hey gang of ribald comedy enthusiasts, this week’s Phrase that pays is, “Was Meat vaxxed?”
Update: Lonzo Ball is still unable to sprint.
Michael Holley talking about Bill’s hubris is incredible.
Watched a college game tonight with Drew Carter on the call and he’s a billion times better when he’s not giggling and jerking Scalabrine off.
Lemon trees don’t make a sound, ’til branches bend and fruit falls to the ground, baby, Sweet baby.
Swayman with more rebounds than Carrie Bradshaw.
Does everyone remember that one day like seven years ago when we thought male rompers were gonna be a thing and everyone did the funniest tweets about it? Best day in Twitter history.
India will never make a World Cup in soccer.
We were at the beach. Everybody had matching towels. Somebody went under a dock, And there they saw a rock. It wasn’t a rock’ It was a rock lobster!
Rock lobster!
Rock lobster!
Rock lobster. Rock lobster.
You ever get to the bottom of a bag of coffee grounds and realize you have no idea what this one specifically tastes like? Couldn’t pick that flavor from a lineup. Drank it exhausted for two weeks, don’t think I noticed what I was drinking once. Forgettable. It was just…coffee.
Hey @PFF, it looks like you have the Steelers and Rams reversed in Round 2 of your mock draft simulator (unless I’m missing something)
Damian Lillard is a huge loser who NBA fans treat like Kobe because he stayed in Portland longer than expecting before forcing his way out. I understand that NBA fans are by and large the vapidest dummies on earth but Christ. He’s never won shit and he comes off as a whiny little bitch. Play basketball and then go home and play video games with no financial worries? He’s living the life of a ten-year-old. Dame time.
I’ve never seen a single person inside a Mattress Firm.
My favorite thing about having a cat is when I come home we just softly scream at each other for an hour like sometimes us girlies just need to eckkk I think this is why my mom loves my cat so much too.
Fun Fact: the Bruins have Olympia Ice Resurfacers. First NHL team to own a Zamboni, first NHL team to get rid of Zamboni.
I don’t think I can ever leave Boston again because on any given weekday I can text my parents “what’s the move” like we’re frat brothers and they’ll actually respond with a move.
Full moons are one of life’s simple pleasures. They sneak up on you and they’re awesome.
Honk if you remember the final episode of M*A*S*H.
We are heartbroken to report that Flaco the Eurasian Eagle-Owl has died after an apparent collision with a building on West 89th Street in Manhattan.
Johnny Miller thinks Sean McAdam looks terrible.
Leap Day is the perfect time to end the overtime game streak, Bruins. Think about it.
Years back I ran into Don Rickles at Foxwoods and said hi. He made fun of me. Perfect celebrity interaction.
If the NWSL had pro/rel the USWNT would have beaten Mexico.
A: Zibby Puleio.
The Dynasty is the Star Trek V of Patriots documentaries.
Wait, full moons don’t sneak up on you; they happen on a regular and predictable basis.
Arguing that a player should be in the Hall of Fame because he is better than the worst mistake from the past is like arguing that I ate some spoiled fruit yesterday, so I should eat some more spoiled fruit today.
In sports!
B- for coach was the highest grade on the Patriots NFLPA report card. Belichick, owning.
Have more awards shows.
Best bet for the weekend: Celtics keep the win streak alive.
Flaco. Breathtaking, but sadly not elite.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, Old Friend Sixty, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Roam if you want to. Roam around the world.
And happy birthday to actress Ali Larter, who will always be Allegra Coleman to me.
The Patriots new coaching staff is big enough to need its own post office and fire department.
Wow. That Nick Gemelli guy is somehow less funny than Plain Black Hat.
Notorious social butterfly Larry Bird.
The Red Sox roster looks pretty well set going into spring training. They just need to find the right people to fill in the last 17 or 18 roster spots.
Hey, Jaylen didn’t dribble the ball off his leg during the dunk contest!
William Byron won the Daytona 500 after rain forced the rescheduling of the event to Monday? That’s what happens when you build a racetrack so close to the Great Lakes.
We will take a shootout win to semi-salvage the homestand, Bruins. Good luck on the road trip.
Dan Shaughnessy had heart surgery? What, they finally gave him one?
Cakes are cooking for Bob Ryan, Tyne Daly, Olympia Snowe, Jerry Harrison, William Peterson, Kelsey Grammer, Alan Trammell, Jake Steinfeld, Chuck Palahniuk, Terry Allen, Wish Bone, Ashley Greene, and Phil Jones.
UMass won that one for “Trigger” Burke. RIP.
Just left the grocery store and I have a take: There are too many kinds of apples now. Not saying we should go back to just red but the number of options is confusing. Around 5 types of apples are enough.
It rocks that Sabrina Ionescu did that. great accomplishment. super fun. very rad event.
Hey gang of attention seekers, his week’s Phrase that Pays is, “How do you look at a baby and name it Kirk?”
Tony Mazz: ‘Caitlin Clark is the real deal.’ You think so, doctor?
I’m sure Mrs. Looch regrets saying whatever it was that made him angry. Please respect their privacy at this time.
Billionaires will always- always – billionaire.
Red Line: Delays of about 10 minutes due to an earlier medical emergency at Park St. Trains may stand by at stations.
It’s funny that running only one mile per day didn’t do shit.
Bill looks like he’d rather be watching video of Linda getting her implants removed than being interviewed for The Dynasty documentary.
Going forward, there needs to be a 100 NBA minutes played that season minimum to participate in the dunk contest.
Yeah, I’m very much enjoying Heel Rock.
Why was Market Basket so crowded on Monday? was it because of the holiday and school vacation?
Caitlin Clark must get so much clam.
News item: Iditarod’s reigning rookie of the year disqualified from 2024 race for violating conduct standard. Also; the Iditarod has a conduct standard.
Steering with her knees, she’s got both hands free. Using cruise control you know, reaching over she likes to tease.
She said, “Ride- Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride” She said, “Let’s ride- Rev it up, rev it up, little boy and ride”
Just use your body, don’t need to hitch-hike When you ride with me little boy take it any way you like.
Remember that period in the 1980s when there would be two or three new baseball movies every year? That was fun.
The Raiders are hiring former Dolphins head coach Joe Philbin as their new senior offensive assistant, source said. After spending time as the Cowboys OL coach and the Ohio State senior analyst, Philbin is back in the NFL to lend experience to Antonio Pierce.
Honk if you remember Eric Heiden.
So long Matthew Slater. You only get one of those. Aww yeah.
My favorite winter storm that changes track at the last minute and fizzles out? The next one.
“Oh boy, I’m not even sure I want a farewell tour!” said LeBron out loud to a question no one really asked.
Root canal? Not as painful as expected.
An A for effort from Sony Pictures for the pivot to, ‘Madam Web is SO bad, you HAVE to see it!’
Por vs Para is an important part of knowing Spanish.
National Lacrosse League announcing a relocation mid-season is absolutely wild and also I thought we were just past that kind of stuff.
The wing, that’s an important part of the airplane, right?
Drew not seeing the doc producer’s intent to make him look like an entitled jerk it may as well have been a disguised blitz package.
Best bet for the weekend: a still-smarting from the loss at Creighton UConn vs Villanova in Storrs on the night they retire Rip Hamilton’s jersey.
FFS.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Flying Under Radar.
And happy birthday to actress hyphen singer Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Patrick Mahomes has more lives than a cat, but I can’t pick against Brock Purrrdy. Competent game management wins Soupeys. So there.
My SB MVP Pick? former Panther Christian McCaffrey
Halftime performance cameo appearance with Usher? Doja Cat.
Best SB commercial: Hellmann’s ‘Mayo Cat’
Mayo Cat
Thanks to all the humans who assisted in me making my picks this year. Except when they steered me into the wrong team. Hiss! Let’s do this next season! Unless I don’t want to.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Both the bar & grill and its namesake are now gone.
With his third DUI arrest, Pat Mahomes Sr. now qualifies as a branch on the Andy Reid family tree.
I wonder how much ownership stake it took for Theo Epstein to agree to be a human shield.
Sick of the BS from the zebras with Marchand again. The entire team can’t get a call because he’s the Captain and was an asshole ten years ago.
Any time you can rig the Super Bowl for a media market smaller than Hartford, you gotta do it.
If you can’t spot the Dan Greenberg of your group chat, then you’re the Dan Greenberg of your group chat.
Cakes are cooking for Rolf Benirschke, Emo Phillips, Carney Lansford, James Spader, Garth Brooks, Chris Rock, Sully Erna, Alex Bassi, Robyn Lively, Steve Nash, Ashton Kutcher, John Leicester, Matt Stafford, and Steven Stamkos.
What am I going to do with all of my extra Bluesky codes now?
Gary Kubiak went the Clemens & Kardashian route of having all his kids names start with K? Gross.
Chris Curtis was excited to announce the news of Carl Weathers passing. RIP.
So they stuffed all the media covering the Super Bowl into the Luxor, which is apparently a dump? Good.
If you have two Patrick Passes, you have none.
Red Line Reminder: Through February 14 Shuttle buses replace Red Line service all day between Alewife and Harvard, due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Park St after 8:45 PM each day. Regular service will resume on February 15.
Would you rather be Nemo from Finding Nemo or the shark from Jaws?
Usher is finishing up a 2-year residency in Vegas. Assumed it was at the Circus Circus buffet.
I’m disappointed in Dumb Donkey Noise.
Bill Clinton’s presidency ended 23 years ago…. and he’s still younger than the two current candidates.
The ‘Ruth Gordon’ IG filter was a bad idea.
Felger must be wondering now if that’s also a fake Gene Lavanchy leaving things at his house.
It would be nice if wrestling fans could just let a story play out instead of thinking they should get instant satisfaction crammed into every 3-hour Raw or 2-hour Smackdown.
Put more jelly on your toast.
News Item: Red Sox to be 1st MLB team featured in all-access Netflix documentary series.
I guess my sarcasm doesn’t always translate.
Hey glow-up gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She’s lovely, just an enormous waste of humanity.”
I know I’m old and out of loop musically, but if someone is really “iconic,” I really think that even I should have heard of them.
Eric Bieniemy must be the worst interviewee in the world.
1,100 bats seems like a lot of bats.
You can’t use ED to mean ‘eating disorder!’ Those initials are spoken for!
Taylor Kyles can’t keep talking about reviving Mac Jones. He just can’t.
Red Sox Nation is still accepting applications to its in-house tortured poets department.
Get well soon Bill James.
Lombardi bringing up Lee Harvey Oswald at every possible opportunity is a funny bit.
You know I love the ladies Love to have my fun I’m a high life flyer and a rainbow rider A straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun (Alright) I said a straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun.
Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea Joy to you and me.
Shukri Wright is owed $46,394.30 and he’ll never find out.
Toby Keith wanted to add Riblets to his Bar & Grill menu; it fell to Upton Bell to inform him that Applebees Owns Riblets.
Honk if you remember Paul & Al’s wacky Claiborne Pell.
Imagine being turned down by Nick Caley, of all people, while you jet off to the Grammys?
Bankrupt Audacy didn’t sent any WEEI talent to broadcast from Radio Row? Weird.
I ain’t calling no grown man, ‘Bronny.’
One week from today Red Sox pitchers and catchers will be holding their first official work out in Fort Myers.
Monique needs to go breathe in the woods.
I wonder if Apollo Creed was based on any real-life pugilist?
Extremely telling and problematic that in sports there are only stats for how many points you scored. No stat for how many spirits you lifted. How many hearts you warmed.
Best bet for the weekend: Tie: Swifties on FlightAware/The Drake Curse.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW Poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine.
No shadow so that means an earlier Bianca picture than normal.
A famous person dating another famous person? IT’S AN OP!!
Purdy got very lucky on the Aiyuk throw, but you gotta give dude his flowers. He’s been a gamer in the biggest moments this postseason.
Hey, Red Sox fans, who doesn’t love a diversified suite of sports and entertainment holdings?
People care way too much about Taylor Swift at Chiefs games. Her boyfriend plays, of course she’s there. She doesn’t make anyone show her on TV. I watched years of Jack Nicholson at Lakers games and Spike Lee at Knicks games. Nobody seemed to think it was the end of the world.
I think it’s time to end the Brian Scalabrine experiment. We’ve taken this as far as we can.
Kyle Shanahan was born in 1979. He should have to bend the brim of his hat.
Karl Anthony Towns is KAT. Derrick White is The Catalyst.
Cakes are cooking for Charlie Musselwhite, Jonathan Banks, Nolan Ryan, Kelly Lynch, Kelly Moore, Minnie Driver, Portia de Rossi, Jim Kleinsasser, Kerry Washington, Justin Timberlake, and Yuniesky Betancourt.
Oh goodness no, Lamar. That’s a disaster.
70 ain’t what it used to be. That said it’s still insane when dudes get there.
Well, even if you don’t much care for Kansas City, a Harbro losing must dull the pain somewhat.
Jeff Goodman, he seems well adjusted.
‘Eye test’ is now a phrase people who have no idea what they are watching use to sound like they know football.
It’s nearly 3 weeks later, has the great big emergency at the cardboard factory been straightened out yet?
Probably wouldn’t fuck your knees up if you wore appropriate footwear you silly cvnt.
I prefer Linebacker Reasons rather than Safety Reasons.
I’m told Jim Harbaugh remains in the building at the facility, as I type this, per source. #Chargers
Belichick to the Chiefs? Why would Andy Reid retire? It’s not like he has any more sons that can die or go to jail.
Just heard “Stacy’s Mom” in spatial audio and I almost teared up.
Curt Menefee is Great Value James Brown.
Justin Turner and his representatives reached out but could not get the Red Sox interested enough to engage in talks. He will be a significant, needed addition for the Blue Jays.
I love Elephants, amazing video.
I don’t get this Cerrone Battle thing. He lives in Raleigh. Are there no black guys living in greater Boston who are qualified to act as a human shield for 98.5’s on air racism?
Hey gang of Ocean State disbelievers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The Voluntown-Exeter War will be bloody and pointless.”
Gronk talks like he’s concocting a story by looking at items scattered throughout a room.
Be more desperate to find an alcoholic who peaked in high school that will tune you up once or twice a month. You can’t.
Better recurring letdowns by the C’s in the third quarter than in the fourth, I guess.
Baby-baby, I’ll meet you, Same place, same time, Where we can get together And ease up our mind.
Oh, do a little dance, make a little love; Get down tonight, woo! Get down tonight, hey! Do a little dance, make a little love. Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby.
Craig Carton went to prison for a Ponzi scheme. He seems trustworthy.
Disappointed in the lack of gratuitous lesbian sex in the first episode of the new season of Hightown.
No matter what else he does, Dante will always be Rufio to me.
Honk if you remember Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Competent people outside the organization aren’t exactly lining up to work for Jonathan and Robyn, are they?
I like Jan’s tweets. They’re very informative.
Fenway Sports Group doubtless brings Joe Mooney’s lifetime of groundskeeping experience to their partnership in the LIV/PGA merger.
Nobody told you the Celtics weren’t ever going to trade Brogdon.
It might be time to retire and repurpose my Dave Meggett fan account.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget Gary Tanguay wrote the most disturbing book of all time.
I’m sure eventually Lamar Jackson will have more playoff wins and AFCCG appearances than Ryan Tannehill.
Mutual partings of the ways; they happen in Foxborough and even in Tewksbury, Danny.
Have you signed up for Bruce Allen’s newsletter at BSMW.email yet? First one’s free.
Time for Cam Achord to follow his true calling: selling me percs in 2006.
Jimy Williams. He feuded with Carl Everett and called Christopher Nixon, ‘Drut.’ RIP.
Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta scoring in the NHL All Star Game.
Nice hat, stupid.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Peter Gammons, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
And happy birthday to Italian actress Daniela Bianchi, best known as Tatiana Romanova in From Russia With Love.
The 15 