Patrick Mahomes has more lives than a cat, but I can’t pick against Brock Purrrdy. Competent game management wins Soupeys. So there.
My SB MVP Pick? former Panther Christian McCaffrey
Halftime performance cameo appearance with Usher? Doja Cat.
Best SB commercial: Hellmann’s ‘Mayo Cat’
Mayo Cat
Thanks to all the humans who assisted in me making my picks this year. Except when they steered me into the wrong team. Hiss! Let’s do this next season! Unless I don’t want to.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Both the bar & grill and its namesake are now gone.
With his third DUI arrest, Pat Mahomes Sr. now qualifies as a branch on the Andy Reid family tree.
I wonder how much ownership stake it took for Theo Epstein to agree to be a human shield.
Sick of the BS from the zebras with Marchand again. The entire team can’t get a call because he’s the Captain and was an asshole ten years ago.
Any time you can rig the Super Bowl for a media market smaller than Hartford, you gotta do it.
If you can’t spot the Dan Greenberg of your group chat, then you’re the Dan Greenberg of your group chat.
Cakes are cooking for Rolf Benirschke, Emo Phillips, Carney Lansford, James Spader, Garth Brooks, Chris Rock, Sully Erna, Alex Bassi, Robyn Lively, Steve Nash, Ashton Kutcher, John Leicester, Matt Stafford, and Steven Stamkos.
What am I going to do with all of my extra Bluesky codes now?
Gary Kubiak went the Clemens & Kardashian route of having all his kids names start with K? Gross.
Chris Curtis was excited to announce the news of Carl Weathers passing. RIP.
So they stuffed all the media covering the Super Bowl into the Luxor, which is apparently a dump? Good.
If you have two Patrick Passes, you have none.
Red Line Reminder: Through February 14 Shuttle buses replace Red Line service all day between Alewife and Harvard, due to track work. Shuttle service extends to Park St after 8:45 PM each day. Regular service will resume on February 15.
Would you rather be Nemo from Finding Nemo or the shark from Jaws?
Usher is finishing up a 2-year residency in Vegas. Assumed it was at the Circus Circus buffet.
I’m disappointed in Dumb Donkey Noise.
Bill Clinton’s presidency ended 23 years ago…. and he’s still younger than the two current candidates.
The ‘Ruth Gordon’ IG filter was a bad idea.
Felger must be wondering now if that’s also a fake Gene Lavanchy leaving things at his house.
It would be nice if wrestling fans could just let a story play out instead of thinking they should get instant satisfaction crammed into every 3-hour Raw or 2-hour Smackdown.
Put more jelly on your toast.
News Item: Red Sox to be 1st MLB team featured in all-access Netflix documentary series.
I guess my sarcasm doesn’t always translate.
Hey glow-up gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “She’s lovely, just an enormous waste of humanity.”
I know I’m old and out of loop musically, but if someone is really “iconic,” I really think that even I should have heard of them.
Eric Bieniemy must be the worst interviewee in the world.
1,100 bats seems like a lot of bats.
You can’t use ED to mean ‘eating disorder!’ Those initials are spoken for!
Taylor Kyles can’t keep talking about reviving Mac Jones. He just can’t.
Red Sox Nation is still accepting applications to its in-house tortured poets department.
Get well soon Bill James.
Lombardi bringing up Lee Harvey Oswald at every possible opportunity is a funny bit.
You know I love the ladies Love to have my fun I’m a high life flyer and a rainbow rider A straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun (Alright) I said a straight shootin’ son-of-a-gun.
Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea Joy to you and me.
Shukri Wright is owed $46,394.30 and he’ll never find out.
Toby Keith wanted to add Riblets to his Bar & Grill menu; it fell to Upton Bell to inform him that Applebees Owns Riblets.
Honk if you remember Paul & Al’s wacky Claiborne Pell.
Imagine being turned down by Nick Caley, of all people, while you jet off to the Grammys?
Bankrupt Audacy didn’t sent any WEEI talent to broadcast from Radio Row? Weird.
I ain’t calling no grown man, ‘Bronny.’
One week from today Red Sox pitchers and catchers will be holding their first official work out in Fort Myers.
Monique needs to go breathe in the woods.
I wonder if Apollo Creed was based on any real-life pugilist?
Extremely telling and problematic that in sports there are only stats for how many points you scored. No stat for how many spirits you lifted. How many hearts you warmed.
Best bet for the weekend: Tie: Swifties on FlightAware/The Drake Curse.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, BSMW Poster Lebron, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine.
No shadow so that means an earlier Bianca picture than normal.
A famous person dating another famous person? IT’S AN OP!!
Purdy got very lucky on the Aiyuk throw, but you gotta give dude his flowers. He’s been a gamer in the biggest moments this postseason.
Hey, Red Sox fans, who doesn’t love a diversified suite of sports and entertainment holdings?
People care way too much about Taylor Swift at Chiefs games. Her boyfriend plays, of course she’s there. She doesn’t make anyone show her on TV. I watched years of Jack Nicholson at Lakers games and Spike Lee at Knicks games. Nobody seemed to think it was the end of the world.
I think it’s time to end the Brian Scalabrine experiment. We’ve taken this as far as we can.
Kyle Shanahan was born in 1979. He should have to bend the brim of his hat.
Karl Anthony Towns is KAT. Derrick White is The Catalyst.
Cakes are cooking for Charlie Musselwhite, Jonathan Banks, Nolan Ryan, Kelly Lynch, Kelly Moore, Minnie Driver, Portia de Rossi, Jim Kleinsasser, Kerry Washington, Justin Timberlake, and Yuniesky Betancourt.
Oh goodness no, Lamar. That’s a disaster.
70 ain’t what it used to be. That said it’s still insane when dudes get there.
Well, even if you don’t much care for Kansas City, a Harbro losing must dull the pain somewhat.
Jeff Goodman, he seems well adjusted.
‘Eye test’ is now a phrase people who have no idea what they are watching use to sound like they know football.
It’s nearly 3 weeks later, has the great big emergency at the cardboard factory been straightened out yet?
Probably wouldn’t fuck your knees up if you wore appropriate footwear you silly cvnt.
I prefer Linebacker Reasons rather than Safety Reasons.
I’m told Jim Harbaugh remains in the building at the facility, as I type this, per source. #Chargers
Belichick to the Chiefs? Why would Andy Reid retire? It’s not like he has any more sons that can die or go to jail.
Just heard “Stacy’s Mom” in spatial audio and I almost teared up.
Curt Menefee is Great Value James Brown.
Justin Turner and his representatives reached out but could not get the Red Sox interested enough to engage in talks. He will be a significant, needed addition for the Blue Jays.
I love Elephants, amazing video.
I don’t get this Cerrone Battle thing. He lives in Raleigh. Are there no black guys living in greater Boston who are qualified to act as a human shield for 98.5’s on air racism?
Hey gang of Ocean State disbelievers, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “The Voluntown-Exeter War will be bloody and pointless.”
Gronk talks like he’s concocting a story by looking at items scattered throughout a room.
Be more desperate to find an alcoholic who peaked in high school that will tune you up once or twice a month. You can’t.
Better recurring letdowns by the C’s in the third quarter than in the fourth, I guess.
Baby-baby, I’ll meet you, Same place, same time, Where we can get together And ease up our mind.
Oh, do a little dance, make a little love; Get down tonight, woo! Get down tonight, hey! Do a little dance, make a little love. Get down tonight, get down tonight, baby.
Craig Carton went to prison for a Ponzi scheme. He seems trustworthy.
Disappointed in the lack of gratuitous lesbian sex in the first episode of the new season of Hightown.
No matter what else he does, Dante will always be Rufio to me.
Honk if you remember Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Competent people outside the organization aren’t exactly lining up to work for Jonathan and Robyn, are they?
I like Jan’s tweets. They’re very informative.
Fenway Sports Group doubtless brings Joe Mooney’s lifetime of groundskeeping experience to their partnership in the LIV/PGA merger.
Nobody told you the Celtics weren’t ever going to trade Brogdon.
It might be time to retire and repurpose my Dave Meggett fan account.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget Gary Tanguay wrote the most disturbing book of all time.
I’m sure eventually Lamar Jackson will have more playoff wins and AFCCG appearances than Ryan Tannehill.
Mutual partings of the ways; they happen in Foxborough and even in Tewksbury, Danny.
Have you signed up for Bruce Allen’s newsletter at BSMW.email yet? First one’s free.
Time for Cam Achord to follow his true calling: selling me percs in 2006.
Jimy Williams. He feuded with Carl Everett and called Christopher Nixon, ‘Drut.’ RIP.
Best bet for the weekend: Good Kid Pasta scoring in the NHL All Star Game.
Nice hat, stupid.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Peter Gammons, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh, uh-huh I like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
And happy birthday to Italian actress Daniela Bianchi, best known as Tatiana Romanova in From Russia With Love.
Cakes are cooking for Neil Diamond, Michael Ontkean, Jumbo Ozaki, Yakov Smirnoff, William F. Readdy, Jools Holland, Nastassja Kinski, Rob Dibble, Mary Lou Retton, Tatyana M. Ali, Scott Speed, Scott Kazmir, Sean McVey, and Luis Suárez.
The nerds don’t understand football and the coaches don’t understand math.
Is the clam hockey team good?
Bill Barnwell looks like a credible suspect in the Zodiac Killer investigation.
GLX Reminder: Shuttle Buses replace service between North Station and Medford/Tufts this weekend, Jan 27-28, due to track work. Union Square riders can use Bus Routes 86, 87, or 91 to connect to shuttles or the Orange Line
MA Senator Ed Markey thinks Lukey Russert’s alleged ties to Buffalo are tenuous.
News Item: Rams’ defensive coordinator Raheem Morris is scheduling second in-person head-coaching interviews with the Falcons, Panthers, Commanders and Seahawks. He gets one more punch on his card and he gets a Dan Rooney-autographed football!
Tim Wakefield also endorsed the season ticket price increase from heaven.
At what point does some media member other than Dondero say that it’s fucked up that Jonathan and some PR lady are running football operations?
Doc is the Bucks coach? Doc is not the Bucks coach. Tommy is here? Tommy is not here?
Imagine saying a man looked “phenomenal.”
Just keep running Josh Allen like he’s Mike Alstott. That’s a sustainable plan for success.
Is Larry Brown coaching anybody now?
Hey gang, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “STOP AND DIVE IF YOU’VE DONE THE MACARENA!”
I don’t know how official it is to be rated New England’s most versatile DJ.
Kyle Lowry is gonna get so fucking fat in Charlotte since he won’t have Jimmy Butler threatening to kill him if he eats another chicken wing.
I don’t trust people who use percentages arbitrarily.
Congratulations to Northeastern Woman’s Hockey on the Inaugural Woman’s Beanpot Championship! What? No, if there had been a Woman’s Beanpot before this year I think I would have heard about it.
Arthur Blank looks like the bad guy in every Three Stooges short.
I just learned like two days ago that Stanley drink tumbler isn’t the same Stanley that makes my box cutter and tape measure.
Nice mock draft, cumrag.
I had read every book from Michael Connelly but recently caught on to the TV series. Now having binge watched all nine seasons let me just say Titus Welliver IS Harry Bosch, and I can’t wait for season ten.
Tanner Houck looks 45 years old.
The opening seconds of that Shields MRI ad from 2019 featuring a member of the Patriots End Zone Militia has the same visual cadence as a presidential spot.
Is Bert Breer just gonna keep pretending that someone is paying him?
Honk if you remember Airwolf.
There really is no good way of teaching someone how to properly load a dishwasher without sounding like a condescending prick.
The REAL Damar Hamlin (Rest In Power) woulda had the first down.
Female stalkers are never hot.
You idiot, this isn’t a modern offense, it’s a contemporary offense!
They do it down on Camber Sands They do it at Waikiki Lazing about the beach all day At night the crickets creepy.
Squinting faces at the sky A Harold Robbins paperback Surfers drop their boards and dry And everybody wants a hat.
But behind the Chalet My holiday’s complete And I feel like William Tell Maid Marian on her tiptoe feet.
Pulling Mussels From The Shell. Pulling Mussels From The Shell.
Warning: If you find a bread clip on your tire, you are conflating your clickbait articles!
Ichiro deserves to be a unanimous selection for the HOF next year. Just as Griffey, Jr., Jeter, Beltre, etc. deserved it. Hopefully, that happens.
Doc’s first order of business: deport Thanasis Antetokounmpo.
Isn’t it bad to burn cash?
Every time you RT Thomas Carrieri he gets another zit and a nickel.
Shake the almond tree.
I hope The Sports Hub didn’t pick Jim Murray to express the station’s condolences to the Kyed family.
Who knew Abbottabad abutted Orchard Park?
We see you running ‘The Commisar Vanishes’ playbook, Jonathan.
Best bet for the weekend: mobile QB’s!!
“Buenos noches, amigos! Sam wanted me to say a few words about the upcoming season, but I have a better idear: let’s break my son out of prison!” [crowd boos]
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Take me I’m yours because dreams are made of this. Forever there’ll be a heaven in your kiss.
Dominic ‘Dom’ DeSantis was selected out of Miami Dade College in the 23rd round of the 1989 MLB draft by the Boston Red Sox. He did not sign with the club. He then attended the University of New Orleans and was selected in the 28th round of the 1990 draft by Baltimore. Opting to again remain in school, he was finally signed following the 1991 draft, having been picked in the 20th round by the Phillies. The right hander pitched 4 minor league seasons, accumulating a 2.92 ERA and topping out at the High A level. He retired after a poor showing for the Duluth-Superior Dukes of the Independent League. Currently a sales manager in the Tampa Bay area, he has not held public office.
Print your own card and play along at home during the intro presser! (stick tap @SportyRMcKenzie)
Before they bought the team the Krafts were probably shitty fans too. ‘Celebrity caller’ level knee-jerk dinks.
Those half Patriots half Cowboys hoodies are gonna go crazy.
The Good Kid is now in sole possession of 10th place in all time Bruins scoring list.
When Tom Werner said, ‘full throttle’, he meant, ‘due to a scheduling conflict, John W. Henry will be unable to attend the Winter Weekend event.’
WembyamaMania comes to TDGarden!
I don’t like NFL playoff games on Mondays (the originally scheduled one). They could have had 3 games Saturday, 3 games Sunday, and not stuck anyone with a short week in the postseason. It doesn’t seem fair.
Not sure why these players don’t copy Brady and go with a 1-millimeter full body wetsuit. Wouldn’t even know its cold and 1mm is not restrictive at all.
If you’re not Norwegian, you’re Mexican.
Cakes are cooking for James Earl Jones, Todd Susman, Steve Earle, Mick Taylor, Katalin Kariko, Steve Harvey, Chili Davis, Jim Carrey, Shabba Ranks, Jeremy Roenick, Derrick Mason, Zooey Deschanel, Dwyane Wade, Calvin Harris, and Jake Paul.
That is what the Eagles get for putting an offensive coordinator in charge of the defense.
The wrong local team is going full throttle.
I don’t think we appreciate enough how the centers know to snap the ball at a time it won’t bounce off the guy in motion.
Green Line Reminder: No train service between North Station and Babcock St (B), Kenmore (C+D), and Heath St (E) due to track work. Use buses to Copley/Back Bay. Use Orange Line between Back Bay and North Station. Regular service will resume Jan. 29.
Imagine being such a lazy piece of shit that you have to sniff chocolate instead of eating it.
This made me smiggle (that’s a word I made up, it’s smile + giggle)
I have been cancelled he screamed on ESPN while wearing a wifebeater.
Boston: hold my iced Dunkies.
So when is the town hall portion of this year’s Red Sox Winter Weekend?
A major offensive shakeup: The Saints are moving on from OC Pete Carmichael, per me and Tom Pelissero, changing their offense for the first time since 2009.
Hey gang of fabulous fabulists, this week’s Phrase that Pays is, “I’m strong, athletic, and savvy.”
Has there ever been a major league baseball player who was older than the sitting President?
I enjoyed The Holdovers. My wife found it depressing. I thought it was uplifting. Maybe it was both. Either way, amazing actors.
The carousel is still churning.
Jonathan watching Succession and taking notes like it’s a documentary.
Did Football Cat go 5 for 6 over Super Wild Card Weekend?
Update: Brandon Carlo, Derek Forbort, Matt Poitras, and Linus Ullmark are practicing.
Hear me out here. I would respect the Kyed and Wojak expose from last week a lot more if they actually had to work for it, and weren’t just running PR for Mayo et al.
I think that’s the Snapchat logo above the Rams nameplates. Every. Single. Time.
Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger. Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger. Help me, baby, ain’t no stranger.
Can’t you hear me knockin’? Ahh, are you safe asleep? Can’t you hear me knockin’? Yeah, down the gas light street, now. Can’t you hear me knockin’? Yeah, throw me down the keys, Alright now.
Hear me ringin’ big bell tolls. Hear me singin’ soft and low. I’ve been beggin’ on my knees. I’ve been kickin’, help me, please.
The Marcus Stroman return home to New York has its potentil story if his 2d half hip issue(24 IP, after 112.2 in 1st is cured):father Earl a New York policeman, HS Jr. Jayden Duke-bound SS w/R.Cano comp Height Doesn’t Measure Heat Foundation msgical. Cape 2010-11? 34 IP, 0 R
Better Call Saul and Cat Detective, both shut out in Emmy voting. Like equals!
That’s terrible dirt.
Honk if you remember ‘Goodnight Beantown.’
Breakfast lasagna!
Green Bay QB Jordan Love’s girlfriend’s father is Boston College alum Ron Stone.
Feel better, cupcake. You sound like Gina Gershon.
Tom Caron must stare out the window all winter waiting for spring training to start.
Jon Bon Jovi is lucky he got to ring the lighthouse bell when he did.
Welcome back, Anita.
To me, the essence of Bill Belichick is a visor, a whistle wrapped around his finger and teaching moments in late July. Checking on punt protection in a near corner of one practice field. Pulling an undrafted rookie aside for a pointer or two in a far corner of another field…
I’m sure eventually Dak will have more playoff wins than Ryan Tannehill.
Get up, Jim Irsay.
Happy trails, Coach Murphy.
Best bet for the weekend: a spirited fake QB slide competition in Buffalo.
This is a good billboard; no puzzling owl references.
Material from interviews, wire services, Twitter, Meta, other writers, league and team sources, Bill James, and the members of #the15 were used in this column. Stop what’s goin’ on, stop what’s goin’ wrong. You better listen from now on.
And Happy Birthday to singer, songwriter, guitarist, author, and actress Susanna Hoffs.
Football Cat has graciously agreed to work the playoffs after very successful regular season. And so:
SATURDAY SUNSET
Browns (-2.5) at Texans
Tricksters versus wildcatters. ‘Stroud’ sounds like a cat warning growl, ‘Flacco’ sounds like one coughing up a hairball. Texans win.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Dolphins at Chiefs (-4.5)
Stupidly cold weather favors neither team. So playoff experience wins out. Kansas City gets the W.
If there are any other cheapskates interested in watching the Chiefs-Dolphins game you can get Peacock for free if you sign up for a free 2 week trial of Instacart+ (whatver that is). You don’t need to give them any real info, I just signed up with my burner email address and a fake name; I used’Morris Katz.’
SUNDAY SUNSET
Packers at Cowboys (-7.5)
Cows undefeated at home. Will that matter? Of course it will! Big D big W.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Rams at Lions (-3)
Sorry Shovey Sheep, but this is the only cat team in the playoffs. I’m going to be parochial.
MONDAY SUNSET
Steelers at Bills (-10)
Bisons don’t deserve to win after getting the game moved because of snow. But deserve got nothing to do with it.
Snow Cat. See what I did there?
MONDAY PROWLTIME
Eagles (-3) at Buccaneers
Buccaneers have momentum, Philly does not. The Pewter Privateers win at home.
Egads.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Lots of teams resting starters in advance of the playoffs this week. I can understand that.
SATURDAY SUNSET
Steelers (-4) at Ravens
Will the Evil Birds take the gaspipe in the hopes the spirits conspire to keep Buffalo out of the ‘yoffs? Yes.
SATURDAY PROWLTIME
Texans (-1) at Colts
Wildcat Texans round up the Little Horsies.
SUNDAY LUNCHTIME
Buccaneers (-4.5) at Panthers
Bad year for the luckless Black Cats ends as it began.
Browns at Bengals (-7)
Stripey Cats are desperate, Browns have put the bag of tricks away until the playoffs. Cincy wins.
Vikings at Lions (-3.5)
Jungle Kings don’t want to go 3-3 in the division and won’t.
Jets at Patriots (-2)
Prediction: Pats Pirouette Past Planes
Falcons at Saints (-3)
The animals of God’s creation inhabit the skies, the earth, and the sea. They share in the ways of human beings. They have a part in our lives. Francis of Assisi recognized this when he called the animals, wild and tame, his brothers and sisters. Nevertheless, Saints win.
Jaguars (-5) at Titans
Spotted Cats disrespect the Titans.
Seahawks (-2.5) at Cardinals
Cardinals are real birds. Seahawks are not. Nevertheless, the False Birds win.
SUNDAY SUNSET
Bears at Packers (-3)
Da. Bears. Da Win.
Chiefs at Chargers (-3.5)
Chiefs win because of course they do.
Broncos at Raiders (-3)
This is the game that ends in a tie.
Eagles (-5) at Giants
Any NFC East team can beat any other NFC East team. Giants prove this in bad weather against the Phils.
Rams at 49ers (-4)
No Brock Purrdy, no matter? Not if the Shovey Sheep have anything to say about it. Rams win.
Cowboys (-4) at Commanders
Cowpokes want the #2 Seed. Won’t need much fancy ropin’ to get it.
SUNDAY PROWLTIME
Bills (-3) at Dolphins
Prediction: Payables Pork Porps.
Football Cat lives in New Hampshire, enjoys watching football, and is a cat.
Red Sox outfielder Alex Verdugo felt snubbed after not being selected to the American League All-Star team.
Your New England Free Jacks won the Major League Rugby Championship.
The first thing they teach you in rehab is to attempt to reverse any accountability you’ve taken. Well played, Huggins.
“Rusty Sullivan” sounds like something DJ Bean pays for in the bathroom of a Southie bar.
Dan Orlovsky is the worst person UConn Athletics has foisted onto society including Tate George being in the clink and Johnny McEntee spearheading January 6.
Very few can make a fire boom bap beat with no samples.
“Bob Huggins” is the name DJ Bean uses when he gives out Rusty Sullivans.
Jeff Passan is really odd-looking. He’s like a ventriloquist’s dummy from the 1950’s.
We officially have a surplus of pitchbots.
It’s possible to take the dick and not tweet about it.
It’s almost as if Dug Kyed was lying when he said he had a bunch of job offers and loved being at A to Z Sports.
If you like athletic blondes with ponytails then that Norway – New Zealand Women’s World Cup game was for you. Hope you caught it live.
People are ready to blow their fucking brains out when Belichick brings Patricia and Judge back but cream their shorts when the same lazy media blowhards take turns hiring each other at their fake publications.
The sheer magnitude of the landscape bewildering to the league is beyond the pale of comprehensive.
It’s apparently very hard for players to understand the NFL’s “don’t bet on football games” rule.
Kendra is bussin’.
Bruce Arena said Doris Burke isn’t very good at her job. He’s done.
Creating a false W-2 is a crime.
If Alex Morgan’s exasperated looks were goals the US would have comfortably been atop Group E.
Bluesky is still in beta.
Jayson Tatum lets Deuce go out in the direct sunlight? I figured he was like the children in that Nicole Kidman haunted house movie.
Had no idea Paxton had a knuckle curve.
A summer party without a cake…is like a rainy day.
The Sox stumbling out of the gate post trade deadline after winning just enough to cancel the fire sale was the most predictable result ever.
Lipless coffee pots! Million-dollar idea.
Crows are the only birds that attack eagles then eagles fly high and the crows fall off and die.
If you put native corn on the grill that is a complete waste.
Megan Rapinoe was voted ‘Most Likely to become one of Immortan Joe’s Imperators’ by the Aussie locals.
Every NBA player have a fucking podcast.
How are we supposed to know you are trying to get to Fenway Park for work if you don’t mention that’s where you’re going.
Penn Entertainment got the reach and cachet of ESPN, Portnoy got to keep all the great big fat persons, the overage interchangeable frat bros, and Jerry Thornton. What a win! #GoPresGo
Dugie thinks being lazy makes him more authentically Mexican.
Alexi Lalas is why they hate us.
I was growing concerned Trev Story was going to barricade himself in the Table Talk Pies building rather than report to Fenway.
The Governor of Hawaii is named Josh Green. Any state can have a ‘Josh Green’. Hawaii should have a guy named like, ‘Governor Haunapukamana’lei’lei.’
Tom Brady becomes part owner of Birmingham City FC. Related, Boston Globe reporter Bob Hohler is on a plane en route to Birmingham Airport.
You’re supposed to recycle the cardboard box the trash bags are packaged in you vapid bint.
Wander Franco is going to be so vindicated when it’s revealed the gal had a Dominican birth certificate and she’s actually six months older than he is.
A cat is only itself, representative of the strong forces of life that won’t let go.
All the worst people were emotionally invested in the Ravens meaningless ‘streak’.
Bucko Kilroy has a grandson named Gavin.
Our President is older than the American League MVP in 1968, or the NL MVP from 1970.
There are no cool people that take ketamine.
‘Has the persona of an Anti-Zionist Muhammad Ali’ was on all of Len Bias’s scouting reports.
Pascoag has a microbrewery.
If you have no backup quarterbacks, you really don’t have any backup quarterbacks.
Morey Hershgordon isn’t real and he cannot hurt you.
Publix says it will no longer make hurricane themed cakes due to sensitivity concerns.
Houck unraveled quickly.
The Galactic Empire apparently had a dress code Moff that forbade women to wear tight pants.
Mac knows he has to be better.
The Dodgers fix dudes left and right with grips while the Sox can’t even manage a bullpen correctly.
Bill Lee is too old for baseball. He should run for the Senate.
I hate the ‘Coach Prime’ nickname more than the ‘Shady’, ‘Hollywood’, and ‘Wink’ ones put together.
Terry Pegula and Jerry Jones seem nice.
There’s nothing like riding an electric bicycle to a game of pickleball.
Jeff Passan should make a baseball bat and a ventriloquist dummy using the tree branch that fell on him.
Thankfully Tom Caron pronounced “Negro Leagues Museum” flawlessly.
Now that Gil Brandt’s dead, just imagine all the players we’ll learn he called Upton Bell about.
It must have been a short discussion about the IR between JuJu and the team.
WWE wrestler Test died in 2009? Cross him off, then.
You don’t need and most likely cannot handle a Belgian Malinois. don’t do it.
‘Sale and Paxton need eight days of inaction’ could be the Hub’s ‘Spahn and Sain and pray for rain’ of the 21st century.
The Red Sox decided to play G-d and made Chaim Bloom their Moses: You can lead us through the desert, but you won’t be the one to take us to the Promised Land.
Bob Lobel’s legs look like they should be hanging in a Chinese meat shop.
Lauren Boebert is no Alanis Morissette.
The Bruins Centennial Jersey needed more stripes on the sleeves.
Zo doesn’t like the play calls on third down. He doesn’t have a better play in mind, he just thinks they should always pick up the first.
This pizza thing is going to be huge. give it time.
Artie T is the biggest needle mover in the world of banana boxes.
Tony Massarotti has more suspensions than Marchand in the past year, but yeah, he shouldn’t have been named captain.
Mike Lombardi is the Vince Lombardi of spam tweets.
We’re in New England. Stop saying y’all.
Curt Schilling is like Pete Rose, in that every time you feel like you’re ready to start defending him again, he goes back to his looney room and comes out with another treasure.
The people who mocked Belichick as being a “genius” for 20 years are also the same people who think he should be able to completely rebuild the team in four. In other words, fucking idiots.
Fall Out Boy covering Billy Joel is why they hate us.
Artificial Intelligence program’s inability to correctly render human hands must give Larry Johnson some small comfort.
All weed is gay now.
Everyone knows your crazy conspiracy theory being true is an absolute defense to witness intimidation.
Four-cylinder Honda’s are going to get very pricey again.
Boston Sports Journal is like a graveyard for once-overpaid scribes who don’t know they’re dead yet.
Abby has multiple jobs. Dickerson has no job.
Jon Smoltz called Game Seven a “must win” for the Astros. Okay.
That stupid Mike McDaniel watch story couldn’t be more tailored to impress the credulous NFL media had it been created in a lab.
Yarmouth Massachusetts is a noted hot spot for comedy in October.
The Sara Civian fan club is strong and we stan.
Being a fired NFL head coach is the best job in the world. Josh McDaniels? He lasted longer in Vegas than than Greg Bedard and he’s still getting paid.
We play hard around here.
During the 1980’s Bert Breer had a General Motors Starter jacket.
Add ‘plastered’ to the football lingo.
You know you’ve crushed branding your podcast network when you need to include a parenthetical on how to pronounce it.
Fox has Stink and Pink on the same NFL broadcast crew.
Megan Rapinoe is committed to Achilles tendon injury equity.
Will Smith’s career has been going great since he faked that Chris Rock slap.
Charissa Thompson isn’t the first to spill too much personal information in an effort to impress Big Cat.
WEEI seems at peace with never coming close to respectable ratings.
Bench guys need to bring the psycho energy.
Jack Edwards speaks like he’s hitting the middle button on predictive text.
I’m hearing the Red Sox are in on everyone.
It took a 7’3″ blindingly white guy for Jaylen to finally be able to see an open teammate.
We live for the fray.
“Fat Lunatic Tells Mayor to ‘Go Back to China’” probably would have made the news.
Sports Illustrated probably should have known Olivia0917693516 didn’t actually write those articles.
Nothing says “moving on to the 21st century” quite like getting fired by NFL Network and then writing for Bedard’s shitty website.
Something that never existed cannot recur.
Cris Collinsworth owns PFF and every time he appears on national television, he devalues his investment.
The Steve McNair murder ottoman claimed another one.
If Shohei Ohtani had a sense of humor, he would have made his surprise announcement on December 7th.
Max Strus looks like he sells MDMA.
If you combine this IST championship with the Lakers bubble championship, that’s almost like one whole championship.
Dan Orlovsky is the NFL’s Myrna Carter of advice giving.
We all fit the profile.
Hardy goes from being the third guy on the midday to being the solo host next time Toucher has a relapse of (cough) “throat issues”.
Everybody has a price. Cerrone Battle’s is just really low.
Dart Adams’ nephew is 6’6″.
I never realized how many loser fans Ted Johnson has.
CeeDee Lamb is a Top 1000 NFL WR.
Wacky Mahomes and Kelce commercials just hit different when they suck.
Chris Sale was somebody’s favorite player.
Thanks to all our regular readers, our irregular readers, and the bots. See you in 2024.
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